A/N: Look, this chapter is actually up pretty quickly! Mostly because I finished the last one a week before Halloween so I had time to kill and I decided to write this chapter and get a head start on the rest of the fic. I won't spoil anything, but things get...shall we say weirder than usual in this chapter. Also, can we please just take a moment and appreciate how much of an amazing person Tom Hiddleston is?! I swear he's the legit nicest human being on the planet. I've been watching a lot of YouTube video clips of him lately, and it doesn't matter what he's talking about, he is always the kindest person in the room. In case you couldn't tell by all the random Tom Hiddleston quotes on my profile, I'm completely obsessed with him, because he is such a literal angel sent by the gods and I just...yeah you get the idea.
Disclaimer: Do I even have to put this anymore? Marvel/Disney's. Not mine.
8. Take All The Pain Away
Loki was dreaming again.
This dream also featured Thor, but it was much darker than the last. Loki seemed to be split in half: the side of him that was currently stalking around a chained-up and muzzled Thor, and the side that was trapped on the sidelines, forced to watch.
The background was, naturally, green, and Loki couldn't make out many features of the room. He could tell it was relatively nondescript, and indeed looked more like a prison cell than anything. Thor stood in a simple army green Midgardian T-shirt and navy blue jeans, his blond hair a mess and his face bloody from a cut near his eye, his hands shackled above him by dark iron manacles. Still, Loki thought he was beautiful - though Thor, his blue eyes closed and pain written all over his face, must not have thought the same of the second Loki who had entered the dungeon-style room.
Loki winced as he saw this...doppelganger. Said doppelganger wore the same suit he'd worn when the Avengers found him in Stuttgart, carried the Scepter, and wore the same malicious smirk. Loki stared; was this really what he'd looked like? He took a closer look at this doppelganger; upon cloer inspection, Loki could see the subtle signs of the toll using the Scepter and its connection to the Other had taken on him - the faint shadows under his eyes, the slightly-messier-than-usual hair, the slightly pained way he moved.
All in all, Loki thought, this evil version of him looked awful.
Loki watched his preverbial evil twin as he stopped in front of Thor, whose eyes fluttered open, then shut again as if seeing his brother caused him physical pain.
"Dear gods, what has Barton done to you?" Evil Loki spoke as if he'd been controlling Barton for far longer than Loki actually had.
Thor opened his eyes again and glared at him. Evil Loki smirked.
"Oh, yes, I forgot. Well, he's going to need to be disciplined - again - I've told him not to injure you," Evil Loki continued. With a careless wave of his hand the cut on Thor's face disappeared; Thor's glare remained. Loki, watching in increasing horror, wondered what exactly had happened in this dreamworld; his question was answered a moment later by his evil doppelganger's continued monologue.
"Ever since I won that futile war with the so-called Avengers, Barton's been acting out a lot. It's not good; I fear if he continues this he'll eventually break my hold on him. And we can't have that. Though, with Stark and Rogers dead, the Hulk locked up in a cage for eternity like the animal he is, and Romanoff imprisoned with you, there wouldn't be much he could do."
Loki paled. So in this dream - this nightmare - he'd won. He had won the war with the Avengers. He'd killed Stark when the Arc reactor had saved him from the Scepter's mind control. He'd managed to kill the unkillable supersolder, Rogers. He'd somehow avoided getting Hulk-smashed and instead defeated the Hulk, shutting him in a cave somewhere, most likely without food or water, for eternity. He had never lost his control over Barton's mind. He'd captured Natasha, kept her imprisoned right alongside Thor...Thor, whom this twisted version of him was standing in front of like this was normal. Thor, who could do nothing to stop whatever it was that Evil Loki was going to do.
Loki shuddered. If this was what he'd have been like if he won, he was more relieved than ever that the Avengers had stopped him.
"Unless of course he tried to contact Fury or S.H.I.E.L.D.," Evil Loki went on, resuming his slow stalking pace around Thor. "They're merely an annoyance at this point, but that doesn't stop them from trying. Eventually, they might be able to take me down, but it would go so much faster with Barton on board, and I can't have that happen." He stopped behind Thor, a cruel smile twisting his lips into an expression Loki hoped he'd never see on his own face again. "But you know all this already, don't you?" Evil Loki murmured, using the Scepter to tug Thor's shirt away from his body, pulling the collar down and exposing skin. "You were there when the Avengers fell. You were there when I stabbed Stark straight through that pesky Arc reactor of his. You were there when I sent Captain America up in flames, since obviously ice wouldn't work. You were there through every minute of it." Evil Loki leaned in closer. "You know I could make you mine in every way possible with a simple tap of the scepter in my hand. But I won't. Because I mean to make you watch everything I do to those you would once have called friends, and once Romanoff and Barton are both dead and S.H.I.E.L.D. has been wiped out of existence, then and only then will I take your heart and your mind. I will make it so that even after all I've done, even when you should hate me more than anything else in all the Nine Realms, you will love me anyway, because you have no choice."
Loki turned away; he couldn't watch this anymore. He couldn't watch what he might have become, couldn't believe that that even was what he might have become...
He could hear his own evil laughter as the dream faded to black.
Loki woke up gasping again, and immediately noticed something was different.
Looking down, Loki groaned. He'd woken up to find that today he wasn't a he at all, but rather a she. At some point during the night, Loki's body had apparently decided it wanted to be a girl today.
She let her head fall back into the pillows and groaned again. She hadn't planned for this. She should have, but she hadn't.
"JARVIS," Loki said. "You there?"
"Always. But if you don't mind my asking - who is this?" the AI responded. "Your voice doesn't match any I have in my database."
"It wouldn't," Loki sighed, playing with a strand of her hair, now longer than it normally was. "I'm Loki. But what I failed to mention when I arrived is that I'm gender-fluid, which means I can change my gender at will. Normally I spend my time as a man, but...apparently today I'm a woman."
JARVIS seemed to process this for a minute, then said, "Understood. I have added your voice to my database. What was it you needed?"
"I need you to tell Natasha Romanoff to come to my room," Loki instructed. "As soon as possible."
"Will do."
She really did like this AI, Loki thought.
A few minutes later came a knock at her door; Loki called out in Russian: "Наташа? Это ты?" [Natasha? Is that you?]
"Да. Это я," Natasha's voice replied. [Yes. It's me.]
Loki relaxed, her green eyes closing briefly. Thank the gods. She opened them again and called, "Заходи, но...приготовься, это будет немного странно." [Come in, but...brace yourself, this is going to be a little weird.]
Natasha entered the room, took one look at Loki, and shook her head. "Gods. When are you going to stop surprising me?"
Loki grinned and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Never," she said.
"Очевидно," Natasha grumbled under her breath. [Evidently.]
"I heard that," Loki told her.
"Я знаю," Natasha retorted. [I know.] "That was the point."
Loki glared at her. Natasha just laughed.
"So, other than the fact that you can apparently turn yourself into a girl, why'd you tell JARVIS to bring me here?" Natasha asked.
Loki tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nearvously. "I, erm...didn't exactly plan for this. So..."
Natasha realized it and spared Loki the embarassment of having to say it aloud.
"You don't have any clothes that fit you as a woman," she realized.
Loki nodded. "Yep. I really should have planned for this, but I don't shift genders very often, so...I didn't think of it."
"Wait here," Natasha said, and departed. Loki sat up, staring after her friend in confusion. Natasha returned a few minutes later with a bundle of black - presumably some of her own clothes.
"Here," Natasha told her, handing Loki the bundle. "Get dressed. We're going shopping."
"Thanks, Natasha," Loki told her, and took the clothes. Before she disappeared into the bathroom, she poked her head back around. "Why are you lending me your clothes?" she asked.
Natasha smiled. "Us girls have to watch each other's backs, don't we?"
Loki smiled back and headed into the bathroom to get changed.
Natasha's clothes fit her almost perfectly, which Loki stimultaneously found somewhat alarming and somewhat comforting. Natasha wasn't short by any means, but she also wasn't exactly the tallest Avenger on the team. Loki shook her head; now was most definitely not the time to be worrying about that. This was going to be weird enough as it was. The clothes weren't only black, Loki discovered; the T-shirt was blue and the jeans and jacket black. Loki examined herself int he mirror; not bad, considering they were Natasha's clothes and Loki hadn't planned on becoming a girl. Her long black hair was quickly brushed out; finished, she headed back to where Natasha now sat on the edge of Loki's bed.
"Quick question: how long does this whole gender-switch thing usually last?" Natasha asked.
Loki shrugged. "Depends on the day. Normally it can last anywhere from a day to a week, never longer. I get the feeling this time it'll be shorter, maybe only a day or two, but still."
"So about seven different outfits," Natasha mused. "Okay, let's go."
"Um. Go where, exactly?" Loki asked.
Natasha siezed her arm. "The nearest clothing store, duh."
"Yeah, the others aren't gonna be too happy..." Loki once more tugged in vain at the magic-dampening cuffs, which as promised had been replaced immediately after the cleanup of the Halloween costume party was over. It had only been a few days since said party, but she was already starting to feel the effects of the bracelets.
Natasha pulled her towards the door. "The others aren't going to know until we're back. And hey, you can give them a double shock this way - new outfit as well as a completely different gender."
Despite herself, Loki grinned. "Alright. Let's go."
Loki didn't think she'd ever actually been inside a Midgardian clothing store. It was a strange experience, but Natasha was there to guide her through the whole time. Apparently she'd meant what she said about having Loki's back.
Once inside the shop, Natasha imediately dragged her over to the tops section. Loki let herself be pulled, trusting Natasha on this. At least no one would easily recognize her, Loki thought; they were used to seeing her as a man. Natasha, on the other hand, kept her hood pulled up to hide her distinctive hair, and no one really paid attention to them anyway.
"Just start looking," Natasha told her. "Find a few things that look good and then we'll head to the fitting rooms to try them on."
Loki looked sideways at her. "You...try...clothes...on? Before you buy them?"
Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. To make sure you don't have to rush back and swap out the size because it doesn't fit. Don't you do that on Asgard?"
Loki turned to the racks of clothing and started to search through them. "No. And keep your voice down."
"Почему бы тебе не сделать это в Асгарде?" Natasha persisted, switching to Russian. [Why don't you do that on Asgard?]
Loki rolled her eyes and pulled out a green shirt that looked comfortable. "Если вы не заметили, Асгард сильно отличается от Земли." [In case you hadn't noticed, Asgard is much different than Earth.]
"Так?" Natasha pressed. [So?] "Enlighten me."
Loki sighed and rolled her eyes again, finding a few other shirts (all varying shades of green, naturally) that she thought might look good on her. Natasha handed her a few pairs of dark pants - black leggings, black jeans, and just darker denim jeans as well - and a black-and-green skirt. She took the lead as Loki signaled she was ready for this fitting room thing.
"В Асгарде, у нас обычно нет таких магазинов одежды," Loki explained. [In Asgard, we don't generally have clothing stores like this.] "We make our own clothes. There are tailors all about the planet, but I remember Mother used to sew mine and Thor's tunics by hand. She probably used a little magic to help, but still." Loki smiled sadly as she thought of Frigga. "Она научила меня шить. На самом деле она многому меня научила." [She taught me how to sew. She taught me a lot, actually.]
Natasha glanced at her as the fitting rooms came into view. "Похоже, ты скучаешь по ней." [You sound like you miss her.]
Loki sighed. "I do miss her. Out of everyone in Asgard, Frigga seemed to be the only person who actually cared about me."
"Это совсем не так, Локи," Natasha said firmly. [That is not true at all, Loki.] "Even if Odin wasn't the best father ever, Thor cared about you. And he still does, Loki - you just refuse to let yourself see it."
They had reached the fitting rooms.
"Иди внутрь. Примерь одежду. Посмотрите, что подходит и как это выглядит. Я буду здесь," Natasha told her, motioning Loki towards the rooms. [Go on in. Try the clothes on. See what fits and how it looks. I'll be right here.] "We'll continue this conversation later."
Loki nodded and entered one of the fitting rooms.
The space was small, large enough to get dressed in but not much larger. Loki hung the clothes on the bar and examined herself in the double mirror on the opposite wall. For all that she'd been disoriented this morning, she thought she looked rather good. She didn't feel that way, of course, but she'd always been a good liar.
Ironic, Loki thought to herself. Even my appearance lies.
She turned back to the clothes. Here goes nothing. She pulled the first shirt (the same green as her tunic, with gold Aztech-style designs on it) and the black jeans off their hangers and tried them on; both items fit perfectly. She examined herself in the mirror again; it looked good on her. The green-gold was always a good combination, and now with the black jeans it looked even better.
She shrugged out of them and set them aside; those were definitely keepers. She moved on to the next outfit: a darker green shirt with even darker triangle patterns across the bottom and the dark jeans that looked much like the ones Natasha had lent her. The shirt was a little big, but that was okay; it meant if they got it she'd be able to wear it for a while. This outfit looked good on her too, Loki thought. Then again, she looked good in just about anything; before he realized she was Loki, Fandral had flirted with her a few times when they were younger, complimenting her every outfit. Loki had gotten annoyed rather quickly and magically sealed his mouth shut for a week.
She went through the other outfits: green blouse and black leggings, dark green jacket over gold shirt and black jeans, turquoise T-shirt with strange patterns and navy blue jeans, green-and-gold blouse and black leggings; and finally the black skirt with shimmering green designs on it and a green-and-gold top.
With the last outfit, Loki was examining herself in the mirror when a sudden mental image of a cruel grin and a glinting scepter made her actually stumble back a step in shock. It was a remnant of her dream. She looked up - and straight into the eyes of the evil doppelganger that had invaded her dream.
He grinned; she glared. Loki's evil doppelganger shouldn't have been in the mirror - but then again, she thought, this was probably all in her head.
That didn't stop Loki from actually jumping when her doppelganger raised his hand, revealing the scepter he held in his hand. Loki scowled at him, her long black hair falling in her face. She was too preoccupied with the dream remnant to brush it away.
And then the evil Loki in the mirror spoke.
"HE WILL NEVER BE YOURS."
Loki must have cried out, because Natasha's voice was calling through the door in frantic Russian a second later: "Локи! Ты в порядке?!" [Loki! Are you okay?!]
"I-I'm fine," Loki called back shakily.
"Вы не в порядке! Выходи сюда и расскажи, что случилось!" Natasha ordered. [You are not fine! Come out here and tell me what happened!]
Loki changed back into the clothes Natasha had lent her, then picked up the clothes she'd tried on and walked out. Natasha was waiting for her.
"What happened?!" Natasha exclaimed.
"I don't want to talk about it," Loki muttered.
"Too bad," Natasha said. "You're going to."
Loki sighed. The problem with having friends that cared was exactly that: they cared. She knew there was no arguing with Natasha Romanoff, so she let Natasha lead her to the nearest bench and sit down.
"What happened?" Natasha repeated.
"I had a dream last night," Loki admitted. "A very dark one. An inverted world where I won the Battle of New York. Stark and Rogers were dead; Banner locked away in a cage somewhere; Barton still under my control; and you and Thor my prisoners. I had to watch the evil version of myself as he stalked around, taunting a chained-up Thor. My mind's been playing tricks on me ever since, and...I was in there, trying on the skirt-and-shirt combo, and...a vision of him appeared in the mirror."
Natasha winced. "Then what happened?"
"He grinned at me, and raised his hand to reveal that he still held the Scepter," Loki continued, a little shakily. "I tried to tell myself it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but then he spoke and I cried out."
"What'd he say?" asked Natasha gently.
"'Он никогда не будет твоим,'" Loki whispered, an involuntary shudder running through her.
"'He will never be yours,'" Natasha echoed in English. She laid her hand on Loki's arm. "Полагаю, он говорил о Торе?" [I'm assuming he was talking about Thor?]
"Да. Я думаю так. Но я не знаю почему ..." Loki trailed off, hiding her face in her hands and feeling like a fool as she did so. [Yes. I think so. But I don't know why...] She should be stronger than this, Loki thought. Yet somehow, a dream remnant had scared her this much. She blamed it on the hormones.
"Oh, Loki," Natasha sighed.
"Глупые гребаные женские гормоны," Loki swore under her breath. [Stupid fucking female hormones.]
Natasha chuckled. Then she turned serious. "Loki, this isn't good," she said.
Loki glared at her. "Thank you, Captain Obvious," she muttered.
Natasha smirked a little. "I'm serious. Is this the first time you've had the nightmare, or...?"
Loki nodded. "First time," she confirmed. "But it will most likely happen again. I tend to do that - recurring nightmares until the issue is resolved. But I don't know what the issue is this time."
Natasha surveyed her. "Да, конечно," she said softly. "Вы просто не хотите этого признавать." [Yes, you do. You just don't want to admit it.]
"Я не понимаю, о чем вы говорите," Loki countered, a little uncomfortably. [I don't know what you're talking about.]
Natasha looked at her somewhat sadly. "Ты невозможен." [You're impossible.]
"Да уж. Я часто это понимаю," Loki replied. [Yeah. I get that a lot.]
Natasha changed the subject, which Loki was grateful for. "So? What fit?"
"Surprisingly, they all did," Loki told her. "Either we both have a good eye for size, or this is something to do with my Asgardian magic."
"I thought you couldn't use your magic while the bracelets are on," Natasha said, sounding a little confused. Loki understood; she knew how weird it must be for the humans, who before now had had no contact with magic or aliens whatsoever, to suddenly have two aliens in their midst, one of which was a sorcerer - or sorceress, now.
Enchantress, she thought, then quickly banished it; that was a skeleton best left buried.
"I can't," Loki tried her best to explain. "But this...the gender fluidity is something different. It's separate from the normal magic, the magic that these dampeners -" She tugged on a bracelet - "suppress. I can't explain it, but that's always been the case - I can just tell that my being gender-fluid has nothing to do with the magic that flows through my veins."
"What's the deal with this gender-fluidity thing anyway?" asked Natasha, actually sounding curious.
"It might be better if I explain - or attempt to explain - it to everyone at once," Loki said. Natasha nodded.
"Come on, let's buy these clothes and get out of here," Natasha said, standing and offering Loki a hand to help her up. Loki took it.
She let Natasha handle the payment - she really had no clue how Earth currenices worked - and a few minutes later, they were out the door.
"Come on, we nned to find somewhere you can change," Natasha said, all but dragging Loki further into the city.
"Tasha!" Loki protested; then she realized she'd used one of the others' nicknames for her, and Natasha had stopped, looking at her curiously.
They waited like that a moment; then Natasha grinned. "About time you used my nickname," she laughed.
"Um."
"We're friends, are we not?"
"Yes...?"
"Therefore, nickname." Natasha resumed leading Loki into the city. Loki laughed and shook her head.
"I am never going to understand you," she laughed.
"I know," Tasha said. "Here."
It was...something called a Starbucks. Loki looked quizically at Natasha. "Nat," she said seriously, "what is this place?"
Tasha laughed and shoved her inside. "Just go find the bathroom and get yourself changed; you can toss my clothes in the bag for now."
"But -!"
"Go," Natasha laughed. "I'll be out here waiting."
Loki glanced at her, then made her way into the back where she assumed the bathrooms were located. She locked herself in a stall and changed into the first outfit she'd tried on, disposing of the tags (why humans felt the need to put three or four different tags on everything, Loki would never know). Finished, she examined herself in the mirror again, quickly running her fingers through her hair. The green-and-gold shirt was definitely her style, and she was never one to turn down black clothing either (it did match her hair, after all). Satisfied, she made her way back out to the front of the shop to find Natasha standing with a smug expression and two paper cups.
"Um..." Loki trailed off, a little confused.
"Come on, Central Park," Natasha ordered. Loki sighed, smiled fondly, and followed her.
This was the third time in as many weeks that Loki had been to Central Park, and it still hadn't ceased to take her breath away. Natasha led her to a park bench and sat down; Loki followed suit, depositing the bag (which read KOHL'S) at her feet.
Natasha handed her one of the cups. "Careful, it's hot," she said. Loki winced a little as she initially took the cup, but after a moment was quite grateful for its warmth as a cold gust of wind blew around them, blowing Loki's hair into her face. She brushed it away with her free hand impatiently and shivered; she really should have bought -
"Cold?" Natasha asked, producing a spare hoodie out of nowhere. Loki gaped at her incredulously. Tasha laughed. "I grabbed it while you weren't looking. This should fit you whether you're a man or a woman."
Loki set down the cup - she still didn't know what was inside - and accepted the offered green hoodie gratefully. "Yes. I shouldn't be - I normally don't get cold - but maybe it's a side effect of the gender-change?" She shook her head. "I don't know. But Natasha Romanoff," Loki joked, "you are a lifesaver."
"I kind of am, aren't I?" Natasha teased. They shared a laugh; Loki picked up the cup again.
"So what is this, exactly?" she asked.
Natasha gave her a look. "Don't tell me you've never had coffee before."
Loki looked at her blankly. Tasha's eyes widened. "What?! Don't they have coffee on Asgard?!"
Loki shook her head. "I have no idea what this 'coffee' you speak of is," she said. "We didn't really have a wide variety of drinks. Mostly mead, tea, and water."
"Try it," Natasha ordered. "Right now."
Loki smiled, raised the cup to her lips -
"Gods, that's awful!" she exclaimed. Natasha laughed. "Seriously, what is this made of?"
"I don't actually know," Natasha chuckled. "Here, switch, you should like this one better."
They switched cups. This was just as warm as the last, though now Loki eyed it with a great deal more suspicion.
"This isn't more coffee, is it?" she asked.
Natasha laughed. "Nope. This, my friend, is hot chocolate - and Starbucks hot chocolate at that. One of the best drinks we humans have ever come up with, if you ask me."
Loki was still suspicious. "Go on, it's not poisoned," Natasha laughed.
More hesitantly this time, Loki raised the cup and took a drink. She was expecting it to be just as awful as the last; what she got instead surprised her.
"Oh my gods," Loki said. "That...was..."
"Amazing?" Natasha offered.
Loki nodded. "You weren't kidding. This tastes wonderful!"
"Wow, you really didn't have much choice in drinks on Asgard, did you?" Natasha shook her head. "How did you survive?"
"A lot of tea," Loki admitted.
"British," Natasha muttered under her breath.
Loki gave her a look. "Excuse me?" she asked with a grin.
Natasha grinned back. "I called you British," she repeated.
"Why? I'm Asgardian," Loki said.
"Your accent is distinctly British, and now this revelation about the tea," Natasha explained. "You may be Asgardian, but you sure as hell seem like you're British."
Loki laughed. "I'll take your word for it."
They finished their drinks and stood to head back to the Tower. Loki picked up the bag; when she straightened, it was to find Tasha grinning at her.
"Ready to go shock the boys to death?" Tasha asked.
Loki grinned.
They deposited the clothes in Loki's room, and Nat took her own back to her room; then they met outside the elevator that would take them to the lounge.
"Oh, this'll be fun," Loki grinned.
They entered the elevator.
"JARVIS," Natasha said.
"Yes, Agent Romanoff?"
"They boys are all in the lounge, yes?"
"Yes, I do believe they are...yes."
"You haven't told them about...me?" Loki asked.
"No, Miss Loki. I have not."
"Good," Loki grinned. "I can't wait to see their expressions."
The elevator dinged to a stop; the doors slid open; Loki and Natasha stepped out; the boys all turned to look...and their reactions, as predicted, were priceless.
"Loki?" Thor asked.
Loki nodded, her signature Trickster grin in place. Barton and the others' expressions changed to ones of shock.
"How - what - since when can he do that?!" Barton spluttered.
"I thought those magic-dampener things worked!" Stark exclaimed.
"No, no, no, this...this isn't possible," Banner muttered. "It's physically not possible. So how...?"
"I need to find Fury and give him another ten bucks," Rogers muttered, shaking his head in astonishment. "This just surprised me more than the helicarrier did."
"I've dealt with Asgardian insanity before," Coulson sighed, shaking his head, "but this takes it to a whole new level."
"Where'd you get the clothes?" Thor inquired, the only one not the least bit ruffled by the fact that his brother was now a girl. "We didn't plan for this."
"I didn't plan for this," Loki corrected, her grin fading. "And Nat took me out to buy them this morning."
"So that's where you've been all day," Thor realized.
Tasha was silently dying with laughter at Loki's side. Loki couldn't blame her; their expressions were even more funny than anticipated.
"A little explanation would be nice!" Stark protested.
"I'm gender-fluid," Loki explained. "It's an old magic, one separate from what can be suppressed by the cuffs. I've always been able to change my gender and feel equally comfortable as either. I don't know why, and I can't explain how, but it doesn't usually last long, a week at most, though those are rare occurences. Honestly, there's nothing you all can do about it except deal with it."
The boys all exchanged looks, save Thor.
"This is going to be weird," Stark declared. "But we'll just have to go with it."
Loki smiled. She and Natasha walked farther into the room and sat down. Tasha immediately struck up a conversation with Barton; Coulson went back to his book; Rogers resumed drawing; Tony walked back over to the tabel he and Banner had been working at and pulled up some schematics; Thor went back to watching the room. Loki sat down near Rogers and pulled out her phone. She was still learning how to use it, but she'd made headway much faster than Thor had.
All was relatively quiet; the low buzz of conversation was consistent background noise. Eventually, Loki's phone started acting weird on her, and she swore under her breath in Russian.
"Yeah, they give me trouble too," Rogers said.
Loki looked over; Rogers was watching her. He'd paused in his drawings; it looked like he was a few pages farther than he'd been before. There were pencil marks on his hands; she wondered if he'd noticed.
"You're the Man out of Time," Loki replied. "It's only natural."
"And you're an Asgardian who can change her gender at will," Rogers countered. Loki noted that he'd used the feminine pronoun, and appreciated it. "What's the difference?"
"A very significant one," Loki said.
"That's not what I meant," Rogers chuckled. "I mean there's not much difference in the fact that neither of us is used to 21st-century Earth technology. It's new and it's something we don't quite understand, and we all have a deep-seated fear of the unknown. You Asgardian types might say that's a human thing, but it's much more than that; it's a universal truth. Beings fear what they don't know and can't understand."
Loki studied Rogers with newfound respect. "When did you get so philosophical about a universe full of aliens that you didn't know existed until recently?"
"I had seventy years in the ice to become philosophical," Rogers said. "The aliens part? Just intuition."
Despite herself, Loki laughed. "You're not so bad, Rogers."
"You're not too terrible yourself," Rogers replied. "Er...what do I call you?"
"Still just my name is fine," Loki assured him. "That doesn't change with the gender."
Rogers nodded. His gaze flickered out over the rest of the room, resting a moment longer on Stark. Loki snuck a peek at his sketchpad; there was a half-finished sketch of Stark on it.
"Stark, huh?" Loki remarked.
Rogers looked over at her, startled. "What?"
"Stark." Loki nodded at where Stark was gesturing about something or other at a rather bored-looking Banner. "You've got your eye on him."
"I -"
"I'm not judging you, Rogers. You can tell me."
"I - yeah. Yeah, I do."
Loki studied him again. "Funny. Never would have pegged you for the type to go for the genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist."
Rogers chuckled a little. "I don't know what it is, but...there's something about him that just...draws me in." He shook his head. "I can't explain it. But he's...he's the one, Loki. I can just...sense it. You ever get that feeling?"
Loki glanced at Thor. "Yeah. Yeah, I do get that feeling."
Rogers noticed her gaze. "Thor?"
Loki nodded, mutely. Rogers nodded.
"I figured as much. It's not totally obvious, but I saw it. And I think he returns the feeling - I've seen the way he looks at you, actually drawn it a couple of times," Rogers told her.
Loki looked over at him sharply. "You...drew him...looking at me?" she asked.
Rogers nodded. "Want to see?"
Loki shrugged. "Sure."
Rogers laid his pencil on the half-finished drawing of Stark and flipped back in his sketchpad a few pages, to one of Thor. Loki looked closer; she could just barely see herself at the edges of the picture, turned away from Thor. Thor himself was drawn in sharp detail, with particular attention paid to his expression. Loki was a little startled by the intensity that Rogers had managed to draw into Thor's gaze, the intensity mixed with something that looked suspiciously like longing and...desire?
Loki shook her head. "No - this can't be right."
Rogers shrugged. "I draw it like I see it. Even if you don't believe that that's what's written all over his face when he looks at you."
Rogers flipped back to the drawing of Stark, then glanced back up at the real person. Loki followed his gaze.
"Just go for it," Loki said. "I know I'm not exactly the best person to be giving out relationship advice to, but for what it's worth Stark pays a lot more attention to you than you realize. There's something between you, some mutual attraction, and I think you should just go for it."
"Thanks, Loki," Rogers said, and smiled at her.
Loki smiled back, a little tentatively. "You're welcome, Rogers."
"Cap," Rogers said.
Loki looked at him. "What?"
"Call me Cap," Rogers repeated. "Everyone else does, and for better or worse, you're one of us now."
Loki took that in for a moment. No I'm not, but thank you for believing in me. "Okay." She smiled. "Cap."
Yeah, I know, kind of a shit way to end the chapter, but at least Loki's making progress on the forgiveness road. And guess what you *finally* get to find out in the next chapter? The identity of the she-wolf, yay! *intense sarcasm* Anyway, we do actually get to find out the she-wolf's identity next chapter, so yes you're welcome. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please leave reviews! (Seriously guys, they're what keeps me and this fic going.)