TAGS: Elliot Gilbert; paddling; Dom punishment; past relationships

From the moment Blaine had uttered his safeword, Kurt's mind had been reeling, the biggest hurt not being able to take care of his sub after he'd uttered the one word he'd hoped he'd never hear. He was trying and trying to figure out what he could have done that caused his beautiful sub to put a full stop to everything. The only thing saving himself from completely shutting down right now was that Blaine hadn't asked to terminate their contract.

Kurt texted his driver, asking him to pick them up at the front of the party and take them back to Blaine's apartment. Once they were in the car, the tension was so thick someone could have cut it with a knife. Neither one of them spoke. Neither one dropped the other's hand, either, both stuck in their own heads over what had just happened.

Once they got to Blaine's apartment, and Kurt had walked him up, asking him to please call him when he was ready to talk, Kurt trudged back to the car and asked his driver to take him home. He continued to replay every single interaction he'd had with Blaine since they'd met, and nothing was clicking as to what would have caused this.

To make matters worse, as he stripped down to shower, he saw Blaine's name over his heart.

"What have I done?" Kurt asked aloud.

As he sat there on the cold, tile floor, he knew he needed to pull himself together and really try to figure this out. There has to be a logical explanation for this; there just has to be.

So, that's exactly what he did. He got up off of the floor, took a shower, and then went to make himself a cup of tea. When he'd turned on the tea kettle, he went into his office and got a notebook and pen. He knew that lists and writing things helped him with work-related things, so he knew it would help in this situation, too. After the kettle started to whistle, he went to the kitchen to prepare his tea and then sat on the sofa near the fireplace.

While Kurt sat there, waiting for his tea to cool down some, he tried to find a good starting place. After a moment of thinking, he drew a line down the middle of the paper. He would use the smaller left side to write the names of his past relationships, and the right to analyze what happened to make the relationship end.

Kurt's first real relationship was in college. Martin was not the type of guy Kurt ever really saw himself with, which was why it surprised him so much when they hit it off. Kurt had met Martin at the library one afternoon while they were both studying their respective fields...

"Um, excuse me, but do you mind if I share the table with you?" Kurt asked. "It would seem that everyone on campus had the same idea to come to the library today, and everywhere else is full."

The man looked up from his book and smiled. "You most certainly can," he said. "I'm Martin."

Kurt could tell, even though Martin was seated, that he was tall. He had a slight frame and dark, slightly oily hair. His eyes were a dark brown, almost black color, and he had a mustache and short beard. Normally, Kurt would not have found any of these features attractive, but somehow, on Martin, they all worked together.

Cutie and a table; I lucked out today, Kurt thought.

"Kurt," he replied. "Thank you so much. I really didn't want to carry these clear back to my dorm room."

"Oh, which dorm are you in?" Martin asked.

The two continued to talk, forgetting completely about their studies. Kurt learned that Martin was a history major and had grown up in Connecticut. They bonded over similar coming out stories, and by the time the library was closing, they had scheduled a first date.

Their relationship started off pretty picture perfect. They spent every moment they could together, each one planning various dates here and there in the city. About four months after they started dating, though, things started to change. Martin missed one of the dates Kurt had planned, leaving Kurt to wait for him at the restaurant for over an hour before he paid for his appetizer and drink and went home.

When Kurt finally talked to Martin about it, he apologized profusely, stating that he was at the library and had lost track of time. He said that he had this really big project that he was working on and that it wouldn't happen again. It did, however, happen several more times. By the time their six-month anniversary came around, Kurt had had enough.

"I'm sorry, Martin," Kurt told him. "I just don't think you're as invested in this relationship as I am."

"So, you're breaking up with me because I've missed a couple of dates?" Martin asked petulantly. "Because my education is a bigger priority than seeing another romcom?"

"No," Kurt replied sternly. "I'm breaking up with you because I deserve better. Goodbye."

Kurt walked away, feeling much lighter having followed his instincts to break it off with Martin. A week later, he went to a different library to study, knowing that he'd run into Martin if he went to his usual one. When he went to sign up for a library card, not having finished his project he needed to complete, he was denied.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hummel," the attendant said. "We cannot issue you a replacement card until your fines are paid."

"This is literally the first time I've ever stepped foot in this library," he said. "There has to be a mistake."

"I see no mistake in our system," the attendant replied. "There have been multiple statements sent to your address that have gone unpaid."

He was very confused by this point. "Could you tell me which books are supposedly overdue?"

The attendant then listed off 15 book titles, all pertaining to history. That son of a bitch, Kurt thought and then took a deep breath. "I will pay the fines," he said. "Is there any way to close this account down and for me to open a different one?"

"I suppose we could do that," the attendant said, looking very confused.

"It would seem my ex has opened an account under my name and racked up quite the bill," Kurt explained. "I can't go back to the library I used to go to because I know he'll be there."

"We certainly can, Mr. Hummel," the attendant said. "And, don't worry about paying the fine."

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked.

"I am sure," the attendant said. "If I remember right, he comes in every Thursday, and we can make him pay it or go to jail. He impersonated you, and that is a huge offense. You could press charges, you know."

"I'd rather not," Kurt said. "I really just want him out of my life, especially now."

Kurt opened his new library account, and in the end, Martin went to jail because he refused to pay the fines. Not only that, he had been doing the same thing with other guys all over the city. Some places, he was opening charge accounts, and other places had hundreds of dollars of merchandise racked up.

As he reflected back on his relationship with Martin, Kurt started to write words on the paper.

Used
Untrustworthy
Forgetful
Not a priority

Creep

Jailbird

Martin left him emotionally guarded, and it took a lot of time for him to begin dating again. In fact, his next relationship caught him completely off guard.

Elliot was tired of seeing Kurt so guarded and unsure of himself. This man was larger than life, confident, and when he was around, he demanded people's attention. At least, that's how he was in the professional world. In his personal life, however, he was very much the opposite. Elliot also knew that Kurt's dominant personality was his true personality. He sometimes hated Martin so much for what he had done to his friend, how he'd changed him.

One night, Elliot had an idea to help get Kurt back on his feet and find his dating confidence.

"Put these on," Elliot said, handing Kurt a top and pants. "We're going out, and you cannot refuse me."

Kurt knew that he could refuse to go, and that Elliot would respect it. However, he wasn't sure if he wanted to. He hated the funk he was in and was honestly ready for a change of pace.

"Where are we going?" Kurt asked as he got up and went into his bedroom, leaving the door cracked open so that he could still hear Elliot.

"That, my friend, is a surprise," Elliot said with a smirk on his face.

An hour later, they were filling out paperwork at Ruby, a BDSM club that Elliot had been a patron of for the past few years.

"Why am I here?" Kurt asked as they sat down at one of the tables where guests and new members could fill out the paperwork for the club.

"Because," Elliot started. "You are one of my best friends, and I know that this will be a good fit for you. You radiate dominance out of every pore of your being, and I just want to show you how great it could be. If you decide, after tonight, that this isn't what you want, then I'll never bring it up again. However, if you do decide that this is what you've been missing in your life, I'll help you in every way I can."

"What are you?" Kurt asked.

"I'm a switch," Elliot replied. "But I lean more toward the sub side if I'm given a choice."

"So, how would you help me?" Kurt questioned.

"I'd tell you the best Dom's to train under and recommend the best books," he said. "I'd even let you practice techniques on me if you wanted."

"I'm not having sex with you," Kurt said, face heating up. "You're my best friend, and although I've seen all there is to see of you by accident-"

"We promised never to speak of that night," Elliot said with a blush.

"-it's not something I need to see again," Kurt finished.

"What I meant was that you could practice the non-sexual parts with me if you wanted," Elliot replied. "They have training rooms here; that way, another Dom could be there to guide you."

"I'll let you know after tonight if that's something we can plan on," Kurt said.

Everything Kurt saw that night, he liked. It was like the whole place lit a fire-or reignited one; he wasn't quite sure-within his body that made him feel more alive than he'd ever felt. This felt right in a way nothing else could. So, he trained. He trained for months, wanting to make sure that the first person he played with on his own he wouldn't hurt.

Kurt met Wayne one night at Ruby and was instantly taken with him. He was about the same height as Kurt, maybe an inch taller actually, and mildly muscular. Wayne had dirty blonde hair and brown eyes, light freckles scattered on his face. The two of them talked for hours that night and decided to come back the next night to play.

"I'm not a member," Wayne said. "I came here tonight as a guest, and my friend paid my entry fee. Do you think I can come as your guest tomorrow night?"

"You most certainly can," Kurt answered.

The following night, they met, Kurt paid the fee, and they played. That was the first time Wayne had called Kurt "daddy." He thought it was just a slip of the tongue, so he didn't say anything about it.

Over the next two months, things between the two were different. Wayne would sometimes call Kurt "daddy" during scenes and would act very childlike when they were out at times.

"Please can I have a new flogger?" Wayne all but whined when they were at the toy store one day. "Oh, and I would love to have this new dildo. Please…"

Kurt purchased the items for Wayne without any hesitance. If his sub was happy, then he was happy, and he was even getting used to being called "daddy."

Things took a turn for the worse one night when Kurt went over to Wayne's apartment, though. They were supposed to go out to dinner and an art gallery opening that night. When he got to the apartment, however, Wayne was glued to his TV, playing a video game.

"How much longer is that going to take?" Kurt asked.

"I'm in the middle of this mission," Wayne answered, not once looking at Kurt.

"We have reservations in 45 minutes, and it will take at least 30 to get there with traffic," Kurt replied. When there was no answer, Kurt spoke again. "Wayne, we need to get going."

"But Daddy, I don't wanna," he whined, still not looking away from the TV.

I'm in a relationship with a child, Kurt thought. And then, it hit him like a ton of bricks. I'm in a relationship with a child, a child who whines and begs for things all of the time. He wants someone to take care of him. And while I know that that happens in some relationships and that's totally fine, that's not what I want.

"Wayne, I'm going to go," Kurt said. "Keep playing your game, and I'll talk to you later."

When there was no response, Kurt left and called Elliot. In the end, Elliot and Kurt helped Wayne find someone who would be able to give him exactly what he needed, and Kurt was left alone yet again.

When he thought over this relationship, he wrote down on the paper how it made him feel and what he felt the downfall of the relationship was.

Used
Underappreciated
Caretaker

Money

Lack of communication

Kurt had played with other guys here and there, and after his clothing line had really skyrocketed, he'd been able to lavish his subs in the best of everything. It was something he enjoyed doing, and his subs had never once complained.

"Oh. My. God," Kurt said aloud. "Blaine complained. Every single time he complained, and I brushed it off. I didn't listen to my sub."

As realization dawned on Kurt what exactly had happened to make his sub safeword, what he'd done wrong, he also realized something else: He needed someone to help him. With any luck, when they were done, he could begin to forgive himself and maybe, just maybe, Blaine would, in return, forgive him. This was absolutely one situation he never wanted to repeat. Without thinking too hard, he called Elliot. "I need you to come over, please."

"Be there as soon as possible," Elliot replied and then hung up the phone.

Kurt knew what he needed, and he knew that his friend, if he was willing, would be able to give it to him. So, he waited in the living room, and 30 minutes later, he was buzzing Elliot in.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked, taking in Kurt's appearance. He'd never seen his friend this bad before.

"I need you to punish me, if you're willing," Kurt said.

"I'm going to need a little more context," Elliot said, going into the Dom mode he had.

"I, um, I didn't listen to my sub," Kurt choked out. "And now… I'm afraid that I might have lost him."

"What exactly did you do, Kurt?" Elliot asked, dominance radiating from his tone of voice.

"Every time I paid for something for Blaine, he told me that it was too much," Kurt said. "And, I always, always brushed him off. Then, last night, we went to Jonathan's party, and he safeworded before midnight. He wouldn't talk to me in the car about what happened, but I could tell that he was feeling off all night, especially after I gave him the watch."

"What watch, Kurt?" Elliot asked, tone hard as he began to see what sort of a hole his friend had dug himself in.

"A Rolex," Kurt replied. "It was something that was gifted to me, and it isn't my style at all. So, I gave it to him. But before that, I did so many other things. I paid for new toys that he didn't know about, his membership to Ruby, a whole outfit for him to wear last night, a personal masseur to help him relax before the party. And every time, every fucking time, he told me it was too much, and I didn't listen. I know he knows I have money, but I'm not sure he even knows what I do. I know I certainly didn't tell him that everything I gave him yesterday, with the exception of the bowtie, was gifted to me. It's been bothering him for so long, and then last night, it all came to a head, and he safeworded. It nearly killed me, Elliot, to not be able to be with him and care for him after that. I didn't push it, though. He said he wanted to be alone, and I honored that. It was the least I could do after I fucked everything up so badly. And then, to make matters worse, his name showed up over my heart last night."

"How many do you need?" Elliot asked. He wasn't about to coddle his friend just yet. Punishment, then aftercare; then, they'd plan.

"Fifteen," Kurt said confidently. He had hoped that Elliot would agree to help him, and he had already counted them out in his head.

"I will be in the playroom in five minutes," Elliot said. "I expect you to be ready for me when I get in there."

"Yes, sir," Kurt replied and then went into the playroom.

He picked up the paddle he wanted used, the leather covered one with holes drilled into it in multiple places, and placed it on the table next to the bench. He knew that this one would hurt the worst, and this wasn't a lesson he ever wanted to forget. Then, he stripped down to nothing and knelt on the floor. It was an interesting feeling for him, to be honest. This was the first time he'd ever asked to be punished, though he knew that other Dom's asked for it from time to time, especially when they didn't know another way to atone for their mistakes.

Exactly five minutes later, Elliot walked into the room and saw the paddle that Kurt had chosen. He took a deep breath and asked, "Do you want to be on the bench or over my lap?"

"Your lap, please, sir," Kurt replied.

Elliot then went to sit on the chair Kurt had in his playroom. "Bring the paddle to me and then lay over my lap."

Kurt grabbed the paddle and then crawled over to Elliot. With each movement he made toward him, he felt a little tension leave his body. He knew this was what he needed, and he hoped that it would work, that it would not only remind him of this incident but that it would help him to find a way to get Blaine back.

Once Kurt was in place over Elliot's lap, Elliot asked, "Why are you being punished, Kurt?"

"Because I ignored my sub when he was telling me my gifts were too much," Kurt said.

With that, Elliot started swatting Kurt's behind, only giving him a few seconds between hits. By the end, Kurt's ass was red, and he had tears streaming down his face. He kept saying, "I'm sorry," over and over again in between cries of pain and forgiveness. He knew, more than anything, he needed to forgive himself if he ever had a hope of Blaine forgiving him.

Elliot picked Kurt up and carried him the few steps to the bed in the playroom, laying him on his stomach.

"Do you want the cream now, or do you want me to let this sting a little longer?" Elliot asked as he ran his fingers through Kurt's hair.

"Cream, please, sir," Kurt said.

Elliot didn't correct Kurt calling him "sir." He knew that he wasn't quite back to himself just yet. Elliot reached into the bedside table, grabbed the soothing cream, and rubbed it gently over Kurt's behind. When he was done, he laid down next to his friend and continued to run his fingers through his hair, whispering how good Kurt was for taking his punishment.

Kurt took a deep, cleansing breath about 30 minutes later, fully back to himself again.

"Thank you, Elliot," he said.

"You're welcome," Elliot replied. "What now?"

"Now, I'm not sure," Kurt replied. "I asked him to let me know when he was ready to talk, so I'm going to honor that and let him contact me first."

"And after that?" Elliot asked.

"After that, I'll apologize and tell him what I figured out," Kurt said. "I'll tell him what I do and how I was able to gift him those things. I'll tell him that I love him, too, if it feels right. But that's something I won't rush."

"Do you think he has his mark, too?" Elliot asked.

"I honestly don't know," Kurt whispered. "If he doesn't, I hope that someday he might.