A/N This chapter's song title is Maybe sung by Sick Puppies. Thank you for reading and if you like the story, leave me a review so I know how I'm doing. Until next chapter, enjoy!
The air was crisp, clean, sterile. Elyssa inhaled deeply through her nose, wincing at the dull pain that raked through her body. Her chest, abdomen, and throat seemed to bear the worst of the pain. Why did everything hurt? Had she run too hard from the mental agony she had endured in the darkness? Aside from her emotional pain, she hadn't hurt like this when enveloped in the darkness before. So why was she now? A low, steady beep found its way to her ears. Her left hand was warmer and heavier than her right. Cautiously, she opened her eyes, blinking at the harsh fluorescent lights. A green-tinted white ceiling was the first thing she saw, long rectangular light bulbs parallel to each other expertly placed about the large tile shapes. Turning her head to the right, she saw a series of monitors and bags all connected to her. Slowly, she rotated her head to the left. A large window was shaped into the wall, its curtain pulled up to reveal the dim light of twilight and the steady patter of rain. She finally looked down at her hand, her breath catching in her throat.
In a chair pushed all the way to the bed, sat the familiar shape of Solas. He was slumped in the chair, his head nestled into the crook of his arms lying folded on the bed. One of his arms was extended at the elbow just enough to allow his hand to rest comfortably in her's. Elyssa could see that his eyes were closed, his mouth hanging open just slightly. He appeared to be asleep, yet still, he gripped her hand firmly. Her heart pounded in her chest, causing the monitor to begin beeping faster. The increase in volume stirred Solas, who sat up in a daze. He blinked a few times, then his blue eyes settled on her. Under his eyes were starting to get dark and baggy, as if he hadn't slept in a few days. The whites were rimmed with red as if he had been crying recently.
"Elyssa?" he called softly as if he couldn't believe she was real, "are you really awake?"
"Not intentionally," she joked darkly, her voice coming out scratchy and hoarse. Solas handed her a glass of water, which she took hesitantly. For a brief moment, his fingertips brushed over hers, driving her heart rate audibly up. Flame spread across her cheeks, heating her face visibly. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to say. She opened her mouth only to immediately close it. She remembered what had landed her here. She remembered that she didn't matter. Fate truly was a cruel mistress, that she should fail to escape the misery it seemed determined to throw at her every turn.
"Why?" Solas asked, his voice low, hesitant, nervous. "Why did you do it?"
"It doesn't matter," Elyssa sighed, turning her head away from him. She didn't want him to see the tears that were threatening to fall. She didn't want him to know she still cared about him. She didn't want him to know that seeing how much pain she caused him hurt.
A warm hand pressed lightly on her chin, guiding her head around. Serious eyes, more grey than blue now, bore into her. She was paralyzed, trapped in his hypnotic gaze, in all the emotion they held. "It matters greatly," Solas said sternly, "you matter greatly."
Elyssa's bottom lip quivered, more moisture pooling in her eyes. His eyes held the same kindness that she had always seen, but now he was looking at her differently. He stared at her with the full intensity of emotion she had glimpsed from him in short instances before he remembered who he was with and looked away. He wasn't looking away this time. He was staring, unashamed, with the eyes of someone who truly seemed to care for her. She had to be dreaming. It was the only explanation for the way Solas' eyes seemed to hold so much intense emotion, just for her. "Why?" she whispered.
He let his fingers trace the line of her jaw up to the tip of her ear, before cupping her face delicately in his palm. "Because," he began softly, "Ar lath ma, vhenan."
Elyssa's heart stopped, her stomach flipped and filled with butterflies, her breath refused to leave her body. She was definitely dreaming; but oh what a sweet dream it was. Yet, how agonizingly cruel was it as well. To give her the very thing she had wanted for so long was both pleasure and torture, simply because as much as she wanted to hear it, she knew it wasn't true. "Stop," she begged, the tears finally falling down her face, "stop being so cruel." Her voice began to rise as she let her anger and pain pour into her words. "Just STOP!"
"Elyssa?" his voice was soft, full of kindness, full of understanding, "how can I help?"
"You can make this real," she cried.
"Vhenan," he soothed, gently stroking her face, "this is real."
She shook her head, "It can't be. You didn't want me. You told me it was a mistake. You have someone else." Her chest ached, the squeezing, jabbing pain more prominent than ever. Tears streamed down her cheeks like the rain falling down the window.
"Elyssa, there is no one else. There is you and only you. There will always be you and only you." His voice was husky with so much emotion, begging her to understand what he was saying. She wanted so desperately to. She wanted to believe every word he was saying. She wanted to, but…
"I'm broken," she whispered, defeated. She focused on her hands folded around the glass of water in her lap.
"You are not broken," he disagreed softly, "you are flawed." She looked up at Solas, expecting to see his eyes harden and the care in them fade. Instead, she found the opposite. His eyes were a brilliant soft blue, full of love and understanding. "I, too, am flawed."
"I don't care," she breathed, hope pulsing through her veins.
Solas chuckled, a smile coming to his full lips. "That is what makes you so perfect ma'lath. All of the time I spent carefully building and maintaining my defenses so I would never again be vulnerable was a waste. You waltzed into my life ignoring those defenses, breaking those walls without so much a thought. It wasn't until I realized that they were gone did I fully understand what had happened." Elyssa tilted her head slightly in question. "Before you, I was walking amongst the world, tranquil. I had shut myself off from caring too much, afraid because of where it had gotten me before. Then you came along, and you changed everything."
"The woman with the black hair?" Elyssa asked hesitantly, afraid to believe what she was hearing. Afraid to believe that someone truly did love her.
"That is a story for another time," Solas sighed, "when you are better and ready to listen to why I tried pushing you away." Elyssa nodded in agreement. She would wait for Solas to be ready to tell her, just as he waited for her. "For now, there is a matter that needs your attention." Her attention was turned to the door across the room, where a large horned figure stood.
"Mrs. Adaar?" she questioned. The woman stepped into the room, her legs shaking slightly as if she were nervous. She strode over to stand beside Solas, who offered her the chair he was sitting in. With a nod, she accepted and Solas left the room. Elyssa started in a slight panic at his retreating figure. She wasn't ready for him to leave, especially after speaking so ominously.
Mrs. Adaar offered her a kind smile. "He won't be far, I'm sure," she soothed.
"Why did he go?" Elyssa asked.
"To give us some privacy I would assume," she answered with a chuckle.
"Why?" Elyssa was nervous. She hadn't expected to see her guidance counselor here. She couldn't imagine why the qunari would be here, what they would need privacy for, or why Solas would say Mrs. Adaar arriving was a matter that needed her attention.
"Elyssa, what I'm about to tell you may be hard for you to hear," Mrs. Adaar began, "but I need you to listen with an open mind." Elyssa nodded, too afraid to speak. "After what happened to you before Thanksgiving, I began looking into getting you into a better home environment. When you tried to end your life a few days ago, I revamped my efforts."
"What does that mean?" Elyssa asked hesitantly.
"It means you won't be going home to your mother," Mrs. Adaar explained kindly, "instead you will be coming home with me once you are discharged."
"With you?"
"I have taken it upon myself to ensure that your living environment is a good one for the remainder of your time as a minor. I know that's only a few months, but I want to personally make sure you're safe and happy." She smiled nervously at Elyssa, waiting for her answer.
"I-I won't have to talk to my mother again?" Elyssa asked.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Mrs. Adaar answered, "that choice is yours entirely."
"How did this happen?"
"After she heard that you were in the hospital, she came to see you. I asked to speak with her privately because I was concerned that she was not fully understanding what had happened to you. After we exchanged words, I understood that she was not… in the position to give you the care you so desperately needed. So, I convinced her to sign her custody of you over to me, making me your legal foster mother until you're eighteen."
"She signed me away?" Elyssa's lip quivered, "did she even fight you on it?" Tears spilled from her eyes once more. How like her mother to sign her away, effectively getting rid of her. She never wanted her, Elyssa had always suspected that, but to know that she had no qualms about getting rid of her stabbed her heart like a knife.
"I'm sorry," Mrs. Adaar murmured sympathetically.
"It's not your fault, Mrs. Adaar," Elyssa sighed.
"Just Salem is fine," she said, "no need to be so formal if you don't want to."
"Thank you… Salem," Elyssa tried to smile for the woman who was being so kind to her, "I'll try not to be any trouble. I-I can pay rent if you want."
Salem scoffed with a small smile, "I don't make them pay rent and they deserve it," she pointed to the two figures Elyssa hadn't noticed standing in the doorway. Coach Bull and Krem came into the room, bellowing protest. Salem silenced them with a look and a raise of her hand. "Let us not forget the water hose incident, boys," she scolded playfully. Both the human and the qunari looked away, embarrassed. Both mumbled under their breath about it 'not being their fault'.
"Elyssa, this is my husband, The Iron Bull, and our son Cremisius," Salem introduced her to the towering qunari man and human beside him. She waved tentatively, once again afraid to open her mouth and possibly insert her foot.
"Your cat is a bitch," Coach Bull blurted, holding up his arm with day-old scratch marks.
Elyssa burst into laughter, unable to stop the sound from escaping. Salem looked surprised for a moment, then began laughing too, Krem joining in as well. "That would be my ferocious flower for you," Elyssa chuckled, "she's never really liked anyone but me. I guess it's because I've taken care of her since she was a week old."
"Ferocious, I'd agree with," Coach Bull grumbled, "flower, not so much."
"I'm sorry Tiger Lily hurt you," Elyssa said, "please don't make me get rid of her."
"Who said anything about getting rid of her?" Coach Bull puzzled, "I didn't go through all that trouble of dragging her out of that house and nearly losing an arm just to toss her out."
"I can keep her?" Elyssa sighed in relief.
"Of course," Salem answered, "though we will have to get her new supplies. We weren't really able to grab much of her things along with yours."
"Thank you so much Salem," Elyssa smiled tentatively. Between Solas and now Salem, perhaps Fate hadn't been as cruel to her as she had thought.