Luxembourg, April
"This city is evil. Wait, is it a city? It's a country right? It doesn't even matter because whatever it is, it's beyond reality known to man." Rey paused mid-rant to gather her breath, somberly adding "This is it. We've reached the next stop. We're officially in the Twilight Zone."
Finn eyed her wearily. "Are you high? I don't really think pot is legal here."
She scoffed and narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh, I think they add it in the air conditioning on purpose. They're all either high or on government-mandated Prozac prescriptions."
"Elaborate," Rose managed to utter between huge bites of her organic whole-wheat bagel. They were having brunch at some vegan hipster joint in the old town Finn had dug up on La Fourchette. Rey sighed before digging into the plump portobello burger she had ordered and didn't hesitate to rattle on with her mouth full: "The cab driver that just dropped me off spoke five languages and owned horses for fuck's sake, but still leisurely drove the cab, and I quote, to meet interesting people."
"Now that you bring it up, it is a bit odd." Finn pondered with a slight frown. "I went inside the Town Hall to find a loo and there was a big basket of apples in the lobby with a note literally saying Help yourself, have a nice day."
"When I tried to pay the bus fare, the driver told me there was no need." Rey continued fuelling their dual hysteria. "I asked why. He looked at me like I had grown another head and reminded me, in perfect English I might add, that I was in Luxembourg, where all public transportation is free."
"Poe and I went on a late-night date yesterday to catch a movie and when we came out of the theatre at midnight, I swear to God you could smell the forest."
"The cashiers ask how your day's going so far."
"They all smile."
"I'm telling you, the country's evil," Rey sat back in her chair with a grim expression. "It's like that horror movie with the little girl in the alternate reality where life was perfect except they all had buttons instead of eyes and then everyone died."
Rose rolled her eyes "You're both idiots. It was a Pixar movie for kids and no one died. It's not evil, it's just a really rich country." She finished her plate completely ignoring their scowling at her and Finn theatrically mouthing at Rey "I believe you."
It was cloudy and crisp, gusts of wind tousling their hair and the tree branches above. The scene was oddly serene, and Rey found herself basking in this unexpected serenity. She had been restless since leaving Romania 10 days ago, now positive that Ben was actively ignoring her. There had been no more lunches, he had bought her no more coffees, and every time she tried to steal a moment with him for any kind of meaningless conversation, he seemed to either be late for some appointment or needing to find Hux or Poe or whoever for urgent administrative purposes. The reason for this remained an enigma, as she was for once unable to find any single argument or insult or offence at her part to have triggered such a reaction.
She mustered all the nonchalance she could before casually launching the question she was aching to ask since being seated at the damn table.
"Hey, have you guys seen Ben? I needed to talk to him about some stuff but I haven't seen him since yesterday."
Finn shrugged, as blissfully unsuspecting as ever. "Yeah, Poe said he left for Bruxelles directly after the show, we'll meet up with him there tomorrow."
"Oh." She took another bite of hear meal. It felt drier than before.
"What did you want to talk to him about? Anything important?" Rose questioned innocently, making her ashamed of the lie she was about to deliver.
"No, not at all. Just some nonsense about the opening positions."
Bruxelles, April
"I know exactly where we're going."
"Rey, you have no idea where you're going," Poe sighed while dragging along a completely confused Finn who was turning his Iphone upside down in an attempt to negotiate a rerouting on Waze.
"I have a very good idea where we're going, just in case anyone cares to hear my opinion," Hux waved at them from behind, mid-way between irritated and resigned.
"No!" the others chorused in exasperation. Hux's penchant for pedantic tour guiding had been so annoying they couldn't care less even if he was right and they ended up in Germany on foot.
"Well it's the bloody opposite direction," he sourly grunted nonetheless.
"No, I'm telling you, the train station is straight ahead."
"It's actually next to the European Comission, Rey," her co-lead resignedly informed her. "You know, the big building, lots of flags."
Rey spun around giving him an alarmed stare. "But that's the other way around! Oh, don't look at me like that, like you know where we are right now."
Poe stared her down. "I do. We're in Schaerbeek. People get stabbed in Schaerbeek."
"Oh quit being so dramatic, I'm sure it's perfectly safe. Look! There's food over there!"
They all dredged their feet behind her toward an inconspicuous square that hosted a small farmer's market. The air smelled deliciously like ethnic food, there were food-trucks selling dhal, Hungarian pastry, freshly baked bread and Italian cheese, while locals were huddled around a makeshift bar slurping craft beers and prosecco flutes.
"Place des Chasseurs Ardennais," Hux read off a plaque. "Never heard of it."
"Thank God!" "Thank fuck," Finn and Poe groaned synchronously not even bothering to spare his feelings and keep their voices down.
Half an hour later, bellies full of Pad Thai and bratwurst, they found themselves seated on the sidewalk among various types of alcohol containers, soaking up the sun.
"Ben said he wanted to have dinner with the two of us tonight, go over the schedule for next week," Poe broke the comfortable silence to speak to Hux over Rey's head, brutally waking her from her mid-day reverie. She tried not to flinch while tuning into the conversation.
"Yeah, he told me," the redhead drawled, not bothering to open his eyes. "Where is he anyway? I've barely seen him since Luxembourg. Think he's with Bazine?"
While replaying the moment later in her head, it felt like an eternity had passed before she had properly digested the words, so she couldn't be sure Poe had indeed taken his time before answering: "Possibly." What she was sure of, on the other hand, was the inquisitive look he gave her afterwards, something between cautious and concerned with a dash of curiosity.
She had too hard of a time tackling the void in her stomach to think much of it. She clung to Amilyn's words ("Do not interpret facts according to your fears. The truth is unequivocal therefore simple, do your best to stick to it."). She did do her best. Bazine was an unusual name. Could have been a guy. His aunt. A business associate. A polar bear he sponsored at the local zoo. She would stick to the facts. Even if the fact was Ben was avoiding her but spending all his spare time with another person. Or polar bear.
Istanbul, April
They were rehearsing for the last performance in the Turkish metropolis, which had them all somewhat on edge. The critical reception had been astounding, which both soothed their egos and put extra pressure for an immaculate closing show. They all wanted to get it right. The performance hall buzzed with excitement and anticipation, dancers and crew either stretching, fine-tuning the floor work and sound.
Ben felt reasonably content. His dancers had tapped into his imagined rhythm, the legwork was impeccable and everything fell in place logically and cohesively. The urge to take on a new project was stronger than ever, as it always was when he watched one of his pieces molded to perfection.
He had just wrapped up going through some finishing touches with the lighting director when he saw Rey advancing towards him with a fierce look that spelled "good luck bailing out this time." She was sweaty as hell, tank top soaked, her hair tied in a haphazard bun on top of her head, errant strands plastered to her face. She looked human and strong. Beautiful.
He needed to keep his distance from her. Before he could come up with a remotely plausible excuse, she was already speaking.
"Can we talk? It'll only take a minute ..."
Excuse. Plausible. He had been late for something the last three times. About to go into an urgent Zoom meeting before that. Once he had even faked a hangover. Now, however, his brain refused to find another lie to serve her. He sighed inwardly.
"Yeah, sure."
"Are you mad at me?"
He tried to keep the many feelings from coursing over his traitorously expressive face. Anger, doubt and hunger at the top, something different and dangerous simmering underneath. Attempting to mask it all under an aggravated expression, he answered tersely.
"Why would I be mad?"
Rey gave him an exasperated stare. "I have absolutely no fucking clue. I've given it thought. A lot ... of thought. I have nothing. You've been avoiding me for weeks."
Ok, so clearly he hadn't been that smooth after all. Yes, he had been avoiding her. Most arduously. The day he admitted what it was he wanted had been his doom. He wanted her. Wanted to fuck her, yes, because she was gorgeous and sassy and well, utterly fuckable, but that wasn't even the beginning of what he wanted. He wanted to possess her. Be entitled to wipe her sweat off and tuck her hair in and kiss her hands and breathe her in until he would feel her coursing through his bloodstream. Have her paint her nails on his couch when he came home at night, be entitled to punch every man who dared smile at her the wrong way, have a say in what she ate for dinner. Have power over her. Make her need him, long for him. Repeat one word over and over until he would devour, consume, melt into her. Mine.
He kept looking down at her, searching for words to describe why he was no good for her, until he finally gave up, realizing there were none because the truth wasn't an answer he could give and a lie was something that would never do her justice.
"On second thoughts," she spoke again, her words tense and her voice strained, "please don't say anything because it'll probably be something hurtful and I'm really done hurting."
She was sad, he could feel it through the space between them.
"I know we're not friends. I know I shouldn't expect anything from you, let alone your company, although I sometimes felt like you didn't mind mine."
If only you knew ...
"I only wanted to say that I know something is off and I'd prefer you just told me if I did or said anything to upset you. And if you don't want to tell me, it's also fine, just ... know that it wasn't intentional."
She was apologizing. He was being the utmost ass on the continent and she was the one making amends. It broke his long damaged heart.
Rey sighed. "I liked talking to you, Ben, even if it was about nothing at all. I'd like that back, when you're ready." Her pretty mouth was woefully downturned, making his insides squirm with guilt and pulling him towards the inexorable capitulation he felt in his bones.
"Have you tried the fresh mackerel sandwiches in Eminönü yet?" he asked, for loss of anything better, his voice a bit gruff, his jaw working afterwards in sour disappointment with his incapacity to resist the girl.
It caught her off her guard, but she regained her composure fairly quickly. "I haven't. What of it?" she still pouted, raising her chin slightly in defiance, unwilling to spare him the discomfort of asking the question. It made him want to kiss that lower lip than bite it and than spank the insolent owner.
"Are you hungry?" he grinded out, then let out a haughty scoff. Might as well attempt to keep an inch of his pride intact. "As if you ever aren't. Just get changed, I'm buying."