Chapter Ten: Impossible Choices

Mami stood slowly, bracing herself as she went, trying to keep from falling over; she was still shaking from the revelation. "I understand now. I know what's going on." She pulled a rifle from the air, forgoing her usual transformation. "I know why I'm here." She spun around, revealing a maddened smile, and aimed her weapon at Madoka.

"M-Mami!" Madoka stumbled backward, terrified.

"I'm the safety," Mami said sternly, an overwhelming desperation in her eyes as she kept pace with Madoka. "If things get this fouled up, I'm the trigger that resets the world. You don't know what Jeanne showed me. You don't know what's in Homura's mind. You don't know what she thinks. She loves me. You're a child to her. You'll always be a child to her. The only Madoka she cares about is her goddess. I can be something to her. Something that you can't."

"B-but-" Madoka staggered as she backed up against the wall.

Mami stopped, maintaining her distance from Madoka. "You're just a cheap imitation." Wild tears ran down her cheeks, and her smile grew wider. "She'll never love you. She can't love a half-finished copy like you. The Madoka she knows has died for her a hundred times. She gave up her soul, living an eternity in absolute isolation, to save magical girls from the torture of becoming witches. What have you done for her? Nothing. You've done nothing for her. I won't let you get in the way of my family." Her voice cracked. "I'm sorry, Madoka. I hope we can be friends again next time."

／/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\＼

I shot up in bed, gasping for breath. The morning light filtered through the windows into the hospital room, a slight breeze pushing the curtains around, casting dancing shadows on the walls. The air was sweet and clean.

I turned my head quickly, looking for Kyubey, and I was overwhelmed by a feeling of déjà-vu; I knew exactly where I was and what was going on, but the world was too different to be the one in my mind. I reached for my soul gem. In its place was a small ring, and again I was assaulted by the sort of déjà-vu I had just previously experienced; the ring was similar to the one which was formed when concealing my soul gem, but it contained no power.

"Oh, good, you're up, kiddo. The doctor said you should be awake soon. Just don't try to get out of bed yet; you might be weak after being in and out of sleep for two days, from whatever medication it was that they gave you."

"Dad?"

"You sound surprised." He opened the door the rest of the way and walked in, taking a seat at the foot of my bed. "You need to stop exerting yourself so much. I know the doctor told you to start exercising your heart more now, but you need to take it slow. You can't just go at it as hard as you can."

He put his hand on my leg, and again the déjà-vu returned. This time, it was memories of the world, how things would have been at the end of the month had I never become a magical girl.

"Oh, one of your classmates asked if she could come visit. She should be here in a minute; she wanted to get a drink."

I looked to the door as I heard footsteps approaching.

"H-Hello, Homura..."

"Mami?"

"You're surprised to see her, too?" My dad laughed. "Well, I'll leave you two to talk." With that, he patted my leg and walked out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

Mami walked over to me, slowly. "Do you remember?" Her voice shook, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. "Please tell me you remember. Tell me that you remember me. Tell me that you remember us. Tell me that I'm not crazy." Slowly, she climbed onto my bed, crawling next to where I lay. "Tell me I'm not crazy. Tell me you remember Jeanne. Tell me... Tell me you still love me."

"Of course I remember," I replied. "But you should not. When you killed Madoka-"

"But I didn't!" Mami protested. "I didn't kill her!" The tears came in full force. "I... I..."

"It's alright," I said, wrapping my arms around her. She fell and wept into my shoulder. "Are you still a magical girl?" She nodded. "Can you bring Kyubey to me?"

"Who are you, and why do you want me?" Kyubey asked as he jumped from the windowsill onto my bed.

"I want to make a contract. I have my wish. You can still work miracles, right?"

"Of course, but I cannot contract with you. You have no potential energy."

I grabbed him by the neck and held him inches from my face. "I am the only thing holding this universe together. I am the reason that Madoka has so much power. You will grant my wish."

"Madoka is an average magical girl. Your memories state that your powers were based on the preservation of her life through the infinite time stream, which caused her power to feed, cyclically, back into itself. As you have no powers, you could not have forced the cyclic power feed, leaving Madoka to a normal power level. It would seem, as she did not save you and, therefore, the bond between you did not form, that it was you who was the factor which led to her death."

／/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\＼

"YOU TOOK MY FRIENDS AWAY FROM ME!"

／/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\＼

The world snapped into focus. In my hands was Mami's severed head.

I looked down to the sight of myself drenched in blood, a number of Sayaka's swords shoved through my chest.

／/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\＼

"I'M GOING TO TAKE EVERYTHING FROM YOU, UNTIL YOU CAN'T STAND TO LIVE ANYMORE!"

／/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\＼

Author's Notes:

I'm back! It's been, what, eight years since my last update? Fuck. Sometimes, life hits you and you gotta run with it for a while, and sometimes that run takes you through a college degree, a career change, and the publication of a short story which has spiraled out of control and become the first chapter in a novel. Sometimes that run takes you through deaths in the family and the complete restructuring of your life that can go with it. Sometimes that run takes you through redesigning yourself, sometimes more than once.

I don't think I could have finished this story, back then. But I think I can, now.

EDIT: Formatting should be fixed. Thanks to everyone who let me know it was broken.