Heavy
The mid-terms roll around with no time to spare, and Nagisa's watches in sinister amusement as his classmates rush around, trying to get in the last bits of their studying in. He feels as though he's on a higher level than them. How petty.
"Are you not studying because you don't have to, or because you don't want to?" Karma asks, sitting down beside his spot on the grass with a strawberry milk carton in his right hand and chocolate in the other, which he hands to Nagisa. Nagisa hums and takes it, "Don't have to, you?"
"Don't want to,"
A comfortable silence falls over them suddenly, Nagisa basking in the peace and most likely Karma, too.
Nagisa's bitterly reminded that, unlike himself, Karma has a normal future ahead of him, filled with work and mortality. It's depressing, knowing his boyfriend is most definetly going to die before him, that Nagisa is going to be his for life, but Karma's going to be a phase. This isn't a normal existential crisis. It's actually reality.
"What... what do you want to do when you're older?" He asks hesitantly, showing a rare sense of vulnerability, and Karma eyes him suspiciously before reverting back to his indifferent state.
"I want to do something important, something fun, some kind of position of power... but I want to make change," His eyes look distant for a second, and Nagisa's can't help but feel his heart sink. Karma has... real human aspirations... and what does Nagisa have? A childish need for revenge? An unplanned forever ahead of him? He swallows dryly.
He really isn't very strong, in these situations.
The silence falls again, but this time, it's suffocating.
Nagisa passes the room where the exams are held for his class, stopping in front of the window to give everyone - his family - A thumbs up before he goes on his merry way. They seem to appreciate it.
He enters the principals office, ignoring the sinister look of the door (*Shudder* that door).
"Ah, Nagisa, nice of you to show up," Gakuho greets lowly, smiling his buisness smile and motioning Nagisa to take a seat, which he does, gratefully.
"So, any questions before I begin?"
Nagisa takes no time replying; "What about... family?" There's a solemness in the room, and an ache in Nagisa's chest when he realises immortality isn't as easy as it sounds.
"It's quite amazing actually, how you can see and do so much. It isn't about loss, it isn't about sadness, it's about memories. Everything moves at a consistent speed, time waits for no one, and you'll find that no godliness, no immortality can change that, only extend it. So, yes, you'll lose, but you'll gain. You have to know what having is, to lose. You have to know what happiness is to feel sadness. You'll learn that yourself, it isn't something I can teach." Gakuho concludes.
Nagisa's doesn't think he can understand that just yet, but he's got all the time in the world.
"Shall we start?"
Nagisa's never been so sure of anything in his life, when he nods.
Nagisa leaves that room with a heavy heart weighing down his steps. His classmates should be just about getting back to the E classroom. They must be relieved, they must've found it easy, with so many people believing in them, willing them to do well. With such a large family.
A family he is undoubtedly part of.
His heart feels lighter, but it's still heavy. But then again, he still has that need for his revenge, that hate. He's still human, nothing can change that, not now, not ever.