He twisted and turned in his sleep, completely drenched by his cold sweat. Draco kept dozing in and out of a nightmare that kept repeating itself. In it, Voldemort had returned, and Draco had been chosen to culminate a very important task for the Dark Lord´s comeback: he had to kill Elizabeth.
He woke up, sitting up almost immediately, in a suffocated gasp. It took him a moment to realize it was a dream, but still, the images were lingering on his mind, as vivid as a memory. He needed some fresh air, he noticed as he touched his silk pyjama shirt, that was glued on his chest in sweat. Slowly, he reached for his wand and casted a Lumos to leave the dorm room quietly. Carefully, he went down the stairs and crossed the Great Hall towards the Gryffindor common room. Fred and George were probably throwing one of their infamous parties, he could hear the muffled voices of students chatting away. It was risky for sure, but he decided the best place to be in that moment was in the clock tower, sitting right by the balcony. In the past few years he had gotten to know Hogwarts at night and knew what places were safe to wander around. Filch moved like a bat and was attracted by sound, which Draco didn´t produce in the slightest, at least when he was by himself, which was often.
He sat by the balcony, like he had planned and enjoyed the cold air of the September night. It was like he had walked up there in a dream, because he could barely think straight until the fresh air hit his face and some rational thought came to his mind to the rescue. "The Dark Lord isn´t strong enough yet" he told himself. He hadn't admitted it to anyone, but he was absolutely terrified of him. "The Dark Lord wouldn´t care about Elizabeth" he rationalized. Still, his hands kept shaking, and his breath was faltering.
"He wouldn´t trust me with such an important task"
"I am not that important to him"
"Elizabeth isn´t important to him."
"But what if I am? What if, for some reason, she is?"
His mind was going everywhere. He didn´t know why it was so bad at that moment, but it was. He was panicking and needed someone. Not just anyone, he knew exactly who was the only person that could make him feel safe again. The threat of his father was still very vivid in his mind, yet he was torn between taking a rushed decision, or listening to his father like he had always done. The simple thought of his father seeing him, made him completely abhor himself. He thought of what his father would think of his state. Of him being vulnerable, having nightmares – who had nightmares, a child? – he would be ashamed of Draco, looking scared, curled up by a balcony in the middle of the night. No one could see him like that. Ellie would probably even laugh at him – he thought for a second. But she wouldn´t. Ellie would never humiliate him.
It was like a battle inside of his mind between Lucius and Ellie. On one side, there was everything he hated about himself, and on the other one, the person he really wanted to be, the Draco that he liked the most. However, in a fight between the Draco he liked, and the Draco that his father wanted, he didn´t have a choice.
He stood up, fixed his hair and walked back to his room to lay down and pretend nothing happened. If only he could stop shaking, maybe he could even believe it.
The morning came, and, like the hangover after a night out, Draco felt the regret and embarrassment as he opened his eyes. He had been weak like a child, and that kind of behaviour was unacceptable on a guy like him. He thanked himself that he didn´t wake up Elizabeth, although deep down he knew she would have made him feel okay again, he couldn´t deal with the embarrassment of being seen like that by anyone.
"Rough night, Malfoy?" taunted Blaise Zabini as he stood at the end of Draco´s bed.
"Just tired after the quidditch match." Draco answered sitting up. "Is it late for breakfast?"
"Nah, you are good, it´s still early." Blaise shrugged.
"Good" Draco said. "We have Defence with Gryffindor at first, don´t we?" he asked without much care for the conversation, as he took his pyjama shirt to put on the uniform.
"Yes, with that raving Mad-Eye. To be fair, his classes are pretty entertaining. He´s completely out of it thought." Blaise continued. At this point he had turned to face the mirror on the other side of the dorm.
"Every professor in this bloody school is either mad or a wimp. Snape is maybe alright"
He sounded like his father, whenever he criticized Hogwarts. Blaise chuckled in approval. Not everybody in Slytherin was anti-system, but certainly the guys in that dorm room were. Their conversations were pretty much filled with hatred and loath for the school and it´s rules and classes.
Elizabeth liked birthdays, she didn´t take it personally when someone didn´t wish her a happy birthday, she had never been petty, but as she buttered her toast, she realized how much she had wished Draco would have said something to her.
"I´m just saying – I´m the most excited about the other schools to get there. Can´t wait for fresh meat" Violet gushed sipping her tea.
"Of course, you would Violet" Pansy said snarkly, without taking her eyes off the lonely harsh brown on her plate. "You´ve been with so many guys here you are soon gonna have to move to a new school to find a single guy you haven´t already thrown yourself to"
Ellie was listening the conversation distantly. Being roommates, conversations like these were an everyday occurrence, and it always ended up with Pansy trying to have the last word and Violet trying her best not to punch her. Ellie was usually involved, but she didn´t have strength to deal with this one. The past year, Ellie had barely dealt with them, as she was always out, but as her friendship with Violet blossomed, the hangouts in the dorm had increased.
"You are just mad Draco doesn´t even look in your direction." Violet answered.
"That´s- not- that´s not true…" Pansy growled in frustration. Violet had hit the spot. Ellie smiled gently, amused by the scene.
It was a running joke among the Slytherins how much Pansy liked Draco - `adored´ would be a better word. In the first year, someone had found Pansy writing his name with little hearts in her notebook, and ever since then, no one had been able to let it go.
"Look, here he comes" Violet announced elbowing Pansy, and the three girls raised their head to find Draco and Blaise walking towards them to sit for breakfast.
"Shut up" Pansy mumbled and instantly changed her expression to have a bright smile for Draco.
"Hi Draco" waved Pansy. She received no response.
"Hey" said Blaise with a smile.
"Ew" Pansy gulped.
"You are just charming, Pansy." Blaise said sarcastically.
No one in the world would use that word to describe Pansy in a non-sarcastic way. The girl really was vicious, Ellie thought, only ever had a smile for Draco Malfoy. It was poetic justice that he did not care about her whatsoever.
Draco had always known about Pansy´s interest on him. He would be blind not to, the girl was pretty obvious. He had never cared much about her, there was nothing interesting about her in his eyes.
"Morning Blaise" Ellie said sweetly, looking at Zabini, who answered with a smile. She wanted to make a point not to try anymore with Draco. She wanted him to know she was upset, but she wondered if he would even care. This wasn´t just a disagreement, or a simple grudge.
"So, Draco, Nott said you woke him up last night with a Lumos. Anything interesting happened?" Pansy asked, leaning in closer to him.
Draco was surprised he had woken up anyone, but acted unbothered, like she hadn´t caught him off-guard. It was also news to Ellie, who couldn´t help but react frowning. She knew he enjoyed walks around the castle at night, but it was usually when he was stressed or over-whelmed. His father had visited him the previous day, so it seemed like the dots connected. Maybe he was going to see someone – maybe that´s what that was, he was getting with someone, that´s why he ignored her. In Ellie´s mind, desperate for answers, it made sense, maybe Draco was in love with someone and sneaked out to see her.
"I just went for a walk, but I don´t see how that would be anyone´s business." He answered calmly.
Ellie rolled her eyes instinctively. She hated this Draco, the hermetic one, the petulant one with all the snarky `none of your busines´ remarks. She dared to look at him for a moment, and observe the way in which his face frowned in contempt. Her life had changed so much for the good in the past few weeks, she had a new boyfriend, she had new friends, but as happy as she was, something was missing, and she feared it would always be missing if Draco didn´t pull himself together.