"I can't let you do that. We need to talk about this. But right now, promise me you won't do it. Not now… Can we at least have a proper conversation about it? Not you just taking that decision?" I pleaded with him. I felt desperate. I would have gone down on my knees and actually beg, if we weren't in a luxury hotel with guests and staff around us. I would have done anything to make him change his mind.
He marked a pause, considering my request.
"I'm begging you. If you love me… Please Christian. Please."
The idea of him doing that to the girls, to Kate.. how they would all hate me, how it would just end their world. It was just unfathomable. I felt like an intruder, a foreign body that had sowed dissent.
- "I will think about it." and I knew this was all I could get from him right now.
It was twelve thirty PM. My bags were packed and with a heavy heart I prepared my way down to the lobby.
"We still have three hours before your flight. Come. Let's get into the pool." he grabbed my hand. He quickly gestured to the hotel staff, who rushed over to take my luggage downstairs. I picked out the red lace bikini, the one that Christian had bought me, because I hadn't even thought of packing a swimsuit. He did have excellent taste, I had to give him that. After changing, I reemerged outside the bathroom. "You look..stunning. How did I get so lucky?" he placed his hand affectionately onto my butt.
Our heated argument from earlier was completely forgotten. We could do that, be angry at each other like all hell broke loose and then after the storm, the calm and sunshine reinstalled. Giving place to harmony and love.
I splashed in the pool, waiting for him to jump in. With one big splash he disappeared under the surface and emerged only after reaching the very end of the stone enclosed pool.
"Impressive." I swam closer to him. The water was cold but refreshing.
He suddenly grabbed me, pushing me not so gently against the wall.
"You know what I want to do to you right now?" he murmured into my ear. I took a look around. Thank god no one was at the pool. But I knew that the overly attentive employees of the hotel were not too far and would appear in a heartbeat, if he'd just wink. "I do know.. but this is a bad idea. People can see us." I warned him. But I couldn't help it. I instinctively let my fingers run over the smooth surface of his skin. Water droplets were forming on his muscular shoulders. He was pressing his body against mine. He was so muscular. "What sport did you say you did ?" I asked in awe of his perfect torso. "I never did say it." He nibbled on my earlobe, driving me crazy with desire. "But what do you do?" I couldn't resist running my fingers over his well formed six pack. He really was some eye candy. If he wasn't so intimidating, women would literally throw themselves at him. "Squash." He whispered. "Do you know what squash is?" He started placing soft kisses onto my neck. I didn't know or care what squash was. I was more preoccupied with the appropriateness or lack thereof of having sex in a hotel pool. What I really cared about, was have him do that magic thing he did with his engine.
I wrapped my legs around his hips, floating in the water. Tied to him.
"No..I don't. Would we get kicked out if we had sex right now?" I quizzed him sheepishly, letting my fingers run through his wet black hair.
He looked at me with an unreadable expression in his eyes. His face moved closer to mine and he kissed me. He devoured my lips with lust, while his body was pressed against mine with such ardor, I started to have more difficulty breathing. Every muscle in his torso was just so well formed and hard. If he wanted, he could easily break me into two pieces. He plunged his eyes into mine. This time, his pupils had taken a blend of bronze brown and ebony into them. His shark like eyes purely filled with carnal desire, devouring mine.
"Stop gawking Christian.. You're giving me this look again." I said, examining him behind my eyelashes. "I just find you insanely hot. It's..out of this world. If a model agency got ahold of you, I'd never see you again. Except on massive billboards." He joked. "I doubt I could be a model." I really didn't feel anything close to a model. "You really are. If only you could see what I see." his hand was suddenly on my butt again. Grabbing it, eagerly sinking his fingers into my flesh, as if he couldn't get enough of me. "What do you see?" I said with curiosity. What could he possibly see in me? He could have the most beautiful women on the planet, if he wanted. "Were you never attracted to Kate? She's just so beautiful… Or Aliya, she looks like an asian princess. And Shaheen, she just takes my breath away.. all of them..» he muffled my words with another long kiss. "They are very attractive women. But what I see.." he mumbled into my lips "…is absolute perfection when I look at you. You're smart, you're beautiful and you're kind. You complete me and I need you. Only you. I can't imagine a world without you in it. Promise me you will never leave me?" he implored me with his eyes. I responded with a gentle bite to his neck. "I wont. My love." I promised him. "As soon as this deal is done, I will join you back in Paris. How long do you plan on staying at your mothers? I could join you there?" "One step at a time, my handsome prince!" I exclaimed, running my finger down his neck. "You really need to learn how to be more patient." I scolded him.
His eagerness was cute, but imagining him meeting my mother was just not something I could handle right now. I already knew she would hate him. Rich, successful and much older than me : this was everything she stood against.
"Excuse me, Sir. You wanted me to come see you in an hour, Sir. The car is waiting outside for Mrs Grey." the young man blushed slightly, looking embarrassed. He patiently waited for Christian to give him further instructions. "Thank you Jeremy. We will be right there." Christian scuffed, making Jeremy retreat politely.
Jeremy's embarrassed face made me realise that the way Christian was holding me could easily have been mistaken for sex. Him pushing me against the pool border, with my legs wrapped around his waist. He must have thought we were actually doing it. I felt mortified by what the staff might think of me now.
"You know he called me Mrs Grey?" I told Christian. "I asked them to." He winked, before helping me out the pool. Hearing Jeremy say Mrs Grey had a strange but pleasant sound to it. I could easily get used to being called Mrs Grey, I thought. Before chasing these thoughts away.
It was time to say goodbye. Christian had changed into a black suit and loosened tie. He told me he couldn't accompany me to the airport because his lawyers were on their way. But a car was waiting for me. He seemed exited and anxious at the idea of closing his business deal. He told me the golden rule was ABC.
"What does it mean?" I asked him curiously. "ABC: 'Always be closing.' They don't teach you that at Paris University?" He asked wondrously. I had to remind him that I was not a business student, but an economics student. There was a serious difference there. "What is your 'closing' about?" I asked him, my arms wrapped around him. I couldn't let go. I didn't want to. During these past days together, we had barely really talked. There was still so much to talk about. So much to discover about each other.. "I'm buying a hotel. Not just any hotel. The crown jewel of hotels. It costs a hundred million, but it's the best of the best." his eyes sparkled, like a little boy who would get his most desired Christmas toy. "Uhh, fancy. Just a 100 mil…You know you can't buy everything right?" I don't even know why I said it, but the fact that he seemed to be on a buying binge, made me uncomfortable.
He was the incarnation of capitalism to me. To me, someone who did not believe that wealth should be in the hands of the few, who hoard and accumulate it, I felt like a real hypocrite. After all, it was also his money and his power that I was attracted to, despite my best principles.
"I can't buy you." he reached out for my wrist and gently brushed his lips against my skin. Making the hairs on my body rise. I wondered if he believed his own words. Or was he making fun of me? "Do you also own a yacht?" He looked like a yacht kind of person, too. "I did, but it sunk. I'm not even kidding. After that I was kind of done with it. But it's funny you say that. It had a name: LIFO." He remembered, chuckling. "That's a weird name for a boat. Does it mean something special?" He could be so enigmatic sometimes. "LIFO. You did accounting, right? Last in, first out ?That's accounting basics one-o-one." I looked at him with big eyes, not making the connection. "Because I used to be the last to get on the boat and the first to leave. Anyway.." He placed his hand onto the back of my neck. "You need to leave now, my love." He kissed me one last time before escorting me into the lobby. "I don't want to leave you. It hurts..I don't know why but.." I tried to not be too melodramatic. But all I wanted was to stay wrapped in his protective arms. "I'm coming to see you as soon as the deal is done. Paris or at your moms. Wherever you want." He whispered. "No no, not at my mothers. I'll see you back in Paris." I said with a heavy heart.
- "Okay, Paris then. I can be there in a few days." He gently touched my face. He could be so gentle. I really didn't want to leave at all. Shouldn't I stay? But it was too late now. I hugged him one last time and was about to leave through the glass entrance door.
"I never noticed the piano before." I smiled at him. There was a grand piano in the corner. "You can practice while I'm gone. If you know how to play." I teased. I was about to leave, when I felt something on my wrist. He was holding me, stopping me from leaving. "Wait." He guided me towards the piano, sitting next to me on the stool. "We still have a few more minutes." And right then and there, Christian played the most beautiful tune I had ever heard. There were a few hotel guests and hotel personnel that had gathered around. When Christian finished, there was a small round of applause. But I could only see him. This beautiful man who had woken up all my senses and who had made me fall in love with him. "What song was that?" I asked, in awe of the melody I just experienced. "I just made it up as I go." He smiled, with his most adorable, sweet, boyish smile. With one last kiss, he said goodbye. This time I left for good. Directing my steps to the waiting car outside. I was deeply and irrecoverably in love with him. A kind of connection like I never felt before to any other human being. I looked over my shoulder to see if he would look back, but I saw his tall handsome figure disappear into the depths of the hotel. I wish I had told him how much I loved him, just one more time.
Getting out of the country was much easier than getting in. The driver let me out at the airport and before I knew it I was on the plane, ready to fly home. The idea of flying home to see my mother filled me with happiness. But I already missed him so much. Not being with him was like having a void in my life. An emptiness, boring inside my stomach. As if a part of me was missing. Maybe Plato's missing half theory was real. Maybe he was my missing half that had been cut off in the beginning, the one I had been looking for, without even knowing so, all my life.
But Christian could be such a mystery. Such a complex creature, with many layers of complexity, clouding his being. I knew I wasn't the only one he had that effect on. I'd seen it countless times. Of women being mesmerised by him and also very much intimidated. What would my mother think of him if she met him? Should I even tell her about Christian? Or about the club? That I lost my virginity finally? That he was twenty years older? « Mom, I'm home! I have news: I'm in a club which could easily be seen as a high class escort agency and I'm sleeping with the boss, who is closer in age to you than he is to me. » …Maybe not. She would most probably get a heart attack right then and there. The problem was, she knew me like no one else did. I used to tell her everything, before Christian. Before Paris.
I looked around me. It didn't look like anyone was actually following me. Even though Christian said earlier he would have someone follow me to 'protect' me, but this must have been just a weird form of humour. Testing how gullible I was. Not that I could be sure, with all these people buzzing around at the terminal. But he must have been joking, when he said that. There was a man with a blue baseball cap looking at me. Could he be the one he hired to keep tabs on me? But then the man walked over to his girlfriend and they both left to a different terminal. Maybe I was paranoid after all. No one is following you, Ana. I told myself. But why did he say that? It made no real sense to me.
Oh Christian! You strange and handsome creature. Christian had become my world now. I was dating an improbably handsome, but twisted, potentially dangerous and immensely rich man, who bought everything and anything he liked. Just because he could. Just for "shits and giggles", as he would say. Who had developed an unhealthy obsession with me and at the same time had opened up the doors to the world of sexual pleasure. A true positive was that thanks to him, I had met the girls. Especially Kate. But because of him, I was hooked. Obsessed by his touch, the things he would whisper into my ear during sex. His dick. I had nothing to compare it to, but it had the perfect size and thickness. I always found mens bodies, especially their manhood to be something slightly nauseating and repulsive. I had once looked up penises on the internet and all I could think of was how ugly their reproductive organ was. But Christian's naked body was something else. Looking at him when he was naked, was ..arousing.
It wasn't just his perfect dick, it's length, the way it was formed. It was his muscular legs that weren't too hairy, and shaped in long, elegant, muscular limps. But my favourite part was his savoury, bouncy ass. Round and perfectly formed, it was something nice to look at or grab. His torso was that of a swimmer: toned without too much bulky muscle and defined abs. A thin waist, broad round shoulders. Not too hairy.
And then there was the way he was in bed. He was always perfectly in control, knowing exactly what to do to make my body keel over in pleasure. A true sex god. But he could be cute too. Like when we were walking back from the concert and he had jumped to get the lemon to make me a sweet sourly cocktail. Or when we were at the beach, walking and he had suddenly grabbed my hand and recited a poem in Hebrew and translating every sentence into English to explain what he was saying. It had sounded so beautiful and romantic. All these little things made me forget all the things that drove us apart. Like the age difference or the massive massive wealth gap between us. Suddenly, these things were not so important anymore. What was important was us, that I felt so good when he was around me. The way he caressed my skin with two fingers, gliding over my body from my back all the way to my lips. His touch just felt like heaven, like a feather made of silk.
I was still in my reveries when I checked my phone. 2.34. I had been waiting for my connection flight at the Istanbul airport, sitting in a calm corner where less people would walk by. I got so distracted by everything that had happened in the past days, that I realised too late that my phone was not indicating the same time as the Airport screens.
"Oh no! NOOOO!" I gasped. There was a time zone difference and I had missed the connecting flight. "I'm such an idiot." I shouted. I saw people look at me. I knew there was no point in walking to the gate where my flight would have been. It was too late.
Anger pulsed through me. How could I not pay attention like this? How could this happen ? I wasn't exactly a very experienced flyer, but the real reason I hadn't even heard them call my name was because I had been thinking about him every second of every single minute since leaving him. Now I was stuck in Istanbul. I would not call him to help me. I needed to figure this out on my own. Otherwise he'd really think I'm helpless.
I walked over to the help center.
"Hello. I'm sorry, I just missed my flight and I need a new one today. To leave to Nice." I tried to fight back tears. Calm down, just a missed flight, it can happen to anyone. Stop beating yourself up. But I felt like a truly incompetent idiot. This would never have happened to Christian. At least, I could not imagine this happen to him. I took a deep breath, while watching the woman behind the counter try to find me a flight. "We have one flight for today. It's 535 euros." she looked at me, her taffy eyes giving me a sorry look. "Oh. Oh that's a bit expensive." I could not afford this. My maximum was 150 and my card was blocked for overdrafts. Why did I not take the credit card Christian gave me. I had felt really smart, hiding the black Amex he had given me, back in his wallet. I had seized the opportunity when he was in the bathroom changing. And now, I really wish I hadn't done that. "What about tomorrow?" I said with a hopeful tone.
A line was starting to form behind me, other impatient passengers who had missed their connection, it seemed.
"One moment please." and she clicked away on her keyboard. Despite her heavy accent, her voice was full of empathy. She definitely felt sorry for me. I on the other hand felt very angry for being so careless. "Tomorrow the cheapest would be at 322 euros. It's cheaper. At 3.30 for the departure. Would you like to take that flight?" I felt like crying. I was pretty sure my card would get rejected, but it was worth a try. And then I would have to sleep at the airport.. "Okay can we try this with my credit card?" I handed her my blue visa.
She took it and ran it through the machine.
"You need to type in your code now." she gave me an encouraging smile.
I felt the anxiety in my stomach as I pushed in the four digits 3 -5-5-3. Correct code, the machine read. I held my breath and then I saw the little white paper come out « payment failure. »
"Do you want to try with another one?" she tried optimistically. My heart was heavy. "No, no it's okay. Thank you." There was no point in trying again.
I grabbed my suitcase and turned around. What was I going to do now? I could not ask my mother for money. She didn't have any. And if I called Kate? She would kill me if she found out. There was only one person to call.
I took a deep breath. It didn't ring for too long.
"Hello beautiful. Is everything okay? I'm in the middle of my business deal, surrounded by a lot of lawyers." he sounded tense but friendly "I really don't want to bother you… " I started, but my voice broke down. "What is it?" in his no-bullshit-cut-to-the-chase, tone. "I missed my connection. I'm still in Istanbul." I whined. My throat felt thick and clogged. I wanted to cry, feeling like a total failure. He must think I'm a complete moron. "Hold on." I could hear him talk to the people in the room with him and then he was back on the phone. "I can come to you. Are you still at the airport?" He asked hastily. "No, don't come. I just..need you to buy me a ticket. I'll pay you back." I added in a small voice. I felt like digging a hole and hiding in it. I could hear him ponder, his brain buzzing in high voltage energy, even through the phone. "I will organise a hotel room for you to stay in and when you're at the hotel, please call me." he hung up.
A man approached me. I had noticed him before, briefly. I remembered seeing him on the plane from Israel to Istanbul.
"Hello Anastasia. Mr Grey asked me to accompany you to the hotel. If you could come with me?" I looked at him, perplex. He was average height, dressed casually and must have been in his late thirties. He looked friendly but there was something in his face I could not determine what it was. He could have been an ex military with his short buzz cut hair and large build. I was still standing at the same place, as if frozen. My phone started ringing again. It was Christian. "Josh is my bodyguard. He will take you to the Ambassador hotel. It's near the airport and they have a suite for you ready. At the reception, ask for Jenny. She knows me, I just got off the phone with her. Breakfast is included, you won't have to pay anything." he was giving me all this informational at dizzying speed that I had a hard time processing it.
Before I knew it, I was in the back of a black car with my new bodyguard Josh sitting in the front, and we were driving to some luxury star hotel near the airport. I couldn't believe it. He actually did have me followed. Even if Josh seemed nice and friendly. This was over the line. But then on the other hand, he really did care about me. He had interrupted his business deal to help me. He send me a constant stream of text messages with instructions. "DON'T PAY ANYTHING." Was his latest, written in capital letters. It was a strange feeling, being taken care of like that. I felt reassured, he had been so quick and efficient. On the other hand, I felt like this whole scene was surreal.