A/N: Holy shit, guys. 27 reviews on one chapter, thank you. I've told you all this before, but I promise that as soon as I post a chapter, I give myself a day or two and then start writing this next one. For literally an hour or more a day, I write. So, I apologize for these taking so long, but they're really like my children. And I love this story and these two so, so much. Thank you for all the support and the dedication to checking in daily to see if anything has been posted. It means the world. Please just know that I am always writing. :)
Also, thank GOD Taylor Swift released a new album. I was running out of 3-word phrases from the lyrics of folklore (not sure if any of you realized that's what I was doing or not, but damn if that album didn't get me through a lot of writing this summer). Anyway, we have now moved on to Evermore 3-word phrases, so here's hoping there are just as many as in folklore. Love you all. Hope you enjoy.
My love for her exceed my love for anyone else, including myself. I think a few weeks ago that idea would've scared me. That somewhere in the world existed someone outside of myself that meant more to me than the body that had nurtured and protected me thus far. That somehow this body of skin and bones kept me safe long enough to find the one thing worth being a part of. That all of the love built up in my veins wouldn't even begin to capture the way I planned to love her. That maybe I existed simply to love Alison. But it wasn't scary at all. If all I was meant to do in this life was to love and be loved by her, I was the luckiest woman in the world. I never thought I would be the kind of person who ever won the lottery, who had enough luck built up over time that a few perfect coincidences would line up and my life would be made. But over the week after Carter and Jacob left back for Philadelphia, I woke up each morning and was amazed. Because every morning that week, I woke up and won the lottery all over again.
A smile covered my face as my eyes opened to find her still asleep. I tucked my hands underneath my chin, knowing that if my alarm hadn't gone off yet that I still had a few precious uninterrupted minutes next to her. Her lips were barely open, light air escaping between their pouty nature. A wild strand of blonde hair fell in front of her eyes though through its parting, I could silently watch her eyes flutter as though in the middle of a dream. A good dream. Her face was relaxed. Her hands weren't clenched. She was happy. It was a reminder that not all in her life was bad if she still found some peace in her sleep.
"You're so fucking gorgeous." I whispered as quietly as I could but said it as though I wanted the world to know. The words clambering for their escape from my repeating thoughts.
Her previous 5 days had been filled with calls from insurance, the hospital, Carter, her parents, Carter's parents, her brother, Aria, Hanna, and other friends and family that I didn't have the pleasure of knowing yet. Her life became a series of phone calls overnight. Repeating the trauma. Replicating the events and the decisions and reasoning over and over again. But it had now been mostly settled. Well, until January 8th. Jacob's official date of surgery. Maybe it's why Alison had been sleeping soundly again. All the hard decisions had been made. We now just had to wait.
She reached for me inadvertently in her sleep to see if I was still there. I caught her hand as it reached for my waist, pulling it softly up to my cheek to cup my face as I turned to kiss her palm delicately. My bottom lip traced up her pinky before kissing down the length of her hand once more. It caused her to smile tenderly as she murmured.
Wrapping her hand between mine, I placed our hand hold back underneath my chin giving her plenty of time to rise on her own. But it only took her a few moments to pull against her hand latched between mine pulling her closer toward me before opening her eyes, "Morning, baby."
"Hi." I smiled back, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "Could you feel me staring?"
She shook her head back and forth, "No. I just didn't feel your arms or legs wrapped around me."
I laughed, kissing away her pout as I replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry about that." Quickly wrapping my legs between hers to remedy the situation.
"All better." She tilted her head up from lying against my chest to kiss my neck softly, "It's date night."
"You're absolutely right about that." I shirked as I spoke, her lingering lips tickling the arch of my neck. "Will I have time to take a shower if I get home around 4 or 5? We're working with samples today, and I'd rather not smell formaldehyde in my nostrils all night."
She propped herself up on her elbow, brushing just underneath my eyes as she stared at me deeply, "Dinner's not until 8, so you'll have plenty of time." Her eyes sheepishly looked away, "I do have a secret though?"
"A secret?" I cocked my head; my interest piqued. "You're keeping a secret from me, babe?"
Her head fell, "Not a bad one. You'll think I'm still being cute."
"I'll always think you're cute." I leaned toward her lightly mouthing, "I love you."
"Ah, love you too." She squealed into the kiss. Her open mouth met mine as she allowed her bottom lip to be the last to linger. Barely sucking on her lip caused Alison's hand to tighten around the base of my neck as I further wrapped my arm around her waist. She always kissed me slowly at first. The force behind her kiss always differed, but the intention behind it was never rushed. As if she knew from that second date that we had forever to kiss however much we wanted.
I pulled away only to whisper, "Tell me."
She giggled again as her lips fell to my collarbone before slowly kissing up my neck to whisper in my ear, "I'm slowly becoming a fan of your smell."
"My smell?" I stared back, confused, "Please don't tell me that you just referred to formaldehyde as 'my smell'?"
"Other than your lavender body wash and your perfume, it is kind of your signature scent."
I groaned, "Wait. You said slowly?" She nodded. "On our first actual date you told me it wasn't a big deal?"
She placed her finger against her upper lip in thought, "I actually think you apologized for the way you smelled, and I told you to not apologize for it."
"But you weren't a fan then?"
Alison kissed me, "I love it now."
Pulling my hands over my eyes in embarrassment, I spoke through them in reply, "My God. I nearly lost you from the smell of formaldehyde?"
Her hand slapped down next to my chest as she looked at me laughing again, "I almost forgot! You know at the museum? I sprayed perfume on the inside wrists of the sweater I was wearing in case it was just a part of your smell."
"A part of me?"
"Well, like, you know older people? They smell like their house and stuff. I thought maybe the smell had become part of you like that."
"Alison!" I laughed into her chest, unable to catch my breath at her confession.
"What?"
"The perfume! You were prepared to spend the day with me and a scent you hated?"
Her hand settled against my ribcage as she still had herself propped above me in bed, "I'd spray perfume in my wrists every day for the rest of my life if that's what it took, Emmy. It's just funny to look back on. Especially when we've come so far since then." She paused before continuing in a sing-song manner, "You're my girlfriend…"
"I'm your girlfriend." I flipped to be fully on my back as my hands laced around her hips.
"We're in love."
I smirked, scrunching my nose, "We're so in love."
"I get to move in with you."
"You're moving in with me."
She wiped a strand of hair off of my shoulder before looking back into my eyes, "You're so fucking beautiful."
I turned with my chin in my collarbone, "Did you hear me this morning?"
"No? Why? Did you get up loudly or something?"
"No, Ali. I whispered the same thing to you this morning while your eyes were closed."
"You did?" She kissed my cheek, "Really?"
"I mean, I said gorgeous but…" As my voice trailed, I extended my right hand down Alison's leg, allowing my fingers to cascade down her thigh. Goosebumps raised with near immediacy on her skin as Alison's smile broadened.
Her left leg swung to the other side of my hip as she continued to hold herself above me, "We're not saving this for tonight?"
"Who said anything about not wanting to be with you again tonight?" My hand tightened around her thigh as my thumb slid just beneath her boy shorts. "I'm in for both if you are."
Alison dropped her eyes toward my chest, biting her lip as she stared at my sports bra before dipping back down toward me, "You know how much you turn me on, Emmy." Her hips sunk into mine as her lips lingered along my jawline causing a breath of air to escape. "But…"
"But?" I exhaled, starting to roll to my left to put Alison back on her pillow.
As I started to move though, Alison forced her weight on my hips as she placed her right hand around my wrist to pin me partially down, "But, I kind of just want to see how much better my surprises will be if I make you wait. I'm all about surprises." She lifted my wrist to her lips before continuing, "And.. I want to take my time with you."
"Fuck." I propped myself up on my elbows as a shiver filled me from head to toe.
"You know you like that idea better." She whispered, kissing me briefly while I stared at her in silence. "Tell me you like that idea better, Emmy." My forearm wrapped back around her waist as I gathered enough strength to actually flip Alison back onto her pillow. She gasped before falling into a fit of giggles. "Ugh. Me laughing ruins the sexy."
"Au contraire. You could never ruin the sexy." I replied, cupping the side of her face before replying, "I like that idea better, Ali. Promise."
"I am already regretting my decision." Alison's arm extended the length of my back as she sat up for us to be fully face to face. "Come home to me quick, okay?" I loved the way she held me against her, using her left hand to hold both of us up comfortably as I gathered the sides of her shirt in my palms.
"Of course." I kissed her forehead, "You will let me know how much my half of tonight is, right?"
She nodded, "You're still okay with this?"
"Which part? Our Christmas gifts being relegated to what we do tonight? Or me knowing nothing about our plans tonight yet still committing to pay half?" I smiled down at her, still perched on her thighs.
"Both?"
"No to the first question. Yes to the second." She curled into my hand as I placed it back to the side of her face. "I understand the reasoning. We've only been dating 2 months; there's no need to put pressure on gifts when there doesn't need to be. But I'd love to dote on you a bit. And you're still getting that portrait for our staircase for me? It feels like you're doing more gift-wise than I am, you know?"
She sighed, moving the hand behind her to place one finger underneath my chin before bringing me in for a kiss, "That's where you're wrong, Emmy." Alison smiled, pulling away, "The portrait is for MLK Day, remember?" She was barely able to get through her sentence before starting to laugh again.
"Shut the fuck up." I shoved her shoulder as I chuckled before kissing her again.
Sometimes I wake up and crave her lips. That's never happened to me before. That other than a stray dream here or there, I never felt gravitated toward someone like I was her. I wanted to stay here all day. In this position. With her wrapped in my arms. She kissed me with alternating bouts of passion and patience, willingly letting her take control. Alison led the way as I allowed my moans and sighs to escape thoughtlessly. Her hand cupped me through my sports bra as her hand still holding me from behind began delicately scratching against my spine. God, I craved her. And this. And us. And –
My mind-numbingly loud alarm echoed through our passion, causing Alison's head to fall against my chest, "See? Even fate wants us to wait, Em."
I sighed, beginning to back myself off of Alison's lap, "I got it; we wait."
Alison's face fell forward as she thought I was leaning in for another kiss, "Wait, no! Come back."
Walking around to her side of the bed from the bottom of it, I kissed the pout off of her face. "Love you, Ali."
"I love you, too."
Alison met me in the living room with a bouquet of red roses as I came home from work. Dressed in sweatpants and sweatshirt, I caught her mid-sprint to the vase she was temporarily storing them in. She looked over her shoulder and froze, grinning up at me at the mantle.
"Whatcha doing there?"
She giggled, lifting her arms and the flowers in a Y-shape over her head, "Merry Christmas!"
"You're adorable. You know that, right?" I clutched my fingers in the fabric of her sweatshirt on her stomach. "Merry Christmas."
Alison kissed my cheek, "These are for you. I'll leave them here, I guess?"
"They're beautiful. Thank you. You ready for date night, baby?"
"I've actually been so excited all day. It feels like the first normal thing we've done in a bit."
The quiver in her voice saddened me. She wanted normal. She yearned for normal. But life hadn't worked in her favor over the past week. Because of that and so much more, I wanted tonight to work in her favor. I wanted her world to feel a little more worthwhile. I wanted our world to be worthwhile.
"A normal night sounds perfect." I tucked my thumb under her chin before continuing, "What's our dress code tonight?"
"Jeans and nice top maybe? But also a coat. We need some warmth." Alison nuzzled her chin into my palm. "You have time though. Our car isn't coming until 7:30."
"Our car?" I smirked, "You went all out tonight."
She nodded, "It helped me put my mind on something else."
"Okay." I kissed her gently, hoping that my belief in her would be enough, "I assume we need to call J beforehand too?"
"I'm sure he'd love to see you, Emmy."
"Let me go get ready quickly, then."
After one last kiss, I ushered myself up the stairs knowing that Alison needed tonight more than I did. Out of everyone in her life, I provided the most distance between Jacob and Carter. Even with all the connection I provided, she could distance herself from it all through me.
I learned in past relationships that sometimes the stability you need to provide for a partner is to give them to space to fall apart. That keeping them together isn't necessary if they need to come apart in pieces. Sometimes you are the structure that keeps them afloat but not the glue that keeps them from crumbling. Alison needed stability through me, sure. But she wasn't asking me to hold her there; she wasn't searching to find a way to not break through this. She was looking for some place to fall.
I came downstairs nearly 40 minutes later ready to go and found her on the phone with Jacob. She was lying on her back looking up at the screen. Her smile appeared impenetrable and despite knowing that I had promised to wait until tonight, part of me desired nothing more than for my fingers to feather across her skin. For me to get lost in her. For us to get lost in each other.
"You there, Emmy?" Alison's voice echoed through my thoughts.
"Yeah, so sorry."
She waved my way as she adjusted herself on the couch, "Come sit next to me. Jacob is telling us about his week. Bug, you want to start over again for Emily?"
I sat down to find Jacob grinning face first into the camera of Carter's phone, a missing front tooth being shown off with his tongue through the hole. "Oh my! A new lost tooth?"
"Daddy pull it out at home."
"Wow, J. That's so exciting!"
"Jake, tell her your other news?"
He threw himself back on the couch, now replicating Alison's earlier position. He did so many little things like her. I wondered if she was able to see her quirks in him the same way I did. All the little parts of her that made him perfectly perfect.
Jacob rolled to the side as he started talking, "I wowked weally hawd in class dis week, E. And guess what?"
I arched my arm around Alison's shoulders, "What happened?"
"I got all stickews!"
"All five?"
"Aw fie!"
"J! I'm so proud of you, bud." My words made him close his eyes as he basked in adoration. "Also, you're doing a great job with your L's. I can tell you're working really hard."
He paused, mouthing words before speaking very slowly, "I working on my R's right now."
"How does it make you feel knowing that your letters are getting better little by little?"
"I happy. It is hawd. But if I fink bout it, it easy."
"We're both proud of all the progress you've made, baby. You're doing so well because of your perseverance. That's a big word that just means continuing something even if it's hard." Alison linked our hands together in her lap. "It's the same with your stickers."
"Acause I be good, can I sthtay at school?"
Alison sighed, clinching my hand more tightly, "Bug, we talked about this. We can't keep you at school during surgery. It's temporary though. We'll get you back to school as soon as we can."
"I stiw don't feel sick dough, Mommy."
I could feel Alison's leg nervously shaking beneath our hands. She glanced to the right which was her usual indication of needing to collect herself, so I spoke for her instead, "That's great, J. That's what we want. We want your surgery next month to be as simple as possible. But this is so that we hopefully never have to do this again, okay? We know how hard it is. We would give anything to not have this happen. But we can't stop it from happening, Jacob. All we can do is be there every step of the way."
"You stay wif me, E?"
"What do you mean, bud? After the surgery, you and your mom are staying here with me. I'll be back in Philadelphia next weekend and the weekend after Christmas. I'll stay with you then?"
"No. For sugewy? You a doctor, so you stay wif me." This time around he didn't ask. He said it matter-of-factly.
"Well, I won't be the one doing the surgery, but I can ask about being there before you go to sleep. How does that sound?"
"You can hold my hand like you hold Mommy's." He smiled another toothy grin in attempts to put a smile on his mom's face, "Mommy would wike dat. Wight, Mommy?"
"Yeah, baby." She whispered, turning back to me to place a short kiss on my cheek, "I'm going to go get dressed for our date. Jake, can you tell Emily all about your week? I'll talk to you tomorrow morning. I love you." A nervous smile crossed her lips as she began to stand.
"Bye Mommy! Love you."
My eyes cascaded up the stairs as she hustled to get out of view. I attempted to stay focused on what Jacob was saying and gasped and nodded when appropriate based on his inflection, but a part of me was already upstairs with Alison. I knew she was crying. I knew she was taking his words to heart far more than she should. So when I heard Carter shout in the background, I used it as an immediate excuse to get off the phone. I promised to be on the call tomorrow morning as well and then quickly hustled up the stairs.
"Ali? Babe? I got off the phone as soon as I could. Are you alright?" I asked hesitantly while reaching the top of the stairs, no reply coming from the door at the end of the hall. "Alison?" I called again while entering the bedroom.
"I'm in here!" She announced from the bathroom.
"You okay? I was coming to check on you." I turned the corner into the bathroom to find her exiting the closet while adjusting a sweater on her frame.
She glanced up at me, unconcerned, "Does this look cute?" Alison looked past me and into the mirror, before pausing to the right of me, "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." She walked up to the counter fixing her hair and picking hair off of her olive green sweater.
I wrapped my arms around her waist as I pressed myself against her back, "You're doing it again, Ali." She stayed silent, knowing she had been caught. I kissed her cheek. "Your feelings matter to me. How you're feeling matters to me."
"No, I know. I don't want to ruin tonight though." She placed her hands on top of mine as we looked forward.
"You won't ruin anything, babe. I'm just checking to make sure you're okay."
"Seeing him sad makes me sad. It's that simple. I just love him unconditionally, and I think he thinks he did something wrong. Like he disappointed us in the some way? I don't know how to make sure he knows that he's absolutely perfect. That this has nothing to do with any of us. That it's just a precaution."
"It's complex for a kid to understand, babe. We have to just stay steadfast in our belief that we're doing the right thing?"
Her hands tightened around me, "And we are doing the right thing?
"Yeah, Ali. I think we are."
Less than 10 minutes later, our town car arrived. As we drove in the dark to our dinner destination, I pulled Alison to curl her into my lap. With her legs tossed over mine, we talked back and forth about our night.
"I'm excited." She whispered, kissing just next to my ear on my jawline, "We are finally doing it."
Her little squeal sent the broadest of smiles across my lips, "You're so cute, sweetheart."
"It's just our first holidays together, and our first time travelling together. I don't know. I'm just really grateful to have someone by my side this year. And I'm extra thankful that it's you."
"I'm thankful, too. You're the best gift I could've asked for."
She laid her head against my chest as we continued our drive, "Same, Emmy. Same."
We approached a building in downtown Baltimore before getting out and taking the elevator completely to the rooftop. Alison's hand slipped into mine as the elevator lurched its way to the top. She wrapped her other hand around my upper arm as the doors opened onto a beautifully lit rooftop. Scattered around the expansive area were transparent, heated tents lined with clear lights around their edges. Waiters and waitresses roamed across the area as couples and small parties filled the tents for dinner. Christmas decorations lined the property making the restaurant extremely festive throughout.
"Hi. Welcome to Tipsy Elf, the Christmas pop-up restaurant of Philadelphia. Do you all have a reservation for this evening?"
"We do. Two at 8 under DiLaurentis."
I kissed her temple absentmindedly as the hostess walked us to our table. "Can I take your coats?" She paused as I turned to help Alison with hers before passing our coats both off, "Perfect, thank you. Mrs. DiLaurentis? I assume you'd like to keep all the details of your reservation order the same. Is that correct?"
"Yes, please. Thank you so much."
She sidled up next to me on the loveseat in the back of our tented area as I spoke, "Did you hear that? Mrs. DiLaurentis? She knew we were a couple, babe."
"Emily, you've been touching or kissing some part of my upper body the entire time we've been in the restaurant." Alison's right lip upturned as she leaned in for a short kiss, "We're making it pretty obvious. Was the use of Mrs. okay with you?"
I shrugged, "They can think we're married tonight. I'm in a good mood."
"Mmm." She smirked again, kissing my cheek, "I love to hear that. You excited to see what I pre-ordered?"
I laughed, looking at the opening of the tent where our waitress walked through with drinks already in hand, "I was confused by that, but apparently – "
"Hello. Welcome to Tipsy Elf. I will be your waitress, Vanessa. If you need anything in addition to what you both have already pre-ordered, please just press the button to your right ma'am." She pointed to the button on the side table next to me. "Or ask for anything additional you may need from me as I pop in throughout the night. I do have your drinks ready for you though. We have a Junior Mint for you as well as a double pour of our top Chardonnay. Is there anything else I can get you all before your appetizers?"
Alison answered for us as she tucked her crossed leg behind mine, "No, I think we're fine. Thanks so much Vanessa." She reached forward to grab her drink as I copied her movements, "I hope you like what I ordered for you. It's like a martini but with peppermint and a chocolate shaving rim. I thought it would be something a little different."
"I'm sure it will be delicious. Did you want to make a toast?"
"Sure. Just something simple." Alison paused, looking over my shoulder as she thought, "To getting out of our heads and back to each other."
Our rims clinked before I took a short sip of my drink, both refreshing and strong. I pulled away with a sharp inhale, "Woah. That is strong."
"Strong but good?"
"No, it's excellent, Ali. Would you like a sip?"
"Will it ruin my wine?"
I frowned, pulling the drink back toward my chest, "Yeah, probably. How about I save the last sip?"
Alison smiled as she curled her legs into her chest turning toward me while laying her head against the back of the couch we were sitting on, "I've wanted to ask you this for months."
Keeping my legs in front of me, I rotated my waist to face her before extending out my hands to hold them gently, "What's that baby?"
"The first morning we woke up together after the museum. Remember that?"
"Of course, I do." My thumb traced the inside of her palm. "What about it?"
"We held each other for a really long time that morning because you wanted to remember what it felt like to hold me. It was really fucking cute."
"Was it fucking cute?" Alison leaned down to kiss the back of one of my hands while I kept speaking, "I wasn't trying to be cute. I knew that if for some reason we didn't make it past those first few weeks that I remembered what it felt like to be content again. You calmed me in a way I didn't know I needed to be." I wasn't sure how else to describe it, but as I looked into Alison's eyes, I could tell she was falling more in love with me in that moment. "Was that your question?"
"It wasn't, but I loved your response anyway. I wanted to know what you put into memory. What about me stuck out to you right then in our silence? We were still innocent, you know? Before our relationship involved other people and outside influence, it's what I look back to when I remember some of our best times. And so, I just wanted to know what you clung to that early on."
"Let me try to remember." I reached across to brush a strand of her hair away from her face, "But I also think that these are still some of our best times. Are they harder? Definitely. But they're also more rewarding in some ways. Seeing our relationship stay strong. Continuing to build it together. I don't know. I miss our naivete, but I love where we are right now. I love every minute with you, sweetheart."
"Don't get me wrong, Emmy. Building our life together is what I'm looking most forward to going into this next year. I just want to escape the busyness and chaos that swarms us sometimes."
"Sometimes?" I chuckled, "Let me think. I mostly remember how you felt against me. The way your lips faintly fell against my neck. Your thumb caressing my stomach the way my thumb is gliding across your hand now. I remembered each place you were touching me just in case I didn't get another opportunity to hold you that close again. Oh, and I remember how you smelled. But I mostly remember not wanting to leave. I remember the feeling of just like pure bliss being next to you? Ig scared me kind of, but not enough to ever want to leave your side." My tongue traced my bottom lip in apprehension, "How was that?"
In our silence, Alison leaned forward for a kiss. It reminded me of that morning, her hand falling into the crease of my waist, tightening her hands to hold me closer. She replicated my earlier move, sliding her tongue gracefully against my bottom lip as I willingly opened my mouth to accept her forwardness. I could taste the sweetness of her wine pushing against Alison's force to send her further back toward the couch. Her ankle extended to wrap around the back of my own as I pulled away to look in her eyes.
"Sorry. Got lost there for a second." Her face scrunched as I kissed the tip of her nose. "I remember counting your breaths. Each count of your inhale and exhale trying to bottle up your heartbeat."
"My heartbeat?" Her words had me intrigued. I could see in her eyes that she was back in that moment. That she was back to that morning. Us before we stepped out into the rest of the world. Before we were shaped and molded into the two women sitting in front of each other 10 weeks later.
She nodded, a lazy smile crossing her lips, "I realized laying with you that night that with Carter… I don't know. I never took the time to pause and learn him. We fell into each other before we could stop and consider what was happening. I didn't want to lose you in that. I wanted to learn who you were. Intimately. I told you I started falling for you in front of the museum the day before; I didn't want to miss you. I wanted to know you and your heartbeat seemed the best way to do that."
"I love that."
Our fingers laced, "Good. I'm happy that we both focused on how physical things connected emotionally. It just reaffirms to me that we found each other close to the same place, looking for the same thing."
"I never doubted it, Ali. From the first time you said my name, I knew you were someone important to me."
We continued our night in the same fashion just reminiscing on key moments of us thus far. Throughout the evening our waitress dropped by for our next assortment of foods casually picked out by Alison. But we tended to not notice, or I tended to not notice. Alison consistently thanked our waitress before returning her gaze to me. But I was trapped in her. I was enraptured by her.
After dinner our car made its way into a more high class part of Baltimore before stopping in front of a park. "Ready for the last part, Emmy?" She slid out of the town car first, extending her hand to reach for mine before walking us toward a horse and carriage. "We're gonna go look a Christmas lights!"
"Christmas lights?" I perked up as our driver hopped down from his perch to help us into the back.
"I made a whole map of the best lights for us to look at. We have a blanket and spiked hot chocolate and just us for a whole hour."
"You're so excited." I smiled as I sat down, leaning over to cup her face in my hands.
"I just haven't been able to plan dates in years. I missed it much more than I should've. Is it too much?"
"No. Not at all, baby. I love you for how happy you are." I kissed her cheek, "If it makes you this happy every time, you can plan any and all dates you want to."
After all the talking we had done during dinner, our carriage ride through town became peacefully quiet. We would gasp and point at the highlights, but we mostly embraced the silence between us as we passed a large hot chocolate between the two of us. The cream of the Bailey's soothed the chill in our throats, and I noted that throughout the next hour, Alison proceeded to get more and more giggly.
"Alison?" I leaned over as we were nearly through, "Are you tipsy?"
She turned with her eyes glimmering in the light of the houses behind me, mischievously smirking as a hiccup seeped through, "Maybe…"
I fell against her shoulder laughing, "I don't think I've ever seen you drunk before. Oh my God, I need to take this in."
"No, don't!" Her hands covered her eyes in embarrassment, "Aren't you feeling it too?"
My hand fell against her face wanting to console her, but also soak in the moment for all it was worth. I shook my head, "I'm not, sweetheart. But you're still the cutest. Does that help?"
She laughed again, "Not really. I didn't mean to! I was having so much fun, and you stopped reaching for the thermos. What was I supposed to do? Let it go to waste?"
"Oh, you're trying to blame me for your state now?" I placed my hand against my chest. "You okay, though?"
"I'm good. Just warm and happy." Her head rested against my shoulder.
"Warm and happy is good." I reached over to pull the thermos from her hand to put it between my feet. "But maybe we should hold off for the rest of night?"
She whimpered as my arms pulled away from her to place the thermos on the floor, "Emmy…"
I looked to my left, concerned, "Are you a needy drunk, Alison?"
"Maybe? Come back, though." She pouted as I wrapped both arms around her shoulders.
"Is that better?" My hands rubbed her upper arm. "You can be needy if you want to be, babe. I got you."
Her head nestled into my shoulder as she quietly replied, "I know you do."
She didn't need help getting inside the house by any means, but all of her movements were relatively delayed. Taking her coat off she looked over at me staring, "Am I fucked up, and I don't know it?"
"Not fucked up. Just trying to be cautious. This is new territory for us." Alison walked over to me and slid her hands over my hips and onto my ass. "A forward drunk too, I see?"
"Did you enjoy tonight, Emmy?"
"It was a perfect Christmas gift. How did you think of it all?"
She shrugged, "Just Googled best Christmas dates in Baltimore and then did some digging! I just wanted us to have alone time. Get out of our heads a little bit."
My fingers slinked through the bottom of Alison's long hair, twirling her curls as we rested against the front door. "You always do, baby. That's part of what makes us so good. We keep each other above ground."
"Okay, good." Her eyes barely drooped as she looked up at me, "Don't hate me, but I don't think that I can continue what we started this morning, babe. I had too much Bailey's…"
I laughed as I held her closer to me, "Any time with you is worthwhile. Want me to grab you some water? I'll meet you upstairs?"
"Okay." While walking away, Alison held onto my hand as long as she could, even slightly pulling me backward as she reached the stairs. "Sorry! Sorry. See you upstairs."
We started our day as we ended it. Wrapped in each other as Alison quickly fell asleep underneath me. But different from this morning, I paid more attention to what she told me she had done the first morning we woke up together. I didn't want to miss her either. So as I laid there, in the empty and silent room, I adjusted myself over her chest. Placing my ear flat to her sternum, I closed my eyes. I first noted her breath, the simple way she inhaled only for a short groaning breath to accompany her exhale. That's all that filled my ear drums at first, but once I settled in and let myself relax above her, I heard it. A patient, consistent, and overwhelming thump coming from her chest. Her life existed in that heartbeat. Her beauty existed between those pauses. After a few moments, my eyes began to close and my heartbeat slowed in attempts to match hers. For us to become closer than we already were after all we had been through thus far. For us to become one.
"You look beautiful tonight."
I looked over my shoulder toward her in Alison's bathroom, incredulously, "Are you serious right now?"
"You disagree?" She smirked, placing her hands around my neck as she approached me.
I leaned in, whispering, "Sweetheart, I'm not sure if you're seeing what I'm seeing. But we're about to go to a full-blown black tie event, and I'm moments out of the shower, make-up less, and still in your robe."
Alison looked up at me smiling, "Yes and? The sentiment stays. You look absolutely beautiful tonight."
"Wait until you see me all dolled up then."
"I'm excited." She ran her fingers through the back of my wet hair, "Your flight is early tomorrow, right?"
"Just after 8 AM out of Philadelphia." We stared at each other for a moment before I continued, "You come to me on Friday?"
"Friday afternoon and leave with you the next week."
"Perfect."
And it was. Even with the turmoil swirling around us and the haunting nature that the new year was bound to provide, we were good. Better than good. Alison and I were better than we had ever been. We were forming into a couple that ebbed when the other flowed. That filled in the spaces without needing conversation. We were inherently becoming one.
We stood there staring as Alison's phone began to ring behind her, "Oh, let me get that. I'll be right back." She kissed my nose before walking away.
I smiled, turning back to start working on blow drying my hair and then straightening it. She said 'I'll be right back' as if we were having the most enlightening conversation we had in weeks. But instead, we were doing nothing at all. Nothing but being. And yet, she couldn't wait to return to me.
" – yeah, babe, we can do that." Her voice echoed through the bathroom as she quickly came back to my side, kissing my cheek before heading into the closet. "I can't wait either. Lunch tomorrow though? I want to spend tonight with my girl before taking her to the airport in the morning. No, we'll catch up, Han." Alison walked back out of the closet in her lingerie, pausing behind me to rise up on her toes to kiss the swathe of my neck peeking out of the top of the robe. "This is kind of like an anniversary of sorts, Han; I met Emmy at October's gala. I want to make sure I focus on her." She winked into the mirror before moving back into her room to lie down and finish their conversation. "If she wants to do that Han, I don't mind giving you the floor. Don't scare her away from me though. I plan to hang on to this one for bit." Her phrasing caused me to lean back to look at her. She mouthed 'forever' before holding up her finger. "I'm running behind though, babe. See you soon? Always, Han. Love you." After a brief pause, she called my way, "Sorry about that!"
"Hanna seems like quite the handful." I announced back.
Alison approached my side once again, tilting her head to face the mirror while lying against my shoulder, "She's an assistant for an up and coming designer while also trying to get her own designs off the ground. It can be hard to get her out of that go-go-go mindset. She also hasn't seen me with someone in years. I'm sure she'll still be used to spending time with me, so I was just laying down some ground rules."
"You said something about focusing on me tonight?"
She nodded, "Han and I have had plenty of galas; we've only had one. You're all mine tonight." Alison peeled down the right collar of the robe, placing a lingering kiss on my shoulder.
I'm always hers. I want to say it aloud, but she knows what I'm thinking. She knows that beyond ourselves, we have each other. That in the other's eyes, we start finding our home.
"And heads up that she might request for you two to go and talk alone. She'll seem overly protective at first, but it's just a front. It's the only way she knows how to take care of people. She's just showing love." I stayed quiet as I finished straightening my hair, knowing that she was bound to continue speaking, "And I'm sure Aria has told her all she needs to know. Aria loves you, and she knows I love you. So, you're all good."
"I am all good." I replied confidently, brushing her already curly hair from her face, "You're more worried than I am. It's just one of your friends, babe. I've done parents, son, ex-husband, the whole gamut. I can handle Hanna."
"Okay." She exhaled. "Hanna is my best friend though. For me, this is bigger than Aria."
"Then it's bigger than Aria. I've got it." I kissed her forehead in reassurance. "I've got you."
She kept her eyes closed longer than usual while whispering, "Right, right. She did remind me of something though. I kept forgetting to ask your comfortability."
"Comfortability with what?"
"Well, this is our biggest fundraiser of the year. Dad calls press, all the stops are pulled out for benefactors and employees. So there's a very big chance that I'll be pulled for an interview."
"An interview?"
She nodded, kissing my cheek, "Yeah, there will probably be a few papers that cover it. Anyway, we can split off, and I'll do the interview part alone. Or, if you're comfortable, we can both do it."
"Do an interview? For a paper? As a couple?" She nodded after each question, her smile getting a little broader and a little more bashful with each inquiry. "I'm comfortable with whatever you are comfortable with. I will be as out and proud as you'd like to be tonight."
"I want you by my side. You keep me calm so much more than you know."
"Then, I'm there."
She exhaled, "Whew. Okay, good. I need to get ready. I'm running behind you, and that means you're bound to be waiting for me to finish."
"I can wait, Ali. Don't rush."
Pulling the straightener out of the wall, I reached for hair serum from my bag to pull through the strands. Makeup followed as Alison started getting ready around me. Alison was by far closer to being a professional when it came to makeup compared to me, so I waited until she was close to being done in order to ask for her assistance with my eyeliner.
"Yep, so close your eyes, sweetheart." Her hand rested against my cheek as the liner traced across my upper lid, "You did a great job with your eyeshadow. You know, I'm not sure if I've ever seen you in eye liner yet?"
Eyes still closed, I replied, "I rarely wear it, so I wouldn't be surprised. But trust me, after I put on my outfit, my eyeliner will be the least of your worries."
"Really?" I could sense her eyebrow being raised through my lids. "I do think you bringing your outfit in a garment bag was a little over the top."
"I thought you were all about surprises?" I smirked, puckering my lips as Alison quickly met me for a kiss. Her fingers curled near my ears as she nipped at my skin while pulling away.
"I am! I am. Other eye and then I'll have you look up to the ceiling for the bottom lid." We spoke back and forth until she pulled away to look for symmetry. "You're perfect, babe. Check it out." As I turned toward the mirror, Alison wrapped her arm around my waist while tossing my hair behind my shoulder, "I already know you're going to look spectacular."
I kissed the top of her head while we both stared forward, "Thank you. Go get dressed first? I want you sitting on the bed when I come out, Ali."
Her eyes perked up, "Okay! Stay right here; I'll be right back."
She scampered away, looking back over her shoulder to smile before entering the closet. Just with her smile, she took my breath away. Sincerely. Every day was like discovering the way she viewed the world anew. I remember our first date, how I wanted nothing more than to work toward making her smile and laugh. And now, Alison smiled and laughed by just being with me. She smiled because I smiled.
"Ready, baby?"
I covered my eyes as I turned around, already grinning as I heard her heels on the tile, "Just let me know when."
"My hands are coming for your waist, okay?" She lightly whispered before pulling me closer to her, "I remembered you telling me about your favorite outfit I've ever worn…"
"Our first date. Your blue top and skirt."
"And you liked it because?" She asked, tightening her fingers on my hips.
"Your eyes. They glowed next to that blue... Did – did you buy a blue dress for me?"
Her hands let go of my hips, "I'm still holding it up because I need your help with the zipper, but how about you open your eyes and find out?"
I opened my eyes to find her in a long sleeved, floor length, royal blue gown. With a deep V-neck and a slit going up her left leg, she immediately raised my heartbeat. "Ho-ly shit."
"You like it?"
"Alison, you're stunning."
I watched her exhale, "Oh, good. I searched and searched for this one." She spoke as she turned around for me to zip her up.
Kissing the side of her neck as I zipped, I continued to speak, "I know you didn't plan this, but we're going to kind of match. But in a – dare I say – sexy way?"
"I'm going to regret us running behind, aren't I?" She curved her back into me, sinking into my chest as my arms wrapped around her lower waist.
I laughed while pulling away, "Probably, but I'll let you be the judge of that. Go sit."
Alison did a little hop with her feet out of excitement as she skipped toward the bed, the train of her dress flowing behind her. I looked back at her again just to soak her in, relishing in Alison's innate ability to take small comments and reactions and intend to make my day through her memory them. Like her blue dress. I was convinced that Alison would be the most attractive woman I had the pleasure of meeting if only in a paper bag and still be able to look across the room and see her astounding beauty capture me without trying.
Slipping into my outfit, I stood in the closet mirror to ensure that all was in place. I placed my short heels on my feet, readjusting myself from all angles. All I wanted was to make her proud tonight. To not take anything away from the foundation. To support her every step of the way. I exhaled stepping out into the bathroom, flattening everything again in the mirror before giving Alison fair warning.
"So sweetheart, you are about to freak the fuck out, okay? I need you to stay somewhat calm because I have everything just so right now. Freak the fuck out from afar. Can you do that?"
"I have to promise?" Her voice echoed around the corner.
"Yes, Ali. I had to practice getting this in order for days."
She sighed, "Fine, fine. I promise to freak the fuck out from afar. Just let me see you."
"Okay…" I walked around the corner in a black tailored suit with a plunging neckline accentuated with short heels and my hair straightened completely down my back. Alison was standing as I came around to face her, but she quickly looked behind herself to ensure the bed was still there to sit down. She had effectively been left speechless while I started talking again. "So, I had to figure out how exactly to tape the inside of the jacket because I can't wear a bra, and I had to get the waist and pants tailored to fit my – "
"Baby, you gotta stop talking so I can look at you." One hand extended in front of her for me to hold before she stood, ushering me to walk underneath her arm for a twirl. "And you thought I look good? Emily, you're going to turn every head in that place."
"That's a good thing?"
"It's a fucking great thing. God damn, you're sexy." She lifted a hand underneath my chin before gently kissing me, being sure to not touch my outfit. "I'll be the luckiest woman in the room, Emmy. The luckiest one."
"Don't say that when you're going to be right next to me. You're breathtaking."
She smiled, her chin dropping to her chest before speaking again, "To be honest, I could stand here and compliment you all damn night, but our ride will be here any minute." We both did one more once over in the mirror before Alison grabbed her index cards with points from her big purse and slipped them into our shared clutch for the evening. "Do me a favor though?"
"Anything you need."
"Walk down the stairs ahead of me? I want to fully see you from behind." She smirked as I shoved her shoulder before listening to her request. Moments after reaching the bottom she tenderly placed her hands on both thighs from behind as I turned to give her a simple kiss. "We're nearly the same height in these giant ass shoes I chose."
"I tried to go shorter for you, but these worked the best with the length."
"Don't stress for a second." She whispered, smoothing out the lapel of my suit as the horn to our limo honked out in front of the house. "Ready, baby?"
Alison and I had arrived earlier than most guests as she was a face of her father's charity, but there was still a small yet steady stream of other people entering on the red carpet. As we approached though, a shorter woman came up to grab Alison by the arm. "Alison, hi! You ready for the carpet?"
"I'd like to think so. I wrote out notecards and studied them a bit if that helps." The woman nodded before Alison shook out her head, "Oh, Patricia, this is Emily. Emily, Patricia, she is the media representative for the foundation."
"Nice to meet you." I shook her hand before wrapping my arm around Alison's waist. Alison's hand quickly met mine reassuring me of our public displays of affection.
Patricia pointed toward the camera men as she spoke, "So on the carpet we have the Inquirer, Tribune, and Business Journal in that order. We also have our own cameras mixed in for photos for our own publications and the website. Is Emily walking with you?"
Alison looked up at me, waiting for my nod before responding, "She is. Is that cool?"
"It should be fine." Patricia paused, "Our focus tonight is to answer each question to the fullest extent possible. Follow the cues we provided. Also, Emily, try not to answer unless directly asked. Let Alison lead the way, if that's alright with you."
"No worries; I'm here for support."
They spoke for a few moments more before Alison and I walked toward the first reporter. "Hi, Thomas Dalloway with the Philadelphia Inquirer. Name and role for the paper, please."
"Nice to meet you." She smiled endearingly, making me swell with adoration as I held her hand between us, "Alison DiLaurentis, accountant and board member for the foundation, as well as Kenneth DiLaurentis' only daughter."
"Perfect." He paused, "And you are?"
Alison smiled up at me as an indication to reply, "Emily Fields."
"How would like for her to be referred, Ms. DiLaurentis?"
She paused once again mulling it over, "I mean, if you have to write something… girlfriend, significant other, partner. Any of those should work."
She squeezed my hand as the next question was asked, "Tonight's gala is specifically benefitting Turning Points for Children in Philadelphia and the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Can you tell me more about why those specific charities were selected for this evening?"
"My father and our foundation are so pleased to be adding Turning Points to our program enrichment list. It is a non-profit focused on enriching the lives of over 17,000 youth and their families around the Philadelphia area. The reason we were drawn to Turning Points is due to their emphasis on a wholistic focus to the social and health services they provide. From transitional programs from foster care into the workforce to their Food and Wellness Network to Family Support Services and access to behavioral health networks, Turning Points is dedicated to improving every aspect of life for their clients no matter the phase of life they are in. In regard to the Children's Hospital, we are continuing our support of their Children's Christmas program this year by donating cash and goods specifically to the families of their most severe cases. A portion of all funds donated by our benefactors tonight will go directly toward the Children's Christmas program for next winter."
"Excellent. It's so refreshing to see the variety of support centers and non-profits you and your family select each year."
"Thank you so much. Our board receives so many requests and proposals throughout the year that it can be overwhelming knowing how many more people out there do need support throughout Philadelphia and the Northeast. With our focus on cancer research and children support networks though, we are confident that no matter how small the impact we are making, we are making an impact. That will be our continued focus going into the new year as well."
She cocked her head in anticipation of him ending the interview, but he stepped forward placing his hand on her forearm, "Your foundation's previous gala raised over $3.5 million specifically for Johns Hopkins Child Pathology Research Center, is that correct?"
"Yes, it is Thomas. Thank you for your continued interest." Alison's grip grew more secure as she started looking to the left toward the next reporter.
But he continued, "That is the center that directly worked with your family during your son's battle with cancer, is that also correct?"
She rubbed her hand on her dress, desperately searching for a way out, so I answered for her. "That is correct. The Johns Hopkins Pathology Center is one of the leading research and patient care facilities of the nation, so it only makes sense that Alison and her son's father would seek out their treatment."
"Understood. So you all could say that your foundation's donations directly led to your son's full remission?"
Alison's head fell, feeling Patricia's earlier words seep back into her mind's eye. She wanted us to answer everything as much as we could, so I acted the only way I knew how. "Due to doctor-patient confidentiality, I'm not allowed to speak about any current or previous patients' medical records."
"Doctor-patient confidentiality?"
"Yes, I work in the Research Center currently focused on a longitudinal study of epigenetic links of recurring cancer cells in adult patients. Due to my affiliation with the hospital, I am unable to – "
"But he is a patient?" He focused back on Alison, who refused to look up from the ground.
My voice grew more agitated having to respond to his questions though I attempted to remain even-keeled, "His doctors provide check-up appointments the same as they would for any of their other patients of his age."
"If you can't comment Emily, maybe Alison can?"
She looked up just briefly enough to reply before moving on, "Tonight is about the children of Philadelphia, not my son. We will not be providing a comment. Thanks so much for your time."
The photographers for the evening ushered us backwards against the backdrop to pose, giving Alison time to debrief with me through clenched teeth, "Did that go okay? Was I too obvious?"
"Why the fuck would a reporter ask you about Jacob anyway?"
"My dad must have said something. Jacob is usually a non-starter during these interviews. But did I do alright, Em?"
"I mean, you barely looked at the man after he asked. I just hope that my response – "
"No, no." She exclaimed, rotating me to face her. "You did great. You're a natural."
I adjusted her hair to be over one shoulder before adding some volume with my fingers, "Are you shaken up? I know that came out of nowhere."
"You helped. I froze again though. I didn't know – "
"We're fine, sweetheart. All is well." We both rotated to take a few photos facing forward before starting to move on, "Can you do the rest of interviews? You did great with the notecard stuff. You're going to make those organizations feel like they were heard before being selected. I'm proud of you."
Alison glowed looking up at me sincerely, "You're proud of me, baby?"
"I'm always proud. But yeah, you're great at what you do."
She stepped toward me, leaning in for a short kiss on the carpet before we got interrupted by a loud beeping sound coming from the voice from behind me, "Eh, eh, eh! I see my best friend!"
Alison pulled away blushing to whisper, "So sorry. Hanna!"
"Well, fuck me, you get sexier every time I fucking see you. What dress is this? Who made this?"
"Get off your high horse, bitch. You know it's you." They both laughed as Hanna walked around the dress to make sure it fit perfectly. She wore a dark purple gown that I assumed was also her design as they caught up before Alison found my eye again. "Oh, Han. I need you to meet someone." Alison cupped Hanna's hand in hers delicately. She seemed bashful introducing me to her, and I was caught off-guard by how different this introduction was compared to others I had received, "Hanna, this is the love of my life, Emily Fields. Emily, this is Hanna."
She pulled me in for a hug while opening the conversation, "Last season's Saint Laurent… I'm impressed. It's so nice to meet you, Emily. Also, one moment." Hanna turned back to Alison, raising her voice slightly, "I didn't want to be rude in front of new company. But Al, you can't introduce me to someone you call 'the love of your life' and then not give me any introduction at all? What the fuck? Does 20 years of friendship mean nothing to you anymore?"
Hanna was funny, spoke everything with a certain air of confidence and sarcasm. She also didn't hesitate to call Alison out or say exactly what she was thinking. I respected it despite how much it terrified me.
Alison exasperatedly sighed before trying again, "Emily, this is my incomparable best friend of nearly twenty years, Hanna Marin Rivers."
"Better." Hanna winked over her shoulder as we hugged again. "It really is so nice to meet you, Emily." She held onto my shoulders while we pulled away, "Seriously, she hadn't even so much as appeared mildly interested in anyone since her divorce. I thought she was bound to be headed for the convent. If you're comfortable, I'd love to go for a talk just us two tonight. She means the world to me, Emily. But from that whole 'love of my life' nonsense earlier, it seems like you might be her world, too."
I hadn't even spoken since being in her presence. But I also was unsure if she noticed. I had a feeling that Hanna tended to be the center of attention. It felt out of place knowing that in most rooms we walked into, Alison easily captured everyone's eye. "Well, I hope you know it's not nonsense." I finally uttered my first 8-word phrase.
"What was that?"
"It's not nonsense. Alison's the love of my life, too."
"Noted." Hanna nodded apprehensively before walking Alison's direction. I couldn't tell if she was completely sincere or not. If her protectiveness of Alison came from not seeing her in months and their first time back together being impacted by my presence. Or if her protectiveness came from something more. A side of Alison I hadn't seen or didn't have the pleasure of already knowing.
The main fortunate thing to come from Hanna's arrival though meant a permanent distraction from reporters remaining in our queue. Alison spoke to Patricia briefly before walking inside to let her know to send out a full release to the reporters of quotes they were able to use regarding the event. After speaking to her, she reached behind her back to hold my hand gently, bringing me closer as we walked. I wrapped my forearm around her waist causing us to tilt back and forth in laughter. I kissed her temple before walking around to be beside her, excited for our first full gala together.
Even with my excitement, as the night progressed Alison frequently was pulled away from our conversations or mid-waltz or even the line of the women's restroom at one point. I tended to linger by the bar without her but made easy conversation with many people walking by due to my apparent connection to the family simply being by her side. After a decently long break between one of our conversations, I noticed Alison walking back toward me from across the room. It was reminiscent of the first time I locked eyes on her. The first time she took my breath away. She was still as stunning. Still as breathtaking as the moment I knew I wanted to be hers, but she was happier now. Alison was filled with a joy that it seemed she couldn't quite place all those months ago. And I couldn't help but think that her joy had something to do with me.
About 30 feet before being in front of me again, I called her over with my finger seductively. Alison paused mid-dancefloor to look behind her, peering over each shoulder before turning back to me waiting with one arm propped on the bar.
"Me?" She mouthed sarcastically, jokingly appearing flabbergasted that I would gesture her way. When I replied with a silent 'yes', Alison winked while walking in an even more overexaggerated fashion. Really showing off. It made me swoon. "To what do I owe the honor of being in your presence, ma'am?" She wrapped her arm around my waist, trailing one finger down my jawline.
"Isn't it obvious? You've been flirting with me all night." I accentuated my voice, playing along with her game.
"Oh, would you like me to stop?" She smirked, stopping just inches away from my lips while teasing me.
I shook my head while keeping my lips pursed, "Never."
We kissed briefly, making up for the opportunity we never had at our last gala together. Alison's hands snaked up my side to join around my neck as we pulled away, "I'm sorry I've been so popular tonight. I wanted tonight to be all about you considering I walked away from you twice at the gagla in October."
I leaned against the bar, holding her hand between us. "You came to your senses though, babe." It was clear to see that I had lost her in thought. From the look on Alison's face, the pose I was in must've been attractive because she couldn't help but check me out before casually biting her lip as she made eye contact once again. I shook her hand out hoping the action would make its way to her thoughts as well, "Back to me, please."
"What? What was that?"
I opened my palm to reach forward and wrapped my hand around the back of Alison's upper thigh, forcing her to walk toward me, "I was trying to say that you came to your senses after walking away from me, but it seems like you were already regretting those moments based on how you were just eye fucking me. We are in public still, Alison."
Even though she blushed, she still remained fiery, placing one hand on my upper chest, "Don't play coy with me, Emmy. You knew exactly what you were doing leaning back on that bar top."
"I honestly didn't." I stood up straight, making us nearly eye level, "How about this?"
"No…" Her head dropped before she leaned back up to kiss my cheek, "You look amazing even just standing there. It's not my fault though that you're irresistible."
"Are you inferring that it's mine?" I teased again.
From the left of us, Hanna reentered the conversation with two cocktails in hand, "What kind of vomit fest did I enter over here?"
"You didn't enter any kind of – " Alison started to speak.
" – I see the way you look at her, Ali. There is no need to try and convince me that you aren't completely head over heels. But that's not why I'm here." Hanna adjusted herself to face me, before extending a drink my way, "I heard you like martinis. Fancy a chat just the two of us?"
Kissing Alison temple before responding, I happily took the martini from her hands, "I love a martini. Let's chat."
I turned to walk toward the tables near the back of the room for conversation as Hanna wrapped her hand in the crook of my arm. It made me feel as though we had been friends for ages instead of barely knowing each other for more than two hours. We sat down next to each other before exchanging a silent cheers. A gentle understanding that we were on level ground.
"So, I've been friends with Alison for – well, it will be 20 years this fall. I've seen her through every up and down with her family, her friends, with Carter – " She rolled her eyes instinctually bringing a smile to my face. There was more there than she was letting on. I loved seeing that subtle weakness. That behind her initial domineering appearance of being Alison's best friend, Hanna had her own issues with Alison's life that she contended with. It's what friendship is after all. " – other relationships and drama throughout her life. And now, after all of that, there's you."
I took a sip of my drink, weighing out her forwardness, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I can't tell if you mean that as a compliment or not."
"You tell me, Emily. Do I need to be worried?"
"Not at all." I smiled, thinking about the woman I loved more than really anything else in my life, "I know what you're expecting me to say though. My best friend from home, Maya, is similar to you. You're over protective, sure, but you're really here as a bullshit detector. Even I can see when Alison looks at me that she loves me, and I sincerely hope that you've seen the same when I look at her. But most people when posed that question, 'do I need to be worried?' would reply with a cascade of information. A list of all the reasons Alison is meant for me. A cavalcade of memories that you don't understand. Or a montage of highlights in our relationship. Yes, that would be pleasant to hear. I'm sure you would love to relive our relationship through your own eyes, especially because you live hours away. But you'd also walk away from this conversation thinking that I was kind of a bullshitter. You'd think that I only listed exactly what I wanted you to hear. That I only said all of that to garner some type of approval."
Hanna sat back in her seat, eyeing me as I continued. I knew I was on the right track; I knew I had read her correctly. "So, I'm not going to do that. I already told you that she's the love of my life, and I mean that more than I can explain. But she can also be stubborn. God is she fucking stubborn sometimes." Hanna cracked a smile, "Alison gets so in her head that sometimes it's impossible to reach her, especially through a phone call. She criticizes herself internally maybe more than anyone I've ever known. And she does it subtlely in ways that she hopes I don't notice, but I do. I don't know a ton about her childhood yet, just some of the biggest blips, but I know enough to know that the reason she's so self-critical is because she's never been enough for somebody. It's one of my goals now to ensure she knows that she's forever enough for me. She's thoughtful to a fault, constantly trying to stay ahead of what I may be thinking or doing as though our love is competition to win." I glanced away from Hanna's eyes to look down at the ground, only to smile and chuckle aimlessly, "She doesn't know that she's already lost that one, though. Oh God, and she avoids conflict like the plague. I'm sure you know that for a fact." Hanna nodded through her drink, "We're getting better at that, I think. But damn, she hates it. She'd rather us walk around and not discuss anything. But she knows that's not who I am, so she's making concessions." I sighed, "I say that all to say that you don't need to worry about us. I know who your best friend is. I know that you can tell how she really is feeling based on how she sleeps at night, how tightly she holds me to her. She's stubborn and self-critical and overly thoughtful and conflict avoidant, but she's the only person I want to wake up next to. She's the only person that I'd give up everything for. I'd start my career, my personal life, my everything from scratch if it meant forever with her." I licked my lips as I continued, my mouth starting to get dry, "You asked the question, 'Do I need to be worried?' and most people would fill that in and say that your intention in that question was 'Do I need to be worried about you?"
I watched Hanna's eyebrow raise as we both took another sip.
"But that's not what you meant. You meant, 'Do I need to be worried about her?' Hanna, I promise you that you don't need to be. I know her. I see her. I love her. I have her."
Hanna mused aloud, "You know, it's rare as hell that someone gets me to shut up for as long as you just did."
We shared a laugh before I continued, "I hope that answered your question though. Sorry for the spiel. She just uh – Alison means a lot to me. I wanted you to see my sincerity in that."
"No, I do. And I appreciate it. I only met one of Alison's girlfriends in college, and she was insufferable. Carter's fine and all, but I always saw the two of them as just friends. So, it wasn't my place to pry. But when Alison called me – when was it? Mid- October maybe? It was a Monday for sure. She called me and just said, 'She met everyone this weekend.' Now, please realize that Alison hadn't even muttered a word about a date or a fling or anything to me in years. So, I didn't even know where the fuck this was coming from. I was like, 'Who met who, bitch?' and she said your name as if I was meant to know it. As if it was the most plain as day piece of information in her world."
"I assume it was after the Sunday I went to church for the first time with them? I was in a tailspin too after that."
"No, not that." She brushed off, "It wasn't everything else. It was the way she said, 'Emily'. I'll never forget the way she said your name. Don't get me wrong, Alison has talked about quite few people she's been interested in in her time on Earth. The hookups, the flings, the dates, the relationships, the actual loves. But she's never said a name like she said yours. It was like she already held it close to her. Like you had already etched your way onto her heart. And she talked to me about you as though you were someone worth knowing. So, I was excited for tonight. Not because I wanted to put you through your paces or anything. But because I was dying to meet the woman who gave Alison DiLaurentis something worth looking forward to again. The woman who made her sound hopeful for the first time in years. The woman who made her start talking about love again because I honestly wasn't fucking sure if it was in the cards for her." Hanna picked up her left hand to cover her mouth from the rest of the party, "She was a MESS, Emily, an entire fucking mess. So, thank you. You honestly have no idea how much you saved her."
"I wouldn't say that. Alison doesn't need saving from anyone."
I crossed my legs in concernment, looking across the room to find her again. Alison was laughing at a man and woman in the corner, her hand falling gracefully against the woman's shoulder. It's like she could feel my eyes as she glanced my way, politely waving before blowing me a kiss. She was immaculate. But from the way Hanna was talking, it seemed as though Alison's life just months ago was depressing as hell. That outside factors made it nearly impossible for her to look toward the future. To see anything beyond taking care of Jacob and managing a relationship with Carter, her family, and her friends. It made me worry to know that someone or something before me made her feel inadequate. That somehow that night I found what Hanna referred to as 'a mess' and somehow triaged back together her best friend.
"Oh no, sweetie." She reached across the table to hold my hand, "You didn't save her from anyone in particular, no. Emily, you saved Alison from herself."
A/N: I definitely could've kept going but thought this was a apt ending for everything going on in the story right now. I hope you all enjoyed this little dose of fluff, especially after all I've put you through the past few chapters. That is of course going to be coming around again, but for now, here is just love and bliss and some hints at Alison before this story started. I plan on finding a way to loop her past into this, but the story all coming from Alison's perspective, I'm going to have to think longer on how I want to weave it through. It will come about for sure.
SHOUTOUT: I Posted this on the lAst chapTer as well, but I Recently startEd an exclusive, Original coNtent platform where all profits will go toward medical bills I have accrued over the past year due to an autoimmune disorder. Shoutout to my current top-tier supporters, SquishyAnon and armybrat8! Thank you so much for the support! If you so desire, please join. The first chapter of Promise Me Tomorrow has now been posted for all top-tier supporters and will be released to all other supporters next week.
Brief Synopsis: Promise Me Tomorrow follows a series of snapshots in a Will They? Won't They? relationship from the childhood into adulthood. Watch as life and individual circumstance stand in the way time and time again despite potentially needing the other the most. Chapters based on titles of songs leading to each chapters inspiration.
Promise Me Tomorrow will forever only be available through the platform, though I will continue posting chapters of KCU and other fanfiction based stories here always! If interested, you can find me on the site indicated by capital letters in the first sentence of this paragraph under this same username. Thank you for everyone who even checks out the page, it means a lot.
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secretpen28