This chapter is a little longer than the previous ones.
I hope you enjoy
A note for this chapter : Key Stage two is aimed at school children between the ages of 7 and 11.
:: Amber POV ::
The soft notes of Christmas music drifted into my ears as I wandered slowly through the packed bookshelves of the local bookstore. I had dropped into the store on the way back home from work, fully intending to pick up some educational books for Fili, but now that I was here looking at the educational section I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed at the vast selection of books on offer. I had entirely skipped the Maths and History books as I felt that right now those were subjects the dwarf had no need for, and had settled for perusing the Science and Technology books instead since I felt those were the things that I would struggle to teach him the most.
I ran my fingers along the spines of the books, entirely ignoring the college and high school level books and settling for examining the Key Stage Two books. Fili wasn't a stupid man by any stretch of the imagination, and had quite the extensive teaching given the time era he'd been pulled from, but that didn't mean I could just start him off with higher education stuff when he hadn't even learned any of the basics. He needed a book that would explain things like electricity and modern mechanics simply, in a way that he could easily understand.
My fingers picked out a book entirely about the concept of electricity, something I already struggled to explain as it was. Before Fili had come into my life, I would turn on the television or flip on a light and not even thought about it beyond that. It was all stuff I had learned about in school and promptly forgotten the moment I was flung into adult life - because who needed the knowledge of the intricate workings of the power grid when you worked in retail?.
Then Fili had asked about it and flung me into the role of very unprepared teacher.
The book slipped into the crook of my arm alongside the book about modern technology I had selected moments beforehand and moved to rub my palm against a spot just above my right breast where a low ache had settled some hours before. I still didn't fully understand what it was to be a One. Yes, there was the concept of a soul mate in romantic literature, but it didn't seem to be quite as - physical - as the dwarven version. Fili had assured me I wouldn't always ache like this when I was away from him, that my brain would eventually learn to filter out the additional stimulus over time, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with right now.
Given that it was my 'soul' yearning to be near its partner and not a physical pain, I couldn't even treat it with over-the-counter painkillers. Lord knows I had already tried that method of dealing with the aching sensation. The best way to deal with it beyond getting home to Fili was to rub at the area as if I had sore muscles, though I thought it was more the movement distracting me from the pain than the warmth of my hands that helped. My body shifted slightly to ease the weight from one foot to the other as I shifted my attention back to the books, trying my best to get back to the task at hand.
The sooner I was done with my task, the sooner I could get back to the comfort of my home, and wrap myself up in the arms of my partner.
My eyes scanned the books once more, entirely at a loss for what else I needed to grab. I didn't think I needed to worry about Chemistry, Biology or Physics. Perhaps a more general encyclopaedia of science would be of more value? It was worth having for those more obscure things without having to spend a fortune on a book for every subject in the scientific world. I grabbed the first book I laid my eyes on, adding it to the growing pile and grunting at the added weight of the rather thick tome. Why the bookstore didn't have some kind of small trolley for carting around your purchases was beyond my understanding. Surely I wasn't the only one that needed to buy multiple books for home-schooling.
A brightly coloured book toward the lower part of the shelf drew my attention, a blush forming on my face as I focused on the title of the book and realised it was a sexual education book. My desires for Fili had been steadily growing for the last few days now, and I was sure that eventually we were bound to give into that lust for one another. I was comforted because if we had sex, I would at least be protected. I had been getting a contraceptive injection each year, having started not long after I met Troy, and had kept up with my appointments even though he'd left not long after. I had loved the fact it controlled the mess that was my menstrual cycle - no more god awful cramps!
I adjusted the pile of books in my arms as I turned away from the shelf and made my way to the payment counter, thinking that I had more than enough books to keep the dwarf busy for some weeks now.
My eyes scanned the festive decorations that festooned the table as I approached it and wondered when I would start feeling a bit more christmassy. It was only just approaching the end of October, more than enough time to feel festive, but it was hard to feel that way when I still had so much responsibility on my hands. A pile of illustrated books about the nativity story had been propped on the countertop, another element of the festive display that had been put together by the store staff, and I reached over to add one of them to my pile that was already being scanned up for purchase. This was going to cost me a fortune, but I didn't mind too much. My business loan to set up Fili's new and still very secret business had finally been approved, and I now had a bit of additional money to cover the cost of the books.
With the books paid for and the heavy bag in hand, I made my way out of the store and into the cool autumnal air.
I looked along the road, scanning for the clothing store I had made a click and collect order with during my lunch break, and made a beeline for it the moment I spotted it. Life would have been easier if I had ordered online, but it was so much quicker to just go to the store then wait a few days for the stuff to come in the mail. The clothes store was a little busier than the bookstore had been, full of people browsing the isles and waiting patiently at the checkout. Groups of friends chattered away at the entrance, either biding their time to go in, or waiting for a friend to come out and join them. I slipped past the chattering groups and made my way into the store, feeling rather pleased with myself for ordering to pick up.
Browsing in the quiet of a bookshop was an enjoyable thing. Browsing in a clothes shop and constantly having people barging in to grab something you were looking at without so much as a 'how do you do' was less enjoyable. I would have called it positively stressful. Finding the click and collect area was thankfully relatively easy, and a large bag of clothing was soon held in my opposite hand as I struggled out of the busy store and back out into the relative quiet of the main street. The scent of cooking crepes reached my nose from a nearby food stall, reminding my now rumbling stomach that it had been too long since I had eaten, and that it was now time to catch the bus and get home.
A grunt left me as I adjusted the weight of the bags in my hands as I made my way down the street, making me wish that I had brought Fili with me, but knowing he wasn't quiet ready yet to leave the house. I hadn't even taught him what a car was, let alone any basic road sense - I'd been more focused on worrying about the technology he already faced daily in my home, hence my need to get some books.
The weight of the bags was momentarily loosened from my hands, dropped carefully to the ground as I finally reached the bus stop, once again lifting my hand to rub at the ache that had returned behind my ribcage. I made a visual check for when the next bus would arrive as I stood there. The sign that was attached to the stop showed a short five-minute wait, which wasn't at all that bad, and I leaned myself in against a nearby wall instead of taking a seat on the proved bench.
While I waited, I watched the poor woman at the stop beside mine as she tried to keep her large brood of young children under control. She looked so tired that it made me feel positively energetic despite my tiredness and the weight of responsibility on my shoulders.
The hand that had been rubbing my chest lifted to run through my hair, trying to smooth the messy locks back into place, and tucking my braid back behind my ear. I was still getting used to wearing the courting braid as I'd never worn my hair in one style for long, and I especially was not used to any kind of hair jewelry. As I adjusted the braid, the cool metal of the cuffs pressed against the skin of my neck, drawing a shiver from my body, and I pulled my scarf tighter around me to warm both the cuffs and my insides. I should have put it up in a ponytail with the rest of my hair, no one would know what it meant if they saw it after all, but I still felt that I very much wanted people to see it - so I had gotten in the habit of letting it hang loose.
Thankfully for me I didn't have to worry about the chill much longer as the bus pulled up to the stop and I had never boarded a bus so quick in my life.
I dropped myself and my bags into the nearest seat, and rested my head against the window as I watched the world pass me by. The mass of buildings and the constant sound of traffic sometimes made me wonder about the world Fili had left behind and what it had been like. I'd been in the countryside before, but I very much doubted that came close to being even near what middle earth had been like. Even in the countryside's quiet you could not escape the sound of aircraft, and nor could you escape the light pollution from the cities. I couldn't even remember the last time I had seen the dusting of stars and space dust that represented the arms of the milky way. What did a world that had not been tarnished by human development look like? The sheer stillness and natural beauty it must have had.
If only things had been the opposite way. If only I had gone to his world instead, so he didn't have to see what humans had done to the world.
My depressed mood followed me off the bus as I got off at my stop, my feet carrying me down the familiar path that led to my home and to the garden gate. From this angle I could easily see Beryl sauntering about in her garden again, a dreamy smile on her face and the garden hose she was holding aimlessly sputtering water half over her patio. It was a clear sign that Fili must have taken advantage of the relatively warm weather and was once again exercising in the back garden. I let out an amused snort as I adjusted the heavy bags, debating on calling out my neighbor for once again perving on the poor man, and instead settled for calling out to Fili.
"Phil ... give us a hand will you, these bags are heavy."
I hated that I had to use a human name for him while outside the four walls of our home. He already bore a striking enough resemblance to the actor that played Fili that I was sure he'd draw attention when I finally got him out of the house, but if I also used his given name when out in public ... he'd get teased within an inch of his life for his 'mother' daring to name him for a fantasy character. Beryl just about jumped out of her skin at the sound of my voice, hastily letting an innocent whistle past her lips as she returned to watering her flowers even as Fili opened up the back gate with a questioning brow raised up into his hairline.
Normally I would be distracted by the sight of the topless male standing in front of me, lord knows it had happened plenty of times before, but today I was distracted for another reason entirely. He had shaved! When I had left that morning he still had been wearing the long remnants of his moustache braids, but those were now gone, as was the goatee. He hadn't completely shaved down to the bare skin, having left a covering of light stubble that was like the style his brother had worn in the movies. Thank goodness he hadn't gone completely baby faced, I rather liked his beard, and wouldn't have known how to feel if he'd shaved down to the bare skin.
"Did you have a good day at work, love?"
He greeted me with a gentle kiss on the cheek as he took the bags from my hands, barely seeming to register the weight - and why would he? Fili was in impeccable shape, even if he didn't have to fight any more. I slipped into step beside him as he walked back toward the house, giving a wave of greeting to Beryl, who was now trying desperately to ignore me as she usually did when I caught her being a bit too nosy for her own good. If she kept being nosy, I would have to get some additional plants or something to block her view into the garden, while Fili hadn't complained about her, I knew that it must not be comfortable for him to have some random woman drooling over him while he tried to exercise.
"Good enough, it's getting really busy with the festive season approaching."
Another questioning look was given and I let out a sigh as I tilted my head toward my home. It was fast becoming my silent explanation to him I would explain once we were back in the privacy of our home. Fili gave a barely perceivable nod, offered me a bright smile as he pushed open the back door for me with a nudge of his elbow and fixed me with an expectant look as he waited for me to step into the house. The scent of something unfamiliar filled my nose as I stepped past the threshold and into the relative warmth of my living room, shrugging out of my thick coat and hanging it up from a hook on the wall.
"You didn't have to cook, you know."
Fili shrugged as he stepped in behind me, closing the door with his foot and laying the bags down onto the sofa. He shifted partially on his heel, leaning his body in such a way that I knew that he was checking on something in the kitchen and then giving me a bright toothed smile.
"I wanted to set up a ... what did you call it the other day? A date night?"
My heart warmed at the knowledge that he'd gone through the effort to do something nice for me. Had Troy ever gone to that effort? I didn't remember if he'd even bothered to do anything nice for me around the house. What had I ever seen in Troy? I was wondering if there ever had been any redeeming qualities to the man. Fili did not take me out to restaurants, or any other date outside our home, but he was attempting to make me feel loved and appreciated despite his limited ability to get out of the house. I slipped in beside him, wrapping an arm around his sweat drenched torso and leaned up to kiss the underside of his jaw.
"Go clean up while I get changed out of my work clothes, I will meet you in the kitchen shortly."
He rumbled a low agreement and I could feel his eyes on me as I slipped out of his arms and into the hallway that led toward the bedrooms. The hallway was slightly darkened as natural light didn't reach that well into this part of my home, but I didn't need to see where I was going to know where my room was - I'd walked this path thousands of times. My hand pushed open the door that would lead to my bedroom, the sounds of the shower starting up in the bathroom reaching my ears as I closed it behind me. I was tempted to go make sure that Fili would be okay, but then reminded myself that he was fine and had stopped needing bathroom help weeks ago.
My work shirt was pulled up over my head and thrown into the laundry basket as I made my way to the wardrobe. I didn't really own much that I would call fancy, most of my clothes falling into the 'comfy and casual' category. The doors of the wardrobe were opened, and my fingers strayed to comb through the few dresses I owned for something that was not too fancy, but also with enough of a wow factor that it would get a reaction out of Fili. I loved getting a reaction out of him. He was very facially expressive for someone of the line of Durin and I kind of wanted to see what he would do if I wore the little cocktail dress I'd purchased for last year's work Christmas Party.
I pulled out the dress, the golden fabric shimmering in the light - I'd wanted something not too fancy, but now that I saw the dress I couldn't help myself but to pick it.
Once I had stepped out of my trousers, the dress was pulled over my body, the fabric moulding perfectly to the curves of my body. I brushed down the fabric as I examined myself in the mirror, my fingers adjusting the dress as it fell down my body. The hemline stopped just above my knees, with a long slit on the right side that revealed quite a lot of thigh, which left me wondering if I was maybe being a little too seductive? I tilted my head slightly as I pondered on the matter, but eventually decided that I was fine the way I was. I had to stop worrying about if I was taking this too quick or not, had to start actually living my life and just let myself be happy again now the opportunity had presented itself.
My fingers pulled my hair out of the ponytail it had been in, a quick spray of some dry shampoo and a quick brush being all I needed for it to look nice enough for the rest of the afternoon. I settled the loose curls over the left side of my head, musing that I didn't look half bad considering I'd just walked in from a long day of work. My head nodded slightly as I checked my appearance in the mirror and made a last judgement that there was nothing more needed to finish my ensemble. I slipped out of my room with a smile on my face, my quick pace carrying me along the short corridor and around the corner into the kitchen where the dwarf was waiting for me.
Fili had his back turned to me as I entered the room, his attention focused on finishing plating up the night's meal, which looked and smelled to be an exceptionally well cooked stew. The dwarf was wearing a blue button-up shirt he'd probably found in the draw of clothing I'd set aside for my brother, and a pair of the black joggers I'd gotten him earlier in the week. His still slightly damp hair was pulled into a loose bun at the nape of his neck, a few wild strands of hair that refused to be tamed falling out down his back in loose wavy curls.
"So, why Phil?"
Of course he knew I was there, he probably got the same sense of warmth and comfort I felt in my core whenever I was near him.
"Was the first human name I could think of in the moment. I can't use your given name, it's too well known and I don't think you want the attention that comes with it."
"The attention?"
I sighed and stepped up behind him to wrap my arms around his body as he half turned to look at me with those pale eyes of his. As a royal, he was probably used to being in the public eye and the attention that came with it - both positive and negative.
"Remember, I told you there is a book written about you? Well, it's fairly popular at the moment as they released a movie about it a year back. People are going to think Fili is the coolest name ever ... or they are going to think you're weird for being named after someone in a novel."
He shrugged as if it didn't bother him that much what people thought of him. He wiggled out of my arms as he picked up the bowls of stew and turned round fully to make his way to the table, but stopped in his tracks as he finally got a good look at what I was wearing. The blush that was forming on his cheeks was much more visible without the bushy beard in the way, and I found it rather endearing to see him so flushed. His eyes slowly roved up and down my body, lips partially opening to let a few flustered words of khuzdul leave him, and I was sure that he'd be kissing me senseless already if he hadn't already been carrying our dinner toward the table.
"In that case, use my human name when you deem appropriate ... just as long as you promise to keep calling me my given name when we are alone, Mahal knows I've lost enough as it is without my name too."
Despite how flustered he must have felt, Fili was still composed enough to keep the conversation going. Part of his princely upbringing, I guessed. He offered me a loving smile, carefully placed the plates down on the table and let out a low, wistful sigh as if maybe wishing that things could be different.
"You look beautiful. I wish they could have met you ..."
I reached over to take his hands into mine, rubbing my thumbs over the backs of his hands and trying to be as supportive as I could.
"I wish I could have met them too. When you are ready, perhaps you will tell me more about them?"
The movies and books had painted his family to be an interesting bunch but lacked the depth to portray what they were like as real life people, and there had to be so much more to them as 'background support characters'.
"I would like that very much."
I smiled affectionately as I let his hands free so we could finally settle down to eat, feeling sad that yet again my world had stolen something from him and I would be sorely pressed to find some way to make up for his loss.