Chapter 17: Breakdowns. So many Breakdowns.
The Doctors pov:
(Flashback start)
The Doctor was running through the battlefield. Screams and the twisted voices shouting 'Exterminate' filling the air around him. The scent of fire and burning flesh in his every inhale. Everything around him was nothing else than a chaotic battle field with no end in sight. Suddenly it all fell silent. As he looked around… he noticed. He was the only one left.
The Doctor woke up with a scream. He barely registered his surroundings. All he could focus on were the sounds, the scents, the constant pain and how they were all dead. He had killed them all. There was nothing left. Because of him!
The Doctor hadn't even realized in his hazed condition that he had been walking (stumbling would be the more accurate) before he noticed the wall which were currently a few inches away from his nose.
Gritting his teeth, The Doctor hit the wall in pure rage. He hit it over and over not caring one bloody bit that his knuckles had started bleeding. Why couldn't he had been a bit smarter? Think a bit faster? Maybe then he would have come up with a better solution.
He kept on hitting even as tears started streaming down his face. The punches slowed until The Doctor broke down completely. Sliding down the wall The Doctor sat on the floor in one of The TARDIS's corridors.
The Doctor felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. Looking up he could see Mary (she had switched around a bit but always seemed to come back to that one so far) leaning over him with a worried face.
For a moment they just looked at one another in silence. This was not the first time it had happened and it would all probabilities considered not be the last time either of them had a breakdown in some form.
The Doctor was therefore not surprised in the least when she silently sat down next to him before pulling him into an embrace. Not saying a word, she started humming a comforting tune.
Always the same one. The Doctor hadn't the slightest clue where the melody was from, but he nevertheless found it soothing. The Doctor felt the Time Lady's mind lean against his in what would be the mental equivalent of a hug. Closing his eyes, he drifted off to sleep to the comforting melody and emotions.
(Flashback end)
This was the memory along with many others of similar nature that flashed through The Doctors head as he dodged the attacks aimed at him by the currently enraged Time Lady. Who was in firm belief that he had apparently.
"Eaten my sandwich!"
Yeah. Well, wasn't this bloody fantastic? In all seriousness though. This was not good. She was getting buried in her memories. The Doctor could see her eyes steadily turning more unfocused by the minute.
Usually when this happened, she would just turn more forgetful and maybe slip into a memory before excusing herself off to bed, but this time.
This time The Doctor was steadily becoming more uncertain if she even remembered she needed to go do what she liked to call 'maintenance on my brain'!
"That was my sandwich you imbecile!"
She shouted. Grabbing her head, she crouched down as her voice suddenly got a hysterical edge.
"It's mine. To eat and eat and eat and eat."
Alright, The Doctors worry had from this point on reached one of the critical levels. Mary suddenly stood up straight and bit out angrily with a stoic expression.
"Sit. Down."
"Right then. That's enough."
The Doctor marched over to the memory confuzzled Time Lady intent on making mental contact to help her break out of her confused state.
Reaching out to the currently stoic looking Time Lady who was standing still as a statue staring at… something. That all changed as The Doctors hands rested on her temples as he tried to access her mind.
As soon as she registered the attempt, she shoved him violently away.
"NO!"
She thundered. Eyes gaining a greater focus.
"This is MY MIND! I'm the only entity that supposed to be in MY MIND! I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND! Nobody else! No filthy little parasite. No Puppet. JUST! ME!"
She bit out through gritted teeth. Cradling her head. She started rapidly mumbling.
"One, two, three, four. The heartbeat of a Time Lord goes one, two, three, four."
Over and over again on loop. Suddenly she snapped her head in his direction. Eyes gaining a greater focus as she looked at him. Then she seemed to notice. His worried, borderline panicked expression. Scrambling over to him her voice dropped down in a whisper.
"Shh. No emotions. Don't feel any new emotions."
Letting out a laughter with a manic edge she continued whispering.
"They will take them and twist them. Amplify or erase them. Until you can't even remember what you were feeling in the first place. And then…"
Her voice shifted into song.
"Suddenly you lose your way and lose the thread."
"Lose your cool and lose your head."
Her body tilted from side to side as she continued singing.
"Every loss is harder to excuse."
"Then you'll see you lose your faith and lose your soul."
She threw her arms up in the air as she sang.
"Till you lose complete control."
"And realize there's nothing left to lose"
She looked at him with a soul deep weariness in her eyes as she sang the last line softly.
"Nothing left to lose…"
"Will they ever stop?"
She asked him quietly as a single tear ran down her cheek. Dropping into a dead faint a second after.
Holding the now unconscious Time Lady close to his chest The Doctor wanted to cry. He had been absolutely useless. She had been drowning in her memories.
Painful memories at that and he might as well have been a cardboard cut-out or a bloody mannequin (not of the auton kind thank you very much).
The Doctor inhaled shakingly and tried to focus on what he could do. Put her to bed? Yes, putting her to bed seemed like a fantastic thing to do right about now. Alright, putting her to bed.
After he had tucked her in. The Doctor sat down on the jump-seat in the console room contemplating what she said while buried in her memories. There had been so much and he would not be forgetting any of it any time soon, but two things stood out.
So… if he had understood it right then her name was The Professor? Then there was the wording she had used as she screamed at him after he had tried to make telepathical contact…
Why did it always have to be him? The Doctor hid his face in his hands and wondered what in Rassilons name The Master had gone and done now.
Authors note: New chapter. So… yeah that's the angle I'm going for at the moment. The Doctor thinks The Master is connected, but not that Missy is The Master. Just letting you know. It's gonna take a while until he suspects differently. Besides that. Hope you liked the new chapter!
Oh, and about that melody Missy was humming during the flash back… I have decided on what song she would be humming on ages ago! You will get a cookie if you guess correctly which song I've picked. Btw. About the actual song in this chapter… Just thought 'Nothing left to lose' from the Tangled series was fitting.