Happy Christmas/ Holidays everyone! I hope you're all staying safe during the holidays. This will be my last update for 2020 so I hope you all enjoy this little Christmas chapter. All mistakes are mine, see you in 2021! :)
As the days turned to weeks, and with Christmas fast approaching, Violet and Rachel soon fell into working routine that they both felt comfortable with.
After taking 2 weeks off to settle into her 'new normal' with Rachel, Violet returned to her old school, with Rachel collecting her three days a week and spending the other two with Quinn, Charlie and Dylan.
On the days she didn't collect Violet, Rachel spent most of her mornings and afternoons trying to make sense of everything that had happened throughout the last month. Obviously it was a huge change, but she still made time to stick to her old routine.
She spent most mornings with Santana, who had become an even bigger help, if that was even possible, to the mother and daughter as they adjusted to this drastic change.
Violet had felt comfortable with meting Rachel's dads during thanksgiving, after the two men begged to meet their granddaughter. Violet had been sick with panic, not wanting to make a bad impression on Rachel's dads, but the day had gone smoothly as the family spent time getting to know each other.
Rachel felt comfortable that Violet now had an army of family and friends ready to fight in her corner, but there was still a minor thought at the back of her head that wouldn't leave her alone. Finn.
Quinn had passed on Kurt's address and had asked Rachel is she had made any plans multiple times, but she couldn't give her a straight answer. With Christmas less than 3 weeks away, she was trying to stay focused on giving Violet a good Christmas. Based on what Quinn had told her, the girl was so used to Christmas passing like any other day, so she wanted to give her a chance at being as excited as a kid. Was this distracting her from giving Violet her full attention?
She eventually gave up and called Santana, who never failed to give her the hard cold truth. It was a cold afternoon in early December, and her finger had been hovering over the button to book a ticket to Ohio for the past hour. She didn't need to pick Violet up for another hour or two, so made the call asking her friend to stop by for some tough love.
"What's up?" Santana asked, not waiting to be invited into the apartment, instead pushing past the shorter girl and dropping down onto the couch.
"I need your honest answer, if you were in my position, would you go talk to Kurt or would you wait until the new year? Is it a lot to throw at someone right before the holidays?"
Santana thought for a moment, sure, it was a lot of information to land on someone, but why should the fact that it's Christmas change anything? Rachel had gotten her fair share of shit, and Violet literally showed up on the anniversary or her daughters death. Santana had nothing against Finn, but why should he get to enjoy Christmas while Rachel's sitting worrying about his reaction when she should be focused on giving Violet a nice day?
"Honestly, I'd do it before Christmas. At least then you'll have a straight answer. You won't have to think about what he'll say or what he'll do because you'll already know. You deserve to enjoy the holidays, they're hard enough for you as it is."
Rachel thought about Santana's answer. The holidays were always a difficult time, from her dad working shifts at the hospital on Christmas Day most years when she was younger, to Bailey, Rachel always just tried her best to make it through the holidays. She wanted nothing more than to make this year a memorable one for Violet, who had been through as much, if not more than Rachel. She didn't want any distractions.
"Ever thought of becoming a professional advice-giver?" Rachel joked, turning to hug Santana.
"Seriously though, thanks for helping. It's been stressing me for a while."
"You should've come to me sooner, you know I'd drop everything for you, right?"
Santana pulled away and noticed the tears in Rachel's eyes.
"Rach, what's the matter?" She asked softly. Santana had never been great with handling emotions, whether it be hers or other people. However, she was always especially careful when it came to Rachel.
"Sorry, it's just...I..." She trailed off, wiping her eyes before any more tears could fall. She didn't know why she was sad. Possibly a mix of everything, Violet, Bailey, Finn.
"I just hate Christmas. It's meant to be such an amazing time when you let go and enjoy yourself, but I can't. I want to, I'm going on this new journey with Violet and I really, really want to, but I just can't."
Santana wrapped her arms around her friend and blinked back tears of her own. She was thrilled Rachel had Violet, she seemed happier than she had been in such a long time, but the past understandably continued to knock her down.
"Can I be honest with you again?" Santana mumbled softly as Rachel sat up from her tight grip. She gave a small nod, urging her to continue.
"It's your decision, but I'm second guessing my advice. Giving yourself one more thing for the holidays might not be the best idea. I know you don't want to be worrying, but let's face it, either way you're a worrier."
This earned her a small laugh as she continued.
"Nobody is setting a timer on when you have to do anything. This is your first Christmas with Violet, so maybe you should try focusing on ways to make it work for both of you. Don't worry about making amends with old boyfriends, that's not what's most important. Violet may want a nice fresh start to how she celebrates Christmas, maybe she'll want to talk about memories she has of Cora or her friends. You have your traditions that help you. You still hang Bailey's stocking and buy her a gift. That doesn't have to change. You'll figure out something that will work out for both of you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't need to seek anybody's else's approval, you don't owe anything to anyone, Finn included. I know I encouraged you earlier, but I think you should focus on yourself for a change, you deserve it."
Rachel continued quietly crying while nodding along to what Santana was saying. She thought she was right earlier, but what she was saying now seemed to sit better with her. She shut her laptop and turned back to face her friend, burning her face in her hands once she did so.
"I miss her so much. I just want to see her again, to hold her and tell her I love her." She sniffed, and Santana blinked back tears of her own. Rachel said something similar to this last year when it had been her first Christmas without Bailey and Mitchell, and it broke her heart to hear her wish for such a simple thing once more.
Violet noticed that Rachel picked her up from Lucy's a little earlier than usual, but didn't question her. Rachel's eyes were bloodshot, as though she had been crying, but she didn't want to say the wrong thing.
Later that evening, once she had showered and helped clean up the dishes after dinner, Rachel patted the sofa beside her, gesturing for her to sit down.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Rachel asked, gazing into the girls hazel eyes. Violet nodded after hesitating for a moment. Rachel could tell she was nervous, so smiled to try calm both her and Violets nerves.
"It's noting bad, I'm just curious, is there anything in particular you'd like to do for Christmas? I know we went to my dads for thanksgiving, and we could do the same for Christmas if that's what you want, or we could stay home and have a quiet day with just the two of us. We could even ask Quinn and her family over if it's what you'd like. It's our first Christmas together so I want to do whatever you're comfortable with."
With money usually being pretty tight when she was younger, Violet didn't have many fond memories of Christmas. After her mom died she began going to Lucy's, but even then it didn't feel right. The presence of her mom was always missing.
"Um... I don't really like Christmas because, well, it hasn't been the same since mom died. I...I kinda like the idea of a quiet Christmas with just us, if you're ok with it?" She replied quietly.
She wondered what Rachel usually did, and what things were like with Bailey. Having a baby around during Christmas sounded adorable, she hoped Rachel had happy memories.
"That sounds perfect. I don't love Christmas anymore either because it's too hard. Usually I'd go to my dads but a quiet day with the two of us sounds lovely. We can laze around eating cookies and watching Christmas specials all day."
Violet nodded and wrapped her arms around Rachel. She surprised herself every time she did this, but it just felt so natural, so comforting.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Rachel asked, gently combing her hands through her wavy hair.
"Everything."
When Christmas Day rolled around, Rachel awoke feeling secretly relieved she had a relaxed day ahead of her. She stayed up late the night before laying out Violets presents, and was looking forward to having a chilled out day.
She got up, not bothering to make the bed, and made her way to Violets bedroom door, knocking before slowly opening the door. She was surprised to see the room was empty, but assumed she was in the bathroom. Heading towards the kitchen, she could hearing the whizzing of the coffee machine, and couldn't help but grin as she saw Violet getting two mugs out of the cupboard. It was a small, simple thing, but she was delighted Violet felt comfortable enough to get up and start working around the kitchen without worrying about what Rachel thought.
Clearly noticing Rachel's presence, Violet turned around and smiled.
"Happy Christmas, Rachel." She handed her a mug filled with coffee as Rachel pulled her into a side hug.
"Happy Christmas, Darling. Thanks for the coffee, I'm freezing." She disappeared into the washroom to turn on the heating, and returned to find Violet pulling two neatly wrapped presents out from under the tree.
"These...these are from me. You don't have to open them yet if you don't want. And I can return them if you don't like them, sorry it's not a lot."
Rachel could practically feel her heart swell as she failed to hold back yet another crazy grin.
"Vi, you didn't have to get me anything. Thank you so much sweetie."
She sat down in the couch, followed by a nervous Violet, and opened the first present, a fluffy white blanket with grey pom-poms.
"This is exactly what I need right now! Come here." She wrapped the blanket around both their shoulders as Violet nervously laughed.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it, I hope you didn't spend too much, your allowance is for you, not for me."
Violet gave a small smile and shrugged. "I couldn't help it."
She handed over a much smaller present, and as she did, Rachel noticed Violets leg starting to bounce.
She tossed the crumpled paper on the floor which revealed a small white box. She opened it to find a simple gold necklace, with a dainty letter 'B' hanging from the end. Rachel tried furiously to hold back the tears that sprung into her eyes, but ultimately failed.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just saw it and thought it would be something you'd like. I can return it, I'm sorry." Violet rambled in a panic.
"No, no. I'm sorry, Vi I absolutely love it. This is one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever gotten. You...you don't know how much this means to me. Thank you, Darling."
Violet sighed, relieved that Rachel loved her presents. She'd been nervous about them since the moment she bought them.
It was then Rachel's turn to give out presents, watching Violet unwrap a laptop that she lied and said was purely for 'school use' when she insisted it was too much, some new clothes she ordered online ranging from casual to more fancy outfits, a picture frame as she noticed the girl arrived with photo albums filled with happier childhood memories, and finally a stuffed polar bear with a blue scarf.
"I know the stuffed animal is probably a little kiddish, but I thought the teddy in your room could use a friend." Rachel explained as Violet opened her last present.
"Thank you so much, this is all too much. I...I really really appreciate it." Violet thanked her over and over.
"There's no need to thank me darling, you're an amazing young girl, you deserve it."
The two spent the day lounging on the sofa, sharing memories of their favourite Christmases, and even some of their least favourites. They laughed, cried, and laughed some more, both girls secretly thrilled that they could be so open with one another.
They finished the day with a marathon of Christmas movies and hot chocolate, Violet falling asleep towards the end of their third movie.
Rachel sat back and admired the girl leaning against her. It was a quiet, relaxed day, and Rachel couldn't help but think about this time last year. The day was full of tears and sadness, and whilst today involved some tears, Rachel was the happiest she had been in a long time.