Warnings: trauma, violence, shock

chapter eight - what will ensure you

Bam is still sleeping when Khun wakes up. His mouth is dry and Hatz is the only one awake. And even Hatz is only awake in the vague sense of the word. He looks like he's spent the whole night staring at the ceiling or swinging his sword rather than sleeping. But Khun says nothing, simply looks back at Bam. He doesn't stir. His hands are curled where a weapon could rest and his hair still manages to obscure his face in his sleep.

Cute, his unreliable, useless, tactless id says to him. Khun does his best to ignore it because what if he is? That's not going to heal him any faster. Saying that will only make things worse.

And it isn't a dream. Bam is alive. He is here. With Khun. With… almost everyone.

Shit. He's forgotten the gator. Who knows where he's been in the past couple of years? Didn't he go off with the pickle or something?

Getting in contact with him is going to be hell on earth. But he'll have to manage it. Or get some help. Later. He has no doubts that Rak would just make this worse before better. Bam is just… not delicate but…

"I will get it wrong, I know I will."

"I truly don't understand the difference."

He's still clinging to the things that have brought him to them. He can't be sure but knowing Rak, he'll say something that will set off… god he doesn't know what. Arguing with the gator gives him a headache, he can't imagine what it would do to a person with barely a month of immunity.

Bam's nose scrunches as Khun watches and Khun quietly breathes in as the golden eyes open smoothly, like he'd never been asleep at all. And they're still so empty and it stings. Surprise flits onto his face and he raises his head to look around. He continues to dazedly look around the room and all Khun can think of is that day when Bam had looked about at the sky, hoping it was real. It feels like the same hope, the same wonder, but tainted some ugly black.

"You're still here, Bam," Khun says with a wry grin he doesn't quite feel. "You're not at the workshop."

Bam's gaze snaps to him, and for a moment Khun thinks he sees a glimmer of a light there, but it's gone and Bam's eyes crinkle shut and he says, "Good morning, Khun-ssi," like it didn't happen at all.

But Khun has always picked his battles carefully and therefore knows when to fold it. "Good morning, Bam."

The others will stir properly soon. Hatz is sitting up, practicing his grip. The others are stirring, except, typically, Laure.

Bam doesn't move aside from stretching. Khun watches him. No wasted movements. No loose gestures.

"How's your chest?" he asks.

Bam frowns a bit, touches his middle. "Healed," he supplies. "Sore for a bit longer." Another stretch, sinuous grace and a deep exhale. "Is there anything you would like to eat?" There's a little crack. "I usually make breakfast today with my previous team."

All of Khun's carefully planned conversations and thought processes go out the window because his id is still the most functional part of his brain first thing in the morning and the rest of his brain is just coming online.

"You can cook?" he repeats, interest flaring, thoughts running. Maybe he can give Gyetang a break so he can ogle Endorsi off the team with the excuse of nearly dying of avian flu.

Bam tilts his head. "Yes Khun-ssi, can you?"

"No," Hatz says before Khun can lie. "The only one of us who can cook is Anak and Amigochaz."

Bam bites his lip and nods slowly. "I see. I understand then."

Khun is rather concerned on just what Bam could possibly understand with so little information.

Endorsi dislikes being compared to Khun.

But at the same time, the two of them are typically so meticulous with their routines in the morning that it's caused Hatz to try and interrupt them with a pipe to the head. He's failed obviously but there is merit to the whole thing.

Hence why she's walking out of the bathroom at a stupid ass hour of the day because it's that or be mobbed by a ridiculous number of fans who kept finding where she was staying.

And it was better this way. She could think about everything without the others around. Bam's blank eyes, his not only willingness to attack her but his success. He wasn't that weak little regular anymore, who decided to trail after a girl who clearly wanted nothing to do with him. But in exchange, he is -

Like a broken doll. Not even a servant. Not even a teammate.

And there's only one person to blame. No there are a lot but she can hit one, she can at least hit one. Fucking god.

Being angry isn't good enough either. It's not going anywhere, it's not satisfying. She can't break something. She could fix him, but no one would let her. He just needed to listen to her and it would all be fine. All of it.

At least, ideally. He's never been a very good listener.

She finishes her makeup and packs it away. This morning is… they have a test to go up for to be officially considered a D-Rank Regular. Argh. Didn't they miss the test? It would be fine if they stayed a bit longer right? Went with Bam? But that would be too many people.

And apparently Bam was in his own team. Damn it.

He should just come with them. It'd be fine.

This is why it won't happen, says a nasty voice in the front of her mind, just as the door opens. The familiar sound of wheels on tile makes her fists clench and her teeth nearly grind apart.

It's just another regular. Rachel isn't the only one who needed a wheelchair. Some people need canes, some people floated properly even on the thirtieth floor but couldn't maintain it. Some people were just stubborn climbers.

Yet Endorsi can't help herself. She looks to her left.

And there she is. Maybe not the source of all of her problems, but enough of a source that she feels her body thrum with the thought of causing pain.

Each Jahad Princess is different, but there is a lingering hunger that burns through each one. A desire to be at the top. Whether that's their father's, their own, or created by the never ending competition, the hunger to not only win, but to dominate. It comes out differently depending on who you ask.

At the sight of her blond hair, plain and uninteresting, her cat yellow eyes, how she has her hands twitching but folded into her lap like a little lady, like a prim and proper servant ought and yet so certain, so calm, so proud, something in Endorsi snaps.

It's one of her eyeliner tubes. That causes Rachel to turn.

"Oh, Endorsi-ssi, good morning!" She smiles as she speaks, casual as can be and it clicks for Endorsi.

This girl doesn't know.

She can't possibly know. Not because she's too stupid because she can't be an idiot. At worst she's probably blind to the world because she's getting what she wants from it. That has to be it. She can't be the kind of person who would throw away her best friend into hell? Death was kinder here, at least to the dead.

"Morning," she says, lazily enough she hopes. "You guys got here early."

"Well, our team still has to take the test," she says, like it's the most reasonable thing in the world. Like she belongs there, and maybe that's the wrongness of the situation in Endorsi's throat. "We wanted to get up here as fast as we could so Khun-ssi could take it with us."

It's so saccharine, like a heroine in a novel who is bullied by the villainous princess, who is only evil for the sake of the narrative, for the sake of the little girl who could do no wrong and came from nothing to be loved and treasured.

She hasn't earned her way up here, not like the rest of them. She's stolen it.

Bam had earned his way up here with heavier burdens. They all had.

"I see," she says quietly, finishing her eyeliner and capping it away. She starts curling her eyelashes. Rachel watches. There is something in her face and eyes, something cold and low, like dead coals. "He's a bit busy but the sooner you get him off our hands the better. He's such a nag."

She smiles. The feeling doesn't go away but she smiles like it should be gone. "He's been very kind to me."

He has, Endorsi agrees in her head. "And you don't deserve it."

She takes relish in the look on Rachel's face.

As it turns out, Bam had meant that he should cook. Which Khun immediately wants to tell him no and almost tries, but the expression he gets in return is something like fond exasperation and he's never seen that before.

Thankfully a whole Isu exists and he points out that they have room service and again they get an expression that borders on disgust. But he acquiesces with the promise of doing so down the line.

Bam's team doesn't come looking for him, and in fact, it feels peaceful. Hatz strikes up arguments with Khun, low and fierce, Isu makes sure everyone eats (Endorsi is still not back from the bathroom, which isn't a shock.) They eat over discussing fighting techniques, the news making a few laughs. Bam is quiet but he listens and chimes in quietly when asked. He doesn't necessarily feel happier or at ease, but the fact that he hasn't woken up surrounded by white walls and incessant beeping has to be doing him some good.

And it is… admittedly helping them. He eats carefully still, like it will run away if he's not looking. He listens avidly, eyes mostly closed.

Then there's a loud set of thudding noises and Bam tilts his head.

"Is Endorsi-ssi usually this loud in the mornings?"

Khun really is afraid to know how thin the walls here are now, or how obvious their footsteps are to tell apart.

It's such a casual question, but one nearly eight years ago he wouldn't have had to ask. That's the power of the second floor: you get as close as family or as distant as dreams themselves.

"Not usually." Isu makes to get out of the bed. "Usually Anak's kicked her out of the bathroom first." He doesn't approach the door; they've all learned better by now. "Lean back by the way Bam."

Bam does so, picking up his food. It feels almost nice, familiar, but maybe that's just because Bam is quiet enough they can almost forget he's a traumatized disaster of a human being, more than any of them can handle. It helps that he's not in anything relatively resembling FUG regalia, with his hair down in messy bedhead and eyes half-closed to hide the glow. He looks like a normal adult most of the way.

Then Endorsi bangs the door down flat off of its hinges, a screaming, bloody mass in her hands - they all sincerely hope nobody is still sleeping or will come to their room to complain, there's way too many sharp objects here for that to go over well- and throws the thing to the ground along with a very familiar mangled object.

Khun nearly chokes on his tea. Lero-ro had paid for that chair. "Endorsi why the fuck are you torturing Rachel this early in the morning?" More like, why the fuck is she not just dead and out of our hair, you're not a sadist. Then his eyes flick to Bam, who -

Is over at the door, examining it critically. Then he hoists it up and sets it back upright. "I'll get room service," he announces, rather anticlimactically. "So we know how much the damages cost."

He leaves, without even looking at Rachel. Holy fuck, he'd thought Bam had been, well, not exaggerating, but at the very least trying to make him feel better.

Isu is gaping, Hatz is very carefully getting up to retrieve his sword as Rachel whimpers and sobs in pain. Khun moves over to look at her. Her eye is bruised, one of her arms is definitely broken. So is her nose.

"We need a medic," he says. Isu and Hatz look at him incredulously and he shakes his head. The anger is bubbling under his skin, his hands are terribly cold all of a sudden, shit. But he has to keep control. The others don't know, his team doesn't know, and they have no proof until Bam gets back if she knew or not.

And while practicality says kill her, the rest of him wants to slowly and carefully tear her apart. Let her eyes see the stars, her legs buried under water, her head and torso hung by chains that hold her inhumanely prone forever. Let them melt her into a weapon and see how she feels.

But he does none of that. Now is not the time. Plus it scares the shit out of him to do it.

She latches onto him with trembling fingers he doesn't recoil from practice only. "She just a-attacked me," she whimpers. "Out of nowhere."

Endorsi scoffs, and her fingers are itching to grab them both and throw them across the room. Thankfully, she doesn't but Khun is sure when she gets a free second she will. And he won't blame her. Not yet.

"I'm not getting her a medic," she says, all ferocity and about to snap out and kick something else (probably Isu). "She doesn't need it."

Khun sighs, summons a lighthouse. Granted, Endorsi likely isn't lying. If she'd been going with the intent to kill, Rachel wouldn't have a head. She still does look absolutely pathetic, worse than Bam had looked when they'd first met.

"Aren't you going to scold her?" Rachel murmurs. Or something like that anyway, she's too busy sniffling in genuine pain and fear. "She broke my chair. I can't walk…"

It takes everything in his power not to snort. He has footage of that being shit but okay.

There are low murmurs outside of the room, which considering their broken door is an… interesting feat.

"If you're certain," Khun hears. "It'll be interesting to see what they make of it."

Oh, it's the damn guide. Why isn't she back at FUG? Haven't they put up with her enough?

"It depends on the fallout from the failure of the mission, I expect." Bam's voice. Rachel has gone stiff in his arms. "Karaka-nim's influence you said would shrink regardless."

"Well the thing is you didn't die. That makes things… fun."

"By a non-human idea of fun, correct?"

"It depends on who you're asking."

Bam makes a sound that could almost be laughter. "That's… fair enough, I suppose."

Their footsteps stop and Rachel starts to tremble. The horror in her face, the dread, the way she looks up at him as if in desperation…

Khun just tilts his head at her, just so, like he'd done to his mother over a decade before. "What's the matter, Rachel? Is something wrong?"

"You need to grow human now, Viole." None of them freeze but it's too quiet.

Bam makes a sound of confusion. "Why is everyone insisting on that?"

"The weapon you are now isn't enough," Hwa Ryun says and they all stiffen up. "Not enough to give the world that hurt you what they need to change, what they need to become. That person's plans are still doable but, well, we both know what they're dissatisfied with."

"Master said himself that part isn't my responsibility." But Bam adjusts something, the clash of metal on metal in reaction.

"Well, you can't even answer his absurd demands, what about theirs?"

"I suppose that's a good point… I'll take that into consideration. Are you leaving then?"

"Not all of us are under the command of the traumatized youths. Some of us have higher callings."

This time, Khun is sure that Bam laughs. "As you say just…" He clears his throat. "Be well."

"Well, if my god demands it."

She strides past them, red hair flowing. And then she turns her head, her scarred up and torn eye socket vividly clear and lacking an eyepatch. Her sole eye catches on Rachel. "Oh, it's the little star."

She smiles like a demon. "How is being a heroine treating you?"

Rachel makes the most inhuman noise, cut off with a gargle of fear as Bam reenters the room. Once again, he doesn't pay Rachel a glance, focusing instead on fixing the door.

Khun sighs. "Bam, what are you doing? There are staff for that."

Bam looks over and it's right at him, curiously so. "Yes but that's expensive."

"We're not broke," Isu reasons, then looks at Hatz. "Right?"

"We couldn't be broke if we tried," Hatz agrees as they all catch on.

Khun sets Rachel down and debates setting his pajamas on fire. Then he goes over to Bam instead, who relaxes ever so slightly. "It's better to know in case you cannot," Bam says. "Pay for it. But me knowing something you don't is acceptable as well."

Within a few minutes the door is fixed and he's going back to the bed. Rachel flinches, ignored.

Until however, he looks at Endorsi. "If you kill her in this room, there is typically a…" He pauses to calculate. "Twenty-five thousand credit cleaning fee. If it's in the hallway, it's on the residential area. If it's in the lobby you're blacklisted." And he takes a bite of egg and wrinkles his nose. "Lukewarm eggs."

Endorsi looks down at Rachel, who, much like the rest of them, is fucking terrified. "You sure, Bam? I'd figure you'd want first dibs."

"Why would I?" Bam shrugs his shoulders in slow circles. They crack. It's ominously loud. "She should know the rules. Once you throw something away, you can't really pick it up again. There's nothing to be upset or angry about. I'm relieved you're all still here and alive and she hasn't tried to throw you away too. It's more rewarding to focus on the positives for us. The owner will scold you about their imperfections regardless."

And he smiles.

And it's an empty crescent moon.

"Ah but…" He blinks. "You hate her, right Khun-ssi. If you do, just tell me. I'll hurt her now."