Chapter 10:

The next few days, Dean kept his head down and gave Cas some space. At school, he worked quietly in chem lab and didn't try to start anything. He was waiting for the right time.

He didn't see Cas at Sonny's, and when he asked about it Sonny told him he was staying at Charlie's house for a few days. Dean was hoping he'd get the chance to talk to Cas at the wrestling meet on Thursday but Cas didn't show. Dean still tried to focus on the team. He didn't want to let them down.

Dean actually won a medal at the meet. He hadn't even realized it was a big deal kind of event but he won all but one match and apparently it was some sort of tournament. Dean actually allowed himself a moment to feel proud of his achievement. He wondered if his dad would be proud of him.

Dean found Sonny after the winners all received their awards, unable to contain his bright grin.

"You did a good job, son," the man said, smiling warmly and clapping Dean's shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

Dean startled, looking up at Sonny with wide eyes. He tried to remember the last time he'd heard those words directed at him. Nothing came to mind.

"I, um…" Dean cleared his throat. "Thanks, Sonny." If only he knew just how much Dean meant it.

"I'll drive ya home, Dean."

Nodding, Dean followed Sonny outside and hopped in the truck.

"I didn't see Cas tonight," Sonny commented, and Dean could tell he was going somewhere with this. "Any idea why he didn't show?"

Dean shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat. "No, sir."

"Dean," Sonny said pointedly. "You really think I haven't noticed something's going on between you two? I may be getting old but I haven't lost all my marbles yet."

Dean sighed. "Dammit," he muttered, shaking his head. "Is it really that obvious to everyone?"

Sonny smiled kindly. "Listen, son. I know how it is. You boys are stubborn and no one wants to make that first move but it's gotta be done. And if you're waiting for someone else to make it, you might be stuck waiting forever."

Dean swallowed thickly, running his fingers through his hair. "What if he doesn't wanna talk to me? I'm pretty sure he hates me by now."

Sonny actually laughed and Dean frowned at him. The man shook his head and apologized. "Man, if you could see the way that boy looks at you when he thinks no one's paying attention."

Dean soaked that in. Everyone kept saying that Cas looked at him like… well, he didn't know what. He wished he could see whatever it was that everyone else saw on Cas's face. If it was anything like the way Dean thought he looked at Cas, then it really must have been something.

"Just talk to him, Dean," Sonny said, as if it were that simple. "He might surprise you."

Dean sighed. "He barely looks at me. How the hell am I supposed to talk to him?"

Sonny glanced at him, frowning at the sullen look on his face and the slouch of his shoulders. "I probably shouldn't tell you this," he said. "But Charlie's house is just a block away from the school. He's been staying there for a few days now. It's the house on the corner by the flower shop. When you're ready to take that first step, you can find him there."

Dean stared at him for a moment, then swallowed and looked out the passenger window. They were both quiet for the rest of the drive, and Dean thought about what Sonny said. And what Robin said, and Benny. According to them, it was just as simple as talking to Cas. Telling him how he felt. Dean had never been very good at talking about his feelings, but if that was what it would take to get Cas to talk to him again… Well, he was still pretty sure he sucked at it, but he was willing to try.

…

The closer they got to the dance, the less sure Cas was that it was a good idea to go at all. He didn't want to see Dean, dancing with Robin and flirting with Robin and touching Robin… Everything he wanted Dean to do with him.

But it was pretty hard to say no to Balthazar. And Charlie, too. They were going to the dance as a trio, and Cas begged them to go without him but they wouldn't have it.

"Our funky bunch isn't complete without the quirky introverted nerd," Charlie told him matter-of-factly as they searched through her movie collection. Cas rolled his eyes and her expression turned serious. "Besides. The school board is apparently trying to ban gay couples from going to the dance together. So we're going to rebel by going as a gay trio and they can't do a damn thing. There's going to be so much gay at this dance that they won't know what to do."

"Hell yes," Balthazar called from the kitchen. "Tomorrow is going to kick ass!"

Cas couldn't help but smile. "Fine, but I'm not dancing."

"Not dancing my ass!" Balthazar shouted, outraged. There was a knock at the door and he frowned. "I'll get it!" he called to Charlie and Cas, heading down the hall.

When he opened the door, he swore he could feel steam blowing out of his ears. "What the hell are you doing here, Winchester?" he spat out.

Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and forced the words out of his mouth. "I need to talk to Cas."

"He doesn't want to see you," Balthazar said, low and dangerous. He did his best not to let his voice rise in anger, not wanting Cas to hear from the other room. "You've got some nerve just showing up here after what you did."

"I…" Dean hesitated. He knew he'd fucked up, but he couldn't figure out exactly what Balthazar was referring to. He shook his head and met Balthazar's eyes seriously. "Please, I need him to know that I-"

"Bye, Dean," Balthazar said and closed the door in his face.

"Wait!" Dean knocked on the door again, insistent. Balthazar opened it again, his eyes dark, and Dean was growing desperate. "I never wanted to hurt Cas. I swear. I messed up."

"You think?" Balthazar muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Look, I get it, you don't like me," Dean continued, and Balthazar scoffed. "But I care about Cas. I just need him to know that I lo-" He stopped abruptly, the words unwilling to crawl up his throat. "I just need to talk to him."

Balthazar actually seemed to consider it. But then he glared at Dean and began to close the door again. "You missed your chance," he said before closing it and locking it. He saw Dean walk away, shoulders slumped, and he muttered something about a damn pity party before padding back to the kitchen. He grabbed the finished popcorn out of the microwave and poured both bags into a large bowl.

"Who was at the door?" Cas asked with a smile when Balthazar appeared in the living room.

Balthazar shrugged. "Just some sorry sap selling the 'next big thing,'" he said, making air quotes. "Nothing to worry about."

Cas barely listened to his response as he pulled The Princess Bride from the cabinet and held it up with a grin. Charlie and Balthazar groaned and he laughed. "What? You guys love this movie."

"I did until you picked it for ten movie nights in a row," Charlie whined. "How many times are you going to watch it before you get bored?"

Cas grinned. "There's a shortage of perfect movies in the world…"

Charlie groaned, throwing her hands up. "Fine, you win!"

They settled in to watch the movie, Charlie on the reclining chair and Balthazar and Cas sharing the couch. As per usual, Cas sat tucked in against Balthazar's side and Balthazar put his arm around Cas's shoulders. Balthazar couldn't help but smile at how relaxed Cas was. He actually looked happy. And that was how he knew he was right to turn Dean away. He wasn't going to let Dean steal Cas's smile away ever again.

…

Dean met Robin at her house around 5:00 p.m. on Saturday, dressed in an ironed- yes, ironed- blue button-down shirt and a pair of old dress slacks that used to be Sonny's. It was pretty much the nicest thing he'd ever worn.

He had a single rose tucked behind his back- Ash's idea- and used his other hand to knock on the door.

"One second!" came Robin's muffled voice inside. Dean smiled and shifted nervously. Then he felt dumb for being nervous. They were just going as friends. They had agreed.

They had also agreed that kissing was awkward and not really something they should do with each other anymore. Dean was relieved as soon as Robin admitted that it felt forced to her, too.

It didn't feel forced with Cas. But that was something to focus on another day.

Pulling him out of his thoughts, Robin answered the door with a grin. Dean smiled and brought the rose around from behind his back. Robin laughed and took the flower with a sweet smile. "It's beautiful, Dean, thank you," she said.

"Ready to go?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, for sure. I'll just grab my sweater." She disappeared for a moment and then they were on their way. "So, did you talk to Cas?"

Dean sighed. So much for not focusing on it.

"I tried, but Balthazar answered the door."

Robin winced sympathetically. "Yeah, that couldn't have gone well."

"That's an understatement," Dean scoffed. "I mean, I guess I get why he hates me."

Robin shrugged. "He's just protective is all. He and Cas… there's a lot of history there."

Dean shifted uncomfortably, debating whether or not he wanted to say what he was thinking. He decided it couldn't hurt. "Were they ever… ya know…"

"No," Robin said, almost too quickly, and Dean raised an eyebrow at her. She laughed sheepishly. "I mean… They've never dated. But there's always been… Well, at least on Balthazar's side." She paused, biting her lip. "Cas never felt the same, though."

Dean nodded. Some part of him felt relieved to hear that, but he shoved that thought away. "Well, that explains it, I guess."

They walked in silence until they got to the school, close but not quite touching. When they got to the school, Dean paused outside the gymnasium. Robin looked at him, curious.

"Here, let me just…" He trailed off, taking the (thornless) rose from Robin's hand. He broke off part of the step and tucked the flower in her hair. She laughed and grabbed his hand.

"Come on, they're playing my favorite song!" she exclaimed, and Dean joined her reluctantly.

It took a few songs, but eventually Dean found himself having fun. He had never learned how to dance, but he did his best to spin Robin around a few times and keep in time with the music. He never realized he could have this much fun at a lame school dance.

Well, he was having fun, until he glanced at the entrance and his eyes fell on Cas. He was wearing a suit that didn't quite fit him and his hair was ruffled a little more purposefully than it usually was. His blue eyes shone like actual fucking stars under the dim lights and Dean couldn't breathe for a moment.

He almost dropped Robin before he came to his senses. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Robin looked to where he was staring and she smiled knowingly. "Just go talk to him."

Dean shook his head, eyes wide. "Hell no. Balthazar will break my fucking nose."

Robin rolled her eyes. "No he won't. He's protective but he also knows how much Cas cares about you."

Dean frowned. "What?"

Shaking her head, Robin turned him around and started pushing him towards Cas. "Don't worry about it. Just go!"

Dean stumbled a bit as she shoved him, but once he was moving he couldn't stop his feet from taking him to Cas. Swallowing nervously, Dean walked up to Cas and cleared his throat softly.

Cas turned, startled, and Charlie and Balthazar looked at him with surprise and rage respectively. "Dean?"

"You've got some fucking nerve-"

"Bal," Charlie cut in softly, putting her hand on his shoulder to keep him from lunging at Dean.

"Hey, Cas," Dean choked out. What the hell was he doing? "Look, I…" Dammit, Dean. Pull it together. "Can we talk?"

Cas looked like he was going to say something but he just nodded silently. He looked back at Balthazar and Charlie and smiled a bit. It's okay, he told them without words. Balthazar relaxed a bit, but he wasn't happy about it.

"Come on, let's get some punch," Charlie said, grabbing Balthazar's hand and dragging him away.

Dean and Cas stood there in silence for a few moments. When Dean didn't speak, Cas squinted at him. "Dean? Is everything alright?"

Dean took a steadying breath and shook his head. It was now or never, he thought. "No. It's not." Cas's face was confused so Dean continued. "Can we go outside where it's a little more… private?"

Cas nodded and followed Dean out to the courtyard. They walked for a bit before Dean stopped and turned to face him. "I… I miss you," he managed in a shaky voice. "I miss talking to you. I miss… touching you, a-and flirting with you." His voice cracked on the last word and he cleared his throat. "Dammit, I miss all of it, Cas."

"Dean, I-"

"Cas, please, just-" Dean stared at him, pleading. "I gotta say this, okay? Before you walk away or whatever. I know I screwed up and I scared the hell outta' you at the carnival and I understand why you hate me but-"

"Dean," Cas cut in, more insistent this time, and Dean shut his mouth. "I don't hate you," he said, frowning. "You… you really thought I could ever hate you?"

Dean frowned, confused. "You… you don't? But you… You ran away after…"

"I know," Cas said, sighing. "I'm sorry. But I assure you it wasn't because I hate you. Quite the opposite, actually."

"Cas…"

"Dean, you have no idea," Cas breathed out, shaking his head and staring down at the ground.

"I might," Dean whispered, his voice low and thick with emotion. "I… I might have some idea."

Cas lifted his head and gasped quietly when Dean was standing only a few inches away. He was all too aware of Dean's hand coming to rest gently on his neck, of his fingers burying themselves in his hair. His skin prickled under the touch and he stared up at Dean in stunned silence.

"Cas," Dean murmured, leaning forward until their foreheads touched. Cas could almost hear Dean's heartbeat. "I… I want to…"

Cas nodded, an almost imperceptible motion but it was enough, and then Dean's lips were on his. Cas made a soft noise in the back of his throat and Dean put his free hand on his hip, pulling him closer. He couldn't seem to remember how to move for a moment, then he had the sense to wrap his arms around Dean's shoulders, leaning into the kiss. Soft, warm lips, peppermint and cologne, gentle fingers under Cas's suit jacket and over his white cotton shirt.

Too soon, Dean was breaking away to breathe, though he didn't go far. His forehead was still pressed against Cas's and his hands roamed a bit, to his jaw, to the small of his back, gentle and unsure. When Cas opened his eyes, Dean was staring at him, doubt and insecurity written all over his face. Cas simply couldn't have that. He tilted his chin up and kissed Dean lightly, more brief this time, but it was enough to smooth the hard lines of Dean's features into a relieved smile.

There was no way in hell Cas was running away from him, not this time. Not ever.

Cas's hand fell to Dean's side and their hands met in the middle to create a jumble of entwined fingers and slightly sweaty palms. Brilliant, giddy smiles graced both of their faces and Dean closed his eyes, laughing breathlessly.

"That was…"

"Yeah," Cas whispered, and Dean felt his breath on his lips. "It was."

"Do you…" Dean cleared his throat nervously, opening his eyes again. "Do you want to go dance with me?"

"I think I'd rather you walk me home," Cas told him. "If that's okay."

Dean smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, that's okay."

Neither of them could move for a while, as if they were afraid if they did it would all be over. Dean almost believed Cas would vanish as soon as he let him out of his sight.

As if reading his thoughts, Cas met his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Dean's for a few long seconds. "I already made that mistake once."

Dean let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, and he couldn't help but smile. "Me neither. I don't wanna leave."

Dean's heart clenched. It was the first time he'd admitted it out loud. He honestly didn't know if his dad was ever coming back for him, but he didn't think he even wanted him to.

And when Cas actually beamed at him, he knew he wouldn't care if his dad left him here forever.

Finally separating just enough that they could walk, they started heading back to Sonny's. Dean didn't let go of Cas's hand for even a frequently bumped shoulders and shared ecstatic glances as they walked in a comfortable silence. They hadn't actually said much out loud, but they both thought that kiss had just about covered it.

Dean was so caught up in the feeling of Cas's hand in his and the thrilled racing of his heart that he almost didn't hear the rustling in the bushes behind them. Almost.

He wheeled around just in time to shove Cas out of the way and take a full swipe of sharp claws to the face. He groaned loudly through gritted teeth and stumbled back, instinctively going for his knife.

After taking a moment to assess the situation and get a better look at what had hit him, he could clearly see it was a werewolf. "Son of a bitch," he muttered. "Cas, get out of here!"

He prayed that Cas listened to him, but he couldn't risk looking back to be sure. The werewolf, a crazed-looking dude with blond hair and a torn up shirt, lunged at him again and Dean swung his knife, grazing its arm. With an angry growl, the creature recoiled back and Dean took his shot. He jumped forward to stab the werewolf but fell short. The werewolf pinned him to the ground and he groaned, his knife knocked a few feet out of reach. It was all Dean could do to keep its claws and teeth from tearing him apart.

And all of that was fine, until he saw out of the corner of his eye that Cas was still standing there, frozen in place. "Cas, dammit, run!" Dean cried desperately. His heart dropped when the monster paused to look back at where Cas was standing. The werewolf jumped off of Dean and growled before lunging at Cas. Dean rushed after it, heart pounding with fear and adrenaline.

A second before it could lay a claw on Cas, the werewolf jolted to a halt with an agonized whine, falling to the ground with Dean's silver knife stuck through its heart.

Dean fell to his knees shortly after. He was bleeding from a pretty deep cut on his upper arm, soaking his sleeve, but thankfully no bites.

"Dean?" Cas choked out. "What… what the hell was that? How did you…"

Dean looked up at him with a defeated expression. There was really no getting around it after that. "You want the truth?"

"Yes I want the truth!" Even as Cas said it, he wasn't entirely sure he did. Still, he got down on his knees, level with Dean, and stared at him pleadingly. Scared, confused, but blessedly unharmed.

"That was a werewolf," Dean said, and Cas laughed incredulously. When Dean's face remained serious, though, his laugh was cut short. Dean wasn't kidding.

"A werewolf," Cas said slowly, and it felt silly coming out of his mouth. "How… How can that be a werewolf? It was… Well, it looked human. Kind of."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, common mistake. They don't get all furry and wolf-out. But the name stuck because of the full moon thing I guess."

Cas stared at him for a long moment, trying to wrap his head around that. He couldn't. He shook his head a few times and frowned. "That's impossible. There's no such thing as werewolves. They're just a myth."

"Trust me," Dean said, grunting softly in pain. "They're very real. Oh, and ghosts, too. Vampires, shapeshifters, witches, the whole deal. All real."

Cas shook his head again, baffled. He couldn't believe this. "How… how do you know all of this? This-This is crazy!"

"Yeah, tell me about it," Dean huffed, laughing a bit then turning serious again. "But it's the truth. I should know because I… Well, my dad and my brother and I, we hunt monsters. We save people."

"You…" Cas frowned. "You hunt monsters." Dean nodded. "And… every scary story I've ever heard, that's all real?"

Dean managed a half smile. "Well, not everything. The loch ness monster is a hoax. Far as I can tell, anyway."

Cas huffed out an incredulous laugh, but he could tell Dean was telling the truth. As insane as it was. "So… the guy at the carnival, was he…?"

Dean frowned. "I think he was another hunter. Someone my dad must have pissed off at some point."

Cas let out a shaky breath, then shook his head. He still wasn't sure if he believed it, but he knew one thing that was real, and that was that Dean was bleeding. "Are you okay to stand?" he asked, his voice unsteady. "We've gotta get you cleaned up."

Dean nodded, letting Cas help him to his feet. "I'm fine, Cas, I promise. I've had worse."

The thought made Cas nauseous. If Dean was telling the truth, then he was risking his life every day to help people. It was admirable, sure, but Cas knew it also meant Dean wouldn't always come out alive.

"Let's just get back to Sonny's," Cas said, trying to stay focused on taking care of Dean's injuries. Glancing at the scratches across his cheek, Cas realized with a start that he was only alive because of Dean. "Why would you jump in the way like that? It could've killed you."

Dean shrugged, wincing and holding his arm. He offered a hesitant smile. "I couldn't let you get hurt." As if it was as simple as that. Maybe it was, Cas thought. Maybe Dean really did care about him more than Cas had ever even imagined. "Alright, enough of that sappy bullshit," he said with an awkward laugh. "I'm bleedin' here."

Cas smiled and took his hand, and they continued towards Sonny's. As they walked, Cas couldn't help himself. "Why tonight? I mean, why… I thought you were into Robin, not me. What made you stay away for so long?"

Dean glanced up at Cas. He was pretty sure he made his feelings pretty damn clear with that kiss, but he should've known it wouldn't be that easy. "I thought you wanted nothin' to do with me," he said gruffly. "I figured you wanted space."

"It's more than that," Cas said skeptically, studying him. Dean shifted uncomfortably. "What were you so afraid of?"

"I… I wasn't…" No, he couldn't lie to Cas. Not anymore. Not about this. Sighing, he grabbed Cas's arm and pulled him in so they were inches apart. Cas gasped softly, staring up at him. "Cas… After you kissed me, I didn't know what to think. I thought it was just… getting caught in the moment or some crap. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to kiss you again, I wanted to hold you, I wanted to tell you…" he trailed off. He knew once he said the words there would be no going back. "I was so goddamn terrified, Cas, because I wanted to tell you that I… I…"

"Tell me what, Dean?" Cas whispered, inching closer.

"I… wanted to tell you that I lo-"

A familiarly loud engine rumbled from about a block away, back at Sonny's, and Dean's heart sank as his words trailed off. All thoughts of telling Cas that he… well, telling him how he felt, flew out the window. His dad was back, and Sammy…

All thoughts of being selfish and staying - because fuck did he want to stay - left his mind when he thought of his brother. Sam needed him, and it was Dean's responsibility to take care of him. Nothing that Dean wanted was as important as that.

"I… I have to go, Cas. I'm so sorry." He pulled away, dropping Cas's hand, and turned around so he didn't have to see the hurt on Cas's face.

"Dean, wait!" Cas pleaded, "Where are you… Dean!"

He grabbed Dean's hand and then they were standing face to face again. Dean didn't know how to tell Cas that he didn't want to go, but he didn't have a choice. He didn't know how to tell him that he wanted nothing more than to stay there with Cas and never go anywhere else ever again. He didn't know how to say that he couldn't have a normal life and he couldn't do that to Cas. He didn't know how to tell him that he loved him.

A broken, desperate breath fell from Dean's lips and then he was grabbing Cas's face and kissing him with everything he had. Cas melted against him and his hands landed on Dean's hips, fingers curling into his shirt. Dean moaned into his mouth, soft and wanting and heart-wrenchingly sad.

Then, as quickly as it had begun, the kiss was over, and Dean was forcing himself to pull away from Cas. "I… I'm sorry," he whispered, not meeting his eyes. "I have to go."

And with that, Dean was gone. And, somehow, Cas just knew that he wasn't coming back.