Grown Ups

I left the mens room, Vic was waiting outside in the hallway. "You're not having coffee?" I asked him. Vic shook his head and I shrugged "Well, there is nothing more to see here." I told him "The door is locked, we're at the end of the line. So I guess we're going back down then?" I suggested. «No, we have to check out the elevator» Vic objected. I looked over at the entrance to the elevator. "Well, did you find anything there?" I asked him rhetorically. Vic snickered "No, you have to come along, it's like, you know, going with people to places".

I rolled my eyes "It's probably nothing there on the upper floors, we're just making conspiracy theories now, I really think there is nothing on the upper floors" I explained to him. "I know, but there has got to be something there. I just thought we might as well spend our time on finding out exactly what that is" I could feel my brows rising into my forehead as my face muscles twitched, I was getting a bit peeved. I could imagine getting busted doing something not directly prohibited, but bad enough to provide the higher-ups with a reason to fire us.

Besides, why bother, isn't it a bit immature? Doesn't there come a time where the close friendships of adolescence lets itself go, leaving you with making small talk in an office to people you don't even wanna know? All while working to scrape yourself by, looking back to those friendships you're too old to have, killing hopes and dreams for the sake of working for below decent pay. Because you pay off worthless collage degrees, that in the end is just a signature on a paper. Isn't that part of becoming an adult? I wish I was part of the generation who climbed on top, then set a bunch of demands for education, to ensure people end up in the debt-trap, unable to threaten their position.

Rather annoyed I made my case "Listen, we've got it good. We have got it good man! We sit alone in an office all day not having to do anything. I like playing games and all, but this could backfire, pun intended, as in the two of us getting our backs fired! What if they catch us a place where we don't have permission to be, then have us both reprimanded? Or they will make us a new boring job where we can't cheat. Then we will have to work!" Vic looked at me, as if he was trying to look inside my soul "So what? We don't do anything important here anyways?".

I looked over at the brushed steel elevator doors again "Okay, let's check out the elevator, but I actually like it here. You know the year you had serving coffee? That was my year of doing nothing and getting checks in the mail, I don't want that to change at all. Give the Oidashibeya-life a chance, you'll love it, it's really chill, its like being on welfare without the judgment. I very much suggest that we check the elevator right down back into our basement office." I told him. Vic was visibly disappointed, but nodded along anyway.

Elevator Stillness

My throat tickled, it was not a good kind of tickle. It was dry and irritated. The kind of irritation that could make you start coughing in the middle of a conversation, agitated. I felt agitated, what could I possibly gain from this? Would me and Vic ever become close friends? Or was he just trolling me along, I didn't want to get fired from my job, yet he didn't care or even share a piece of my concern.

I looked at his blond hair, how fairly it fell down to his tan blemish-free skin, it didn't calm me down anymore. As we stood before the brand new elevator I couldn't help but feeling terribly out of my comfort-zone. Sometimes I wish I was better at not giving a damn, letting things go. But when I get worked up I might spend the rest of the day silently muttering to myself, while re-imagining what I should have done in the situation that caused me distress. "You know what? you can go grab another coffee!" Yeah, thats what I should have said. Some nights I have troubles falling asleep as I feel the irritation left in my body keeping me awake. When things I don't like happens, I usually say nothing about it, I just think of it for hours, maybe even the rest of the day.

The elevator door was all polished in a neutral silver tone, I could only see our shadowy reflection in it, a mush of our dirty colors. Vic clicked the button calling the elevator up, I could hear faint noises from it's beyond. As the elevator groaned at our floor, there was a gleeful "pling!" as a calm before the storm. And then, the door slid aside opening our gondola.

It was slightly larger than an old phone booth, mirrors on the walls and steel floors. "Well, shall we?" Vic said and walked in. It was secretive, the black eye of glass stood beside the number dials, surrounded by a frame metal ring, it was a scanner for key-cards. Vic dialed for the sixth floor, but nothing happened. "Well, this is as far as we go it seems" I said, somewhat relieved and ready to leave. "I really wonder what is up there" Mumbled Vic. "Probably a VIP for the bosses of the company, filled with booze and hookers" I joked.

Vic smiled "Have you ever heard that joke about bosses and birds in the trees? I don't quite remember it, but it was something like: When you're up all you see is a bunch of shits below you, and if you're down all you can see above you is a bunch of assholes." I snuffed a single laugh from my nose and said "Heh, I have heard that one before. But I don't completely remember how it went either".

I paused for a moment and we looked at each other, for some reason when we were all quiet and alone in the elevator everything faded into stillness and I could feel the tone change with us as we just maintained eye-contact and said nothing, it was like pressure building up inside of a bottle. "I guess we're going back down then?" I said. "Yeah, I guess we're doing that" Vic affirmed.

Sneaky Sneaky

All of a sudden the doors slide up, a bunch of people wearing suits, and one of them, a shorter Japanese guy wearing a lab-coat, barged into the elevator. They looked around as they settled down into the booth, like a wave of mumbling noises. The Japanese guy looked at Vic. "Aha! Arr ew going toh sixth fror?" he had a very thick accent, what he had asked us was if Vic and I were going to the sixth floor, as the number six was still visible on the display.

I looked at Vic shouting "NO NO NO!" inside of my head, hoping that we he had extrasensory perception. Yet, without hesitating, too my despair, Vic said "Yes!", everybody was still for a while. The people in the elevator held their own hands at crotch level, as if they were standing in testimony, waiting for the elevator to move. I could feel a rising stomach ache, perhaps this was the start of an ulcer triggered by the stress.

If it was possible, I would have ran out of the elevator, but everybody was standing in front of me and there was little I could do, apart from watching the gap decrease as the elevator doors closed shut. People were still just standing there, waiting, as Vic said to the Japanese guy "Uhm, you too have to scan your access card on the scanner." He quickly took out and flashed his wallet, for a second I could see that it had all kinds of coupons and cards in it, before he put it away. "Have you gotten your access card yet?" Vic asked him politely. "Ah, yes!" He said, then he took his card to the scanner, the light on the number dial flashed and the elevator started to go up shortly after.

I could feel the pressure underneath my feet as the floor lifted up into the air, it got all quiet, like a silence before the storm. Only a select few meekly cleared their throats. The Japanese man in a lab coat snorted in some snot that was running like a slow river deep inside his nose, he probably even tasted it a little before he swallowed. But Vic was as lit as a firecracker, his eyes jolted at me as he's eyebrows bounced up and down his forehead. We continuously ascended into forbidden mystic territory, that had previously been unreachable for us, into the unknown.

The Even More Forbidden

Then pressure seized and the elevator did a gentle jiggle, before again a bell rang signaling that we had arrived at the sixth floor. As the doors opened I could see people strolling around with papers from desk to desk, busy bees. This floor had quite an amount of activity, it made the floor downstairs look sleepy and daft.

The people in front of us lead the way out of the elevator and evaporated into the stressful mingling of the office crowd. Me and Vic stood right outside the elevator, taking a moment to get some oversight of the floor. "Look over there" Vic pointed with his eyes at a second elevator at the end of the office space. It seemed that this was where all the people with white lab-coats were going.

So, there was a seperate elevator to go even further up, I thought. Without it catching my attention, the short Japanese man from our elevator ride had made his way across the room and was now entering the second elevator together with a group other lab-coat wearers. "Ouh, is this too spooky for you?" Vic sarcastically asked me. I remained calm and said "Let us just have look then"shrugging to look on top of things.

Lunchroom Talk

We walked into the crowd, it surrounded us with ambient noises of people talking and paperfalls. People were sitting on the corner on the desks talking on their phones, discussing important work related things. They were wearing their shirts with the sleeves rolled up, like they meant serious business. For some reason we ended up in their lunch room again, but it was really more of a corner this time.

Vic looked over at the coffee maker, I smirked and smugly asked "Better the devil you know, huh?" Vic shrugged it off. "I don't even know what it is like to have a job anymore" He said. "Why is that so important to you?" I asked. "I've been getting people coffee for a year, I like to have things to do. If you are at work and you work, when you come home you get to relax. If you're at work, but you don't get to work you just sit there and feel exhausted".

I thought about what he said "I used to work as a cashier at a local grocery store, I absolutely hated it. Customers are mean rude little bastards, sometimes they expect to get their way and behave like spoiled little children, calling on the manager like telling their mom. I hated it, it was one of my main motivations for getting a longer education. To not end up working in a grocery store. I remember when it was all quiet and hours would go by without me doing anything, it was delicious. Sitting in the cash register was just horrible". Vic flicked the switch on the coffee maker on and off, I wondered if he was even listening.

"It isn't like that if you have a job that is meaningful. If you work in a garage or somewhere people depend on you and you get to do things that work, then you do your best and people love you for it. And then the hours just flies by as you do your thing" Vic said. "To me, that just sounds like the myth of the soul mate. One day you're gonna get yourself that one special girl that just fixes everything in your life. When the truth is that you already had that girl, it was your mom when you grew up, and now you're confused as your mom has abandoned you and the world doesn't want to stay the same old familiar hug-fest that it used to be." I paused before continuing.

"And the sad truth, that eventually gets accepted, is that adult relationships are hard work, compromises, sacrifice and constantly stomping on each others feet, in an awkward dance, trying to find the moves to make things slightly less miserable. What if things never get better? what if the happiness we feel is the happiness we are capable of feeling? Then, you just get a new kind of miserable no matter what your situation is?".

Joke It Off

Vic looked up and smiled "Do you have women problems?" Sounding almost surprised, but underneath that I knew he was mocking me. None the less, I impulsively felt insulted "No!" but in the back of my mind I knew that Vic probably had a way easier time with women than me, but it wasn't as if I had a problem or anything. "Don't worry, you're a cool guy, just be yourself" He said, through his perfect lips, with his perfect face and hair. Just being himself would sure work for Victor, I wished I could have been born like a ten out of ten, this was after all my one shot at life.

"Its not that easy" I said. "It isn't hard, women love confidence. A little confidence goes a long way". I rubbed my forehead with my palm, frustrated by both how he couldn't take my perspective and how brutally unfair life could be "Yeah, it is better than nothing, but it can't fix facial deformities or stuff you're born with, like having micropenis" I instantly regretted saying this, as Vic burst out laughing "You have a micropenis!?" and the people in the office turned their heads and looked at us. Put on the spot I faced the audience and held out my hands while smiling "I don't!", but as the workers looked back down into their papers I could see some of them stretch a slight smile, while shaking their heads.

I looked back over at Vic "Do you really think my face looks deformed?" I worried, I remember one summer I got a lot of acne on my face, one of them swelled up and I had a big lump on my nose. "Is it even possible to jerk off with a micropenis?" Vic asked me "I wouldn't know?" I told him. "So you've never even tried?" He giggled while trying his best to remain overly serious "Wha- I don't have a micropenis" Vic giggled "Sure, its okay man, nothing to be ashamed about" he giggled. "You wannna see? Is that what it is?" I asked him threateningly "No-no-no, I don't need to see your micropenis" Vic laughed. From now it was obvious that he was joking, since I had my back turned on the rest of the crowd, I unbuckled my belt and pulled my zipper down "I insist".

"Oh shit!" Vic grabbed my shoulder and yanked me back into the lunch room. Even though his grip was firm, it was still soft. I almost stumbled as my pants were a bit low, I was close enough to feel the heat coming from his face, for a short moment I felt slightly aroused and it worried me. "What is the matter?" I asked. He hushed me and pointed discretely with a gaze "Don't panic, butMr. Stackburns is here" He whispered.

I slightly tilted my head to look over my shoulder, there he was. Tossing his legs around in his gray suit, wearing it with a pink shirt and a solid white tie, he had changed clothes, HAH gay! His scalp was a dying neighborhood, the hair was thinning more and more every day, soon that virgin ponytail hairstyle of his wouldn't be able to hide it. That pot-bellied bastard. "Look, the USB-stick. Its ours." Vic pointed out. I caught a glimpse of his hand, I could see the old familiar thing, it was instantly recognizable to me. If he was going to fill it with more useless work, he would be making his way back to the basement soon, meaning we had to get back there.

"Vic, my pants are falling off" I complained, Vic didn't look at me, he just looked at where Mr. Stackburns was going, I could feel my pants slowly brushing down the curve of my butt, very soon they would be beyond the steep hill and off to a free fall. "Vic, I really need to pull my pants up and you're stopping me" It took some moments before he slowly turned towards me, he looked at me for a moment and chuckled a single "Heh" before letting go. As I buckled my pants back on Vic explained "Stackburns went into the other elevator". I tucked my belt back in place "Well, this is it for me, I'm out of here" I said.

The Cool Face

When taking the elevator down, I felt slightly better as we sunk back down into the old familiar setting. "You know, you need to get out of your comfort-zone more often" Said Vic decisively with his arms crossed, a bit begrudged of my resistance to further investigating the upper floors. I looked over at him, much relieved yet somehow still internally cursing over his superior genetics, his clothes smelled like a fresh cotton, things like this was easy for him to demand, seeing how he was born into his own little comfort-bubble.

I wondered how someone coming from this level of beauty privilege would deal with the nightmare of one day being accidentally burned beyond recognition? How would life be then, in contrast to what he knows life to be now? Being awoken to the reality of how the lower class of ugly people is treated in today's society. I bet it would be a world of difference. "Do you think I look facially deformed?" I asked Vic, pondering beauty privilege had made me nervous.

Vic looked at me and smiled "No, why would you think that?" It felt good to have Vic confirm that I looked alright, he was after all in the alright-to-look-at-business. "I don't know, sometimes when I look at photos of myself it feels kind of uncanny, I'm actually happy with what I see in the mirror, but when somebody takes a photo and puts it out and I'm in the photo. I look at the photo and I just don't look as good as I do in the mirror. It feels strange to look at myself in photos. It is kind of like hearing my voice while I am talking, versus hearing my voice on a recording, I always cringe from hearing myself talk on a recording".

After having said it Vic inspected me closer "Maybe you just need to practice your cool-face" he advised. "My cool-face?" I repeated after him. "Yeah, have you ever noticed that some people have the same face in every picture? Everyone wants to show how successful they are, so people want to have their picture taken when they're being social. But you know, it is hard to smile genuinely. And some girls take pictures all the time at social gatherings. And then the others might take three pictures, and they pick the one they themselves look their best in, while you might have your eyes closed or a really stiff smile. So people need to find their cool-face. When you look through someone photos, they might be in different situations, different seasons, but they always have the exact same facial expression: that is their cool-face".

I fell quiet and thought about what has been spoken, before adding in conclusion "Yeah, I need to get myself a cool-face. Do you have a cool-face?" I asked Vic. "Hmm, I guess I try not to have one. I try to do fun stuff in pictures. Like sticking my tongue out, kissing and winking, try to make it light and give off good vibes, or just you know- Like, ironically acting like a attention sick teenage girl" Vic thought for a bit, then he laughed and continued "Well, actually. I had a phase in junior high, I saw a lot of action movies, so I imagined that I could be a tough guy, but it just didn't match my face. I was just a young kid. So after one Christmas I looked at our photos, in every single one of them I'm like this" Vic crossed his arms like a posing rapper, making a face that made it seem like he was in his third trimester of being constipated.

I let out a high pitched chuckle "And then I thought: Jeez, we need to get this face under control. So I came up with this confident smile thing, with one raised eyebrow, but it was just pretentious and lame. So I thought, let me just see if I can make my natural smile better. And our class photo was coming up, so I looked at how other people smiled in photos and worked it in the mirror until I came up with something I was satisfied with, and that pretty much became my go to expression if somebody suddenly pulls out a camera".

Perhaps I should do the same things, I could probably need to make some face gains. I spent much time alone, with nobody to laugh for or with my facial muscles where probably suffering atrophy, making me less expressive, unable to give off a warm smile. "Maybe that is what I need to do, make some facial gains" I suggested. "You're definitively not deformed looking though." He said in a sweet tone "I read somewhere that the reason you think you look better in the mirror is because you're more used to seeing your reflection than what you actually look like, so when you see yourself in photos it feels strange because you're opposite to what you're used to. Like, the opposite of in the mirror" I helped him out saying "I think the word you're looking for is mirrored, or flipped horizontally if you're really into MS paint".

He gave me a confused look "But... deformed, why would you even say that?" Picking up women is hard, my mating strategy is to be rejected until I finally find someone who is willing to get down. Some women reject me so fast that I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with my face, something that my brain refuses to acknowledge to protect my ego, I look in the mirror and think I look fine, but perhaps my nose is a bit skewed, or there is some weird asymmetry to my face, that I have gotten accustomed to, or my pores are too big.

"I don't know" I answered. "Just be confident" Vic assured me. "Well, I guess I'm just not a very confident person" I muttered as my voice cracket up, I could feel that I was being a buzz-kill for Vic, so I sighed "I need to work on that and a better cool-face for my selfies" I didn't want to burden Vic with my vulnerability, as it surely would only make him feel bad for me and this ran against my own interests of being his friend.

"Yeah, and angles, angles work wonders. You can make proportions look smaller, bigger..." The elevator had almost reached its last floor. Vic playfully bumped me with his elbow and said "You know..." He winked at me "For that one issue you have" He teased. "How dare you sir, I have a big fat donkey dick!" We were in the elevator, so I felt safe with being a little vulgar, Vic just kept on laughing.

The bell rand and the doors opened "Is this gonna be your thing now? Is this your running gag? My god are you that childish! You can't accuse me of having a micro-penis as a running gag! What are you? Twelve? You better come up with something new for tomorrow!" I told him before walking out of the elevator. I clicked the "close the doors"-button, attempting to trap Vic inside. He ran out quickly, with the elevator door snapping at his pants leg "My humor is just being inclusive towards the phallically challenged!".

And so we bear our masks

To the carnival of suffering

To the chilled curse of the surface

Our cool face