Terezi groaned, a hand on her spine as she creaked backward in a fruitless attempt to relieve her discomfort. I wasn't cut out for pregnancy, she thought to herself. I'm never doing this again.

John, her loving and devoted husband, appeared in the doorway of the living room. "They're here!" he exclaimed.

Terezi sat down. She didn't care if these were her friends; they weren't getting a greeting at the door today.

Sollux and Gamzee entered the living room with an air of joy surrounding them.

"We're here!" said Sollux, grinning.

"And we brought pie!" Gamzee lifted up the tinfoil-covered dish he was holding.

"It took you long enough," Terezi muttered under her breath.

"Hm?"

"Nothing," Terezi sighed. "Okay, everybody sit down."

John, Sollux, and Gamzee each chose a seat on one of the Egrope household's many comfortable sofas and armchairs.

"Okay, this is better. So, as you're all aware, I'm pregnant."

Gamzee smiled dreamily. "You're creating a being. That's insane, isn't it? Life is such a miracle, man. It's unbelievable how—"

Terezi cut him off. "Okay, I appreciate the sentiment, but please shut up."

He did.

She exhaled nervously. "You two are here today because... John and I have decided to make you godparents."

Sollux jumped up from his seat. Gamzee's smile grew even wider.

"Oh, dude," Gamzee said. "It's such an honor to—"

"Us? Are you sure?" Sollux asked.

John nodded. "I thought it was strange at first too. But it's for the best."

"You two are surprisingly good with children," Terezi chimed in. "Better than Dave and Karkat would be. Your relationship and income are stable, too. Besides, my horoscope made me."

"Huh?" Sollux asked.

"It said something like... Oh, I don't remember it all now. It didn't sound great out loud anyway. But if you read between the lines, that was CLEARLY what it was about. I think it also mentioned something about an unexpected challenge with past loves?" she paused. "No, that was for Capricorn. The point is, if the stars said it, it's gotta be true."

"You're not adopting the kid now," John clarified. "Only if something happens to us, you'll have to take care of them."

"Are you down?" Terezi asked.

"Yes," they said in surprisingly perfect unison.

Terezi grinned. "Wonderful! Now, are you two going to stay for dinner?"

Sollux and Gamzee nodded after a moment's hesitation. They didn't want to be rude, so they would stay, but Terezi's food was beyond awful. The couple was certain she garnished everything she made with chalk dust.

Dinner was good in conversation and bad in dining. The usual at the Egrope household. Though Gamzee and Sollux lied through their teeth about the quality of the cooking, John was honest as could be. Being married to Terezi, he had cultivated a taste for the subtle and nuanced flavor of chalk over time. Lime green, he noted that night, paired especially well with chicken.

"John, man," Gamzee asked over dinner. "Are you okay? You look hella tired."

"Oh, huh?" The question clearly startled him. "No, no, I'm fine. Probably just stress. I work long hours. Accounting isn't exactly a fun job, either. These days, things have been a little... Tough for me, mentally. But I'm fine."

"John, honey, I just can't relate," Terezi said joyfully. "The life I lead as a lawyer, a wife, a soon-to-be-mother and a part time rocker/rapper with Karkat... It's like a dream come true. I really don't think I could ask for anything more."

John smiled, but his smile was hollow. Gamzee and Sollux noticed, but Terezi didn't. Obviously.

After a time, and a few million goodbyes, Sollux and Gamzee left the house. The minute they entered the car, they began dying of laughter.

"Gam, I—" Sollux stopped to laugh again. "How did that go so well?"

"They— They really believed that horoscope!" Gamzee wheezed, before the two of them entered into another fit of laughter.

Sollux wiped his eyes. "Hey, I made it look legit. And now we're the godparents. Which we should be, of course. Mirthful Messiahs know what would happen to kid if it belonged to Dave and Karkat."

"Or even worse, Kanaya and Feferi!" Gamzee added.

"Yeah," Sollux said. "Hey, what's up with John? That guy's clearly not okay."
"I don't know," said Gamzee. "Maybe he needs a little... miracle."

"Gam, you are NOT selling drugs to John. I understand that that's your job, but PLEASE don't get our friends involved in this. Besides, he's John. You're practically asking to get found out."

"Fine. Maybe it's got something to do with Jade."

"His sister?"

"Yeah. Past couple of years, sister's been mad shady. Maybe he's real worried about her."

"I don't know. I'll talk about it on my next Twitch stream, see if I can get some advice."

Gamzee nodded. "Those Call of Duty hoes always know what's up."

Sollux rolled the windows down and cranked up the music. They were shuffling their favorite local FM station, which played solely static with the occasional cartoon sound effect. This was on purpose, of course.

The "music" blared into the night, managing to irk everyone who heard it. Everyone, that is, except two young men in a tan Corolla who had just become godparents.