Chapter 8

"Haah. It feels so good! You alright there, Aqua?"

Darkness and Megumin were casually soaking in the bath and enjoying the moment. Aqua, on the other hand, looked like she was reliving her lake purification trauma.

I was sitting next to them in the shallow area, deep in thought and paying no attention to three girls clad in nothing but bath towels.

Chomusuke was floating around in a wash bucket. She somehow managed to dock near me and started rubbing off my body again. I absentmindedly petted her as I was listening in on the girls' conversation.

"…What should we do, Megumin? I feel like we're hitting roadblocks every time we try something."

"Well, it's not like we're completely out of options… yet."

"Eh?! Really?!"

"Y-yes, but we're scraping the barrel at this point."

"I don't care! What are they?"

"We can head back to my village and try reading that damned book again. There's still a chance we might find what we need in there… given that no one interrupts us this time."

"I-I see. Anything else?"

"We ask that annoying devil for help and pray for the best."

Megumin grimaced as if those words were causing her a great pain.

Darkness looked disheartened as well.

"We really hit the bottom, huh…"

"Gah, what a pain! Seriously, can't we just weaken the spell somehow and call it a day?"

"Megumin, what are you saying?!"

Wait, weakening the spell? I feel like I've heard it somewhere before…

"Yes, I know, it wouldn't solve anything. Ugh, fine, let's talk with the masked guy and get this over with. Besides, we need to buy more Teleportation scrolls from Wiz anyway."

That's right: Wiz!

Now that I think about it, back at the shop, Wiz was searching for some means of weakening the spell without even trying to break it first. It's as if she already knew what she was dealing with!

And if that's the case, then there's a good chance that she also knows how to get rid of it!

I need to tell the girls about th— dammit, not now, Chomusuke!

"Oi, Chomusuke, quit rubbing off Kazuma like that! I know you like him and all, but you're my familiar first and foremost, and— Bwah!"

A loud "Puff!" echoed throughout the room, and suddenly everything was engulfed in a thick white smoke.

"Huh? What's happening?!"

"Kazuma, are you okay?!"

"Humuf—?!"

The next thing I knew I was blindly struggling against something in a midst of absolute chaos. I didn't know what was going on, but I instinctively grabbed and kicked whatever came into my reach.

—And then it hit me.

"HO-OLD IT!"

I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"!" x3

The time itself seemed to stop for a moment.

I exhaled and analyzed my surroundings as the white smoke finally started to dissipate.

Somehow, we managed to push most of the water out of the bath during our struggle. And there's something soft in my hands. I gulped and slowly looked down to—

"Bwah! How dare you defile me, you dirty hikkiNEET! Keep your grabby mitts to yourself!"

"Kazuma? You… you're back…? Kazuma, you're ba— eh? Wait, why do you look so disappointed when you're grabbing my chest?! Ugh, forget it, just get the towel already!"

"Hmnyuu—!"

"…"

I resisted the urge to kick Darkness lying underneath us.

It was supposed to be a happy reunion, with everyone hugging and crying tears of joy.

Instead, we got this. Life is simply unfair sometimes…

"If you don't get off me this instant, I swear I'll God Blow you so hard you'll go straight to heaven."

"Can't you read the mood for once?! You know damn well it was an accident!"

"Hou, someone sure got cocky after feeling goddess's body all over."

"Cut it out, you two! Now is not the time!"

"Yeah, Aqua, now is not the time!"

"Oi, don't think you can weasel out of your divine punishment that easily."

"Will you give it a rest already?! We're in the middle of a huge crisis if you haven't noticed! Iris-chan is missing, and then there's this whole invasion thing going on, and then…!"

"C-calm down, Kazuma…"

"There's no way I can do that! In fact, how can you be so calm in a situation like this?!"

"W-well…"

"Huh?"

For some reason, Megumin started acting all fidgety and kept sneaking glances at Darkness who still hasn't regained her posture.

I took a deep breath.

"Out with it."

...

"HUH?! What do you mean – Iris-chan wasn't kidnapped and she's back at the castle?! What do you mean – Devil King's army got all wiped out?! Just yesterday you were on and on about how they were practically knocking at the Capital's door! Whatever happened to that?!"

After we finally got our bearings and put some clothes on, Darkness and Megumin gave me a quick run-down of what happened while they were gone.

Naturally, I didn't take it quite well.

"You see, for today's Explosion trip, we teleported close to the battlefield…"

"You what?!"

"And then Darkness told me 'No need to hold back, Megumin, fire it with everything you've got!', and so I did!"

"I thought if His Majesty received the reports that we appeared in the area, then we'll get assigned to fight on the front lines..."

"You…!"

"It was such a tremendous Explosion, Kazuma, such a pity that you missed it!"

"But I underestimated just how strong Megumin's Explosion power would be. I didn't expect her to wipe out four enemy squadrons with it!"

"And then the Royal Army went in on the offensive and finished off the remaining troops! Well, that's what we've heard anyway, since we left afterwards."

"Uwu, and I didn't even get to do anything. I could at least distract the enemy… Wh-why are you all looking at me like that? Did I say something weird?"

"You really wanted them to trample you over that badly, huh…"

"N-no, that's not it at all! Just who do you think I am?!"

"…"

This rotten woman was seriously depressed that the invasion was repelled without her being pummeled into oblivion!

Seriously, these girls will be the end of me one day…

…

"Phew. So, it's finally over, huh…"

"What are you talking about, Kazuma? Nothing's over, we still got a lot of things to resolve. For starters, aren't you curious to find out how your spell got broken?"

"I don't care! I finally got my body back, so leave me alone and let me enjoy my happy ending! Oi, stop pulling my sleeves, Megumin!"

"But we aren't done yet! Half the town still thinks I'm your mother! And don't get me started on Darkness and Aqua!"

"Hmm, what about me?"

"Nothing! Anyway, you gotta help us!"

"Nope. You made this mess, so go clean it up yourselves."

"This guy! You were the one who dragged us into this in the first place, and now you're bailing on us!?"

"You brought it all upon yourselves! How is that my fault?!"

"Stop fighting, you two!"

"You tell him / her that!"

Me and Megumin both snapped back at Darkness, angrily pointing at each other.

We kept arguing like that for a while, but in the end, I was dragged out of the house and forced to join them. Ugh, looks like I'll just have to go with the flow at this point.

"Alright, fine, let's get this over with. First, we'll drop by Wiz's and calmly ask her some questions…"

…

"What is the meaning of this, Wiz?!"

"Yeah, you owe us some serious explanation!"

We all lashed out on Wiz the moment we entered her shop. I guess our recent misfortunes have really taken its toll on us, and we were not in the mood for some casual conversation.

"Eh?! Everyone?! Did something happen— ah, Kazuma-san!"

Despite being startled by our sudden outburst, Wiz immediately noticed that I was back to normal.

She rushed towards me and suddenly started poking me in various places.

"Um, what are you doing?"

"I'm making sure there are no lingering after-effects that could permanently affect certain parts of your body. Are you feeling alright?"

"I-I guess?"

I hesitantly replied as Wiz kept staring at me in disbelief.

"But how…? What did you do to break it?"

"We didn't do anything! It all just went 'Poof!', and the next thing I knew, everyone was calling me a pervert for no reason!"

"That's great! Ah, I'm so glad you're okay now, Kazuma-san!"

"Which part of what I just said sounds great to you?"

"No, I mean— Um, Aqua-sama?"

"Because of a certain someone, this bakaNEET has groped me all over again! Accident or not, I simply won't let it slide! And I just so happened to be in a mood to purify something right about now!"

With a sinister look in her eyes, Aqua started advancing towards Wiz while cracking her knuckles.

"Kyah, please calm down, Aqua-sama! Your anger radiates too much holy aura for me to handle!"

"But I won't feel satisfied until I—"

Bonk.

"Ow, what was that for, Kazuma?!"

"Idiot! If you purify her right now, she won't be able to answer any of our questions!"

"That's what you're worried about?! Seriously, this guy!"

"I gotta say though, you sure look chipper for someone who got kicked out of her own cult. Did you finally decide to move on or something?"

"Ah!"

"Oh…"

Damn it, me and my big mouth! She was finally starting to forget about being depressed over this whole thing… But now it's back to—

"WAAH, Kazuma-sama! You can't leave me like that! Do something! Convince them to take me back!"

"Stop clinging to me! You sure got some nerve asking me for something like that after you almost conned an innocent little child into joining your stupid cult! Besides, I highly doubt they'll even want to see me, and trust me – this feeling is mutual!"

"But—! But—!"

"You brought this on yourself! Don't drag me into your nonsense!"

"WAAAH! Kazuma, you brute! Meanie!"

"That's wrong, Kazuma-san."

"Huh?"

Surprised, I looked at Wiz who suddenly stroke a lecturing pose. Why is she defending Aqua who almost purified her a moment ago? Just what kind of relationship do these two have?

"Aqua-sama is your precious party member, Kazuma-san! Don't you feel anything at all when you see her crying like that?"

"Nope."

I replied immediately.

"That's not how it should be! When you're forming a party with your companions, you're making a pact to help each other out and stick with them through thick and thin. You can't just tarnish such an important promise you made with them!"

I could hardly hear her because of Aqua crying rivers next to me, but more importantly: why am I suddenly being lectured about a party etiquette? Maybe I should let her borrow this useless goddess for a day or two…

"Hou. That sure sounds rich, coming from a puny shop-keep who almost broke the promise of her own."

Vanir interjected as he entered the room with a box of supplies in his hands.

"Almost broke my promise? What are you talking about, Vanir-san?"

"It's no use playing dumb. Moi sensed it when you were holding that tacky trinket."

"Eh…?"

"Thou were thinking of turning thyself back to human again."

"That's…"

Wiz looked away, clutching hands to her chest.

"Ah, I think I get it now…"

At the time, I was preoccupied with my own condition and didn't pay much attention to their whole debacle. But from the looks of it, Wiz wanted to use the ring to "un-age" herself, and Vanir saw it as her breaking their promise to build their dungeon together.

And devils are very particular when it comes to contracts and promises.

"That's not it, Vanir-san! It's just… When I realized what that ring was capable of, I thought of Brad-san and Rosary-san. And just for a moment, I felt like I wanted to be a human again."

"Hou…"

"But I'm okay now, Vanir-san. They visit me from time to time and they aren't scared of me being a lich. I'm more than happy with that. Besides, it's not like anyone's waiting for me back at home either, so there's no real reason for me to undo my lich form."

"Is that so…?"

"It is! I may have some lingering regrets over my past, but meeting you was never one of them, Vanir-san. And I'm willing to fulfill our promise, no matter what it takes! So, let us continue working together and build the biggest dungeon we can muster!"

Wiz said with a heartfelt smile.

"Hmph. Well, you've already fed moi with some quite exquisite dark emotions anyway, so moi will forgive thee. Besides, now you can't break the promise even if you wanted to."

"Huh?"

"It's a miracle that this simple trinket could even hold such enchantment in a first place. That joke of a craftsman, who fails to provide for his family despite having such a fancy profession, probably used up his lifetime worth of luck to make it — only to have it all wasted on that brat over there! And now it's nothing but a useless bauble. Unless, of course, thou'd be willing to wait for another 200 years to give it another try! Fuhahahaha!"

"…"

Wiz was no longer smiling, and she looked at Vanir with a complex expression.

Wait, so you're telling me that all my suffering came from some cheap bargain ring, and Megumin's father just happened to slap some SSR-tier enchantment on it? That thing was not even a relic?!

This world is simply unfair…

…

"Well, I'm glad you two have finally made up and all, but can we proceed to what we came here for?"

"What's gotten into you, Kazuma? You ruined such a beautiful moment!"

"If by 'beautiful' you mean treating her like he normally does…"

"That's just typical Kazuma, always lacking empathy. No wonder he has such a bad luck with girls."

"I can just sit here all day and drink tea while you guys can resolve all your problems by yourself, you know."

"Oi, Aqua, stop provoking him! You know he's serious when he says something with that look on his face. Sorry Wiz, but we are short on time right now. Can you tell us what's the deal with that spell? It's not gonna go 'Poof!' on him again or anything, right?"

"Um, about that…"

With everyone's eyes on her, Wiz warily proceeded to explain the specifics. She was using some verbose terminology that completely flew over my head, but I still got the gist of it.

In short, [Time Magic] is a very ancient magical branch, so it cannot be dispelled like any other magic. However, its magical effects can be transferred onto another vessel.

"And how exactly do you transfer it to someone else?"

"You need to be in a physical contact with one another, so the vessel can absorb magical residue. Also, the vessel itself should be capable of storing such enormous amounts of energy."

"Wait, but we don't have anyone like… that…"

A harsh realization dawned on me the moment those words left my mouth.

Darkness doesn't use magic because of her Crusader class, Megumin cannot store enough energy to cast a single Explosion without collapsing, and Aqua never touched me directly this whole time. That leaves only one last inhabitant in our house who would fit all the criteria…

"What's wrong, Kazuma? Aren't you glad that it all turned out okay? Huh? Kazuma, are you okay?! Why are you looking so depressed all of the sudden?!"

It was Chomusuke all along. She sensed that weird magic I was emitting and was simply rubbing off my body to absorb the residue.

"I see, so she wasn't expressing her love to me after all…"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"…"

I want to go home.