Chap 8
A/N: This chapter deals with some of the repercussions of Derek's actions, in a way. Probably going to get more into them in the next chapter.
Growing up, Meredith hated storms. There was just something about the flashes of lightning coupled with the roar of thunder that set her hiding under her sheets. Thatcher used to hold her when they happened, tell her different stories to take her mind off them. And then he and Ellis got divorced and she knew not to make a sound. She learned to hide her tears; her mother would never allow her to show she was afraid. And overtime, that had become her unofficial motto: Never show you're afraid. And sometimes, it did more harm than good.
She had to be strong. Never show she was afraid. Even in the face of danger. The bomb threat came to mind, her hand on the bomb and thinking of Derek, knowing she could die. And then again, staring down the barrel of a gun, telling Gary Clark to shoot her. She didn't care if she died, just as long as no one else she loved did. Why, when everyone else was suffering, did she have to act like everything was fine?
"Meredith," Addison's voice was gentle, weaving its way through her haze of sleep.
She tried to ignore her, to keep focused on her dream. But whatever it was slipped slowly from her mind. She blinked sleepily as her surroundings came back in to focus. Addison was still holding her, rubbing her back, and she was still holding tight to her scrub top. Her eyes felt heavy, but she'd been crying so it made sense.
"Are you awake, Mere?" Addison asked.
"I'm awake," she answered but didn't bother to move from her arms. She was comfy.
"It's about 1:30. You want to get something to eat before the surgery?"
She wanted to skip the surgery and bail on Amelia but knew she couldn't.
"Not hungry," She answered softly.
"You want to talk more about what happened?"
She'd thought about it enough; Derek wasn't the man she'd fallen for. And while a part of her still loved him, she knew he would never understand. She thought of his hand, his ability to operate in the hands of his mother, whether she would show up or not, and almost felt pity.
She looked up at Addison, "No. I just want to kiss you. But I don't want you to think it's because of what happened. I always want to kiss you."
Addison chuckled and moved a strand of hair from her eyes, "Good. I always want to kiss you too."
"Good," She echoed as she leaned up and kissed her.
And when Addison kissed her back, it was as if all the problems she had disappeared.
Addison shuddered as Meredith's lips trailed along her neck, the blonde sitting on her lap. They were definitely cutting it close, as Meredith still had to meet with Amelia and discuss the procedure one last time. But they had an on-call room to themselves, and she couldn't stop herself from giving in to Meredith. She brought their lips together in a kiss, delighting in the way Meredith moaned. And despite wanting to continue, she knew they couldn't.
"Surgery," She muttered as she pulled back.
"Not yet," Meredith answered.
She was so, so screwed. She gave her one last peck, and then another, "I don't want you to be late."
"I know," Meredith muttered as she kissed her again.
"I'll watch from the gallery," She added when Meredith pouted as she started to sit up.
There was nothing she wanted more than to kiss that pout away. But time was their enemy. She smiled softly, "Come on, Dr. Grey. I've got something that'll make you feel better."
She allowed Meredith to fix her appearance, as much as she could in scrubs anyway, while she grabbed her white coat, feeling around for…
"Your scrub cap?" Meredith questioned as she grabbed it.
She handed the blue and white scrub cap to Meredith with a smile, "My favorite scrub cap," She corrected, "Come on, I want to see you in it."
Meredith smiled, and then put it on, "Well, how do I look?"
"Like you're ready to go do a kickass surgery," She kissed her one last time and unlocked the door to the on-call room, "Ready?"
Meredith nodded, "Ready."
Amelia scrubbed out beside Meredith in relative silence. Everything had gone smoothly, the procedure went well, near-perfect actually, aside from the few hiccups. But as they were closing, he coded, and they'd lost the man on the table. And now they had to go tell the man's wife that her husband was gone.
"He had two kids," Meredith said softly.
She sighed, "I know."
"He had two kids and now his wife is going to have to raise them alone."
"Hey," Meredith looked over at her, "We did everything we could."
"I know," Meredith echoed, "Sorry, I'm just out of it."
She smiled sadly. Something had happened earlier today, she'd heard through the grapevine, but there were no real specifics, just that it involved Meredith and Derek. She wished Derek would talk to her, but he'd been shutting her out since the night they'd talked on the phone. And Meredith clammed up faster than she could ask what was wrong.
"I like your scrub cap. Is it new?" She questioned instead, even though she'd scrubbed in with Addison a few days ago and the redhead was wearing the exact same one.
Meredith blushed lightly, and God, it was nice to see the woman have some kind of life to her, "It's um, it's Addison's. She let me borrow it."
Like she let you borrow her Yale hoodie, she wanted to say, but held her tongue.
"Well I hope you let her take you out on a proper date before you drop your clothes for her," She replied as they exited the OR.
Both Addison and Owen are there, in the midst of discussion, but Addison heard the tail end of her comment and sighed.
"Filter, Amelia."
She smirked, "I don't need a filter for Seattle, Addie. I just need to know you're treating Meredith right."
Addison opened her mouth to answer, but Owen interrupted, "Grey, when you get a moment, I need to see you in my office."
"Go now, Mere," She said, "I'll notify the family."
"What? But," Meredith started.
"It's fine," She offered Meredith a smile, "Besides, it seems important." As Meredith followed Owen, looking completely confused, she turned to Addison, "Something happened between Derek and Meredith, didn't it?"
Addison nodded, "Karev found them in the stairwell between three and four earlier today. He was just screaming at her, she said he slapped her, called her a whore."
She furrowed her brow, "That doesn't sound like the Derek we know at all."
Addison smiled sadly, "No, it doesn't. Owen wants to make sure Meredith is comfortable working with him."
"And if she's not?" Addison looked away, "Addison?"
"Restraining order, maybe even being suspended again. He could even be fired. I really don't know."
She didn't know how to respond to that. Derek was her brother, and she loved him, but he was turning into the same kind of monster that had haunted her dreams as a kid. And that scared her more than anything.
"I understand there was an altercation between you and Dr. Shepherd this morning," Owen said as he shut the door behind them.
"It was nothing," She said immediately, even though a part of her was questioning why she was defending him, "Just a disagreement."
"Two orderlies and three nurses on 4 say differently. Said they could hear him screaming at you."
"I'm fine," She insisted.
"Dr. Robbins' room is a few doors down from the stairwell on 3, and she said that…"
"I'm fine," She said again, "We had a disagreement. That's all."
"Meredith, I can't help you if you don't let me."
It was better that she got yelled at by Derek than let him take his anger out on Addison. So what if Derek got a little handsy with her? So what if he screamed in her face? It wasn't like she hadn't had Thatcher do that in a drunken episode. It wasn't like she hadn't heard all the things he'd said before.
"If that's all you wanted to talk about," She started.
"Meredith, he can be fired over this…"
Panicked, she looked up at him, "Fired? Are you out of your mind? He's anxious about his hand, that's all. I don't care if he vents his frustration to me. But you can't fire him."
God, if he got fired, she shuddered to think of what he'd do then.
"Meredith," Owen sighed.
"Look, it's fine. Okay?" She didn't even wait for an answer, heading to the door, "I've got to go."
The door shut behind her, and she leaned back against it briefly.
Derek caught sight of Meredith coming from Owen's office and struggled to control the wave of anger that washed over him. If she'd actually gone to Owen over their little spat, he wouldn't be happy. It was a quarrel, damn it. She didn't have to go running for help every time he wanted to talk to her.
He started towards her when Richard's voice called out to him.
"Derek, do you have a minute for a consult?"
He nodded and walked over. As he turned back to find Meredith, he found that Addison had joined her. He watched the blonde take off her scrub cap and try to hand it to Addison, but the neonatal surgeon refused it with a smile. He'd recognized the cap as Addison's; she must have thought it was cute to let Meredith wear it, but all he saw was her staking claim on the blonde, mocking him. It screamed See what I have. He was too far away to read lips, but he could read their body language. He watched as Addison placed her hand on the small of Meredith's back as they headed away from him, the way Meredith relaxed into the touch. That should be him, not her. Addison didn't deserve to touch Meredith. He just needed to talk to Meredith, damn it. That was all.
Owen leaned back in his chair, sighing softly. He wished he could understand Meredith's devotion to Derek. She protected him, over and over, no matter what happened. He screamed at her with several witnesses overhearing him and still, she defended him. He glanced out onto the bridge, watching as Meredith and Addison walked towards the door, Addison's hand resting on Meredith's back. If Derek had harassed Addison, the neonatal surgeon would've had no issues throwing Shepherd out on his ass. He doubted Meredith would've either.
For some reason, he thought of the Gary Clark incident; more than that, the way Meredith had told the man to shoot her.
"You want justice, right? Your wife died, I know what happened. Derek told me the story. Lexie Grey is the one that pulled the plug on your wife, she's my sister. Dr. Webber, he was your wife's doctor. I'm the closest thing he has to a daughter, and the man on the table, I'm his wife. If you wanna hurt them, the way that you hurt, shoot me. I'm your eye for an eye."
She was a martyr. It clicked suddenly, a lightbulb switching on above his head.
"She's a martyr," he muttered softly.
Of course, she wouldn't care what happened to her. She was only worried about the people around her, never about herself. So, of course, as long as Derek was harassing her, she saw no issue with it. Because it was better it was her than any of the people she cared about. This wasn't war; there was no reason for her to be a martyr.
He went to the door, seeing Derek finishing up his consult with Webber.
"Shepherd," he said, keeping his face impassive, "I need a word when you're done there."
"Sure," Derek answered.
He thought he saw something flash in the other man's eyes but ignored it. It was time someone set Derek Shepherd straight. He wasn't going to tolerate anymore bullshit. Meredith deserved to feel safe without the threat of Shepherd and his ego.
Addison followed Meredith as she led them to one of the tables outside. For once, the sun was shining in Seattle. And even if it was a little chilly, they were eating lunch outside. Or so Meredith said as she directed them to an unoccupied table.
"It was a tough surgery," She said after sitting in silence, watching Meredith pick at her sandwich.
Meredith looked up at her, "Yeah."
She smiled softly, "You need to eat."
"Doctor's orders?" Meredith asked with a soft smile.
"If that'll help," she answered, fixing Meredith with a look, "Doctor's orders."
Meredith blushed slightly before taking a small bite of her sandwich, giving her a look as if to say Is that better.
"Oh, see, they're being all lovey-dovey," Cristina's voice broke her from her thoughts as she and Teddy came walking towards their table, "It's gross."
Teddy chuckled, "Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Grey. Mind if we sit with you?"
"Not at all. Just drop the formalities. It's just Addison." She replied.
Cristina immediately dropped into the seat beside Meredith, "So what did you get up to today? Because word through the grapevine is that McDreary was being a McAss."
Meredith rolled her eyes, "It was nothing. Just typical Derek. And did you just call him McDreary?"
"That's his new nickname," Cristina said proudly, stealing a fry off of Meredith's plate.
"Fitting," She commented, sharing a look with Teddy.
"She's been going through nicknames all day, since she heard about it," Teddy explained, "I'm sure it'll change within the hour."
"This is sticking," Cristina countered, "We'll get Evil Spawn to start spreading it."
"Did you hear that Mark is getting released today?"
Addison smiled at Meredith's enthusiasm.
"Ah," Cristina replied, "And you're okay with McSteamy living with you?"
"It's fine," She answered, "McSteamy and Little Grey are model guests, I'm sure."
"Exactly," Meredith agreed.
Teddy smirked, "I'm glad I never got a ridiculous nickname."
Cristina turned to look at her girlfriend with a smile, "What are you talking about G.I. Jane? You've got the best one."
"Whatever you say, Crack Whore." Meredith muttered, which caused her and Cristina to crack up.
She would spend every day for the rest of her life making sure that Meredith never lost that laugh.
They finished eating, discussing more about Mark's recovery and theorizing when Arizona would get a new leg. As they were packing up, she got a page. She glanced at it and let out a sigh. Meredith looked at her curiously.
"Consult?"
"It seems nothing wants to work in my favor today," She confirmed with a nod. She kissed Meredith softly, "If I don't see you before, I'll see you tonight when I get Zola from daycare. 8:30?"
"Definitely." Meredith answered as they parted, "I'll text if I get pulled into a surgery."
She gave her one last kiss because she could, "I love you."
Meredith smiled, "I love you too."
As she walked away, she heard Cristina speak up, "Man, Satan has it so bad for you, Medusa."
She smirked. Yeah, yeah she did.
A/N: I think I'm finally starting to see where I'm ending the story. I still think they're going to be a couple more chapters to go. Not sure yet. Don't forget to review!