Throne of Cards 8 – A Curse Reversed

The reason why three wishes is the traditional magical number is that usually the wisher doesn't make it for long enough to make a fourth.

Excerpt from 'Ruminations Of A Master Bard'

"Tell me again why I should set you free?" Kiser Jhaeri said as a small smile creased his lips.

"Because it's wrong to keep sentient beings trapped in a cage, or sell them to some maniac collector of novelties?" Zaerini offered, her tiny hands clutching the bars of the cage. She didn't think it would convince her captor, but it couldn't hurt to try.

"Ha! Good one!" Kiser said, his entire belly jumping up and down as he laughed. "Oh, you slay me, you really do. I'll ask at least 1000 gold pieces for you, my little pet." He raised the glass of red wine he was holding to his lips and took a slow drink, winking at her as he did so. "No, make that 2000."

"There can be no price set on Heroes such as Minsc and Boo and Little Rini!" Minsc protested. "Boo tells me that we shall roam free across the open plains of Rasheman long after this greasy merchant has been delivered to his grave by the swift application of Justice's mighty boot to his swelling backside."

For a long, horrible moment, Rini thought that Kiser might decide to simply squish the two of them. His giant face flushed an angry red, but then he snorted and chuckled again.

"Make that 3000," He stated. "I think some gladiator games will cool the temper of this mighty miniature warrior. Perhaps a battle against a feral cat would slow him down some, hm?" There was a faint, jingling sound from off in the distance, and Kiser frowned and then shrugged. "Ah, potential customers. It seems I must leave you for now, my new little treasures." He grinned. "Don't go anywhere, now!"

Not very likely, Zaerini thought as she slumped down on the floor. Gods, I wish I'd never laid eyes on that damned monkey paw. She instantly pressed her hand against her mouth, to make sure she hadn't said it out loud and given the cursed artifact another chance to cause her trouble. But no, nothing seemed to have happened this time, so she must have managed to keep her mouth shut. Phew. I'm not sure how the monkey paw could make this situation worse, but I'm sure it'd find a way.

Not that it wasn't bad enough as it was. She and Minsc were currently mouse-sized, and trapped along with Boo in a cage which smelled as if rodents had lived in it before. There was some straw on the floor, a bowl of water, and bars which were just a bit too tightly spaced for her to squeeze between them. She couldn't budge them either, and nor could Minsc. The cage was sitting in the middle of a table in what appeared to be an inner storeroom of Kiser's shop. There were crates along the walls, and shelves stocked with precious glassware, bolts of cloth and what she thought was containers of various spices.

"Boo says that Little Rini mustn't worry," Minsc said. He gave her shoulder a gentle pat. "Not even the dastardly traps and cages of the Most Evil Wizard could contain us for long, and we are even greater heroes now than we were then."

"We're actually much smaller heroes now than we were then," Rini said with a sigh. Just thinking about Irenicus was enough to make her shudder. I can't go through something like that again. I think I might lose my mind. "I don't see how anything we've learnt since then is going to help us get past these bars, we'd need to be much stronger and…" The half-elf fell silent, staring at the bars in thought. "Minsc," She said. "I've got an idea."

"Yes, Little Rini?"

"Well…I just had a thought." A quick grin flashed across the bard's face. "I think it's time to find out just how strong I can get at this size."

Before, the Slayer had mostly been something that just happened to her, the avatar breaking the surface of her mind in moments of extreme stress or anger. She knew she could summon it on purpose though, she'd done that in the Underdark in order to break through a door too powerful for mortal strength. And I promised the others I'd avoid using it as much as possible. This is an emergency though. And I'm sure I can control it better this time. Yes, the Bhaalpower was more under her control these days. If she could summon a whole pocket plane of her own, why not master the Slayer as well? Well, here goes nothing.

She made sure to focus on the cage, and only the cage, ignoring Minsc and Boo. The last thing she wanted was to hurt them, but as long as they stayed behind her while she transformed it should be fine. This wasn't like the first time when she'd been lost and confused, this time she knew what she was doing – more or less. She opened her mind, feeling tendrils of red, spiky anger and twisty black hatred snaking through it. Mine. They won't rule me. Nobody and nothing will rule me. The bars of the cage, shutting her in, taunting her. I WILL be free! Her skin was prickling as fur grew, her nails elongated into sharp claws, the power was rushing through her, filling her with enormous strength and power. As she threw herself at the cage her mouth opened in a mighty roar, which at her current size came out more as the growl of a very angry kitten.

The bars, they were bending, twisting, and finally giving way. The Slayer stumbled out of the cage with a furious 'mrowwww', searching for something to kill. Somebody had shut her in a cage, and that somebody should pay for it! Her claws scraped the wooden surface of the table as she hunched down, sniffing the air. The stench of her captor was thick in the air, but there was another, hidden scent of another human, mixed with metal and rock.

"Ha ha!" Minsc cried out as he stepped out of the cage, pausing only to help pull Boo's rather plump rear end through the hole. "The fury of the berserker warms the blood, does it not? It makes the limbs strong and fast, and makes the heart pound, and the warrior conquer. But now the Evil Cage has fallen, and it is time for heroes to move on."

"Rrrr?" The Slayer said, momentarily confused by the words flowing from the human in front of her.

"Yes, Minsc knows," Minsc said, nodding sagely. "Many times has the calming influence of Boo been all that brought me back from the brink. Here, Little Rini must let us help."

The Slayer found herself staring into the round, black eyes of the hamster, even as Minsc patted her gently on the head, then moving on to scritch her ears. Part of her wanted to turn around and snap at the hands touching her, but another part was purring contentedly. And those black eyes were…distracting. Deep, so deep, and there was a light there, she could almost see it, and shapes moving…

"Huh?" Zaerini said, reaching up to rub at her aching head. She was sitting on the table, and Boo was staring down at her – why was that worrying her all of a sudden? The hamster's nose twitched and he looked calmly back at her, entirely his normal self. But she'd seen…something. Hadn't she? She couldn't remember what it was. Ok, maybe I can't control the Slayer as well as I'd hoped. If it messes with my head like this that's another good reason to avoid it.

"Ah, Little Rini is back!" Minsc beamed, pulling her to her feet in a fierce hug. "All better now?"

"Oh, yes, thanks Minsc," She said, smiling in return. "And thanks for helping me get back to normal. It really did help." She turned around and felt the warm glow of contentment in her belly as she watched the twisted bars. Miniature Mighty Slayer, that's me. "Well, we're out of the cage. We still need to get out of this room though."

"And take vengeance on the Evil Kiser!"

"Um, sure. Somehow." Rini pulled the monkey paw out of her pocket and gave it a dark look. "This is all his fault too. This thing came from him to start with. I wi…I mean, we should try to get back at him. A taste of his own medicine, know what I mean?"

Minsc frowned. "We make the Evil Kiser drink monkey medicine?"

"No Minsc, I mean we should find a way to give it back to him and…" Rini broke off, her eyes widening as the thought struck her in a lightning flash of inspiration. "Yes!" She crowed with delight. "You've got it Minsc! That's exactly what we should do!"

Kiser Jhaeri was a man in a very good mood as he hurried towards the front of his shop. The two pixies, or homunculi, or…well whatever they were they would surely fetch an excellent price once he could find a prospective buyer. Admittedly, that would be a little difficult in Saradush right now, but it wasn't as if he was planning to stay here for much longer. Unlike the other citizens, Kiser had a choice, and he intended to make good use of it before the entire city was turned to rubble by the invading fire giants. Only good business, nothing personal. Anybody would have done the same thing. The giants and their immortal leader were clearly more powerful than the poor saps trying to defend the walls, so who would want to beat on a losing team? Not Kiser Jhaeri. And the best way to ensure he was on the winning team had been to offer his helpful services. A few wellplaced and intelligently cursed items, and the defenders had crumbled one by one, victims of convenient 'accidents'. Yaga Shura had appreciated that, or so his agent had told Kiser. The wall would come down soon enough, as would the magical defenses, and by then Kiser would be well away and well rewarded. The little seeds of chaos he'd sewn within the city guards were just the icing on the cake. Always bet on the winning team. He smiled when he saw the customer who had entered his shop. A wizard, and a wealthy one at that, judging by his intricately decorated magerobes and the glittering staff slung across his shoulder. And a Red Wizard of Thay, somebody bound to be interested in Kiser's rare items.

"Kiser Jhaeri?" The man said in haughty tones which Kiser didn't particularly appreciate. He kept smiling though, for the sake of good business.

"I am, good sir," He said, bowing. "And how may I be of service to you?"

"I understand you are a merchant of some small renown in this city," The man said, looking down his nose at Kiser. "A purveyor of curios and magical trifles."

"Oh, surely not, good sir!" Kiser protested. "I assure you, my wares are all of the highest quality, and I dare say there are secrets in my storeroom which would amaze and intrigue you."

"Not mere trinkets then?" The wizard asked, his dark eyes fixed on Kiser's face. "Not laughable attempts at curses and jinxes which in Thay would serve only as party favours for children?"

"Why y…no, no good sir. Not at all." Kiser made himself smile again, although he could feel it cracking a little at the edges. I'll make you shut up and goggle in amazement, you son of a dog and a harpy! "Why, in my storeroom I have at this very minute a pair of very rare Rashemani pixies, highly magical and much sought after! Whether for pets of for spell components, sir is bound to be satisfied!"

"Rashemani pixies?" The Red Wizard said, his eyebrows rising nearly to his hairline. "Very well. You may fetch me these pixies, and we shall see how much they are worth. (The scoundrel will certainly try to sell me animated clayfigures, as if I hadn't learnt that spell before I was ten. I'm sure he doesn't even know how to make them do backflips.)"

Kiser could feel his teeth clenching tightly together, and bowed deeply so that the potential customer wouldn't be able to see the state of his smile. He backed into the storeroom, absently reached for the wineglass on the table and emptied it to calm his nerves. Then he turned towards the cage, and felt his legs sagging a little. Empty! How could this be? He was sure it had been tightly locked, and sturdy enough. "No…" He muttered. "Where are you?" There was no reply, of course. But the creatures were small, and they couldn't have got out of the room. He bent down on hands and knees and tried to peek under the furniture.

"Kneeling before your betters, I see? How appropriate." The maddening wizard had strolled into Kiser's storeroom as if he owned the place, and there was an infinitely annoying little smirk on his face. "And where are these amazing pixies of yours, hm?"

"This is not a customer area," Kiser angrily retorted as he got to his feet. His face felt quite hot now, he was getting a splitting headache and his stomach was tight and queasy. "I must insist that sir waits in the shop."

"But perhaps there are other magical artifacts than pixies present on the premises," The Red Wizard mused, stroking his beard. "You are, of course, aware that the Red Wizards of Thay are the finest purveyors of magical items in all the world." The smirk had turned downright unpleasant now, cold and ominous. "And my sources tell me that some of the trinkets you peddle have in fact been stolen from us. Shall I explain to you what Red Wizards do to people who dare to steal from them?"

"N-no," Kiser protested. "I assure you, that is lies and slander!" Part of him wanted to take a flying leap and try to throttle the obnoxious fellow, but the man was a Red Wizard after all. "None of my goods are stolen," He insisted. At least not from any Red Wizards, that I'm aware of. "You may see for yourself. Your crafters always place a magical signature on their wares, is it not so?"

"Yes indeed," The Red Wizard nodded. "So, a full inspection of the premises would seem to be in order. It will of course include the hidden storerooms and passages."

"Hidden storerooms?" Kiser blankly said. I can't let him see those! If he does, he'll see the prisoner. He might not care, but if he should take an interest it could be disastrous.

"Obviously. The measurements of the house itself do not fit with the size of the rooms. Also, it is a wellknown practise, so let's not go into the tedium of your miserable attempts at dissembling, shall we?" The wizard studied his carefully manicured nails for a moment, and a few small sparks leapt off them. "That would undoubtedly bore me, and I'm sure we wouldn't wish that?"

"Wouldn't wish…" Kiser growled. He was past all caution now, desperation and frustration fighting for supremacy within him. "I wish I'd never have to lay eyes on or listen to you again, you….you plague of an impertinent wizard! Argh! You're unbearably annoying! I wish for misfortune and indignity to fall upon you and…and…" He clutched at his forehead, closing his eyes. "And I wish to be rid of the migraine you've given me!"

The headache was getting even worse, his head was filling with white noise and his fingers were shaking and twitching as he pressed them to his forehead, trying to regain control. His mouth widened in a surprised 'Oh' when his fingers felt bones cracking, sliding, and finally….

There was a sound as of a rock hitting a large melon, and then there was utter silence for perhaps half a minute. Edwin slowly pulled an embroidered handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his face and hair, taking great care to get rid of everything even remotely wet or chunky. "Well," He finally said to himself, once he was certain he wouldn't get anything in his mouth. He looked down at the corpse on the floor. Below the neck, Kiser was intact. Above the neck, the less was said the better. "That was unusal." I can't say I recall that happening before. Not from just talking . I know Father once said I was the only person he knew who was capable of driving a perfect stranger to either suicide or homicide within five minutes, but spontaneous explosion? He looked down at himself. "Oh, curses! These robes were newly washed too, how will I ever get the stains out?!"

"Eddie!" The voice began as a tiny squeak, befitting a mouse, but before the word was finished it was normal, familiar, and infinitely welcome. There was a ripping, creaking sound, and a coat hanging on a hook on the wall seemed to follow Khiser's example and disintegrated into a few sorry shreds as a half-elf, a barbarian and a hamster burst out of it.

"Hellkitten?!" Edwin gasped, and barely had time to catch his lover as she hurled herself into his arms. "Where did you…I mean…careful, you wouldn't want to get this on your clothes."

"Don't care," Zaerini decisively said and then she planted a warm kiss right on his lips. "Your face is clean at least. I'm so glad to see you, you've no idea what we've been through!"

"Minsc and Boo and Little Rini were very tiny," The annoying ranger offered, smiling foolishly as he petted his rodent. "Well, not Boo, he was still Boo-sized, which is a very fitting size for a hamster. It was all because of the Evil Kiser and his monkey paw, but the day is saved, and hooray for the Not So Evil Wizard for distracting the fiend! Then we hid in his pockets and now we are all better with the spell broken!"

"Monkey paw?" Edwin asked, his brain only partially focused on the conversation as the rest of him was enjoying the very close company of his most favourite Bhaalspawn. "Spell? Distracting?"

"Long story," Zaerini said. "There was this monkey paw with a curse on, and I may have been a teeny bit careless and…wow I'm sure it's really late, we'd better get going…"

"Curse?! You know better than to tangle with cursed items, I know you do!"

"Accident." She smiled up at him, shaking her red hair out of her eyes. "And all's well that ends well. See, when you rang the doorbell I could sneak the monkey paw into his wine, so when he drank that it became his property again. I figured we'd hide and sooner or later he'd wish for something and curse himself. I just didn't know it'd be that messy. But how did you know how to come rescue us here?"

"I…ah…I didn't. I was investigating the premises because the man was suspected of being a traitor to the city, and as long as we are forced to remain within this hideous blot on the landscape I prefer it not to be sacked and razed, thank you." He reached up to curl his fingers in her hair, and then traced the contour of her ear with his finger. "Now I am infinitely glad I decided to do so, of course."

"Mmm, so am I."

"So are Minsc and Boo! Grouphugs for everybody!"

"No! Put us down this instant, you horrible, lumbering ape! And take that hamster out of my ear!"

"Hello? Is anybody out there? Hello? Can you hear me? I am Sergeant Ardic, can you let me out please?"

The last voice was an unfamiliar one, and it came from behind the wall. It made all three adventurers startle briefly, but then Edwin snapped his fingers and nodded.

"Ah yes, of course. That would be the murdered man."

Zaerini gave him a long look. "He sounds awfully lively for a murdered man."

"Well of course he isn't actually murdered," Edwin said a little irritably. "Kiser Jhaeri must have simply abducted him in order to pin the blame on guard captain investigating his involvement in the other deaths. (I wonder why he didn't actually murder him if he went to all that trouble? Very illogical.)"

Zaerini looked at him for a moment longer, and then she gave him a grin and patted his cheek. "Well, you'd better go let him out then. I'm sure he'll want to thank the hero of the hour. Promise not to let him kiss you though. That's just for me."

Hero…oh no. Not this again! Haven't I been embarrassed enough? And Edwin sighed as he understood that Kiser Jhaeri had in fact got all his wishes granted.