Peeves and Pollux
One Sunday in mid-November, James laid down his rag long enough to examine his progress in the courtyard. The walls had been completely scrubbed out, the ivy trimmed, and the moss removed. All that was left was the single archway above him, which James had already started to polish. Smiling despite the stiff spot in his back, James estimated he would only need one more day to finish with Pollux's punishment.
Gifting his rag to the house-elf watching him, James dragged himself back up to his dormitory before the night could grow too late. Happier than he had been in a long time, he whistled a melody on the way up the stairs and discovered that the others were still awake.
"Almost out of Azkaban!" James announced, leaping onto his soft four-poster.
Looking up from his textbook across the room, Remus smiled. "How much longer do you think you have?"
"Just a night left!"
"Bully, maybe we'll actually get to see each other during the day!" Sirius spoke up from his four-poster. He had finished his detentions nearly a week before James; Pollux had apparently decided that his behavior had improved enough to justify his release.
"Too bad we won't all be back together," Remus spoke up, covering a massive yawn. "I'll be gone before you wake up, before anyone is roaming the corridors. At the very least, being prefect is right useful for getting around when others can't."
"Give the Whomping Willow a hug for me, will you?" James told him. Shaking his head, Remus turned and read silently while the others drifted off to sleep.
The next day, James attended Care of Magical Creatures with Sirius and Peter, giving careful attention to the lesson on Porlocks so Remus could use his notes later. Nothing much of interest occurred during the class, mostly because the dwarfish, goat-like creatures repeatedly attempted to cover themselves with mounds of earth to hide from the students, and James was surprised that Professor Kettleburn did not deem the species too tame for the class. Upon remembering the Jabberwock, however, he did not point this out to anyone else.
About halfway through the period, Hagrid stepped through one of the feed buckets trying to catch a Porlock for the students' sake, and he had to tromp back to his hut to remove it. Some of the students snickered when the bucket clanged over stray stones, and Snape scoffed a short distance from James.
"It's a wonder that oversized oaf doesn't scare away every animal we study."
"Hagrid's excellent with magical beasts, you know that," James retorted, shooting him a glare. "The only person who would scare them away is you."
Holding his response as if a thought had just struck him, Snape quickly scanned over the other students before turning back to James. "Where's Lupin?"
"Why? Miss him?" James joked, but his heartbeat quickened. Narrowing his eyes, Snape studied James closely until he spoke again. "He was feeling down today, not that you'd care. We're covering for him."
Unable to read Snape's black eyes, James held his breath until he finally turned away. "I can tell that much," Snape muttered under his breath, and he walked away before James had the chance to answer.
At the lesson's conclusion, James prepared to endure another tortuous period in Defense Against the Dark Arts with the rest of the Gryffindor fifth-years. Sirius seemed even less thrilled, but James saw that he had remembered to keep his feet from resting on the top of his desk, an action that had earned him the removal of ten House points the last time Pollux had caught him. To make up for the restriction, Sirius sat sideways on his chair and threw his legs out as far as they could reach, almost like he was hoping that Pollux would trip over him when pacing down the row of desks.
"Turn your books to the chapter on jinxes and curses," Pollux ordered from the front of the classroom, and the swishing of thin paper met his words. "I presume that you've read up on the Enlargement Jinx in all its variants. This is a much more powerful form of the Engorgement Charm, which even toddlers should be able to grasp, but the jinx form was designed to manipulate the human body. If you all would join me at the front of the classroom, we can begin practicing on the provided mannequins."
Sliding to his feet, James made to join the other students at the far wall, but he stopped when he saw Sirius still sitting down with his arms crossed. Spotting his grandson as well, Pollux narrowed his slit-like eyes until they had almost completely disappeared.
"Get up," he growled.
"There's no way I'm practicing a new spell in the same room as you, not after what happened last time!" Sirius objected, still not moving. "You'll just end up hexing one of us again!"
After a small pause, during which the other students exchanged glances, Pollux hardened his jaw and spoke. "I only discipline ill-mannered students such as yourself."
"Which is all the more reason for me to stay here," Sirius shot back. "You always have your favorites to push around."
Nostrils flaring, Pollux opened his mouth to shout back, but James interjected before Pollux could speak. Remembering how Lily had defended him before, he said, "Sirius is right, isn't he? No use in learning a jinx before we know how to correct it, is there?" Pollux looked as though he might be cowed into admitting his wrong, but in satisfaction of his victory, James pushed his luck too far. "Or were you planning on landing one of us in the hospital wing?"
"You will stand up," Pollux snarled as his face flashed red, whirling on Sirius, "and accompany your mate Potter to my office this instant."
After a moment's shocked silence, Lily spoke up. "But Professor, we haven't even—"
"SILENCE!" Pollux barked, rounding on her, and she clapped her mouth shut. Continuing more calmly, Pollux added, "Today's class is canceled in favor of a work period. If you are truly concerned about your classwork, Ms. Evans, I suggest that you use the extra time to practice what spells the wizard-born students in this class are already familiar with."
Turning as red as her hair, Lily did not speak as Pollux brushed past the remaining students and ignored their hanging jaws. "Come!" he snapped at James and Sirius, and Sirius pushed away from his desk with a clatter to stomp after his roommate.
Fists held against his sides, James wondered what sort of torment Pollux would have in store for them. Whatever it was, it was sure to be bad, since Pollux had taken the liberty to escort them all the way to his office. If he had attacked James in the middle of a class period, what might he do without anyone else to watch?
Before they could whisk into a door on the right, Pollux stopped and faced the boys with his hand poised over the doorknob.
"Stay on your best behavior, whatever that might be," he told the two of them with a half-smile. "I may have guests."
Upon opening the door, Pollux moved inside first. James only had Dumbledore's and McGonagall's offices to compare Pollux's with, but he immediately noticed how much darker the room was. On the back wall, two oblong windows were covered by forest green curtains, and coupled with the unlit fireplace to the left, the place reminded James of Sirius' living room. Patterned green velvet stretched across the floor, walls, and ceiling, and a few candles illuminated a bust of Pollux's likeness on the desk in the center of the room. Only two stools were placed in front of the desk, and one of them was already taken.
"Grandfather!" a woman's voice cried out, and James felt his mouth fall open as Sirius' cousin Bellatrix opened her arms and walked into the light. A dark-haired man standing in the corner turned, nearly a head's length over Bellatrix. Next to him, another, even taller man was holding his hands behind his back, staring right through Pollux and the boys as if they were clothed in James' Invisibility Cloak. Stopping just shy of Pollux, Bellatrix twirled her drawn wand and smirked slightly.
"We thought that you'd forgotten about us," she told him.
"Of course not. I had a class to administer," Pollux explained, and Bellatrix's gaze moved down to James and Sirius. Before, it seemed, her smile had not quite been reaching her eyes, because they came alive when she spotted the two of them.
"Is my little cousin in trouble?"
"Something of the sort," Pollux answered, and Bellatrix's grin widened.
"I only earned a detention once during my time at Hogwarts," she said, and James was unsure whether she was speaking to Pollux, Sirius, or herself. She seemed like the sort of person to enjoy the sound of her own voice. "I had hexed a student who was foolish enough to anger me, but I was more careful after that. I was never caught again."
"Rodolphus," Pollux greeted the taller of the two wizards. "And this must be . . ."
"Rabastan," Rodolphus introduced with as little mouth movement as he could muster. "My brother."
"It's a pleasure," Pollux said, taking Rabastan's hand and shaking it briefly. "The Lestrange family is well-respected in London."
"Eet eez a welcoming place," Rabastan acknowledged with a nod, and James noticed that his voice was distinctly higher and more accented than his brother's.
"What are you all doing here?" Sirius interjected, but Pollux silenced him with a sharp look.
"You're facing disciplinary measures as it is, so don't let me hear any lip!" he threatened.
"We're visiting, cousin," Bellatrix answered Sirius much more agreeably. "Whatever you may wish, Hogwarts can't turn us away at the gate."
"If Filch had an ounce of sense, he would have," Sirius muttered, and Rabastan turned up his nose.
"When I waz a boy, we were not allowed to speek so brazenly to our elders," he told Pollux, frowning deeply. "Eez eet commonplace 'ere?"
"More so in Hogwarts than in Beauxbatons, I'm afraid," he answered, turning another glare on Sirius. "It's a situation I'm trying my best to remedy. The last few Headmasters have caused a decline in the school discipline."
"Hear, hear!" another voice chimed in, and James jumped when he realized that there was a fourth person in the room. After looking through the dark a bit more, he noticed a framed portrait hanging on the wall just above the fireplace, boasting a man dressed in green and silver robes. The wizard had a dark, pointed beard and sharp eyes, and James immediately recognized him as a member of the Black family, even though he had never seen his picture before.
Clearing his throat, the wizard in the painting lowered his thin eyebrows. "Ever since my retirement, the Hogwarts Headmasters have grown steadily worse and worse! Armando Dippet was a fool in his own right, but I would never have imagined that Dumbledore would succeed him, of all possible candidates. He makes the school a laughingstock!"
"France eez better een zis way," Rabastan stated, lifting his chin. "My family 'as been sending eets children back to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic for generations. My mother wanted Rodolphus to go as well, but 'e wanted to stay close and join ze British Ministry. A mistake, I theenk."
"You should have been a Hogwarts student under my management," the wizard in the portrait claimed. "The school was no trifle in my day, I can assure you! Back then, I didn't allow cheek from students like these!"
"I 'ave 'eard good things about you," Rabastan admitted with a nod in his direction. "My family seemed to theenk highly of ze renowned Phineas Nigellus Black, at leest." At this, Phineas swelled and opened his mouth to speak, but he quickly lost his beam when Rabastan continued. "Of course, Beauxbatons has 'ad no problems of zis manner, and eez still ze better school by far."
"I say!" Phineas Nigellus gasped, turning to the others in the room as if hoping for a word in his defense. None of them gave him any notice, even Rodolphus having remained unresponsive to his brother's insults.
Moving forward, Pollux cut between the others and dismissed them. "If you wouldn't mind waiting outside, Bellatrix, I have to deal with my students. It should only take a moment."
As James tried to follow Pollux, Bellatrix struck out with her wand arm and held him back. James disliked how close her wand was to his chest, but he did not dare brush it aside as he met her heavily-lidded eyes.
"Who's your mate, Sirius?" she inquired, studying James' face. "Not your same age, surely? He's tall enough to be in his seventh year."
"Don't harm my students," Pollux warned, not looking her way as he settled himself behind his desk. "You need to stop flashing around your wand like that. You could cause an accident."
Dragging her wand away from James chest slowly, Bellatrix rolled her eyes. "I only cause accidents if I mean to," she answered, but she threw James and Sirius a grin on the way to the door. "I hope you don't get into too much trouble, cousin. I'd hate to have our next meeting permanently delayed."
"I should have you know that I've seen these two in the Headmaster's office more times than any other student," Phineas Nigellus announced from the wall to no one in particular, and the Lestrange brothers gave the boys disparaging looks on the way out. Glaring back at them, Sirius ground his teeth together until Bellatrix shut the door, and James thought he understood why Pollux had decided to bring them to his office instead of remaining in the classroom.
Waving the boys forward, Pollux waited until they sat on the two stools before clearing his throat. Reaching out a hand, he adjusted the bust on his desk and laced his fingers together, staring over the top of them. Able to observe Pollux's face at the same height as its pearl-white replica, James decided that the latter, while still ugly, did not quite do the professor's elephantine nose justice. Holding back a snort, he stared into Pollux's glinting, squished eyes for several silent moments.
Finally, Pollux released a sigh and tilted his head. "I hoped that you'd have learned to treat my position with more respect by now. Not only have your attitudes in my classroom been appalling, but I found your essays on the Werewolf Register particularly lacking. Any other professor might have sent you straight to detention for your blatant disregard for instructions, but I've chosen to be lenient with you so far."
"Lenient?" James could not help but splutter, and Sirius threw him a warning look as Pollux's neck turned purple.
"Far more lenient than you deserve!" Pollux shouted before regaining his composure. Sitting back, he exhaled slowly and laced his fingers together again, staring at the two students carefully. "If you had any doubt before today, let me assure you that I can make this year very difficult for you if you continue needlessly rebelling. Whatever discomfort you have experienced by my hand so far, imagine things far worse in the future."
With Pollux's eyes still glued on him, James fought to keep himself from glancing at Sirius as he fidgeted uncomfortably. The stool was hard and rough, making him feel even more like a criminal on trial in the cold, unfeeling office, and his shoulders almost slipped off his body when Pollux finally broke eye contact and stood.
"I'll leave you with a warning. Remember to tread carefully while under my eye—you don't want to continue provoking me." Pausing for just a moment, he turned and gave the boys another steely glance. "In all your time at Hogwarts, have you ever noticed the maxim etched over the front gates? It has a particular poignance for your situation . . . Draco Dormiens Nvnqvam Titillandvs: never tickle a sleeping dragon. I hope you see its meaning."
Exchanging a silent glance, James and Sirius stood while Pollux gestured to them. "I'll be stopping to investigate your work in the courtyard tonight, Potter. And both of you, keep to your studies," he added meaningfully, raising one of his thick eyebrows. "Your progress towards your O.W.L.s isn't promising."
Without even a nod of recognition, James and Sirius walked past Pollux as quickly as they could, but not before Phineas Nigellus offered one last piece of advice from the wall: "Behave yourselves, students! I'll be sure to recommend your expulsion to the Headmaster if I catch you in my grandson's office again!"
Pushing open the door to the dreary office, Sirius halted abruptly and scowled at Bellatrix and the Lestrange brothers, who were still standing against the wall. Saving himself from a collision with Sirius in the nick of time, James watched as Bellatrix broke into a smirk.
"You had our grandfather quoting Latin, eh, cousin? He never does that unless he's furious."
"Stick your nose somewhere else!" Sirius snapped at her before striding down the hallway. Jumping after him, James narrowly avoided slamming into Rodolphus' shoulder as the three of Pollux's visitors stepped into the office and disappeared.
"Lovely cousin," James joked as soon as they had left behind the office, throwing a glance over his shoulder. "A real charmer, that one."
"You've met Bellatrix—now all you have to do is hope you never see her again," Sirius muttered as he stormed through the hall.
"I can't imagine why she would marry someone like Rodolphus," James commented. "He's a bit . . ."
"Frigid?" Sirius filled in for him. "Yeah, I never really understood how they get along, either. But like I told you, it wasn't much of Bellatrix's choice. My uncle is obsessed with blood purity as much as my parents, so the marriage was more of an arrangement than anything else. It's just too bad that we get Rabastan thrown into the mix as well. I hate family gatherings enough without him showing up."
"He's quite rude, isn't he?" James agreed.
"And never shy about speaking his mind. I don't know how Rodolphus puts up with his flapping jaw, but they're almost never apart."
"They remind me of the Righton brothers," James mentioned, thinking back on the Death Eater siblings they had met two years ago.
"They're certainly just as nasty," Sirius spat. "Actually, I'm surprised that Rabastan's family didn't send him to Durmstrang Institute for school—I hear they actually teach the Dark Arts there."
Soon, the two of them had reached the top of Gryffindor Tower, where they found Peter waiting for them in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.
"James! Sirius!" he cried, running up to them. "Are you dead? Did he kill you? I thought Pollux had killed you, but you're alive! Now I don't have to explain anything to Remus . . ."
"We're fine, Peter," James interrupted. "How long has it been?"
"The period's over," Peter explained, still breathing heavily. "I was going to follow the others inside the common room, but then I thought that you might have forgotten the password after being killed, so I waited for you the whole time. But now I've forgotten the password, so—"
"Beetle juice," Sirius supplied, and the Fat Lady nodded at him.
"Finally! My nerves are frayed from just looking at that boy!" she exclaimed, wiping her forehead with the hem of her pink dress as the painting swung open.
"What about the others? Are they all right?" James asked Peter as they stepped inside. "And Evans . . . well, how is she?" Growing hot, James clenched his fists. "After Pollux basically called her a you-know-what to her face, that is."
"She's okay, I think," Peter informed. "A little angry afterwards, but she stormed off almost as soon as you had left."
"Do you think she'll want to see me?" James considered after a short pause, stroking his chin.
"Er . . . I don't think she was that angry at Professor Black," Peter answered, and James' smile fell.
"I'm wasting time here, anyway," James snarled, turning around. "I've got to finish cleaning the courtyard before tonight."
"Best of luck, mate!" Sirius told him on his way back through the portrait hole.
Later that evening, James stepped down from the turned-over soap bucket that he had been standing on, taking care not to slip on its wet surface. As the blood rushed back down into his lowered arm, he craned his neck to peer through the cracks in the archway stone above him, and he almost smiled when he saw that the mildew stains were gone.
"Potty-Potty Potter! Here's a bit of water!" Peeves, the resident Hogwarts poltergeist, chanted from a few meters above his head before throwing a discarded rag at James' face. Too relieved that he had finished to mind the cold, wet slap, James turned and faced Peeves where he had been tormenting him for the last half hour.
"Aren't you bored yet?" he questioned, to which Peeves jingled the small bell on the top of his hat.
"You sent the last of the house-elves away, so now Peeves has no one to play with!" Peeves whimpered before twirling upside-down and flashing a wicked smile. "You'll play, won't you?"
"If Wilkes was here, I'd send you after him," James muttered, and Peeves pulled a few pieces of colored chalk from his pockets and threw them at him with a cackle. Diving to the floor, James wiped up the mess before Pollux could appear, but he stopped suddenly and glanced back up as Peeves performed a few figure-eights.
"Wait . . . oi, Peeves!" The poltergeist blew him a raspberry, but he seemed to be listening. "Don't get anything dirty in here, all right? Pollux—er, Professor Black ordered me to clean the whole courtyard, and he wants everything perfect. It would really upset him if you trashed the place now!"
Halting mid-twirl, Peeves turned to peer at James with a mad glint in his orange eyes. "Oh, yessiree, that would be dreadful indeed!" he crowed, giggling to himself as he suddenly zipped off behind a pillar. Grinning, James ran to the courtyard entrance and waited for Pollux to show himself.
A few minutes later, the black-robed professor swept into view and searched over the courtyard while James stood waiting with his hands behind his back. By some miracle, Pollux did not spot Peeves' bright shoes peeking from around from one of the pillars, and he turned around after a few minutes' inspection.
"Your work here is acceptable," he said. "I hope you've learned your lesson. I'll let Filch know that your detentions are complete, so he'd better not catch you up after hours."
Wondering if Peeves would show himself, James slowly dragged his feet in the other direction. He did not have to stall for long, and he spun around again as an obnoxious voice ripped through the night sky.
"COWABUNGA!" Peeves screeched, pulling several bottles of Colour-Change Ink from his clothes and smashing them against the courtyard walls. Shattering on impact, they splattered the newly-cleaned stone with flashing reds, yellows, blues, and pinks, and Peeves let out another bellowing laugh before throwing several more bottles into the fountain.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Pollux shouted as the ink dripped into the water and alternated hues. Looking his way, Peeves stuck out his tongue and wiggled his ears.
"Bath-time!" he giggled, and he sprayed a jet of yellow ink into Pollux's hair. Dark purple himself, Pollux froze in place as Peeves continued peppering the courtyard with lint, dried nettle leaves, and frog eyes.
In a few short moments, the courtyard was completely changed; potion ingredients were thrown everywhere, and James began to marvel that he had ever cleaned the courtyard at all. Looking up at Pollux, he noticed that the ink on his head had not changed colors.
"Dreadful timing," James said, and Pollux slowly moved his head to look at him. "Bad luck, these things. A terrible coincidence. But since I'm no longer needed here, I'd best be going. See you in class, Professor!"
Sprinting back into the castle with a wave, James let a smile curl his lips as Peeves continued to torment Pollux behind him. After recovering from his stupor, Pollux yelled a string of oaths at James, so he picked up his feet and left the courtyard behind as quickly as possible.