Chapter Ten: Elephant In The Room
Someina avoided bringing it up for a month. Y'know...the elephant in the room.
Someina held his hand and looked him in the eyes with confidence as fake as a forgery, like everything was copacetic.
There were moments she could have said something. Little sweet spots of conversation that would make for a decent segway to her darkest moments. There were quiet evenings spent in his arms that she squandered, falling asleep instead. Dinners that had natural pauses of space she could have filled with the declaration of her codependance.
But she just kept the focus on his therapy sessions and jete'd over hers.
Of course, her timing couldn't have been normal. No, she brought up her mental scars while they were in the middle of doing laundry. Because nothing says heart to heart like a spin cycle.
"I struggle with depression," Someina blurts, holding for his reaction.
But then it feels like a second too long so she quickly adds, "Post-natal depression..." In case that wasn't clear or anything.
Detergent starts spilling over the measuring cup and onto his hand, causing him to reel back from the sticky purple liquid.
She rushes to grab nearby paper towels and practically throws it at him, even though it was about as useless as a bandaid for a heart attack.
"You...caught me off guard," he says, removing his rings to rinse his hands at the sink I hadn't remembered in my panic. "Can we go sit and talk about this so I can listen like you deserve? Because I don't want to have a serious conversation while cleaning up detergent and emptying a lint trap."
"Right! Sorry..." He uses the crumbled up paper towel then to dry his hands before dunking it in the trash and taking her hand to lead her to the main room. It was mostly quiet while Kaiko was away at soccer. The dishwasher was humming softly as it was nearing the end of it's cycle, and a moon shaped clock on the wall ticked in soothing rhythm of the passing seconds as they landed on his faux leather couch.
He throws his arms around the back and gestures that she come closer with the tilt of his head. As if they were about to kick back with Mai Tai's instead of talk about what she believed to be the worst version of herself
She shakes her head, wringing out her hands. "I need to be right here. Actually..."
She moves to sit on the coffee table in front of him, their knees touching as a gaming magazine poked her in the hip.
"Right here is better. I can do this."
No...no, she can't.
"Take it where you need it to go," he offers, smiling gently. "Only talk if you're ready. It should be on your terms, Som."
She smiles then, tucking her blonding hair behind her ear. Knowing that he still saw her as his - friend, girlfriend - even though she tucked this pain away deep inside of her... knowing he still refuses to let go of their closeness...
It makes her love him.
Whoa, girl...love? One thing at a time.
"I had to tell myself different things just to get through the day. 'If you don't break down tonight, you can have your favorite food.' 'You've worn the same underwear for three days and haven't showered in five, but you can wait one more day and get some extra sleep.' 'This won't last because one day she'll be older and able to take care of herself. Because I don't have it in me.'"
These might sound normal for a new single mother, but it got worse.
"It didn't stop at me prioritizing Kaiko over my appearance, which you know was a big deal considering the family I come from...it became me looking at myself in the mirror and feeling like a stranger was looking back at me. I was wearing her clothes and not washing her hair and crying what little makeup she had off all night. I stopped feeling like a human and more like...an empty, breathless being."
Like she didn't have a soul left because it had died the day she found out she was about to become a teen mother.
Alone.
"And I don't..." She sucks in a breath. "I don't know that I would ever want to be pregnant again."
Those words hang in the room, so loudly it feels like her brain is bursting of aneurysm. She watches as years of processing happens in minutes. The way confusion bunches his eyebrows together, before dissolving into a concerned frown that makes everything seem grim.
His hands find the edge of the couch, squeezing hard enough that his knuckles turn alabaster when his eyes manage to find hers again. "Never? You..." he pauses, unable to speak that reality. "You couldn't...you don't want another one?"
She gets up off the table, folding her arms as she moves towards the fireplace. Unable to sit that close when she felt like Brutus, stabbing him in the back with the truth. As he blows out a long breath, she smooths her hand over the grainy wood of the mantle. And its then that she realizes the lonely strip of space that boasted of nothing but dust and absent memories. There were no photos of his nearest and dearest. Not his parents, his cousins, his girlfriend and child.
It looked like it belonged to someone that was trying to get his groove back.
Not like someone that wanted the big family, the white picket fence, and the chance to grow old together.
"I'm sorry," Someina whispers, yanking her hand back as if touching something sharp. "You deserve someone in your life that can give you more children if that's what you want. Not...not me."
"Hey." He stands, hands raised. "I'm not saying that I want to call it quits because you feel that way. I'm just now hearing about this, so you have to give me a minute."
She fidgets with her blouse, finding the wait insufferable because she didn't want him to leave her. The five years they were apart were a mixture of bad to worse. But something that never died was her fondness of him. And that one night was sewn into her soul with permanent stitches.
"Who knows? Maybe I'll change my mind one day," she tries, though she sounds just as unconvinced as she feels. "One bad experience shouldn't color pregnancy and motherhood for the rest of my life."
"But if its traumatic for you," Haru says, his hand brushing against her elbow as he reaches her at the fireplace, "then I wouldn't ask you to go through it again. I haven't even sat with the thought myself about wanting more little ones."
She sighs, her head dropping to his chest as her arms go around his waist. "I'm just tired of being the problem in our relationship. In every relationship."
If all she did was repel people, then why did she try to keep them in the first place?
"Don't talk like that, Som..." he brushes his hand through her hair, cherishing the way she feels in his arms. It was like being wrapped up in a handmade sweater that was custom fitted just for him. "We're both broken people. And every human seems to start off that way. But I think we can support each other as we're put back together. By God, by therapists...I don't believe that you're a problem. I believe that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
She leans back to face him, being swayed lovingly in his embrace. "You don't hate me for maybe not wanting to be a mom to anyone else?"
"Absolutely not," he answers firmly.
"You're not scared of the depression I grapple with? Even though part of it is related to our daughter?"
"Are you scared of me?" He challenges, echoing familiar self-doubt.
"Absolutely not," she parrots.
"Then why would I fear you?" He smiles, melting away the frost of her emotions with the crack of autumn light.
"You're in this for the long haul, huh?"
He pinches her cheek teasingly, making her laugh for the first time today. "I'm here until you get tired of me."
"Then you'll really be here a long time."
...
"Hey, Haru? Want to try this ice cream I bought?" Someina elbows the fridge closed, setting down sugar-free ice cream, a scooper, and a package of waffle cones. "Its Otter's Paw."
"Yes please," he says, jumping up from the couch and moving so that he's standing behind her. Watching as she begins to scoop a hearty amount into a waffle cone far too big for her tiny hands.
But they were still very much in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. It was his fault for making him so nervous when he stood this close.
He smelled like woodsy, pine aftershave. And as she snuck a peek at him, she went weak in the knees.
Haru was looking mighty fine in his open black button down, silvery chains and necklaces jingling from his collarbone. His fitted jeans really complimented him, pulling the look together so well that she hoped he didn't catch her staring.
He dips his finger into the scoop dripping down her waffle cone before sticking it in his mouth. "Mmm...its so sweet. Is that caramel in there?"
She blushes at the sound he made, nodding. "Yeah. And there's some pecans and coco too. I think I love it almost as much as I love Butter Pecan. Which says a lot."
He notes the pinks of her cheeks, taking the cone she offers him with its three scoops. "What's that look for?"
"Huh?" She whips her head up mid-scoop, the ice cream falling to the granite with a slap. She almost gets whiplash as she swivels back around to assess the mess. "Oh no...that's such a waste!"
He laughs, holding up his free hand. "Its ok, Som. Besides...it doesn't have to be trashed."
Her eyebrows pull together. "What do you mean by that?"
He holds the waffle cone back out to her before he bends at the waist.
And he licks the ice cream right off the counter.
Because why wouldn't he?
"Haru!" She claps a hand over her mouth, scandalized. "That's so unsanitary."
He eyes her from his lower position, the creamy substance sitting on his tongue before he swallows. And now her light blush is a wave of crimson.
"Its no different than licking your fingers after a big mac, Princess."
From anyone else, that name would have come off condescending. But from him it seemed romantic and sweet. And anyway, its not like she had room to care if she actually was being insulted. She couldn't get the image of him licking the ice cream out of her head.
It had been a long time for her.
A really, really, really long time.
"A-anyway." She closes her eyes, hating the way she tripped over her words. "I don't think I'm that hungry anymore. You can have the rest of this if you want."
"Is that right...?"
Her breath freezes in her lungs at the playful, dubious tone to his voice.
Was she really that bad an actress?
The ice cream starts spilling over into a sticky stream on her hand. But she doesn't have time to try and clean it because Haru's hands are suddenly around her waist, hoisting her up onto the part of the island that doesn't have an ice cream mess.
Her eyes widen as he glances down at the ice cream dripping down into her palm, before his gaze flicks back to hers. As if gauging her reaction. But for what? What was there to respond to?
He smiles as he licks the caramel from the palm to the tips of her fingers. She shudders as he runs his tongue across her knuckles before he stands just so that they're eye level again.
"Not hungry?" He inches closer, lips almost grazing hers. "You look like you're starving, Som."
He traces the seam of her lips with his tongue, cold and luscious from the Otter's Paw. And just like the ice cream, she melts as she finally samples it for the first time. His hands a warm contrast to his mouth as they move up her thighs to her backside, causing the skirt of her dress to bunch up around his hands.
His thumbs skim her panty line and she accidentally bites his lip too hard. He pulls back a little and she feels sheepish for the third time in ten minutes.
"Sorry...I'm just clumsy when it comes to all of this. Maybe its been too long."
He shakes his head, a shadow of a smile on his lips. "Its like riding a bicycle. Muscle memory kicks in and you just focus on feeling for it. Actually, its like riding a motorcycle." Her heart free falls as she remembers what it felt like when the bike leaned with her weight, only to be caught by him after suspension in the limbo of uncertainty.
She fixes her dress so that it covers her thighs again, still awkwardly clinging to the ice cream cone. "I really am hungry...for the ice cream. I just feel embarrassed."
"I can see that." He laughs, amused at how cute she looked when she got all pouty. Like a disgruntled fairy in Pixie Hollow or something. "I just don't know why."
She licks the ice cream, three scoops now became two as they melted together. "You just...you made noises when you tried the ice cream. And it made me feel...strange, I guess?"
She sounded like she had no experience when she put it that way.
But it was really just that she wasn't blunt when it came to sex and things of the like.
She wasn't straightforward when it came to asking for what she wanted.
And she didn't have a high 'body count'. Which she thought that was a ridiculous name anyway.
Really, if it hadn't been for the alcohol that night, she wouldn't have been able to work up the nerve.
"Strange?" He echoes, his hands shoved into his pockets. "Mm...nope, you're gonna have to elaborate on that."
She braves a look at him, wondering if she was being too vague.
But there was a mischievous look to him.
Like he wanted to smirk, but didn't.
"Haru..."
"I want to hear it from your pretty, sexy mouth what you're feeling," he says, challenging her. "You said I made noises that made you feel strange. Go on..."
She sighs, her shoulders falling hard with the exertion. "I'm not like you, Haru. I'm not straightforward about emotions and sex. Its not...easy."
He leans forward, hands landing on either side of her on the counter. "I want to help you with that. I'll be honest, though. I'm mostly asking for selfish reasons...but I also want to help you be more open with your sexuality. At least with me."
She chews on her lower lip, finding it so hard to fight against him when he was so genuine. And maybe...just maybe, part of her wanted to know what he would say if she was honest.
What he would do.
She cradles the waffle cone between her two hands, daring herself to look him in his hurricane water eyes.
"It turned me on when you licked the ice cream right off of me. But what got me going more...was when you touched me. I like the way your skin feels on my skin. I like the way ice cream tastes on your tongue. I like...you."
He's breathing hard by the time she finishes, and she wonders if her words were making him feel that good strange too.
He takes the cone from her hand and her mouth drops open at how he just stole it back from her like that.
"Hey! I was eating that."
"I want you...to lay back against the counter. Please."
His voice is tighter, like he's restraining himself.
So even though she didn't know what he was thinking, she can't helap but want to comply. She falls back against the cool granite of the island, her legs dangling off the counter in front of him as his dark eyes ran the length of her body.
In a New York minute, he's taken the remains of the ice cream and paints it up her leg in a quick motion. Causing her skin to break out in chills when he does.
"What are you" her voice stops short when his mouth follows the trail of ice cream. From her shin to her knee to her inner thigh. Her voice hitches when he lays a kiss there, right where the caramel drizzle had been. And on instinct, her hand grabs for his hair as she closes her eyes, scraping her teeth over her lip when he nips her there.
"Oh, Haru..."
He straightens again, only this time when he makes eye contact, he looks like he's ready to love her from the inside out. And in every room that he has the stamina for.
She sits up, scooting forward so that he stands between her legs. Her hands running over the hard ridges of his abs that are visible from his open shirt. She feels the way he tenses, and her heart jumps when his hand lands over hers. As if encouraging her to go lower.
"You're so shy, Someina Grace," he teases, his voice that dark and syrupy one from when she first started staying here. And their hands touched on the door of his bedroom. Both forbidden from being able to enjoy it because of their relationships. But now...
She silences it all when she kisses him hard, pouring her everything into it. Wanting him to know her desire in every intimate way that he could know it.
He secures her legs around his waist before he carries her to his bedroom. And even though no one was home but them, he kicks the door shut before they both land on his queen size mattress. He had just washed his sheets, but for this, he wouldn't mind washing them again. And again.
He pins her hands above her head, trailing kisses down her chin and the delicate swan like curve of her neck. He was in love with the way she arched against him...played with his hair.
She fingers the buttons of his shirt, slipping one loose. "I want more of you...now."
"You can have all of me."
Forever, he mentally added.
But that felt way too heavy for this moment between them.
He undoes the few buttons left before she delicately pushes the material off his shoulders. And her snowflake blue eyes trace the green loops of his bicep tattoo.
It looked like infinity, except it was interlaced with itself. Like the never ending entity outside of time.
"Want to touch it?" He asks, taking her hand in his, smoothing it over his upper arm. And she feels the muscles flex under her hand, enjoying how strong and sturdy he feels. He seemed unbreakable and hard as an unyielding boulder. But the skin was also supple, though stretched over toughened muscle.
"Its beautiful...but what does it mean?"
His smile is there, but sadness touches the edges. "It can be interpreted as it being an unbreakable chain that represents life. To the good and bad. I'm not trying to go Lion King on you, but its like the circle of life...one thing affects another in a never ending loop of the butterfly effect."
He sits up with one knee pressed to the bed, hands paused on the button of his jeans. "Som...the last time we were here like this, things didn't go so hot. I wasn't...myself. But the last thing I would ever want to do is force you into anything."
He was giving her an out. A chance to douse the heat waving between them when she didn't think she wanted anything but him.
Someina sits up and pulls on the front of his pants, her thumb sliding over the bend in his zipper making him hiss between his teeth at the friction. She looks up at him in a panic of it hurting, but the cloud of arousal in his eyes reassures her.
She pulls the zipper down and frowns as she comes face to face with black material. Somehow both bothered and relieved that underwear was in the way.
He laughs, seeing the frustration sitting pretty on her face. "You're so adorable...but what's crazy is you don't even try to be."
But she didn't want to be thought of as adorable or shy. She wanted those looks he gave her when she was out at dinner with Hatori, like the dress she wore would look best on his floor. Or when they played a dangerous game with candy canes last Christmas, and it made her want to taste his.
She raises up onto her knees, eye level with his chest as he waited patiently for her to make the next move. She watched it rise and fall with the powerful beats that surged through his heart like the spark of an engine. She pulls her hair back with one hand, placing a peck hesitatingly on his pectorals. She leans back to check if he was at all weirded out or about to pull away.
When he doesn't, she grows confident in her ministrations. A soft kiss to his sternum, a brush of her lips over his tight abdomen. The way her mouth teased waistline of his underwear. Just to taste the parts of his skin that she might have once, feeling nostalgic in wanting to try him again.
"Yes..." he breathes out, groaning when she introduces her tongue as she swirls the outside of his navel. Growing excited at how his hips were starting to move as though reaching for her.
"Do you need me, now?" She asks, her voice breathy though her question was bold in its weight. "You look like you do."
His lips part in surprise at how forward his girl was being. Wanting nothing more than to feel her wrapped around him, holding tightly.
In lieu of answering, he hooks his thumbs into the band of his underwear. And he lets it fall all at once to the floor, kicking it out of the way. And the moment she sees him in his fullness, she gasps. Loudly.
"I was able to handle that?" She asks, gesturing at his lower half. "You're so much...bigger than I expected."
He didn't know if he should feel flattered that he seemed big to her, or insulted that she assumed less. But size never mattered as much as performance. And he stood by that.
"Remember that time we took a quiz on being a lover?" He asks, tilting her chin so that she was focusing on his face. "Do you think I can prove it wrong?"
She swallows. "I don't know...I'm not sure I even remember the results. Why are you bringing up all of a sudden?"
He half shrugs. "Dunno. You seem kind of freaked now that you've seen me. I was hoping it would make you laugh."
She bites her lip, shaking her head. "I'm not scared. Not with you. I trust you to take your time with me."
He nods, once. "Of course."
She places steadying hands on his hips, relishing the feel of the divots. "But I also want you to trust me if I tell you I don't want you holding back. Because I might be a petite, little thing that's reserved or whatever. But I do get hot and bothered when it comes to you. And I want you to give me everything you want."
He crashes his lips over hers, bringing her (unfortunately) fully clad body hard against his. Though feeling her against him was just making him need her more.
She breaks the kiss long enough to shove the straps of her dress off her shoulders, making their lips collide once again as he tugged the dress so that it collapsed to her waist. Gliding down her legs shortly after.
She hops as it gets caught around her ankle, both of them laughing like they're teenagers again when she falls back on her butt and he finally pulls it off the rest of the way.
He bites his fist at the sight before him. Taking in the feminine vision that was Someina Grace Fujioka in lavender lingerie. Her bra was lacy with tiny satin bows on the straps. Her underwear matching, as though she planned what was coming, though it wasn't fancy enough for him to actually believe that.
"Its a good thing I'm so type A, that at least I always match." She self consciously adjusts her straps with her thumbs, blushing at how Haru enjoyed every angle. Every single stitch of the fabric that made her look so appetizingly seductive.
"You look so good in purple. But I'd be lying if I didn't say you look best in nude."
She cants her head, mouthing 'nude' to herself when the double entendre clicks. And she rubs her lips together to hide her smile.
He climbs up onto the bed and sits back against his headboard, stacking up pillows behind him. "Someina," he says, causing her to turn her head.
He pats his legs. "Come here..."
She feels herself getting shy all over again, but she crawls towards him anyway. And judging by the way he jostles his leg, he can't wait for her to get there.
She places her hands on either of his shoulders, hesitating about sitting directly in his lap.
He grunts, as if to say go ahead.
I mean what I say.
She throws one leg over his, then the other until she's spread them over his thighs. And the moment she lowers herself completely against him, they both moan in unison. The material of her underwear so thin it almost felt like there was nothing between them at all.
His hands run over the clasp on her back, his many rings clinking against the metal as he snaps one undone. She sucks in a breath, knowing he was just three more from seeing her.
"You okay?"
She nods.
Snap.
Two down, two to go.
"You're so beautiful," he whispers, pulling apart another.
One left.
Only the straps were keeping her modesty.
"And you smell so..."
Snap.
The bra collapses off her shoulders and he presses his face to the middle of her breastbone, inhaling her scent. "You smell like bubble bath and orchids. Your favorite flowers..."
The cold air immediately hits her skin and covers it in chills, but she felt feverish on the inside with how close he was.
She runs her hands up his back, stopping short when she feels the telling ridge of his scar. The deep grooves that rain from his waist to the middle of his back from his motorcycle accident.
She moves her hands up to safety to clutch his shoulder blades, but he sighs against her chest.
"It doesn't hurt. And I want you to be comfortable touching me whenever you feel like it. And that includes my scar, okay?"
She nods wordlessly, partially because she loves how gentle and open he is with her. But also because his lips were drifting further across her chest.
She arches her back as he takes her into his mouth, tearing a pleasured gasp from her lips.
"H-Haru!"
He teases her with his tongue before parting from it, a devious twinkle in his eyes when he looks at her again. "What? I thought you like how I feel on you?"
She tries for a glare, but its hard to look threatening when you're panting and naked.
"Two can play at that game." She presses her lips furiously against his as her hand wanders underneath, gripping him in her hand.
He moans her name against her lips, and she grins at how the tables were turned.
After minutes of back and forth teasing and foreplay, Haru pulls her underwear off to the side before entering her. And they both sigh in relief and impatience at finally being connected again. Feelings running on high as their bodies muscle memory of five years ago flooded in.
She was setting their tempo, being on top. And for once in her life the pressure she was experiencing from a high position felt good. Really good. If only it was as good in daily practice as it was in the bedroom.
"You feel so...good, Someina," his head falls back against the pillows, his fingers digging into her hips.
"I like you calling me Someina for a change," she rushes out, coming back down. "It makes me feel mature and sexy."
He can't think straight enough to ask her more about it. But it was always impossible to think under someone. Especially when you fit each other like the last connecting puzzle piece.
They flip positions so that she's in missionary beneath him, his hands interlacing with hers as he presses them into the bed. It wasn't even about the physical sensations as much as it was the feeling of looking into each others eyes. Trusting that person enough that you let them inside you, seeing every inch of their soul as you were together like this.
Their lips meet as his hips quicken the pace, and she places a hand between them to feel his heart beating beneath her fingertips. Knowing her heart was punching just as hard against her own chest.
When they finish, they both lay in each other's arms. Both breathing hard and sweaty, but blissed out in inexplicable ways.
Haru lazily tosses the blanket over them as they stare up at the ceiling, running after their elusive breath.
"That was so much better than my imagination," Haru says, breaking into the sex induced awe first. "And I've thought about this a lot."
She turns to him, a relaxed - almost sleepy - drunk smile dancing on her lips. "Honestly...so have I."
Haru throws his arm over his forehead, shaking his head in shock. "Maybe I should have bought caramel ice cream sooner."
Someina shoots up at that. "Caramel! I completely forgot I'm supposed to be meeting the girls for brunch." She tosses the blanket aside about to stand, before remembering she's still very much naked. Unlike her seventeen year old self, she wraps herself in Haru's black sheets as opposed to her pink chevron comforter.
How silly that she didn't remember earlier when he first mentioned it.
He was too distracting for her own good.
"Are you able to watch Kaiko for the day? I'm internship hunting, and then I'm meeting the girls for mimosas and brunch...Caramel included." She starts rattling off a list of things she needs to remember, muttering to herself, "I'll just have to shower quick and go."
"Wait, Caramel? What's the special occasion?" He sits up in bed, missing her presence beside him already. "You manage to make up?"
She sighs, gliding her hands down to his shoulders as her black hair falls over her face. "Not exactly...its more of a peace offering. And now that she's done working on that wedding, she's volunteered to stick around longer to plan Tohru and Kyo's."
He snorts. "She's something special..."
For some reason, this sends a nervous pulse through her body. Like the envy she harbored towards her little sister was being picked at. "Everyone says that. You haven't even met her, but you'd probably think she's hotter like everyone else does."
"What?" He turns to try to look at her, but she stops him with the firm grip on his shoulders. "Hotter than you...? Impossible."
She shakes her head, sitting back on her feet. "You just...if you met her, you'd understand. I'm constantly compared to her. She's got the looks, the money, my parents' love and affection. She has her life together, with her business and a string of boys that would jump at a chance to be back in her bed..."
"Som," Haru says, reaching over to tuck her midnight tresses behind her ear. "I don't care if I've never seen her. I've seen you...and I only see you. And I think I just proved how much I enjoy having you in bed."
She ducks her head, covering her grin with her hand.
"You're the woman I dream about, think about...you're the woman I've let get closer to my heart than anyone. It doesn't hurt that you're beautiful, but it not the main thing that makes my heart race."
He grabs her by the waist, swinging her around so that she sat in his lap, making her squeal in surprise and cling to him for dear life. The blanket falling in the mayhem.
"You know what turns me on about you?" He asks, his tone dropping lower as he brushes his lips over her throat. "How sexy you are when you move across a room, like the floor honors your years of ballet with every step you take." He plants a small kiss a little lower, making her shut her eyes. "Or how hot it is when I see you be an amazing mom to our daughter after all these years. Seeing the way her eyes light up around you...looks up to you."
"Haru," she mumbles, blushing deep red at the compliments of his lips and his words.
"Do you really think I would compare you to anyone? I tried to move on from what could have been, but I couldn't. Because..." He emphasizes with a nip "...You're it for me," he punctuates with a lick, soothing every wound he causes.
"Ha-Hatsuharu," she breathes, nuzzling into him as he kisses down her neck with increased fervor.
"Hmm?" He hums, making her suck in her lip as the vibrations tickle the hollow of her throat. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No..." She says before she can think twice. "I mean," she starts, clearing her throat, "N-no?"
He pecks her on the lips, patting her on the butt so she stands. "Alright then. You go on and do your thing and Kaiko and I will see you back here tonight. Yeah?"
She beams, glowing from their love making and his loving words. "Yeah. See you tonight."
After hopping in and out of the shower, she rushes out the door, already a good ten minutes behind.
...
When Someina hears a bell chime as she pushes open its opaque, frosted doors she knows the brunch spot Caramel picked was just like her. Expensive, showy, and had a flair for dramatic entrances.
Her gaze sweeps the room with the awe of a baby deer trying to find its mother in a sea of strangers. And as her eyes landed on a table dead center, she ducked her head as she floated through the room. Dreading that their group would be the center of attention as she strapped her purse to the ornate white chair, taking a seat between Hana and Uo being the last to arrive.
"Wow, chika. I thought I was a late birdie," Caramel opens with a joke, though it didn't seem like it was Someina's laugh she was after. "If you're not careful you'll earn that crown."
Suddenly it didn't seem like champagne and orange juice would be quite enough. But she figured it wasn't exactly socially acceptable to order whiskey this early in the day.
She takes a hearty gulp from her chilled flute glass, inhaling the fresh smells of citrus from the tangerine wedged on its rim. This was gonna be a long brunch if this was how things were already going.
"So, Tohru," Caramel says suddenly, spooking the jumpy brunette as she changes gears. "I decided to call these girls in because I wanted their input as we review wedding details."
"Wedding talk?" Uo asks, slinging her arm over the back of her chair. "I thought this was a casual brunch. It is a Sunday you know?"
"Yes, I'm always aware of what day it is," Caramel says, matter-of-factly. "If I could, I would get a calendar tattooed on my body. But unfortunately I have an image to maintain. That's what my mother always tells me."
Someina snorts, but hides it behind another sip of her Mimosa.
"I fail to understand why we are involved," Hana chimes in, picking a flaky, buttery croissant from the center of the table. "Not that I mind discussing my Tohru's wedding. But this brunch reads more like a strategy meeting."
Caramel nods, rummaging through a Prada bag for some materials. "Exactly. You ladies are the wedding party are you not?"
We exchange looks before agreeing, to which my sister smiles like she's on a world stage being told she's the next pageant queen.
"So I need your help to get all this information down." Caramel sets notebooks, planners, pens, three different phones, and several catalogs out on the table. And without skipping a beat, she slips on elegant readers as she runs through a checklist. "I need to confirm locations for both the wedding, the wedding shower, and the bachelorette party."
"Are three parties really necessary?" Tohru asks, running a finger absently around her glass' rim.
"Three parties? Ha! You left out the reception and the rehearsal dinner," Caramel corrects, looking at her over her rectangular frames. "We also need to take care of the guest list, invitations, catering, hair, MUA, dress, shoes, accessories, open bar or closed bar, dinnerware, centerpieces, music selection, table cloth..."
"Cara," Someina jumps in, sensing Tohru's growing panic. "This all sounds very overwhelming just being listed off at once."
She shakes her head. "But I'm not even close to being finished. There's also party favors, seating arrangements, picking the rings, and don't even get me started on booking your honeymoon."
Before I can argue further, she throws a hand up. "Tohru hired me because she knows I'm not just very good at what I do. I excel at it. And that's quoting the Wedding Whims magazine article from last year."
Tohru slumps back against her seat, looking paler than when Someina first sat down.
"Don't worry, hon. We'll get through this," Someina says, leaning around Uo to rub her arm. "We'll be with you every step of the way. And you can delegate certain tasks to your bridesmaids and Maid of Honor.
Caramel gasps. "That's right! You need to settle on your Maid of Honor. I need a name by the end of the week. This will help us progress at a much faster pace."
"I agree," Hana says, dabbing at her lips with a napkin. "Whomever you choose, they will lift a lot of the workload off of your shoulders. Especially if you choose a grand ceremony over an intimate one."
"I love you, but count me out of that role," Uo says. "Things at work are only getting busier as we approach Summer and everyone wants to unload their bratty children on us. I'm more than willing to knock some heads around if the other two need some encouraging."
"I don't know..." Someina starts, considering the conversation she just had with Haru. "Between my family, finding a new internship, and therapy...I can't overextend myself by assuming such a major role. I think someone who can devote the love and attention should do it."
"Aww, you're in therapy," Caramel coos, folding her hands together. "Good for you."
Someina questions her authenticity, which she picks up on and adds, "No...seriously. That's great news. You could use the help to get you through everything."
She's about to ask her to expound upon that, but Tohru looks to Hana and asks, "Hana...would you like to be my Maid of Honor? The decision is yours to make, but it would be a huge help!"
Saki smiles, placing her hand over Tohru's. "I would love to."
"Fanatastique!" Caramel claps her hands together. "One down and a million more to go."
...
As Haru walked the aisles of the grocery store, he could feel the stares of middle aged and even younger females watching his every move as he pushed his cart along. Ever since he and Som made it official, women found him irresistible. He felt like a celebrity on the verge of getting mobbed at every turn.
Maybe he should start investing in wigs and sunglasses. An ugly mask would do.
He tries to shove it to the back of his mind, scrolling through text messages for the list of things needed for Kaiko's sleepover.
Flashlights, check.
Batteries for the flashlights, check.
Movie popcorn, check.
Dr Pepper and Coke (in a can), double check.
Candy?
But what kind? Someina must have gotten busy and forgot to be specific.
Kaiko didn't have any allergies to dyes, nuts, or chocolate so it wouldn't be a big deal if he picked wrong. But based on their mutual dislike of Granny Smith apples, he would avoid anything sour for her.
He grabs sour skittles for Daisy, because it fit her personality to a T. Though so did the salt water taffy.
He picks M&Ms for Rain and settles on Peachy O's and Starbursts for his daughter.
As he tosses his findings in the cart, he starts to push forward before he yanks it to a stop at the sight of a woman crouched in front of him. She's eyeing the rack of black licorice with a phone tucked between her ear and shoulder. Though she wasn't talking loud enough that he could pick up the conversation.
"Rin?"
She startles, her brown eyes flying up to find why that voice was so familiar. Why it reached into the bottom of her soul the way it did.
She hurries to stand, taking in her ex-boyfriend for the first time in months.
"Are you there? Hello?" A voice breaks in on the line, shaking Rin out of her stupor.
"Yeah, I'll call you back." She tucks her newly short hair behind her ear, her voice taking on a soft tone. "I'll see you at home. Bye."
She hangs up and shoves her phone into her purse, her smile dipping as she comes face to face with Haru again.
"Your hair," he breathes, almost reaching out to run his fingers through it. "I remember you saying you would never cut it."
She puts her arm behind her, pinching the back of her top between her fingers. "That's because you liked it. I didn't want any reminders of our relationship. Besides, the guy I'm with is into it."
Haru shoves his hands into his pockets, swallowing hard at that. "You're with someone else? Wow...that's great."
He felt like the king of jerks with how insincere he was being. He couldn't have his cake and eat it too. Knowing that Rin had moved on should have made him excited for her, given him proper closure. He shouldn't want her to spend the rest of her life hurting for him.
So...why was this so painful?
She sidesteps a mom making her way down the aisle with a toddler in her shopping cart, before grabbing the bag of licorice. "Its casual but at least I moved on. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life broken over what happened."
His breath pauses, wondering if she could see right through his thoughts.
She takes some gummy worms and marshmallows off the rack before turning on her heel, prepared to leave. "How is your daughter...? Is she happy?"
His brows pull together. "Yeah, she's doing well. She's having a sleepover tonight with two of her friends."
Rin laughs, a cross between bitter and ironic. "I always knew you'd make a great dad...I just thought the first child you had would be our own." She holds herself in a way that makes him feel terrible. Like she had knife wounds in her back that he put there, and she was trying to keep them from being reopened.
"I'll see you around...or maybe, I won't." She shrugs, a faint smile touching lips he'd kissed thousands of times. "Goodbye...Haru..."
He stands silently as he watches her leave, old habits trying to rise up in him to chase her and console her. But it was over. He had his love and she probably had hers.
"Goodbye, Rin."
...
Someina pours the freshly popped buttery popcorn into the biggest bowl Haru had. And she shakes it up to really send the strong, salty aroma drifting through the house where the girls were playing with their dolls.
Daisy was very particular about not eating the popcorn unless it was low in sodium, butter-free, and low calories. It was awful the way that girl was so conscious of her body and weight at such a young age. But the girl's vain mother was to blame for that.
"Smells good," Haru says, swinging the fridge open and bending in search of a drink. "I couldn't find a veggie platter, but I did grab the cuban sandwiches and hummus."
Someina purses her lips, unsure of what it was about him that seemed so...different.
Ever since he got back from the store he seemed like he was in a foul mood. Its only now that he's moved from bad to just...weird. And she wasn't sure if she should ask because he was so insecure about his emotions as it was.
And even worse...part of her was screaming that his strange behavior was the result of the afternoon delight of yesterday.
Maybe it was just her imagination.
"Haru?"
He fishes out a can of Asashi and kicks the door closed as he pops the tab. "Yeah? What's up?"
Someina leans over the counter, hugging the bowl to her chest as she tries to find a tactful approach. "Did something happen at the store today? Or are you having trouble with school or something?"
The can pauses mid-way to his lips, before he pulls it away to look her in the eye. Because why would she ask unless he did something to give away what happened? Was he that obvious?
He takes a pull of the beer and leans back against the fridge, crossing one leg calmly over the other. "I ran into Rin..." He shrugs, trying again for nonchalance. "We caught up for a little bit before going our separate ways."
Someina feels her heart drop several floors, practically hearing it whistle as it sailed down.
She hadn't thought about what they would do if Hatori or Rin ever reappeared. But now that it finally happened, she didn't know how she should feel about it. Especially if they didn't...
Her eyes widen at the thought that hits her.
They didn't kiss, did they?
Or...was he thinking about getting back with her?
"What are you thinking?" He asks, passing the aluminum back and forth between his hands. "You look like you've witnessed a horrible accident."
"Um..." she forces her eyes down to the bowl, blinking quickly. "The popcorn's getting cold. I should get it to them."
"Som—"
But she's already turned the corner to Kaiko's bedroom, deciding to shelve that conversation for later.
"Thanks, mommy!" Kaiko squeals as she sets the bowl down at her writing desk. Watching as she and Rain, the friend she made on her very first day, attack the popcorn like it was feeding time in a shark tank. The snapping piranha is busy scrolling through Instagram on her phone. Like any abnormal six year old would.
"This is the best, Miss Fujioka," Rain says, her voice soft as a spring drizzle. Her square frames slide down her nose and she pushes them right back up. "Are we gonna play some Just Dance, next?"
Someina smiles warmly.
She liked this one.
"If that's what you want." She turns to Kaiko, wanting to laugh at the way she was licking her shiny fingers. "Its your party Kaiko-cake, so you get to decide."
"Ugh!" Daisy rolls her eyes, tapping angrily at her screen. "This guy from Australia messaged me. He keeps liking all my posts and sending me icky messages. But he's so ugly!"
"Huh? Let me see." Kaiko bounces over to look over her shoulder, but Daisy snatches it out of sight.
"No way! Why don't you go play your baby game and eat your fattening popcorn?"
Someina watches in shock as Kaiko dejectedly migrates back to Rain, going completely silent at the girl's reprimand.
She'd put up with the girl's attitude time and time again because she was Kaiko's friend.
But really, she isn't a friend at all.
She's nothing but a bully. And no one would treat her daughter like that.
No matter who they were.
Someina fishes her phone out of the pocket of her jean skirt and starts dialing. The beeps causing everyone to look in her direction.
"Who are you calling?" Daisy asks, fear creeping into her tone.
She presses the phone to her ear, tapping her foot as she waits three rings for the answer.
"Hello, this is Fujioka Someina. Yes...your daughter is with me."
She pauses to allow the woman on the other line to complain about her interrupting her facial before she cuts her off. "Your daughter has not only been disrespectful to Kaiko's father and I, but she has been putting my daughter down constantly. And I think its time that you pick her up."
Rain brings her hand up to her mouth, muttering, "Oh snap..."
Daisy springs up, clutching her own phone in a shaking little fist.
"I can't believe you're telling on me!" She screeches, stamping her feet. "Mommy won't care. She lets me do whatever I want."
Someina spares her a look, wearing a mask of indifference. "You may excuse your daughter's bratty behavior but I will not tolerate it. I want her out of my house as soon as possible. And if you're too busy to pick her up, then I suggest you arrange for your husband to be available at home for me to drop her off."
She listens again, jumping in with an occasional 'uh-huh' or a noise of disapproval. "Excellent. I will get her home within the next ten or fifteen minutes and I will be waiting on that official apology. Have a wonderful evening."
She hangs up, waving a hand forward. "Come on, Daisy. I'm taking you home."
"No!" She hollers, crumpling to the floor and kicking her feet. She smacks her fists against the carpet over and over. "You can't make me! I don't want to go home! I don't want to go!"
"What is happening?" Haru asks, stepping in just in time for Daisy's tantrum. "What is she dissatisfied with now?"
"She's upset that I'm taking her home. I've had it with her nasty attitude and her bullying our daughter."
Haru grips the doorknob, his eyes flashing angrily. "Bullying?"
"Daddy, please," Kaiko pleads, throwing her arms around her waist. "Daisy makes me mad. And she makes me sad sometimes. But she has no fun at her house. So can she stay with us for the night? If she's good from now on?"
Daisy swipes at her tears, scrambling to her feet. "I'll be a good girl! Just please let me stay at the party." She rubs her eyes as another wave of sobs wrack her body. "Please."
Someina and Haru exchange a glance and he grunts, showing he would go along with whatever she decided.
She stoops down to Kaiko's level, taking her hand. "Are you sure, Kaiko? Its really no problem."
"I'm sure, mama. I want Daisy to stay. But...she has to play Just Dance and eat popcorn with us. And anything else Rain and I want to do."
"Well Daisy? Which way is it?" Someina asks, her hand poised to make a call back to her mother.
She thinks it over with a pout, a lone tear sliding down her cheek. "Alright...I'll play the dumb game."
Someina nods once, calling the most recent number in her call history. "Then its settled."
...
Haru had been extremely busy recently what with therapy, starting engineering school, and being shouldered with extra shifts at the garage since Yuki's position had yet to be filled. It made for a convenient excuse to put off talking to him about what went on at the store the night of the slumber party. And really, she was scared. Because she knew what a major part of Haru's heart Rin occupied in the past. And she didn't want to entertain the idea of him having any lingering feelings or regrets.
Especially when they just renewed a soul tie that had already existed between them. One that made the idea of him leaving her or growing cold that much more daunting than ever before.
But she would.
She would talk to him...
At some point.
Even though he'd progressively developed darker eye circles from repeated sleep deprivation, he was still trying his best to be present. He would read Kaiko to sleep, before studying or going to work. And he would pre-prepare meals for them just to keep up with things. But as he walked through the front door tonight, it was if a distant stranger had appeared instead. Not the same dedicated, loving father and boyfriend that did all those things.
No...this was like night and day.
Someina had been stretched out on the couch with a novel she'd bought on her recent book haul a couple days ago. It was a mystery blended with romance. And it was the perfect distraction from her worries. Her eyes were glued to the page as a debonair hero whisked off his elegant bride when a hand grabbed the top of the book and lifted it out of her hands.
What the—
She looks up, watching as Haru lays it across the nearby end table, his dark eyes meeting hers. And as she looks at him, immediately, her body reacts. He was different in a way that she couldn't quite place, though it seemed the rest of her had some ideas.
"Miss me, sweetheart?" He asks, his voice low and smooth like silk. "We meet again."
That voice.
That tone...
"Are you trying to get me in trouble with your parents?"
She bites down on her lip, only to have him draw it back out with his thumb.
"I didn't say I didn't like it."
"What are you talking about? Is this some kind of...joke?"
He snorts, moving around the couch to plop down beside her, kicking his boots up on the coffee table in front of them. "You really did forget, huh? Even though I had you first."
Forget what?! Would he stop playing with her and get to the point?
"Haru...please."
He sucks in through his teeth, shaking his head. "Man its still hot when you beg. That idiot doesn't know anything. How to please you...how to treat you." He rolls his eyes, before his gaze clings to hers. "It took him way too long to get you back in bed."
"I don't understand."
With an aggravated sigh he elaborates. "I'm a side effect of childhood trauma." He pauses for effect. Letting that fill the space as if that was all the introduction she could need. "Which you should be able to appreciate, being a shrink. I'm kept hidden when he takes those stupid pills, and I don't get to have my fun. He enjoys the chaos just like I do. But he buries it because he thinks he'll scare you if he doesn't."
What did it mean, then?
If Haru was acting like this did he skip his meds?
Is this an expression of bipolar disorder or a side effect of not sleeping much for several days?
"Haru," she tries, very delicately. "Why are you acting like this? Help me understand because I'm really, really confused right now."
He runs a gloved hand through his tossed and tousled hair. "He's been so exhausted and so busy he forgot his medicine twice and its been a headache. I'm electric with how much energy and thoughts are coming at once. Though its not as bad because I'm coming down a bit from an episode."
She blows out a long breath and wonders if there was someone she should call about this.
Her therapist gave her a number if she ever had a crisis on her hands.
But this wasn't one.
...She didn't think.
"What's on that beautiful mind of yours?" He asks, using his thumb to tilt her head towards him. "You always think too hard and feel too little." His gaze drops to her form-fitting nightgown. And the way he bites his lip makes her feel like she'd dressed scandalously.
Like she was in that perfect purple lingerie.
His hands smooth over her knees, parting them.
"That's what I wanted to show you five years ago." He leans in and brushes his lips over the corner of her mouth, his palm running the length of her thigh as her eyes fell shut. "How to let go..."
He sucks her ear lobe between his teeth, loving the way she shivers against him.
Making the sophisticated and sweet Someina come undone only for him.
"Its so much better when I'm at the wheel isn't it, baby? The sex is better too...less tame."
"Haru...you're tired. You need to" Her words cut off with a moan that she tries to muffle as she shoves her face into his shoulder. Enjoying the way his thumb teased her inner thigh and skimmed the line of her underwear.
"I want you more than I want sleep, sweet thing. And by the sound of it...you want me too."
She throws her head back against the couch and he moves to the floor in front of her. His hands parting her thighs so that they wrapped tightly around his waist. She stares down at him hazily as he captures her lips between his. Kissing her with a force that made her forget her own name.
All that mattered was his right now.
"H-Haru," she breathes out between sensual kiss after kiss. But it only stirs him more because his name on her lips turned him on like nothing else. She worked like an unyielding aphrodisiac.
"Remember me?" He asks, thrusting his hips forward in a teasing motion. "Remember that I said I like to earn my moans instead of rushing them?" He laughs like its the most outrageous concept.
That was the version of him that wanted to make love.
But that wasn't what you called what he liked to do.
"I..." She throws a hand up between them, pushing him back lightly to open up some space. "I can't, Haru."
He sits back on his heels, scowling. "That's not what you said the other day, cutie. Come on...what, you'll only do me if I'm sober and medicate? Is that it?"
She breathes out forcefully and straightens her nightgown, knowing her face was badly flushed by now. "That's not it and you know it."
"Then what? What's the problem?" His hands land right back on her knees, though he doesn't touch her any further. "I'm the classic bipolar, right? Unbalanced sexual urges and anger problems. A hyper insomniac. You probably think I only want to sleep with you because I'm like this."
She shakes her head. "No...I know you're attracted to me. Just like how I am with you. But now is the wrong time to act on those feelings. And its not because you got off your meds. But its because its unhealthy for you to be exhausted for this long and I need us to have a conversation. Without everything else in between."
He turns and falls back between her knees, resting his head against the couch cushion in the middle. The exhaustion that ringed his eyes seemed almost tangible to him at this point as his vision blurred slightly. "I'm so...so tired, Som."
"I know..." she runs a comforting hand through his hair, making him close his eyes as it soothed him. "I know, Haru."
"I don't think I can sleep. My mind is racing..." He takes her other hand, drawing it to his mouth and just letting it rest there. "I'll take the medicine in the morning. But I need something right now. It feels like I'm tied to a ball and chain and am sinking to the bottom of an endless ocean."
"You can borrow some melatonin from my medicine cabinet," she whispers, still brushing her hand through his unruly mane. "Other sleep aids might do more harm than good with how your brain works. But the best thing is for you take 10mg and lay somewhere quiet and try to focus your breathing...calm your mind down a little bit."
"Would a warm bath help?"
She smiles softly, leaning forward to kiss the top of his head. "Its worth a try. I'll go run the water and add some lavender mineral oil. It always helps me when I can't sleep."
He nods, laying a peck on her hand. "Thank you."
...
When Someina walks back into therapy for the first time in almost two months, she feels like new.
Instead of dying her hair back, she got the color touched up and chopped it so that it was in an asymmetrical bob. She wasn't sure how she felt about it yet. But the idea of getting a helix piercing that her new haircut could show off made her settle into her choice with a smile.
She finally found a new clinic to intern under and would be starting work as early as the following Monday. A woman who'd been a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist for over thirty years had an opening once one of her assistants went on maternity leave. And it would be a three month gig with the potential to become full time.
She and Haru agreed to scheduling their appointments on separate days, though they were fine sharing about some sessions and keeping others to themselves. It was healthy and it worked for them to have some openness and some boundaries.
Her therapist was just as excited for her, if not more so.
"This sounds promising! You're making beautiful progress."
Someina nods with enthusiasm, feeling a weight coming off her shoulders in more ways than one. "I feel that way too. Its like my life has been in a fog for a long time. And I'm finally climbing high enough that I can see over it, breathe in the air. Remember there's a sky..."
"Yes, its natural to experience some level of a dissociative episode when suffering depression, anxiety, PTSD...I'm glad that you're beginning to reach a breakthrough." Miss Briar jots this down. "Do you have any techniques to snap yourself out of these moments?"
Someina takes a bite out a strawberry, having felt comfortable enough to indulge in a bowl of fruit she'd put out for her. "No, actually...would it be similar to breaking out of a panic attack? To ground me in moments of depersonalization?"
"You're spot on. You see...there are times when we may be so immersed in fantasy, like in the cases of maladaptive daydreaming, that we need something to anchor us back in reality. It can be a sound, a word, a visual. It can even be a texture or an object that can clear that fog you mentioned." Miss Briar reaches below her chair for a fuzzy hot pink pillow before passing it off to Someina. "Tell me how that feels to you."
She runs her fingers through its tufts, reminding her distinctly of dog fur. Or, maybe, something you'd find in a craft store.
"I think its really soft...and almost hairy."
She nods. "Some clients have a childhood blanket or stuffed animal. Feeling the fabric or the fur can bring them comfort because its often their emotional support item from their adolescence. Others may hold onto a t-shirt that holds a smell to remind them of a loved one in their present. Different things work for different people."
"That's so interesting," Someina muses, hugging the pillow to herself. "Maybe that would be good for me."
Miss Briar smiles, mischievously. "I was hoping you would say that, because that my dear is going to be your next homework assignment."
"Ugh," she mock groans. "I thought I graduated college to be free of homework. Now you're sucking me right back in."
"It shouldn't be too difficult, I hope," she says with a laugh. "But I want you to take time before our next session to find your item of choice. A painting, a song, a cologne, a bracelet, a pillow...whatever you think will be a strong enough tether to your present whenever you enter into a dissociative episode."
"To remind me to come back?"
"To remind you that you're not still in that point of trauma. That it is over and that you're here." She closes her notebook and leans forward, clasping her hands. "Something people often do is look backwards or forwards. They rarely look right in front of them. So they miss out on what's happening in the now. Their life completely rolls on like a movie. Sometimes they glance up, barely paying attention."
Someina nods in agreement, fidgeting with the pillow in her lap.
"I got one hard conversation out of the way with him. But..." She swallows a sigh, not wanting to sound defeatist in front of a woman that had positivity posters plastered on several walls of her office.
She looks to her right, reading a greyscale poster with white calligraphy about being forthcoming.
'Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect if from cheap people.'
"But..." Miss Briar presses, peeling back a pistachio from a huge black bag beside her. "Don't leave me hanging, dear. Cliffhangers are truly the bane of my existence."
"The thing is that Haru and I were both in committed relationships before we were back in each other's lives. Well, the other half of his relationship encountered him at the store recently."
"Ooh." She purses her lips, like she felt the sting of that one. "How'd it go? Did you have an uncomfortable confrontation with his ex?"
"That's just it. I didn't see them together. So I don't know if it stayed strictly platonic, or if he dipped her like a sailor a planted a kiss on her that would make any woman jealous. I don't—"
"—know," Miss Briar finishes, peering down at her with a severe look on her face. "You don't know, hon. You can't make assumptions about things you don't see with your own two eyes. And even then, your perception can be manipulated by personal bias."
That much she did know.
Eyewitness testimonies were flawed for that very same reason. Practically inadmissible in court cases because of how inaccurate they could be.
"Did he tell you what happened?"
She shakes her head, hugging the pillow to her chest. "No..."
"Are you planning to ask him at least?"
Some things you're better off not knowing.
At least then, you can pretend the best scenario is the thing that happened. Rather than brave the reality that might be the ugly, bitter opposite.
"Y'know, I have a lot of quotes everywhere. They're all using different words but are ultimately saying the same thing; honesty is the best policy. But I also believe that honesty is the highest form of intimacy. Its something that everyone should have, but it is also because the truth should bring you closer together."
It can.
It even has...
But sometimes it only serves to push you further apart.
...
May
Before she had a free moment to ask him anything, something else stood between them.
And that something was taunting her from the bathroom counter, a very obvious pink and white stick.
This wasn't her first period scare.
Even before Kaiko, she experienced irregular periods every now and then. Sometimes she'd miss it by an entire month. And others by a week. But it was fast approaching two months since her last one. And she was starting to panic.
Especially when she and Haru weren't exactly careful about it.
Even if they remembered the condom, it could have been ripped like it had the first time when he opened it with his teeth. And it would have still landed them here all the same.
She felt so, so stupid for being in such a hurry that day.
For being so busy.
For relying on his pull out game when it was never a perfect method.
She should have checked then.
Her hands shake as she sits on the closed toilet. Elbows digging into her thighs and her fists propping up her chin as she stares blankly at the fuzzy red rug beneath her feet. She tries to focus on the sensation of the carpet. Much like her therapist taught her about grounding herself.
Maybe this rug would be her item of choice, the answer to her therapy homework.
As her timer ticks down the seconds she runs her feet over the rug, feeling the threads between her toes as she tries to think about nothing at all. Not her career, not the money, not the pregnancy test, not the potential baby...
She groans as she leans forward, holding her head.
She was just telling Haru that she didn't know if she could ever do it again.
She loved being Kaiko's mom. But she hated what it took to become that.
Her phone releases a loud chime like an exhale and she jumps, standing up with her legs trembling like her knees were trying to drum a beat against each other.
As she grips the bathroom counter, she hangs her head with her eyes squeezed shut. Fear going for broke through her entire body as she swallows back a surge of nausea.
Her icy blue eyes slowly, slowly drift open and they find themselves in the mirror.
She was seventeen again, facing her past self even though this was so completely different.
Just like she did five years ago...she looks at the pink and white stick.
And like that girl, she collapses to the floor and folds her body into a fetal position. Trying to comfort herself because no one else could be there for her as she became a mother for the second time.
I want to take this moment to thank you all who still support this story to this day! Its been a year and some change since the last chapter, but I do hope this comes as a lovely reintroduction to this story. And that its everything you could want.
I admit.
This used to be a story I struggled to write. It was seemed like it was too much to tackle and, at times, a chore. But as I got deeper into the story and learned the characters on new levels...the more immersed I became in writing this. And now, its one of my all time favorites.
Thank you for enjoying it in its infancy stages.
Thank you for enjoying it in its impromptu hiatuses.
And thank you for your patience in between chapters.
I'll see you guys for the next one! ^_^