Chapter 9: The good, the bad, and the utterly mad

I don't own 'Harry Potter'

Warning: minor allusions to child abuse, nothing graphic

His eyes flicked down to the desk before settling back on the other man, fixing a plastic smile to his face lest he do something he knew he shouldn't.

"Ha ha, I didn't take you as someone for jokes like this. You certainly got me good this time."

"This isn't a joke."

"I'm not sure I get what you mean."

"What I mean is that this is a genuine offer."

"That's not –"

"Hadrian."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. Just set it on fire or something! I don't bloody want that garbage!"

Harry scowled and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he did. The less chance he had to draw his wand, the better. Even if he'd be totally justified in cursing whatever dumbass sent this ridiculous contract over to the House of Black. What a load of bollocks.

Arcturus just sighed and reached for the teapot to the side of his desk, pouring out two cups for the both of them. Harry took his with a begrudging smile, all the while rather impressed that the older man hadn't already busted out the good stuff from the cabinet a few feet away. Then again, he had a sneaking suspicion that everyone's favourite Lady Black had given her husband just a teensy little lecture after Arcturus had downed half a bottle of whiskey after a single conversation with his late siblings' portraits. (Considering what those two had gotten up into their final years, Harry was bloody amazed that Arcturus hadn't said 'fuck it' and given into alcoholism already.)

The older man fixed him with a stern gaze. "You can't just ignore this, you know. Technically speaking, if I'd been running the family as it had been in the past, I wouldn't have even bothered to let you know that such a document exists."

Harry froze, eyes narrowing dangerously at Arcturus. "I beg your pardon?" he asked softly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do calm down, Hadrian. I was simply trying to explain that previous Lord Blacks used to exercise total control over the entire family, including making decisions on their lives without even consulting their parents.

"Of course, I've never understood the appeal in that," he explained patiently, taking a pause to sip his tea. "While I do have to give my approval for things like marriages, the likelihood of me actually saying 'no' is rather low. I also tend to put the parents' wishes first when it comes to our children. Well, as long as those decisions are beneficial for the child, of course."

Harry's eyes dropped to the subject of their discussion. The roll of parchment was deceptively innocuous, its plain appearance at total odds with the infuriating words written inside. Words that made Harry want to go and murder someone, or at least maim a little. Just a little . He wasn't a psycho or anything, but he was entirely justified in being protective of his family.

The smaller man hummed quietly. "I get your explanation and all that, but that doesn't explain why I can't just burn the bloody thing to ashes before I go and curse the idiot responsible for writing it."

Arcturus sighed. "If you do go and curse someone, please don't get caught."

"You know, your lack of faith in my ability to remain undiscovered is actually rather insulting."

"For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to ignore the implications of what you just said."

"You know, that'd sound more believable if I hadn't married into your family and gotten to know just what sort of crazies you call family."

The older man snorted to himself. "Don't remind me." Silver eyes met Harry's, the humour slowly being replaced by the previous stoicism that had Harry cringing. I don't want to deal with this crap! "Either way, you need to formulate a serious response to this request. This won't be the only one, you know.

"Your daughters are going to receive another offer of marriage."

Harry glared at Arcturus. "Tell him to go fuck himself with a peacock!"

"… I can't believe you just said that."

Despite the reproaching words, the other man was clearly fighting a grin as he covered his eyes with a hand, his shoulders twitching slightly with repressed laughter. Another point for moi, I think. Getting old Lord Black to let loose is like a bloody miracle.

Arcturus took a steadying breath and looked Harry in the eye, the silver orbs lit up with mirth from Harry's foul mouth. "Regardless of the … creativity of your rebuttal, this case does require a formal answer."

"Do you really think I'm going to be able to write a letter refuting Lord Malfoy? While being entirely polite and making it sound like I actually give a crap what he thinks of what I say?"

The blank gaze Harry got in response was fucking hilarious, but he was being entirely serious for once. Did the old man really think that Harry could write a genuine letter back to Abraxas Malfoy without being a little shit? Especially after Voldy's original fanboy had had the audacity to send an offer of betrothal between Draco and Carina or Lyra. Either of them.

Like the fucker literally couldn't give a shit that his daughters were two separate people. The blonde bastard essentially said that the Lords Black and Malfoy could make a decision when they had more information concerning the twins' personalities, just to make sure they could have a more 'appropriate' future Lady Malfoy.

What the fuck was that even supposed to mean?! How condescending could you even be?! Not to mention the other issue. Of course, it was just a tiny little problem with the situation. Just a faint blemish on the entire picture. I mean, there was no way that something so minor would interfere with the contract.

It wasn't as if incest was a major problem or anything.

Harry honestly wanted to ram his head against a wall. He knew full well that third cousins and beyond weren't really an issue because there was enough of a distance between them, having to go back like four generations to find a common ancestor, but that wasn't exactly the issue here.

The problem with this situation was that his girls and Draco were only second cousins, and Harry certainly didn't want to risk anything with such a marriage. (Truth be told, it was a bloody miracle that Sirius and Regulus had been born so healthy and powerful considering their parents' blood relationship. After so many generations of marrying their cousins, it was baffling that the House of Black was still in such good shape.)

Either way, the point was moot because Harry was never going to be someone that would happily sign his kids' lives away for the sake of politics. And everyone who thought otherwise could fuck off, simple as.

Arcturus stared at him, an incredulous look on his face. "You're an author. You write fiction . Are you seriously telling me you can't fabricate a response to Abraxas by pretending to have decorum for once?"

I'm going to ignore that last remark. Bastard. "Oh, I could. It'd be pretty damn simple, to be honest. The issue is that I don't want to. I write my books because I want to, because I get paid. The balance is pretty clear in deciding what I should do there. But in this instance, what I want to do is insult Lord Blondie in as many ways as possible for the sake of nothing but my own catharsis.

"The benefit scale is obviously tipped in favour of me being a colossal pain in the arse."

Silver eyes studied him wearily before the Lord Black sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Of course. Why did I even ask?" The man looked up and met Harry's eyes head on, his gaze almost too piercing and stoic. Well, it would be if it weren't for the face that the old bastard had looked thoroughly entertained ever since Harry had suggested the thing with the peacock. Nice to know he's got a good sense of humour. "I'll write it myself, but you and Regulus will have to sign it as well."

Harry grinned unashamedly. "Brilliant. What an amazing plan, Lord Black."

"Piss off, you little shit."

"And here I thought you loved me," Harry said with a laugh. "After all, I have helped you get three awesome great-grandchildren."

Arcturus leaned back in his chair and raised a brow. "Are you just going to ignore the fact that Alexander and Draco are only becoming more and more terrified of the twins as they age? Just yesterday, Carina 'accidentally' gave the two of them pig snouts after they upset Lyra."

A small smirk emerged on Harry's face. "It was quite impressive for completely uncontrolled magic, wouldn't you agree?"

"Is that what we're calling it now?" Arcturus asked dryly.

"Don't see why not, it's all semantics in the end. Besides, I thought you'd want them to be more forthright. I mean, has there ever been a Black woman who was a shy wallflower?"

The older man snorted loudly. "Hardly. The closest would be Narcissa, but I think we both know she's anything but a wallflower. Man or woman, nobody in this family is ever so weak-willed. That's why family reunions are such a bad bloody idea," he finished with a dark mutter, sipping his tea and looking like he desperately wanted to be drinking something stronger. Harry was hard-pressed not to laugh hysterically at the sight. What a day to be alive.

Harry shifted in his seat, eyes flicking back over to the thrice-damned contract. "I do have a question, though."

"Oh?" Arcturus asked with a wary look. "Is the sort of thing I'm going to need to break out the whiskey for?"

"Hopefully not, but there's nothing stopping you from opening it anyway." Harry sent a teasing grin at his husband's grandfather, laughing as the disgruntled expression across the desk. The man's so whipped.

"Shut up, brat. So, what did you want to know?"

"It's about the line of succession."

Arcturus frowned heavily. "What do you mean? Orion's going to take over the House after me, and then it'll be Regulus. What's more to know?"

"I was referring to after Regulus."

The older man paused for a second before he rolled his eyes, instantly losing all tension in his body. "You think I give a crap about strict patriarchy? If you two want Carina or Lyra to be Lady Black after Regulus, that's up to you." He vaguely gestured at the picture of his children on his desk as he looked at Harry. "You probably don't know this, but I always planned to make Lucretia my heir, even after Orion was born. I knew my father would probably be dead by that point, so his decision wouldn't be relevant when the time came."

"Really?" Harry could admit he was surprised at that. "What happened?"

"She fell in love with Ignatius and decided to give up her claim to the House of Black to be the future Lady Prewett. Everyone knows that Ignatius' brother isn't the most politically-minded individual, so they knew that House Prewett would have ended up in dire straits with him at the helm," Arcturus explained. "My daughter might not have any children, but they've always considered Gideon and Fabian to be their heirs. Well, just Fabian now. Gideon is, after all, not a Prewett anymore," he said with a snort.

Harry laughed loudly. "I suppose eloping and then having a kid with his husband does kind of take him out of that picture."

Arcturus sighed and shook his head. "At least Fabian was smarter with his marriage. And his wife has a good head on her shoulders. Lucretia's very happy to have an intelligent woman in her family for once."

"Ouch. I almost feel bad for the other women in the Prewett family."

The older man sent him a questioning look. "Just almost?"

"Just because I try to be nice, doesn't mean I'm stupid. Or a saint," Harry replied with a smirk.

"I can't exactly disagree," the other man muttered. "Either way, back to our original conversation. Your concern is understandable, but entirely moot. The choice of who inherits next lies with the Head of the family, and your daughters being female doesn't eliminate them from the line of succession. Choosing a successor for Regulus is going to be determined by you two, not to mention by your children and the choices they make in their lives."

Harry hummed lightly. "Well, that's definitely a relief. I mean, they might not want that responsibility, but it seems spectacularly dumb to write someone off just because they don't have a dick."

"And as usual, I'm reminded of how utterly crass you are."

"Oh, you know you love me."

"'Love' is a strong word."

"I can choose a different synonym if you like."

"What I'd like is for you not to be such a monumental pain in the arse."

"What about a slightly smaller pain the arse?"

The glare Harry got in return made him laugh loudly, the sound echoing around the office as he made no attempts to lower his volume. But God, he loved winding up this man! I mean, he should probably be a bit kinder to the Head of his marital family, but where was the fun in that? Life should be lived, and all that. Besides, the old bastard could probably use a good laugh or two. Nobody accumulated that many whiskey bottles without being in dire need of a good time. And considering what Arcturus had to deal with on a daily basis with the Blacks, he deserved some fun. Maybe Harry could dial back his antics a bit for a while? He thought that over for a few seconds before shaking his head, an evil smirk on his face.

How about no?

"Well, I'm going to head home," Harry said as he stood up. "The girls are getting pretty damn hyper about going to school soon, and Rigel has recently discovered that 'no' is a really fun word to use. I should probably rescue Regulus before he has a mental breakdown."

Arcturus raised a single brow in question. "All of that's going on, and you still abandoned him without a second thought?"

Harry grinned evilly. "I might love your grandson, Arcturus, but I'm not going to ignore an opportunity to wind him up. He's hilarious when he gets frazzled."

"You really are a pain in the arse."

"Guilty as charged."

Harry turned and walked over to the door, throwing a small wave over his shoulder. He opened the door to the hallway and stepped out, only to pause briefly, a smirk quickly flitting across his face. Harry leaned back around the heavy door and adopted an innocent expression, bland smile and all.

"Arcturus?"

The man looked up from his desk and looked at Harry warily. "Yes?"

"Please don't forget to remind Lord Malfoy about the numerous peacocks around his manor that he can use for his own personal benefit."

There might not have been a verbal response, but Harry darted out the room and slammed the door shut, laughing as a particularly vicious curse exploded against the other side of the door. He snickered to himself as he walked along the hallway, casually saluting – and mortally offending – some of the pricklier Black portraits. Totally worth it.

He made his way to the floo and stopped at the fireplace, eyes automatically finding the photograph of his wedding all those years ago. Harry himself had a glass of champagne in one hand, the other arm wrapped around Regulus' waist as he grinned and waved at the camera. His husband was alternating between smiling politely at the camera and turning to glare at Alphard and Charlus behind them. The dumbass duo were clearly wasted and having too much fun doing something, made even funnier by the look of judgement from Dorea to the side of them. To round it off, Arcturus, Melania and Orion were obviously pretending that nothing was wrong, standing slightly apart from the idiots and Dorea with nice smiles, as if the three of them didn't each have a slightly murderous glare in their eyes.

If that didn't sum the general insanity that was their family, Harry didn't know what would.

He stared at the moving figures for another minute before reaching for the floo powder. "I guess it's time to save Regulus from the madness. I'm sure everything's going okay." Harry paused and thought that over. "I'm sure it's all fine," he muttered to himself as he stepped into the fireplace.

Time to see about that , he thought as he spun away.

Famous last words, Potter.

"What are you doing here?"

"What, am I not allowed to come and visit?"

Regulus just stared at the other man, ignoring his nonsense and resisting the urge to let loose with a string of verbal insults - and possibly magical attacks - at the mere sight of the utter moron.

James Potter always had aggravated him.

"I was under the impression that you loved spending as much time as possible with your beloved family," Regulus said with just the slightest amount of snark. "Don't you always go on and on about your adorable daughters."

The idiot grinned back at him goofily, clear pride on his face at the thought of his offspring. Not that Regulus was necessarily any different in that regard, but if he admitted to being similar to James Potter in any manner, he might just off himself out of disgust. What a revolting thought.

"They are adorable. They're so bloody cute, it's mad." James' grin morphed into a sappy smile that was somewhat reminiscent of Harry looking at their kids, though his husband always looked so much more attractive than this twat. To this day, Regulus couldn't figure out how Harry was sired by … this .

He could certainly empathise with the parental pride, however. The twins were already proving to be leaders in their own right at their school, and Rigel had an unusually tight grasp on his untamed magic which he used to great effect against people he disliked. (Regulus wanted to be upset, but he couldn't bring himself to punish his son for taking away Lucius Malfoy's voice. It was a nice respite. And seeing Harry roaring with laughter hadn't helped with his own composure. Why was his husband such a pain in the arse?)

Regulus looked at the man across the kitchen and raised a brow. "If anything, I'd think your overt affection towards your family would make you want to be with them. Why are you here instead?"

A chagrined look passed over the former Gryffindor's face, accompanied with a small wince that piqued Regulus' curiosity. Not that he'd admit it out loud, but he'd definitely developed a certain penchant for being nosy after meeting Harry. His other half was the epitome of a curious cat when something caught his attention, for better or worse. (Mostly worse in Regulus' opinion, but he wasn't dumb enough to say that out loud. Harry could be a vicious little shit when he wanted to be, and he'd certainly do something as evil as ban sex if he felt sufficiently offended. An awful prospect to anyone with a healthy sex drive, but something that would be torturous to someone who had the privilege of regularly sleeping with someone as enticing as Harry. Regulus would not be happy if he was denied that freedom.)

He shook off his inner thoughts of his wondrous sex life - not that those thoughts were ever really gone; Harry's fault, of course - and raised a brow at the vaguely guilty man in front of him. "What on earth have you done this time?"

"Why is it automatically my fault?" James pouted at him.

Regulus didn't say anything, just kept staring. He wasn't going to dignify that question with a response.

James started grumbling under his breath, his shoulders dropping slightly. "Look, I didn't do anything, but Lily's kind of … pissed at me right now."

I can't imagine why. "And that would be because ... ?"

" … She's pregnant again."

The future Lord Black bit the inside of his cheek so he didn't start smirking at the other man's misfortune. Not that he wouldn't later, but it was terribly rude to so openly bask in another person's misery while in their presence. Regulus had impeccable manners, the polar opposite to his shitty brother and his idiot friends, and he would continue to prove that statement to be the truth until his final breath. (And no, he wasn't petty as Harry might suggest dryly, he was merely stating facts as they were. Harry had no room to talk about being petty. Regulus wasn't the one who delighted in their daughters tormenting young Draco because of Harry's school years. 'Childish' didn't begin to describe that.)

"Is that so? I was under the impression that your spirited wife was perfectly content with the two children you already had," said Regulus musingly, internally delighted at the disgruntled expression on Potter's face, along with the flash of fear in his brown eyes. Considering Evans had verbalised just how she'd go about castrating her husband if she fell pregnant again - several times, in fact - Potter was well and truly fucked at this point.

What a shame.

The idiot glared at him. "You really are a prick, aren't you? I don't know what Harry sees in you."

Regulus smirked back, remembering how he'd met his imp of a husband years prior. "I'd be more surprised if you did."

Ignoring the questioning look, Regulus carried on. "You are aware that running away isn't going to solve anything? Surely it would be best if you returned home and tried to resolve the situation." And that way I can have another day in peace without seeing your bloody, irritating face.

"I know, I know," Potter grumbled. "I don't need your preaching right now, you know."

What you need is a Mind-Healer . "I've got better things to do than preach to an imbecile," Regulus shot back as he turned to grab a drink.

"Oi! I'll have you know that I graduated as one of the top students in my year."

"The standards weren't exactly high that year."

"You're such a bastard."

An image of Walburga passed through his mind unbidden and Regulus grimaced. "Unfortunately not."

Before he could get an answer, a loud crash echoed down the corridor into the kitchen, causing them to both tense up immediately. Regulus shared a wary glance with Potter, the two men reaching for their wands in unison as they slowly made their way to the door. The younger of the two paused for a beat before quickly stepping out with his companion, only for the two of them to stop short, Potter even quietly sniggering to himself at the sight.

Admittedly, seeing several confused children and all the furniture stuck to the ceiling was rather entertaining.

Regulus turned to his daughters, noting how they looked genuinely confused at the situation. "Do I even want to know?"

"I don't know what happened, Daddy," said Lyra, a small crease between her fine brows.

Carina nodded along with her twin. "Yeah! Everything went up all of a sudden while we were playing."

Regulus looked over at the assorted children of his family. Aside from his beloved daughters, the quiet eldest daughter of Potter was looking at the bizarre phenomenon with awe in her green eyes. Azalea looked to have no idea what was going on, and neither did Alexander or Draco. Even the raucous redheads that were Aunt Cedrella's grandchildren appeared to be innocent for once, and Regulus was all too familiar with what a guilty Weasley looked like. (Though admittedly, seeing tiny Ginevra Weasley turn Bartemius Crouch green and warty at a family reunion had been rather satisfying, no matter how her future self had ended up.)

"Well, something must have done it."

Wow, you actually have a good point for once, Potter. Colour me surprised. Ten points to Gryffindor. "Correct, but that doesn't help us right now."

Regulus glanced back at the twins once more, knowing full well that his own sly countenance had morphed with Harry's nonchalant and mischievous behaviour to create a couple of angelic demons. Carina and Lyra could be crafty little shits when they wanted to be, and them sneakily sticking all the furniture to the ceiling wouldn't be close to the worst thing they'd ever done.

They did look truthfully bewildered at the moment however, and Regulus didn't think they were good enough to fool him yet. Hopefully never, or he was going to end up spiralling into a mess of anxiety and paranoia like his grandfather Arcturus if he was constantly worrying about the antics of his eldest children. He nearly grimaced at the thought. What a horrifying life that would be. No wonder Grandfather's an alcoholic.

He shared a glance with James before surveying the sitting room once more. Uncle Marius' home had become a literal bombsite, with toys scattered all over the floor, a pile of winter jumpers thrown haphazardly in front of the fireplace, and smashed plates dotted around the room with no rhyme or reason. The upper half of the room wasn't much better, with three sofas, a coffee table, two accent tables and a display case attached to the ceiling in no particular arrangement.

It was, quite literally, a disaster.

"Seriously though, how the bloody hell did it all get up there?" Potter muttered to him. "This lot clearly has no idea, and all the older kids are out back with Marius and Atticus. It doesn't make any sense."

As much as it pained Regulus to agree with his brother's moron of a friend - which it truly, truly did; James Potter was an idiot among idiots - the other man was right: nothing about this made any sense. This would have required some rather strong magic for a child, unless it was a combined effort or -

"Did you hear that?" Regulus stopped and focused in on the faint sound behind the chattering of the children. He tried to ignore the elves quietly ushering the kids away from the room and wandered to the other side of the room, cocking his head as he heard a stifled laugh. He smirked at the noise. I wonder who that could be.

Regulus turned to Potter, the two men sharing a look as they both realised just what was happening in the closet at the back of the room. I totally blame Harry for this.

He faced the door once more, and after a brief moment of schooling his expression, pulled open the door and looked down, raising a brow just to make the imps a little more nervous.

"Having fun, are we?"

There, huddled together and looking as if they'd just finished a heist of epic proportions, were the tiny brats who'd no doubt pulled one over on their older counterparts.

Rigel, Altair, Nikostratos, Aquila, and baby Rosemary.

His own devil of a son, the brat that was (unfortunately) Alphard's miniature in every way possible, Andromeda's second clumsy and cheerful brat, Narcissa's beautiful yet definitely not innocent daughter, and the tiny two-year-old who appeared to be everyone else's mascot of sorts, Potter's youngest spawn.

I'm not even surprised anymore.

"Daddy."

He sent his son a questioning look, fighting the grin that threatened to appear. Rigel had an expression that said he knew exactly what was going on, he knew he'd been caught red-handed, and that he literally couldn't give a shit. Regulus would even go so far as to say that his son looked exceedingly proud of himself. If that wasn't pure Harry, he didn't know what was.

"Rigel. What did you do?"

Big silver eyes blinked up at him. "Made it all go up."

Regulus ignored Potter's snort behind him and swept his eyes across the other toddlers behind his demonic son. Altair sat calmly to the side, his cherubic face lit up with interest as he looked out at the mess around the room. The boy was clearly enchanted with the destruction they'd caused, not a hint of guilt on his angelic face as his silver eyes flitted around the room. He was captivated by the mess, and Regulus wanted to ram his head against the doorframe at the sight. And so he finally proves his parentage beyond a shadow of a doubt. How wonderful. Just what we all needed. Another Alphard. Brilliant.

Nikostratos - still wondering what's wrong with you, Andromeda - was happily clapping at the haphazard furniture as his hair flickered between yellow and green, clearly enraptured at their success. Regulus could see a hint of Andromeda's own special brand of chaos in the child's red eyes, and if that image wasn't an omen for future disasters, he didn't know what was.

The group of tiny demons raining destruction upon their uncle's home was rounded off with Rosemary, the youngest Potter cheerfully babbling to everything and anyone she could, and little Aquila, already a perfect little lady like her mother. Baby Potter already had the unfortunate mop of hair that Regulus secretly wanted to see on one of his future children at least once, with big brown eyes like her idiot of a father. She was clearly his miniature, and Regulus felt no small amount of pity for her. As if James Potter wasn't enough of a smug twat already.

Regulus was far more interested in Aquila, however. She was sat up straight at the back of the closet, a serene expression on her delicate face, and the biggest air of smug satisfaction that Regulus had seen since Narcissa got out of her first engagement by "accidentally" exposing the man and his male lover. Like mother, like daughter. I can't wait. I almost pity Malfoy.

He thought that over before stifling a snort. Not really.

"And why exactly did you all feel the need to stick the furniture to the ceiling?"

"'Cause we could," said Rigel matter-of-factly.

Gods, give me strength. He didn't think Harry's belligerence could have carried over more than it had with the girls, but apparently he was wrong. Their son was a brat, nothing more, nothing less. Rigel barely had to try to give him a migraine, and never once did he fail to succeed in that particular mission.

Though what did that say about him finding his son so hilarious?

Regulus took a moment to compose his thoughts. "While I admire your capabilities, you have caused a lot of mess to Uncle Marius' house. Did you think about how you might have broken something special that can't be fixed? And what about clearing it up? That's a lot of mess you've made for someone else to deal with."

A flicker of understanding, of uneasy guilt flashed across all their faces - save Rosemary, but at barely two he wasn't expecting much else - and Regulus felt vindicated. Not at making the children feel bad, but at the knowledge that he was right compared to Walburga. That woman had never taken the time to talk through issues with her children to help them understand their indiscretions, she'd simply screamed at them, or brought out her wand to make her messages 'stick'.

Even before Harry, he'd vowed to never be a parent like her, if you could even call her that.

James stood by his side and crouched down. "I know it might seem like a lot of fun to mess around with your magic, but what you need to understand is that you might hurt people, even if you don't mean to. And I'm not talking about just hurting them by hitting them or whatever, but you might hurt their feelings as well. You don't want Uncle Marius and Uncle Atticus to be upset at the house getting messed up, do you?"

Regulus was so bewildered at the genuine adult mentality from this particular imbecile that he almost missed the reactions from inside the closet. Almost, but not quite. Aquila had a slight frown on her face, but the way her eyes were fixed on the floor, her body fidgeting in place was enough of an indication of her guilt. Altair and Nikostratos were practically oozing regret and contrition, tears in their eyes as they stared up at the men, and Rigel was looking at him with wide eyes, a look of understanding on his face as he processed their words. Well, as much as any toddler could, anyway. Either way, it looked like the brats were slowly coming to comprehend that their actions had consequences.

Finally.

He smiled down at the brats - because they truly were - and gestured for them to stand up. "Come on. Let's get you all cleaned up, then you can go and apologise to Marius and Atticus before we have dinner." Because denying children food for the sake of punishment was abuse, and would never be something that he would do.

The toddlers squirmed at the mention of apologising but it would be a good lesson to learn as soon as possible. If not, they'd end up thinking like Lucius Malfoy, and he refused to inflict an army of future, self-entitled prats on the world.

Regulus and James led the toddlers through the chaos and out the room, briefly flicking their wands to fix the chaos behind them. It certainly wasn't difficult to do, but the kids did need to learn the consequence of their actions before they adopted a superior attitude.

He looked out the hall window, seeing the older children run around happy and carefree, wishing they'd always be afforded that particular luxury, no matter where they were. It was a nice thought.

It was unfortunate that tomorrow would ruin that particular vision.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! AFTER ALL THIS EMBARRASSMENT, AND YOU JUST HAD TO ADD TO IT, DIDN'T YOU?!"

Ordinarily, Harry would have been thoroughly amused at the sight of one of his husband's kin having a massive rant - and quite possibly a mental breakdown - but today he was beyond wary of the screaming man in front of him.

He'd never liked Cygnus Black, but this was taking the piss.

Cygnus had actually gotten on well with his sister Walburga - which, enough said really - and had proven to be a monumental disappointment of a father to his three daughters over the years, despite Andromeda and Narcissa proving to be brilliant witches in their own endeavours.

He was self-centred, believed his mere name would provide him with everything he desired, and was a pure-blood traditionalist in the worst possible way. Women were objects, blood was everything, and power was the only thing one should crave.

Basically, he was the sort of tosser that Harry hated with his very being.

However, Harry could deal with the prick quite easily. It wasn't difficult, especially when Cygnus didn't ever visit his family outside of family gatherings. Not only were he and Regulus in an 'unusual' relationship - homophobic piece of shit - but their first children had been not one, but two girls. Two! How utterly dreadful! What a disgrace to the House of Black!

He actually pitied Andromeda and Narcissa.

In his day-to-day life, Harry had truthfully considered Cygnus Black to be a joke. Nothing more than a sad little man who was still bitter at not being in the line of succession, and who'd had the 'misfortune' of only having sired daughters. The man was a farce, an afterthought at best. Nobody to worry about in the slightest.

Until today, that is.

The man looked dangerous , with magic sparking off him, his eyes glowing with swirling power, a manic expression on his face that said nothing good about his psychological state at the current time. He was stalking around, pacing quickly as he screamed in his wife's face with no sense of restraint. Harry wasn't exactly fond of Druella either, but the pure terror on the blonde woman's face as she backed away from Cygnus was sickening to see.

He glanced around, grateful to note that all the children and pregnant individuals had been removed from the room. Regulus was thankfully with their kids after Rigel had refused to let go of his other father. His husband hadn't been happy, but Harry made a mental note to get his son another toy later.

Harry was half-hidden in one the shadowy alcoves of the hall, a perfect place to see everyone else. Arcturus was fingering his wand next to the main doors, Lucretia a few feet away from him, wand already in her hand. Cassiopeia was directly behind Cygnus, the calculating look in her silver eyes telling Harry that she was considering the pros and cons of murdering her nephew right here in Black Manor. Not that Harry could blame her, but it wasn't something he particularly wanted to see.

The person that Harry was most interested in was Pollux Black, Regulus' more laid-back grandfather. The man was a typical Black snob like the rest of them, but he'd been working for his money since he was eighteen, had gotten married without complaint at a disastrously young age, and had always done everything for his family without complaint.

Until his wife died, that is.

As Harry had found out a few years previously, some of the older Blacks had very much turned their backs on what tradition dictated for those of their station, and had quite happily fucked around for the sake of some fun, and possibly destroying the Black reputation.

And by 'fucked around', Harry meant literally.

In recent years, Harry had been introduced to three new individuals of the House of Black: Phineas Black, Iola Black, and Celeano Black, the illegitimate children of House Black, and Harry had found the entire thing fucking hilarious, much to Arcturus' consternation. Honestly, what was most entertaining was his husband being disgruntled that he hadn't known about his 'scandalous' cousins beforehand. What a weird twat.

Anyway, Phineas was the son of Arcturus' late brother Regulus who'd had an affair with an engaged Abbott before he died, Iola was the son of Arcturus' sister Lycoris and an unknown muggle - Harry had choked on his laughter - and young Celeano was Pollux's youngest, half-American daughter.

It was like a soap opera in the best and worst possible way.

The newest Blacks had gotten on well enough with the legitimate family, the older two having actually secured decent marriages for both themselves and House Black, and life went on normally enough. Cygnus had been pissed off at his father for having another child, and still being in a romantic relationship with the child's mother - which, Harry was honestly impressed at the older Black getting so much action while having a full-time job - but things had been well enough.

Until he discovered another illegitimate child, this one belonging to his wife.

Admittedly, discovering that your wife had cheated on you and born another child would be horrendous, if it weren't for the fact that Cygnus and Druella's marriage had never been a union built on love, respect, or even the barest amount of friendship. They'd always hated each other, and Harry had been informed by Regulus that his uncle had had numerous lovers over the years, even flaunting the other women in front of Druella. As if he couldn't be enough of a bastard already.

Their family gathering of sorts had been been going spectacularly well before this; Melania hadn't threatened a single person with her wand, Arcturus was happily drinking water without looking as if all his hopes and dreams had been ruined, and not a single fight had broken out in the whole four hours they'd been there. Harry thought it was a miraculous occurrence.

And then Druella's crazy cousin had shown up with a little boy in tow and had dumped him, but not before shrieking the truth for all to hear.

Thankfully, Andromeda had sensed the danger immediately and had whisked the blonde boy away to safety elsewhere while the hall had evacuated rather quickly, leaving just a few behind to try and contain this disaster.

The enraged man screamed once more and Harry winced, tuning out the furious words as he studied the prowling monster. He'd once stood face-to-face with Voldemort as the man tried to kill him, a wild look in his eyes as he vehemently denied his diminishing power. Harry was reminded of that moment right now, his senses screaming 'danger' as Cygnus slowly lost whatever control he had.

The Black suddenly lifted his wand, the tip glowing an ominous, sickly yellow, and everyone reacted at once. Harry noticed the other Blacks descend on their mad relative, but he was more concerned with the terrified woman frozen in place. He quickly summoned Druella to him, sending a mental apology to her at the rough treatment. He grunted as she slammed into him, wrapping his arms around her and spinning them both out of sight of everyone else.

Harry crouched down with Druella, his hands holding her up by her thin shoulders. "Druella? Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

The woman stared back at him with wide blue eyes the same shade as her youngest daughter, eyes clouded with dull fear, eyes showing Harry how disgustingly used to this treatment she was. Just because the woman was a bitch with no maternal instincts to speak of, didn't mean that she deserved any form of spousal abuse, which was clearly what was going on. He spared a moment to wonder if this had anything to do with her being an absentee parent, but he pushed the thought aside almost immediately. Jumping down that particular rabbit hole at this time wouldn't help anyone.

"I - I'm …" Druella trailed off, clearly unable to string a coherent sentence together in her shock. Harry had an uncomfortable inkling that part of that shock was due to others intervening on her behalf, and if that wasn't enough to make him pity her, he didn't know what was.

"Do you need a Healer, Druella?" Harry murmured softly.

The woman quietly cleared her throat. "No. No, I don't need a Healer. I'm fine." She pulled herself to her feet, weaving a cloak of apathetic indifference around herself as she stepped back from Harry. "I appreciate the concern, but I have urgent matters to attend to at the present time. Please excuse me."

Before he could say anything, the woman spun into nothingness, a loud crack echoing around the hall from where she was standing moments ago. Harry frowned, sighing heavily into the silence around him. Laughing and joking about his family being beyond fucked up was one thing, but being confronted with the dangerous reality of certain individuals was a sobering experience. He'd never even suspected that Cygnus was this bad. He'd thought the couple despised each other, sure, but Harry had been under the impression that they'd simply avoided each other after having children, nothing more, nothing less.

He certainly hadn't entertained the idea of Druella being at the mercy of a monster.

The hall was currently empty of anyone, the others having dragged Cygnus off a few minutes ago. He didn't know where they were, he didn't know what was happening with the violent man, and to be entirely frank, he couldn't give less of a shit.

This was just like the situation with Walburga when he first ended up in the past; he didn't want to know about what was going on, and if those with Black blood wanted to 'deal with' Cygnus, he wasn't going to lose any sleep over it. As long as Harry didn't have to personally witness anything, or let any of the children know what was going on, then he was content to move on with his life without a second thought.

Maybe that made him a monster too, but his family would always come first.

He set off down the hall toward the childrens' rooms, ignoring the muttering from the older portraits as they gossiped about Cygnus' fate. He didn't want to know. As long as the bastard stayed far away from those he cared about, the bastard could rot in hell for all he cared.

Harry pushed open the room to the play room, pausing to take note of where everyone else was. The older children were apparently being taught to play Monopoly by Cedrella and Marius, his twins and their peers were enraptured by one of Melania's many stories, and the little toddlers were trying to outdo one another with their drawings of dragons, being cheerfully egged on by one Charlie Weasley. Harry would have found the picture more heart-warming if it weren't for what he'd just experienced.

"Harry."

He turned to meet Regulus' questioning gaze, those silver eyes he loved so much piercing through him with concern. Harry could feel the speculative look from the other adults in the room, all wanting to know the truth without alerting the children to what was going on. He could relate.

He stepped closer to Regulus and lowered his voice. "We stopped Cygnus from hurting Druella, but she's in shock and Apparated somewhere. The others dragged Cygnus off somewhere. I don't know what's happening with him."

Regulus' face twisted with distaste. "I might have an idea."

Harry sighed wearily. "You and me both." He turned to study those on the sofa at the other end of the room, noting that Pollux had reappeared rather quickly desite what had just transpired. The elder Black was casually sat back next to two small forms, watching over them with a warm expression. "Is the boy okay? He looked petrified when he arrived here."

"From what I understand, Aunt Druella's cousin hadn't exactly been taking the best care of him, and decided to fill his head with dreadful stories of the Blacks. She told him that we'd kill him if we discovered his existence," Regulus explained with a frown, anger flashing across his face.

Harry felt his mouth open with surprise. "He's a child! Did she really believe that, or is there something wrong with her?"

"God knows. Honorine said that she'd gone to school with the woman, and she's always been a bit … off ."

"Is that what we're calling delusions and child abuse now?" Harry asked with a disgusted snort.

Regulus said nothing, simply took Harry's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The two men were in complete agreement here, Harry knew that, but he couldn't help how pissed off he felt right now. The blonde boy next to Pollux was sitting perfectly still, hunched in on himself while staring at the floor, even with cheerful Celeano happily chatting to him a mile a minute, not a care in the world.

Pollux' youngest daughter was nearly his complete miniature in every way, the only indication of her mother's heritage being her pale green eyes that tended to light up in interesting ways whenever she studied different people. Considering her maternal grandmother was known to be an extraordinarily talented Legilimens, Harry would bet his vaults that the tiny witch was picking up a lot more from people than they realised.

In that context, the way she gazed at the boy next to her with a cautious, gentle expression wasn't the most comforting thing to Harry.

He turned back to his husband with a questioning look. "So, what's his name?" Has he been given a family name?

"His name's Alexis. Alexis Edric Rosier."

Harry felt his eyes widen. "He was given the Rosier name?"

"Considering his biological father seems to be Macnair, Lord Rosier thought it more prudent to protect his grandson."

Harry pulled a face at the mention of the executioner. He wouldn't wish a blood relation to that prick on anyone. "I'm surprised Lord Rosier actually accepted Alexis."

"He's always had a soft spot for Druella, so that's why Alexis was raised within the family, albeit with someone not fit to care for Flobberworms."

Harry watched as Alexis slowly lifted his head an inch, peeking at Celeano from the gaps in his hair. The excited girl clearly counted it as a win, and doubled the speed of her stories, wild gesticulating and all. Pollux stared at the two with an indulgent smile on his lined face, and Harry was fairly certain he knew where Alexis was going to live now. It would be good for him.

The sound of footsteps interrupted their conversation - and the attempts of the other adults to eavesdrop - and they turned to see Arcturus stride into the room, an air of tempered fury about him. The majority of the children likely wouldn't pick up on it, but as it was the adults of the House of Black braced themselves as Lord Black, not Arcturus, caught their attention.

"I do apologise everyone, but I'm afraid that we'll have to cut this gathering short today. I regret to inform you that Cygnus has had a heart attack, and his health has to take priority at the present time."

I'll bet it does.

Harry tuned out the rest of Arcturus' words - he didn't want to hear anything else about Cygnus, to be honest - and gestured over his children. Rigel walked over slowly, a confused frown on his chubby face as he clutched his drawings to his chest.

"Papa?"

"Yes, Ri?"

"Why we going home?"

Harry smiled down at his son, running his fingers through Rigel's curls. "Because your uncle needs to see a Healer, and you know that when someone's feeling poorly they need some peace and quiet."

The toddler blinked up at him before nodding resolutely, the sight melting Harry's heart. His little boy was always going to act older than his age, wouldn't he? It was an endearing sight, that was sure.

"Daddy! Papa!"

Harry braced himself as the twins hit his legs, their arms wrapped around his shins. Two sets of green eyes peered up at him and Regulus, alternating which parent they were sending a pleading look to. Manipulative little brats, aren't they?

"Daddy, Papa, can we have a sleepover tonight?"

"Can we invite some people over?"

Harry had to fight the amused grin that wanted to erupt on his face, and a quick glance told him that Regulus was in the same boat. He stared back at his impish daughters and raised a brow at them.

"Oh, who do you want to ask over?"

"Lea and Di -"

"- and Marc and Hal -"

"- is that okay?"

Harry was torn between being thoroughly amused and cursing the decision to let them hang out with Fred and George. Hearing his darling girls talk in twin-speak all the time was going to give him a headache, he just knew it.

Regulus hummed quietly. "I don't see why not. Have they asked their parents yet?"

Carina shook her head rapidly, curls bouncing around her face while Lyra spun to look for their friends. Almost as one, the two girls darted away to find their friends and wrangle some parental agreement out of their family. Not that there was likely to be any issue there. James and Lily weren't actually here right now - thank fuck - but they could floo call them easily enough to let Azalea stay the night, Dorea and Charlus wouldn't give two shits about Marcus staying over considering how often it happened anyway, and Oberon was quite happy for his children to socialise with their friends and cousins. I'll have to get the elves to get some bits ready when we get back.

"Are you okay?"

Harry looked at Regulus and smiled, though he could feel the expression wasn't as natural as usual. "I've been better. Wasn't exactly the happy day we were expecting, was it?"

Before Regulus could respond, the couple were surrounded by several children once more, all of them looking to be more than a little hyperactive at the idea of a sleepover. Harry shook his head with a small smile before he paused, blinking down at the small form next to his legs and staring up at him with a serene expression.

"Me too."

His eyes scanned the room before he caught Narcissa's eyes, the woman smirking back at him while nodding once. Alright then, what's one more?

He looked down once more and raised a brow. "Are you coming for a sleepover too?"

Aquila nodded calmly, a hint of excitement in her blue eyes. "Yes, please."

Bloody hell, my goddaughter is a precocious brat .

The time-traveller laughed quietly to himself and bent down, carefully scooping up Rigel and Aquila, settling the future demons on his hips. The toddlers both looked extremely pleased with themselves and Harry wondered not for the first time what was going through their minds. He paused and thought deeper. Then again, it's probably better for my sanity if I don't know.

"Is everyone ready?"

The kids chorused a cheerful agreement in response to Regulus' question, and the group made their way towards the floo room as one. Harry ignored the ominous silence of the portraits and focussed his gaze on the gaggle of children in front of him, smiling at their visible excitement.

They were the most important thing, after all.

"Do you think there's ever going to be a day without drama in this family?"

Regulus' fingers paused in Harry's hair as he hummed quietly, clearly taking his question seriously.

"Honestly, no. But I do think it'll eventually get to a point where the drama will be something we can all find funny in time. Bizarre marriage choices, odd careers, that sort of thing. I'd like to think our children won't have to deal with situations where people are genuinely being hurt by their own kin. Does that make sense?"

"It does. Let's hope the most insane thing that comes from our children is them falling for someone that we don't immediately understand."

Regulus snorted softly. "Don't jinx it, Husband. Now I'm going to go mad with anxiety when the twins are teenagers."

Harry laughed out loud, feeling a hell of a lot lighter than he had earlier. The mood of their family had shifted so suddenly that it was jarring to think about. He could only hope that things changed for the better, especially for the children involved.

He felt fingers on his chin, gently turning his face to the side just in time to be pulled into a kiss. Harry's eyes slipped close as he leaned into his husband, pushing all other thoughts out of his mind as the kiss consumed him.

Regulus brushed his tongue against Harry's lips and he opened his mouth, eagerly inviting the other man to deepen the kiss. They hadn't had a chance to be even the slightest bit intimate all day, and Harry had been craving this physical affection for hours at this point. Having the opportunity to finally have a decent snog without any interruptions was bloody amazing. It was perfect.

At least it was until he tasted the wine in Regulus' mouth.

Harry wrenched himself back, the taste making his stomach contract in a horrendously familiar way. He launched himself over the back of the sofa and into their private bathroom, barely reaching the toilet before he emptied his stomach, the violent motion making him feel even worse. The hands rubbing his back made Harry feel guilty for the reaction, and for Regulus seeing him in such a state. Then again, he didn't have a spare moment to tell his husband to leave the room.

A few minutes later and Harry was done, but still hunched over and breathing heavily. His stomach hurt, he was sweating, and he was fairly certain that he'd pass out if he stood up. What the fuck's going on now? I just wanted to shag my husband, is that too much to ask for?!

"Harry? Can you sit up?"

Good question. With a groan, Harry slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position, leaning backwards against the bath next to the toilet. He closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing, barely paying attention when Regulus helped clean him up. Harry sent a mental thanks as his mouth was magically cleaned, his taste buds no longer being ruined with the taste of sick. What a lovely thought.

"Harry, do you mind if I cast a diagnostic spell on you? Aunt Dorea taught me how."

"Go for it," he croaked weakly, feeling more than a little like roadkill. Seriously, how did I get so sick so quickly? That's definitely not normal.

Harry was trying desperately not to pass out, so much so that he barely registered Regulus' magic washing over him so carefully and deliberately. All he could think about was crawling into bed and hopefully not puking again. He hated being sick.

However, Harry did seem to forget one particular fact about himself that always seemed to be relevant to any given situation he was involved in. Something good, a disaster happening around him, even the weirdest of weird moments in his life. This fact would always play a part in his life.

He was Harry-fucking-Potter, and the Potter luck only existed to trip him up in every way possible.

Regulus let out a strangled noise. "Harry? Harry, I need you to open your eyes."

Harry groaned once more, but he wouldn't deny that he was curious about what had made his husband sound so off-kilter. He breathed through his nose for a few seconds before slowly opening his eyes, hissing as the bright lights seemed to slam into his head. He squinted at Regulus, registering his pale face and worried expression.

"What's wrong?"

Silver eyes slid lower, settling on Harry's lower half. There was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind, something telling him that he should know what was going on, but Harry was far too concerned with not passing out to process what his common sense was screaming at him. He took another deep breath and leaned forward slightly, just enough that he could properly tilt his head down to survey his own body and figure out what was going on.

Which was apparently pregnancy from that particular glow.

He stared blankly at his own stomach, not even knowing how long he was in that position. It might have been seconds, it could have been an hour, he had no idea of time passing in that moment. He could feel blood rushing in his ears, his pulse speeding up as he processed the fact that he was pregnant once more.

"Oh."

His husband started laughing quietly at Harry who could only glare at the other man weakly, still feeling like he wanted to puke his guts up.

"I don't know what you're laughing at, you're the one who did this to me."

Regulus stopped laughing and stared back at him, silver eyes burning heatedly. A wicked smirk pulled his lips up into something too enticing to be human, and he tilted his head to side contemplatively.

"I've done a lot of things to you in the past few months, Husband . You might want to be a tad more specific."

Despite feeling like utter shit, Harry could still feel his face burn at the suggestive words, Regulus' tone offering no ambiguity as to what he meant. Stupid, sexy bastard.

Harry opened his mouth to respond as he leaned forward, but all he could let out was another pathetic moan as a wave of nausea swept through him.

All hints of teasing were gone from Regulus' face as he wrapped his arms around Harry's body, concern visible in his eyes as he lifted Harry from the bathroom floor and carried him to the bed.

A few minutes later and he was back in his pyjamas, sinking into those ridiculously soft pillows that Regulus always persisted in buying. Thankfully the room was in total darkness, and Harry gratefully closed his eyes, humming quietly as Regulus wrapped his arms around him from behind. He felt a hand gently move down his body and under his top, only stopping when it rested on his lower stomach where Regulus began to reverently stroke the skin.

Fucking hell, what did I do to deserve this man?

Harry cleared his throat. "Regulus?"

"Hmm?"

"… I love you."

The arm around Harry squeezed firmly, lovingly as he felt lips press against his head in a soft kiss.

"And I love you. I always will."

Harry couldn't deny the tears welling up in his eyes. Life might not always be the best for their family, things might not go to plan, and he might feel like utter crap at this moment in time, but he knew himself to know that he wouldn't change it for the world.

He was happy and loved, and in the end, that was the whole point of life, wasn't it?

Harry fell asleep holding Regulus' hand on his stomach, the two men in awe of how their lives would be expanding once more in the future without actually planning for it. Life would always continue on its own course as time went on, and Harry felt beyond lucky that he had the best possible partner for this amazing, never ending journey. He would never be entirely sure what he had done to deserve a life so wondrous and full of joy, but he knew for a fact that he would never take their life together for granted, not even for a second.

Gifts were meant to be cherished, after all.

A/N: Long time, no see folks!

So ... it turns out that spiralling mental and physical health really isn't fun. At all. I know I've made vague mentions of these issues in the past, but I REALLY went downhill for a good few months. I had no motivation to do anything related to writing, so I literally buried myself in games to distract myself. I played and played so I didn't have to think about not updating anything, but as I did that I kept getting email notifications about comments and subscriptions and whatnot, and they all made me feel, well, terrified. I was scared of looking at them, because I honestly thought that I was letting you all down, and I didn't want to acknowledge that. I didn't want to look at these comments and reviews, because I was utterly convinced that everyone was going to be really pissed off at me for not updating as they wanted, and I couldn't deal with it.

For those of you that have followed a few of my stories for a while might remember a few mentions of me receiving very demanding messages from some individuals telling me exactly what I should be writing and when. The problem is, when you're already feeling down mentally, they're kind of the only comments you can remember in the moment. For me, at least. It made my anxiety even more awful than before, and everything turned into a circular downward spiral of sorts, which, added to my physical conditions - which aren't things that have a cure, by the way - just left me feeling like utter shit.

I'm not saying this to garner pity, by the way. I am sorry for disappearing with no communication, but I'm not going to apologise for trying to focus on me and what's best for my health, whether that be physical or mental. It's taken a long time for me to get to a point where I can take a stance for my own benefit without feeling like a complete traitor to any of my readers, but I truly hope that everyone can understand where I'm coming from, at least a little. If you can't, then I would suggest analysing just why you think it's such a bad idea for someone to look after themselves.

I'm going to be honest with you guys, I'm definitely not better, and even now my anxiety is sky high just imagining what people are going to comment about my work. I've even had this chapter complete for over a day, but I was nervous to post it. I know logically that so many of you are accepting of how things are going, but my brain simply doesn't want to fully process that. It's rather irritating, to be honest.

I'm not going to be able to jump back into any semblance of an upload schedule any time soon, so if you're following any of my other stories, I would respectively ask that you remain patient with me. I'm trying, and that's all I can really do.

Thank you so much to everyone who's been patient enough to stick with me through all this crap, and words can't really convey just how appreciative and grateful I am to you.

I hope you guys enjoy this newest chapter, even if it's not as good as before as I get back into writing.

Hopefully see you soon, and thanks again people!