x. waiting for love

(song by avicci)

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Nina woke up to someone knocking on her door while her phone ringed insistently but what really surprised her when she finally opened her eyes was that she was not alone. She could have sworn she wasn't that drunk last night when she decided to leave the Emerald City Bar in the company of someone she had just met, and it wasn't that she forgot all that went down after they got to her apartment because well, she would not forget that for a long time… But for a few seconds, after she opened her eyes groaning to herself at being disturbed, she was a little startled to sense another presence in her bed.

"Great." She mumbled after realizing Stella, the girl from the bar, had stayed over. Did she forget to give the woman the how to casual date talk?

She walked out of her bedroom, if it could be called that, and stumbled over to the front door to find Alex there with coffee and bagels.

"Hey." She greeted him with a small smile. "What are you doing here?" She asked before making way for him to walk inside; he had never dropped by in the mornings before.

"I woke up early and I remembered how you told me you always wake up early to do yoga or whatever…" He explained as he walked to the kitchen counter to place what he brought. "So I thought I could buy you breakfast."

"Why?" She wondered out loud as she immediately took a seat and a sip of the coffee.

"You bought me a TV." He pointed out like it was obvious. "This is the least I could do."

"Oh yeah." She laughed under her breath. "Did you like it?"

After Alex got her that bottle of 1942, she had pondered over what to get him for a while. She had wanted to gift him something that he would really like and she thought the irony of buying him a TV, after he gave her so much shit for not owning one, was hysterical.

"Meredith told me you didn't have one in your room." She explained with a smile.

"I freaking love it." He told her with a smirk. "But… Isn't it too expensive?" That was all he could think about since last night when he got home to see the gift. "You're an intern, you make less money than me and I barely make enough to pay my student loans."

"I don't have student loans." She shrugged. "Plus it's cool; I'm talking to my mom again so I'm back on her credit card."

He laughed at her remark but before he could answer, a loud alarm sound came from the bedroom and he looked up in wonder. The intern's apartment had a sliding door to the side of the kitchen area to give the bedroom a more private feel, it was a frosted glass door that made it hard to see through but still possible to see movement and shapes. The shape he could see walking fast-paced around the bedroom suddenly opened the door before Alex could ask anything. Stella came out wearing the same outfit she had on last night, dark blue jeans and a black tube top, her hair was a little messy from sleep and her makeup was slightly smeared underneath her eyes, but she still looked pretty good in Nina's opinion.

"Mornin'." She grinned at the two and walked over to Nina before grabbing her by the neck and kissing her hard on the lips.

"Hey." Nina mumbled after pulling away.

"I have to run; I'm opening the store today." She explained with a small smile, completely ignoring Alex. "I wrote my phone number on that little notebook you have on your nightstand." She said as she took a step back and grabbed a bagel from where it was on the counter, only then taking in the other person present. "He's not your boyfriend, right?" She asked after giving Alex a good once over.

"No." Nina answered with a laugh.

"Good." The brunette grinned with a nod to herself. "Then call me." She turned around after giving Nina a little peck on the lips. "Gotta go, see you later."

Nina laughed under her breath at the whirlwind Stella turned out to be before noticing Alex's eyes on her.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

When she first met Stella Carrera, sitting at the bar by herself with a shot of whiskey, Nina only planned for the woman to be a one night stand or, more truthfully, the rebound girl. Stella was only supposed to be the first person she'd flirted and slept with after Jake, and then she would feel ready to move on to the next. That being said, she couldn't exactly explain how she found herself a few days later arriving at Boutary, one of the most romantic restaurants in Seattle, with Stella by her side on Valentine's Day.

As they sat down for dinner at a table where they had an incredible view of Lake Union, Nina wondered if this wasn't a little too much too soon. Stella was the one to bring up the idea of the dinner date and Nina didn't mind it at first, she just smiled and agreed to make plans. But then she told her friends about it… She could still hear Mile's voice asking her if she was gonna have a spring wedding and now she was freaking out a little bit.

She knew, or at least she wanted to believe, that Stella wasn't relationship-crazy or clingy at all; but truth be told, they never really had the talk… And they've barely known each other for two weeks…

"Hey. You okay?" Stella asked her, noticing that she hadn't picked up the menu yet.

"Yeah, fine." She smiled at the question but the brunette didn't quite seem to believe her.

"Alright." Stella sighed before placing her menu on the table. "Give it to me straight. What's up?"

"Uh…" Nina bit her lips before rolling her eyes and inching closer. "I just… This is all too…" She didn't wanna say it. What kind of person takes a girl out on Valentine's Day and then tells her they don't want a relationship?

"Too much." Stella nodded at the intern's silence. "I know." She giggled.

"You know?" Nina repeated, surprised because Stella was the one to suggest the restaurant.

"I came here with my parents once, I really liked the food…" She explained. "I figured you're not exactly the relationship kind of girl but I didn't think… I'm sorry, I didn't wanna freak you out."

"You didn't." Nina laughed under her breath. "My friends did." She rolled her eyes. "I just don't wanna lead you on or anything… But I'm just… I'm not ready for something serious." She admitted.

"Neither am I." Stella grinned. "You know, you're 23, I'm 22… We're supposed to have a lot more sex with a lot more people before we settle down." The two laughed. "I like hanging out with you… The sex is great too… This can be whatever we want."

It was like a weight was lifted from her shoulders just then, what influenced a much calmer evening where the two women actually managed to make small conversation and enjoy the view before ordering their food… But it all came to an end when Nina's pager went off; almost at the same time that a text from Sarah informing her that Grandinetti's roof collapsed and more than a dozen people were on the way to SGMW. Nina apologized as she explained what happened and promised to make it up to Stella before leaving; truth was she knew there would be a lot of surgeries and she wanted O.R. time a lot more than she wanted Stella.

Going straight to the hospital, Nina didn't really think about the possibility of running into anyone before she could get changed into her scrubs but yet again, things don't go the way she thinks they will. She got there at the same time as Mark, walking into the elevator a few seconds before it closed to find him there.

"You look beautiful, White." He complimented her and she looked down at what she was wearing self-consciously; a bodycon midi white dress slightly covered by her opened trench-coat and satin blue pumps.

"Oh, thank you. I was on a date." She explained the attire, laughing under her breath. "We had just ordered food… But work comes first." She shrugged.

"Aw, too bad." He shook his head with a frown. "Hope your date wasn't mad."

"No, no, it's cool." She shrugged again. "Stella gets it. Plus it's… Casual, so whatever." Nina said, almost if she was trying to convince herself more than him.

She didn't even notice the way Mark's eyes widened or the double-take he did as he looked at her. After all the rumors going around about her and Derek or her and Alex, and the intern is actually gay? He almost wanted to laugh.

"Stella?" He asked instead, trying to keep his voice even.

"Yeah."

"I didn't know that you…" He started saying before pausing, not knowing how to finish the sentence without sounding rude.

"That I?" She repeated with a smirk on her face, knowing he wanted to say that he didn't know she dated women.

"That you…" He frowned. "Were dating?" Mark decided to go with that ending, his phrase coming out more like a question than anything.

"Nice save." She laughed at his attempt before the elevator stopped and the two walked out.

Nina immediately went into the intern's locker room to change before joining everyone else at the pit. Mark went looking for Callie, primarily he wanted to ask for her help on building a crib for Sloan's baby but now he also had a fresh and hot piece of gossip to share. It was just Nina's luck that Mark Sloan was an excellent gossip.

Nina had just scrubbed out of surgery with Dr. Nelson, they had a patient with a depressed skull fracture and a subdural hematoma from the Grandinetti's roof collapsing accident. It was a nice enough surgery, successful and all, but working with Dr. Nelson wasn't nearly as exciting as working with Dr. Shepherd and it kind of bummed Nina out.

"Hey." She smiled as she found Alex by a nurse station, he looked up and smiled.

"What are you doing here?" He frowned right after. "Thought you had a date."

"Oh, Sarah paged me when the traumas came in, I just got out of surgery with Nelson... I really need more O.R. time; I've been slacking since Derek became Chief." She explained. "Speaking of it, please think of me if you get into any surgeries tonight." She used her best pleading voice and he gave out a laugh.

"Sure."

Meredith walked out of the patient room behind them and approached the two, Alex immediately sighing and pulling a 50 dollar bill from the clipboard he had in his hands before giving it to her.

"You win. He's been staring at her from his kitchen for 15 years. He's not gonna tell her now."

"He just did." Meredith disagreed with a smile. "She was awake the whole time. She heard everything. She has to say something."

"Well, she's not. He… Her husband's in surgery." Alex frowned.

"So? They're clearly miserable." The blonde resident kept on grinning. "I mean, did you hear the whole crème brûlée thing?" She slapped the dollar bill on his clipboard. "50 bucks says she tells him she loves him too."

"You're on." Alex agreed and Nina frowned, wondering what the hell they were talking about.

"Hi." April Kepner suddenly walked through from behind Meredith. "I've got your keys." She grinned while shaking the so-said keys in her hand.

"What?" Meredith turned around, the smile previously on her face dropping instantly.

"Dr. Shepherd told me you might not make it home before the breakfast, so I should just ask you what you need from your closet, and I'll go grab it for you." April explained in her rushed overachiever voice.

"You are not going in my closet." Meredith counteracted. "Aren't you supposed to be a surgeon?" And then asked the question everyone had been asking themselves ever since April came back to work.

"He really needs you by his side at that breakfast." April stressed it.

"I am a surgeon. You tell the Chief that I will be in surgery." Meredith smirked as she said it before turning and walking away.

"Uh, so… So I'll just pick something out for you." April shouted at Meredith's back before leaving as well.

"Ok." Nina giggled to herself. "Are you starting to really like Kepner too or is it just me?" She asked Alex, who just rolled his eyes and didn't respond.

The intern was sat alone in the gallery watching as Dr. Hunt attached a man's arm to his leg, making her groan to herself that she wasn't inside that O.R. below her. Just then Derek walked in and sat next to her, the intern looked up at her mentor or ex-mentor, she wasn't sure, with a smile.

"Hi Chief." She teased him and he sighed with a small smile.

"Hey." He looked down below at the gallery before looking at her again. "Did you get into Nelson's subdural hematoma surgery tonight?"

"Sure did." She grinned. "I heard it was almost yours."

"Yeah…" The two looked back to the gallery, talking to each other while watching as Owen and Lexie worked. "Big traumas like this need a lot of interviews…" He explained.

"Not all it's cracked up to be, huh?" She mumbled and he could only nod. "You know…" She said quieter as she turned to look at him better. "You're allowed to change your mind." She told him earnestly. "It's a really important job and if not you, then who knows who would take the position but… If you don't like it, you shouldn't lie to yourself."

Derek watched the intern with somber eyes, he knew that she was right just as much as she knew it but still he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. If he stepped down as Chief now, all hell would break lose; they'd probably have to bring a stranger to replace him… It just wasn't a viable option.

"I just…"

"Don't you have something else to do?" Mark walked into the gallery, interrupting what Derek was starting to say.

"This is the closest I've been to the inside of an O.R. in a week." Derek explained after he turned to look at his friend. "Last week, I would've been paged in to help." He complained as Mark sat down on his other side. "Now I'm paged about… Fund-raising brunches." Nina laughed under her breath and he glared at her slightly.

"I'm adopting Sloan's baby." Mark said after a few seconds of silence, to which the intern looked up at him in shock. "It's the right thing to do." He continued under Derek and Nina's incredulous looks. "I think I can."

"Mm-hmm." Derek nodded quietly.

"I certainly want to. Callie said she'd help." Nina shook her head before looking forward to the gallery again, this was none of her business and she intended on keeping her mouth shut. "I'm having a baby." Mark sounded happy as he said it.

"Congratulations." Derek laughed out. "I'm happy for you."

"I'm happy for you, too, Chief." Mark slapped Derek's thigh. "It's what you always wanted, right?"

"Yep." Derek exhaled. "It's what I've always wanted."

"Two grown men lying to themselves." Nina mumbled under her breath and the two looked at her with frowns but didn't say anything.

Asking Alex to think of her if he got into any surgeries paid off extremely well, the intern thought as she scrubbed into an epidural bleed surgery with Alex, Derek and April. Emile Flores was the love-sick patient Alex had been watching all night and betting with Meredith on; initially he only had a broken ankle and some lacerations and Alex was visibly beating himself up for not noticing something else was wrong.

"The middle meningeal artery is completely severed." Derek said as he could finally take a better look.

"What did I miss?" Alex asked frustrated, trying to see what Derek was seeing for himself. "I've... I've been literally watching this guy all night." He told him. "How could I have missed…?"

"You didn't miss anything." Derek assured him, saying what Nina had been thinking. "The first CT was negative. There were no neurological symptoms."

"It's the kind of bleed you never know about until it's too late." Nina explained it, feeling bad that her friend was blaming himself.

"Is it too late?" April asked worried.

"I don't know yet." Derek admitted. "Bipolars."

The surgery only went on for a few more minutes before they lost the patient, the damage was too much by the time they got him into surgery and there wasn't much that could be done at that point. It was disappointing and frustrating for everyone involved but as they began to scrub out, it became clear it was harder on April.

"The dude waited on tables and watched his life happen without him." Alex said after noticing April was almost crying. "He's probably better off." Nina scowled at her friend as he left. Did he seriously think that was comforting for April?

"Hey." Nina said to the resident. "I know it's hard but…"

"I can't." April interrupted her as she began crying. "I can't do this." Derek came out of the O.R. to find the resident crying. "I can't just… I can't just watch people die." She sobbed as Derek and Nina watched. "I can't. I… I shouldn't have come back. I… I…" Derek took a step closer.

"Listen…" He said louder, to make her stop sobbing and look at him. "I made a mistake last year. I almost walked away." He admitted to the resident. "If you don't feel the losses…" He sighed. "If they don't hurt you and humble you… That's when you know you're not cut out for this kind of work. You can be a good surgeon, Kepner. It's why I brought you back." He smiled sadly at her before walking away seeing as the resident was much calmer now.

"You know…" Nina smiled at her as she handed the resident some tissues. "Losing a patient is never gonna be easy but if you give up, then you're also giving up on saving them." April smiled at her in gratitude. "Saving them really rocks." The intern said, making the resident laugh. "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Casablanca!" April gushed with a big grin as she heard the intern say it.

"I knew you were gonna recognize it, friend."

"Going home?" Alex asked as she saw her walking down the hallway to the intern locker room.

Nina had pondered over many things that night, from about how serious her relationship was supposed to be to how sorry she felt for Emile, the patient who never got the courage to live and do what he truly wanted to. She wasn't sure exactly which trail of thought made her call Stella that early in the morning but she did it because that was what she wanted to do.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Well, kinda… Stella has the day off…" She laughed. "It's still Valentine's Day if we squint so I'm going over to her place."

"Sure." He scoffed slightly. "So you and Stella…" Alex knew what he wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to it.

"What?" She smiled at his tone.

"I mean, you still haven't explained to me this whole… Dating a girl thing…" He shrugged.

"What's there to explain?" She laughed it off. "I'm… Separated." She frowned at the word. "And I'm trying to move on."

"With a girl." He stressed it again and she pushed his shoulder in annoyance.

"With a girl, so what?" She complained. "You're not homophobic, are you?" She teased him and he rolled his eyes.

"Shut up." She laughed at what was starting to feel like it was his catchphrase.

"I'm gonna go." She pointed her thumb behind her where the locker room was. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah." He nodded as he bit his tongue, knowing there was more he wanted to say just like Emile.

Valentine's Day came to an ending for Nina in Stella's apartment, while they ate pancakes in bed and watched Breakfast at Tiffany's. It was a great day and a great Valentine's date, in her humble opinion.

"So did you get into any good surgeries?" Stella asked with a smile, she always talked during movies.

"Yeah, two." Nina grinned.

"Tell me about them."

As she started to eagerly explain the two surgeries to Stella, who had mentioned before how much she wasn't into blood and could never be a doctor herself, she smiled at the thought that the brunette was only asking because it was something Nina was into. She shook her head before continuing, deciding to change the subject.

"You know, I always end up talking about surgery… Tell me about what you like." Stella grinned as the two got cozier, snuggling up together.

Stella was telling her all about how what she really wanted to do was open a beauty salon and that she was saving money for it, working here and there at a few beauty shops in the area but keeping her job at the chocolate store, Garcia's, because it paid more. Nina was paying attention, trying to be supportive and whatnot but her mind kept wandering off and she couldn't help falling asleep.