A/N yo cunnt5 its uuuuu5 Ms. Booze n Miss Cunt y'aaaall – we decided this story was gettin way too realistic. I mean after reading it sober – yass guess why thos speelling is almost alright – that really wasnt our best yet, y'know? so wait for it cuz we're gonna gibe it to xa REAL good, k?

So sumhow while doing all this rug stuff and all suddenly I couldn't breath enaymore. omg rlly wtf is happening I can't I guess I'm chickn on my own vomit mgo srsly help me pls wtf?! It got wurde snd worse and suddenly I kinda was like bove myself, y'know, like I aws lysing underneath myself, all drugged up and over ans out. That'swhen it hit me:

I AM NOW DAD.

Like, for real. Dead as in no-going-back-dead-

(A/N: just at this moment it started to pla scooter yaaaash oida)

anyway, so they sax when you're floating over sourself like that (I must know ccuz I read enough near-death-expirience-recrords) some knida light somes and you're suppoed to go with it. Then htis light cam,e but there was no angel but Hitler came around. He said "You're sucha special vunt xya know I'ma take you to hell know"

I was like "at least I'm ot going to heaven, how boring yourld that be man?" anf I told Hitler "ya Know whats the difference between Santa clase and some random Jewish people?" He wass like "yeah what is it?" and i was like " Santa goes DOWN the chimney" hahahahha

omfg he cracked up laughing.

He said really seriulsly "Back then, ya know, I acutally said 'a glass of jouce' and naawt 'gas the jews' but tey got e wrong and I didnÄt wanna correct them cuz they thought that was really cool, gassing the jews, I mean, so we gassed the jews and I got all world famous and all ya know?"

And thne I tol him "Cool story, bro"

Anywas, werent we supposed to go to h3ll? like, weve been here making nazi joes n all, but wheres the other action goin down?

So we just kinda went dow to hell and he introduced me to all his other frtiends.

of course there was the stat of ell himself, satan, or as the internetz nowdays call him, daddy satan. and ther ewas also hitler bf, stalin. and he went down on me like he went down on me like i we4nt dpwm on hell. then i also met 2 of my fav idols, botdf and nickie mim arsch. dawi venedi or however he was called tried to go down on some young girl, like I ewnt down hell. before I knrew iz I got raped myself and some peiole join cuz that cools and then we raped some1 else and it just kidna went on like that for a while. then in that middle of the gangbang rape thingy I found my boi scooter again (of course he also went to hell why woudnt he). I asked him if he overdoes or some shit again and he was like "naw I come here down ofte, the guys are pretty chill and the rapes are also kinda normal here so I just feel like home here". well yeah thats realistic he can just come to hell and leave whenever he wants and while we were at it he also told me how many people he got down on like I got down to hell.

so after this cunt went to the toilet again I found another cunt that was pretty hot and looed kike ne kie of course I look h3xy, so I started to make out with her for a bit and we had some sex. then I alo found my dad and was like "how tf did you get down here?" and he's like, oh I just overdoes a bit and your chiwawa drove down a cliff so we kinda just went down to hell like you got down on that other guy.

Soooo duddenly some kitty came here, and I was like "comecome kitty kitty ur so prett pretty" and the cat said "k k k kawaii" haha lol no of corpse the cat kust said "meow" cuz animals can't even talk I was just emssing with ya. Then Pari5 came over and complained " you bit*h forgot to feed me before I croaked" then my f*ther said "you're really irresponsobile that's not how I reiased you" and I said back "you ddnt even raise me at all you cont" and then Scoots raped him to defent my honow.

But then I was like "IÄma kill that fucking piece of hsit myself" and because I whisehd for it so hard I suddenly had a big ass axe in my hand cuz this is h3ll, y'knw? so then while Scoots raped my das in a really compromising position (cuz he raped him haaha) my das was like on his knees and his upper body was like down and his head presended itself to me and i swung my fuckin axe and choped off his guliy ead like it meant nothing to e (spilr altert: it meant nothing to me)

And then, as if shit youldnÄt get weirder, my mum showed up. I was like "nai way in h3ll!" se said "bith we're already in h3ll wuts ur problem?" and I said " you left me and choked on your own vomit" mum said "just like you id. I guess the apple downt fall far from the tree. But I guess at least we choked on our vomit and not on a dick. Female empowerment, y'all!" Suddenly I kinda felt sympahy for my mum. I was about to off her, no kidding. But hr way of sayig this stuff n'all, y'know, it made me feel conneced with her. Like we might have something in common after all, if only our way of sying.

So we did the only logical thing; we has gay sex. gay incest sex. because incest is wincest. y'knwow?

So then Satan imself showed up and was like "Umm you kinda sorta killed your dad even thought woure already in h3ll, and now I guess he's dead for realy, like, I ean lreally for real, no going back ever, he's not even in hell, he just doesnÄt ucking exist anymore!" I was like "cool" and mum was like "yeeessss finally" Satan said "I've never actually witnessed andybody being so dead the can't even be in hell, omfg you're so one of a kind" he proceeded to take off his horns – really they're kist tow horns on a fucking headband like you can buy in Octover before hallween, and he anded them over to me and offered them to e. So I took em and put em o y glamourous head. He said "I jereby crpwn you as new Satan, you cunt. Make me proud. I'mm ff to heacen now, gonna chase soe angel-skirt" we winked salacously at me and disapperd. I wore my new headband like the horns they were and all of h3ll bowed to me cuz now I ruled them. So aweseome.

Due tue the fact that I was now Merchdesk-Atan, I decided to have a rave party. Mum said "You now I actually named you MERCEDES and not whatever you misspell you name honey" and I sid "I can spell my fucking name however i eant to" and continued to plan the party.

Scooter was just dragging in some massive speakers ans light equipment and stuff. Equpment is really his thing, u see, since he's equipped as fuck, and he named soe of out new lights "nyium nyum" cuz it makes e sound of a fax machine or printer, a reall old and slow one might I add, and ou can really hear it when one song caned to another and it's quite for a moment. So we had our part with all of our freinds cuz they somehow all died wehn I OD'd cuz they missed me so much and died from broken hart.

Then I said to some random gey real h3xily "You wanna duck with me?" and he was extatic: "Yes oc I've always wanted to ado9pt a duck with some random hot chick!" and I was like disgustet" omg no I didnÄt mean it like that" h said "yes you did you said you wnna DUCK with me" nd I said "ywa!°°°°!" and I didnt know wheher to be angry or amused so I desiced t go for amuesd and said "yeah why he h3ll not let's adpot a duck, I need a new pet enyway" I eyes Pari5 annoyedly. tudid fckn dog srsly who needs her?

So we adpoed a duck and named it "Banana" cuz while naimg er we had some liquit that taeed like chololate banana. My grandpa made it. (A/N yeah furreal our grandpam akes so much liquor none in out family actuly can drink all of it before dyig, be it of liquor poisoning or natural death we're jus gonna passt it on fo generations now i guess)

So noq Banana is my cute little h3llish pet and gueess wut? sheÄs always ducking she's h3lla cute. but not as much as I am, cuz I'm h4lla cute, geddit? just like I'm h4xy af.

I realized was issing my partner in crime, Deadward. I decided to go and get him. So I hopped on one leg cuz through my new headband-horns I knew that's how Satan managed to travel through the layers, and suddenly I was on earth again- Only I was in m old body. Which was rotting away. I must admit, with some of my flesh showing, my eyws cloudly-blue and that sickening cracking sound my joints made while moving I got myself off real good. I love necrophilia. Damnit. So I had about 30 orgasms until I finally found Deadward. He was so shocked and said "Wow you look so dead but you're even more hawt this way" and he confessed "I'm SOOOO into necrophilia"

So I lay down and played dead for him- and he ducked me. Sudenly my h3llish pet Banana showed up and said "you called for me master" and I said "no go back whut are ya doing here? I jus misspelled that I meand to say DUCKED2 aww damit FFFF EF EF EF ffffucked I mean!" fukinf aoutocorrect man who needs that shit? im gonna jizz al over the fucking authoe like srsly only gets in teh way man! so banana smiled cheekiy and said "yeah whatever yo usay. bet you wanna DUCK me haha" and I sthought ywah why not nand I stuck my effin dick unto her cuz I got both a dick and a cunt for I'ma hermaphodite ya know. and you know what's even more sick? cuz IÄm satan now, I have not one, but two, TWO DICKS ya know?! I'm SO fucking HAAAWWWT and H4XY, no, even better. I'm h5xy, yÄknow?! Or, even better, I'm h69xy!