Insanity is subjective.
Shiro knows this. He repeats it daily. He isn't insane, and won't ever be. He's fractured, broken, nearly destroyed, but not insane. His sanity is all he has left to cling to, a pretty lie he tells himself each morning.
He wouldn't classify himself as sociopathic, or psychotic. He was perfectly functional. Even after a year of constant torture at the hands of the Galra, his mind had been only slightly fractured.
Of course he knew he wasn't the textbook definition of sane. No one was. Lance was prone to anxiety attacks. Allura could spend days alone in her room, turning everyone away at the door. Shiro still had nightmares about the arena, and woke up screaming.
Everyone was broken in a little way.
Shiro didn't know when he started to lose his way. It might've been after the arena, or even before.
Some part of him knew what Voltron was doing was inherently bad, but he couldn't bring himself to care. No one could stop them. No one would stop them. The rebellion or whatever they called themselves, was pathetic.
Once upon a time, Shiro hated screams. Now? He relished in them. It meant this was real. Someone felt his pain. His suffering.
Pidge and Hunk always got a little squeamish around his 'victims'. Allura couldn't care less, but she made sure he didn't leave any blood on the floor. Her floors were to remain clean and polished at all times.
Lance didn't care either. Sometimes, he'd even join him. Just watching was a thrill. To have that amount of control, that amount of power over someone was intoxicating. Was this how Haggar felt when she experimented on people?
Out of all his fellow paladins, Shiro was closest to Lance. On some level, they both understood the other's pain. Shiro found most of his time was devoted to helping Allura with her empire. Together, the paladins would establish order in the universe.
Shiro hated mirrors. A shiny reflection that didn't belong to him. He looked like he did back when things were better. Back when Keith was still around.
His paladin suit fit perfectly. Today, Allura had decided to host a conference.
"We need to reassure the masses. Alleviate public fears." Allura said, gathering the attention of the other paladins. "I need you all to be there."
"Why?" Pidge asked. "Won't we make them...nervous?"
"You're the paladins of Voltron. I need you there with me. We can't appear weak."
Shiro wasn't excited. He never was. Public speaking didn't scare him, not much did. He just didn't like seeing so many people gathered together, watching him. Waiting for him to slip up. They were vultures, circling them, waiting to feast on their corpses. Unnerving wasn't the proper word to describe them, but Shiro couldn't think of a better one.
"Allura," Hunk started.
"Empress." Allura corrected, not missing a single beat.
"Empress, I don't know if we should go...I don't think we're very popular. If you wish to spread joy and glee and all that, shouldn't your mass murderers stay behind?"
The reporters, interviewers, or whatever they call themselves, stay a respectful distance away from the raised stage. All four paladins stand behind their Empress, the picture of obedience. Not a hair out of place. Perfectly molded soldiers, ready to do anything for their Empress.
Everyone here knows how dangerous they are. Everyone knows about the power the Lions possess, and the power the paladins possess by extension. It doesn't matter if they can't form Voltron anymore; it doesn't matter if Red is uncooperative.
The crowd is filled with pathetic lifeforms. Shiro knows they'd all break if they ever had to go through what he did. They'd crack.
He hasn't.
Cracked.
He hasn't cracked. He hasn't cracked. He hasn't—
He's fine. Lance is fine. Hunk is fine. Allura is fine. Pidge is fine. The galaxy is fine. They make it a safe place, a place with no war. (Some part of him screams in protest, and that little voice sounds an awful lot like Keith-)
A lone reporter stands, their hand raised. A question for their glorious Empress. Most reporters know which questions they can ask without being executed on the spot. Most know what lines they can and cannot cross.
This one doesn't.
"Does it bother you?" They ask, eyes locked with Allura. They're treading in risky waters. "That you've become a monster?" They've begun to drown. "That Voltron is a mechanical beast with heartless creatures at it's head? Does it bother you that you've killed so many? Does it bother you that your Black Paladin is worse than Zarkon ?"
Shiro doesn't pay attention to the reporter. There's an uproar, because of course there is .
Shiro isn't insane. He's not crazy.
Is he?
He has been through more than that stuck up, privileged reporter could ever know. He was tortured for a year.
His entire home planet, gone.
"It's gone." Pidge whispered, eyes on her screen.
"What's gone?" Keith asked.
Pidge didn't reply. Radio silence echoed through the ship.
"What's gone, Pidge?" Lance repeated.
"Earth. It's-it's gone."
They were too late. They were always too late.
"What?" Hunk's voice broke mid-sentence. "What?"
"Earth is gone. I can't find it's signature, or coordinates. It says nothing is there. It's gone. "
"No." Lance said. "NO. My family...Veronica...my parents…."
Shiro was numb. Adam was on Earth. Adam was...dead? Some part of Shiro had always assumed he'd get to see his ex just one more time.
His parents were dead? All the animals and wildlife? The random barista from his favourite coffee shop? His old classmates?
Everyone was...dead. They weren't coming back.
The novelty of being one of that last humans alive had worn off pretty quickly. Sure, there were humans spread across the galaxy. The Galra had taken tons to work in labor camps. Compared to how many had been on the planet at the time of its destruction, they were nothing.
They became more ruthless with their attacks, yet more calculated. Instead of rushing out to save everyone , they would save who they needed to. Keith didn't understand why.
The answer is simple: those too weak to survive, must die.
Allura felt for all of them. Her own home planet had been destroyed as well. She helped them enact revenge. Revenge for his arm, for Pidge's family, for their home.
"I can make you more powerful than you've ever been," Haggar croaked, Keith pinning her down with his bayard.
Allura stepped closer to her. "I'm not interested in what you have to say."
"I can make you powerful enough to cross dimensions, to destroy the barriers. Just like Lotor attempted. I can—"
Haggar's last few words were cut short by Lance, who shot her in the head. Even with a gaping wound in the middle of her forehead, Shiro wasn't satisfied.
Allura turned to Lance, her eyebrows raised.
Lance shrugged, almost sheepish. "She was creeping me out."
A smile tugged on Shiro's lips. Lance had been correct.
In her last few, desperate words, Haggar had ruined any chance of her survival.
"I'm surprised you aren't tearing into Lance for killing Haggar," Shiro laughed, once they were back in the Castle.
"I'm not going to lie, Shiro. I considered taking up her offer. The ability to see into other realities, to take or give from our own, it intrigues me," Allura took a breath, meeting his gaze. "I couldn't take her up, however. Honerva, Haggar, whatever she was in her final moments, birthed Lotor. He killed my people. She killed my people. I don't forget."
To his side, the other paladins stood still watching the lone reporter be dragged away by Allura's guards. Usually they screamed, or begged. This one stayed quiet.
"You'll be destroyed, Voltron. We will destroy you."
"I will destroy you Lotor. I will hunt you down in every reality. You won't escape me." Allura said, directly after Romelle informed her of his treachery.
At the time, Shiro felt vaguely uncomfortable by her determination. Surely Lotor didn't deserve to die in every reality?
Shiro could almost see how Allura would paint this. An attempted terrorist attack thwarted by the republic, or as the media sometimes called it, the Altean Empire. The republic could protect its citizens. He could protect Allura's citizens.
Some people didn't believe him when he said he'd protect them. A cold, muted type of rage passed through him.
Long ago, he decided that fear was better than adoration.
Everyone looked at him with respect. His own teammates treated him like glass, something breakable. He didn't know how many times he needed to repeat it.
He wasn't going to shatter at the slightest mention of—
It didn't matter that no one treated him like they used to.
The four remaining paladins stood, backs straight. Allura calmed the crowds. All eyes were back on her.
She took a breath, the perfect leader. "Any other questions?"
The silence broke, the voices overlapping each other. Shiro ignored the buzz around his head, generated by the excessive noise.
"How do you plan to solve the terrorist problem?" Someone asked.
Allura opened her mouth to speak, but Shiro already knew the answer. Once they found the base of operations, they were going to eradicate the problem. Just like they did with the Blades.
"We can't attack our allies, Princess." Coran said. Ah, Coran. He didn't stick around for much longer.
"They stopped being our allies when they sided against the republic. They're trying to bring the Galra Empire back." Shiro had to agree with Allura. The best course of action would be to exterminate the problem before they caused anymore damage.
"Our allies—"
"Are no more." Lance cut in. "It's kill or be killed, Coran."
"Number Three," Coran paused. "I don't see it like that."
"Coran?" Allura asked, her tone venomous.
Coran looked over at Allura, a tight frown on his face.
"But there's no dissuading you. I'll ready the coordinates."
Coran was not a liar. Fundamentally, anyway. It's why Allura could tell he wasn't going to set the coordinates. She ignored the signs, but Shiro didn't. He followed Coran back to the bridge, and he watched him send a message to the Blades. Warning their enemies of an attack beforehand.
He betrayed them.
"What did you do, Coran?" Shiro stepped into the light, watching the colour drain from Coran's face.
"Set the coordinates, Number One." Coran replied, silently challenging Shiro to call him out.
"That's not what it looked like, Coran. Did you tell Kolivan we were coming?"
A second of hesitation. "Yes."
It was best not to dwell on what happened to Coran.
The conference ended swiftly. Allura answered all the questions. She had easy charisma. Probably charmed each and every one of the interviewers. Shiro used to be able to do that. He probably still could.
The universe saw Voltron as their savior, their knight in shining armour.
Voltron was a curse.
It destroyed everything it touched. Planets. Friendships. Lives.
There were few out there that shared his opinion. He knew that one Altean girl who told them about Lotor was one. She had been very vocal about her opinions when she was around.
"This is monstrous." The blonde said, her face contorted with grief. "You just killed your allies. Your friends."
"No," Lance corrected. "We exterminated our enemies before they could harm us."
"It was the logical thing to do." Pidge added, though she seemed unsure.
"It was evil." The Altean backed away slowly, fear written across her features.
"It was necessary." Shiro said.
"How many more times are you going to do this? How many others' deaths are going to be necessary?"
A slippery slope indeed. Perhaps this is when people started to misjudge Voltron. The Blade of Marmora needed to go. Having an agency dedicated to spy work as one of their most prominent allies wouldn't win the crowds over. As the heir to the Altean throne, Allura had been the most obvious and only choice for leader.
"Our new leader, the Empress Allura." A crowd cheers, sounds bouncing through the room. A ceremonial crown was placed on Allura's head, sitting nicely.
"I know your lives have never been easy. With Zarkon and the Galra intent on attacking and hurting you. I assure you, Voltron will protect you. We will save you."
A pretty lie. At the time, it had been the truth. Now it was nothing more than a fairy tale. Voltron couldn't do anything. Not without their red paladin. They were a divided group, brought together only by duty, and not by friendship. Once, these strangers were his friends. Now they were nothing more than glorified accomplices.
Missions they go on these days were simple. Find and destroy any remains of the Galra, or find and destroy any rebel cells. The missions weren't difficult. At least, not on paper. Some rebels had more fight in them than others. Some screamed louder than others. Some didn't scream at all. Those were the most disturbing.
"I won't talk," A rebel breathed, the voice cracking in the middle.
"You will. Trust me they always do." Shiro motioned for a bucket of water to be brought for. "We're going to play a game. Every time I ask a question, you're going to answer me. If you don't, you go into the bucket. You lie, you go into the bucket. Understood?"
"Go to hell."
Shiro sighed, as if their answer physically pained him. "Wrong answer."
The rebel's screams weren't as satisfying as they could be.
Keith never approved of their tactics. At the beginning, neither did Hunk or Lance. Shiro didn't know Pidge's stances on it, as she never voiced them.
Missions were the most important thing. Shiro couldn't fail a single mission, as that would be dishonoring everything he stood for.
He died on a mission, and Shiro would never let that be in vain.
"Hey, Shiro?" Keith asked. They were descending down into the atmosphere, their Lions shaking from the impact.
"Yeah?" Shiro answered.
"You're like an older brother to me, and I'm always going to be grateful for what you did." Keith said, sounding strained. "You're my best friend."
Shiro laughed despite the increasing awkward tension caused by Keith. "You're my best friend too. Now, let's go finish our mission."
Shiro should've known. He should've known there was a reason why Keith was telling him these things. Keith never talked about his feelings.
Ever.
"I'm going to flank the left, you guys flank the right. Pidge, follow up behind me." Keith said, locking eyes with Shiro. "If that's alright?"
Shiro stared blankly before nodding. His gut churned, and he got a bad feeling. Though, he couldn't find a technical flaw in Keith's plan. He'd have to go along with it.
"Yes. You heard him. Let's go team."
Shiro was never wrong. He knew something was up. The way Keith held himself, all sad and insecure. The unwarranted guilt plaguing his eyes. The signs were all there. Shiro should've seen it.
Lance, Hunk and Shiro all huddled around the dead rebel. Shiro reached for his communication device. His finger swayed above the call button, and right as he pushed down, all three of them heard a bang, followed by a high pitched scream.
Shiro knew it wasn't Keith screaming. Frantic, he left Hunk and Lance, running as fast as he possibly could to find Keith and Pidge. Lance wasn't far behind him, with Hunk on his trail.
Shiro's heart stopped when the all too familiar stench of iron entered the air.
Allura went on and on about a possible discovery. A comet from another reality had opened a rift between the two realms. A very important chance to further their research, according to her. Shiro knew it wasn't the research she was interested in. At least, that wasn't the only nor main reason. She wanted to find Lotor, and punish him. Her bloodthirsty little heart couldn't handle how quickly he died. Not that he blamed her.
Keith's murderer died far too quickly.
The landscape was unlike they had ever seen. Shiro berated himself for splitting up. He assumed both pathways would be the same. Concrete, straight-forward paths.
This was a forest.
"Pidge? Keith?" Shiro cried out, following the noise. Oh, the noise. The screams, the cries, the terror.
He spotted a familiar tuft of brown hair.
Pidge.
"Pidge?" He asked, waving her down. Pidge looked up to meet his eyes. Her face was puffy, and red, and there was blood, so much blood, all over her armour. He didn't understand.
Their armour protected them from gunshots and beams...how could Pidge be bleeding so much? HOW?
But...it wasn't Pidge's blood. She was fine...just hunched over...with something in her lap...
No.
Finally with a clear view of Pidge, he saw him. Keith…
Alternate realities were quite the conquest. If Allura could narrow it down to a science, Shiro would be impressed. He knew how difficult the multiverse theory was to prove. Now, with proof, Allura would need to find an exact equation. With the ability to cross dimensions, enter new realities, Shiro could do anything he wanted to.
"NO." It wasn't Shiro who cried out. It was Lance. Lance, who was already on his knees, grabbing Keith's body, trying to shake him. Trying to wake him up.
But...he won't ever wake up.
"No...no...Keith buddy please you can't die now. Mullet. PLEASE."
Shiro walked over to Lance, and gently pulled him up. They had a mission to do.
They had a mission to do.
"Shiro?" Lance asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Let me go."
"We have a mission, Lance." Shiro said, monotone. That wasn't his little bro, it wasn't his best friend.
It wasn't Keith. It couldn't be Keith.
"I said let me go. " Lance growled, as he fought against Shiro's grip. It was to no avail. Shiro's metal arm kept him firmly in place, and unable to move. "Keith…"
Hunk was openly crying now. As was Pidge.
Shiro could only stare at the broken corpse of his best friend, and wonder how he failed him so much.
"The first trip was successful." Allura said over breakfast one day. She had requested their audience. "We travelled to an alternate reality. That reality had nothing to offer us, however."
Shiro sat there quietly, contemplating. She never would've asked them to be there if she didn't want something from them. They weren't on speaking terms.
"What would you like us to do, your Majesty?" Formal.
Allura pursed her lips. "I need you to bring the comet to one of my off planet research facilities."
"The comet?" Pidge asked, pushing her brother's glasses back.
"Yes. The comet is the source for all dimension travel. We believe Voltron is made of our reality's version of it." Allura explained, her hands folded on her lap.
"So this isn't our version of the comet?" Hunk asked.
"No. Will you do this for me?" Allura asked.
"Yes, your Majesty. We would be honoured to serve your empire, I mean, republic. " Lance said.
Allura nodded. "I don't think we need all of Voltron to go. Shiro, you can go, since Black is the strongest. The rest of you may accompany me to our next conference."
That produced a collective groan.
Allura smiled. "I'm sorry. I know how boring they can be."
"You're wrong, your Majesty. They're all the rage." Pidge said.
Shiro laughed with everyone, a weird sort of nostalgia taking hold of him.
A slight movement from behind a bush caught his eye. A uniform.
A soldier.
Red bleeding into his vision, he charged at the soldier. The Galra backed away, terrified.
"I-I," He started. Shiro grabbed him with his metal arm, hand wrapped around his neck.
"You shot him." It wasn't a question. He knew the answer.
White hot rage boiled underneath his skin, clouding his judgement. He regretted snapping the murderer's neck.
He wished he could've made it more painful.
The next morning came as quickly as it could. Shiro was prepared to leave. His instructions were simple. Bring the comet to the scientists, and return.
Flying to the predetermined coordinates was easy. Allura picked a planetary system not far from Arus. Flying there was almost second nature to him.
Allura certainly wasn't trying to hide her Altean roots. The ship was almost purely an Altean design, like something out of a museum.
Shiro sighed. Sometimes Allura loved to be...extra. Her and Lance had that in common.
"He jumped in front of me." Pidge said, her breathing speeding up. "He died because of me."
"No—"
"Yes!" Pidge interrupted, tears freely flowing down her face. "It's my fault. It's my fault. It's always my fault."
"Pidge…" Hunk placed his arms out, trying to placate her.
"Keith's dead and it's all my fault." She cried. "He jumped in front of the shot. He jumped in front of me."
Shiro couldn't find it in him to disagree.
"You must be the Black Paladin. Welcome to our facility." An Altean—wearing what must be their version of a lab coat, said. "The Glorious Empress Allura said you'd be here."
Shiro had to keep himself from snorting. Glorious Empress Allura, huh?
"Yes. I've brought you the comet. The Empress wishes for you to conduct your experiments on it."
"Of course. Right this way."
Lance barely spoke anymore. He only came out of his room to eat, or for missions. Allura hung around the Lions, waiting for her red paladin to return. Pidge could barely meet his eyes when he spoke to her. Hunk didn't cook. Shiro never stopped training. He failed his best friend. He wasn't going to fail the others.
He would become powerful, and those who didn't respect him would fear him instead.
The tour was cut short. The scientists found him to be intimidating, which Shiro found cute.
"We're going to run some tests on the comet—"
A loud, shrill noise pierced his eardrums. The scientist's face went blank.
"The comet...it's opened up another rip...by itself…"
Shiro didn't have any time to react. The ship was thrown to the ship, turbulence shaking the entire thing. Red flashing lights filled his vision, and all he could think about was Allura saying Voltron wasn't needed.
If he dies, he is so going to haunt her.
The flashing stops, and the ship stabilizes, but not before two loud noises are heard from the other side of the ship.
Shiro flags down two Altean guards, and they run down the hallway to the landing zone.
A ship has landed.
It opened up.
A man steps out from it, wearing a paladin uniform.
A red paladin uniform.
On instinct, Shiro shoots.
The man fell, hitting the floor with a thud. A groan echoed throughout the hallway. It was his voice. Keith's voice.
Quickly, he runs to the body, and rips the helmet off. The face is the same. His hair is the same style.
It's Keith.
No...it's not his Keith...but he can't abandon this one. That would be wrong...correct? He can't just leave Keith here...alone…
For once, Shiro feels whole again. He feels a warm feeling.
He feels hope.
With a smile, he grabs Keith, and starts to drag him away. While this Keith isn't his, he'll do.