Author's Note: Hey, guys! This chapter is a bit smaller than the others. You'll see why shortly. Make sure to read the notes at the end for a special surprise regarding Week 4. :D

Big Brother: South Park Edition

Week 4 – "The Week Where It's Viewers' Choice" (Part 1)

"WOOHOO! STAN IS GONE!" Craig cheers, springing up out of bed the next morning. He races out of the room, leaving a bunch of his groggy housemates behind in their cocoon of blankets. Clyde turns to Bebe and shrugs.

"Stan's gone!" Craig cries once more when he reaches the center of the living room; Tweek is in the kitchen making coffee. Craig clasps his hands together in joy, "Doesn't the air smell fresher?" Craig takes a sharp inhale and chokes, almost coughing up a lung in the process.

Tweek quickly drops everything and runs to him, placing a hand on Craig's back as he crouches over. "Oh my God, are you alright?" he wonders.

…

Craig Tucker
Aggressive Tweeksexual

Stan is gone! This is one of the best days of my life. Now let's see here: first kiss, sleeping with Tweek, getting Stripe, getting back together, (counts his fingers as he lists them off; he smiles) – yeah, this is definitely in the top five.

…

Tweek Tweak
Extreme Coffee Addict

Craig is ecstatic that Stan is gone. I haven't seen him this excited since the Red Racer movie came out. I think it was a-

Craig bursts through the diary room doorway, screaming at the top of his lungs. He races over to the camera, throwing his arms up in triumph behind the sofa Tweek is sitting on. "YES! Stan is history!" Craig celebrates, leaning forward into the shot, "I just want to thank everyone who made this possible. I'd like to thank Wendy for nominating him and everyone in the house for kicking his sorry butt out!" he beams, Tweek giving a small chuckle behind him, "We made this happen, everybody! We made this world a better place for us all! WHOO!" Craig cries, before racing out the doorway to take another victory lap around the house.

Tweek laughs as he turns to the camera, "Yeah, he's pretty excited."

…

Kyle Broflovski
Heartbroken Mess

Yesterday marked the third time in a row that someone from the boys room got evicted. I don't know if the other room has some kind of final five pact or something, or if I'm just being paranoid, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to put my feelers out and try to come up with a plan to ensure I make it to the final week.

…

"Alright, Kahl. Now's the time where we need to start mapping our way to the end and plotting what we need to do and who we need to get rid of in order to give ourselves the best chance at winning the money," Cartman states, the pair both sitting on Cartman's bed in the boys room, facing each other.

Kyle cocks his forehead, "But it's only Week 4," he reminds him.

"Exactly," Cartman replies, "It's never too early to start planning your enemies' demise, Kiel. Do you think I came up with that plan to destroy Scott in one night? This game is like chess. You always have to keep the end goal in mind as you plan your strategy accordingly from the endgame until now to get there," he explains, Kyle raising his eyebrow and flashing the fatass an impressed look, "So, who would you say is our biggest obstacle in the house that could keep us from winning the money, whether it be strategically, physically, or otherwise?" he wonders.

"Hmm…I don't know," Kyle answers honestly, after carefully thinking this question over for a moment, "Right now, it doesn't seem like there's a clear frontrunner," he states with a shrug, "No one aces every challenge or is in complete control of everyone in the house, and if someone were a really good player, wouldn't they be so good that we wouldn't even notice?"

"Interesting thought, Kahl, but I seriously doubt anyone here would be able to pull that off. We all know each other too well not to notice," Cartman concludes, scratching his chin as he ponders, "Still, if you had to declare a winner right now, who would it be?"

"Bebe," Kyle responds immediately, the fatass surprised by his quick response, "She hasn't made any enemies on the jury or in the house and she's pretty good at the competitions. She almost always places in the top three," he explains, before elaborating further on the thought, "Plus, no one's really thrown her name out yet, and I think she'd be able to manipulate a lot of the other people here into doing what she wants."

"Yes, that bitch is a crafty one," Cartman agrees, leaning back against the wall and casually resting his head in his hands, "I actually forgot she was here until you mentioned her just now. But if you ask me, I think Wendy is scarier, Kahl. She has all the qualities Bebe processes, plus she now has that sob story thanks to what happened between her and Stan," he says, "All juries love a good sob story and if she makes it to the end, she's going to be tough to beat with that lingering in the air."

Kyle nods, "I guess I could see that," he states, cupping his knees with his hands, "So, what do you think our next move should be?"

"Well, obviously, if we want to be the ones running the show here, we're going to need to be in power as long as possible. The only way to ensure that you and I are the final two is for us to win every HOH competition from here on out."

"Cartman," Kyle sighs, leaning back slightly as he rolls his eyes, "the odds of us winning every HOH challenge from here on out is highly unlikely."

"But it is possible, Kiel," Cartman adds, "especially if we eliminate the most skilled competitors first, then the competitions will just get easier and easier for us to win. Think about how much of a cakewalk it would be for us to win these challenges if Wendy and Bebe are gone by Week 6," Cartman states, "I mean, we know Tweek can't win a competition to save his life, Craig doesn't care enough to try, and Clyde always chokes at the last second. If we eliminate the girls the first chance we get, that money is as good as mine-I mean, ours," Cartman quickly corrects with a smile as Kyle shoots him a glare.

Kyle sighs, "As much as I hate to say it, I really think you're right. The plan seems solid. Now all we have to do is make sure you or I win HOH this week, then we can start calling the shots. We just have to make sure we keep up this charade," Kyle reminds Cartman, his voice firm, "We don't want anyone knowing that we're working together, or else we'll both end up on the block."

"Alright, Kahl," Cartman agrees with a nod, "I promise I'll keep calling you a dirty Jew and keep making derogatory jokes about your mom," he states, sporting the biggest shit-eating grin he can muster.

Kyle groans, bringing his hand up to his aching forehead, "Oh, what did I do to deserve this?" he mutters.

…

Wendy Testaburger
Hippie Rights Activist

It's been a pretty rough morning here; I'm not going to lie. Stan left last night, and people keep forgetting that I'm still mourning the loss of my relationship, even though I was the one who put Stan on the block. It's weird because the only person who actually knows what I'm going through is the person Stan cheated on me with.

…

Later that morning, Wendy is sitting on her luxurious HOH bed, flipping through one of her chosen books from home. She perks up when she hears a gentle knock on her door. The door slowly inches open as Kyle pokes his head in. "Hey," he greets.

"Hey," Wendy greets back, her face softening as she puts her book down slightly, "How are you doing?"

Kyle sighs and steps into the bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him, "I'm alright. How about you?" he wonders.

Wendy shrugs, "I've been better."

"I could imagine," Kyle responds, awkwardly plopping down in the lounge chair across from her. He clasps his hands together on his lap before shyly gazing up at her, "Did he, um, say anything to you?" he asks, Wendy instantly knowing exactly who Kyle is referring to.

She shakes her head. "Not much," she confesses, "He kept trying to figure out who threw him under the bus before nominations."

Kyle rolls his eyes. "Like that matters. It's his fault."

"Right, but you know Stan hates taking responsibility for anything," she huffs, looking down at the floor with a sigh, "I just feel so stupid though because part of me still likes him, even after he used me. But I guess when you date someone for so long, it's hard to just forget about them."

"Yeah," Kyle agrees, staring sheepishly down at the carpet, her words ringing through his mind.

"Stan was right, wasn't he?" Wendy speaks into the silence, daring to take a shot, "He was your rebound."

Kyle gulps, his throat dry, "I don't know about that."

"You don't?" Wendy states skeptically.

Kyle sighs, "Well, it would be crazy to say he wasn't right about a few things," he reveals, anxiously tracing circles on his kneecap with his finger before continuing, "The truth is he never really had my full attention."

"Kyle, if you don't mind me asking, why are you here? What do you want out of this? Cause it always seems like you're halfway out the door."

"I don't know," Kyle exhales, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, "I've been asking myself that a lot lately. I guess part of me hoped that doing this would help me move on from Dee and get some kind of closure, but honestly, I feel like I'm more lost than ever," he states, trying his best to keep his tears at bay, "I can only hope that once this whole thing is over, I've found what I've been looking for and I walk out of here better than before. I know that sounds kinda dumb, but-"

"-No," Wendy says, kneeling in front of the redhead and placing a reassuring hand on his knee, Kyle jolting up slightly at her touch, "It doesn't," she whispers, gazing up at him.

Kyle gulps as he locks eyes with Wendy, his knee tingling from the contact. His face flushes. "Um, uh, I should go," Kyle stutters, quickly snapping out of his seat and making a beeline for the door. He swiftly walks through it, leaving a puzzled Wendy behind on the carpet.

…

Bebe Stevens
Former Most Popular Girl in School

Now that I know for sure Clyde is over me, there's no reason for us not to hang out anymore, which is great news for me cause Clyde always has a tendency of making things more exciting. And if there's one thing this boring house desperately needs these days, it's fun.

…

Bebe is lounging in the backyard hammock, the sun blaring down on her as she sunbathes. Bebe sighs as she leans back, her two-piece, bright red swimsuit with matching sunglasses gleaming in the light as Clyde sneaks up behind her in the grass like a cheetah. Clyde pops up and flips the hammock over, causing Bebe to shriek and fall face-first into the pool. Bebe bobs her head above the water, shooting her ex a playful glare as he laughs from the sidelines. "Wow, Clyde. Real mature," she states with an eye roll, before swimming to the edge of the pool and putting on the best innocent smile she can muster, "Hey, can you help me out of here?"

"Sure," Clyde nods, completely missing the devious glint in Bebe's eyes. He walks forward and reaches his hand out, opting her to grab onto it. Bebe smirks and yanks Clyde towards her body, pulling him into the pool with her. Clyde coughs a few times as he flings his head above the water, "Wow, Bebe. Real mature," he jokes. Bebe thrusts her hand forward and splashes him.

…

A few hours later, all seven remaining housemates are gathered in the dining room, awaiting further instruction from their token black friend as they surround the table, which is covered with homemade pies. "Congratulations, guys…and girls," he quickly adds, before anyone can get offended, "You've all made it a third of the way into this game without getting evicted. I didn't think a lot of you would make it this far…especially Cartman."

"Aye!" Cartman barks, glaring up at the loudspeaker as Kyle snickers into his palm next to him.

"Anyway, enough with all the sentimental shit, let's get to today's luxury competition! For today's luxury competition, I need you guys to split into two teams: one with three housemates and one with four. Clyde and Tweek must be on the same team for this one."

"Why?" Kyle wonders.

Cartman rolls his eyes at the ceiling, "So Mr. Eat and Mr. Don't Eat balance each other out – duh, Kiel!"

"For once, Cartman is right," Token speaks above them, Cartman voicing yet another complaint at the jab in the background, "And because this challenge involves food and Clyde is participating, he must be placed on the smaller team," he explains further.

The housemates look amongst themselves, silently sizing up one another. Tweek reaches forward and grabs his boyfriend by the arm, pulling Craig in the middle of himself and Clyde. The remaining four houseguests gather into a team next to them.

"Great!" Token beams, "Now, as you can probably already tell, this is a pie-eating competition. Whoever finishes all twelve of their pies first wins a special reward: a three-minute phone call with a friend or family member of their choice. I know you guys have been missing the sanity of other people a lot, so hopefully this is worth playing for," he sighs, seeing Craig spring his hand up, "Yes, Craig?"

"I think you need to give the other team a better shot at winning this," Craig states flatly.

"Yeah, Token," Tweek chimes in agreement from beside him, "This competition isn't fair. We have Clyde. His stomach is a bottomless pit of destruction," the blonde elaborates, gesturing to his friend, "Our team is obviously going to win this thing. You should at least give the other team a five-minute head start."

"Damn it, Tweek. You're getting too cocky!" Cartman shouts with a huff and a sassy eye roll, "This is what happens when you date someone like Craig for ten years."

"Alright. Everyone take your places. The competition is about to begin," Token instructs, watching as five of the housemates, minus Tweek and Craig, take their places around the table and lean in front of their chosen pie. "On your mark…get set…go!" a bell chimes, causing the housemates to start digging into their plates.

Tweek and Craig stand back, not even bothering to move because they know they'd just be getting in the way of their friend's bottomless gullet. A few minutes later, Craig looks up, his eyes resting on the loudspeaker.

"Hey, Token. Can we have more pies? Cause Clyde already ate all of ours," Craig chimes, trying to bite back a smile at this comment.

Several of the housemates snap their heads up from their pie tins and gawk at the brunette, who is now rigorously licking his plate clean from the head of the table, making weird animalistic slurping sounds as he does so. "Jesus Christ, Clyde! You're worse than my trapper keeper," Cartman cries, slightly weirded out by the fact that he was able to finish all twelve pies in the time it took himself to finish one.

"Well, that wasn't even close," Token mutters, before looking down at the houseguests and clearing his throat, "I mean, congratulations, disjointed Craig and those guys team, you just won the luxury competition! Now all three of you will have the opportunity to call home," Token sighs as he sees Tweek's hand shoot up, bracing himself for a conspiracy-filled comment, "Yes, Tweek?"

"Can I give my phone call to someone else?"

"Um, sure. I don't see why not," Token responds as the other housemates exchange puzzled glances with each other.

Tweek smiles as he turns to the others, locking eyes with his choice, "Bebe, I hate my parents and I know you've been missing David a lot lately, so here you go."

"Really?" Bebe squeaks, "Aww…thank you so much, Tweek!" she chimes, tearing up as she pulls him into a hug.

Tweek laughs as he gently returns the gesture, "You're doing me a favor. Trust me," he tells her.

"Alright, Clyde. Before I have you three line up in front of the diary room, I need to know who you're calling," Token states above them.

"My dad!" Clyde replies, not having to give it a second thought as Token turns his attention to the noirette standing next to him.

"Me?" Craig speaks up, "I'm calling Stripe."

Cartman cocks his forehead, "Are you seriously going to talk to a guinea pig for three minutes?"

Craig folds his arms, "Stripe is more than just a guinea pig, Cartman. He's family," he states sternly.

"And I'm calling David!" Bebe quickly chimes in next to him, hoping to lighten the mood in the room a little in the process, "But I think everyone already knows that."

…

Fifteen minutes later, after everyone has returned from making their sentimental phone calls, Craig approaches Tweek while he is sitting on the living room sofa. The blonde is reading the newest edition of Ripley's Believe it or Not!, cringing as he flips through the pages.

"Hey, Tweek. Want to see my package?" Craig coos, giving a shit-eating grin as he holds an empty box of Wheaties in front of his waist.

Tweek looks up, letting out a small laugh as he stares at him, "That sounds like the start of a really bad porno."

"Oh no. Are you reading that Ripley's book again?" Craig states, narrowing his eyes at the cover, "Babe, you know it gives you nightmares."

"It does not," Tweek huffs, his eyes glossing over a photo in the book, "Oh God! What the hell is that?!"

Craig sighs and rolls his eyes as he takes a seat next to his boyfriend on the sofa, throwing the empty cereal box over his shoulder. Craig impatiently taps his fingertips against his kneecaps as he waits for Tweek's attention, but the blonde can't tear himself away from the book no matter how much it may cause him to shiver, freak out, and exclaim pieces of information in disgust from within its pages. Craig huffs and snatches the book from him, before Tweek gets into his usual phase of looking over his shoulder in blind paranoia every five seconds and latching onto Craig's arm in a vice grip. He holds the book over Tweek's head.

"Alright, that's enough of Mr. Grotesques Book here," Craig states deadpan, "Any more horrifying images and you're going to have trouble sleeping tonight."

"I already have trouble sleeping at night," Tweek huffs, attempting to reach around and grab the book from him.

"Yeah, but you'll spend all night twitching and hugging my arm until I'm going to have to calm you down with se-" Craig stops suddenly, his eyes glimmering in realization. He quickly hands the book back to him, "On second thought, keep the book," he states as Tweek reaches near Craig's crotch to grab the item, "Whoa, babe. You can't just go grabbing for it," Craig jokes, his mouth in a simper, "You remember what PC Principal said."

Tweek playfully rolls his eyes, "You're such an asshole," he smiles as he snatches the book from his boyfriend.

Craig cheekily smirks, "No, that was the second part."

…

Wendy beams as her best friend enters the HOH room, Bebe's expression surprisingly dazed and troubled for someone who just received a reward. Bebe stops in the center of the room, her eyes glued to the lush carpet. "So, how was it?" Wendy chimes, eager to hear anything from the outside world as she shifts excitedly on her bed. "Did he say how he was doing? Did he say how he thinks you're doing? Come on, girl, you gotta spill the deets!"

"He broke up with me," Bebe states, still in disbelief, her voice echoing through the room.

…

Craig Tucker
Aggressive Tweeksexual

The hardest thing about living here is the lack of privacy in this house, so sometimes we just have to get creative.

…

Cartman struts into the living room, glancing at the others on the sofa, who are quietly talking amongst themselves, a few of them giving Bebe sympathetic pats on the shoulder. Cartman cocks his forehead as he scans the area, "Where are Gay 1 and Gay 2?" he wonders.

Tweek and Craig fall out of the closet, a mere three feet to the left of him. Cartman perks up as he stares down at them, a raunchy joke on the tip of his tongue. To the surprise of everyone, the fatass steps forward and casually waves the situation off. "Nah, it's too easy," he mutters, walking over to the sofa to join the others, leaving a confused Tweek and Craig behind, sprawled out on the floor.

Tweek rolls onto his stomach, turns to Craig, and shrugs.

Five minutes later, the entire house is situated on the two sofas in the living room, waiting for Token's newest announcement. Tweek is sitting between Craig and Kyle, trying his best to straighten his hair out with his fingers, which is even messier than usual due to his previous romantic escapade with his boyfriend.

"Hello, everyone, and thank you for joining me in the living room," Token states over the loudspeaker, his voice causing several of the contestants to stare up at the ceiling, "As you are probably well aware of by now, I don't usually talk to you guys twice in one day, so something is clearly up," Token says, taking a pause for dramatic effect, "Statistics have shown that viewership tends to go down around Episode 4, so it's time for us to spice things up a bit."

Craig stiffens in his seat between Clyde and Tweek, his arms crossed as he stares wide-eyed at the loudspeaker, "Oh God, I do not like where he is going with this…"

"As you know, the theme here on Big Brother has always been 'Expect the Unexpected.'"

"How would we know that?" Craig cuts in, "This is literally the first season of the show!"

Token clears his throat at the rude interruption, "With that being said, it's time for the first Viewers' Choice of the season. Viewers' Choice is when the audience gets to vote on which houseguest they want to see receive a reward or endure a rather cruel punishment. Here is this week's Viewers' Choice question. Please direct your gaze to the television," Token says as the houseguests all turn to look at the TV screen, which is now displaying the question on it, "Which of these houseguests which you like to see handcuffed to their ex for an entire day?"

"Wait, what?!" Kyle cries, his face as red as Cartman's jacket as he sees all seven of their names appear below the question.

"That's right, Kyle. Whoever the viewers pick will have to spend all day tomorrow handcuffed to their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend," he coos, clearly enjoying the houseguests' horrified reactions.

"What about me?" Tweek chimes, raising his hand up slightly from the sofa, "I don't have an ex."

"Don't worry Tweek," Token states, giving a hearty chuckle, "We've found someone even better for you…your father."

Tweek's eyes fill with dread, "Oh good God, no!"

"As you can clearly see, this house has a way of dismantling weak relationships and strengthening strong ones, so tomorrow will be the ultimate test to see how much you've grown since you all got here."

"Goddammit, Token. I hate you so much," Cartman fumes as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You-you can't be serious about this, right?" Kyle states weakly, surprised he is even able to choke the words out, "I mean, it's not like any of them would agree to come…right?"

Token laughs, "Nonsense! Anything is possible with the power of money!"

"Which one of my exes did you pick? I have so many," Clyde wonders, choosing to remain calm in the sea of panicked housemates.

"Lisa."

"Oh," Clyde replies, pleasantly surprised by this news, "She was nice."

"And hot!" Cartman adds, nudging Clyde playfully in the ribs, "Didn't you see that photo of her?" Wendy glares at the fatass.

"Yep, we've contacted all of your exes and invited them to come on the show. Some of them were easier to convince than others. But in the end, we managed to get all of them to agree to it. Except for Heidi, at first, who originally threatened to sue us until we bribed her enough to come on," Token elaborates.

Cartman huffs and crosses his arms, "Ha! Classic Heidi."

"But don't worry. She said she'll come if Cartman gets the votes. Craig," Token states, pausing slightly to address the noirette, "we had a hard time actually figuring out which girl you dated, but thanks to Facebook, we managed to narrow it down," he says, Craig shrugging at this information, "Unlike most of the other participants, Tweek's dad jumped on the opportunity cause he said Tweek isn't doing a good enough job promoting the family business on here."

"Well sorry, Dad," Tweek huffs, rolling his eyes from the sofa. He turns to the camera, sporting an over-exaggerated smile, "Come to Tweek Bros Coffee. It's fuckin' gay!" he exclaims, animatedly flashing fake gangsta signs at the cameras. Next to him, Craig holds his stomach in laughter.

"Now Bebe, since Clyde is your only ex and he already lives here in the house," Token continues, Bebe sniffling at these now-false words, "we had to find someone just as annoying to act as your replacement ex-boyfriend. And thanks to some rigorous casting, I am happy to announce that we found that someone, and don't worry, he's just like Clyde. If Clyde had a lisp and diabetes…"

"Oh no…" Bebe mutters, shaking her head as she facepalms.

"So now, to celebrate the occasion and give all of you a little taste of what you may be in for tomorrow if the audience picks you, here's a little intro video to all the exes…" Token declares, circling his mouse on the monitor and pressing the play button on the bottom left-hand corner of the screen. A window pops up and starts playing the video, full-screen. Cartman cringes when a closeup of Heidi Turner's face flashes on it.

"Eric Cartman was the worst boyfriend I ever had. He smelled, he was rude, and he had some serious psychological issues. He even tried to kill me!" she cries, staring distressfully at the camera.

A familiar brunette pops up on the screen. "Hi, I'm Scott Malkinson and I have diabetes," he announces proudly in his signature lisp, taking out his blood glucose meter from his fanny pack to test himself, "I don't know much about Bebe. I don't think we've ever spoken to each other before, but she seems cool on TV."

Suddenly, a blonde girl with short hair that few recognize appears onscreen, her facial expression soft but troubled, "Huh. I really don't remember a lot about this Craig person," she states, staring down at a photo of Craig that Token handed to her before gazing back up at the camera, "Are you sure I dated this guy?"

Next to Craig, Clyde laughs from his seat. "Of course she's blonde," he mutters.

Craig snaps his head to right, "What does that mean?" he questions, glaring daggers at him.

Clyde chuckles, smiling smugly as he leans back on the sofa, "You have a thing for blondes, Craig," he clarifies, nudging him playfully in the side with his elbow as Lisa appears onscreen, "Ooh, that's for me!"

"I like Clyde," Lisa states with a grin, "I think he's a really nice person. I mean, we only dated for a few weeks, so there were no hard feelings between us."

The houseguests give puzzled expressions as Token shows up on the television. "Wendy is a very intelligent woman – definitely way out of Stan's league," Token explains, flashing his perfect, pearly-white teeth, "Honestly, that relationship never made any sense to me."

"True that," Bebe adds with a nod.

Tweek groans as his father pops up onscreen. "My son Tweek is gay," he exclaims proudly in his typical calming tone, "I would say the gayest thing about him is his boyfriend, Craig. I wish he would do more gay stuff on camera cause business has been slow lately and us without coffee is like a rainbow without it's glow-"

"Um," Token cuts in off-camera, "that didn't answer my question, Mr. Tweak." Tweek facepalms from the sofa.

Finally, the camera cuts to the infamous farting heartbreaker herself, sporting the same expressionless look she always has. Kyle's breath hitches in his throat when he sees her on the TV. "What do you think of Kyle, Douchebag?" Token asks off-camera as he holds the microphone up to her face. Douchebag blinks twice and stares blankly at him.

"Come on, you gotta have something to say about him. You guys dated for four years for Christ's sake!" Token declares, moving the microphone closer to her. Douchebag blinks once more and shrugs.

The living room is silent as the screen turns black, indicating the end of whatever the hell that video was. "So, there you have it, folks! At this time tomorrow, one of you will be handcuffed to your ex and be forced to spend the whole day with them. Good luck, and may the television audience have mercy on your souls," Token coos, before dramatically taking his hand off the 'talk' button.

"I can't believe it," Cartman speaks into the deafening silence as his fellow housemates continue awkwardly exchanging glances with one another, "I can't believe that bitch has the audacity to throw out lies and strut in here like she owns the place!" he shouts, his face filled with fury.

"Cartman, calm down. She hasn't won yet," Craig mutters as Tweek anxiously twitches next to him on the sofa. Craig grabs his hand and gently rubs it.

"Come on guys, you know she'll find a way to rig it. She wants that sweet, sweet money, and I can't see Heidi! She's the reason why I don't like girls anymore."

Kyle abruptly turns to the side, locking eyes with Cartman, "What?"

"What?" Cartman replies dumbly, staring off blankly into the distance.

Kyle sighs, already tired of the fatass's antics, and it's only two thirty. "Look, isn't this that bad, okay? Only one out of the seven of us is going to get picked, so most of us are freaking out over nothing."

"Kiel's right, yew guys," Cartman states, the words burning as he spits them out, "One of us is just going to have to take the fall here. I pick Tweek," he adds, gesturing over his shoulder at the blonde.

Tweek shrieks and clings onto his boyfriend, "Ack! Me? No way! I don't want to spend quality time with my father. The last time I did that, he went on a five-hour monologue about the wonders of topsoil," he states, shivering at the memory.

"Well, I don't want to win this! Everyone knows I was leagues above Heidi. I was clearly the victim in our relationship."

"Clearly," Wendy huffs, crossing her arms as she rolls her eyes at the ceiling.

"Look, Cartman, at the end of the day, it's not really our decision. So why worry about it?" Kyle questions, hoping to soothe the aching pounding of his own heart.

…

Kyle Broflovski
Heartbroken Mess

(clasps hands together in prayer as he stares up at the rafters) – Please, God. Please don't make me do this! I already had hemorrhoids! What more do I have to endure?

…

Eric Cartman
Psychopath

I swear to God, if yew guys send Heidi, I'm grounding all your parents up and making them into chili.

"No, he's not," Token interrupts over the loudspeaker.

Cartman scowls and folds his arms in a huff as he glares up at the ceiling. "Fuck you, Token, you black asshole!"

…

Clyde Donovan
Human Garbage Disposal

(smiling) Oh, this'll be fun.

…

Tweek Tweak
Extreme Coffee Addict

(frantically gazing around the room) I knew it! I knew the gnomes were out to get me!

…

Wendy Testaburger
Hippie Rights Activist

Do what you guys want. I trust your judgement.

…

Bebe Stevens
Former Most Popular Girl in School

I don't even know who this Scott Malkinson kid is!

…

Craig Tucker
Aggressive Tweeksexual

(shrugs) Whatever.

Author's Note: Who will be forced to be handcuffed to their ex next week? It's up to you to decide! Comment below which pair you'd like to vote for Viewers' Choice. The pairs are:

~ Kyle & Douchebag

~ Cartman & Heidi

~ Craig & Charlene (Unnamed Ex)

~ Tweek & Richard Tweak

~ Clyde & Lisa

~ Wendy & Token

~ Bebe & Scott Malkinson

The winner will be revealed in the next chapter. Try to have your comments in before Saturday, October 3rd. Feel free to vote for as many pairs as you like! :D