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Chapter Nine

Frank and Suellen had moved into the Hamilton House. It was strange for Scarlett to live with Frank without him being her husband. She was glad he wasn't her husband but it was still strange. Frank and Suellen acted so lovey dovey that Scarlett often had to leave the room when they were together. Not that they did anything improper. It was the looks, words and gestures. It was nauseating. It amazed Scarlett that every time Frank called Suellen 'sugar' she preened. What Scarlett could never understand is how Suellen could be so in love with Frank Kennedy. Frank was old and unattractive which was bad enough but he was still behaving like an old maid in britches. He was behaving the same way he did when he was married to her but while Scarlett had found those actions annoying Suellen found them charming.

In the three weeks since they had gotten married Frank had bought the saw mill. They were going with her tomorrow to help pack up the house. Scarlett had heard some grousing from Suellen about how much money people owed Frank. Scarlett decided that Frank was just meant to be a hen-pecked husband. Watching Suellen and Frank together relieved a lot of Scarlett's guilt about the two of them. Frank was predestined to be nagged and Suellen was fated to always be grumbling about something but they were happy together. She had never seen Suellen happier.

She had never seen Wade happier either. He really was a delightful little boy when he wasn't scared of her. He was so smart. He had just turned four but maybe she could start teaching him his letters already. She would talk to Rhett about it. She smiled when she realized what she had thought. Her other self would never have thought to talk to Rhett about Wade and what was best for Wade. She wondered why she had never talked to Rhett about her children. She had talked to him about everything else. She knew why. She really hadn't wanted to share her children with Rhett. This time Rhett was going to be Wade's father not his stepfather so he should be included in decisions regarding Wade.

Later that day she found out she wasn't pregnant. She smiled when she became aware of the fact, she was unhappy she wasn't with child. It will be better if she doesn't get pregnant until Rhett is out of jail. She didn't want the pea hens wondering how she got pregnant when Captain Butler was in jail. Neither answer is something she wanted them talking about. As she laid down to sleep, she was excited she was going to see Melly tomorrow.

Scarlett woke up early and roused the entire house. She was ready to get on the road. She wanted to see Melly again after five years. At seven AM they were in Aunt PittyPat's carriage and on the way to Tara. Frank and Suellen were not happy with the early departure but she didn't care. Wade just laid his head in her lap and went back to sleep. Scarlett smiled because Wade hadn't asked permission, he had just laid is head in her lap like he knew he would be welcomed and he was.

Scarlett

On the way down to Tara she thought about her life after the divorce. After her divorce she put all her money in a trust fund to protect herself. It had been that financial security that had finally freed her from her desperate need for money. She never had any more nightmares after she had deposited the check from Rhett. Once she was no longer worried about money, she had become relaxed and calm about the future. Scarlett had become the mother Wade and Ella should have always had after her divorce. She had finally valued them.

The two years after Melly's death had been a time of growth. She had gained wisdom, insight and maturity. She had basically dissected her life from when she and Ashley had that conversation in the library to when Rhett had left her. She had visited Tara a lot that first year after the divorce. Mammy had helped her by providing sage advice that Scarlett had finally been willing to listen to. She had moved to Tara in the summer of seventy-five for two reasons; to be closer to Mammy and she didn't trust the Old Guard not to turn on her again. An added bonus was it was the perfect environment for her and her children to form real relationships. She had finally felt a mother's love for her children.

Being in Atlanta had no longer interested her. She had wanted the peace and solitude that only the country could offer. After a humbler Scarlett had moved back to Tara, she had apologized to Suellen for marrying Frank. She had told Suellen that she should have had Suellen marry him then browbeat Frank into giving her the money for the taxes on Tara. She really hadn't meant it because she had still thought Suellen was too selfish to have let Frank give her the money and she had been right. The apology had mended a lot of the hostility between the sisters though. She and Suellen would never be close because they just didn't like each other. She had learned the value of an apology even if she really wasn't sorry.

Scarlett had told Wade and Ella that she loved them all the time. At first it had been awkward for all of them but eventually it had become natural and meaningful.

She had married Nick Fowler in the fall of seventy-six after Mammy had passed away. Nick had come to Kennedy's to look at furniture for his home in Macon. He had been attracted to her from the start but she had always been strictly professional with him. He had flirted with her and even made her laugh a time or two. Scarlett had continued to wait on Mr. Fowler because he had been balm to her pride and her soul. Afterall the last two men she had wanted had rejected her.

She had not become involved with Nick until after Rhett's wedding. She had not considered him anything but a friendly, handsome, funny man until he asked her to supper in March of seventy-five. She had said yes because he made her feel like an attractive, desirable woman. Something her pride had sorely needed. He had continued calling on her after she moved to Tara. He would come over from Macon once a month and stay in Jonesboro. They had corresponded the rest of the time.

She had not wanted to grow old alone so she married Nick. She had known he had truly loved her because he had married her in spite of her being a divorced woman. She had loved him but she hadn't been in love with him. She had been a good wife to Nick. She had known they would have a good marriage and they had. Nick was perfect for her at that moment. Nick had been loving and kind and she had reciprocated those actions. He had been a good stepfather to Wade and Ella.

Thanks to her marriage to Nick she had been received in Macon. She knew the busy bodies knew of her past in Atlanta. The good people of Atlanta must have still been feeling sorry for her because nobody ever asked her about her life in Atlanta. She rarely spoke of it either.

Nick had not been wealthy but he had been well to do. She had everything she had wanted except the love of her life. She suspected that he had known that she was still in love with Rhett and if he had he had never spoken to her about it. For her own state of mind and as a matter of respect she had never allowed herself to think of Rhett. She wished she had been that wise when she had married Rhett.

Scarlett had told Nick before they married that she didn't want any more children. Nick didn't want to have any children either. Nick had been married before. His wife had died in child birth. He had never wanted children which made his wife's death even more tragic. He was not going to risk Scarlett's life so they could have a child. Nick had known of a form of pregnancy prevention so they didn't have any children.

She had thought in passing that Rhett had probably known about this form of pregnancy prevention and she had been right. She had also thought if she hadn't just come home from seeing Ashley Rhett would have probably been more reasonable and he would have suggested this method. She wasn't sure about that. Rhett had been so insanely jealous of Ashley all his good humor and common sense had often escaped him in those moments. Even though she had never made any secret of the fact that she hated being pregnant, she now knew that Rhett had believed that the only reason she hadn't wanted to have relations with him was so she could be true to Ashley Wilkes. Sometimes he had been pretty obtuse also.

During her life in Macon she hadn't allowed herself to think of Rhett, Bonnie or Melly. It had just hurt too much and didn't do any good. She had always stopped herself from thinking about what could have been. Now she was living a what could have been and she was going to make the most of it.

#*#*#

Scarlett jumped out of the carriage before it had even stopped rolling. She ran in the house shouting out, "Melly. Melly." She saw Melly walking from the parlor. Scarlett ran to her and hugged her like she was never going to let her go. She even had tears in her eyes.

Melly hugged her back and said, "Darling we have only been apart for three weeks. You act like you haven't seen me in years."

Scarlett said, "It is the most we have been apart since I moved to Atlanta after Wade was born. I missed you."

Melanie was so happy that Scarlett for once was expressing affection for her. Scarlett hugged Melanie and linked their arms and they walked to the parlor where Melanie had been waiting for their arrival. Scarlett saw Ashley who was also in the parlor and thought what a sad man. The war changed him. The war and Rock Island. He was never made for this world. He was made to sit in a library and read poetry. Unlike before when she saw it as an excuse, she now saw it as the reality of what Ashley was. It was just like Rhett said that awful night, 'He's only a gentleman caught in a world he doesn't belong in, trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of the world that's gone.' She knew at that moment that Melly had always seen him as a man without a world to live in. What had Ashley said that day in the orchard 'In the end what will happen will be what has happened whenever a civilization breaks up. The people who have brains and courage come through and we who haven't are winnowed out. At least, it has been interesting, if not comfortable, to witness a Gotterdammerung. A dusk of the gods. Unfortunately, we Southerners did think we were gods.' She had not understood but now she did. All she had understood the night Melly died was that he hadn't really loved her. Now she understood even more. He was a man lost. Could she help him? No. She didn't understand him well enough to help him. Rhett could help him if Rhett would help him. She would talk to Rhett about Ashley. He was her oldest friend and she had lost so many friends already.

She turned back to Melly as Wade ran in the parlor and hugged Melly around her knees. He almost knocked Melly over with his enthusiasm. Scarlett scooped him up and said, "Be careful, my son, you don't want to knock your Aunt Melly over." She had said it in such a loving way that Wade had nodded his head solemnly but he wasn't scared or hurt by her chastisement.

She told Pork, Dilcey and Prissy that they would always have a home with her if they needed some place to stay. The servants had looked relieved. They talked for a few minutes then she put everyone to work. Everyone packed and they moved the furniture around in preparation to moving it to Alex's barn.

After dinner Dilcey asked if she could talk to Miss Scarlett privately. Scarlett said, "Yes. Let's go out to the vegetable garden."

As they walked out to the garden Scarlett could see the Dilcey was very nervous. Finally, Dilcey looked over her shoulder and Scarlett guessed she had decided they were far enough away from the house that no one could over hear her. Dilcey said, "Miss Scarlett, I should have told you this before but you had so much of a burden on your shoulders that I couldn't add to it."

Scarlett looked at the woman who had the bearing of royalty. When Prissy wasn't pretending to be a fool she had that bearing also. She said, "Go on. Tell me now."

Dilcey said, "Mammy doesn't want you or your sisters to know what your mother said in her fever."

"Mammy is in Atlanta and I don't think even her hearing is that good. I won't tell Mammy you told me."

"She said, 'Scarlett don't marry Charlie. You are too young."

Scarlett smiled sadly and said, "What else did she say in her fever?"

"She said, 'Careen don't go in to the convent. You are too' and I think she was going to say young."

"That sounds right."

Dilcey hesitated.

Scarlett said, "No matter what she said it can't hurt her now."

Dilcey still hesitated and Scarlett said, "Was she calling for Phillipe? I already know about Phillipe. He was my mother's first love. Mammy wants us to always think of our mother as perfect. Let's keep this our secret. If I think my sisters need to know I will tell them."

Dilcey visibly relaxed. She said, "It is good you already know she wasn't perfect."

"Yes. It is. Was there anything else?"

"No."

"Then come on. We still have a whole house to pack up."

As Scarlett walked back into the house she thought, 'I am going to use what Mother said about Careen to make Careen live a little before she goes into the convent. Mother is right Careen is too young to make a life altering decision. I was too young also but I don't regret it.'