Hello everyone! First of all, Happy 2021! Hope you have a good year despite everything that's going on. I'm so sorry for not updating this sooner, but you know how writer's block is.. :) Anyway, here's the penultimate chapter! Hope you'll enjoy! -Jane

But what surprises her, even more, is the fact that this stranger before her closes the distance between them with a slight smile on her face and Donna's name on her lips.

"Donna?"

Looking back at the woman before her, Donna clears her throat and raises her eyebrow. "Who are you?"

There is nothing else she could do, really.

This woman before her is quite familiar, but at the same time, Donna can't remember ever seeing her before. As if all the memories of meeting her faded away. Which they have, obviously, but Donna is sure that she's met this woman before. There's a feeling of something she can't describe that comes over her when her gaze settles on the blonde before her - something that makes her tense up a little as the woman approaches her. And that's why Donna repeats her question.

The stranger looks slightly confused and somehow taken aback. But then, as if a realization strikes her, she mumbles something under her breath that Donna can hardly decipher. The woman spoke up: "I'm sorry, I forgot about your condition."

Donna raises her eyebrow at that. She's heard this sentence far too many times in the last few months, and it still sounds way too strange to her. She also developed a hate of sorts towards it. Which clearly shows in the way she frowns a little.

That gesture only causes the other woman to smile. "I'm Paula."

Despite feeling like she heard that name before, Donna is still confused. This only prompts Paula to specify: "Harvey and I used to date."

"Oh, really?" Donna wonders.

"Yes. We dated for a while…," Paula trails off, unsure of how much the redhead knows.

"Dated?" Donna asks, confused.

"Yes." Paula begins to retell the story of how she and Harvey met, the journey they've been on, and how they had to end things suddenly. Of course, for obvious reasons, she skips all the details that could upset either one of them. After all, that isn't her story to tell.

Once she heard everything, Donna tries to grasp every information she can. It's quite a lot to take in at first, but she tries. Letting out a deep breath, Donna looks at Paula with a raised eyebrow. "Why did you break up?"

Paula hesitates at first. But she tells her anyway. She deserves to know. "It didn't work out between us."

"How come?"

"He doesn't know this, but when you were in a coma, I went to the hospital to see him and he was sitting there, by your side. I've never seen him like that. It was strange..." Paula trails off, as something crosses through her eyes. Is it sadness? Or jealousy?

That look only prompts Donna to ask: "What do you mean?"

Paula smiles a little. "He just never felt that way about me."

"Like what?" Donna scrunches her eyebrows in confusion.

"Like he would drop anything for me."

Donna's eyes widen as Paula's words strike something. At that moment everything goes black as a memory floods through her mind.

"Donna, the thought of you going to prison makes me want to drop to my knees."

Suddenly all she can see is herself in Harvey's office, both of them looking scared as hell, Harvey shaking with fear as he says those words that somehow meant everything to her at that time.

It's too much.

So much so that, as she comes back to reality and sees Paula's confused look, she can't do anything other than to mutter, "I'm sorry Paula. But I need to go."

Paula nods, and with that, they bid their goodbyes and Donna rushes home as more memories of that day play through her mind.

Ever since she's closed her front door, Donna's feels an overwhelming need to scream. Or cry. It doesn't matter. She is frustrated and she wants to let it out, but she doesn't know how.

For the first time in weeks, her fingers don't reach for her phone and dial his number. Which was weird, but at the same time understandable - seeing as how her run-in with one of Harvey's ex-girlfriends went the way it did.

Who would've thought that it would be her who told her a piece of something important instead of Harvey?

Why didn't he say anything? Ever since she's woken up, he's been hell-bent on not saying a word about her forgotten memories. It felt strange, but Donna knew that Harvey was way too strong-headed to say something that would help her regain her memories back. Instead, he told her things that didn't matter as much - at least not to her. Not at that moment.

"Trial's set to begin Monday."

One moment she was livid and hurt about Harvey keeping things from her and the next second, her head flooded with fear as a new memory appeared. With that, her eyes widened, and the silence of the room got replaced by her voice. "Wait, did I go to prison?"

It's been almost a week since he's heard from her. Which in reality felt a lot longer, and Harvey doesn't know what to do.

Ever since they parted, Donna's last words have been playing on his mind on a loop.

"You could have just said it, you know? You could have just said that I am a COO instead of just a secretary."

She was right. He could have told her that way sooner. But he was scared. Of what? He doesn't know for sure. Is he scared of her knowing their past? Or is he scared of her knowing what came after she became a COO?

He's not sure.

But he's sure that he would do it again. Yes, it will hurt, but Harvey knows that the doctor was right. Donna needs to remember things on her own. And if that means that she breaks contact with him, then so be it.

He kind of deserves it anyway.

It's been almost a week since he's seen her, and Harvey is getting worried.

She doesn't return his calls, doesn't text back, she doesn't want to hear from him at all. This isn't like her at all.

Yes, it has happened once or twice before, but not to this extent. Usually, she would return his calls around day three or four, call him an idiot, scream at him, and they would go back to normal.

Not this time apparently.

Donna doesn't want to hear from him and it makes Harvey miserable. He misses her.

Lately, their relationship seems to have shifted into something more. They are spending more time together. Whether it is an impromptu lunch at his office, or near her theater, or a night in at her apartment, their relationship progressed slowly, but surely into something that makes Harvey's heart burst with hope.

But ever since he got a taste of what his life could be like without her, Harvey doesn't care. Every line that was blurry became clear as a day, and he knows what he wanted - her.

He wanted to take the next step at that dinner, but the redhead beat him to it and changed his plans.

Since then, his mind has been preoccupied with every possible what-if scenario, and the cases he's thrown himself into, that by the end of the week, his need to unwind has become almost unbearable.

Seeing as Mike was in a meeting with a client, Harvey decides to overcome his fear and do the inevitable.

Encouraged by a drink or two, Harvey sinks down in his chair and picks up his phone. Scrolling through his contacts, his thumb lands on her name. Debating with himself for a moment, Harvey decides to press her number and call her.

Instead of her annoyed voice that he hoped he would hear, he is met with her voicemail.

"I'm not here right now, so if you want me to call you back, say something interesting."

This can't be true. It just can't. There's not a chance in hell that I went to prison. Harvey wouldn't allow that. Right?

But what if that didn't work? What if I—

Ever since her run-in with Paula and the realization that followed their conversation, Donna's been in a void full of what-ifs. A part of her is telling her that it isn't possible - Harvey wouldn't have let that happen to her. Then there is another part of her that thinks what if I've been really prosecuted for something? It is a full-on battle that she doesn't know how to handle.

Her first instinct, as she curls up on her couch, is to call Harvey. But her conscience stops her before she can even dial his number.

After all, he didn't tell her a thing. Not a goddamn thing. And that's why she doesn't know if she can trust him again. He kept everything from her. Every memory that concerned her, he just kept to himself. How could he do that to her?!

Was he not trusting her? Or was she not worthy of knowing?

The thought of Harvey withholding something from Donna makes her emotions go nuts. She doesn't know whether to cry, scream, or throw something. But one thing's sure, she is mad as hell.

Why?

Because the person that she thought she could trust with her own life makes her question everything at the moment.

She should call him - but she knows that she would just shout at him, and she doesn't want to do that. As much as she hates him at the moment, she knows that her current hatred will fade away soon.

Because it always has.

And she hates that. The constant grip that he has on her. That always makes her crawl back to him whenever they were fighting, or whenever he did something she doesn't agree with.

It just always feels like her emotions are a maze she has a hard time navigating through when it comes to Harvey.

That's why she needs someone to talk to tonight. Usually, it would be him, but seeing as that is out of the question, her second choice is clear -her fingers scroll through her contacts and stop on Rachel. Hovering over her name for a second, Donna decides to facetime her.

After a ring or two, Rachel picks up.

"Hi, Donna!"

"Hi, Rachel!"

As much as she didn't want to alarm her friend at first, her voice betrays her. Which Rachel notices. And that's why she's asks: "What's going on?"

Oh, crap. She's noticed. Trying to brush it off, Donna acts confused. "What do you mean?"

"You're acting weird." Rachel raises her eyebrow. "What's going on, Donna?"

"Nothing really…" Donna trails off.

Rachel tries again. "Donna…"

Donna huffs out a breath as she rolls her eyes. "Fine. It's about Harvey."

Rachel widens her eyes for a second as a smile appears on her face. Not this again. "Really?"

"Well, not really. I met Paula today…"

"Paula?!" Rachel almost screams.

"Yes." Donna frowns. "I was on my way home and she stopped me. We talked and she told me something…." Then she trails off.

Rachel listens to her friend and then asks: "So let me get this straight. You met Paula. Harvey's ex. And she told you something that made you remember that?"

Donna nods.

"Oh, Dear."

There's a moment of silence between them when Donna asks, all of a sudden: "Did I go to prison?"

"What?" Rachel's voice gets slightly higher. Then she shakes her head. "No. You didn't. What made you think of that?"

"There's just something Paula said that made me remember a conversation I had with Harvey in his office. I remembered him saying something about prison… Rach, I need to know. Did I go to prison?"

"No! Harvey saved the day. As usual. But—"

"What?" Donna frowns.

Rachel becomes silent again. Just for a moment, before she spoke. "I don't know if I should be the one to tell you…"

Donna raises her eyebrow. Her blood slowly started to boil - to a point where she visibly looks agitated. "Cut the bullshit, Rachel. I'm too tired of people keeping things from me."

Donna's outburst makes Rachel smirk, for a second. There she is. "Okay. What do you want to know?"

"Everything!" Donna almost screams.

Rachel chuckles. "Fine."

"Wow." That's all Donna manages to mutter once she hears about everything that happened. From Harvey getting the charges dismissed, her leaving him and going to work for Louis, to them not speaking for months.

Rachel smiles. "Yeah, it was a lot. You've both had a rough time handling that situation, but you've made up in the end."

Donna contemplates her answer for a second. "So, what are we really?"

Rachel frowns.

"You've said that Harvey did everything in his power to protect me from going to prison. Did stuff that he could've lost his career for. What does that really mean, Rachel? Are we something? Did something happen between us again, or are we just friends?"

"No. Not that I know of."

It's Donna's turn to look confused. "Then why has it been weird between us lately?"

At that Rachel lets out an involuntary chuckle. "Honey, it's been weird for years!"

"That's the thing, Rachel. This, whatever it is, is different."

"How?"

"It's like he's pulling away from me."

"Can you blame him? You've been ignoring him for a week." Rachel murmurs something.

"What?"

"He's probably tired of waiting."

"For what?"

Rachel raises her eyebrow. "What do you think?"

Donna's silent.

"Donna, Harvey's crazy about you. Whenever there's something that concerns you, he goes batshit crazy. You don't see that anywhere. He's a strong lawyer, who can win anything. And whenever something happens to you, he becomes so small and fragile and vulnerable."

Hearing Rachel's words, Donna's eyes start to glisten with moisture.

"I know that deep down, you feel the same." Donna frowns. Which causes Rachel to ask: "What? Was that supposed to be some big secret?"

"Yes! No. I have no idea anymore, Rachel. Everything that I knew has disappeared..."

Rachel cuts in with a quip. "Not everything. You still remember everything that happened before the case." That causes Donna to roll her eyes as she continues: "Do you think he knows?"

"You remember how he used to be? Well, you don't see that guy since the accident happened. Why do you think that is?" Rachel pauses, looks at Donna's stunned face, and continues: "He's in love with you, Donna. Every play, dinner, everything that he's done for you over the years shows that he's in love with you. So much so that he's waiting for you."

"Rachel…"

"I know that you're dealing with everything, but you know that he won't wait forever." Rachel gives her a pointed look. "Unless you're okay with you two being like this, and him pulling away."

Donna stays silent for a moment. Rachel's statement having too much of an impact on her. "But what if I don't know what I want anymore?"

"Then you need to hurry up and figure it out, because like I said, Harvey won't wait forever."

"I just— I don't want to lose what we have… or what we had, you know?"

"And what is that exactly?"

"A friendship."

"No. What you and I have is a friendship. With you and Harvey it feels like a holding pattern. You once told me that you two slept together, and ever since you've been wondering what a relationship with him would've felt like. You've been circling around each other for almost a decade and a half. How long can you do that before the fuel runs out?!"

Once Rachel sees that Donna is thinking about something, she says: "Just promise me that you'll think about it, okay?"

"I will." Donna nods as she sees Rachel look at something off-screen.

"Mike's here, I'm sorry to cut this short, Donna. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Tell Mike I said hi! Bye Rachel."

"Bye Donna!"

With that, they end the call and Donna lets out a deep breath. A few seconds pass before her phone starts buzzing, indicating a new voicemail. From Harvey. Debating whether or not to open it, Donna decides to do so.

"I hope that you're okay. It's been almost a week since I heard from you and I'm getting worried. Please, text or call me as soon as you hear this."

A voicemail?! A freaking voicemail?! That's all I get?

Encouraged by the alcohol in his system, Harvey feels his raging emotions almost explode as he hears the call go to voicemail.

It's been almost a week since Donna last returned any of his phone calls or texts. Almost a week of no Donna, and Harvey is getting fed up with it. This is why he picks up his phone and decides to call her once again.

Last time they were like this, he had his secretary try to get in contact with her. But he knows better now.

He hopes that today will be different. That after all the unanswered texts and calls, she will finally pick up and Harvey will hear her voice. Find out if she's okay, or if she's mad, or if she's ready to forgive him.

He just needed his worries to go away.

Though that's the thing with Donna and being worried about her. It'll always be there, no matter what.

And that's why he has been overthinking everything and anything, throwing himself into work, and Harvey is getting way too exhausted.

He knows that keeping things from her will come with a consequence - it always does. But he doesn't think that it will matter. The situation has changed. They weren't just a boss and his secretary. Donna was his friend - even more than a best friend, and he doesn't want to keep things from her. But he also wants to follow doctor's orders.

And that got him into trouble with the one person he cherishes the most.

So much so, that he didn't think he could be this miserable without her. Yes, it had happened once before, but that was different.

He wasn't aware of his feelings then. Everything he's feeling now wasn't there before. And that's why this time is way worse.

Harvey wants to keep an eye on her. Be there for her, and take care of her while she recoveres. But he can't do that anymore, because she cut him out. It hurts.

He wants to forget about everything tonight and just get lost in alcohol with his friend. But Mike didn't, and that's what prompts him to pick up his phone again and call Donna.

Filled with hope and a lot of scotch, Harvey is getting excited to hear her voice again, but after a few rings, he is met with her voicemail. Yet again.

Rolling his eyes, Harvey cleares his throat before he speaks into his phone: "I hope that you're okay. It's been almost a week since I heard from you and I'm getting worried. Please, text or call me as soon as you hear this."

Once finished, Harvey puts his phone on the table and settles back into the couch with a sigh.

Everything's my fault. I should've told her sooner about that. Goddamnit! Why am I such a coward?!

Taking another sip of his scotch, Harvey thinks back to the day it happened.

Why did they have to go through that corridor?! Why did she have to look at her office?! Why?!

Why the fuck was he such an idiot?!

If only there was a way to take everything back. To somehow begin again. And that's when his eyes widen as a realization dawns on him. He has to fight more for her. Without thinking, and encouraged by another tumbler, Harvey picks up his phone and decides to text her.

Hey, I know it's getting late, but can I come over?

A few minutes after he sent that - which felt a lot longer - Harvey's phone buzzes with a reply.

Maybe next time? I'm way too exhausted today.

Deciding to let it go for tonight, and to let himself sober up, Harvey replies with:

Okay. Goodnight, Donna.

Goodnight, Harvey.

Just like he thought, she doesn't want anything to do with him. It's too late.

Goodnight, Harvey.

After ending her call with Rachel, Donna decides to go to bed early. Picking out her pajamas from her closet, she retreats to the bathroom, where she takes a shower. Once she is done, and dressed, she makes her way to the bedroom and lays down in her bed. As her body hits the mattress the exhaustion disappears just as her phone pings with a message from Harvey.

As much as she wants to reply and bury the hatchet between them, Donna needs to come to terms with her discovery on her own first.

Though, that doesn't mean that she can't speak to someone else about it. And that's why she tells Rachel everything. At first, she hoped that her friend will help, but she didn't expect her to open Pandora's box either.

But then again, Rachel always has the power to do that.

As much as she loves the brunette, Donna kind of hates what her words did to her once they ended the call.

Was Harvey really crazy about her? That can't be true, can it? Has he ever done something to hurt her on purpose? Not that she knows of.

Harvey is a good man, and Donna knows that. He would never hurt her on purpose. In fact, he always does, or tries to do, quite the opposite. Whenever there is something that's concerning her, he is there to solve it. Without knowing, Harvey always puts a smile on her face.

Whether it was by bringing her a cup of coffee during one of their late nights at the DA's office, taking her out for shopping trips and dinners, or taking care of her in the hospital, Donna always appreciated his effort to make her rainy days brighter.

Not only is he a good man, but he's also a great lawyer, who always rose up to the challenge. Which Donna always thinks is great. It makes him successful and feared pretty quickly. And maybe that's slightly one of the reasons why she made the decision to relocate to his desk. He knew what he wanted career-wise and Donna needed someone like that.

It's the reason why they worked perfectly in sync.

They've always been a team, no matter what was going on. Because, as Harvey once said, loyalty is a two-way street. So, whenever one of them was on the line, the other followed. When Harvey got to Pearson Hardman, when Donna got rid of the memo and they had a mock trial, or all the other times… There was always someone who would drop everything for the other one.

"Donna, the thought of you going to prison makes me want to drop to my knees."

She sits up.. What the hell was that?! She freezes, her body is covered with goosebumps, and her eyes widen.

Was she remembering something again?

"Harvey this is my life!"

She can see them in his office, both looking distraught. From what she can remember Harvey looked way too focused at first - like he always did when it came to trials. But this was different. This was her - and from what Rachel told her, the case was way too important to him.

As more moments from that night flash before her eyes, Donna remembers how scared she was of being found guilty. So much so, that her faith in Harvey's capabilities somehow disappeared. But it was when he voiced his fears that Donna truly saw how he really felt.

He was scared, too. Maybe even more than her. The timbre of his voice clearly showed her that this meant more to him than anything else. His stance - as if he was preparing for a battle, rough and focused, but at the same time small and lost from the moment she stepped into his office.

When Rachel told her about it, Donna thought that it was just something they've dealt with for a while and brushed it under the rug after. But now that the memories of that time come back to her, she knows that it was different.

Just like when Harvey told her that he was too scared of the possibility of her going to prison.

When he said that, Donna felt something break inside of her.

Harvey Specter doesn't do affection. He doesn't make statements like that just because. So, when he said that the thought of her going to prison made him want to drop to his knees, Donna knows that it means something. It has to.

Does it mean that he loves her? Maybe. Does it mean that his feelings for her are that deep? Who knows.

Looking at it with a new perspective, Donna's breath hitches in her throat.

He really does love her. He has to, right?

Being by her bedside for weeks at the hospital, taking care of her at home, all the walks, drinks, shopping trips, him coming to her plays... All of that showed her that he does care about her. But that was it. She didn't think nothing more of it, until now.

Rachel's words combined with her newfound memories tells her all she needs to know.

Harvey Specter loves her.

The thought of that scares her. Yes, the thought of being in a relationship with him had passed through her mind multiple times over the years, but she knew that he wasn't ready.

But then why did he act that way during that case?

Is there something that she's missing? Did he confess something to her during that time? Is there really something more between them than what meets the eye?

With that thought, Donna feels exhaustion overwhelm her and she falls asleep.

Waking up, Harvey feels confused.

Was he dreaming all of that?!

Did Donna really reply to him? Did he really mop around and drown in his feelings?

Yesterday was a weird day, that's for sure. Work was getting out of hand, he had no one to talk to, and when he wanted to have a night out with someone, he got ignored.

No wonder he reached for the bottle of Macallan. It seemed like his only escape these past few days. No, he isn't someone who drinks until he passes out, but yesterday everything came crashing down, and Harvey needed to escape. So, he drank - way more than he should have. He drank away his pain. He drank so much that he doesn't even remember passing out on the couch.

Which is where he finds himself the next morning with a raging headache, no less.

He shouldn't have drank that last glass.

But then Donna texted him and all he felt was pain. No one wanted him. At least that was what his alcohol-induced brain thought last night.

Shaking his head at that, Harvey tells himself to stop overthinking as he looks through his messages, just in case, and then he decides to pay Donna a visit when he sees their last exchange.

Getting off the couch with a newfound purpose, Harvey takes a shower, gets ready for the day, and eats something to soothe his hangover.

After all, he needs to have his mind as clear as possible.

This is Donna, and he needs to get her back, and he needs to do it in person. Because this time the call, nor the text helped.

Getting off the elevator, Harvey sighs.

Is this a good idea?

After everything that happened in the last few days, Harvey needs to see her, but he isn't sure if it is the right move.

Will she be okay with him coming over like that?

She wasn't responding to any of his phone calls, text, or even his voicemails. Apart from last night's reply, there was nothing from her. And Harvey is getting worried.

Is she okay? Does she need something?

With his mind painting all of the different scenarios, Harvey's steps quicken.

As he reaches her front door, he takes a deep breath before he lifts his shaking fist and knocks on her door. Usually, he would've rung the doorbell, but he's in a hurry and the thought of doing that completely slipped his mind.

A few seconds pass before he knocks again.

A minute or so later, Harvey frowns.

Is she even home? Is she asleep? Or did she faint?

Fearing the worst, Harvey decides to use his spare key and enters her apartment. Once inside, he begins his search for her. First, he looks in the living room and the kitchen, but there is no one there.

As much as he knows that she is probably still sleeping, there is a part of him that thinks something was wrong.

Because of that, his feet carry him to her bedroom - just in case.

Slowly opening the doors, Harvey looks around the room and panicks when he doesn't see her at first, but then his eyes land on the sleeping figure on the bed and he sighs in relief.

She's okay.

He closes her door behind him, and decides to go and sit down on her couch, waiting for her to wake up.

While he waits, his phone rings. Fishing it out of his pocket, Harvey smiles as he sees his mom's name on the screen. Accepting the call, he greets her with a smile on his face.

"Harvey, Hi! How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you, Mom?"

"I'm good, too. Listen, Harvey, I wanted to ask if you're free next week. I wanted to have a little family get together... " Lily trails off.

Harvey ponders over it for a minute. "Listen, Mom… I can't."

"Is this because of our past?" Lily wonders.

"No, Mom. It's not that," Harvey says as he hears footsteps coming from the bedroom. "You know I love you, Mom."

Stretching out some of the kinks in her body, Donna awakes with a yawn. Clearly exhausted, she tries to remember what happened yesterday and what caused her to have some vivid dreams. Dreams that she now has trouble remembering.

As she looks around the room, and out of the window, she can see that she slept past her usual wake up time. That's strange. Then she looks at the clock on her bedside table and sees the time. 10:30 AM. Definitely late.

Then she notices her phone flashing with unread messages. Picking it up, she goes through them quickly. A few are from Rachel asking if she is okay, others were from Louis asking her to go mudding with him sometime soon, and then her eyes fall on Harvey's name.

Opening it up, she sees that he texted her that he is coming over. An hour ago. With wide eyes, Donna rises and rushes into her bathroom. After doing her business, and freshening up, she looks into the mirror and sighs.

Is he really coming over?

Does she want him to come over?

Yes.

After everything that she found out last night, Donna knows that they need to talk. And maybe Harvey coming over means that she doesn't have to hide anymore. Maybe this will mean that they will be okay once again.

Brushing her hair behind her ears, Donna takes a deep breath and makes her way to her closet. Dressing in a pair of black yoga pants and an oversized white shirt, she makes her way to the living room.

As she exits her bedroom, a faint noise creeps through her apartment that makes her eyebrows shoot up in wonder.

What the hell is that?

Nearing the living room, the noise geta louder and familiar.

What is he doing here?!

As she enters her living room, she sees Harvey sitting on her couch, talking to someone on the phone.

"No, Mom. It's not that. You know I love you, Mom." She could hear Harvey chuckling as he said it.

Those words make her freeze on the spot though, as something flashes before her eyes.

"You know I love you."

"I'm leaving you, Harvey."

"Thank you… For twelve years."

"I'm coming back to you, Harvey."

"I want more."

"I'm dating Paula."

"Oh my God."