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CHAPTER 8:
"Addison's Guy"
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Derek smiled at Addison's lodger as he flipped the omelet in the pan. "I heard that you're a contender to be trained in neonatal surgery." She seemed like someone his wife would be able to groom into a competent surgeon. During Richard's surgery, she'd been useful, but careful not to get underfoot, never asking too many questions, nor not enough of them. Good instincts. The raw material was there for Addison to shape.
"Yeah, well," Grey stuffed a forkful of his cooking into her mouth and chewed. She ate like she hadn't seen food in a while, so Derek was left wondering if she was just as good at cooking as Addison was. Since his wife came from a household with servants, there had never been an incentive for her to learn. "The competition is kind of tough and the bell peppers in here are really tasty."
"Thank you. Breakfast is important," he smiled, adding a pinch of seasoning to the eggs cooking in the pan. "Karev, right, that's your competition? What's she like?"
Grey looked surprised, maybe thinking that he wouldn't pay his wife's interns any mind. "Um..." she swallowed her mouthful, "Brash?"
All right, that was an unusual adjective, but then again, he'd met Yang last night, so maybe that was what interns were like here in Seattle? He'd seen some brass knuckle interns go on to become trauma surgeons, but never anyone joining the neonatal staff. "Addison's an excellent teacher, but she'll definitely make her students earn their OR time."
He'd always been proud of his wife. She was a good doctor, and surgeon, and even better at teaching her students. Derek had admired her ease and wanted to emulate it, but he had to work harder. It didn't come natural, but he did all right.
"Yeah, I know." Grey grinned. "I'm studying harder now than I ever did in med school, but it's good! I'm learning a ton."
"So how'd you end up living together?" Derek slid the omelet out of the pan and onto a waiting plate. "Not that it's any of my business, but I'm curious." He really hadn't expected his wife to be sharing her space with anyone—if he had, he certainly wouldn't have roamed around the house naked.
"Well, she needed somewhere to live and I couldn't afford living on my own, and it just... made sense," Meredith shrugged just as the telltale sound of Addison's heels could be heard descending the stairs.
Derek wasn't sure what to expect. Addison had still been asleep when he came down to the kitchen. He'd intended to make her breakfast in bed, but Grey had shown up and it would have been rude not to offer her anything. However, that had resulted in his wife making her way downstairs without him having a chance to gauge her feelings.
She paused to take in the scene when she came into the room, looking less than enthusiastic. "I need coffee." It didn't necessarily have negative connotations; Addison was always a bit of a grump if she had to get up early.
"You should eat some," Derek pushed the plate across the counter while giving her his best most charming smile. He couldn't tell how she felt about anything, but then again, he wasn't sure how he felt himself for that matter. The night before had been... surprising to say the least.
"I need some coffee first." His wife avoided eye contact as she moved over to the counter to pour herself a cup. "I didn't know you'd still be here, Derek."
"I was hungry after last night and I figured you would be too." He shrugged, trying to make it seem like it was the most obvious thing in the world that this would be where he was. And why shouldn't it be? They were married, after all.
"Um, maybe I should give the two of you a moment?" Meredith poked the last bite of omelet into her mouth and stood up, plate in hand. "I need to get ready for work anyhow."
"That's not necessary, Meredith, this is your house," Addison glared at him as if this was all his fault and Derek realized that he was beginning to enjoy this game. He could chase. He was good at the chase. The chase was fun.
The other woman just waved the comment off and poured herself a cup of coffee on her way out. "Thanks for the breakfast, Shepherd!"
He tilted his head, gazing at his wife, "How did you sleep?" She looked tired. Pretty, as always, but definitely tired. Granted, it had been a long day yesterday and a very eventful evening, but he was concerned nonetheless.
"Don't start, Derek. I have surgery first thing when I walk into work, I can't do another argument with you right now."
He smiled, "But our last argument was so much fun." Maybe not so much before their clothes came off, but definitely after. Like old times, when they'd have makeup sex while still in the midst of the fighting. Up against the front door, on the stairs, on top of the dresser in the upstairs hallway—they'd already made a dent in christening this house when they crashed through it on their way to her bedroom.
Addison glared at him, which was intimidating and hot all at the same time. "Last night was a mistake, Derek. I was tired and overemotional, and I should have known better."
"You took advantage of me." He did his best to look little and pathetic, ignoring the fact that she was staring daggers at him. "I was vulnerable and good-looking, and you took advantage."
"I did not initiate that!" She caught herself, and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "I had a long day yesterday. I have a surgery first thing this morning. If you do care about me, you'll drop this."
"We are going to have to actually talk sooner or later, Addie. Decide what to do about us." He shrugged, feeling a little hurt. "I thought you enjoyed last night."
It had been a long time since they'd had sex with each other—more months than she'd been away from New York even, but it had been surprisingly easy to keep the memory of Mark doing... things out of his mind. Addison had looked him in the eye, had clung onto him. She hadn't been off inside her head with someone else. It had been Derek's name she'd repeated at increasingly higher pitch.
"That was not a reconciliation, Derek. We were emotional and it just happened, okay? It doesn't have to mean anything."
"All right, it doesn't have to mean that we're getting back together," he agreed, figuring that if he gave in on something, then she might be more agreeable to having a conversation about their relationship. "But even if last night doesn't mean anything, eleven years of marriage do."
Addison sighed, looking even more tired as she took another swig of her coffee. "I know we have to talk. I do get that, Derek. Just... do we have to talk right now?"
···
Preston Burke was standing in the lobby, when they arrived. "Good morning, Addison," he smiled warmly and she smiled in return, wondering how ungodly early he'd gotten there to already be in scrubs. "I had to bump your 11 o'clock."
"Excuse me?" She was confused about what exactly was happening here. Why would the Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery reschedule neonatal surgeries? Preston had nothing to do with her department.
"I'm Interim Chief until Webber is back on his feet and because we have a transplant team coming in, we have to move things around." He attempted to show Addison the schedule.
"Interim... Chief?" Something had happened to Richard, and nobody had bothered to tell her. As head of her department, she should have been informed as a matter of professional courtesy, but more than that, the man was her mentor and her friend.
Preston tilted his head, glancing over at Derek, "I would have expected your husband to brief you on the situation."
Yeah, well... he was her estranged husband for good reason, it seemed. "What is wrong with Richard?" Never mind any of the other stuff, right now. There would be time for the other stuff later. Addison could feel Derek shift next to her, but she refused to look at him, focusing only on Preston.
"He had an occipital lobe tumor. It's out now," Derek replied, shrugging nonchalantly like this whole thing was no big deal and she was being the unreasonable one for being upset at not being told. "I'm told his optic nerve is intact."
She whirled around, "You're told?! You don't even work here!" He'd operated on their mentor, in secret, and had told her nothing about it. Was that why he'd come out here, to perform clandestine surgery under the guise of working out their marital differences? What exactly had last night been to him?
Sleeping with Derek had been stupid, plain and simple. Addison didn't need this confirmation to know that. She'd had a fantastic night up until his appearance on her front porch—Alex Karev and their non-date leaving her with full-body tingles... which turned into her having sex with the bastard who'd been ignoring her for years.
"It just happened, right after I got here." Derek looked awkward, like he could tell that she was angry with him, yet again. "Richard told me he thought he might have a tumor and asked me for help. He didn't want anyone to know."
Addison rolled her eyes at that statement, trying not to let on how hurt she was actually feeling. "Anyone? I'm your wife, Derek, and I've known Richard for just as long as you have. Although honestly, I don't know why I expected anything else from you." She was stupid and weak and stupid, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Derek had actually come out here because he wanted to... because he wanted her.
Preston cleared his throat. "Not to interrupt what I'm sure is an important conversation in between the two of you, but we still need to talk about the OR schedule for today."
"I'm sorry, Preston." Addison pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. "You moved my 11 am. If my 7 am surgery is still on the schedule, I need to prepare for that."
"That is still on the board, but I was hoping that maybe we could entice your husband with a standstill surgery. It seems Joe from across the street has an aneurysm that needs to be clipped." Addison could see that Derek was positively salivating at the prospect of this opportunity. "None of our neurosurgeons are equipped to take this on."
This was what Derek did. He'd find something shiny and run off, leaving her standing around to wait for him to come back. Not this time. This time, Addison was walking away. She had a surgery and she needed time to think about what the hell she'd done to her fresh start. "I will leave you gentlemen to it," she said as graciously as she could muster while making her way to the elevator.
Of course it wasn't that easy, though, because no sooner did she get to the elevator doors than she realized that her estranged husband was hot on her heels. "Addie, wait!"
"Derek, what is it?" she snapped, feeling a stinging rush of tears in her eyes. She needed to shake him loose and get somewhere private before she lost control completely and started yelling at him. "You have a once-in-a-lifetime surgery to prep for, you don't have time to waste on me."
"I have to check on Richard and I figured we could go together?" He smiled and leaned casually against the wall as they waited on the elevator. "If you don't have a midday surgery, I could wait for you and we could have lunch."
Addison frowned, "You're going to let Joe die while we're having sushi?" What was he doing? She nodded in greeting to some of the other people who were gathering to take the elevator. A standstill wasn't something that would fall into your lap on a regular basis.
"Well, we don't have to eat sushi," Derek shrugged. "The airline magazine had this blurb about some place on the waterfront that serves good surf & turf. We could go there." With his hand on the small of her back, he guided her into the elevator when the doors opened and Addison wasn't sure if it was simply muscle memory on his part, but she was hyperaware of his touch. "Let somebody else worry about Joe."
"Are you proving a point, Derek? There is no one else!" She hissed at him, trying to be discreet in an elevator car filled with people. "Apart from Preston, everybody here is a joke." She scanned the crowd for eavesdroppers and tried to smile at anybody making eye contact. "You've seen Helen do a standstill. You know what you're doing."
She felt his arm snake around her waist as Derek's grip on her tightened, his hand landing on her hip. He smiled sweetly at her, "If I save Joe, for you, will you have dinner with me tonight?"
···
He pushed the door open to the scrub room, "Hey, I caught the–" Addie walked straight into his chest and Alex wrapped his arms around her, glancing into the OR to make sure there was no one in there who might catch an eyeful of them. "What's wrong?"
She wasn't crying or anything, but Alex was sure it was her bastard ex-husband who was at fault. He'd seen the guy hounding her into the lobby of the hospital this morning, and he had no doubt that those times when he'd seen Addie cry in the past two months, Derek Shepherd had been the one to blame.
"You know how when something happens and you panic," she fisted the material at the back of his scrub top and clung onto him. "You freeze and you wanna hide it, and pretend it didn't happen?"
Yep, definitely the bastard ex. "Look, I don't know what's happened between you and... Shepherd," Alex was not going to call the guy Addie's husband because he was definitely not fit for the position. "But I meant what I said, before." With her scrub cap hiding her hair, her eyes appeared impossibly large as she regarded him. "Your life is complicated right now, and I want to be the part of it that's easy."
She kissed him, then and Alex tried to resist the intoxicating wave of desire that washed over him at the feel of her lips. He needed to be clearheaded. "Addie..." he whispered against her mouth, desperate to break contact, to clear the brain fog threatening to envelope him. It was important that he get this conversation right.
"I want this..." her lips were moving against his as she spoke. It was a plea—plaintive and desperate, and Alex needed to move away from her before they were making out in the scrub room. The Chief already hated him, Alex didn't need to give the man an excuse to fire his ass.
He grabbed Addie's wrists and removed her hands that had somehow found their way underneath his garment and were tracing the skin at the small of his back. "You're not ready to commit to this," he gestured in between the two of them and smiled gently at her. "I know Shepherd hurt you," he held both of her hands in his, "and you'll need some time to... move on, emotionally."
"I did something stupid." There was a suspicious sheen to her eyes, but Alex didn't quite understand. He had seen the end of her surgery and it had been flawless. Even Grey had kicked ass, in an intern sort of way. "Derek was just there last night and it just sort of happened and I'm so sorry, Alex."
Wait a minute. He took a step back. Was she saying...? "You went out with me and then you went home to fuck your ex?" He couldn't believe this! Obviously, they'd had no rules, but Alex had been celibate since that night when he met Addie. There had been no one else he'd wanted to have sex with and he'd been waiting for her to be ready, to find her way over to him.
"Derek was there when I got home. I don't know how he got the address, but we fought and I was keyed up and I slept with him." She'd pulled off her scrub cap and was wringing it in her hands. "I'm so sorry."
They had no agreement of exclusivity. Alex had, as usual, jumped to a conclusion, thinking that she was invested in a 'them,' but Addie had promised him no fidelity. He had no claim on her. Derek Shepherd had a claim. Addie already had a husband and Alex was the dirty interloper.
"Alex...?" She looked scared and he held up a finger to stop her from speaking. He needed to think. It was all a jumbled muddle of hurt and anger in his head. "I understand that you probably don't want..." she shrugged, the words just seemed to tumble out, "but I had a great time at dinner and you were wonderful and I really, really wanted to bring you home with me."
He shook his head. This wasn't making anything any better. Only worse. He'd made her horny, so because they were holding off on sex, she fucked another guy. What the hell happened to good old-fashioned masturbation as a cure for sexual frustration?
"Why are you telling me this, Addie?" He didn't understand what was happening, exactly. Was she breaking up with him? Did it even count as breaking up, if you'd only been on one date? "Have you decided to give it another go with Shepherd?" Maybe she was leaving Seattle. "It's not like I would ever know. It would be much easier for you to just never say anything."
"I've done enough lying." She stuffed her scrub cap into a pocket as she looked at him, her eyes sad and pleading. "I'm really so very sorry."
Alex did appreciate the honesty and he knew that he would need Addie to be certain that she wanted to be with him, because he would be the one taking the hit, if she changed her mind. Obviously, all was not well in Addie's marriage or she wouldn't have moved across the country, but they would have bigger issues to deal with than a cranky ex. Alex's career could blow up in his face, so yes, honesty between them was important.
He'd come to Seattle thinking he was this smooth player and there would be lots of women who were impressed with a surgical residency. The first thing he did was to buy a blonde a drink in a bar and she had a sunny smile, which made Alex want to smile too. If he'd been a smart man, he would have known that the ground only shook like that when a train was coming. He'd thought it was a crush when the blonde at the bar had morphed into a formidable surgeon. It would pass, he'd told himself. They always did, except this didn't.
"Okay..." He let out a heavy breath, trying to gather his thoughts. "I'm pretty pissed off about this." He needed to be honest with her too, and he felt betrayed. Alex had put a lot of effort into planning their non-date, so to have Addie go home and jump into the sack with the asswipe she'd been avoiding all day... yeah, that didn't feel good on any level.
But, he was also an adult, or at least trying to be. Shit happened. That was just life and you had to deal with it. He'd known that Addie had a husband, that she was emotionally unavailable, and that it would take time before she was in the same place that he was. Alex had agreed to those terms.
If he was being brutally honest with himself, Alex wasn't willing to let her go.
"I understand that you're angry and you have every right to be. I really am sorry, Alex. I don't want to hurt you." Addie looked miserable. Shepherd showing up suddenly had to have thrown her life into chaos. She was mixed up and entitled to whatever doubts she might be feeling. The jackass had been her family for years and giving up on family, no matter how toxic and destructive, was hard and painful, Alex knew that much.
He reached out to take her hand and tugged Addie a little closer. She looked uncertain, but she came willingly and for a moment they just looked at each other. "You have a choice to make and I'm sure Shepherd has some good points." She looked like she was about to say something, to apologize again maybe, but Alex shook his head. He needed to say this, "But if there's a race..." He brought one of her hands up to his lips and kissed her fingertips. "If there's a ring, then I'll toss my hat in."
···
There was a bouquet of flowers on her desk when Addison got to her office. Half a dozen red roses, arranged with fresh greens—it was modest, tasteful and made her grin like an idiot when she leaned over to smell them. She couldn't remember the last time she got flowers at work. Actually, she couldn't remember the last time she got flowers, period. She held the small card, enjoying the moment, before removing the envelope.
Last night was fun.
It had been, but in between dinner and these flowers, Alex must be broke. Derek's student loan payments had been brutal their intern year and she had offered to pay off the loan, so he wouldn't have that hanging over his head, but her new husband had been so offended. He could manage, like every other person with loan repayments, and he didn't marry her because she had money. It had been their first grown-up fight.
"I see the fool took my advice," Miranda appeared in the doorway. "You look much happier than I've seen you."
"Oh..." What was she talking about? She couldn't possibly know about Alex, wouldn't approve either. "I'm having a surprisingly good day, I guess." Addison laughed a little.
She'd felt queasy in the morning, the nerves only giving way while she was in the OR, but once she'd talked to Alex... things felt much better. How could they not? He might be angry, true, but he was still there, willing to communicate. Derek would finally whip out his divorce documents when the novelty of jerking her around wore off and then he'd go back to the East Coast. She would be left to pick up the pieces of her broken heart, again, and eventually move on. Maybe with Alex.
"It looks good on you. There might be more to Derek Shepherd than I presumed," Miranda nodded. "Speak of the devil..." her head turned as the man in question appeared.
"Dr. Bailey," he greeted the resident before focusing on Addison. "Hi," he smiled in a way that she wished she could say didn't still have the power to make her feel weak. "Adele's here and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to see her and Richard?"
Miranda looked meaningfully at her before vanishing down the corridor and Addison was left wondering what to do about the man in front of her and the conversation they needed to have. Having slept together complicated everything because she was having all these feelings and she didn't know what to do about them. Her body felt loose-limbed and wonderful after having had no sex for two months, but with Derek came heartache and she didn't want to get hurt again.
"Addison?" Startled, she realized she hadn't answered his question.
"Sure, it would be nice to see Adele." She got up from her perch on the desk, as Derek stepped further into the room.
He gestured towards the roses, "Did you like them?" He smiled at her. It was soft and gentle. Oh god. The flowers were from him. Derek bought her flowers? Her heart sped up and she thought she might pass out. Derek bought her flowers.
"Addison?" He sounded alarmed and she realized that he had grabbed a hold of her. "You should have had breakfast. You've been on your feet all morning—you need to eat properly." He guided her towards the sofa, "Come on, let's sit you down for a moment, so I can check you out."
"Derek, I'm fine." She sat down, though, not quite sure of how steady she was in her heels. Addison couldn't remember the last time he'd bought her flowers—was it three years ago? Four? Long enough, in any case, for her to give up hope of it ever happening again.
He sank down next to her, "Mmm... I'll be the judge of that," He removed the stethoscope from around his neck and Addison realized that he intended to actually examine her. "Mind if I unbutton...?" She looked down at her top and then shook her head. His eyes were very blue and her pulse sped up again.
Derek quickly unsnapped two buttons and Addison felt her heart pound in her ears as he placed his hand onto her bare skin. She took a deep breath, trying to get her nerves under control because as exciting as having Derek touch her was, having sex with her estranged husband, again, in her office this time, wasn't going to make her life any less complicated.
"Derek, I'm good. Really." She pulled back slightly and gave him her best reassuring smile. "We don't want to keep Richard and Adele waiting, do we?"
Her husband frowned, his face still full of concern. She couldn't remember the last time Derek had been solicitous about her needs, and it felt wonderful and terrifying at the same time to be the center of his attention once more. "I thought you were about to faint, Addie. Have you eaten anything today?"
She searched her mind for some kind of recollection of food intake in the last few hours, but came up with nothing. "I'll grab something out of the vending machine on the way to see Richard," she got up, a little too fast, and felt the world spin.
"Easy..." Derek wrapped his arm around her waist. "I want you to have a proper meal, not something from a vending machine." He took her wrist to feel her pulse. "Since you signed me up for this surgery, I can't take you somewhere to eat. Do you have a friend who can go with you?"
He was doing it again, fobbing her off on someone else, so Addison shrugged, trying to ignore the familiar stab of hurt in her chest. "Meredith's on my service today."
"Okay, we'll get you some juice and you'll come with me while I examine Richard, so I can keep an eye on you. Let's page Grey on the way down and you two can go eat while I prepare." Derek pushed her hair back from her face and lifted her chin, "We'll have dinner tonight. Somewhere nice. We'll talk, you'll eat my dessert and I'll pretend I didn't order it expressly for that purpose."
Derek was smiling and it sounded like he was teasing her. Then, he kissed her and Addison was... confused. It was not a perfunctory peck on the cheek, nor what she would have deemed a 'pre-divorce kiss.' Soft and intent, he was taking his time and her eyes fluttered closed. She really did love kissing.
···
Meredith entered the greasy spoon and spied Addison already seated in a booth. The other woman had a cup of coffee in front of her, but she had her face in her hands, leaning her elbows on the table. "Wasn't quite sure of your page, but then I figured you too might have discovered their milkshakes," she said as she slid into the booth. "How are you holding up?"
"I have decided to get gloriously fat."
"You could stand to add a couple of pounds," Meredith nodded.
Addison sputtered, "Look who's talking! And why haven't you told me about the milkshakes, if they're so good?"
The waitress approached with menus and Meredith smiled in greeting, "Coffee, please, and a chocolate milkshake, with whipped cream and a cherry for my friend." Their server nodded in acknowledgment and left them to look over the food offerings.
Meredith was thinking sunny side up with bacon and maybe some hash. "Your... guy seems to be making himself useful. He's preparing for the standstill, so I suspect he'll be busy for a while."
"That's a relief," Addison sighed, massaging her temples with her fingertips. "I'm happy he can help Joe, don't get me wrong, but I need to think and it's slightly difficult doing that when Derek's right there."
From the outside, it seemed like they were far from done with each other. Meredith didn't know how dysfunctional their relationship was, though, so it could be that it was all explosive sex and not so much with the honest conversations over candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach. However, Shepherd had seemed like he might be a man on a mission, with the cooking and staring soulfully into his wife's eyes, or trying to at any rate, since Addison had studiously avoided all eye contact.
This morning hadn't been awkward at all. Shepherd had insisted on coming along to work and Meredith was just happy she had managed to escape into her own car and didn't have to be the fifth wheel in the most socially uncomfortable commute ever. "Do you think you might want to try again?" She wouldn't blame Addison for saying no, but at the same time, Meredith imagined having that much history, it might be difficult to let go. "Have you and he talked?" Maybe in the car, on the way to the hospital?
Addison made a face. "Not really. There was yelling yesterday and today... I don't know that I'm ready to face all of that." She sighed heavily. "Right now, my goal is to just get through my shift."
"All right," their server put a mug down for Meredith and a tall glass of milkshake on Addison's side of the table. "What can I get you, ladies?"
"Scrambled eggs, bacon, hash brown, and a waffle." Addison handed her menu to the server. "I'm going to need all the carbs and grease I can get to get through today."
"You need fuel, I get it." Meredith nodded. "I'll have the bacon and eggs."
The server disappeared with the menus and Addison took a long drink from her coffee. "What am I going to do, Meredith? I came out here for a fresh start and now things are even messier than ever."
Meredith wasn't too sure how they could be messier. It just seemed like the pre-existing mess had followed the other woman to Seattle. She assumed that Addison's marriage had just, maybe, imploded and that was why things were so... unresolved. "Is this about Alex?" She hadn't really spoken to her fellow intern about his love life since his park bench confession about their mentor, so she had no idea how Karev had taken the appearance of a wayward husband.
"I think I'm falling love with him," Addison's eyes were large and sad, "and it's new and exciting, and that's wonderful, but I also love Derek." She laughed a little, "He's like that old pair of shoes at the back of the closet. They've molded to every bump and groove of your foot, and while they're not the prettiest thing to look at, they're the most comfortable thing you own."
Meredith tried to put herself into Addison's situation. Granted, she couldn't remember the last time she had anything that might constitute an actual relationship, but Karev was sweet on the inside and while the ex seemed a bit.. questionable, he'd made her a tasty breakfast and they'd had a nice enough conversation. Shepherd was charming, she'd give him that. It was six of one and half a dozen of the other.
"Am I... Do you think, um," Addison looked supremely uncomfortable and fiddled with the straw to her milkshake. "Two guys... That's, uh, that's a lot," she looked up from her drink. "Right?"
Not really. Meredith tilted her head, not quite sure what her friend was looking for. It sounded like she was trying to slut shame herself and Meredith was relatively certain that Addison would never do that to another woman, so she didn't think her housemate should be that harsh on herself. It wasn't like she'd engineered the situation.
"If you're planning on keeping them both, probably, but Addison, you left your husband, came out here and met someone else. That's kind of normal." She might have found someone else really quick, but who knew how bad Addison's marriage had been or for how long, and why should anyone get to judge her for that? "Now, your husband's here too and you still have feelings for him. I think that's normal too. You've been together for so long, it would be weirder if you didn't."
"I, uh, I cheated on him. That's why we're separated."
Okay, so Meredith hadn't expected that. Cheating seemed very un-Addison-y. She was always so willing to tackle problems head-on and infidelity was, at best, a bandaid on a bullet wound. "Did you care for him? The other guy?" Maybe there was an Alex Karev in New York, who'd swept her away and then, the damage to her marriage was done.
Addison's eyes filled with tears, "I, uh, I liked him, but not enough to trash my life over him." She shrugged, "He's attractive and he payed attention to me, and I was lonely, but he's not the kind of man I want to barbecue with on weekends."
Clearly, Derek Shepherd was the kind of guy who she'd want tending to her spareribs and burgers, and Karev might be too. He was steadfast and loyal, but Meredith wasn't sure he was ready for the kind of commitment that Addison was looking for. She was going to want those barbecues and maybe even Little League, and Alex Karev was just as scared as Meredith was to put himself out there for potential hurt and failure. They were birds of a feather and the thought of kids might make his head explode.
Over a decade's worth of marriage was a lot to wager against a 'maybe.' "Is it different, with Alex, than... in New York?" Meredith wasn't quite sure what she was trying to ask, but it was plain enough to see from the slow smile spreading across the other woman's face that yes, this was different.
"I'm not an idiot," Addison twirled the stem of the cherry in between her fingers, "I know he's in a different phase of life than I am. He's younger than me and at the start of his career, so even apart from the hospital's policy on staff relationships, he's not going to want family barbecues, but he makes me feel like I'm real." She shrugged. "I was invisible to Derek for so long, it's seductive to matter to someone, and Alex is smart and funny and caring."
···
Callie flopped down in the seat next to him, "Pudding for lunch?" She nodded to the cup of chocolate pudding Alex had put on the ledge of the observation window in the gallery.
"This isn't lunch. It's Joe's standstill surgery, but I can offer you some trail mix," he fished out a pack from his coat pocket and they both looked down at the floor as a condom fell out.
"Man, you really came prepared for anything," Callie smirked. Alex shrugged in response, not knowing why he was supposed to feel ashamed. A guy who carried condoms with him clearly had a decent sex life, even if the truth was that he hadn't been with anyone since his night with Addie eight weeks ago. But, he had a reputation to uphold and as long as people thought he had lots of casual sex, no one was going to suspect him of pursuing an attending.
Alex picked up the wrapper and held it out to Torres, "Just say no to Chlamydia." She took it off his hands just as he spied Meredith Grey in the group of people who entered the quickly filling room. She was alone. Well, there was no other blonde with her, but Grey was assigned to Neonatal today.
"Sure, who doesn't enjoy glow-in-the-dark condoms?" Callie raised an eyebrow, looking at him like she might be finding him moderately questionable, "One to light the way. I think I'm judging you a little bit right now." Alex rolled his eyes. He had no problem finding the way, thank you very much. He knew where he was going.
"Hey guys, scoot over," Grey made a little shooing gesture and crammed her butt down in the fraction of a seat they dutifully vacated. "Everybody's here," she said looking around and giving a little wave to George O'Malley who was scribbling down notes in the other corner of the room. "Getting a little light saber action?" she asked Torres as she turned back around.
Alex interrupted, not really interested in a longer conversation about fluorescent prophylactics, "Aren't you on Montgomery's service today?" If Grey was free, then Addie probably was too and he might get to see her again today. Considering her douchebag ex was down on the OR floor, wearing a ferryboat scrub cap of all dumb things, she wasn't likely to be holed up with him anywhere.
Grey nodded, "Yeah, but our second surgery got moved 'cause of Joe's aneurysm."
"Is, uh, is she coming... Do you know?" Alex felt awkward as both women turned to actually look at him, pretty much with identical expressions on their faces. He was probably calling attention to himself, asking directly about Addie like this, but then again, it wasn't like Grey and Torres didn't already know that he had a thing for her and Alex felt relatively confident in their discretion.
"I assume so, if she's not in the OR herself." Torres shrugged as she tucked away the condom in her pocket. "It's not every day that you see a standstill."
"She said she was coming, when I saw her earlier." Grey gave him a look that said he was obvious, and a bit pathetic, but that she found it endearing. "We'll save her a seat, okay?"
Alex nodded as he slowly let out his breath. Down in the OR, Addie's tool of an ex was saying something to Burke, who looked like he would rather be elsewhere. "You think Shepherd can save Joe?"
"He will save Joe." They all turned their heads toward Montgomery's voice. She'd come in through the door behind them, so none of them had seen her. "He's a good surgeon." She moved over to the glass, looking down into the OR, a wistful expression on her face.
Alex felt the stirrings of something old and ugly inside when the neurosurgeon suddenly turned his head to look directly at them. No, not them. Her. He tilted his head and smiled at Addie, who met his gaze, but her face remained serious. Sad. Alex wished he knew what was going on, wished it didn't make him feel jealous.
"You want to sit?" Grey spoke up, seeming to sense that things weren't quite right. "We saved you like a quarter of a seat," she smiled, "It's packed in here."
"Thanks, Grey." Addie squeezed in between Karev and the other intern, giving him a quick smile that made his heart flip over in his chest. Maybe there was no reason to be jealous? "This is quite the turnout."
"Joe's a popular guy," Torres commented, peering down the glass at the scene below. "He was one of my few friends my first year in Seattle. Don't know that I would have made it through that winter without him."
"Yeah, he listened to all my woes when I was suspended," Grey added, playing with the ends of her ponytail. "I can't think of him not being there anymore."
"He's a good guy," Addie agreed. Her eyes met his and Alex wondered if she was thinking about the same night he was, when he'd gone to Joe's bar for a drink and ended up going home with a beautiful tall blonde.
She smiled. It was soft and shy, and Alex started questioning his own sanity. How was he supposed to just sit back and wait, while Shepherd were performing a standstill surgery as his grand romantic gesture? Alex couldn't compete with that—he was a dumb intern.
"I, uh, brought you some pudding," he mumbled, picking up the cup and offering it to her. This was ridiculous, really, girls like Addie deserved diamonds and caviar, not just cups of chocolate pudding bought at the grocery store in six-packs. "If you want it, that is."
Addie smiled broadly, her entire face lighting up as she took the offering. Alex could see Grey and Torres exchange knowing looks, but he was too happy at Addie's happiness to care right now. "You brought this for me? Thank you!" That was one of the things he loved about Addie, how little it took to make her happy.
Alex looked down at the neurosurgeon in the OR, wondering how lazy or complacent the guy had to be not to bother even with the smallest gesture to please his wife. He'd have to be a special kind of dumbass not to understand that the romance couldn't end with his proposal. Some other guy would only be too eager to step into the void because Addison Montgomery was gorgeous and kind and yes, maybe smarter than most men were comfortable with, but that was totally their loss.
"Hey, Mr. Pudding, how is she supposed to eat that without a spoon?" Torres snickered, interrupting his waxing lyrical.
Alex smirked as he dug out an individually wrapped dessert spoon from his breast pocket, which he waved in front of Callie's face, "Like you said, I come prepared," before Addie snatched it from his hand. He was about to protest when he discovered that, due to them all being squished together, he had a pretty tantalizing view down her shirt. She had a few freckles on her upper chest, and then he noticed her watching him.
Feeling a bit sheepish at ogling her in public, Alex gave her a one shoulder shrug. "You, uh, comfortable there?"
Addie gave him one of those slow, beautiful smiles of hers that never failed to make him feel pink and fluffy inside. "I'm great. I have a snack." She ripped off the plastic wrapper and took a spoonful of pudding, the action being, like everything else Addie did, very sexy.
Torres elbowed Alex as she gave him a knowing smirk. "Hey, you're missing the surgery." He glared back at her, but Callie didn't seem to care. "I don't know about you, but I've never seen a standstill. Has your guy ever done one before, Montgomery?" What the hell, Callie Torres? She was supposed to be his wingman. Woman. Wingperson? She wasn't supposed to cockblock him by talking up the competition.
Addie straightened up and adjusted her clothing, making a point to look closely down at what was happening in the OR below. "He assisted his boss with one, in New York. She's very good—Derek learned from the best."
Alex shifted uneasily. He didn't like the way she talked about the asshole, like he was someone special, someone she had slept with in the past 24 hours. Might conceivably even sleep with again, tonight. Not that Alex wanted Joe to die or anything bad to happen to him, but if Shepherd didn't come out looking like a total dragon slaying badass, that would be welcome.
···
Derek leaned against the counter, "Who was that, sitting with you?" He'd come out of the surgery on a high, but his wife had been nowhere to be seen and she usually congratulated him on big wins like this. Instead, he had to go searching for her.
"Hmmm...?" Addison was scribbling away on a chart, not paying too much attention, not even looking up to acknowledge that he was there.
"During my surgery, who were you sitting with?" The place had been full, but every time he glanced up at her, Addison had been talking to Grey or the jock sitting on the other side of her. They'd all looked mighty cozy up there, basically sitting on top of one another. She'd looked relaxed and happy, laughing at something the lumberjack looking guy said.
Addison frowned as she took off her reading glasses, "They're interns, residents." She clicked the ballpoint off, "Congratulations on the surgery, Derek," and put the chart away. "You did a good job."
Normally, his wife would have kissed him, either a quick peck on the lips or a gentle, lingering one on his cheek, and told him she was proud of him. That was definitely not happening now, and Derek found that he missed it. The blonde in front of him was different from the redhead who'd been his best friend and the love of his life.
"I was hoping we could celebrate, tonight, at dinner? I made a reservation for a place Adele recommended," Derek knew he needed all the help he could get and Adele had offered plenty of pointers. Listen, Derek. You can't fix anything until you actually hear what the problem is. If you talk more than 25 percent of the time, you're not listening. Give her a chance to talk.
Addison looked uneasy, like she wanted to say no without having to actually say no. "I don't know that I can make dinner tonight, Derek. My patient from this morning is still touch and go, and there's a very real chance I might get pulled into the OR again."
"If that happens, of course you'd have to tend to your patient," Derek nodded, figuring that being agreeable and not making a big deal out of dinner might make his wife somewhat less skittish. "I was just hoping that we could spend some time together tonight, Addie."
He wanted to be alone with her, away from the hospital and all the people who belonged in her new life, none of whom Derek knew. They needed to talk and plan what was going to happen once they got back to New York. He wanted to sell the brownstone, move somewhere new where the memories wouldn't be looming over him. Over them, really.
"Look, I'll try," Addison sighed, looking tired, which was fair enough. It had gotten very late the night before and she'd had a really early start to her day. "I'll definitely try, okay?" She smiled slightly and Derek pushed a stray lock of her hair behind her ear.
"How are you feeling? I saw you ate something when you were up in the gallery. Pudding, maybe?" Sometimes, when she got busy, Addison forgot to eat, but her stumbling earlier had worried him. She didn't have quite enough meat on her bones. "That wasn't all you had, right?" She might like the pudding, but it wasn't very nutritious.
"I had, uh, brunch, I guess, earlier. I'm okay, Derek. Just..." she shrugged, "busy. You know how it is. It's been a long day."
Addison looked like she wasn't quite sure of him. Distrustful, really, and Derek knew that was on him for throwing her out of their home. He needed to fix that. Now, that they were working on their dilapidated marriage. He was a good guy. He could make this right. "When we get back to New York, I'll take you out to dinner." Derek took her hand. "A proper celebration."
And now, Addison looked like she had no idea what he was talking about. "When we," she withdrew her hand, "get back...?"
"Yeah, I booked us tickets in two weeks. It'll be too late to do Labor Day with the rest of the family, but it should be enough time to wrap up this sideshow."
She shook her head, "I'm not going to New York." She looked at him like Derek was the one who'd lost hold of his common sense. "This sideshow is where I work. I live in Seattle now."
"What?" He didn't get it. Was it a joke? Surely, she was trying to punish him for being a dud husband. It was a test, that she wanted him to pass. There was no way Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd had actually moved to Seattle and intended to stay here indefinitely. "Okay..."
"Look, Derek, you can catch the first flight out of here to New York if you like, but I have signed a contract, so even if I wanted to leave, I can't just break that agreement. I'd have to pay out, not to mention what that would do to my reputation." She shook her head in what looked like exasperation. "I have a job, friends and a life in Seattle, and you expect me to give up everything, my career... a chance at happiness, when you snap your fingers?"
Her eyes, though still angry, took on a sheen of tears, "What do I have to go back to, Derek? More of the same loneliness as you chase your next fix in the OR?" She shook her head, "No, thank you. Give me those divorce papers and I'll sign them. I'll release you," with that, Addison turned and walked down the hallway, towards the NICU.
So... he had no idea what the hell happened here. He was trying to be loving, to be a better husband and in return, Addison was just difficult.
"Just when I was beginning to think you might get it right." Derek turned around to find Bailey watching him, judgment in her eyes. "How am I supposed to root for you, Shepherd, when you pull stuff like that?"
With a no-nonsense resident, nicknamed 'the Nazi,' as the captain of his cheer squad, how could his attempts at romantic gestures possibly go wrong? Derek sighed. He might have to call Nancy, but she was still angry about him leaving the trailer in front of her house.
···
"I just don't want anyone to know." Yang stared at her.
Addison nodded, "I'm your doctor." Apart from patient confidentiality rules, she knew the feeling, even if they weren't in the same situation. There were plenty of things in her life she wanted no one to know about. Missteps, poor judgment... adulterous proclivities...
Cristina Yang had approached her like they were about to do a dirty deal in a back alley. She'd told Addison that she was pregnant and that she wanted a termination, but the clinic only wanted to discuss other options, for her to do counseling, and have a lot of people involved in this deeply personal decision. They kept postponing her appointment. She needed help.
Addison didn't have a problem providing her with service. Yang would have been taught how to do a D&C in med school, so she knew what the procedure entailed and she was a surgical intern. Her life didn't have room for an unplanned baby, so Cristina was actually being responsible. Addison, though, did want to do her own examination first to confirm the pregnancy and its progression, which was why the intern was sitting on an exam table about to have an ultrasound.
"I'm just going to do the ultrasound really quick, okay?" She wheeled over the machine as Yang leaned back in preparation. It had been somewhat of a surprise to be approached, since she and the intern had only had interactions in a professional capacity before, but Addison knew that it must have taken a lot for the other woman to ask her for help. Cristina Yang didn't seem like the type who liked to be beholden to anybody and she didn't really do personal either.
"I should have asked you weeks ago," Yang mumbled, flinching slightly as Addison squirted the jelly onto her abdomen. "I told them at the clinic that I knew what I wanted, but they kept insisting that I needed to be sure."
"Some places are like that," Addison agreed. There were plenty of them, sadly, even though women supposedly had the right to choose, it wasn't always respected and there were often unnecessary hurdles put in the way. "I wish you'd had a better experience." It wasn't like anyone went to have an abortion for the fun of it. Most of the time, it was a painful decision, no matter what point you considered to be the beginning of life.
Addison's phone buzzed as another call came in. It was probably Derek, he'd been calling for the last hour or so, but she didn't have time for whatever his current issue was. She'd told him that she probably wouldn't make dinner and that she definitely wouldn't make that flight to New York, so it wasn't like she hadn't been clear on her intentions.
"Do you need to get that? We don't want anyone come looking for you in here."
"It's just..." Addison squinted at the screen, moving the transducer from the lower left quadrant to the right. "My... um, it's Derek. He's not going to just show up." Showing up unexpectedly wasn't something Derek did, at least not in recent years, but Yang had done the right thing, coming to her. "Cristina, it's an extrauterine pregnancy." Addison swung the screen around for Yang to see. "See that?" she gestured, "We need to take care of it."
"Methotrexate?"
"Yes, there's no damage to the fallopian yet, so that's good. I'll give you the injection, but you need to see me again, so we can make sure that the cells are being absorbed."
"Damn." Yang looked uncharacteristically unsettled. Addison couldn't blame her, really, it was a lot to process. "If I'd waited for the clinic, then this would have gotten a lot worse. All that wanting me to weigh my options... that could have been fatal."
"It might have been." The negligence by so-called medical professionals was astounding and while it wasn't something Addison hadn't seen before, it never failed to make her angry. "In any case, we caught it in time and we'll stay on top of this. You're going to be fine, Yang."
She switched off the ultrasound machine and handed the intern some paper towels as her phone buzzed again. Derek was probably wondering where she was, but it wasn't like she'd planned this and it was certainly a good thing that Yang had come to her for help. Surf and turf, no matter how masterfully done it might be, was no substitute for a young woman's life.
···
Meredith stumbled down the stairs to get to the door and stop that infernal racket that Addison's guy was making, banging on the door like his life depended on it. "It's late," she squinted at Shepherd. Meredith had been ever so hopeful that maybe he wouldn't be staying with them, but he was Addison's less gracious half, so apparently, here he was, again. "We're gonna have to get you a key."
Shepherd stalked inside, "Is she here?" He looked into the living room and then, started up the stairs. "She didn't show up for dinner."
Meredith frowned. "She hasn't come home yet." He was very... intense? Intent, at any rate. She wasn't sure how Addison had had the energy for all of that at the end of her day.
Shepherd turned around, some kind of accusation in his eyes. "Her car is outside."
Yeah, well, "You insisted she ride with you this morning, remember?" He was being a bit of a buttmunch, to be honest. If Addison stood him up for dinner, that wasn't Meredith's fault. It wasn't like she was somebody's dirty mistress, keeping spouses apart.
He seemed to deflate and sat down on the stairs, placing the bag of what Meredith assumed was takeout next to him. "She's not answering her phone."
Meredith couldn't exactly fault Addison for that. Her ex was a lot, it seemed. Like, all-consuming and it was claustrophobic. Where did you hide from that singular focus when you needed a moment to just breathe? No wonder Addison felt like she had to move across the continent. Shepherd had to give her a chance to think, to find her footing, or he risked running her further away.
"You know, she might be in the OR. Seattle Grace has a level 4 NICU, so pretty much anything could be going on." Meredith sat down at the foot of the stairs. "The department was in bad shape when Addison got here. We wouldn't even have a level 3 classification without her. She's recruited the best of everything—midwives, nurse practitioners, neonatal cardiologists... They've come from all across the country, to work for her." Meredith smiled, "She's got a lot of people vying for her attention."
Shepherd pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not one of 'a lot of people,' though." He sighed and Meredith felt a bit sorry for him. "I know my wife's brilliant and she's always had many irons in the fire, but she made time for family, for me."
Meredith nodded. She'd noticed. Addison was busy, but when Meredith was falling apart over her suspension and her mother's legal business, the other woman had found the time to be there for her. "Did you, um, make time for her too?" This was awkward since Meredith didn't really know him, but Addison had been so sad earlier in the day when she talked about her marriage, that it was worth a shot.
"Somehow I always thought that I had to catch up to her, that if I could just perform more surgeries, do better, then I'd be somebody who was worthy of her." Shepherd looked sheepish, "I know it's stupid." He shook his head, "Before long, I was addicted to that fix, the rush of adrenaline you get in the OR, and after that... I was a lousy husband."
He looked down at his wedding band. "I abandoned her in our marriage. Addison might have left me, but I abandoned her first."
It was interesting that he made no mention of the infidelity. Granted, he didn't know Meredith and had no way of knowing if Addison had told her or not, but it was an encouraging sign. Good husbands didn't publicly shame their wives for any indiscretions.
"You're here now though. You want to change things, right?"
Shepherd nodded, "Yeah..." He sighed. "Just wondering if I'm not too late. She doesn't want to talk to me."
"Your coming here surprised her, I think," Meredith shrugged. "I know I don't know her like you do, but maybe you just have to be patient. Be there, you know? Not demand things, or answers, from her."
Meredith didn't know much about functional relationships, but she knew a panic-stricken woman when she saw one and Addison was definitely in fight-or-flight mode. Shepherd needed to back off before his wife boarded a ship bound for Alaska. Right now, all he was doing was driving her into the arms of another guy.
"She doesn't want to come back home."
To New York? Yeah, Meredith wasn't surprised. Addison wanted change in her marriage and even if Shepherd was well-intentioned, that wasn't going to happen in their established environment. The lure of same-same would be too strong and they'd fall into old patterns. If Shepherd really wanted his wife back, he was going to have to compromise.
"Sounds like she already told you what she needs from you," Meredith propped her chin in her hand, studying him. "Question is, do you want to give it to her?"
···
Alex closed the door behind him and took in the scene before him. Addie seemed to have passed out before she'd managed to get fully into the bunk, one leg dangling off the side of the bed. She was still wearing a sneaker on that foot. He smiled and shook his head as he approached. She'd sent him a text half an hour ago, wanting to talk, but Alex had been caught up in a laundry list of chores he had to complete and by the time he made it to the on-call room, she'd obviously fallen asleep.
He gently lifted her leg to slip off her shoe and Addie stirred. "Sorry," he whispered as she looked at him with bleary eyes. "You should go back to sleep. It's late... I was alone on the floor and there was just a lot to do." Alex was completely wiped himself. It had been a long shift and he was still on-call so he couldn't even go home. "Mind if I crash in the top bunk?"
Addie shook her head, but then she moved over. "Stay here?" He eyed the full-sized mattress—for one person, that was more than adequate for a nap, but for two? It would be a tight fit. "Alex?"
He sighed and nodded, "Okay." It was going to be fine. He was tired and she was tired, and they were going to sleep in a tiny bed. "I'll lock the door." The last thing they needed was someone walking in on a perfectly innocent nap and making a mountain of a molehill.
When he turned back towards her, Addie had unfolded a blanket, taken off her pants and folded them neatly on a chair. Her legs were very shapely. Long. Long and shapely, and he could remember them wrapping around–
"Alex? Are you coming?" He really wanted to, but she was in her underwear and the bed was freakin' minuscule.
The dim light cast shadows across her face as Addie lifted the blanket for him to get in next to her. Oh, fuck it! He chucked his scrubs off, across the chair and joined her. It was... tight quarters. Her eyes were pretty much all he could see of her face, but Alex could certainly feel most of her. Her torso was flush against his, and he could feel a specific part of his own anatomy registering its interest in potentially getting a whole lot closer.
"Hi," Addie said and giggled a little. Hi, indeed.
She was going to drive him crazy, Alex could see that plain as day. The problem was that he liked the idea of it. Her driving him crazy every day, for the rest of his life. He wasn't sure how she'd ended up being his vision for the future, but he was pretty certain there would be nothing more interesting out there for him and as terrifying as growing up was, Alex was more afraid that Addie would decide that Shepherd was the better man.
He brushed his lips against hers and she relaxed against him, into his arms, the kiss deepening in ways he hadn't quite intended. Addie was a good kisser, probably because she was such a tactile person, and Alex reluctantly tried to pull back before this all turned into something it shouldn't.
"Sleep," he tried to sound stern, but her smile made that hard. She knew exactly what she was doing to him. There were very few secrets when you were pressed up against each other, half-naked in the dark.
"This bed is too small," Addie complained. "I can't move without rubbing up against you." Well, whose fault was that? It was all her idea to get into this tiny bunk together. Alex needed to stop her squirming, though, so they could both settle down. They needed sleep.
"If you sit up a little, let me get my arm down..." Alex tried to get situated on his back, before wrapping his arm around her back and cradling Addie into his side. "More comfortable?"
She nodded into the crook of his neck and moved one of her legs on top of his. Her body relaxed. "Sleep," she mumbled and Alex could feel himself drifting off in the warmth of their little cocoon. Things were good. So good.
···
When he woke up, Alex had a painful erection. At some point, they'd miraculously managed to turn around and he was spooning Addie, his nose nestled into the nape of her neck. She smelled really good. Like berries and flowers, and everything girly and expensive. Fuck if he knew what, but it was pleasant. Unlike his hard-on.
"Seems like you had a good dream," her voice was an amused whisper, still drunk with sleep. "What time is it?"
"No idea. Still night." He withdrew his arm from around her and tried to scoot away, without falling off the bed, or hitting his head on the bunk above. There just needed to be a little room, and a little less friction, in between pertinent parts.
Addie rolled over and smiled at him, "Did you get paged?" She looked rumpled and delicious. He shook his head. "Then where are you going?" She sounded so confused that Alex nearly laughed out loud.
"This bed is really tiny." He wasn't a dainty guy and while she kind of was dainty, Addie was also long-limbed, so this bed with its less than lumbar friendly mattress wasn't a good choice for a restful sleep.
"The cuddling is nice, though, right?" Her expression was so earnest that he very nearly believed that she was sincere. The cuddling was... painful, frustrating... enticing and very exciting. It was not nice.
"Addie..." Alex groaned and flopped onto his back, rubbing his hand across his face.
Then, he felt her lips on his jawline and he opened an eye to look at her. Addie was smiling at him and he couldn't resist kissing her. Her skin was silky under his fingers and Alex was vaguely aware that she'd moved her leg up, over his body. He hissed when she made contact with his arousal and tried to think about Webber yelling at him, giant tumors... O'Malley's hairy scrotum. Anything to lessen the need to take this contact further.
"It seems you have a present for me." She looked coy and beautiful, and Alex could feel his resolve faltering.
He wanted to peel off the scraps of fabric still covering her body, wanted to touch her, and feel her warm and wet and tight all around him, but he was trying to be responsible, to do all of this the right way. "The hospital regs are pretty clear on personal relationships between interns and attendings."
"You want to wait..." Addie moved before he could stop her or maybe he didn't want to, Alex wasn't sure. She was straddling him and it was hard to think about anything but pleasure, "until you're not an intern anymore?" She laughed, low, throaty and swiveled her hips to make her point.
Oh fuck, she was evil. He desperately grabbed at her, his fingers digging into her hips to keep her still. No, he didn't want to wait, not for a second but, "Do we tell the Chief?"
Addie's face hovered above his, "Talking about my boss isn't very sexy."
He grabbed a fistful of hair at the nape of her neck and gently tugged her head back. "I don't know what you're talking about." Alex ran his tongue up the arch of her throat, "My boss is very sexy." When he released her, Addie leaned in over him, a hand on each side of his head, regarding him much like a leopard its prey.
Her pupils were dilated and he stared back at her. She was magnificent and the proof of how desirable he found her was painfully trapped in between their bodies. When she kissed him, her hair fell like a curtain around their faces, making Alex feel like his whole world was filled with her.
Her lips, tongue, teeth... Addie bit his lower lip and he chased after her mouth, rocking his hips up against her. He could feel the heat through her underwear and her sharp intake of air as he got the angle just right. Alex smirked, pleased with himself and Addie laughed, adjusting the point of impact slightly. He moaned, surprising himself. From the look on her face, much to her delight.
They'd done this—been naked in bed, together—before. Once, about sixty days ago, but it had been drunken and desperate, and he hadn't been in love with Addie then. Not like this moment was planned either and it might not be drunken, even if Alex was pretty sleep deprived, but it was desperate in a different way. Being with her meant something now and he wanted more than the instant gratification of sleeping with her.
He wanted to make Addie happy, but before Alex was done being sappy inside his own head, she had quickly and efficiently pulled him out through the fly of his underwear and he was back to thinking about lancing pus filled boils and giving prostate exams.
She frowned, "Condom?"
Shit. Alex normally always carried condoms, but he hadn't had any use of them himself, so he was handing them out to whomever might need one and the last had gone to Torres. "I have to get some from the supply room."
"Some?" Addie raised an eyebrow and laughed softly. "You might be overestimating how lucky you're getting tonight." She looked down at his erection, "It might be better if I go."
···
"You're here again, at night." Miranda Bailey walked up to stand next to him as he studied the OR board. "Are you homeless, Shepherd?"
"My wife is not in surgery." He sighed and turned to the resident, "In New York, she left our house one night and never came back." Derek wasn't sure what to do next, but he needed to know if Addison was still in the hospital, or if he should call the police because some lunatic had carried her off to his shack in the woods. "Have you seen her?"
Bailey looked unimpressed, "I'm telling you this in the most respectful and kind way I know how, but surely, you must be aware that I'm not your Magical Negro? I don't exist to help you battle your personal demons and win the girl. I'm trying to be a surgeon here. Save lives and teach dumb interns how to not kill their patients."
"All right..." He didn't really know what to say to that and now he felt bad. "You are not Mr. Miyagi." Derek didn't mean to make Bailey feel like he didn't understand that she had her own worries, but he really needed to find Addison.
"Good," Bailey nodded briskly. "Man who catch fly with chopstick, accomplish anything." She wandered off, down the hallway, leaving Derek to ponder how he could kill a man and bring him back to life in the OR, but he couldn't manage to find his own wife.
Maybe NICU next?
The surgical floor was calm at this time of night, but ascending the stairs and passing by Maternity, there was a pregnant woman pacing the floor and he could hear someone else in active labor as he nodded a greeting to staff members when he passed them by. The maternity unit was a lot like New York City—there was a pulse to it that never stopped, even as other parts of the hospital settled in for night, Maternity never slept.
Derek turned a corner and walked down a hallway when a door opened, and there she was. Addison. She looked like she might have taken a nap, a little tousled, but lovely all the same. He could feel a smile spreading across his own face and he hastened to get over to her before she vanished down some corridor.
"Addie!"
She looked startled at his appearance, "Derek, what are you doing here?"
"I came to offer you a ride home," he straightened out a wayward tuft on her head and watched as she self-consciously combed her fingers through her hair. It didn't really make things look any better and he smiled. It was endearing.
Addison opened her mouth, presumably to answer whether she was done for the day, but a resident came flying down the corridor like a halfback, barreling towards them and for a second Derek thought that the other man would make impact and so he instinctively moved to shield Addison.
"NICU 911," the resident called out as he passed them and vanished around the corner. It was the guy from the observation gallery, the one who'd been sitting next to Addison.
"Do you need to...?" Derek pointed in the direction the other guy had taken.
"He'll page me if I'm needed, but I might walk, at a leisurely pace, over there to see what's going on," she smiled and shrugged.
"Mind if I come with you?" Addison looked astonished at the offer, but shook her head. "Who was that?"
"Karev? He's my intern." That was Karev? Derek now understood why Grey had labeled the other intern as 'brash.' He looked like a testosterone laced knucklehead.
"He's different from your usual type," Derek commented, noticing an uneasy expression flicker across his wife's face. Why she felt nervous, he had no idea, apart from the uncomfortable option that she was afraid of him, after everything that had happened in New York. "I've been told he's good, though, and you wouldn't be considering him if he didn't have potential."
Addison raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you saying, Derek? Because it's been a long day and I don't know that I have the energy to decipher cryptic comments."
"Just that your students are usually... different," he pointed out, honestly confused about what was going on here. Addison was an excellent teacher and interns in New York vying to win a place on her service had become somewhat of a tradition. "You usually like the overachieving types, the very driven ones who also have a soft side."
"You don't think Alex is capable of being gentle?" She put her hand on her hip, staring him down. "How do you know that he's not an overachiever? Honestly, Derek... those are some ugly generalizations there."
She was clearly getting defensive, but it wasn't like she didn't have a point. No, people who looked like Karev generally didn't pick Neonatal, but stereotyping was bad and Derek shouldn't draw any kind of conclusion based on anybody's appearance. Plus, he didn't want Addison to be up in arms about something that didn't matter before he'd even had a chance to make his case here. A case that had nothing to do with interns.
"I'm sorry, honey." Derek pressed his lips against her temple. "That sounded judgmental on my part." It had been a really long day and he'd hoped to spend more of it with Addison. As much as he enjoyed being back in the OR again, that wasn't why he'd come to Seattle.
"Okay." Addison sounded surprised, but she didn't pull away from him. He took the opportunity to put an arm around her and felt inordinately pleased when she leaned into him, just a little. She might be skittish, understandably so, but this wasn't over by a long shot.
"Hey, can I tell you something?" Derek stopped in his tracks, looking into his wife's very expressive eyes. That was something he'd always loved about her, and yet he couldn't remember the last time when he'd simply looked at her like this. "When I spoke to Richard earlier today, he offered me a job."
"A job?" Addison blinked, looking like she wasn't sure what to make of this piece of information. "So you're staying in Seattle then?"
"It means I could," he tilted his head, trying to judge how she felt about that. He didn't quite know what he'd do if she told him she wanted him to go back to New York, but the fact that she hadn't done so already had to be a good sign, right?
···
The sun was about to rise and Addison was more confused than she'd been since getting thrown out of the brownstone. She'd come to Seattle heartbroken and desperate to rebuild her life, to put herself back together again, but her situation was more muddled now than when she first got to the Pacific Northwest.
Now, she had someone who might potentially be a boyfriend, maybe, and an estranged husband who'd taken her to this lookout point in a tiny park. Derek had held her hand while making their way up here in the dark. It was kind of spooky. There was a cemetery nearby, and it had occurred to Addison that he could have lured her here to push her off the side of the rather steep hill, which was pretty silly, but he'd been so angry in New York.
"Okay," Derek put his bag down on one bench and smiled at her. "Preston Burke promised me that this spot is the best kept secret in town. There's supposed to be a breathtaking view of Lake Washington and the Cascades from here."
"Yeah?" It was cold. Addison wasn't dressed for the occasion and her husband planning any kind of surprise for her was surreal. It had been years since the last time he did anything for her, or even noticed that she was there, breathing, right next to him.
Derek unfolded a blanket and spread it across the bench before he patted the seat, "Come, sit." She gingerly sat down as he draped another blanket over her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "I won't let you freeze." He sat down next to her and unpacked a box of, "Doughnut holes, please hold." Addison dutifully held on to them as he retrieved a thermos from his bag.
He smiled at her and she did her best to smile back even though she felt like she'd been dropped into an alternate universe, living some other Addison's romantic sunrise with a husband who cared. "You okay?" Derek tilted his head as he looked her over. "You're not dizzy again, are you?"
"Um, I'm good," she nodded, trying to pull her thoughts together when he handed her a cup of steaming coffee and she inhaled the aroma with a sigh. It was brewed from her favorite blend. Addison could feel tears welling in her eyes. He'd made coffee for her, to drink while they watched the sun rise over the city. When they were residents, working the graveyard shift, Derek would bring her up to the roof and they'd watch the sunrise over coffee and kisses.
"So, I was thinking..." Derek took a swig from his own coffee. "If you want me to take the position at Seattle Grace, maybe we should look for a place to live where it's just the two of us?" He popped a doughnut hole into his mouth and chewed like he was some sort of food critic. "She's nice and all, but we don't really need Meredith Grey in the middle of our relationship." He held a doughnut out for her, "Have a bite. They're pretty good."
Addison reached over and bit a piece off. She was not about to jam that whole thing into her mouth. With the way Derek was surprising her left and right, the ball would probably go down whole, the wrong way, and she'd choke to death. Chewing carefully, she nodded in approval, yeah, they were pretty tasty.
Everything else, though, was moving too quickly for her. Derek showing up, her date, the rawness of the sex they'd had... her power nap and the condoms that were still in her pocket, his job offer. It was too all much. Addison was tired and confused, and she was also reasonably sure that she was just as much of a Slutty McSlutface as Archer and the Captain, and that made her feel horrible.
This time, the tears spilled out, down her cheeks and she wiped furiously at them. "Hey, hey..." Derek wrapped his arm around her. "It's okay. I've got you." He kissed her temple. "We don't have to decide on anything right now. We came here to watch the sunrise, so let's just enjoy that and a few more doughnuts." He ate the rest of her doughnut hole and offered her a new one from the box.
The skies were turning pink and apricot as the sun began to rise in the distance, behind the mountains. "It's beautiful," Addison said and took another bite from her doughnut. "Thank you for taking me," she smiled, feeling awkward and shy at the way Derek was looking at her and not the sunrise. "You're missing it," she nodded towards the sky.
"No," he shook his head, "I'm not." He gently brushed his thumb over her lower eyelid and held it out for her to see, "An eyelash... Make a wish?" He smiled at her and she stared at him, her heart hammering in her chest.
Slowly, without breaking eye contact, she blew gently on his finger, not entirely sure what she was wishing for. New York Addison would have wished for what she had right here, an attentive Derek who planned romantic dates filled with thoughtful gestures. Seattle Addison, on the other hand, had no idea what she wanted.
"I can't believe you did this for me," she mused, more to herself than to Derek, although her husband did appear to be listening closely. "You must be exhausted, after the day you've had."
"And miss watching a beautiful sunrise with my beautiful wife?" Derek flashed her that smile of his that he used when he was trying to be extra charming, and she was reminded of their med school days. Derek loved the chase, she warned herself, desperately trying not to get swept up in this very emotional moment. Sure, he was attentive now, when he thought he might lose out, but what would happen once the crisis had been averted, and he got complacent again?
— ·· —
So, writing 2-for-1 romance stuff? It's more complex than it seemed. You're in the head of this flawed, unreliable narrator and then, you have to pull back from being that character's cheerleader and view the same world from a POV that tilts everything just so, inside a differently flawed but just as unreliably biased character. And, you have to cheer all over again. \o/ For the other team.
Thank you all so much for reading!