Deacon

The bus caravan arrived in Nashville just after 1:00 AM. He really hadn't slept much. He was mostly trying to plan out the rest of the month, until Scarlett came for Thanksgiving. He smiled when he thought of his niece. She looked like a fragile China doll, with her pale complexion and her big blue eyes and all that blonde hair. It amazed him that she'd turned out as sweet as she had, considering his sister Beverly was her mama. He and Rayna had gone to see her when she was first born and he remembered holding her close and whispering in her ear that he would always be there for her. He hadn't been, as much as he'd wanted, in the beginning, but once he'd found his own footing, he'd visited as often as he could. It was also when he'd started paying for Beverly's medical treatment and his sister had gotten a little better. But he'd always worried about Scarlett, worried that all the Claybourne history would bring her pain and hurt and that she would end up with either Beverly's curse or his own.

Scarlett was shy and quiet and a little less confident in herself than she should have been, but she was warm and caring and nurturing. He attributed a lot of that to the Dalton's, where Scarlett took refuge when things were tough and where she stayed when Beverly wasn't around. Reverend Dalton and his wife welcomed her as though she were their own and their daughter Zoey was Scarlett's best friend. They were good people and loved his niece and he was forever grateful. She seemed to have blossomed since she'd started at Ole Miss. She was away from Beverly and seemed to be finding her footing. He was glad he'd been able to be there when she moved into the dorm for her sophomore year and he was looking forward to her visit.

When he got off the bus, he headed for his truck, throwing his duffle and guitar in the back. As he walked around to the driver's side, he saw Rayna come off her bus and get right in a town car. Within seconds, the car had sped out of the parking lot, taking her home to her Belle Meade mansion and her family. It might have been because it was so late or it could have been just the end of the tour bubble, where he could feel like he had her to himself, but he felt a lump in his throat and a pit in his stomach. He'd see her once more at the Nashville show, but truthfully this is where the bubble burst and their lives diverged and, as always, it left him with a mountain of regrets and what ifs.

He opened the door and got in, sticking his key in the ignition. He shut the door, put the truck in gear and headed out of the parking lot.

It was late morning before he could get away and head to the cabin. He'd slept later than he'd meant to and then Bucky had called to remind him that Rayna was performing at the CMA's and the band needed to be there. And there was also rehearsal the day before. Rayna was up for Female Vocalist of the Year and Album of the Year for Little Bits of Heaven. He'd passed the word on to the band and then had finally been able to leave.

The cabin was about an hour and a half from Nashville, not far over the Kentucky state line. It was a very rural area. Didn't even have cell service, so it was the perfect place to go for solitude and reflection. He'd bought the cabin after his first stay in rehab, mostly to thank Rayna for her belief in him, but also because it looked so much like the vision of her dream house that she'd described to him years earlier. He couldn't remember why they called it a cabin, because it really was anything but. It was a modest 3 bedroom ranch house, with a long porch running across the length of the house in back, with a view of the lake. It had a dock and a small shed. It had been in good shape when he bought it, but it hadn't been modernized at all. Rayna had loved it and, after a gentle scolding for buying it so soon after rehab, she had made a list before they left of all the things she wanted to do to make it perfect.

He veered off at the exit and then drove down the 2-lane county road. The turnoff to the cabin was easy to miss, which is what had made it a perfect place to kick back and relax. When he and Rayna were together, it was their secret hideaway, the place where they spent weekends and tour breaks. They would sit on the porch and just hold hands, looking out over the lake. They wrote, inspired by the quiet and the solitude. It had been a healing place and a place where the demons he lived with rarely appeared. It was a sanctuary for the two of them.

These days it was just him spending time there, but it served many of the same purposes it had back when Rayna was around. It was still a healing place and the place he came to most often when he needed that time away, to rest and recharge. He still wrote songs here, maybe more than he had with Rayna. He fished off the dock and took his canoe out on the lake on lazy summer afternoons. When he got to the dirt and gravel drive and parked the truck, he sat for a moment just looking out over the water. The weather had just started to cool off a bit and the water was practically flat, the sun glistening off it. He got out and walked around to the back of the truck, opening the tailgate to retrieve his duffel and guitar. He had many of his guitars at the cabin, but almost always brought his favorite.

He trudged down the porch and fit his key into the lock on the sliders. He opened them and walked in, looking around. His eyes landed on the wood storage and he noticed he had next to none. The cabin could sometimes be drafty, so the first thing he did was go out to the shed and start to bring in wood. After 3 trips, he thought he had enough to get him through the next several days. He went about starting a fire, waiting for the satisfying sound of the wood starting to crackle and the pleasant wood smell to make its way through the main room.

He went back out to the truck and brought in the bags of groceries he'd bought one exit below where he got off the highway. He put those away and then started a pot of coffee.

It was late and he had long since realized he'd drank coffee too late in the day. He walked out onto the porch and leaned against the column as he looked out over the lake. The moon was full and so there was a bright, wide trail over the water and up onto the lawn in front of the cabin. The wind had picked up a bit and he was glad he'd chopped some extra wood. He went back inside and picked out a guitar, bringing back out. He sat in one of the porch chairs and positioned the guitar on his knees, letting his finger run over the strings. He'd written countless songs on this porch.

He started picking out the chords for a song he'd written a couple years earlier, that he'd called Back Home. He'd written it about Rayna, for Rayna. It was a dreary, rainy afternoon and he'd spent most of it writing. For some reason, that weekend, it was hitting hard that they were no longer together. He'd thought about how they used to sit outside in the summer and watch the fireflies under the stars at night. They would sing to each other and sing together on nights like that one. It was a song filled with memories, but also regret. He'd messed up his life, something he hadn't wanted to do, but he'd never had the strength to make it stick before. Now that he had, he'd already lost everything that mattered. He picked through the chords of the song, thinking it was one she could sing, but he knew she wouldn't.

He sighed. There wasn't much in his life that didn't remind him of her. They'd always been so connected, so in sync. When they were together, he'd never felt like he took all that for granted, but these days he felt like he had. He'd just always thought she'd be there, because she always had been. She had left him before, gone to Tandy's for a night or two, but she always came back. And so he'd believed she always would, no matter what went on in their lives. And then she hadn't been there the last time he got out of rehab.

He was surprised to see Cole when he finally walked out into the lobby of the rehab facility. Rayna had always been there before, no matter how angry she'd been when she made him go. Except the 4th time. But that was because he'd walked out and she didn't know he was doing that. But he hadn't seen her after he'd gotten back to Nashville.

"Hey, Deacon," Cole said when he walked up.

He frowned. "Where's Rayna? Why didn't she come?"

Cole looked weary. "Deacon, Rayna left. The two of you haven't been together for nearly a year."

He shook his head. "I know she was seeing that Teddy asshole before, but he ain't really her type."

Cole sighed. "Rayna and Teddy got married, Deacon. And they have a baby due in about a month."

He felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. He thought he must be dreaming. It couldn't be real. Rayna couldn't have gone off and married someone else. "No," he said, shaking his head. "No."

Cole looked compassionate then. "It's true. I'm sorry." He had no words. Why did I do this? If she ain't here, why did I do this? "Come on," Cole said then and he looked back at the other man. "Let me get you home."

He sat back against the chair and breathed in deeply. He'd come a long way since then. He and Rayna both had. He'd mostly learned to live with the realities. Live with the disappointment and the memory of all the missed opportunities. He'd run out of luck, squandered her love and grace, for something that had really never made him happy, just numbed the pain and quieted the demons, temporarily. He understood she'd given him a lifetime of chances, far more than he'd probably ever deserved. He couldn't really put it on her, blame her. He'd done it to himself and, because he thought she'd just always be there, he'd been at a crossroads that day.

He never really understood what was different this time. Why, in spite of everything, this was the time sober worked. What he did know was that he was doing it for Rayna. Even if they would never be together again, he wanted her to see that he could do it.

The chill was creeping through his jacket and his fingers were stiff with the cold on his guitar. He got up then and went inside. He checked the fire and then slowly headed for the bedroom.

Rayna

She ran her hands down his arms and looked into his eyes. She smiled and he smiled back. She put one hand on his face and grazed his cheek with her thumb. She shivered a little, feeling his skin against hers. Her breath quickened as she felt how much he wanted her. He widened his smile. "Do you know how much I've missed this?" he asked.

She nodded, because she'd missed him just as much. "A lot."

He brushed his lips against hers. "Yeah," he whispered.

"I know." She barely heard the words come out of her mouth. He kissed her long and hard, and she sighed deeply as she tasted his mouth and felt the hair on his face rub against her own. She let herself relax into the moment, ready for him to plunge deep inside her. She was twitchy with desire and need.

"Rayna." She heard her name but couldn't figure out where it was coming from, since he had complete control of her mouth. She refocused her attention on him and how he was making her feel.

"Rayna." The voice was louder this time and she opened her eyes, her body still on fire, still feeling the heat of his skin and his lips on hers. It was Teddy. He was standing there, dressed, a mug in his hand. He smiled as she looked at him. "You were sleeping pretty soundly there. You still want to get up with the girls?"

She just kept looking at him, trying to wrap her mind around her dream and how real it had felt and then the man standing next to her bed. Her husband. Not the man in her dreams. Finally she smiled. "Yes," she said, realizing how breathless she sounded. She pushed up on her elbow. "I do. Thanks for waking me."

He handed her the mug. "Thought you could use this," he said.

She swung her legs off the bed and then took a sip of the hot coffee. "Thanks, babe." She took another sip and then looked up at him. "Are they awake yet?"

"I'm going to get them up now."

She set the mug down and stood up. "Don't tell them I'm downstairs. I want it to be a surprise." She ran to her closet and stepped into some Uggs, then came back out. "I'll get breakfast started." She headed for the hallway and the stairs, feeling uncomfortable. She'd had more dreams about Deacon on this tour than any other, except for the first one when he came back. She supposed it was because everything in her life was so up in the air and things with Teddy were so tenuous.

When she got to the kitchen, she got everything for pancakes out and started to make the batter. Then she got blueberries out of the fridge and mixed them in. She got a skillet and sprayed it, then set it on the stove and turned on the gas. As she waited for the skillet to heat up, she thought back over the dream. They always ended before there was actually sex, but when she'd wake up it always felt like it had been real.

She could still feel his skin against hers, could still feel him between her legs. Her lips felt bruised from his kisses. She shook her head, knowing she couldn't do this. Teddy was still her husband. She owed him loyalty. She wanted to talk to Deacon about all this, just to let him know it was something she could handle, but she wouldn't do that. It was too personal, to intimate to share with her ex. Especially when that ex was Deacon. She poured batter into the hot skillet and the making of pancakes took over her brain.

She'd made a whole stack of pancakes and then heard the sound of feet running down the back stairs. She put the spatula down and turned as her girls headed straight for her. She held her arms out wide, feeling unbelievably happy to see them. "My girls!" she cried. "I've missed y'all so much!"

"We missed you too, Mom," Maddie said.

"I wish you'd been here for Halloween," Daphne chimed in.

She had one arm around Daphne and the other around Maddie. She looked at Daphne. "So Aunt Tandy said you were going as a..." She couldn't remember if Tandy had ever told her.

"I was Ariel and Maddie was Belle," Daphne said. "Daddy took lots of pictures." She smiled at Teddy, who smiled back. "I don't want you to not be here again though." She pouted.

She laughed. "I will make sure we don't schedule anything that would prevent me from doing that again," she said. She looked at Maddie then. "What's going on with you, sweet girl?" she asked.

Maddie sighed dramatically. "Nothing new," she said. "My life is so boring."

"Really? But you always have so many things going on."

"Nothing fun though." Maddie gave her an impish smile then. "But now you're home..."

"Well, since I'm home, this is what I thought. We all eat breakfast and then I'll take you to school. I have a fitting later and then I'll pick you up and we're going to go get mani-pedis."

"That's so great," Maddie said with a smile. "I wish we could go to your dress fitting though."

"Well, when the dress is ready, you girls will be the first to see it. It's my CMA dress."

"I can't wait," Maddie cried, while Daphne was jumping up and down and clapping.

"Well, let's eat these amazing blueberry pancakes I slaved over and then we'll get you off to school," she said, with a smile. Then she stood and watched as the girls grabbed plates and starting piling on the pancakes. Teddy came up behind her and touched her back with his hand. She turned to look at him and put on a smile. "Thanks for taking care of everything here, babe."

He smiled back. "Of course."

She took a step forward. "I'm going to eat too, so I can go get ready to take the girls," she said, walking away from him, not really ready yet to dive into the things they needed to talk about. We've got plenty of time.

After the fitting appointment, she walked out to her car and got in, sitting there for a moment. The dress was beautiful. It was a deep royal blue that seemed to just flow down her body like a column. It had lacy cap sleeves that became the trim around the front and back of the dress. It brought out the blue in her eyes, her stylist said. She recommended silver jewelry, so she would look for something at home. The CMAs were always a big deal, the big night in Nashville. She had watched them every year on TV, marveling at the beautiful dresses and the lavish jewelry and the amazing hairstyles. She sang along to all the songs and her applause was always the most when her favorites would win.

She was 22 the first time she actually went to the CMAs. She was performing that night – a duet with her fellow Horizon Award nominee John Michael Montgomery, performing his song I Swear. The day before the awards show was when Deacon had bought the cabin. Her dream house. She'd felt so swept away by the grand gesture, even though she'd told him he probably shouldn't have done it. He was 6 weeks out of his first rehab and it had felt like one of his over-the-top grand gestures. It had worried her, because it was a big purchase and he was still so new to sobriety. She hadn't wanted anything to get in the way of that. It hadn't, at first, but in less than a year he was drinking again, heading down the rabbit hole into the cycle. The cabin had been a special place for them though. It had felt bittersweet to leave it that fateful day, back when Maddie was conceived.

She took a deep breath and shook her head just a little. She wondered if Deacon had gone to the cabin. They would be finishing the tour the next night at the Sommet Center, so she wasn't sure. It was always where he went after the end of a tour. He usually went for several weeks and so she'd had to remind him he couldn't do that this time, that not only did he have one last show but that she needed him for her performance at this year's CMAs, which were a little over a week away.

She had needed a break from him. He still did the harmonizing for her, so they were usually close together on stage. Because she'd extended the tour, that meant more time together. More time to bump up against each other, more time for her to stand next to him, one arm casually around his shoulders or just her elbow on one shoulder. Leaning into him when they were singing, their faces mere inches apart. It could sometimes make it hard for her to breathe, having him that close, feeling his breath against her cheek when they shared a microphone.

She reached for her phone and before she could stop herself, she had called him. She held the phone to her ear, but all she got was his voice mail. She felt strangely sad as she disconnected without leaving a message. She wasn't really sure what she'd called him for anyway.

Deacon

He left everything at the cabin. He'd be back the next day. It was the last night of the tour and he needed to get to Nashville for sound check. It occurred to him he could have waited until after the show to head up to the cabin, but he'd needed to get away, put some separation between him and...what? Rayna, for sure. But he'd also needed some time to clear his head, something that would not have happened had he just stayed in town.

It had been too cold to fish or go out on the lake, but that was okay with him. He had just relaxed, sleeping late, working on his music, and winding down out on the porch. He walked out and got in his truck, heading out to the county road on his way to the highway. He settled in then for the drive, gazing at the familiar scenery. The rolling hills, the lack of houses, the trees mostly bare. The sky was a brilliant blue, with tiny little fluffy clouds here and there. As he got closer to Nashville, traffic got heavier and before long he could see the skyline. Traffic was starting to back up and he got off the highway and took surface streets over to the arena.

As he drove down underneath the arena, he thought about the fact that Rayna's girls would be there that night. And Teddy. He was looking forward to seeing Maddie and Daphne. He missed them when they weren't traveling with Rayna. Despite the fact that they were Teddy's daughters, he loved them, because they were Rayna's. The first few years, when he was back in her band, it made him feel wistful for what could have been. When they had been together, they had talked about getting married, having a family. She wouldn't marry him, though, until he could stay sober. That's what she always told him. There were certainly times he wondered if they could have just made the cabin their permanent home, that he could have done that. But she wanted to be in the city and it became a moot point. But she'd always wanted to be a mama and she was a good one.

She was sitting out on the porch steps, looking out over the lake. The bright lights from inside bathed her in a yellow glow and the white light of the full moon over the water made her eyes sparkle. She turned when she heard him slide open the doors. "Hey," she said, her voice soft and velvety. She stood up then and walked over to him, putting her arms around him and leaning into him. He'd gotten through his second stint in rehab and she'd been waiting for him in the lobby, in a pretty yellow sundress and sandals, her hair pulled back off her face. She had smiled happily, kissed him hungrily, and then told him she was taking him to the cabin.

It had been a week and he was feeling good about things this time. He had jotted down pages of lyrics and written out melodies for many of them and the two of them had taken what he had and spent hours forming them into songs. They'd moved from the couch to the floor to the bed and back, as they had a hot creative spurt. One of the songs they'd finished that day they'd called No One Will Ever Love You. She'd cried a little when they finished it, telling him it was the most beautiful song she thought they'd ever written. They had laid together in bed for hours after they'd finished it, talking about their hopes and dreams for the future. She told him she wanted a house full of children and he had laughed, telling her it would be hard to tour with that many, so she'd scaled it back and then they went back and forth until they'd landed on 2.

"I want a boy and a girl," she said.

He smiled. "I want girls. Girls sweet and beautiful as you."

She led him to the top of the steps and he wrapped his arms around her as they looked out over the lake. They were quiet for a while and then she broke the silence. "I think you'd be such a good girl dad," she said.

"You think so?" he asked, with a smile.

"I do. You're so protective and you love so completely. I think our daughters would be lucky to have a dad like you."

He breathed in sharply. He thought about that often, when he was around Rayna's girls. There were times when he felt like Teddy had stolen that from him, taken the life that should have been his and Rayna's. He did love her girls, like they were his own, and he had loved watching them grow up. He hadn't seen them since they'd left the tour to go back to school, so he was looking forward to seeing them that night.

He parked and got out of the truck, then walked up to the artists' entrance. He headed down the hallway to where the dressing rooms were. Her door was open and he walked up to stand at the door. Daphne was the first one to spot him. "Deacon!" she squealed, running towards him. He squatted down and she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close. He looked over her shoulder and saw Rayna looking at them with a warm smile and Teddy looking like someone had shoved something painful up his ass.

He turned his attention back to Rayna's youngest. "Hey there, girl," he said, with a big grin. "I missed you."

Daphne smiled happily. "I missed you too. Me and Maddie have been practicing our songs. Maybe you can come over and we can do a show!"

He cut his eyes over to Teddy, who looked incredibly uncomfortable. He then smiled at Daphne. "You know I would love that. Anytime you wanna do that, I'll be there." He always enjoyed Teddy's discomfort.

Maddie was standing right at his shoulder and he let Daphne go and stood up, hugging Maddie to his side. "I bet you're glad to have your mama home," he said to her.

Maddie nodded, pushing her glasses up on her nose. "I am, but I really miss being on the road with y'all."

He patted her shoulder. "And I miss you too, sweet girl." He looked over at Rayna then. "I'm gonna go check in with the band, see if everyone's ready. We'll meet you at sound check." Teddy had his arm protectively around her shoulders but he sensed some uncomfortableness on her part. She smiled, although the smile didn't quite reach her eyes, and nodded, not saying a word. He raised his hand. "I guess I'll see you then," he said. He looked at Maddie and Daphne. "And I'll see y'all when the show starts." He turned and headed down the hallway towards the band room.

They did 3 songs during sound check, 2 up-tempo and one ballad. Rayna sounded good, the band sounded good. He'd been happy with how the tour had gone, but he knew everyone was ready for some downtime. Rayna had said more than once that they would go back into rehearsals for the tour sometime in March, giving them a longer break than normal. He knew she was going with her family to Disney World during Thanksgiving and he supposed she'd be home for Christmas. He would spend most of his time at the cabin, after Thanksgiving. There was always a touch of melancholy at the end of a tour, knowing they would be going off in separate directions, not usually seeing each other until rehearsals for an album or a tour started up.

As he walked down the steps from the stage, he was surprised to see her waiting there. "Hey," he said, when he reached the bottom.

A fleeting smile crossed her face. "Hey." She gestured in a different direction from the dressing rooms. "Can you walk with me a minute?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure." He was curious what she wanted to talk about. They walked together silently until they had rounded a corner.

She stopped then and he stopped as well. She crossed her arms over her waist and looked up at him. "I'm sorry the last few weeks have been so...tense." He raised his eyebrows. Tense was a nice way of putting it, he thought. "I know you've been wondering what's going on with me and I haven't really wanted to talk about it because, well, it's been confusing and troubling and...embarrassing."

He frowned. "Embarrassing?"

She sighed. "Teddy's business deal, I guess, just wasn't so straightforward as just a failed deal and it impacted us – me – personally. I don't really want to go into all the details, not that I really know all the details, I don't think, but it's just been...distracting, you know?" He nodded, as though he understood, but obviously he did not. "Right now I just can't talk about it, because there's just more to it that I need to figure out, and I don't know what it means for the future." She shrugged. "I've hated that we've argued because I really need you. Need your friendship, maybe more than ever. I do want to talk to you more about it, Deacon, but I just..."

He shook his head. "I meant it, Rayna. You don't gotta tell me nothing you don't want to. But if you need me, you know all you gotta do is call."

She nodded and smiled. "I know." She reached out and clasped his arm for a moment, then dropped her hand. "You know me better than anyone and I trust you. I just really don't know how to talk about it yet."

"Whenever you need me, Ray."

"Thanks. You know I want to do right by you, Deacon. I don't want to pull you into my mess, but when I figure it out, we'll talk." She turned and started to walk back the way they'd come. He stood watching her and then she turned back. "Say hey to Scarlett for me when she comes for Thanksgiving."

He nodded. "I will."

"And I know I'll see you at the CMA's but we probably won't have time to talk, so have a good break. I'll call you."

"You too, Rayna." Then she turned and he watched until she disappeared from view.

Rayna

She'd been so ready for the tour to be over – and she still was – but she had found herself missing it already. She had wanted this since she was a little girl. She had dreamed about it and prayed for it. There had been days when she and Deacon had been out on the road, playing dives and honky tonks, any place that would allow them on a stage, and she'd wonder if she would ever reach her goal. Every time she'd felt like it was never going to happen, Deacon was the one who lifted her up and encouraged her and never stopped being her biggest cheerleader. She had often said she wouldn't be where she was without him and it was true. She was going to miss Deacon most of all.

The fans were amazing. She'd felt so lifted up all night. Playing in Nashville was especially sweet, since it was her home, and she always wanted to be sure she gave her absolute best there. Deacon had built an amazing set list for the show, bringing out a handful of old songs that weren't so obviously about them, giving the fans something a little extra. She periodically glanced over to the side stage where Teddy stood with the girls. She loved the happy smiles on the faces of her girls and watching them sing along. If they had been the only ones in the arena, she'd have been more than fine. She ended with Already Gone and then it was over. She was still tingling with adrenaline and excitement as she walked off the stage. A hand covered her shoulder and she knew, without even having to look, that it was Deacon. She turned her head for a second and smiled.

"That was your best show of the tour," he said, right in her ear.

"Thanks," she said. "You had a lot to do with it though."

Just then Maddie and Daphne came running up to her and she threw her arms open for them. She caught a glimpse of Deacon walking towards the steps and she felt a momentary ache, until Maddie and Daphne regained her attention. Then Teddy gave her a hug and a kiss and the four of them walked back to her dressing room.

She stared out of the window as the limo drove them to the Sommet Center for the CMAs. She'd had just finished up her tour there a week earlier and now she was going back. She thought about how excited the girls were to see her in her dress, before she and Teddy left.

"Mommy, you're so beautiful!" Daphne cried, as she clasped her hands in front of her face, her excited smile lighting up her little face. Daphne was all sunshine and laughter, her little golden girl, with her blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She'd been an easy child, a mama's girl, just like she had been with her own mother.

Maddie had that dreamy look on her face as she admired the dress and her hair and her jewelry. "You're like a princess, Mom," she said, a sweet smile brightening her face. She always wished Maddie could see herself the way she did, as a beautiful young girl, already tall for her age, and slender. A gazelle, was how Tandy described her. "I hope you win."

"Thank you, sweetie," she said, running her hand over Maddie's head. She then looked at her sister, who had come to stay with the girls that night. "Aunt Tandy, it's a school night now, and this is a special treat for them to stay up late, but you need to make sure they're in bed as soon as it's over."

"Mom, no," Maddie whined. "We want to stay up and see you when you get home."

"Yes, Mommy, please," Daphne said, in her very best begging pose.

She shook her head, but smiled. "That's the rule, young ladies," she said, pretending to be firm. "We can talk all about it tomorrow."

She thought again about how different her girls were. Maddie was quiet, more drawn into herself, and she could see Deacon in her, even though he hadn't been the one to raise her. She closed her eyes for a second, as she felt the little ache in her heart she sometimes felt, especially when Maddie was so hard on herself. Teddy was always building her up and had been a great father to her, but she sometimes wondered if Maddie would have benefitted in knowing where she'd really come from. She felt Teddy's hand on her arm and she turned to look at him.

"You're kind of quiet. Everything okay?" he asked, looking concerned. He'd been nothing but cooperative since she'd been home. Very solicitous, as though he were wooing her all over again. She had relented and let him back into their bedroom. He'd been especially tender the night before in their lovemaking and she had vowed to herself she was going to work through this bump in the road with him, be a better wife. Be a loving wife. She had promised herself she'd be more receptive to him, especially in bed, and she had surprised herself by how good it felt, to love and be loved.

She smiled at him. "I'm sorry," she said. "Yes, everything is great. It's an exciting night and I'm up for two awards and I'm performing." She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. "And I'm here with my man. I couldn't ask for more."

He smiled happily and leaned over to kiss her. "You look beautiful," he said, when he settled back in the seat. "And I know you're going to win those awards."

"Well, I'm up against some pretty stiff competition, but I'm excited to be nominated." She reached over and ran her hand over his lapel. "And I have a pretty handsome date tonight too." He beamed and, even if there were still the tiniest feelings of anxiety deep down inside, she had committed herself to fully reengaging in her marriage, determined to right the ship.

A few minutes later, they pulled up at the Sommet Center and took their place in the car line. Once they reached the front of the line, they would be dropped at the red carpet and would run the gamut of the press. Local and national entertainment reporters would ask a few questions as they made their way into the arena and then around to the entrance to the seating area. There would be photographers there to take photos that would be plastered in newspapers, magazines, and on entertainment media in the days to follow. There would be commentary about the highest profile celebrities – what they were wearing, how their songs were charting, tour attendance, any personal tidbits. She wasn't worried about anything except the latter, but she wasn't sure that Teddy's business problems were newsworthy in the country music media, so she tried to not worry about it. No one generally talked to him anyway and she knew she could handle the press.

They were finally at the front of the line. Her door opened and she reached for her clutch, in the same fabric and color as her dress. She looked over at Teddy and smiled. "You ready?" She knew he always felt out of place in these kinds of gatherings. He was good at small talk, but even after all these years of marriage, he wasn't completely comfortable in her world.

He smiled back. "Of course," he said, and then he exited out of his side of the car.

She grabbed the front of her dress and hunched over slightly to clear the car as she stepped out. There was a chill in the air that made her wish she could reach back for her wrap, but her hand was already being taken by the greeter as she was gently pulled from the car. "Thank you," she said to the young man, with a smile. She could see Teddy waiting and she walked up to him, putting her arm around his waist and giving him a quick kiss. "Let's go in," she whispered. "It's freezing!"

They were settled into their seats. She was on the second row, on the aisle, with Teddy next to her. She was performing just before the halfway mark of the show, so she would leave about 30 minutes in to get ready for her performance. Her hair and makeup people were already there, along with her stylist, to get her changed into what she'd perform in and touch up her face and hair. Afterwards they'd redress her in the gown she'd arrived in and her hair would be restyled. She was already feeling a little nervous, as she always did at an awards show. She had several Grammys, ACMs and CMAs, so she wasn't as nervous as she'd been the very first time she'd attended, but she acknowledged that the butterflies were because, while there were always outstanding performers nominated with her, it was always a thrill to win. She didn't feel confident that year, but she was honored to get the nominations.

Before she knew it, a runner was tapping her on the shoulder, her cue to go backstage. She handed her clutch to Teddy. "I'll be back, babe," she whispered. He smiled and nodded. She hurried up the aisle as a seat filler immediately replaced her.

Deacon

Traffic leading into Nashville and then downtown around the arena had been heavier than usual, so he was running late when he got there. he still had plenty of time before Rayna's performance, but he didn't like feeling rushed. When he'd been drinking, time meant nothing to him. Now that he was sober, he was meticulous about being on time, for anything. So to be ten minutes later than he'd planned to be at the arena got under his skin.

He parked and then got out of the truck. He reached into the back seat and pulled out the jacket he was wearing, pulling it on. When they were out on tour, he normally wore an old pair of jeans, a flannel shirt or a t-shirt, and his everyday beat up boots. But this was the CMAs and, although they didn't have to dress in fancy evening wear, they did need to step it up a notch. He'd made sure all the band members knew what to wear, even though they'd done this many times before for Rayna. He was in black jeans, black jacket and black boots, with a white shirt, the top 2 buttons undone. He then walked around and opened the tailgate, reaching in for his guitar. Then he closed up and locked the vehicle. He headed for the back entrance.

As he headed towards the room where the band would be, he saw a familiar figure ahead of him, dressed in a blue gown, her red hair loose around her shoulders and back, someone walking along beside her. From behind, he saw the little sexy sway of her hips, the dress fitted to her like a glove, showing off her figure. He let go with a wolf whistle and she turned. When she saw it was him, she stopped and smiled. The PA with her looked a touch annoyed.

"Looking good, Ray," he said, as he approached.

"Thanks. The girls approved." She tilted her head just slightly. "You been at the cabin?"

He nodded. "Going back tomorrow. Probably be up there until I gotta pick up Scarlett at the airport." He noticed she was twisting her hands together in front of her.

She glanced at the PA, who seemed a little anxious to get her to where she needed to be. "Well, I guess I need to go get ready. I'll see you and the guys in a little bit."

He smiled. "See you then." She and the PA turned and kept walking in the direction they'd been headed and he stood and watched, thinking that the sway in her hips was just a little more exaggerated now.

The band was already on the second stage, getting set up. The cameras would be moving to them in 10 minutes. They were doing Anywhere From Here and the video Rayna had done for the song would be playing in the background as she performed the song on stage. It had been the last single off Little Bits of Heaven and it had hit number 10 in early September. He looked up when he heard her footsteps. She was wearing a barely there sleeveless dress that sparkled in the lights. She wore some of those sky high heels he always thought made her already long legs look endless. She looked sexy as hell and he had to breathe in deeply. He could feel his heart beating hard. He reminded himself that he needed to honor her space.

She smiled as she walked over and he smiled back. The show was going on on the other side of the arena and it was loud, so she stood close, her hand on his arm. "Everybody ready?" she asked.

He nodded, leaning in close. "We did a run through so we're good."

She started to take a step back, but then leaned back in. "Where are you sitting?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I'm not." She frowned a little and he smiled. "Don't worry, I'll be home to watch your categories."

She made a face. "Whatever. I just thought you'd be in the audience."

"Nah. No need." He didn't really know why she would have thought that. He hadn't gone to a CMA show since he'd been with her. No reason to. He always said he wouldn't watch, but he did, at least the years she was nominated.

"Well, okay. I guess I'll just see you some time after the holidays then."

He breathed in slowly. "Yep."

Just then the PA came back and let them know to get ready, that the cameras would be moving to them in less than 3 minutes. She gave him one last look and then walked over to her mic, waiting for the signal to start.

After the holidays. He had no idea when that would be, but he figured it probably would be a good thing to be apart from Rayna Jaymes for a couple months.

A/N: I appreciate your reviews. It's always nice to hear you enjoy the story. I've always wondered too what all those years were like for Deacon and Rayna, before the show started. It's been fun to rethink what could have happened in their lives together, if only things had gone a little differently.