"Are you okay?" Sharon reached over and touched Jack's knee as the two settled into the car. He grunted slightly, still looking down at the ultrasound picture. Sharon winced, "Jack, please, was that too much to handle?"
Jack finally put the picture down in the console area and looked to Sharon, "No," he said with a sad smile. "It's not too much, Shar. I'm processing. I've told you before, and I'll say it again. This was not just your doing. I know I pushed you away, right to this," he gestured at the picture.
She nodded and glanced down at the picture of the baby, tiny, but it was a small little growing baby. They couldn't see much, not yet, but they had been able to hear the heartbeat.
"I guess," he said, now with his elbow resting on the door of the car, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he leaned toward the car window and not looking at her, "I guess, it's just hard, hard to stare at that picture, a picture of a baby that will be ours, trying to imagine half of the genetics. I'm really okay, Sharon, just you know," he gestured, "what was it about him, if I may ask? I've told you to ask me about my indiscretions. We haven't talked much in the last week about any of it, and I know it's got to be on your mind. It's on mine."
Sharon sighed and leaned her head back, and as she did, her hand rested on that growing bump. It was small, but evident, something that had surprised her this time around. With Emily, she hadn't had much of a bump until almost 15 weeks. Again, everything she'd been reading told her that yes, each pregnancy was different, but also after the first pregnancy, subsequent ones tended to show earlier. She looked out the window to not have to look at Jack as she told him this.
"There was nothing about him," she said honestly. "He was there, a warm body, Jack. That was it. I met him in the divorce lawyer's office. We both had to wait, got to talking, and he was still filling out a form when I left. We happened to walk out together, and he suggested we get coffee. We did. That led to him suggesting we get something stronger, a drink. We did. He had a few. Things just," she gestured with her hand, hoping it would explain what she hated verbalizing, "happened. He kissed me at the bar. I enjoyed it, the attention at least. Neither of us wanted to just run to the dingy bathroom, and he said he lived not far. We went there. I'd never done anything like that, and for once, I just didn't care. I was numb. I wanted to hurt you, I suppose, in a way, or at least not let you hurt me anymore if I had done the same thing. I fell asleep and left when I woke, and then, I went home. I'm sorry, Jack."
He nodded, as he listened, and the car grew quiet again. He cleared his throat, "You said it wasn't that time, that the baby," he paused, "the date, March 27th, you came back from New Hampshire the night before."
Sharon nodded, now crossing her arms as he put the pieces together in his own head. She cleared her throat to now clear the air, "I did." She uncrossed her arms and folded her hands in her lap, looking at them. "I felt so alone, Jack. I had to get out of the house. I went for groceries, if you remember. I didn't have a plan to go to him, really, I didn't. I got in the car, and I just found myself driving there. I want you to know it meant nothing. I wasn't even there a half hour, Jack. Truly, it was," she shook her head, "careless and stupid."
He nodded again, still looking out the window, and he gestured with his hand, "The one other thing that I can't get out of my head, Shar. I guess I can ask because I always tried to be careful," he said, clearing his throat. "I always had condoms. How did you get pregnant? You told me about the pill, but-"
"That's my fault as well," she said, sighing and shaking her head. "The first time," she paused and took a deep breath, "again, Jack, you have to understand I don't do this. You know me. It's always been you, Jack, all the way back to college. The first time he said he was out of condoms, and I told him not to worry because I was on the pill. I'm well aware of the lecture I should get from high school health class, so please don't start," she bit her lip. "You know as well as I do now after this mess that sometimes, things just happen. In the heat of the moment, nothing else matters, and you aren't thinking clearly. The second time, I wasn't thinking clearly at all. I was still very clouded from my trip, from having you at the house, from all of it. Looking back, I'm sure he didn't say anything because I'm sure he assumed I was still on the pill, and I honestly didn't think about it until a couple weeks later when I started to suspect. That's the story, Jack. It's not pretty, and it's irresponsible, but what about this is responsible?"
He just nodded again, looking down. He glanced to her, and she was looking at him, waiting for more, "Thank you for telling me, for answering my questions. I just had to know."
"I don't know what more to tell you," she said, shaking her head at the tears forming. "I know you don't want the image, but we were barely inside his door, Jack. He's divorced, believed I was almost as well, and we both just, just," she shook her head again.
"Tell me something else," he turned toward her, his eyes pleading. "Will we ever have to see him? Is he someone that will show up?"
Sharon shook her head, "I'd like to say no. I didn't know it at the time, but he's a cop. I haven't seen him since and don't plan to have any interaction with him, Jack. I promise you that," she said, reaching for his hand. He gave it to her, and she moved their hands to her stomach. "You and I made this decision, and this is our baby."
He shifted his hand so that his hand was there by itself, resting on her stomach. She put her hand on his, and she nodded to him, "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah," he said, sighing. "I'm sure you want to know plenty."
"Yes and no," Sharon told him, pausing. "The image I have right now goes back to Emily's birth," she stated. She looked to Jack, and she could see his face growing flush. She pursed her lips and nodded, "I can see the answer on your face. Who was she?"
"Chrissy," he admitted. "She was one of the office secretaries, not mine, although, I did sleep with my secretary, Heather, as well," he muttered, looking down. "The day Emily was born, Chrissy went to take notes at a client meeting I had. Heather was out that week, vacation," he told her. He looked over at Sharon, and she was just listening, taking it in, "Ahh, Chrissy and I finished our meeting rather early. She was cute, young, and fun," he said, glancing away from Sharon. "I offered to take her to lunch, and often, I made sure those lunches took place in a hotel restaurant. We didn't make it through lunch. I'd stepped away from the table before the food was served and checked into a room. I know it sounds awful. It is, but I had a routine, Shar. Chrissy wasn't the first. Anyway, things started to heat up at the table, and I told her I had a room. We were leaving the hotel later that afternoon to head back to the office, and I decided to call in to let them know we were on our way, you know, to keep up appearances. That's when I was told you'd been frantically calling and were at the hospital. I'm sorry, Shar."
Sharon nodded and looked to her lap. She sighed too, "I could smell her perfume on you that day, Jack. I knew, not the details, but your hair, the look about you, I knew. It's my fault that I didn't leave you sooner."
"Hey," he reached over and cupped her face, giving her a hopeful smile, "I hate that I hurt you. I do. I know you feel the same. We hurt each other, but had not all of this happened as it did, we wouldn't be here, back together, moving forward with our family. Life isn't perfect. We made it through all of that, and now, we're together again. We're going to have this baby, Sharon." With that, he leaned over to kiss her. She started to cry, but she kissed him back. He wiped at her tears with his thumb, and she put her arm around him, pulling his head closer. They stayed like that for several moments. "Let's go get Emily, okay?" Jack asked her, and she nodded. The two grew quiet, and Jack drove out of the parking lot.
The weeks passed. In some ways, the two were in a "honeymoon" stage at home, trying to move forward. On other levels, they were polite and cautious around each other, almost afraid that saying the wrong thing would send the other into the arms of someone else. The money issues continued. This time, they had major problems in the hallway bathroom. The toilet started leaking, which ruined the floor one day. That caused expenses with the plumber, new toilet, and eventually new flooring. One step forward seemed to always bring two steps backwards.
Neither one was having much luck on work going easy on them either. Jack was finally approached about transferring to criminal law, something he'd wanted to do since joining the firm. He'd started to prove himself with his work on cases, but more recently, with his cleaned up reputation. He was thrilled about this new transfer and couldn't wait to break the news to Sharon.
Jack almost ran from his car to the house that evening after finishing a dinner meeting about his transfer. He opened the door to find Sharon seated on the floor playing with Emily who was still up.
"I'm moving over to criminal law!" Jack exclaimed, and he moved quickly across the room to Sharon where he got down on the floor and planted a steaming kiss on her lips, taking her completely by surprise. It was now the end of July, the heat of the L.A. summer had set in, and Sharon was at 19 weeks pregnant. Jack pulled back finally from their intense kiss, and Sharon started to grin.
"That's wonderful, Jack," she said, reaching up to kiss him again.
"Daddy," Emily ran over to him from her little kitchen play area, and she pulled on his tie. She thought this was really funny and did it most evenings. Jack usually pretended to be choking as she pulled on him, making faces at her. That always made her giggle, as it did tonight. The three looked like they didn't have a care in the world. When Emily finished pulling, she surprised Jack and Sharon by jumping into Sharon's lap.
"Oh, ouch!" Sharon exclaimed, very surprised at Emily. She looked to her daughter, "Emily, no, you can't jump on Mommy like that. You'll hurt Mommy and the baby," she said, patting her much rounder stomach now. She'd "popped" three weeks ago finally, her bulge growing each week. Now, there was no question it was a pregnancy and not just some extra weight around the middle. She hadn't put on much weight elsewhere, even though she felt like she had. She was rounding out like a basketball now, and she rubbed her side after Emily got situated in her lap.
"You okay?" Jack asked, visibly concerned. Sharon nodded, and he looked to Emily too, "Be nice to the baby, Emily."
"No baby, not my baby," Emily made a face and shook her head. She wasn't pleased about the baby right now, but she also didn't understand it much. At 21 months old, there was much she couldn't comprehend, but the baby comments had been coming quite often. Sharon had to almost wince each time Emily told them it wasn't her baby; it was like she knew deep down that the baby wasn't Jack's baby. Sharon turned her attention quickly back to Jack, hoping to ignore that comment of Emily's.
"What happened at your dinner? So, you're moving to criminal?" Sharon smiled warmly.
"Yeah," he nodded. "They picked up two recent grads from law school. You remember what that was like for me. They are giving them my spot and something else," he gestured. "I'm finally moving to criminal. Sharon, this is our ticket! Things are finally looking up."
"I'm very happy for you, Jack," she said, squeezing his hand. "So, when does this happen?"
"I'll finish with my paperwork the rest of this week. It was a Tuesday evening, an evening Jack was usually home for diner, but he'd had this work dinner tonight. "Next week, they are moving my office, different floor for criminal," he told her. Emily stood up from Sharon's lap, no longer interested in the discussion, and she started to play again. It was near her bedtime; she was dressed for bed in her pajamas. Sharon had kept her up because she one-hadn't really wanted to get up off the floor, and two-she knew Jack would want to see her and hoped he might catch her. It had worked. "My secretary will move with me, which is good. They gave her the option of staying or moving. She does good work, and she's got a lot of legal experience."
Sharon nodded, a wave of relief washing over her. She hated to constantly think about the "what if's" that could happen, to wonder if Jack was really on the straight and narrow, but she couldn't help it. She was pleased that he was keeping his seasoned secretary for many reasons.
"That's wonderful, Jack, all of it," Sharon nodded, a happy smile taking over her lips.
Jack gave her a sheepish grin, and he glanced at Emily who was completely focused on her toys. He shifted to staddle Sharon's legs, staying on his knees to keep any weight off of her, and he put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her again, the heat and intensity evident in his kiss. Sharon happily responded, her hands still supporting her as she sat back on them. Jack's fingers shifted and snaked up under her old t-shirt that was stretched now way too tight across her middle. His hands were instantly on her bulging stomach, and he intensified the kiss.
"Jack," Sharon said as they caught their breath. She pulled back and nodded to Emily.
"Right, sorry," he chuckled and moved back to sit next to her again. "Later?"
"Hmm," Sharon pursed her lips and nodded. "She does need to go to bed."
"On it," he said, springing to his feet. Sharon chuckled, and he looked down to see she was shifting to stand. He pulled her up, and the two embraced again.
"It will mean a lot more money, Sharon, but with that, comes a lot more time at the office, more hours, longer days. Criminal is no cake walk," he admitted.
She nodded, looking down, "Yes, I know. That was always the goal, though, hmm, I mean, criminal. We both knew the hours would be long. I suppose the timing doesn't help. My days and hours are changing too."
He tilted his head toward her, wondering what she had to say. She sighed, "I got a schedule change too. My new lieutenant is going to have us do four-10 hour days a week."
Jack raised his eyebrows and nodded, "That's good, right? I know the day is longer, but four days-"
"No," she frowned. "Four days on, two off and repeat, so it will go on strange schedules with weekends. I hate it," she shook her head. "I mean, I love my job. Moving to IA was a good move, but the schedule is going to be a mess. Somehow, with the schedule, we will still be at 40 hours a week, but you know with my job, it's never just that. There's always overtime. He's promising a day off here or there extra, but I don't see it."
"We'll deal with it," he nodded, his eyes locking with hers. "Ahh," he put his hand up, "I was told about a picnic for the criminal division. They invited me, and since I'll be new, I would like to go. It's in three weeks. I am hoping you can come. I want to show off my girls," he grinned, looking to Sharon and over to Emily.
She nodded, "I'll double check, but it should be okay. New schedule doesn't really start for a few weeks since the current work schedule is out."
"Let me get her to bed," Jack nodded to Emily who was still playing, "and we can maybe relax?" He eyed Sharon, she nodded with a smile, and he winked as he collected their daughter. Their lives were changing quickly, and they were working hard to make things work out for them.
The picnic afternoon finally arrived, and Sharon was able to go. She stood in front of the bedroom mirror, frowning at herself.
"I look like the watermelon we are taking to the party," she sighed, running her hand over her middle.
"I love the new dress," Jack said as he walked by, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Very sexy, Sharon."
"Yeah, sure," she huffed. "That's exactly what every woman thinks at 22 weeks pregnant. I can't believe the ultrasound suggested I'm small. I don't feel small," she sighed, turning to her side and making a face. She had a new dress on, something Jack had surprised her with. It was a strapless hot pink dress, and she knew he loved it, and she did appreciate the gesture, but she didn't love it. It fit her well, maybe too well that it really accentuated her very growing stomach. She really was all baby, as people often said.
"I look like I stuffed the watermelon up under my dress," she complained again.
He leaned around the corner, trying to get Emily ready, and he smiled at her, "It really looks great, Shar. I love it, just what you should be wearing. You're the wife of a rising criminal defense attorney," he beamed. "That dress wasn't cheap."
"Yes, yes, I know," she waved, still running her hand over her middle. "It's not the dress, Jack, just me," she huffed, even though she really felt self-conscious in the dress. It was much lower cut as a strapless than she preferred, and she was worried that holding Emily would be an issue. Emily had a lot of wandering hands, and the last thing she needed was Emily pulling on her dress. She looked over and noticed Jack was still staring at her. "You're staring."
"Can't help it," he flashed a grin. "Are you wearing your hair up in that ponytail?"
"Yes, why?" Sharon turned to him.
He shook his head, "No reason. I just, well, you know I love it down, over your shoulders. I just imagined that with the dress."
She looked up to the ceiling and took a deep breath, "Jack, it's horribly hot. It's the middle of August, and the humidity today here in L.A. is horrible. I'm four and a half months pregnant with this watermelon, and I have to have my hair off my neck. Do you really want me to take it down?"
"No," he frowned, somewhat bashful. He gave her a sympathetic smile, "You look nice, Shar. You really do."
She turned, "Thank you. I'll take it down for you later, after we are home, okay?" Jack grinned, and he reached down to grab Emily as she tried to run by him. He disappeared, and Sharon turned back to the mirror. Pink was not her color. She didn't even dress Emily in much pink, but she knew Jack loved the dress and apparently thought she still looked good. She didn't, but she was trying for him.
Physically, things between them had been going well, really well, and yet, Sharon was finding herself with less and less energy again. She knew that as she continued, she would start getting more and more tired. Her work hours were changing next week. Jack's had changed, and they were finding less and less time together at home. When they both were home in the evening, Jack usually suggested they turn in early, and well, Sharon anymore would be happy just falling asleep.
"Ready, Shar?" Jack asked, looking in at her. He saw her still at the mirror, walked over, stood behind her, and he put his hands on her sides, looking in the mirror over her shoulder. "Simply beautiful," he said, and he kissed her neck. "Let's get going to this picnic."
The picnic was fine, very nice in fact, but Sharon was hot and ready to sit. There weren't a lot of places to sit; the picnic was being held at a state park pavilion near the beach, which was nice, but there weren't a lot of tables. Many families were setting up on blankets around on the sand, but Sharon wasn't really excited about that, getting up and down so much with a toddler, with her pregnant self having trouble getting up easily. So, she stood with Jack, Emily in her arms often, as Jack was the life of the party and talking to a lot of his colleagues. Sharon continually had to pull Emily's hands off her strapless dress, rolling her eyes constantly at it. Strapless dresses and toddlers didn't mix.
"Sharon, this is my secretary, Mrs. Easton," Jack called to her. Sharon, who was turned away from them with Emily pointing at something, turned around, a bright smile on her face to greet Jack's secretary.
"Mrs. Easton, it's wonderful to finally meet you," Sharon gushed. "I've heard lovely things about you, and I appreciate you keeping Jack squared away at work."
"It's Helen," she said, patting Sharon's hand. "I'm very glad to meet you as well. Mr. Raydor, you didn't tell me that your wife was expecting! How wonderful!"
Jack gave a small shrug and he smiled at his secretary and then to Sharon, "Yeah, well, a lot going on at home and at work. This is our daughter, Emily," he gestured. Sharon shifted Emily to her other hip, and Emily's hands went to Sharon's dress.
"Yes, I apologize," Sharon sighed, pulling at Emily's hands. "She's almost two and obsessed with this dress, or at least trying to pull on it."
Helen chuckled, "I had three of my own, all grown now. They do grow quickly. You will have your hands full with two at home, so close in age. When are you due?"
"December," Sharon told her and clarified, "around December 19." She patted her stomach, "Looks like we will have a Christmas baby."
"Oh, that's wonderful, such a great gift. Mr. Raydor, I really had no idea," she said shaking her head at him. Sharon watched the interaction, and something about the way Helen said it, had Sharon tilting her head wondering. Helen had been at the firm a long time and probably knew of Jack's history with women. Sharon sighed, hoping that Helen here wasn't into gossip. She certainly didn't seem to be.
"Yes, yes," Jack said, nodding. He looked to his feet, "We are looking forward to the baby's arrival. It will be busy at home for sure."
"With you moving to criminal now too," she shook her head and smiled at Sharon, "a lot of work is put on you, then, hmm? Do you work?"
Sharon narrowed her gaze, trying to catch Jack's attention. It definitely seemed like his secretary knew nothing about them, which was fine on some levels. Jack was a professional, but at the same time, her office at least knew her husband was an attorney, and she had a family. Sharon turned back to Helen and gave her a small smile, "Yes, I am a police officer, LAPD. I work in Internal Affairs, desk job."
"Oh my!" Helen clapped her hands together. "You are just as busy as your husband. Such demanding jobs, both of you. Well, I don't know how you balance it all. I went back to work when my three were all in school, only part-time then. I went back full time about 15 years ago when my husband suddenly died. It is demanding."
"Oh, yes, yes it is," Sharon said with a sympathetic smile at Helen.
"If you two excuse me, I need to say hello to someone," Jack nodded. "Shar, maybe you and Mrs. Easton can swap stories."
Sharon gave him a nod, as did Helen, and he left, leaving the two women. Helen looked to Sharon and patted her arm, "You have a lovely family. I had no idea about the baby. I knew he had a daughter, but I'm embarrassed I didn't know. If you need anything, please let me know."
"Oh, thank you," Sharon said, patting her hand in return. "Jack is-" she paused trying to find the right word for work. "He's dedicated to the law, to his job. This promotion has been all that he's wanted for a long time. I know he had some obstacles on the way and had to prove himself, but he's on the right track."
The look Helen gave Sharon as she was describing that, Sharon saw the look and knew. Yes, Helen was very well aware of Jack's affairs and looked as if she almost wanted to say something to Sharon. Nothing was said, and the two women focused on Emily.
"Now, tell me about this little one," Helen finally said, smiling at Sharon. "I want to hear all about her."
Much later on, Jack was driving them home. Sharon was hot and exhausted, Emily the same. Emily was asleep in the car seat, and the car was quiet.
"That went well," Jack said, breaking the silence. "You have fun?"
"Yes," she said simply and picked at her dress. "I spoke with Helen for quite some time."
"Hmm," he grunted. "She's good at her job."
"I can tell," Sharon nodded. She looked to Jack, "Why didn't she know about us, about the baby?"
He shrugged and glanced to her, "I just, well, it just never came up."
Sharon eyed him, "Never came up? When was it going to come up-when you take some time off after the baby is here?"
"I can't take time off. We've talked about this," Jack glanced at her. "There's just not any time to take off in criminal law."
She hummed, but then she continued, "Well, you will have to leave work when the baby is born. I suppose I was referring to that. 'Sorry, Mrs. Easton-my wife is having a baby today' kind of comment might be a surprise."
He sighed loudly and gripped the wheel tighter, "I'm sorry, Shar. I just haven't told her. The rest of the office didn't know because it's a new group for me."
"It's fine, Jack," Sharon waved and tried to move on. "Are you going to Mass with us in the morning?"
Jack now sighed loudly and looked over at her, meeting her gaze, "I'm swamped Sharon. I would have normally worked all day today, but we had the picnic. I need to work tomorrow. I just can't. You and Emily go, enjoy."
Sharon frowned and shifted to face him more, "I was hoping you would want to come. Church isn't like taking a trip where you have fun. I mean, sure, I look forward to it, but Jack, it's something you do each week, no matter what. I hate it when I have to work on Sunday mornings. Don't you want to go?"
"I just can't, Shar," he told her, glancing her way. "You understand, right? I wanted to spend time with you tonight," he said, giving her a look, as he nodded to her. "I've been watching you in that dress all day."
Sharon put her hand to her head, "I'm worn out, Jack. I've been holding Emily most of the afternoon. I stood most of the afternoon, and this baby is giving me a run for my money. I still can't believe we have to have another ultrasound to check the size. There's no way this baby is small. I feel huge, so I'm going to head to bed."
"Okay," he said, drawing that out. "Fine, well, I'll get started with work then."
"Maybe you'll be able to go to Mass with us," Sharon asked with a hopeful smile. He shook his head.
"Just too much to do, Shar. "Can't make the big bucks without hard work, and we both know that adding the baby is going to be expensive. You two go. I'll work. It is what it is, Shar."
"Fine, Jack," she sighed, closing her eyes. She was too tired to discuss it further. "On the topic of being busy, my ultrasound again is on Friday. Were you-"
"I'll be there, Sharon," he told her. "I've told you that I will be there, and I haven't broken that promise."
Sharon nodded, thinking about his statement. No, he hadn't broken a promise to her since they'd recommitted to their marriage. For the rest of the ride home, she reflected on that, appreciating that he was keeping his promises. She rubbed her side, feeling the slight kicks she was receiving, and smiled, thinking about this life that was going to soon join their family.