A/N: Ahem... I ended up writing a very long chapter again :-o, let me know if I should split it into two…
more of my comments below, I'll let you read first ;-).
CHAPTER 10
Callie's head was spinning.
How did I not realize this? I spent half of my life repeating the same mistakes over and over again instead of learning my lessons, I could have stopped this circle a long time ago. My life could have been so much different had I taken the time to think about what was behind my own actions. How did I not ask myself why I jumped from one relationship to another, how did I not wonder why I always wanted to fix everything. No! I just kept on doing the same things for years. So stupid!
She stopped at the traffic light and sighed heavily when her pager sounded, she checked it and let her head lean onto the headrest behind her, "911, great!"
Arizona was still standing in the same spot debating whether to go after Callie or not. Her emotions were going crazy, she was worried about Callie and about them, she was afraid that the same thing would be happening all over again…, and she was also feeling a bit angry because Callie just left her, again… like that day…
Something is definitely wrong, I cannot keep on wondering if this is about us, what if she is freaking out, and what if we can't talk again for two days…? And she cannot just disappear on me like that!, Arizona thought in her head.
"I'm going after her!", she said out loud with determination in her voice and got into her car.
"What do we have?", Callie asked entering the hospital.
"Motorcycle accident, male, thirty years old, multiple fractures, they are almost ready setting up OR 2, you have to go scrub in immediately", Wilson informed walking together with Callie.
"Okay, are you assisting?", Callie asked looking at the chart.
"Yeah", Jo confirmed.
"Let's go then!", Callie said and rushed to OR 2.
Ten minutes later they were already standing in the OR working on the patient when Arizona entered the hospital.
She headed towards the ortho wing when she ran into Chief Bailey.
"Dr. Robbins, what are you doing here at this hour?"
"I'm looking for Callie."
"She's in OR 2, trauma just came in."
"Okay, thanks."
"Whoa, hold on!", Miranda stopped her, "Don't bring any drama into my OR!"
Arizona stopped for a few seconds. "Right, okay, no drama…, I just need to ask her something…, I will assess the situation from the gallery and will not talk if things are touch and go."
Bailey nodded her head, "Okay".
Arizona went up to the gallery and slowly walked towards the window. She observed Callie for a few minutes.
It's been a while since I've seen her in the operating room, she thought and smiled. She's so in control down there, so different from what I witnessed in front of the therapist's office...
Her anger dissipated watching Callie work, she loved the strong vibe Callie always had inside the OR, rearranging the bones with the strength of her whole body, then going in for the more precise and delicate repairs.
Callie was hot when she was in surgery, different kind of hot from the everyday life but still hot, Arizona thought.
Callie felt she was being observed so when she had to wait for Wilson to finish with suction she looked up. Her eyes met Arizona's. The seconds dragged slowly revealing the mixture of emotions Callie saw in Arizona's eyes.
"Arizona…", she said slowly, almost in a whisper but loud enough for Arizona to hear her.
Arizona stepped to the intercom and pressed the button, her eyes never leaving Callie.
"I just… I needed to check what was going on… we might not get to speak for another two days and I can't keep on wondering what happened and what this means."
"Right, yeah, I'm…" Callie started explaining when the alert from the heart monitor filled the room.
"He's crashing!" Wilson said.
"What!? Dammit!", Callie yelled in frustration. "Defib!"
In the distance she heard Arizona say "I'll leave you to it" as she began to quickly work on the patient.
"Charge to two hundred!"
"Clear!", she heard Wilson say.
The pads shocked the patient but the alert sound was still going on.
"Again!", Callie yelled.
After the second try the beep stabilized.
Callie put down the pads, "What the hell happened, he was cleared for surgery, right!?", she asked.
"Yeah, he was", Wilson answered.
"Page cardio, I need someone to be here in case he crashes again!"
She quickly glanced up, and saw that Arizona was gone.
"And can someone please find Dr. Grey for me, get her here please, or up there whichever is fastest!"
A few minutes later Meredith appeared in the gallery.
"Callie, what's going on?"
"Meredith, hey, I need a favor", Callie said without looking up, her eyes fixed on the patient.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Arizona was here, can you go find her or call her and tell her that everything is fine and that I will call her as soon as I'm done with the surgery, tell her not to worry okay, please", she explained and lifted her eyes.
Meredith noticed worry coming out of Callie's eyes, "Okay, sure, did something happen?"
"I'll explain later, just get her before she leaves please, she might be upset."
"Okay, no problem."
"Thank you."
At that moment Maggie entered the OR. "You paged?"
"Yeah, the patient crashed on the table, I thought he was cleared for surgery."
"The motorcycle accident?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, we checked everything, no sign of internal bleeding, his EKG was normal, chest x-ray was okay, everything seemed fine, just the fractures."
"Well, something happened because he coded, so can you stick around until I finish, in case it happens again?"
"Yeah, sure, we'll have to run the tests again later to see what might be wrong."
At this point Meredith was already walking along the corridor on her way towards the exit, she picked up her phone and called Arizona.
"Hey, Meredith, do you need a consult?", Arizona asked.
"Um, are you here, at the hospital?"
"Yeah, I just stepped out, was on my way to the car."
"Okay, can you wait, I'm on my way out."
"Sure."
When Meredith came out of the building she found Arizona sitting on one of the benches near the entrance, lost in her thoughts. She came over and sat down next to her.
"Are you okay?", Meredith asked.
"I'm fine…, just stuff… you know."
"Callie asked me to find you", Meredith explained.
"Oh?" Arizona looked up surprised.
"I know the two of you are trying again", Meredith clarified.
"Oh, okay", Arizona nodded her head and looked into her hands that were resting on her lap.
"So, I don't know what happened today but she asked me to tell you not to worry, that everything was fine and that she would call you as soon as she was done with the surgery."
Arizona nodded her head, "Okay, thank you."
"So, umm… what happened?", Meredith asked looking at Arizona.
"I don't know…", Arizona said shaking her head. "My therapist asked to talk to her alone and the next thing I know she's rushing past me, sitting in her car and driving off telling me that everything is fine but that she needs to process something and that she can't talk to me."
"Hmm, well, she told me everything was fine as well, so try not to worry and she will explain when she can. If it was something personal that was triggered maybe it caught her off guard and she didn't know how to deal with it."
"Yeah, maybe", Arizona said pensively.
"I am rooting for the two you, just so you know", Meredith said softly.
Arizona looked at Meredith and smiled, "Thank you."
"You know Zola is going to be so excited to spend Friday with Sofia", Meredith said with a smile.
Arizona's face formed a questioning look.
"Oh, Callie hasn't told you yet..."
"Yeah, we haven't had a chance to talk much today."
"Right, I offered to help with Sofia when you two need the time for your date."
"Oh, thank you", Arizona smiled.
"No problem, I might ask you the same thing once I start dating again."
Arizona raised her eyebrows, "Is there someone…?"
"Oh, no…, never mind…, forget I said anything", Meredith said half aloof half panicking a bit.
Arizona smiled and placed her hand on Meredith's knee, "When you are ready, we'll be happy to help out with the kids."
Meredith nodded her head, ever since the plane accident the two of them had some kind of an understanding between them, the words were not needed, Arizona understood her pain, and she knew what it was like to lose a loved one.
"So will the surgery last long?", Arizona asked.
"Hmm, could be, it was multiple fractures, you probably shouldn't wait around."
Arizona nodded her head. "Yeah, I need to run some errands anyway before I go to work tonight. Thank you for relaying Callie's message", she said with a smile getting up.
"No problem", Meredith smiled and got up as well when her pager sounded at the same time.
"Duty calls", she said and turned around starting to leave.
"See you next week if not before", she said glancing back.
"See you", Arizona replied and headed to her car.
A couple of hours later Arizona placed her grocery bags on the ground and unlocked the door, she entered her house when her phone started to ring. She put the bags on the counter and reached for her phone. Callie's name was staring at her from the screen. She felt a bit restless before answering the call.
"Hey", she simply said sitting down.
"Arizona… I'm so sorry about today…"
"What happened Callie?", Arizona said a bit distantly.
Callie sighed, "I really don't feel like talking about it over the phone, how about you stop by the apartment before you go in tonight? Come have dinner with us and we can talk properly."
"But what about the plan?"
"To hell with the plan!" Callie said with agitation in her voice, then stopped herself to calm down. "I'm sorry, I'm just still a bit…" she tried to explain.
"Yeah…" Arizona replied.
Callie sighed, "Look, we've been following the rules since Sunday… I really wish to do this in person Arizona... and I don't want to wait until Friday, and like you said who knows if we're going to be able to talk over the next two days…"
"Right…, okay…, but at least tell me roughly what happened, because I've spent the whole day wondering..."
Callie closed her eyes and ran her hand through her hair with a sigh. "I'm sorry I left you hanging like that, it's something about me… about why I act the way I do… it has something to do with my parents…", she explained.
"Oh, so it's not about us?" Arizona asked.
"Well, maybe a teeny-tiny bit, but most of it is about me and my parents."
"Well you could have told me that when you got out of the building!" Arizona protested.
"I'm really sorry about that, my head was a mess, I was trying to process everything and I just couldn't think properly."
Arizona sighed, "Okay, I'll be there around 7 pm."
"Okay, perfect, see you soon then", Callie said with relief.
"See you", Arizona replied a bit dryly.
Arizona ended the call and got up to put away the groceries. She was still a bit lost in thoughts, wondering if the magic spell had been broken, she felt a bit weird after what happened, the light bubble she was floating inside the past few days had been burst, she felt it… and she was worried… Are the heavy stuff always going to find their way into our lives, she wondered.
Callie was inside the kitchen starting to prepare dinner when she heard the doorbell. Sofia helped her relax a bit but she was still quite tense. She walked to the door and took a deep breath before opening it. She felt nervous and it felt weird…
This is nothing compared to what we've already been through, and we've been doing great, this won't disrupt our path, she thought trying to calm herself down.
"Hi", Callie whispered when she opened the door. She smiled softly and Arizona smiled back but her eyes… her eyes were revealing doubt and worry. Callie felt a nervous knot forming in her stomach.
"Hi", Arizona whispered back and stepped inside. She took off her jacket and placed it on the coat rack.
"Where's Sofia?", Arizona asked surprised that she wasn't being greeted by their daughter. Her contact with Callie's eyes was brief, as if she was afraid to reveal too much of what was hiding behind them.
"She's in the bathtub", Callie said trying not to give away her nervousness as she felt Arizona's distance.
Arizona smiled, "Sofia is all about happiness and giggles when she is taking a bath."
"I know…", Callie smiled, "she has already helped me relax a bit."
"Calliope Torres, did you plan to put our daughter into the bathtub to make this easier on us?", Arizona said playfully, forcing herself to make a longer connection with Callie's eyes.
"I might have", Callie admitted with a slightly guilty look on her face.
"Appalling!", Arizona teased as her smile turned into a more relaxing one. She kept her gaze on Callie searching for comfort in her eyes, hoping they could magically soothe her own emotions "I'll go check on her", she whispered.
"Arizona…", Callie reached out and grabbed her hand forcing her to turn around. She pulled her close. "Are we okay?", she asked in low voice.
Arizona looked up at her, "I hope so" she whispered. "I just… something is different…, I'm not floating around anymore… and the worry is getting the best of me…", she admitted.
Callie squeezed her hands and sighed, "I know, I feel something similar…", she pulled Arizona even closer. Arizona felt Callie's arms wrap around her and she allowed her arms to do the same as she felt them both relax into the warm embrace. They stayed like that for a few minutes, breathing in each other's scent, allowing their body contact to calm their emotions… help them relax….
Arizona pulled away first, "We are building a strong foundation, right?" she said looking into Callie's eyes as her right hand tucked a stray hair behind Callie's left ear.
Callie smiled and placed her forehead on top of Arizona's. "We are building a strong foundation", she repeated placing her hand on Arizona's left cheek caressing it lightly as her lips pressed against Arizona's softly. It was a kiss that was meant to heal and reassure, it was a kiss that was supposed to wash away the heavy burden of the day and help them get back on the path they had started paving… a kiss they both needed…
When their lips parted Arizona smiled, "I'll go catch Sofia while she is still in the bathtub", she placed another kiss on Callie's lips before turning around and heading towards the bathroom.
Callie smiled, she felt better, the heaviness was easing up… she took a deep breath and walked over to the kitchen to continue preparing dinner. She heard Sofia giggling and screaming with joy, and Arizona laughing wholeheartedly. Twenty minutes later she decided it was time to get Sofia out of the bathtub and she knew Arizona would not do it, she could let Sofia play in the water and just laugh with her for hours. She went into the bathroom and stood in the door watching Arizona laugh as Sofia was pretending to dive into the bathtub splashing water with her feet.
"Sofia, dinner is almost ready, so ten more minutes and you are getting out."
Arizona turned around to face Callie.
"Arizona!'", Callie exclaimed, "She got water all over you!"
Arizona waved her hand a smile covering her face, "Oh, I don't care, look at how happy she is."
Callie shook her head pretending to disapprove but inside she was happy, beyond happy to be able to share this moment with Arizona.
"You are cleaning the bathroom then, because there wasn't so much water around when I was here with her", Callie teased looking at Arizona and pointing at the water on the floor.
"Deal!", Arizona said as another splash hit her face and she laughed loudly. In the corner of her eye she noticed Callie walking over closer to them so she reached over and put her hand into the tub and scooping a bit of water she splashed it in Callie's direction making her stop in her tracks in shock when the water hit her face, neck and her top.
"Arizona!" she screamed, both her hands raised up in disbelief, as she looked down at the wet stains on her clothes and the floor.
Sofia screamed with joy at the scene and swooshed another splash of water Callie's way.
"No! Sofia!", Callie protested while Arizona laughed out loud.
Callie walked over to the bathtub trying to protect herself with arms stretched in front of her and splashed some water on Sofia making her scream and laugh with happiness even more.
When Sofia started hiccupping from laughing so hard she was finally forced to take a break.
"Okay, that's enough, let's get you out", Callie said and Sofia obeyed.
Arizona wrapped a towel around her and started drying her as she continued to hiccup.
"Ma-ma, how co-me you are no-t…. hiccup-ping… and I a-m…, you lau-ghed… as we-ll."
Arizona smiled, "Well, because I don't laugh as hard as you do."
"Wh-y… not, it's… f-un! I th-ink… you shou-ld… both lau-gh… har-der", she managed to pronounce before she finally stopped hiccupping.
"Next time we should all laugh hard so we can all start hiccupping, that will be fun!"
Callie and Arizona laughed at her comment.
Callie took Sofia into her room to put her PJ's on, while Arizona stayed in the bathroom.
"Well, I've earned my dinner, I cleaned the bathroom", Arizona said entering the living room.
Callie looked at her and chuckled softly.
"Me too, I set up the table", they heard Sofia say and looked at each other in surprise, both of them raising their eyebrows.
Sofia had never said anything like that before and they weren't sure if she understood that Arizona said it as a joke but it was so cute to hear her say that.
They shared a smile and Callie said, "Well done, honey! Thank you for setting up the table."
"Thank you for making dinner mommy, and thank you mama for cleaning the bathroom", Sofia said coming closer and giving a kiss to Callie first, and then coming to Arizona and doing the same."
Callie and Arizona exchanged a few more surprised glances before they started putting food on the table.
Throughout the dinner they kept on laughing with Sofia and exchanging hugs and kisses. Time flew, and after dinner Sofia wanted them to read her a story together so by the time she fell asleep it was already past 9 pm.
They went back to the living room and Arizona sighed.
"I need to go, my shift starts at 10."
Callie nodded her head, "Yeah, I know…, we didn't talk…", she whispered.
"I know… is it okay that I want to stay in this bubble of happiness for a bit, it's been a heavy day…"
"Of course it's okay, I like the bubble too, maybe it would be better if we let everything from today settle down after all, and then we can talk on Friday, when it's going to be just the two of us."
Arizona nodded, "That's not really ideal for the first date though…", she added.
"I'll make sure to plan something that will balance it out", Callie said with a slight wink.
"Okay", Arizona smiled and walked to the door.
She put her jacket on and turned around.
Callie stepped closer and tucked Arizona's blond lock behind her right ear, repeating the movement a few times. "Everything will be fine", she assured softly.
Arizona smiled and nodded her head.
"Everything will be fine", she repeated.
Callie leaned forward and let their lips meet briefly.
"Good night", she whispered caressing Arizona's right cheek.
"Good night", Arizona replied with a smile and stepped out.
It was Thursday night, Arizona was at the hospital sitting in the lounge area and she was missing Callie. They didn't get to talk again after Wednesday dinner which was okay, this way they had time to process everything slowly. They communicated through messages but now she was getting withdrawal symptoms, she really wanted to hear Callie's voice… but it was already a few minutes past midnight… maybe Callie was asleep. Arizona took her phone anyway and started typing a message.
Are you asleep?, she wrote and hit send.
A reply came after a few seconds.
No, I was actually thinking about you :-).
Can we talk, I'd really like to hear your voice :-), Arizona wrote.
A call immediately came in.
"I'm so glad you can talk, I really needed to hear you tonight as well", Callie said when Arizona opened the line.
Arizona smiled, "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too."
"How are you feeling?", Arizona asked.
"Much better…, calmer… you?"
"Calmer as well, things have settled down, I feel the gloomy cloud has passed and I'm beginning to feel lighter again."
"Good", Callie smiled, "I'm really sorry I shut you out like that yesterday, I was just a bit lost…"
"Yeah, some sessions with Dr. Brown can do that", Arizona said remembering her own time with the doctor.
"She is really good", Callie noted.
"I know, right!"
"I'm actually considering going back to talk to her some more", Callie admitted.
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, do you mind? I mean she's your therapist."
"Why would I mind? I'm not keeping secrets from either of you, whatever comes up in my conversations with you will come up in her office as well."
"Okay, I just thought maybe it would be weird for you if we both talked to her."
"No, it's not weird, it's fine", Arizona smiled. "So do you want to tell me a bit about what happened yesterday, I know you said you want to speak in person but maybe you can tell me some parts now, if you want…"
"Yeah, I guess… well…, remember how I always tried to fix everything when we were married?"
"Yes, what about that?"
"I practically watched my dad do it over and over again with my mom when I was little. He was doing so many things to make my mom happy, and I always thought that he was being really nice and sweet and romantic but he was actually trying to fix everything. And he tried to fix me when he found out I was dating you, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember that."
"So, Dr. Brown told me that I learned that behavior as a child and I kept on repeating it in my adult years."
"Oh, can that really happen?"
"Yeah, apparently there's a whole theory about how our personality can be conditioned by the circumstances we are exposed to until the age of six."
"Wow!"
"And I can't believe I never wondered why I was repeating the same behavior. I could have changed this a long time ago."
"Oh Callie, when we are younger we don't really do a lot of self-exploration or deal with our own actions that much, I think it comes later in life. When I was dealing with my brother's death I wasn't aware that I was running away from all the feelings. In my head I was coping with it. When Dr. Brown helped me realize what was behind everything I was in shock for days. I blamed myself for having casual sex partners, I couldn't understand how I didn't see what I was doing, and it took me a while to understand it, and to accept my own actions… but eventually I did, and you will too."
"Yeah, apparently now I have the power to change it all."
"Exactly, if you want to change it you can, it will be easier now, you'll see."
"Okay", Callie said with a smile.
"Thank you for telling me this, now I understand a bit more why you acted the way you did yesterday", Arizona said.
"Yeah, well there's more to the story and it will help you understand even more but I'd rather do that part in person."
"Okay", Arizona accepted. "How's Sofia?" she asked, deciding to change the subject.
"She's excited about her play date with Zola."
"I can imagine", Arizona smiled. "So, you sent Meredith after me yesterday…", Arizona laughed slightly.
"Oh God, I panicked a bit", Callie laughed. "I didn't want to let you leave upset, and I knew you would be running scenarios in your head, and since Meredith saw us in cafeteria the other day and figured out something was going on I told her we were back together and trying to go slow. She had her opinion about me jumping from one relationship to another but she's supporting us."
"Yeah, she told me she's rooting for us", Arizona said with a smile.
"She even offered to prepare a sleepover for Sofia and Zola when we decide to have a night for us."
Arizona laughed. "Are you getting impatient?"
"No, I just…, well… I was wondering about it a bit… umm… I don't know if we are supposed to… time this…, err wait for… I don't know how long…"
"Maybe you are thinking too much", Arizona teased. "How about we go with the flow and let whatever, happen whenever it happens…"
"Right…", Callie said.
"What? Now suddenly you want to plan everything?", Arizona teased.
"God no!" Callie laughed.
"Good, that would be a bit of a shock", Arizona chuckled. "Okay, I need to go back to work", she sighed.
"Right."
"I'm glad we talked", Arizona said and smiled.
"Me too", Callie replied.
"Good."
"You are smiling aren't you?", Callie asked.
Arizona laughed, "Yes I am."
"I am smiling too", Callie said happily.
"Good." Arizona said.
"Good night", she added softly.
"Good night", Callie smiled and ended the call.
FRIDAY EVENING
"Okay so I'll drop Sofia at Meredith's place and I'll come pick you up, how does that sound?", Callie asked into the phone.
"Great", Arizona said with a smile.
"Are you up for a walk, I need some fresh air?"
"Perfect, I could use some fresh air as well."
"Okay, see you soon then", Callie said with a smile.
"See you soon", Arizona said softly.
Thirty minutes later Callie was standing in front of Arizona's house. She rang the bell and waited for Arizona to come out.
Arizona opened the door and smiled.
"Hi", she said stepping out.
Callie smiled back at her, "Hi", she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Arizona's cheek.
Arizona smiled, "I did not expect that but it was really sweet."
"I've never picked you up at your place to take you on a date, I like this… it's nice", Callie smiled.
She took Arizona's hand and pulled her towards the car, "Let's go!"
"So where are we going?" Arizona asked happily.
"The piers, we both like walking there."
"I love the waterfront", Arizona smiled.
"I know", Callie said as they got into the car.
Fifteen minutes later they were looking for a spot to park the car.
"Oh, look there's one spot over there, to the right", Arizona showed with her hand.
"Perfect!", Callie said and drove into the parking lot.
They got out of the car and started walking toward the pier.
"So, was Sofia excited to see Zola?", Arizona asked.
"Oh my God, you should have seen them, they immediately went into their own little world and didn't pay any attention to Meredith and me anymore. I had to ask her three times to come give me a kiss when I was leaving."
Arizona smiled. "Well at least she's not sad about both of us being away, has she asked anything?"
"No, nothing. I told her I was meeting you to talk about some things and reminded her that tomorrow you will pick her up and she will be spending next week with you."
"Okay, good, I'll pick her up later tomorrow afternoon."
"Yeah, I know, don't worry, you need to sleep after your shift so we can be in touch when you wake up."
"Great!", Arizona said and leaned slightly on Callie, "So how have you been today?"
Callie smiled at the touch. "Fine, I still think about everything a lot but it is less intense than on Wednesday. How about you?"
"Well I'm kind of back to normal but I just feel like something is different…"
"Something like what?" Callie asked sensing a slight shade of worry finding its way into her mind.
"I don't know... I haven't figured it out yet..."
"Okay…", Callie said with hesitation, "Well, maybe talking about everything will help."
"Yeah, maybe… So tell me what else went on in Dr. Brown's office?"
"It's more about what went on in my parents' lives…", Callie explained.
"Okay, so you told me that your father was always trying to fix everything."
"Yes, because I remember when my mom was sad and upset he would be really sweet and loving and doing a lot of things to make her feel better. He would bring flowers, or make dinner, or dance with her…"
"That's sweet", Arizona smiled.
"Yeah, but the thing is, he was doing it to fix the situation that he caused."
"What do you mean?", Arizona asked.
Callie sighed. "Remember how my dad came for a visit when I had that malpractice trial?"
"Of course I remember, and I remember how he was looking at me, he couldn't throw me against the wall like George and Mark but he sure tried to do the same with his eyes."
"Well, he was mad at you, you had hurt his child…"
"Yeah, and I had told him before how I was a strong man in the storm and how I protect the things I love...", Arizona said pensively.
"Yeah, he mentioned the good man in the storm part… I think he was disappointed with you because I think you won him over with that speech. But actually he is the reason I asked you to come back home."
"Really?" Arizona asked in surprise.
"He told me to fight for my marriage."
Arizona's mouth was wide open. "How come you never told me that?"
"Because…", Callie hesitated, "…because that day he told me he did the same…"
Arizona didn't understand, "What do you mean?"
"He cheated on my mom…many years ago…"
Arizona stopped in her tracks and looked at Callie, mouth wide open.
Callie smiled sadly, "Yeah", she simply said.
"Let's go sit down over there", Arizona pointed at one of the benches close by.
"Okay", Callie agreed.
When they sat down Arizona looked at Callie.
"So as a child you witnessed that part of their relationship?", she asked with sadness in her eyes and immediately thought of Sofia.
Callie shook her head, "Well, not really, it happened before I was born, but I do remember my mom being sad sometimes, or more than sometimes, and it was probably because of that. I mean my dad told me he was young and had made a mistake, but that my mom forgave him and they got married and had me. But clearly she wasn't completely over it because my dad kept on fixing things for years, and now I wonder if he ever stopped and if she ever truly forgave him and left it all behind..."
"So you were upset because you remembered your mom being sad?", Arizona asked still not wrapping her head around Callie's reaction when she came out of the office.
"Well, I was upset because I realized everything was connected, my life and their life, and everything started with that one mistake my dad make", Callie explained.
"The cheating…", Arizona said in low voice.
"Yeah…"
"And you thought of us…?", Arizona asked warily.
"I did…", Callie sighed and then continued.
"I wondered if the same could happen to us… what if I never truly leave it behind… I explained to Dr. Brown that I had already told you that I had forgiven you but remembering my parents made me wonder if maybe one never truly gets over cheating…"
Arizona didn't say anything, she didn't know what to say, she herself hadn't forgiven herself for that mistake yet.
Callie continued, "And I was also really mad at myself for not wondering earlier why I had patterns in my behavior and was repeating the same mistakes over and over again."
Arizona swallowed hard and forced herself to ask the dreaded question, fear audible in her voice "Do you think you are making a mistake trying with me again?"
"What!? No! No Arizona!", Callie quickly said taking Arizona's hands into hers. "The thoughts about us happened only briefly inside the office, I spoke more about us with Dr. Brown, and she asked me if I thought you would have cheated had the plane accident never happened and had you not lost your leg, and I realized that you wouldn't have, I am sure of that."
"How can you be so sure?" Arizona whispered.
Callie looked at her softly.
"Because I remember the day when I realized you were all about having an exclusive relationship with one person."
Arizona looked at Callie baffled by her words, "When was that?"
Callie smiled softly, "That day when you were chasing me around the hospital after our expensive dinner date when I was working extra hours because my dad cut me off…, you were mad and asked if I was sleeping around with other women and it was so obvious that you weren't and that you were hurt thinking that I was, which meant you wanted an exclusive, monogamous relationship and we had only been on a few dates by then. So I realized you were a hopeless romantic at heart, and later throughout our relationship you had eyes only for me. The way you looked at me made me feel so special…"
"Really?"
"Oh, Arizona, you always looked at me like I was the only person in the world… you still do that..."
"Well, at least I did something good in our relationship…"
"Hey, you did plenty of good and wonderful things, and you are not defined by one mistake that you did, and our relationship is not defined by that mistake, we have so much more of happy memories that we should remember, and cherish and nurture…"
Arizona nodded her head, "Do you think our conduct affected Sofia? Did I do the same thing to our child, did I condition her future behavior?"
"Arizona…", Callie said softly.
"Callie, what if she heard us fight, she must have, and what if she saw us fight? And she saw you sad, and she saw me sad, and she saw us both upset, and…" she placed her head into her hands.
"Well maybe she did and maybe she didn't, we can't know that, but what we can do is try our best to give her what she needs now."
Arizona nodded her head, "Right, you are right."
"And do you know what she needs and wants the most?"
"What?", Arizona asked wiping a few tears off.
"A house, and her family back, so let's focus on that."
Arizona smiled, "Right, okay."
Callie squeezed her hand, "So, has the conversation helped you figure out what was that something that's been different in the past two days?"
Arizona thought for a few seconds, "Well, actually… there is something that has become clear to me."
"Yeah? Okay what is it?", Callie asked.
Arizona hesitated.
Callie raised her eyebrows, "Is it that bad?"
"It's not that bad, it's just not going to make this date any lighter…", Arizona said leaning her head backwards and sighing heavily. "This was supposed to be our first date, we were supposed to relax and have fun…"
"Well, yeah but life got in the way and our first date is more like our one hundredth date where we need to clear the field to be able to have our next one hundred dates."
Arizona smiled, "I like that."
"Good, so, come on, out with it, we can take it."
Arizona looked at Callie with sadness and hurt in her eyes.
"You left…", Arizona whispered.
"What?", Callie asked, not sure what Arizona meant to say with that.
"You left…, again…, like that day two years ago… when you left our couple's therapy session…, you broke my heart that day…"
"Arizona, you broke my heart when you slept with Boswell."
"I know… but do you know that you broke my heart when you left? At the end of the month period I came happy to the therapist's office and I was excited about building our relationship back, I was excited about our new beginning, and I was sure I wanted you and only you… my heart was wide open and happy again and you… you left… and you broke my heart when you left…"
"I… I guess I didn't think about that…, I was angry about everything, I was tired, I was tired of trying to fix everything and I just wanted to breathe, I needed to get away from it all…", Callie explained.
"Yeah, you needed to get away from me…"
"I was stupid, and impulsive and I wasn't learning from my past…" Callie said and took Arizona's hands.
"Arizona I am so sorry I broke your heart, and I am so sorry I ran on Wednesday, it was just too much to deal with, I needed to be alone."
"I understand that, and I understand that sometimes we will need to have moments to ourselves but the thing I realized is that my heart is open again… and I can't protect it anymore… I can't close up… it's too late… because it has already opened up wide for you…", Arizona explained her eyes getting watery looking into their intertwined hands.
"So please don't walk away like that again" she whispered, "don't run away…, tell me what's wrong, because I thought you were leaving again…" she said lifting her head, hurt visible in her eyes.
Callie swallowed hard seeing the pain in Arizona's eyes as she continued.
"If something similar happens again can you please count to ten, or take a few breaths but tell me what's going on, and then I will leave you to be alone if you need to, but please don't leave without talking to me…"
Callie nodded, "Okay, I promise I will count to ten, or twenty, or fifty if needed" she replied squeezing Arizona's hand.
Arizona smiled and took a deep breath, "Thank you", she whispered.
They sat in silence for a few moments, allowing their minds to process everything they talked about.
"Well this must be the heaviest first date in the history of first dates", Arizona stated.
Callie laughed, "I think we need something to lighten everything up and release the tension", she said nudging Arizona with her shoulder.
"Release the tension, huh?" Arizona said allowing her mind to go to the first thought that appeared in relation to the expression.
Callie read her mind, "Hey, not that kind of something!"
"You don't even know what I was thinking about.", Arizona said innocently.
"Oh, I saw the look you had on your face", Callie laughed.
She leaned over and whispered into Arizona's ear "It's good to know though… that I'm not the only one who has been thinking about that".
Arizona chuckled, "I don't know whatever do you mean by that."
Callie laughed, "Yeah, right!" she teased and pulled Arizona's hand "Come on, time for some fun."
A few minutes later they came close to the Baseball batting cages.
Arizona looked at Callie suspiciously, "Have you forgotten that I don't consider this a very fun thing to do?"
Callie laughed, "Trust me, after hitting a ball with that bat a few times you will feel much better, we are here to bat the heavy stuff away. Come on!"
"Hmm, okay", Arizona said and followed reluctantly.
Ten minutes into the activity and Arizona realized Callie was right, hitting the ball with the bat was such a stress relief, and even missing it gave the body a movement that was helping clear the intensity of their conversation. They laughed hard at the misses and had fun celebrating the hits. They kept on doing it for forty minutes because it felt so good and they both needed to relax a bit.
At the end Arizona got a bit tired and kept on missing every ball that came her way. Callie observed, leaning onto the cage and in one split second she decided to go closer. She came up to Arizona and stood behind her. She leaned onto Arizona's back and placed her arms around her so she could grab the bat as well. She moved the bat slowly together with Arizona showing her which angle she should follow. Arizona was completely lost in the sensation of Callie's body pressed against her own.
"Now that is more like a date activity", she whispered quietly.
"Hmmm… what was that?", Callie asked dreamily, her nose buried into Arizona's hair.
Arizona turned around still pressed tightly against Callie's body. She placed her arms around Callie's neck and repeated, "I sad that this was more like a date activity… and for that matter, this as well", she said and pressed her lips against Callie's.
Callie smiled and wrapped her arms around Arizona's back as she got lost into the soft touch of Arizona's lips. Arizona wrapped her fingers into Callie's hair as Callie pulled her even closer. The world around them disappeared as they got lost in the sensual moment.
An alarm sounding on Callie's phone made them break the kiss.
Callie sighed, "I need to go pick Sofia up and take you home so you have enough time to get ready for work. And we still need to stop by and get some food to go."
"You have thought of everything", Arizona smiled.
"Yes, I have actually planned this date", Callie boasted, "and I had fun doing it!"
Arizona smiled, "I have really enjoyed it."
Callie laughed, "Even the talk?"
"Yes, actually even that, I like talking to you, it's very different from yelling at each other I must say."
Callie laughed, "Now that you say that, I actually enjoy our conversations as well no matter how hard or heavy they are."
Arizona smiled, "Good, now let's go get some food, I'm hungry."
It was almost 8:30 when Callie stopped the car in front of Arizona's house and started getting out.
Arizona stepped out of the car and looked at Callie, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to walk you to your door, I've never done that before."
"Oh", Arizona said in surprise and smiled, "Okay", she added and started walking towards the entrance, Callie following by her side.
"Thank you Calliope, it was a lovely first date after all", Arizona said when they reached the front door.
Callie smiled, "I'm glad you liked it. So do I get to see you next Friday again?"
"Definitely!", Arizona confirmed with a smile.
"I've really enjoyed spending time with you, thank you for the wonderful evening", Callie said as she wrapped her arms around Arizona and pulled her close, softly placing a kiss on Arizona's lips.
Arizona felt a bit dizzy because this kiss was different, it was filled with promises for a new start, it gave her hope and Arizona felt like it was softly caressing her wide open heart.
"Arizona", Callie whispered when their lips parted, her eyes still closed.
"Hmmm...?" Arizona asked dreamily.
Callie opened her eyes and looked at Arizona.
"My heart is wide open too", she whispered.
"It is?", Arizona asked with a smile.
"It is.", Callie said and placed another slow kiss on Arizona's lips.
A/N: Sooo, all this talk about drama and my brain lead me right into it LOL, while it was my plan to give Callie this story arc - realizing what was behind her actions, I didn't plan for it all to lead to shutting Arizona out, that part just showed up as I was finishing writing chapter 9…and I must say I got worried while I was writing chapter 10 because after a while I didn't see a way to write myself out of it... I felt the happy bubble burst and I didn't know how to bring them back to a happier place because it couldn't happen fast and I just felt the plan I had for them in the future chapters slipping away, like it would not work if there was bad and heavy energy between them and if it lasted for a longer time I didn't see them getting out of it but growing more and more apart. I blame it on Shonda LOL, we have been traumatized by all the heavy stuff Calzona had to go through that all the red flags start showing up when something heavy comes their way, well at least that's what happened to me ;-).
So, anyway, what's your take on this? Was it difficult to read a bit of heavier stuff in those two chapters even though it wasn't really heavy drama ;-)? I actually wrote a Rizzoli and Isles story that was really heavy and tough to read, people actually stopped reading because they couldn't handle it LOL, so be careful what you wish for with me writing drama cause that just turns into very heavy stuff hahaha ;-).
BTW in my head they are still not completely out of the woods with weird energy but hopefully in the next chapter it will be cleared… hope you have enjoyed this chapter... my favorite part is the ending :-) it just made me smile every time I re-read it.