Chapter seventeen

Hawkeye gave Roy a look telling him that she wanted to have a word with him. Roy wasn't about to refuse. You didn't refuse her when she looked at you like that.

And so Roy gave her a little nod before looking back at the kid on the bed. "Benjamin, I'll just have a word with Captain Hawkeye, and then we're going home."

The boy just looked up at Roy like he had sprouted an extra head.

Havoc smiled and took a seat on the edge of the bed that Roy wasn't sitting on. "Then we'll talk until then, right Guv?"

Benjamin smiled weakly at that and nodded, and so Roy stood up and walked over to the furthest corner of the room, out of the boy's line of vision. "You look like you have something you want me to do, Captain?" Roy said quietly, leaning slightly back against the wall.

"I think that it would help Ben if he could have some sort of memorial in your garden. He can't have a funeral and he's still a kid. Having somewhere he could go to "talk with his dad" would probably help him not feel like he's swapping his father out by being with you. And I think it would make him less hostile towards you when you're letting him acknowledge his loss. If there are no names and no pictures involved in the memorial, then anyone who comes visiting will only assume that it is for his family that was killed in England. Doing it together would work as a bonding exercise."

Roy gave a relieved sigh. "Hawkeye, you're a genius."

She gave him a very faint smile as she shoved an envelope at him. "Here's his money. Good luck, sir."

Roy nodded and went back to Benjamin and Havoc. "Come on, kiddo, let's go home."

The boy looked at him strangely, but he nodded and got out of the bed carefully, and Roy steadied him by holding his left elbow.

"I'll tell the doctor that you're leaving, sir," Hawkeye said, before giving Benjamin a hug that the boy was obviously more than happy to return. "And you be sure to use your money for whatever you want to, Ben, you've earned it. You don't have to worry about savings accounts or anything boring like that, because that's not your job, okay?"

"Are you certain, Miss Riza? It's an awful lot of money," Benjamin said.

Roy was faintly amused to see the motherly look in her eyes as she held the boy by his shoulders, looking right at him with an encouraging smile. "Absolutely. Money earned from something as fun as that poem should be used for something equally fun."

The boy went quiet, before he leaned up and whispered something into her ear, which earned a smile from her. "If that is what you want, then that is a very nice thing of you. You'll just have to ask Kain for the address."

Roy had some horrible thought strike him that the boy was about to buy another pet.

The boy got an extra hug from the Captain, then he turned around to look at Roy, smiling brightly. "I want to donate my earnings."

Well, donations were better than buying, Roy had to say. "That's very noble of you. What sort of organisation are you thinking of?"

"Mister Kain told me about how there's a rabbit rescue centre here. They take excellent care of their animals and do a quality check of their new owners, but it costs a lot because they get large cages inside and large pens outside to get sufficient exercise to be happy and healthy."

Roy raised his eyebrow. "That is a very kind thing. I'm sure we can go there on the way home."

"Thank you. Our neighbours used to keep rabbits for pets, but when money and food supplies were short, then they would eat them... I would like to contribute to them living happy lives instead."

Roy paused a bit. The kid really had lived through a war. And he could see how that was very horrifying for such an impressionable young boy and an animal lover to boot. "Don't mention it. Like she said, it's your money. We'll ask Fuery about it."

The boy nodded and turned to his honorary uncle, ending up with being lifted up into the air by the strong soldier, and Benjamin gave a little giggle as he was swung around once, despite his size.

Roy got an odd feeling at the sight. When he had first met the Elrics, then Alphonse had only been a year older than Benjamin. He'd been trapped in hell, and yet he kept sweet and at least partially innocent. And that was almost without any sort of family left.

Roy had a sudden epiphany of sorts. Maybe the way to go wouldn't be to replace Benjamin's father, but just give him an older brother of sorts? To simply take on a role that nobody had had in the young boy's life. Become some new addition that wasn't a threat to the boy's loyalty to his father. At least in the beginning. It could let things become a lot less tense. That would let them get to know each other in a far less daunting manner for both of them.

It was worth a shot at the very least.

Ben was happy. The manager of the rescue centre had begun crying after the General had confirmed that the money was not earned from any sort of illicit business.

And so the manager had given Ben something in thanks from the little shop that the rescue centre ran to earn a little extra as it was rather popular for families to come by and buy souvenirs with rabbit motifs.

Meaning that Ben was currently carrying a life-size, plush Cretan lop. It had grey artificial fur and was really soft and lovely to hold. And so Ben had thanked the kind lady profusely as they left, and she was now waving at them as they drove off.

"His name is George," Ben stated, hugging him tightly.

"As names go, that's not a bad one," the General said. "Listen, Benjamin, there are a couple of things I want to talk to you about."

Ben could tell from his manner that this was about his family and he felt his stomach clench. "What's going on?"

"I had a thought earlier... Because I don't know how to be a father and you don't really want me to replace him, do you?"

Ben thought about it, and he still couldn't imagine anybody replacing Dad. He didn't want to replace him. Never. It was an insult to the man that Ben had loved more than anyone. That he still did.

He felt tears pressing and dug the good side of his face into George's head. "Nobody can replace Dad. Never."

"Which is why I have a suggestion. Why don't I take on a role that nobody has had in your life? Instead of me being your awkward father-but-not-really-at-all, why don't I just be an estranged big brother of sorts? One that you haven't met before who is in a strange country and works in the military and is twenty-five years older than you? You already have uncles, but you haven't had a big brother before... So wouldn't that work to give us the cleanest slate possible in this situation? I won't be replacing anyone you care about and it might take the pressure off us somewhat."

Ben paused. That didn't sound too bad. It sounded better than how it was now. This way, Dad could stay Dad and would never be replaced. So even if Ben didn't particularly like the General, then it could work better the way that he had proposed that they do things. "Is that why you are behaving this way? You want to start with a clean slate?"

The General sighed. "Yes. The last few days have been busy, I've slept badly, I've been stressed and I've had a lot of work to do... But now I've got the afternoon off so that we can sort things out somewhat."

Ben felt tears in his eyes and his stomach was twisting painfully. Because Dad was gone. Everyone were gone and it hurt. It hurt so much all the time. And still...

"Why do you have to sound like him?! Why do you have to smell like him?! Look like him?! Why is the only thing that visually separates you the fact that your eye is gone?! I don't want this! I want to be home with Dad and for all of this to be a nightmare! I want to wake up back home and have Dad hug me and tell me that it's okay because it was all a bad dream and then I could fall asleep in his arms again and I JUST WANT MY DAD BACK! If I had him, then I could do this! I could take it because Dad would be there because EVERYTHING HURTS! EVERYTHING HURTS BECAUSE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS GONE AND I NEED MY DAD! I WANT HIM BACK!" Ben felt like he was bursting. Exploding. Crumbling with all the pain. Because he needed his Dad more than ever, but he was gone and that what made it hurt so much more.

And then he just wailed and sobbed with misery.

Roy parked the car along the nearest piece of pavement he could find that was legal. The boy's wails were giving him goosebumps and reminding him far too much of Ishbal for Roy to stay focused on driving. And even without the reminder, he wasn't exactly keen on ignoring the kid. It was the first time that the boy had broken down completely in front of him and Roy was beginning to realise something that made his stomach churn.

Benjamin was actually in many ways worse off than the remaining Ishbalan refugees. Because Benjamin had no-one. And he didn't even have a god that he believed in. He didn't have any fellow survivors. He had seen his family slaughtered, lost his eye and been killed.

The kid had lost his life in every sense, but he was alive to know it. And he had a constant reminder in the way that he spoke oddly, which meant that everyone sounded so-called "American" and further reminded him of how he didn't belong here.

And so Roy just looked down at the sobbing and wailing kid and found himself with a dilemma. Because he would hurt Benjamin by hugging him, but by not doing so, he'd be hurting the kid anyways.

If the boy would hurt either way, then wouldn't it be better for him to at least receive some sort of physical, human comfort? If he had managed to fall asleep like he did two nights ago, then shouldn't that suggest that it was better than leaving him alone?

Well, there's only one way to figure it out...

And so Roy put his arms around the boy and the plush rabbit and pulled him onto his lap, feeling more awkward than he had ever done before.

And the worst thing about it all was that Roy also did it because he needed something that would make him feel like he wasn't about to kill the kid with a snap of his fingers. He needed something that counteracted the wave of nausea that those wails brought on.

...Because the only time he had heard children howling with grief in this way had been when Roy had been standing there in the ruins of Ishbal and was about to finish that particular round of extermination.

And an awkward hug was far better than snapping his fingers all over again.

The kid paused with a tearful hiccough, but then he broke down into sobs again and clutched the front of Roy's uniform in his hands as he sobbed into Roy's chest.

Roy didn't know what to say, though. He was crossing some odd boundary and speaking could ruin whatever this was.

And so Roy just held the sobbing child, desperately wishing that Maes Hughes had still been alive to help him out.

When the kid stopped sobbing, he still stayed on Roy's lap, but obviously didn't dare look up at him. "Th-thanks..." he whispered hoarsely. "You... You feel and smell like him... And it... it hurts... But... But pretending that you're just my oddly big big brother... it makes it easier... Then... Then it could just be like it is with me... What with how much I look like Dad... I just... i-it hurts... everything... everything hurts..."

Roy paused. What the hell was he even supposed to say to that? What sort of comfort could he offer when he was "the Hero of Ishbal"? He had no right to say that he understood. Yes, he had lost his parents when he was young, but in all honesty, looking back on it as a grownup with all the pain that he had caused and seen, then Roy couldn't help but think that he had got off easy himself. And the kid was going through something far worse than Roy had. But you don't comfort a grieving kid by telling them that you have no idea how bad they must have it.

So instead he decided to stroke the boy's back slightly.

Roy thought the kid was crying again, but then he realised that he was laughing. It was only to be expected, it was normal enough. When you reacted to grief and emotional pain, then once you were done sobbing, if something was just a bit funny, it could quickly become hilarious then and there.

He still had no idea what was funny, though. "Benjamin?"

The boy chuckled a bit more. "I just had a thought... Because you're a soldier, and suggesting that we be "brothers", but I'm not a soldier, so we cannot be "brothers in arms"... But we're both missing our left eyes, which means that we can be "brothers in eyes"... And do you know what that makes you?"

Roy decided that humouring the boy was the best way to do this. If the kid was going to be emotionally exhausted enough to give them a chance at making things work out a bit better, then Roy was going to use it for all it was worth. "No?"

The kid giggled. "That makes you my left eye-bro."

Roy felt his mouth twitch in something that was a strange mixture of embarrassment on both their behalves, possibly some irritation, and with a faint trace of amusement. "I don't know if that's a terrible or a brilliant pun."

The kid hid his face in Roy's chest. "That's still what I'll be calling you from now on. You wanted a clean slate, and that would not work if I keep calling you by your rank. So now you're Eyebro, because I can't... I just can't call you Roy... I just can't." And then he got off of Roy's lap and hugged his plush bunny to him, looking out the side window. "What was the other thing you wanted to talk about?"

"I was thinking that we could make a memorial in my garden."

The young boy froze and stayed quiet for over a minute.

"Benjamin?" Roy asked uncertainly.

"That... that would be n-nice..." the boy whispered tearfully, still looking away. "Th-thank you."

So, as Amestris is partially based on Germany, I decided to make the French lop into a Cretan one ;)

And so I ask once more for reviews. (But please no flames, they are really discouraging)