All I wanted was a shower. I didn't think that was too much to ask for after living through the past twenty-four hours. My body was aching and sore from the bites and beating it had taken. Weeks ago, when I had first witnessed Joker standing before me, pulling that ribbon from my hair, I knew he was capable of ruining my life but I never knew he could fuck so good.

The thought made me feel filthy and my first instinct was to be absolutely disgusted by it. It was strange how now, after he had been inside me, after he had claimed me, I didn't feel the same kind of guilt.

It wasn't gone.

It just didn't bother me like it did before.

I had been dropped off on the corner two blocks from the apartment, getting no answer from the driver of the SUV as he pulled up to the curb. The look he gave me in the rear view mirror was the only answer I got for my questions.

When it was clear he would offer nothing else but the strange look of boredom and annoyance, I climbed out of the car. My legs protested the rest of the walk but I had no other option but to pull my purse strap up on my shoulder and head home.

And now that I was climbing the stairs, calves and thighs screaming at me to just give them a break, I was starting to crave that shower. I felt dirty-and not just because he had come inside me twice. Sleeping on that dingy, ratty couch, being barefoot in the dusty warehouse and not to mention the splatters of blood dried to my face and shoulders had done a number on me.

I was ignoring the other reasons why I felt dirty. Knowing I had let someone so dangerous, so sick and twisted use me the way he had was truly disgusting but I wouldn't let myself think about it yet. Not until I could clean a little bit of this grime away-physically anyway.

From the hall leading to the apartment, I could hear someone messing around inside. And not exactly inside. Someone was kneeling halfway in the apartment and halfway in the hall, cursing beneath their breath.

I recognized the cheap toolbox, having seen it several times over the past ten months that I'd known Greg. It was always what he lugged around when he stopped by to fix things and as I neared, I could see him trying to install a new chain lock on the door.

It was similar to the ones in hotels...and the hotel I had stayed at in particular. My stomach clenched thinking about that day. I had thought my life was ending the moment they had thrown me in the back of that van but I had been wrong.

Joker had other plans for me.

If I had known then that those plans involved having him inside me, having his bite marks on my neck and shoulders, I would have never-

"Oh, hey Nat." Greg's voice snapped me out of my daze and I cleared my throat as he stood up. It only took a quick glance for him to notice how disheveled I looked. I knew it was bad, but judging by the look of surprise and worry on his face, it must have been worse than I thought. "Jesus, are you alright? You look like you've been in an accident."

"I'm fine," I breathed, brushing past him to walk into the apartment. Things were quiet, which was relieving. Usually when Greg stopped by to do his handy work, Chelsea would hover nearby. Today, despite being a Sunday, she was gone. I dropped my purse on the kitchen counter and went right for the fridge. "Chelsea here?"

The growl in my stomach was almost as loud as my words and I wrenched the fridge door open. The cool air slid over my bare legs and I shivered before bending down to snatch a bottle of water from the shelf. I twisted the cap off and chugged it while Greg dropped his tools and faced me.

"Nah, she's out with her mom and sister shopping. Are you sure you're okay?" His voice was hesitant and my eyes slid to him as I gulped in the last mouthful of water. I sucked in a breath and nodded. He didn't buy it and I noticed him staring at my face. "It looks like you were in an accident or something. Is that blood?"

He reached for my face and I quickly ducked away, forcing a laugh as I tossed the empty bottle into the trash. "Blood? Why on earth would I have blood on me? It's just...paint." It was the first thing that popped in my head and I quickly faked another laugh. "I've had a long night, so I'm going to jump in the shower and then run an errand."

Before he could say something else, I hurried into the bathroom, shut the door behind me and twisted the lock in place. My chest rose and fell with fast breaths of bubbling panic and I quickly turned the knobs above the faucet. Water poured out in a rush and soon, steam was rising from the tub.

I dipped my arms out of the sleeves of my dress and let it fall to the floor, instantly conjuring memories of standing in front of Joker, stripping in the same way. His gaze had burned me up and I was surprised that not only did it not haunt me hours later, I actually longed for it.

Shutting my eyes tight to try to purge my head of the feeling, I turned to the sink and leaned against the cold porcelain. When I opened my eyes, I stared at my reflection in the mirror and almost laughed. There was no way in hell anyone with half a brain would believe the splatters on my face were paint.

Even dried, they still held a tinge of red. It was almost unmistakable and I just hoped Greg would believe the lies I fed him. What reason would he have to think it was blood though? It's not like he'd ever, in a million years, think I was involved with someone like Joker.

But I was. I was his.

I pushed away from the sink and pushed my hair away from my neck on both sides. My gaze fell to the purpling bruises around my throat, the red splotches on the tops of my shoulders and the way it all contrasted against the pale tone of my skin.

"Oh, shit," I whispered to myself, leaning closer to the mirror as steam began to cling to the edges of the glass. He really had done a number on me. I brought my hands up to my throat and settled my fingers in the marks that perfectly matched his.

Seeing the way he had branded me, all the evidence of our bizarre affair, had an effect on me that I wasn't quite expecting. The corner of my lips lifted in a delight that I couldn't get rid of. It was strange how the last time I stood in this bathroom, I had stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to convince myself that I hadn't wanted Joker to kiss me and now, I was admiring the marks he left on my body.

Speaking of, I stepped away from the sink and peered down at my lower belly. Just beside my navel and a little below it, was the shape he had carved into me. From this angle, it looked like a candy cane and was red and a bit puckered. Apparently, he had cut me deeper than I thought. Then again, I had been distracted by the other things he was doing to me at the same time.

My eyes lifted back to the mirror and I stood on my tiptoes to be able to see my stomach in the reflection. For several seconds, while the water still ran and steam continued to fog the small space of the bathroom, I could only stare at the single letter cut into my skin.

J.

He really had claimed me…

I had to physically force myself to turn away from the mirror and step into the shower and even after I did, I couldn't stop staring down at myself. Even as I washed myself, washed all of the grime and dust and sweat off of me, I couldn't look away from the cut for too long. My eyes would drift down the length of my belly and there it was; red, a bit scabbed and unforgettable.

His words repeated in my head as I rinsed.

But you won't run anymore, will ya sweetheart- no, you're mine now, Natalie.

I reached to the faucet and twisted the knobs, cutting the water off and leaving me standing there in the shower. The warmth seeped out quickly and I bit my lip, hoping to hold onto the heat for just a bit longer.

After wrapping the towel around my chest, I realized I hadn't brought any clothes into the bathroom with me. And by the sounds of the electric drill in the apartment, I could only guess that Greg was still working. There was no avoiding this and honestly, why should I? It's my apartment too.

I should be able to walk around dressed however I want.

I threw open the door and strolled out, my hair dripping down my shoulders and along my arms. Sure enough, Greg was still at the door and he turned to glance at me as I made my way to my bedroom door. I could feel his slack jawed gaze on me and I turned my head to give him a smile.

The familiar words popped into my head and before I could stop them, they were tumbling from my lips. "See something you like, Greg?"

He stammered for a brief second, cleared his throat and returned to his work on the front door. I laughed softly and stepped into my room, shutting the door behind me before making my way to the dresser because my window. My entire body tingled slightly and I wondered if it was because I had used such similar words to what Joker had said to me yesterday.

There was a strange sort of power they brought with them and I was almost ashamed to admit that I liked it. There was no time to dwell on it and I knew I had to get down to the clinic. Sure, I had seventy-two hours to take the morning after pill, but it was better to do it as soon as possible.

Which meant, I shouldn't be standing around, feeling giddy over things that shouldn't have excited me. I didn't bother dressing nicely. Doctor visits were never enjoyable anyway. What point was there in looking cute? I tugged on a pair of comfy shorts, a loose T-shirt and zip-up jacket before running a comb quickly through my hair.

I left it wet and slipped my feet into a pair of running shoes that I had never ran in. Unless of course, I count the night I had ran away from the police station after Joker had blown it halfway to hell.

A sudden twinge of guilt caught me right in the middle of my chest and I rubbed my palm across it. I had to stop thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the worse I would feel and I had things to do.

No time to wallow in self-pity.

Throwing open my bedroom door, I found Greg finishing up. He was securing the lock in place and turned to face me as I made my way to the kitchen. Yeah, I had stuff to do-important stuff-but I was also starving and I had seen a box of takeout noodles with my name on it.

Greg turned to face me as I grabbed the container and popped it open. "We got some for you last night, but you didn't come home."

I threw open the drawer and found a plastic fork, my fingers shaking from the lack of food. It had been too long since I ate and there was no time to waste on heating it up in the microwave. I dug in, shoveling the bites into my mouth as if it were the last meal I'd ever eat.

"Thanks," I managed to mumble around the mouthful of noodles. It was clear he was trying to get some information out of me about where I had spent the night before, but I wouldn't offer that up to anyone. Who would believe me anyway? After I swallowed another bite, I wiped my mouth and turned to look at him. "I gotta run an errand, but I should be back in a couple of hours. You staying the night?"

He ran a hand through his mop of blond hair and shrugged. "Depends on what Chelsea wants me to do, I guess. I think her mom is trying to convince her to leave the city for a while."

"Why?"

Duh.

The bombings, the murder, the terrorist in clown makeup that had fucked you last night that was also wreaking havoc on all of Gotham...My cheeks flushed and I occupied myself with eating another bite of noodles.

"A lot of bad has happened lately. If it weren't for my job, I'd be out of here too."

"It's Gotham," I said, tossing my fork into the trash before putting the container of leftovers back into the fridge. "There's always a lot of bad happening."

"Yeah, but this is…" Greg trailed off, shaking his head. "It's too much, you know? Every day there's a funeral for another cop or politician and it's not like we can wait around for that Batman to save us."

I lifted an eyebrow and turned to face him, elbowing the door to the fridge shut behind me. "I thought you liked the Batman?"

"I did, but c'mon. People are dying and he's...just taking his time while this Joker asshole is running around, keeping us in fear."

Yeah, I really didn't want to get caught up in this type of discussion. Especially since I could tell he was going to say something that I wouldn't like. I forced a smile, hoping he wouldn't push the conversation anymore. "I should go."

I reached for my purse still sitting on the counter and ducked beneath the strap. The look on his face reminded me of a sad Golden Retriever and I could tell he wanted to say something else. Before he could, I forced a smile and turned to the front door.

"Be careful out there, Nat." My hand froze on the doorknob and I blinked down at it. The sound of his voice caught me off guard and slowly, I turned to look back at him from over my shoulder. He leaned one hand against the cabinets and studied me as he stood there. "I know you've been going through some shit and I just want you to be careful."

I was being paranoid. There was no way that Greg of all people suspected anything of me. And really, what could he think? I had never even so much as hinted that anything happening to me was because of Joker. For all he knew, I was just in a weird situation that had nothing to do with him.

Without saying anything, I pulled the door open and hurried out into the hallway. I knew he was just being a nice guy. That's who Greg was...but still, his words, that look on his face, and the way he had stared at me like he was almost disappointed in me chipped away at me little by little.

Once I was out on the street heading toward the clinic on 16th street, I pulled my jacket around me and crossed my arms over my chest. The streets were packed for a Sunday and I couldn't help noticing that it seemed most of them were waiting for cabs or getting into them.

Was everyone trying to leave Gotham?

Nothing had even happened for weeks. Maybe they could tell something was right around the corner. If I wasn't so caught up in this bizarre, fucked up affair with Joker, maybe I'd have noticed it sooner.

Every person I passed that looked up at me, felt as if they could see the evidence of him on me. They could see the shape of his fingers in the purple marks on my throat, could see the bite marks and the letter J he had cut into my stomach.

I felt like I had a scarlet letter on my chest for them all to see...but in this case, it would be a garish, purple J stitched on the front of my clothes so everyone could know that I had let the man that was terrorizing Gotham kiss and fuck me.

And I had liked it.

Not only that, but I wouldn't stop it from happening again given the chance.

My knees felt weak at the thought and I had to physically keep myself walking. If I took a single second to pause, I would have to sit down and breathe through the growing panic. No, it was better to keep going and get to the clinic.

Just get the morning after pill and prevent any surprises nine months down the road, and I could start panicking.

The clinic, thankfully, was open seven days a week though they typically closed at 2 P.M. on Sundays. I made it forty minutes before they closed the doors and breathed a sigh of relief. The waiting room was a bit packed and I wondered how many of the other women sitting there were here for the same thing as me.

A few guys were littered around the chairs and at least three of them looked strung out on something-or several somethings. They reminded me of Daryl and I blinked, the sight of him slumping to his knees with a hole in his head replaying through my mind over and over.

At the window, a woman slid the glass partition aside and called out, "next!"

I jumped and hurried up to the desk, dropping my purse down on the counter as she slid a few sheets of paper into a clipboard. "Name?"

"Natalie Jacobs."

"Are you a new patient?"

"No, I've been here once last year for the flu." I glanced to the left of the partition and found a cup of pens. I snatched one and turned back to the woman as she slid the clipboard to me.

"Reason for visit?"

Warmth touched the tops of my cheeks and I swallowed. "Um-" I scratched at my eyebrow and leaned a bit closer. "I need the morning after pill."

Unfazed, the woman typed it into the computer system and pointed down at the clipboard in my hands. She instructed me to fill it out and turn it back into her. I should be called shortly.

Yeah, right.

It didn't take too long to fill the paperwork out but my fingers were annoyingly shaky and twice, I dropped the pen. The second time, the man across the seating area from me stooped to pick it up and when I thanked him with a smile, he responded by staring at my chest.

Ugh.

After I turned the paperwork back in and took my seat once more, I crossed my legs and winced at the stubble. Two days without shaving wasn't a good luck but it's not like anyone would see it anyway.

Not unless I paid a certain someone another visit.

Again, my cheeks lit with heat and I shook the hair from my face and shifted on the chair. Across the row of seats, the man was still sitting there, still staring at me. What was there even to stare at anyway? I was wearing a baggy t-shirt and a jacket. The only part of me he could see was my neck and-

Oh, god…

Did he see the bruises?

I turned away from him and pulled my hair in front of me, hoping it would block him from seeing it, but the paranoia was already starting to creep back in. Thankfully, I had no time to dwell too long on it. At the side of the front desk, one of the doors opened up and a woman in scrubs stepped through.

"Ms. Jacobs," she said, looking down at my information.

I scrambled out of the seat and hurried up to her, following as she made her way into a narrow hallway leading to another room. She took my weight, blood pressure, and all the boring stuff before taking me further into the clinic. As we walked into a small room with a bed, chair, and computer, she shut the door behind us.

"So, you're here for the morning after pill, is that correct Ms. Jacobs?"

"Yes," I said in a breath. Already, my nerves were starting to make me shake again and I wedged my hands beneath my thighs to keep them from trembling.

"Okay," the nurse said, rolling her stool up to the computer. She typed quickly on the keyboard and didn't look up as she continued her questioning. "When is the last time you had unprotected sex?"

"Last night and...this morning." Ugh, just admitting that out loud made me feel wretched. Shame sat heavy on my chest and I shifted on the chair across from her. I felt like a whore…

"Have you been tested for sexually transmitted diseases and HIV within the past year?"

"No. But I have been tested, it's just been a while. I didn't...exactly expect to have sex last night." At this, the nurse lifted her gaze from the computer screen and turned her head toward me. She looked at me from over the top of her glasses, just long enough to send a jolt of panic through me before she turned back to her typing.

After a moment, she spoke up again. "And your partner? Do you know if they've been tested recently?"

The question stunned me and I could feel my mouth opening and closing again. What answer could I give? It's something that I hadn't even considered and now that the idea was in my head, I felt sick. I blinked, trying to force my brain to catch up. By now, the woman looked at me again from over her glasses and I faked a laugh.

It was all I could do.

I lifted a hand and scratched at my eyebrow. "I-I'm not sure. It was all kind of sudden and I don't know if he has a history." Panicked laughter bubbled up from my throat and I couldn't keep it down. Shaking the hair from my face, I shrugged as the nurse watched me. "Not that he would even tell me anyway. He's…"

Dear God, Natalie! Shut up!

My jaw snapped close and I swallowed nervously. I could practically feel her gaze on me as it drifted down from my eyes to my lip, where the small cut still sat and when her eyes moved to my neck, I had to look away.

Everything I had been through the past few months, from the night at the Wayne penthouse to this morning, was like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off beneath my skin. It itched to surface and no matter how many times I swallowed, I could feel the words clawing at the back of my tongue. They wanted to get out, wanted to be heard by someone that could get me some help.

"Ms. Jacobs," the nurse's voice cut through my panic but didn't make it wane. "We only ask this because we want to make sure you're safe. Was last night consensual?"

The rush of blood to my head left my ears ringing. I had no idea what to say. She was giving me an opportunity to tell her, to get the help that apparently I was still desperate for.

A part of me took the moment to consider her words. Had it been consensual? No, it was ridiculous. Of course it had been.

I had wanted it. I had begged for it.

There were still parts of me that craved it now.

"Ms. Jacobs, this is a safe space and if you've been hurt or abused, we only want to help you."

"Abused?" My voice was quiet and the burn to the back of my eyelids was familiar. I refused to do this. I wouldn't cry. "No. I wasn't-" Despite my determination, my voice cracked and the words stuck to the back of my tongue. Again, the nurse glanced down to the marks on my throat that perfectly matched Joker's handprint. I shook my head. "No. It was consensual. I wanted it, but I didn't expect the condom to break."

The lie was the worst tasting one I'd ever uttered and I didn't even want to hear it come out of my own lips. Not that I thought it wasn't consensual but telling her there was a condom in the first place. The thought of protection hadn't even entered my head the night before.

The nurse took a breath and let it out of her nose slowly, turning to face the computer screen once more. She typed for a moment before she stood up and turned back to me. "The nurse practitioner will be with you shortly to explain the pill."

I watched her leave and as soon as the door shut behind her, I let out a breath and leaned forward, dropping my head into my hands. My fingers were shaking around my face and all I wanted to do was get the pill and get the fuck out of here.

I didn't want to be alone in this room, shivering and left to my thoughts. Even being out in the city, where people could see the guilt written on my face, was better than this.

Thankfully, the nurse practitioner was quick. She came in, explained the pill, and handed it over with a small cup of water. While she described what to expect and what to do in case of an allergic reaction, all I could think about was one thing.

Well, two things.

First, I had to get out of here, away from the sterile smell of the clinic and back on the smoky, dirty streets of Gotham.

Second, I wanted to find a way to contact him.

Just to talk. Just to hear his weird voice.

Somehow, I was sure that it would make me feel better, or it would infuriate me and I could go back to hating him with every fiber of my being. I longed for the days when I hated any thought of him that popped into my head. Now, I was distracted by anything that wasn't Joker.

Once the nurse practitioner finished up and handed me a slip of paper to give to the receptionist at the front, I was out the door. I didn't even tell her goodbye or thank her. I just had to leave.

Back at the front window, a different receptionist took the paper and gave me the total cost of the visit. I threw some bills at her and left. I didn't care about the change and I ignored her as she shouted at me to come back. I had to get out of there.

Even as I stepped back outside in the city air, I didn't stop. I sucked in deep breaths and walked as fast as I could in any direction. I didn't care.

I just had to get away.

My fingers clawed at the purse hanging by my side and I pushed my hand in, rooting around the various items until I found the familiar shape of the burner phone. There were no messages or missed calls, but I found the call log and stared down at the unsaved number.

This was his phone...or one he had used to call me yesterday. I just hoped it wasn't another burner that he tossed away after he had hung up with me yesterday.

My thumb hovered over the call button but before I could press into it, the ground beneath me rumbled. In the distance, something sounded as if it had crashed. A car?

I whirled around but saw nothing but the string of downtown traffic. A crash wouldn't have been that strong…

My stomach dropped to the sidewalk and I spun on my heel. Someone was running, another person shouted and in the distance, I could hear another blast.

An explosion.

"No," I whispered, my feet moving on their own. As people ran by me, some shouting to others, I ran in the opposite direction. I ran toward the blast, though I knew there was nothing I could do. He wouldn't be there anymore.

But I couldn't sit by any longer.

If the police couldn't stop him, if Batman wouldn't do what was necessary, then...there was no hope for me. But I couldn't just sit by anymore.

He had never listened to me before. There was no way this time would be different. And I would be lying if I said there weren't a few selfish reasons within me to find him again, but I told myself they didn't matter. I had to find him and try to put a stop to this madness.