Freak

The first one came when he was halfway home. He'd assumed that Jessie had sent it to him, inquiring on his whereabouts and why he was late for dinner-again.

She only talks to u bc she pities u

It was the same number that had been sending him similar messages since the start of school. Ravi hadn't the faintest clue of whom the identity of the sender was; it wasn't the first time it'd happened to him. Once during middle school, there had been a fellow student that sent him rather aggressive messages for the majority of the year before the boy had found a new target that apparently gave him more pleasure to torment than Ravi.

Ur literally a waste of air

Ravi's jaw clenched. His throat tightened and it felt as though a dagger had pierced right through his stomach. That one had hurt.

Why dont u just kill urself everyone hates you anyway

The air became thicker.

An abrupt onset of dizziness came over him and he had to grip the stop sign pole to balance himself. The shouts of go kid didn't register, nor did the honking from the cars. The world had just come to a stop.

No one had...he'd never...

No one had actually told Ravi he should kill himself. He'd mulled over the idea several times in the past few months and faced enough torment from his fellow classmates but no one had ever explicitly told him to do that.

It hit differently, somehow.

It was one thing for Ravi, himself, to think it, to consider it, to almost wish for it; but to now know that someone else was thinking, wishing for the same thing, it made him feel as though he'd been doused with icy water.

He was still thinking about it.

He was in a sort of daze, walking through the lobby of the building and feeling as though there was water in his ears, muffling Tony's voice as he cheerfully greeted him.

He couldn't properly think, let alone form coherent sentences.

You're pathetic

The text message was vividly at the forefront of his mind. Ravi wanted to hope, he wanted to have that same childish optimism; perhaps it wasn't for him. Perhaps it was all a joke and if he burst into tears, the send would reveal him or herself, laughing and exclaiming their disbelief that he actually fell for it.

But deep down in the pit of his stomach, Ravi knew that was a false hope.

Whoever was sending it, very much meant it.

And that scared him more than anything ever had.

He walked through the elevator doors, subconsciously tensing up; he was anticipating on Jessie losing her temper yet again because he'd failed to abide by the rule in which he was supposed to be home at.

He couldn't handle that, not now.

It was already difficult to be in the same room as Jessie, her eyes following him wherever he went and a permanent look of disappointment clouding her face. She'd shaken her head plenty of times, silently expressing her wondering of where things had gone wrong with Ravi.

So many things

That's why you're pathetic

That's why no one likes you

That's why someone wants you to die, Ravi's stomach did a flop flop.

He could have vomited right there.

Upon his entrance into the penthouse, Ravi immediately just knew there was something out of place; it was far too quiet for the time of day. He glanced down the direction of the door that led to the kitchen. There was no clinking of the silverware or soft thuds from anyone setting their cups back down on the table.

Where was everyone? He checked his phone for a notification-to see if Jessie had messaged him, informing him of anything. He racked his brain, trying to recall if she'd mentioned that she had any plans of going out.

But that still didn't tell him where his siblings were, or Bertram. Emma was doing her online school, but she'd apparently been getting done early so she spent the majority of her day out-after Jessie had made sure she'd been doing her homework and not slacking. But it was the time they should have been eating dinner so she should have been there. So should Zuri and Luke. It was well past when the middle and high school had been let out for the day.

Or were they hiding? Had Jessie become fed up with his tardiness and lack of respect for the rules that she formed a plan where they would trick him into thinking they were gone to, somehow, teach him a lesson into obeying?

You're so dramatic

Stop overthinking everything

I'm not trying to

Well, you are

Carefully, Ravi pushed open the door to the kitchen, half expecting Luke to jump out at him and scream so Ravi would react with a girlish scream. However, he did not find his brother lurking on the other side-he didn't find anyone. The kitchen was empty, with a few unwashed dishes from breakfast that morning. He spied a nearly finished coffee cup, that was surely cold by now, on the corner of the counter that was obviously Jessie's-judging by the pink lipstick mark.

He stood there, a frown on his lips.

Should he text Jessie? He'd been explicitly forbidden from using his electronics unless it was absolutely necessary and he didn't wish to sit through another lecture for his disobedience. But he would assume that now was one of those absolutely necessary times.

She's gonna be mad

You're gonna get in trouble

She won't care why you did it

She never cares about you

Don't you remember?

Don't you remember how she always sides with everyone else but you?

You're the scum on her shoe

And no one cares about scum

There was a theory that was in the back of his mind, that he'd tried to push away, tried to brush off because it was ridiculously absurd. But the idea was bubbling, trying to come to the surface, whispering into his ear.

No, it was wrong. It wasn't the case at all. He refused to entertain the idea for even a fraction of a second. He couldn't. He didn't want to think about that possibility.

That they'd gone and left without him.

Was that what they'd done? Had they completely disregarded how he would feel and just left without stopping to think about him?

Makes sense doesn't it?

When have they ever cared about you before?

The last thought sounded louder than anything else.

When have they ever cared about you before?

He sat on one of the stools, a blank facial expression.

Well?

They hadn't, not how they should have. Not in the way he'd hoped and dreamed of when he'd been adopted, when he'd had a picture in his mind of how everything was going to go and reality had gone so far into the other direction, he didn't recognize it.

It's your own fault

You shouldn't have had such high standards

You disappointed your own self

They didn't do it to you

He supposed, in a way, that was true. He supposed he had unrealistically high standards that he should have known weren't going to all be fulfilled; but he hadn't because he'd hoped. He'd hoped like someone who wasn't aware of how the world truly worked yet; of someone who had a vague notion of life from vastly limited experience and would be greatly let down once he learned it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.

Do you know who else thinks the world is all sunshine and rainbows?

Don't say it

Shelby does

She's as delusional as I was

Maybe she's not actually delusional at all. Maybe she has the right idea

The right idea? She's going to end up being very hurt when she's thrown face first into a situation that she can't fix by smiling and hugging

Funny, I didn't think you cared whether she was hurt or not

I don't. I'm simply stating the truth

It was as if someone had taken a remote and un-paused the movie; Ravi heard the soft ding from the elevator and all at once, there was a rumble of voices that filled the penthouse back up with livelihood. They were back. They were back and he hoped that this was all a misunderstanding, that they hadn't left him behind on purpose. That it was just a mistake on his part and they'd actually gone to pick up food and everyone decided to tag along or they wished to wait until he returned from Shelby's house to eat so they took a walk or-

He quietly trailed over to the living room, observing how they seemed so happy. Jessie was giving Zuri an affectionate ruffle to her hair and his sister made a face, trying to wiggle away and save her hair from getting messy.

They were also holding to-go boxes.

His heart sank, dropping all the way to the floor.

Luke was eating a rather cheesy piece of pizza, holding it up above his mouth and taking a bite at the end of it. Bertram was noisily drinking from a plastic cup, pushing his way through the crowd that was Jessie and his siblings to go back to his room, presumably.

Jessie had told him they would be having pizza for dinner. He'd assumed that meant it was to be ordered and would be delivered to the penthouse to eat there.

"Jessie-" He let her name hang in the air, unable to finish.

Jessie stopped her conversation with Zuri to look over her shoulder at him, her eyes going wide and her hand clamped over her mouth. It was that sudden realization crossing her face that made Ravi sink even further.

They had forgotten about him.

They had left him.

They'd gone to dinner without him and didn't even stop to think that he wasn't there.

"Ravi," she gasped after she spluttered for a few, strained moments. "Oh crap-I thought...I'm so sorry. I didn't think-"

That, they agreed on.

"I wasn't even thinking," she repeated, shaking her head as if to clear it. "Zuri got an A on her math test and you know how rare that is-" Zuri huffed indignantly. "I told the kids we were going out for dinner and I guess in all the excitement, I didn't even check to see if you were home yet."

It hit him like a ton of bricks. Her confession did not make him feel better at all. If anything, to hear her openly admit that she hadn't bothered to see if he was there before they left made him feel worse.

"Oh," he whispered. It was all he could do not to fall to the floor in a heap.

"Yeah," Jessie cringed. "B-But I'm sure there's still some pizza left for you to eat. Right Luke?" But Luke had just finished that slice at that precise moment. "Luke! You should've saved that for Ravi!"

That slice was cheese.

Ravi didn't like plain cheese all that much.

But he feigned a thin smile because that was the closets Jessie was going to get to caring about him.

"Sorry," Luke grumbled in a tone that conveyed the opposite. "I'm hungry."

Jessie turned back to Ravi, an apologetic look to her. "I'm sure there's something in the kitchen you can eat."

"Perhaps," he said hollowly.

Jessie must have known she'd messed up. Must have known that it wasn't typically ideal to forget about one of the children you're supposed to be watching over. Without saying much else, his siblings dispersed one by one. Zuri to her room, Luke to the theater room and by that time, Emma had come up-she'd been straggling behind, talking into her cell phone.

"I'm really sorry, Ravi," Jessie was nervously wringing her hands.

Are you?

Because I don't think you are

I think you enjoyed not having me there

They all did

They liked being able to eat dinner without him being there

He wished to be swallowed by the floor.

"You probably wouldn't have liked it anyway," Jessie continued, somehow believing that she was doing good. "It was really busy and you know how Luke hogs all the good slices. Really, you probably had a better time at Hannah's house."

She doesn't even know whose house I was at!

"Shelby," he corrected.

"Right! Right, heh, I meant Shelby. Shelby, Hannah. Same thing, really."

Not in the slightest

Jessie has proven herself to be rather inadequate

She's always been that way

You were just blinded to see it before

"Are you hungry, Ravi?" Jessie was trying to subtly make her mistake up. "I can make you something to eat, if you want."

"No, thank you," he said quietly. "I'm fine."

He wasn't fine. Those chocolate chip cookies only went so far and now he was yearning for some more substance. He was rather famished but he was most likely going to have to wait until later to make himself something.

"Are you sure?" Was she not angry anymore? She was acting how she was before they'd become at odds.

She's afraid you'll tell your parents

She's afraid she'll be fired

That made sense. She didn't care that Ravi's feelings had been hurt, that he'd felt so low upon seeing them come back. It was all about her. It was all about her and her not wanting to be (rightfully) fired.

"Yes," he said curtly. "I've already eaten."

Liar! Liar! Liar!

"Before we got back?" She inquired, confusedly.

"Yes."
"Oh," she frowned. "Well, alright."

There was a silence that lingered around.

"Yes," he said for the third time, to alleviate it.

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

She was peering at him again, biting down on her lower lip. Ravi felt trapped under her glance and he squirmed uncomfortably. It was as if she could see right through, horribly reminiscent of how Shelby would look at him at certain times.

You mean like this afternoon?

Ravi remembered.

"Ravi," Shelby put a hand to his shoulder and it broke his stupor he'd fallen into. It took a moment, to realize where he was and become aware that they were still in Shelby's bedroom, still in Shelby's house. "Are you okay?

"That's good," she said earnestly. "That would suck if you did."

Her hand hadn't moved and her eyes expressed her genuine happiness.

His shoulder felt strange, now that her hand was off of it.

But he brushed it off, figuring that he was just imagining it.

He exhaled.

"Ravi," Jessie was reaching out to touch him and he backed away. "Ravi, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."

No

No, I am not okay

"I am fine, Jessie," he gave her the same old fake smile, the one that she fell for every time. He was very good at it, almost too good. No one suspected anything. No one asked any questions. They let him be and he wasn't sure if he should feel insulted by that or not. "Everything is fine. I'm just a bit tired. I believe I should take a nap."

"Are you sure?" She was saying that a lot. "It's kinda late for that and I don't want you to be up all night."

"Yes," he was saying that a lot, too. "I won't be long. I just need to rest my eyes."

He wanted to get out of there now and she was making it increasingly difficult by prolonging the pointless conversation.

"May I go now?" he asked.

She looked torn. "I suppose," she said eventually, hesitantly. He nodded and turned, only for her to suddenly speak again. "Ravi, wait!"

Don't get angry, he resisted the urge to groan in utter frustration. "Yes, Jessie?"

"I almost forgot-give me your phone."

Ah, yes. He pulled it out of his jean pocket, handing it to her without a word.

She took it, turning on her heel in the direction of the kitchen. She was murmuring to herself, but he'd caught it. "Gonna have to make sure Luke doesn't get a hold of this again."

Ravi stared at her back, stunned.

Did she think that he hadn't heard? Apparently, by the look of oh crap on her face.

"What do you mean, so Luke doesn't get a hold of it again?" Ravi asked even though he already had a guess.

He did it! He did it! I should have known!

"Uh, well," Jessie's voice had gone up an octave. "You see, Ravi, I finally figured out why the time on your phone kept changing...because Luke was sneaking into my room and changing it while I was in the shower. Heh. Isn't that funny? Heh..." She let out a nervous laugh that vanished when she realized that Ravi wasn't joining in. "Now, Ravi, there's no need to be upset."

"No need?" he exclaimed. "Luke has been my things. I got in trouble for coming home late and you say there is no need to get angry?"

"It's just a phone, Ravi," Jessie said sternly.

"It is not just a phone, Jessie. It is the principle of the matter! Luke shouldn't be touching my things."

"No," she agreed after a moment. "But I'm sure Luke didn't mean any harm by it."

Ravi could not, could not believe that those words had come spewing out of her mouth.

"I'm sure Luke didn't mean any harm by it."

It was echoing in his mind, over and over, further angering him.

"Didn't mean any-Jessie! Luke did it on purpose," Ravi lost his temper, not that he was doing that good of a job keeping a rein on it anyway.

You can't even do one simple task, can you?

Course not

You're a failure

A nobody

No one wants to be around a failure

No one will hire a failure

No one wants a failure in the family

That's why they hate you

Why can't you be extraordinary like everyone else?

You're not even ordinary, you're below it

Why can't you be better?

Why can't you be like Luke?

Luke's extraordinary

That's why people like Luke

"Since when doesn't Luke mean any harm in bothering me? He's always doing it!"

Somehow, during his bluster, Jessie stayed relatively calm. There was no sign of her becoming provoked by the way he was talking to her. She sighed, looking upwards toward the ceiling, taking a moment to gather her thoughts properly, or at least that was what Ravi thought she was doing.

She's trying not to explode on you

She really needs this job

I don't think it matters anyway. They won't fire her because she upset me

They don't care about me that much

"Look," she began, running her hand through her wind-blown hair, worsening its messiness, "I know Luke can be a major pain and you two are at odds right now but," she was looking at him pointedly, "he's still your brother. No matter what. You guys can't keep going on like this. You need to make up. Siblings get on each other's nerves, it's a part of life."

But bullying is not

I should not have to endure all the crap that Luke does

"Besides," she said, "one day you guys will look back and wish you hadn't spent so much time arguing over stupid things."

Stupid?

She believes that I am upset over the stupid things Luke's done?

Putting butter in my socks was stupid

Drawing on my face while I slept was stupid

Calling me a nerd was just plain childish

But laughing at me, shoving me, wishing that mom and dad never adopted me isn't stupid. It's hurtful

But yes, of course when I am upset about something it's stupid

When Zuri, Emma or Luke are upset about something it's a freaking crisis

It's because she doesn't like you

It's because you aren't as important

The nausea struck again, bearing down on him harder than it had the first time.

And he remembered.

Why dont u just kill urself everyone hates you anyway

"I'll be in my room," he mumbled, the words all slurring together.

"Ravi!" Jessie said helplessly, the slightest bit confused at his sudden turn around, "sweetie, wait!"

But he was already halfway up the stairs, turning to face the direction of the wall so as he didn't have to see her.

Ravi slammed the door shut.

The sound reverberated off the walls.

Mrs. Kipling let out a startled noise and his emotions faltered for a second.

Ravi slid down until he hit the floor, exhaling and burying his face in his hands.

He was just so tired.

Ravi lifted his head up just a smidgen when he felt something gently nudge against his hand. Mrs. Kipling had crawled over to him, staring at him. His eyes softened.

"Hello there," he ran his fingertips over the top of her head. If she were a cat, she would have been purring. "You like me, don't you? I am not totally unbearable, am I?"

If you weren't, you wouldn't be asking that to a lizard

He leaned his head back against the door, closing his eyes. Mrs. Kipling pushed some of her body onto Ravi's lap, not quite being small enough to fit completely but enough for him to understand that she was trying to comfort him in her own, anmialish way.

Shelby's family wouldn't forgotten her

They would have remembered

He was the tiniest bit alarmed by that thought.

That...That hardly matters

Oh, but it does matter

How?

You're envious of them

I am most certainly not!

You are

You are because you want that family

You want the same love that she gets

He had to admit, as much as he didn't want to, that Shelby's family was drastically different compared to his own. He imagined there must have been times where they didn't get along, where Shelby lost her temper (as difficult as it was to imagine). But they genuinely seemed happy. Genuinely seemed like they didn't mind each other's presence. Even Shelby's little brother wasn't spewing out as much malice as one of his siblings would if they were complaining about him.

And he'd felt so conflicted.

It was a highly uncomfortable situation for him to be in, to be surrounded by the peace and love that which was Shelby's family that didn't have him on alert, tense and uneasy in case someone were to snap at him. In case something were to grow wrong.

He didn't want to like it.

He hadn't wanted to feel as though he'd like to return.

Quite especially when one of the occupants could easily and effectively grate on his nerves.

Ravi absentmindedly petted Mrs. Kipling.

He had been keen on getting out of there, only doing what was needed to complete the project so then he could return to avoiding Shelby's presence except for when he'd have to see her in school. He could deal with her then.

But-

But now?

He groaned and hit his head on the door.