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Chapter 9

Conversation About Past and Future, Part 1

A couple of weeks passed by. Halsey was slowly recovering, being able to prowl around a bit. He was impatient to run around again but he couldn't do stairs yet.

He's never far though when Frankie is home. And it seems the leader of the pack had changed again. It amuses Kara no end to command the dog with ease, while ignoring Danny's bidding completely.

Just this morning, it is playing out again. "Sit, Halsey. You have to take your meds." Danny said, exasperated as he is being completely ignored, again. Halsey continued to ignore him, following Kara around the kitchen as she made breakfast. To be fair to Halsey, Kara is the one with a plate full of bacon...

She turned a stern eye towards the German Shepherd and without further ado, he sat down beside her. She held her palm out to Danny for the pills and got it down the dog's throat in a nanosecond, causing Danny to scowl. "You are so sexist, dog." Kara fed Halsey a piece of bacon, "and you, commander, are spoiling that dog."

"You're just jealous of me being the boss." Kara smirked and ruffled the dog's fur.

"You know he's supposed to be a working dog, right? You up for getting him back into shape after all the bacon you've fed him while he's still down?" Danny said with a mock resignation in his voice.

Kara cooed at Halsey. "Poor baby. You're not better yet and he's already thinking about working you to the ground." Halsey whined and turned an 'accusatory' glance at his 'back-up' handler.

Danny was secretly pleased that Halsey knew the pecking order in the house and how homey it feels to be bantering with Kara over the dog.

With Frankie out with Debbie for the day, it was also a good time to discuss Halsey and the other issue freely with Kara.

"Well, you big baby. How do you feel about becoming a home dog?" He questioned the dog.

Kara's head bobbed up in surprise. "Are you serious?"

He shrugged. "Would you be happy with a full time house dog?"

"Of course I would. Frankie would be estactic to have him all the time. But what about his commission...? And who's going to be your backup?" Halsey is a service dog, it's not as easy as just quitting.

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You know I've been pushing paper and training new recruits since we've been back."

Kara nodded.

"As you said before there's no guarantee they won't send me back out if I'm still in. I was serious when I said I was going to retire."

She knew what he said last time and she was really touched by it, but they hadn't discussed it since and she's had time to mull it over as well.

"Danny... Being in the Navy, it's all you know, all we know. What will you do with yourself if you retire? There's a reason why you've been out there for the past few years. Retiring isn't going to magic the problems away."

She knew Danny wanted to make up for the time he'd lost with them as a family but she has to be pragmatic about this.

"Well, the Navy still needs to recruit and train new personnel, especially after the heavy losses we've taken. What do you think of me becoming a contractor for the time being, training new SEALs and K9's?"

Kara studied his face. "I think that's a great idea. But will that be enough for you? Will that be enough to keep the nightmares at bay?"

That hit Danny like a freight train. He thought he was hiding the nightmares so well . "You noticed, huh?"

"I'd have to be blind, deaf AND dumb not to notice."

Danny smiled wryly.

"When did they start?" She had an inkling, but wanted it out in the open.

"...Since Malta." Where he had taken a serious hit whilst trying to pull Miller to safety.

They both fell silent.

Danny was the first to break the silence. "Please don't be mad... I was worried I'd hurt you and Frankie... and I thought I just needed a little time to get myself together..." he tailed off, watching her face carefully for any clues of her internal state.

Kara took a deep breath to tamp down the frustration and impatience she felt towards him for keeping her in the dark for so long.

And as much as she could scream and shout at him for it, they've moved passed that point. He had tried to protect them in his way and he was telling her now.

She strode towards him and framed his stubbled cheeks in her palms. "I get it. But you never have to hide from me. In sickness and in health... those weren't just words to me. They were a promise."

"I just never want to hurt either of you..."

"And by going away you didn't?"

"No." Danny admitted, holding her gaze for a moment before looking away guilt-ridden.

"But I'm done with running now. We both know if I go out there, there's no guarantee I'll make it back. That's not what I want anymore."

"But we could just as easily be killed by a freak accident at home."

"Sweetheart, you sound like you are trying to talk me out of leaving."

Kara went to the sink and turned to look out the window, giving an exasperated sigh and said,

"You know that's not it. You've been active one way or another your whole working life. You don't know any other life. How can you be happy doing anything else?"

She really wanted him home with her and Frankie but she wants him happy too. No one deserves it more.

And ultimately if he realises he's not happy here, it could destroy all three of them.

He joined her at the window. "Back in Panama, when we heard the news about the fleet... I knew you would be there... " He swallowed hard to get through the massive lump in his throat.

She remained silent, sensing he was trying to open up. Something he'd hardly done since the started their clandestine relationship. What was it Alisha said... oh, yes... EQ of a cereal box.

"... I wanted to come back... but I told the team we had to keep going for the cause. Even without comms I didn't believe they could sink the James... I couldn't even contemple that you might be dead in that moment... Denial, I guess...Then we bumped into Pablo..."

He shut his eyes, thinking back to that day...