The Second Summer of a Few

Annie and Eren began spending time together again.

Hardly a surprise to most, many of the cadets just attributed their temporary separation to a small fight that the pair eventually resolved. Despite the heat of the summer, they could usually be found in the training paddock after 3DMG classes sparring, lacking restraint and discretion. The only time they held back were during grapples and locks when dislocations were possible, as they didn't want to render one or the other out of commission for their actual Cadet training.

This did not sit well with Mikasa.

Eren could tell that she was simmering under the surface; a sense of jealousy and annoyance would always flare whenever Annie came within the vicinity. Her visage would darken, her voice became cold and unwelcoming, until her demeanour turned downright disdainful. It was oddly similar to his own reactions around Bertholt.

He could start avoiding Mikasa, Eren reasoned, treat her the same way he did the tall pest of a man. But she deserves better and he knows it, and avoiding his adopted sister also meant distancing himself from their mutual friends. Eren didn't know if it was instinct or something entirely different, but he felt that alienating those around him to be a terrible idea – one that would lead to dire consequences.

Annie insisted that he confront her; Mikasa joined the Corps for him after all,and would even follow Eren to the Scouts. For him to just suddenly abandon her halfway because of her attachment could be too expedient a decision. Perhaps it was guilt, but his mind wandered to nonsensical images: Mikasa and a gun, an event (whether real or imagined) that Eren hoped to never see or experience again.

"What's the best way to approach her?"

Annie shrugged, "She's your sister, shouldn't you know?"

"All I can think of is that the two of us have to talk alone. Armin can't be around or else he'll start answering questions for her."

"You can follow Mikasa around until she's by herself, then move in and have that discussion."

Eren nodded, "Tomorrow night then, we'll start following her after the 3DMG exercises."

"We? I don't want to get involved here."

"Too bad, since you already are."

With a sigh, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and accepted the imposed mission, "I suppose you do need my help."

In more ways than you realize, "Thanks Annie."

XXX

A window of opportunity presented itself quite late in the day, appearing after dinner when Armin separated from Mikasa in order to discuss the day's lesson with Bertholt. Jean nearly ruined Eren's chance until Marco dragged him away, off to clean and maintain their respective maneuver gears in the supply shed. And so Mikasa was seated by herself in the corner of the mess hall, staring in contemplation at the red scarf wrapped around her.

"You should go," Annie whispered from beside him, "before Jean changes his mind and comes back."

"Can I just say how scary it is that you're very good at sneaking around?"

She nudged his back with her shoulder, "No you can't. Now move!"

Exiting the kitchens and heading into the sparsely populated mess hall, Eren moved with purpose and found himself seated beside his sister. Judging from her look of surprise, he actually managed to catch her off guard.

"Eren."

Despite not knowing how to start the conversation or what to say, words spilled out of his mouth with ease, "Mikasa, why is it that you care so much about me?"

"Huh?"

"Is it because I saved you when you were a kid?"

Her jaw dropped, "Huh?"

"Or is it because I'm family?"

She was blushing, stammering; unable to articulate an answer.

"What am I to you?"

"Y-" Mikasa's voice trembled; her fragility reminded him of the little girl he saved those many years ago, "You're family."

Eren nodded, "I see." With a gentleness that surprised even himself, he held Mikasa's hand with both of his. Looking into her eyes, he gave her a heartfelt reply that felt like something his very being had been dying to convey to her, and just now found a way to do so.

"This world is cruel, yet beautiful. Its existence allows for great love and wonderful experiences, but also allows for the opposite to be true: undying hatred, selfishness, and terrible suffering. I think friends, and the family we choose, are there so that we can share in the happiness and the burdens; to support one another and celebrate unalone. You're my family, Mikasa, the only one left."

"And you mine." Silent tears rolled down the girl's cheeks, her focus on him unwavering.

"We will be going our different ways," A look of shock appeared on her visage, "There's no helping it – you can follow me all you want, but it feels like we'll have different paths in the future."

"T-That can't be!" But as much as Mikasa disagreed she knew that he was right. Eren was someone that had always moved forward, away from her, and she always struggled to catch up.

"My hope is that no matter what, we can always find a home in each other. No matter the time apart, or the distance, I hope you and I can always consider each other family. Supporting each other in this cruel yet beautiful world."

A long silence followed Eren's dialogue, his mind processing what was just said as he had no idea where all that came from. Looking at Mikasa he could deduce that she was also going through the same, never having expected for Eren to speak the way he just did; blunt yet verbose, direct while being indirect.

It was very much unlike him.

"I hope that too." She conceded, knowing that it was the best she could get from him. Eren will always do whatever it is he felt necessary to fulfill his birthright of freedom; whether she's beside him or not.

"You and I will become close to other people-"

"Annie."

"Yes."

"I don't trust her, she's hiding something."

Eren nodded, "She's not here for a better life, she's here because she has to be."

Mikasa's eyes widened, "Did she tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I said the exact same thing to Annie when I returned her bladed ring."

He searched his mind deeply, trying to remember if such a conversation took place between him and Annie, but he already knew that the answer was no.

Not this time.

"I guess we just had the same impression, especially since she's a terrible liar."

Mikasa actually managed to snicker, "I won't get between you two. I was worried that you were doing something reckless getting closer to her, when you're actually-"

"On the same page as you." Eren finished her train of thought, a sense of familiarity ringing in his mind, as though this was not the first time they've spoken of this.

She scowled, causing him to laugh and annoying her further, "I still don't trust her."

"Then don't," He let go of her hand, "trust me to make my own decisions and deal with their consequences."

"Fine."

"And I trust you to make your own decisions as well, and to support them as long as they're reasonable."

Mikasa's eyebrows furrowed and gave him a piercing stare, "Who are you?"

"Eren?" He answered, confused by the question, "Your brother?"

"It doesn't feel like it… but it's undeniably you. Maybe Annie is having too much of an influence."

"Is that a bad thing?"

She shook her head, "Just different."

The pair became silent once again not knowing how to continue their discussion; the capacity for heartfelt conversations was never really in them to begin with. Even the traumatic event of the murder of Mikasa's parents was never talked about – she avoided bringing up the topic, and Eren never felt the need to breach the subject. To him, family didn't need to speak or rationalize, but to just be present and support one another.

Eren was beginning to realize that Mikasa's induction into the family wasn't traditional in any way shape or form, and therefore they needed to talk about it. He needed her to understand what it meant exactly to be in a family together, since her views on it varied from his.

She knows, the voice echoed in his head, Mikasa is smart, she knows what you're trying to say.

"Thank you," Her voice was small, barely a whisper, "for wrapping this scarf around me."

Eren also knew what exactly she was thanking him for – his acceptance, protection, love, comfort, when she needed it and even when she didn't.

All encompassed by the red scarf.

"I'll wrap it around you, again and again. As much as you want." Standing up he brushed the girl's black hair behind her ear, "It's getting long, you should cut it before you get into an accident during maneuver training."

He began walking away towards the front door of the mess hall, not wanting to expose Annie's presence in the kitchens.

"Eren." Turning back, he saw Mikasa smiling as she clutched at her (his) red scarf, fresh tears present in her eyes, "Thank you."

He returned the smile and felt a burden lifted from his shoulders. Eren was unsure if it was instinct or understanding, but he knew from then on that Mikasa would always have his back. This time of her own volition.

It will take more than a single conversation to make her truly understand, but it's a start.

It felt like an exercise in futility, but Eren did his best to try and integrate Annie with the other trainees in the 104'th.

No longer just limiting their interactions to simply sparring, Eren pulled her into study sessions and some team-building exercises that Shadis assigned to the Cadets. Mikasa wasn't happy, but she accepted her nevertheless, leaving Annie stunned at the change of heart. This did not go unnoticed by the others in their small group, prompting Armin to grab Eren aside one summer day to interrogate him.

"What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"This!" Gesturing wildly at the scene behind them; Annie's arms crossed as she watched Sasha and Conny playing around at the training paddock, "Annie's such a lone wolf, I don't understand how you persuaded her to join us."

Eren responded with a shrug as he observed Mikasa's shadowboxing.

"And your sister, she hates Annie!"

"Hate might be a bit too much."

Armin scratched his head in frustration, "If those two end up in a fight, I wouldn't know what to do."

"Don't worry, if it comes to that, I'll step in."

"More like get stepped on."

With a laugh Eren wrapped an arm around the shorter man and squeezed him a little tighter than intended, "When did your tongue get so sharp, Armin?"

To Eren's surprise, his friend suddenly escaped his clutches and got behind him. Wondering what was going through Armin's mind, he reacted too late and found himself in a standing rear chokehold, feeling the other man's legs wrapped around his torso to compensate for his shorter height. He smiled at the attempt and prepared to counterattack, knowing the perfect technique to utilize since Armin was considerably lighter.

"We've seen it all, Eren." Armin's disembodied voice echoed from behind him, "Flaming water, frozen earth, snowy plains of sand."

Did we? He wanted to ask, for the only thing he could see was the all encompassing darkness.

"It's not the world we dreamed of." Dissatisfaction was palpable in his voice, "We shared in the hope that seeing the ocean would mean our freedom, but..."

That wasn't the case. He wanted to make his disappointment known, but found he couldn't feel much of anything.

"Everyone has sacrificed everything to get to this point, you especially. You threw away your humanity for our sake, destroyed your soul, suffered knowing full well what you were going to be. Yet here I am, right behind you, spitting on the face of all you've done."

What are you talking about, Armin? He wanted to scream, yet he had no mouth.

"I don't know a damn thing anymore." Eren could hear him crying from somewhere behind his back. He wanted to share the sentiment, considering that he had absolutely no idea what was happening.

It was dark. He could barely hear. His emotions felt deadened. He could not speak. The mind felt like cotton; devoid of any true substance and filled with air. All he wanted was… Release.

"My dreams have turned to ash and hope is nothing but sand in my mouth, but I still want to believe..." Eren could make out the muffled sounds of rustling fabric.

Believe what?

As though answering the question, Armin continued speaking, "I want to believe that there's still a world we don't know about yet out there..."

A ticking sound entered his fading senses, bringing confusion as to what was causing it.

"Unfortunately, we can't be around for it – our deaths are needed to bring about this unknown world."

Ah, is that so? Acceptance overcame him.

The ticking increased in tempo.

"I love you, Eren. It's been exciting being with you, until the very end."

The ticking intensified.

I love you too, Armin. It's been an honor being your friend.

The ticking almost sounded like a single continuous ringing of shrill bells.

After all, you're the bravest person I've ever known.

"Eren?! EREN?!"

"You dead, Jaeger?"

"Ereeeeeen?"

He could hear a multitude of voices shouting his name in panic, assaulting his senses, causing his ears to ring unpleasantly, "Shut up!" his mouth managed to shout.

Brightness assailed his vision as the bodies hovering above him scattered, allowing sunlight to pass unhindered. The sudden overstimulation of his senses, coupled by the intense emotions brought on by what he experienced, caused him to suddenly sprint in a random direction until he vomited on the ground. Eren fell on his knees and began shuddering uncontrollably as tears and spit dripped off his face.

Breathe, you must breathe!

Heeding the instruction he took big gulping breaths, but ended up inhaling liquid which prompted him to spew once more. Exhaustion overtook his body and Eren collapsed in a heap, making sure to avoid the pile of mess he'd made.

What the hell was that? Through half-lidded eyes he saw Mikasa and Sasha running towards him, while Conny and Armin followed them in a more sedate pace.

Annie was further away, wide-eyed and her jaw set, seemingly distressed; the thought of her worrying about him brought a modicum of satisfaction. Eren fully closed his eyes and tried to process what just happened, however the noise made it difficult to do so and his brain felt thoroughly spent.

"You almost killed him, Armin!" He heard Conny shout, "What did you do?!"

"I-I-I don't know!" The man spluttered a reply, "I didn't hold back because I thought he would fight me off, Eren's always been much stronger than me! But he just stood there like a statue until he collapsed!"

Two pairs of arms lifted him to his feet and he stood shakily, muttering a whispered thanks.

"Shouldn' waste yer food, vomitin's a capital offense!"

"Sasha, now's not the time." Mikasa's voice sounded both tired and exasperated.

It took a few moments for what Sasha said to register in his mind, but when it did, the absurdity of it all caused Eren to laugh, softly at first. His laughter increased, and by the time Armin and Conny appeared in front of him he was outright guffawing, tears falling from his eyes as his stomach ached. Eren was leaning on his knees to support himself, for the girls had moved away in confusion at his sudden outburst.

"You damaged his brain, Armin! Shadis is going to kill us, we hurt one of the top recruits!"

Gasping for air and trying to regaining his composure, Eren waved to get the panicking recruit's attention, "Relax, Conny, I'm fine."

"You passed out and threw up," Annie's voice cut through the din, "I don't think that qualifies as fine."

Forcing a smile, he looked around at the people surrounding him, Armin's words during what he saw (Lived? Felt? Experienced?) echoing in his mind:

Everyone has sacrificed everything to get to this point…

"I'll run over to the infirmary just to make sure, but I feel fine."

Armin grabbed his wrist, "I should go with you, this is all my fault."

Wrapping a hand around Armin's grip, Eren offered a gentle squeeze, "I'll be fine, believe me. It's my fault for underestimating you; you're stronger than you let on!" He hoped that the fake toothy smile would work on the blond.

"I-If you say so, Eren." He let go of his arm, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Patting Armin's shoulder he departed, "make sure Annie and Mikasa don't kill each other."

Ignoring their indignant protests Eren headed for the direction of the infirmary, keeping an air of strength while he could feel their eyes on him. It was exhausting and nerve-wracking, trying to pretend that everything was alright when nothing could be further from reality, but he had to maintain the façade.

He got about halfway before emotion overwhelmed him. Suddenly ducking within a copse of trees, Eren curled underneath the shade and bit into his arm, muffling his anguished screaming. He could taste the coppery tang of blood but ignored the pain – there was something worse than this.

Worse than death.

They're all going to die; I'm going to die with Armin, for what? What does it all mean? Why am I seeing all of this? Is it even real?!

Maddened, Eren began hitting his head against the ground, as if to beat answers into himself.

The visions. The voices. The violence.

Stop this foolishness, renew your resolve.

He froze, remembering the half-forgotten words from those many years ago, back when the Walls fell.

"If you want to save Mikasa, Armin, and everyone else, don't lose the key. Protect Annie."

Yet at the same time there was another truth he gleaned last season: that Annie has to die – by his hands.

Do I kill her or do I protect her? What exactly is it that I have to do!? There's still the damn basement!

Silence followed his mental ramblings.

Eren fell on his back and stared blankly at the forest canopy above him, feeling absolutely drained and lost. Despite the voice's command his resolve felt nonexistent more than anything, the confusion and dread made him think that maybe death would be the easier way out.

It would be so easy, dark thoughts pervaded his mind, Shadis' office has a rifle, not hard to sneak in this time of day.

He didn't know how he knew that, never having step foot in the instructor's office, but Eren knew it was the truth.

Somehow.

Author's Notes:

Firstly, many thanks to Lucadina for always doing an excellent job with the editing, she pushes the story quality and flow from [bleh] to [good]! Secondly, my apologies for the chapter being late by a week, work has been very demanding. Next chapter should be out in 3-5 weeks if works stays the way it is, which is a big if; hospital situations seem to be getting worse. Thirdly, many thanks to the readers, reviewers, and lurkers who enjoy and support the story - I hope you continue to do so!

A word of warning: we're entering a darker part of the story now and the rating will be moved from T to M due to language and themes in the near future. I hope this doesn't deter people from the story, but it was inevitable, especially with Eren's psyche the way it is.