A Mind to Tear a Soul in Two: Chapter Eighteen
A/N: A small chapter, but a chapter nonetheless!
She was going stir crazy.
She was a woman on the edge.
And it had only been four days.
The self-imposed quarantine — due to Tommy's goons hiding not-so-subtlety out front — was taking a toll on her. The anxiety over the whole ordeal was excruciating. With every day that passed she seemed to be making herself more and more ill.
She was tense, her muscles ached. Her stomach roiled, she made herself nauseous, and yesterday she got sick twice.
The dreams she was having — Ada called them stress dreams — sent her into a right fit every time she woke in the middle of whichever horrifying tale her mind had conjured. A scream on her lips, her lungs desperate for oxygen, and her body covered in sweat.
She'd had to explain to both Ada and Freddie why it was that she'd appeared like some sort of street rat on their front stoop, desperate for refuge.
Surprisingly, both Ada and Freddie had taken the news well — Freddie a bit more so than his wife. Ada's screech echoed in her ears, "Charlotte Shelby! That brother of ours will strangle you one of these days, and no one will be there to stop him."
In the days since, Ada had urged her sister to ring Tommy — just to let him know that she was safe. She thought it would help with her anxiety, but Charlotte couldn't muster the courage.
She knew he'd shout and holler, call her scathing adjectives: irresponsible, short tempered, childish, and the like. Or worse — he'd click his fucking tounge at her, calmly explain that she was expected home promptly, then end the call before she was able to get a word in otherwise.
An emotional Tommy was a safer Tommy. When he was calm and collected his mind was at work. Calculating and formulating plans in his mind, usually to make her suffer. When he was shouting, his emotions had taken over and there was no room for thought. He might haul off and give her a right whack over her head, but nonetheless she preferred an angry brother.
She wouldn't be able to handle it — not yet anyway. She needed a bit more time.
She'd heard Freddie ask Ada to lighten up. And she was thankful for his confidence, but she could tell she was on the verge of overstaying her welcome.
She knew she'd need to be on her way back to Birmingham sooner rather than later, but the day of her escape from Small Heath was so fresh in her mind it made her want to curl up and hide away — pretend as though all that nonsense had never happened. Make believe as though she'd never escaped to London. Never stumbled through the early morning cold and freezing rain, only to end up on Ada and Freddie's stoop — his face bewildered and her face knowing.
Feddie'd opened the door slowly, carefully, with most of his body hidden behind the door. He clearly wasn't over his days of being on the run, staying in safe houses, unsure if the coppers would descend on him at any second.
She gave a small, pathetic little wave, and when his brain finally realised who exactly it was standing before him, he opened the door further as he watched her curiously — clearly confused by her sudden appearance, as shown by his open mouth and furrowed brow.
From down the hall she could hear Karl whining and crying, and Ada questioning, "Freddie? Who is it?"
Finally snapping back to reality he grinned at her, "What kinda trouble you running away from now, eh?"
Still standing in the rain trying to wring her cap free of the dirty puddle it had fallen into, she tried to question innocently, "Me? In trouble? Why I never!"
"Ada, darling. I think you oughtta come take a look at this." Then, reaching forward he grabbed her by her jacket collar and pulled her in through the door. Hollering back down the hall he called, "We've got a street rat washed up on our stoop. Ada, you best come deal with it."
"Freddie, what is it? I've got enough on my hands with your breakfast and Karl's wailing..." Charlotte thought Ada might've had more on her mind to gripe to her husband about. As she made her way from the kitchen into the hall, Ada was entirely too distracted by the sopping wet sister standing before her to continue prattling on to her husband.
"Charlie?" Ada questioned. Charlotte meant to open her mouth in confirmation, but before she could, Ada was shouting sudden orders. Confidently lecturing both her sister and her husband, "Freddie, shut that door — stop letting all the warm air out! And Charlotte Shelby, you keep your mess to yourself. Don't you go dripping all over the floor before I get a bucket and towel for you!"
"Ada, I can't stop the dripping..."
"Don't talk back! And keep still. I'll be right back." And with her son on her hip Ada had turned and rushed into another room so quickly neither Charlotte nor Freddie had been able to get a word in otherwise.
Whispering after her sister, Charlotte mocked, "Yes, Aunt Polly."
"Don't let her hear that. It'll get you nothing better than a whack right across the head."
"Know from experience, do ya Fred?"
"Something like that." He smirked at her, but in the blink of an eye it was gone — replaced by the raised eyebrow that he and Tommy had perfected over the years. He took a breath, then questioned, "Should I expect Tommy to be showing up next?"
Rolling her eyes and shrugging her shoulders she acted nonchalant, "How should I know what Tommy intends to do with his very valuable time?"
Mumbling at her he answered his own question, "That's a yes."
She shrugged at his assumption, and he raised a single eyebrow at her as Ada returned, towels in one hand, her son in the other — no longer crying and moaning but rather chewing and drooling all over some new toy.
Ada tossed one towel to Charlotte — motioning with one finger up and down Charlotte's drenched appearance. What was it with this family and silent orders? The rest of the towels were tossed to the ground at Charlotte's feet. Motioning for Charlotte to step on the towels, Ada moved Karl to her other hip as the boy recognised his Auntie and began to struggle and wiggle in his mother's arms. After a few seconds, Ada finally gave up and set him on his feet. Laughing lightly at the dramatics of small children, Charlotte slung her towel over her shoulder, and knelt down to snatch up her nephew as Karl toddled his way to her outstretched arms.
"So, what did you do?" Ada's voice was expectant, eyes knowing. She was well aware of how things were between Charlotte and their brother.
Picking up her nephew as he mumbled gibberish happily to her, offering her his soggy toy she defended herself, "Why do I have to be in trouble to come visit?" Then turning to Karl she added in a high pitched baby voice, "I'm not in any trouble, am I? Am I?"
"Because you're always–" Ada's lecture was cut short as another knock pounded on their door. The three of them stood still looking at each other, Charlotte's eyes wide.
Cocking an eyebrow at her, Freddie asked, "That Tommy?"
Rushing past her brother-in-law Charlotte, a firm grip on Karl, headed straight for the kitchen where she could hide completely out of sight, whispering frantically she begged, "Please Freddie, if it is him — don't tell him I'm here — please."
Freddie rolled his eyes and nodded his head for Ada to join Charlotte and Karl in the kitchen, he opened his mouth to speak, but the knock came again. But this time an old woman's voice accompanied it. Both Charlotte and Ada sighed in relief in the knowledge that none of them would be having an early morning argument with the most stubborn of the Shelby family.
Opening the door Freddie spoke with the older lady, "Morning Missus Russo. What can we help you with this morning?"
Stepping into their entryway the old woman shook off the rain and informed, "I've got a man on the line upstairs. Says he needs to speak with you or your wife — says it's an emergency."
Standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the hall, bouncing Karl on her hip, Charlotte rolled her eyes mumbling, "Emergency — my ass." Smacking her upside the head Ada scolded, "Watch your language around Karl."
At the commotion, Missus Russo turned her attention to the two girls in the doorway and provided the last bit of information she had to give concerning the ringing man — information that they'd all already known, "Says he's your brother — Thomas."
Freddie sighed, and putting his arm around the older woman he guided her back out the door and informed, "I'll take the call Missus Russo." Then motioning the woman to lead the way, he added, "Age before beauty."
Missus Russo chucked heavily and chided him as Freddie moved to close the door behind them. Still uncertain of Freddie's intentions she couldn't help but take a step forward to beg one last time, "Freddie, please–"
Holding a hand up to stop her, Freddie cracked a grin and shook his head, "Don't you worry, Charlie. There's nothing I like better than hiding away one of Thomas Shelby's sisters." Then giving the sisters a wink he closed the door.
Laughing at her husband's joke, Ada turned to Charlotte, "Right. Now, Charlie, what's the story?"
"No story — just Tommy being Tommy. I needed to get away — that's all."
Ada scoffed and rolled her eyes, but motioned to the kitchen nonetheless, "I doubt that, but let's get some tea in you. Don't need you catching your death on my watch — then we'll both be in for it with brother dearest."
Settling themselves into the cozy kitchen Charlotte smiled as she watched Karl scoot around the floor on his bum chasing an old set of toy trains.
As Ada busied herself with breakfast and tea, Charlotte wondered about this Missus Russo that had appeared, "Who was that lady?"
Setting a cup of tea in front of Charlotte, Ada explained, "That's our landlady — husband died in the war — but she rents out our place and the other four flats around us to young families. Lovely lady, really. She treats Karl like her own grandson." Fetching the sugar from the top cupboard Ada added, "She's got the only telephone line on the street. So it's her number that we gave to Tommy."
Nodding at the information Charlotte sipped her tea and played with Karl as she contemplated whether to ask the question that popped into her head or not. Deciding that there's no time like the present, Charlotte let the words rush outta her mouth, "So, it seems like things are going well for you here." Then realising that wasn't really a question, she rephrased, "Are things going well for you, Ada?"
Ada, distracted with Karl trying to shove something entirely into his mouth, responded half-heartedly, "Of course."
"I mean, you're liking London and everything? You're not planning on coming home or anything?" She tried to keep her voice even, but she knew Ada could hear the longing in her question. She sat upright, leaving Karl to his trains, and gave her sister a sad look — one that was entirely unappreciated, "You really expect Freddie and Tommy to get along together living in the same town? That'd be rich."
Charlotte shrugged, "Maybe..."
"Oh come off it, Charlie." Ada gave her a firm glare, "Besides, Freddie's got a job working for the paper. He likes it — he's very happy. We get to go to group meetings and Fred gets to write all about the rallies and politics going on around town. And he doesn't have any coppers following him around ready to arrest him the first time he sneezes."
"So you really like it?" She sounded more upset than she intended.
"I do. It's different from home. Not always in a good way, but ya get used to it. And I like that Karl won't be growing up in a gang."
Charlotte laughed, "So he's gonna be some pansy dandy boy?"
Ada waved off her teasing, "He's still got me and Fred as parents — and you as an auntie. I'm sure he'll be breaking rules and learning how to shoot a gun in no time at all. I just want him away from the den and the illegal side of things."
"It wasn't so bad, growing up the way we did."
"Who do you think you are, eh? You're still growing!"
"I'm fifteen!"
"Not nearly, ya git." Then pausing to think Ada added, incredulous, "You only just turned fourteen!" Then as Charlotte ducked an attempted smack from her sister, the door to the flat creaked open, and Freddie's voice bellowed from down the hall, "You two arguing in here already?"
The two sisters gave one another a look before sweetly calling out, "No!"
Coming round the corner from the hall, Freddie kept a suspicious look on his face as he took a seat at the table, "I don't like the sound of that. You two are already conspiratorial."
"Nonsense." Ada assured him as she rose to retrieve Freddie's breakfast from the stove top, "We're as sweet as two Brumme girls can get."
"Yeah, sweet as poison." Then, apparently needing more ammunition for his joke, he stuck his fork into his sausage and brought it to his nose. Sniffing loudly, he raised an accusatory eyebrow at his wife.
Ada rolled her eyes and grinned at his implication, and as Charlotte moved to top off her tea the room fell into an uneasy silence — well, mostly silence. Freddie was shovelling his food into his mouth and Karl was still babbling away at his toys.
Sitting herself back at the table Charlotte took a deep breath before letting the words run from her mouth, "Did you tell him, Fred?"
Giving her a look he let her squirm for a few seconds before responding, "No, Charlie I didn't tell him anything." She moved to breathe a sigh of relief, but stopped herself as Freddie kept talking, "But Tommy had a few things to tell me."
"Oh? Nothing too bad I hope..." She tried to play it off, hoping that Tommy hadn't told Freddie everything. Looking up from her tea to face her brother-in-law, Charlotte shrank back into her chair. He was giving her a look.
His serious look.
She swallowed hard.
Freddie had on his serious face. The face that was normally reserved for arguments with Tommy.
When she was little — before the war — Charlotte has often found herself hiding in the corners of the house spying on arguments and conversations.
She'd gotten a tanning for it more than a few times. But the information gathered had been priceless to her at the time.
Funny thing, that. Now, years later as it was, she couldn't remember more than a half dozen pieces of the spied information, but the sting to her rear, that she could remember clear as day.
There'd been a few times she'd shimmied herself into the cabinet under the kitchen sink and listened to Freddie and Tommy go at it. Most of the time they got along just fine. But both saw themselves as leaders in their own mind, which made them desperate for that ounce of power that would send their teenaged egos soaring.
But it wasn't always shouting and threats of life and death between the two. They had been the best of mates once upon a time. There'd once been a time where the two would scheme and laugh and have a ruckus of a time right in the middle of Watery Lane.
She could remember once, she and Ada had convinced Tommy and Freddie to swing them in circles right in the middle of the street.
It had been a favourite game of theirs to play — she and Ada. Charlotte absolutely loved the feeling of the world spinning off its axis around her. She'd scream and laugh and once the spinning was finished she'd try as hard as she could to stand up straight and walk in a straight line.
Ada had been much more successful at it than she'd ever been. And Charlotte had too much fun making Freddie and Tommy laugh every time she fell on her rear. She'd end up rolling in the street, laughing away her breath, as she attempted to get herself upright.
It was difficult when they all came back and not only were all her brothers different — but so too was Freddie.
And the cherry on the cake was Tommy's proclamation that no Shelby was to be seen with any bloody communist ever — and that included Freddie.
The adjustment was difficult, and she tried to understand what had changed, but Tommy was never transparent about his decision, and she very well couldn't go asking Freddie unless she wanted her hide tanned.
Ada had said she thought it had something to do with the tunnels. But Charlotte thought it was more than that. There was something fundamental in all of them that had shifted and changed permanently — down to the core of their beings. And she didn't think that had come solely because of digging tunnels.
How could she put it? Freddie was... Freddie was... Uhg.
But Tommy was... Couldn't find the words there either.
And Freddie was...
... Snapping his fingers at her.
Freddie was snapping his fingers at her, trying to bring her out of her daydream.
Focusing her attention back on Freddie, she nodded at him to continue.
"Like I was saying, I didn't tell Tommy anything. But Tommy sure told me a fair few things..."
"He did?" Charlotte swallowed hard. Comically even.
"He did." Freddie gave her a square look, waiting to see if she'd spill her guts.
No such luck.
"Right then. Well, first he told me that you'd shot a gun at him."
"Charlotte!" Ada's voice echoed off the walls, piercing her ears. Even Karl dropped his toy and turned to his mother.
"When I asked him why you'd have done that, he said it was because you lost your temper while he was dragging you home from the station." Freddie paused again, waiting to see if she'd be forthcoming with an explanation or the continuation of what Tommy had told him.
Nice try, she wasn't going to volunteer herself for the bloody rack. She was a Shelby — and he should know better.
"What station?" For fuck's sake, Ada. Wasn't likely the petrol station or the train station was it?
Freddie shifted his eyes to meet his wife's, "The station that holds all the coppers, Ada." Her sister gasped slightly, but thankfully kept her mouth shut as her husband continued, "So I asked him why he was dragging you home from the station. He said, because you'd gone and gotten yourself arrested."
"Charlotte!" This time Charlotte winced at both Ada's screech and Freddie's glare. It wasn't as frightening as Tommy's — or Arthur's even — but it was formidable nonetheless.
"I asked him if it were a real arrest — we've all been taken in and impounded on false charges at one time or another. But no, he says. You've been arrested and charged with assault and battery of an officer with a weapon."
"Holy Jesus." For fuck's sake, Ada! She wished her sister would keep her curses and gasps to herself until Freddie was finished.
"Had your picture taken and a file drawn up and everything. Like a proper peaky blinder."
"It wasn't exactly–" She tried to interrupt, but Freddie kept on, "Said you were stuck in the cells for a right few hours while he searched for proof of ownership–"
Come on now, she wasn't a bloody dog, "Guardianship."
"Sure, guardianship." Freddie's tone had turned patronising, but she kept her mouth shut, "But the important bits are that those Birmingham coppers were threatening to send you to London if he didn't provide the appropriate paperwork. In fact, they all seemed to have had quite a laugh at his expense — making him run all over trying to fetch your paperwork in time. He almost nearly didn't make it, and you were almost nearly shipped off to some all girls workhouse. All because you couldn't walk away from a fight."
Charlotte scoffed, uncertain on how to handle this situation with Freddie."So you're on the side of believing whatever it is Tommy says now?"
"When the story Tommy tells sounds more than plausible — yes."
Charlotte huffed, crossing her arms and glaring at the tea cup before her. If she were dealing with Arthur or even John she'd know how to manage them. But Freddie was different. She hadn't gotten in trouble with Freddie since before the war. And even then it was for stealing sweets from a shop or swiping his peaky cap from the sitting room while he was in the shop.
"Does that all sound familiar?" Freddie pushed the issue — she wasn't getting outta this one.
"Maybe... I mean, it's not exactly–" She was looking for ways to stretch the story when Ada firmly interrupted.
"Hold on. Wait a moment. Lemme get this straight..." then counting off her fingers Ada listed off everything that Freddie had just relayed, "First, you got in a fight with a copper–"
Freddie interrupted, "Two coppers." Charlotte hissed at him through her teeth as Ada rolled her eyes, and started over.
"First, you get in a fight with two coppers." Charlotte nodded.
Her second finger popped up, "Then you let yourself get arrested. And almost shipped off." She rolled her eyes — confirmation enough for her sister. "Then as Tommy takes you home, you start a fight with him and end up shooting him!" Her third and fourth fingers came up as she waited on Charlotte's response.
"That's mostly correct."
"Jesus fucking Christ, Charlotte!"
Hushing her sister, Charlotte jokingly reprimanded, "Ada, not in front of the baby!"
"Be serious Charlie." Apparently we're not in the mood for jokes.
Turning her attention to her tea leaves, Charlotte swirled the remaining liquid, "I didn't think I'd actually shot him."
Confirming her suspicion, Freddie added, "You didn't."
Pointing to the man, Charlotte defended herself to her sister, "See, I didn't shoot him! I shot near him. It was all an accident."
"That's the story of your life, you know that?" Ada rose from her chair, this time moving to get herself a cup of morning tea.
"It's been mentioned on occasion."
Sitting back at the table, Ada sipped her tea before having some sort of silent communication with Freddie across the table. Freddie nodded at something and Ada turned her attention back to her sister, "What are you planning on now?"
"I dunno."
"Then why'd you come here?" Ada was pushing for her to ask. She wasn't going to offer.
"I thought it was safer."
This time Freddie laughed, and Charlotte could hear his easy-going tone return to himself, "Aye. That's probably true." Apparently Freddie wasn't going to offer either.
"Can I stay? Just for a few days — until Tommy calms down and I can figure out what to do next."
Ada rolled her eyes, but nodded all the same, "As long as you don't mind sharing a room with Karl."
So here she was, no longer tossing and turning on the cot set up in Karl's room — no. She'd managed to gasp both herself and the baby awake more times than what Ada cared for. After the second night of restlessness for both Ada and the baby, Ada'd set her up in the sitting room so now she had the freedom to toss around on the sofa and gasp herself awake out of another wretched stress dream without interrupting anyone else's sleep.