Sobered from our walk, Gerard kisses the back of my hand and sends me off, but not before giving me his number. Just for coffee or another three- and half-hour conversation about life. Normal, right?

Walking in a happy daze, I find Christian sitting in the lobby, his head in his hands. What the hell?

"Christian?" I ask in surprise.

"Ana," he breathes out, "hi." He had a sad smile that was only made more apparent by his gaunt face.

"How long have you been waiting here?" I ask.

"I came by to explain some things. Kate and Elliot-"

"Not this again…" I sigh but decide that I should at least hear the new shit he's going to spew without starting another argument. I'm too fucking tired. But I was not inviting him up to my place, "Let's get some coffee." I motion for him to follow me to the twenty-four-hour café down the block. Not waiting for him to come and follow me, I walk back into the streets.

Before I even turn the corner, Christian has started walking in step with me. And once we had our coffee in hand, we found a booth at the corner of the cafe and eventually fell into amicable silence.

"So… Why were you at my place?" I finally ask, not in the mood to play games.

"I wanted to talk to you without Elliot and Kate…"

I bite back a laugh. "I feel like we only talk when you want to," I reply exasperatedly. "When it fits your schedule, it's always about you. It's always been about you, even in high school, Christian. Your well-being is the only thing that matters, but what about me?" I ask, throwing my hands up, "When it suits you, you come to me. When it's good for you, you come and interrupt my life, well I'm sick of it."

I was exasperated, "Listen, Christian, I don't want to keep doing this with you. You disappeared again; I thought that we were making some progress when you came barging into my place all those weeks ago. I showed you a part of me."

"I-" he interjects.

I hold my hand out to silence him, "No." I close my tired eyes for just a moment to gather my thoughts, "What makes you think I should even listen to you and the shit you spew. I've been going through a fucked-up cycle, where I miss your presence because in some fucked way I feel connected to my son. But then I feel like shit for even feeling that way and then all this hate for you comes up again… it makes me feel just… so fucked up." I shake my head in annoyance. "I won't want to feel this way anymore, and it's not healthy for me. I need you to stop doing this; I refuse to have you come in and out of my life whenever you want to disrupt it.

"If you want to be friends, then we can work on that… obviously not immediately, but I wouldn't be opposed to it because despite how I feel for you, you're the closest connection that I have to Christopher. But I am refusing to keep doing this shit with you." I stand up from the booth.

"This is never going to change."

"Ana, please stop," he sighs and grabs my wrist.

"Let go, now," I hiss.

"I'm sorry," he looks down and resembles a chastised child. I roll my eyes but hesitantly sit back down.

"Thank you," he finally looks up and he exhales deeply. "I've missed you so much," he fidgets in his seat. "I didn't want to stay away from you, I didn't want to… but Elliot told me I should."

"What does he have to do with it?" I raise an eyebrow at him. This should be fucking good.

"He told me to stay away…"

"And you listened to him?" I raise a brow.

He looks at me with pained eyes, "He told me that I needed to give you some time… but then Kate asked me to come and it all snowballed from there. It's not all his fault, I felt guilty as it was. You wouldn't have lost our baby if I were with you. If you were able to talk to me then-"

"But you listened to him anyway? Weeks, Christian, fucking weeks, you opened me up to just disappear. You're the same person, you haven't changed one fucking bit." I shake my head.

"Ana, I'm lost here, I don't know what to do-"

"You're so infuriating."

"Ana, I'm sorry… I've hurt you too much," he pauses. "I don't want to keep hurting you, so I stayed away. You were always the best part of my life, and it was the last time I have felt any form of happiness."

"Christian," I soften my tone, "I'm not that person anymore. This person that you have built up in your head doesn't exist anymore and I don't think that you should keep holding onto that version of me." I don't trust Christian or his false promises, it only leads to heartbreak. "I can't let you in anymore, you've hurt me too many times. And you just showed me that you really haven't changed. You're the same guy from all those years ago, selfish and self-centred."

"I fucked up," he whispers, more to himself than me. He runs his hands through his hair, disgruntled "Anastasia Rose Steele, I vow if you give me this one last chance, I will be there for you, I'll be whatever you need. Everyday. You were the best part of me, and I played a large role in breaking you down. Breaking your spirit and taking away the future that you should have had. I should have stuck by you and given you everything that you deserve, and now that I found you, I can't let you go."

"No, not anymore." All of his words are breaking down the carefully placed bricks around my heart, and if I remained in his presence, I would completely lose it all. I slide out of the booth so I can protect what was left of me, but before I could stand up, he was in front of me.

Kneeling in front of me, he stops and grabs hold of my hands. Taking one big breath I can feel his hands shaking. Then out of nowhere, he begins to sing… No joke or a dream.

"…I could stay away just to hear you breathing.

Watch you smile while you are sleeping.

While you're far away and dreaming.

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender.

I could stay lost in this moment forever.

Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure."

"Holy shit, Christian get up! Get up!" I hiss, trying to pull him up. Despite my cajoling, he keeps singing. "What the hell is wrong with you? They're all staring…" I tried pulling him up, but he was too heavy. "God, that guy is videotaping us." I bend my head further wishing that something would engulf me. I could feel the telltale sign of my embarrassment, I usually don't blush as much anymore… but this was not one of those days. I blushed a raging crimson and I could feel beads of sweat pooling on my hairline.

"I don't want to miss one smile

I don't want to miss one kiss

I just want to be with you

Right here with you, just like this

I just want to hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all the rest of the time… YEAH YEAH YEAH!"

HOLY FUCK, he just belted that last part. I tried to pull my hands away, but he stared into my eyes and for a split second we were kids from all those years ago, dancing in his family's living room during our second Christmas together.

"I don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you, babe,

And I don't want to miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you, babe,

And I don't want to miss a thing."

"Christian, I love this song," I giggle in his arms.

"I love you," Christian whispers into my hair.

"I love you more," I mumble, letting a lone tear escape. Christmas break of senior year will be spent together, and currently, his family was out grocery shopping for the large dinner in a couple of days. This left us to our own devices and that meant in soft conversation about our future. His large warm, decoration filled home was a welcome reprieve from the coldness of my father's house.

"Can you play it for me?" I ask, pulling away from him and turning off the stereo system.

"Of course," he acquiesces, taking me to their piano.

He sits us both on the bench and he begins to play and then follows with his beautiful raspy voice.

"I don't want to miss a thing…"

A server comes over scolding us, what took him so long? Couldn't he have stopped him a few bars ago? "Sir, you're disrupting the other patrons, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Sorry, we were just about to," I looked at him apologetically. "Let's go, Christian!"

Giving the server a generous tip we both exited the café. We both looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"What the hell was that?" I ask.

"That was for you," he gives me a playful smile. "As I recall it that song was your guilty pleasure."

"How did you remember?"

"I never forgot," he simply answers and just like that I felt that twinge of warmth when life was just a little bit less complicated. It might be the lack of sleep and my first-hand and second-hand embarrassment for him that made me break down. The nostalgia was making me feel loopy and if I were being completely honest I wanted to keep feeling that warmth again. It was like putting on an old sweater.

We were both standing under the streetlight, "Can I give you a hug?" he asks, his face only slightly hopeful.

A few seconds pass and I nod my head. I wanted to feel that same warmth again.

He wraps me in a tight hug and kisses my forehead, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything," he whispers into my hair. "There's not much that I can do about what happened in the past, but what I can offer you is my undying support and love. I love and care for you enough to take what you can give me, if all you can offer me is half a friendship, I will be the best half-friend you can ever have. And I hope one day I can be one of your full best friends, but like I said I will happily take whatever you allow me to have."

I hug him back tighter, "This is all so fucked up. I never thought I would ever see you again, let alone be hugging you in the middle of the street." I finally release him and back away slightly, "And you're right, I can't be anything more to you than just friends. Though this has been a long time coming and I know I have to forgive you completely before I can fully heal."

"I will be anything you need, Ana," he promises.

"No more disappearing?"

"No more, I have lost you one too many times to know that life without you again would be unbearable."