Guess who's making a chapter first thing in the morning of their birthday!? This bitch right here! *does the Torture Dance*

Anyway! I just realized I didn't answer any questions in the previous-previous chappie! *is shookt*

Hiya! Baccara is in the Marines now, right? So how will the other Marines react to his unholy brothers of mayhem?

They won't! Until I say so, at least. Baccara would probably have to excuse himself during meetings to laugh the fuck up and would garner a few weird looks, but since he has a reputation of being Garp's protege, they'll just chalk it up to D Weirdness.

Hiiiiiii! I love your story, it's so good! Have you ever thought of making a spinoff of a Pirate!Baccara?

Funny you should say that, because Baccara was originally suppoused to be a Pirate! Yup! He was planned to be a scallywag like his bros, should've ended up with Smoker, have akid girl named Polaris, and have Enel in his crew. I'll tell more if you guys wanna know!

How would you make the pairings work out? Also, will there be lemons?

With my procrastination and the power of God and Anime by my side! Ahem. Yes, there will be lemons. In AO3, I updated the tags (and pairings! It's pure chaos there), but I'll leave a signal when the scenes's gonna get steamy.

How do you write? Everday with a word count?

When the plotbunnies knock me out, or if I'm inspired. *in Dai Li Agent voice* there is no schedules in NYD's brain. No, srsly. It's either a fifteen-page chapter in one sitting, or just me opening and closing the MS Word app. There is no in between.

Listening to songs help me too! Preferably songs like MEGALOVANIA and Natural.

How will Baccara react to the Human Auction House? Will he not pursue a relationship woth Doflamingo becuz of that?

That's in the territory of spoilers! So I'll be vague: Eh.

And that's all! I'll answer last chapter's questions in the bottom. See you there!

Note: I reccomend you read this chapter in AO3 *wink wonk*

.

The first thing I was given to do, after Garp found me and asked if I had met any suspicious individuals (Mr. Funny Guy doesn't count. He's my friend now) to which I answered a negative, was to meet up with 'Senny' and give him these very important papers the old seadog had whipped out from seas-know-where (she doesn't).

Walking through the halls of Marineford, I moved this way and that to avoid my fellow Marines; all rushing, walking fastly, talking to Den Den Mushis, and generally being every inch of a busy police building that it apparently was.

Distracted as I was, I didn't notice my surroundings until I was suddenly falling on my bottom.

Thankfully, the papers weren't scattered due to my tight grip, but my forehead wasn't so lucky and I could already feel the redness on my face.

Looking up, I saw that the living wall was actually a man. A strange looking one, in fact. He was tell, give or take nine meters, and had pale blonde hair standing upwards with malevolent shades glinting eerily under the light. His clothes were bright but not searing, with whites and pinks and oranges, topped off with a ridiculously large pink feathered coat that hung from his shoulders.

(I wanna touch the coat so bad)

He gave a little laugh before I could apologize or pick myself up, a quiet fufufufu with a childlike amusement a certain shishishishi shared with. But it made my hair stand up on its end instead, and I watched as he walked away with nary a glance.

"Be careful where you walk to, little Marine. You never know what lurks in the Grand Line, after all~"

Pulling myself together, I faced him with the papers clutched on my chest and replied, "I appreciate your concern, but I've come from a den of monsters of my own."

Stilling, most likely not expecting an answer, he looked over his shoulder with an expression of silent bewilderment and the unnerving smile nowhere in sight.

Bowing with faux-politeness, I said, "And please watch where you're going. Though I apologize for any inconvenience I might've caused you." Bowed, and left.

I didn't see the interested grin that creeped up his tanned face when I rounded the corner, attention taken and held like one would to an new plaything.

.

One would think that the Fleet Admiral's office would be looming and cold, seemingly out of reach and the last place anyone would want to go to on their first day in the ranks. In a way, it was, but the only reason was because it was in the other side of the building which I entered to and I was too tired from the Voices' recent revelations. Mr. Funny Guy helped, but only just.

Knocking on the oak wooden doors, a gruff Enter sounded and I did as I was given permission to. My first impression of the Head Honcho by word and news was that he was a balanced, but harsh man towards those who were in the wrong. Somehow reaching enlightenment, he was called Sengoku the Buddha alongside his rare Mythical Zoan Fruit, the Hito Hito no Mi: Model Buddha. He fought beside Garp in keeping the toxicity of the pirates away and stood firm in the midst of the Great Pirate Age.

Fleet Admiral Sengoku was a stern-looking man with a braided goatee, a seagull-decorated hat, and a goat that chewed on his paperwork and most definitely not what I expected. He did seem to be doing his paperwork, so kudos to him.

Besides, it's not like the World Government can disappoint me more.

(Years from now, I will stare at despair-filled sapphire-blue eyes and laugh at my naïvete)

"Fleet Admiral Sengoku," I greet, saluting as I shifted the papers on one arm. "Seaman Recruit Noir reporting in for his first day. Vice-Admiral Garp had sent me with these papers for you to look over. Though I suggest you give the third and fifth pages to your goat, as it is filled merely with nonsensical stuff about his grandsons, sir." Which, is so fucking risky? Me and Garp are having words later on. He can't hide from me forever.

Fleet Admiral Sengoku took one look at my flat face, the papers still within my grasp, and sighed.

"What did that old fool do now?"

Lips twitching (seems like all of Garp's friends are my kind of people, who knew), I replied, "Vice-Admiral Tsuru asked for his expertise before giving me an order to approach you."

"And this expertise, is?"

"Destroying stuff, sir." And being annoying, but he already knew that.

Introducing his palm to his face, he muttered, "I need a damn break. And some rice crackers."

Wordlessly, I slipped in some of the rice crackers I've stolen from Garp before he sent me on an errand with the papers on his desk.

Fleet Sengoku turned to me with an expression with utmost seriousness, "You are an angel. Where the hell did Garp find you?"

Smiling winningly at the tired man, I beamed, "It was more like I found him, sir."

Opening the packet of treats with glee, Sengoku laughed.

.

My days continued on like that: assisting those Garp or Sengoku would direct me to, stealing more treats for my overworked boss, looking for a free Den Den Mushi to call home with (no such luck, all were too busy), wonder how Mr. Funny Guy is doing, and report the shenanigans Garp gets into to my only lone friend who can feel my pain. Vice-Admiral Tsuru was another one, but she was busy being mad at Sengoku, for some reason.

And then, like a wrecking to my boring and dull routine, my savior came.

With a giant axe strapped on his back, a surly demeanor, and covered head to toe with winter gear as hints of frostbite dust on his exposed skin, I jumped on Dory with all the energy that would've been tame compared to Luffy.

Of course, since he wasn't expecting me, we fell into a tangle of limbs and a surprised yelp I promised to tease him about in the future.

"What the—Baccara!?" Dory exclaimed, looking every inch of indignant but fond. I grinned, cheeks flushed from happiness at seeing a familiar face, and Dory blinked. Shaking his head, he pushed my face away and groused, "Did you have to jump me like that? Also, where's the flower on your hair? Did you lose it on the way here?"

Giggling at his questions, I refused to move on where I was. Rolling his eyes at my antics, he stood up and I let out a squeal when he effortlessly carried on despite my clinging on his neck as he supported my body with an arm. His other free arm nestled on his hip, sassily. "Hey, you didn't answer me yet."

Grin widening further, I crooned, "My, Dory. Did you miss my ass so much you have to carry me like this? How bold."

I cackled as his face, neck and ears turned an alarming shade of bright red, nearly dropping me as he spluttered and staggered. Jumping away from his chest, I ran and he gave chase as soon as he registered that the subject of his ire (and embarassement) was no more, my laughs and his yells echoing down the corridor.

(Unseen, a silhouette of a woman stopped from her stride, gaze locked on the two figures discordant to the hustle and bustle of Marineford)

.

"Seriously, where is your rose?"

Lying on Dory's bed, I hummed. From somewhere inside his personal bathroom, I could hear him take off his clothes and turn on the water. "Use hot water, Dory."

"I didn't survive being stranded on a fucking Winter Island to open cold water, you idiot. And you haven't answered me yet," he snappishly remarked, making me giggle more.

"So rude," I said, voice lilting. "PMSing much?"

Head popping out behind a blurred curtain, he snarled, "I will soak you. With cold water."

Wrapping myself with his blanket, making him look pole-axed, I hugged his pillow and stuck my tongue. "If you want to make your bed wet, that is."

For a few moments, he stared, mouth flapping open like a fish, before he slammed the door to a close and made a sound like a dying seal.

Bursting into hysterics, I muffled my laughter onto the pillow I currently had and wiped a tear away.

I should be getting some snacks for the poor Fleet Admiral right about now, but I missed Dory too much to get up. Also, his bed was so comfortable...

Before I knew it, I was out like a light, exhausted as I was from running to this place and that.

.

After he finished contemplating on drowning himself down the sink or the bathtub, Dory stepped out of the steam-filled bathroom with a towel securely around his waist and a smaller one he used to dry his hair. Murmuring something about 'brats' and 'hot water', he turned to his closet to grab a change of his uniform and stopped when he saw who was still at his bed and why.

Dumbfounded, he looked at the steady rising and falling of his friend's(? They were friends, right?) chest, cocooned as he was in his blanket, all the while clutching his pillow like a teddy bear.

Silently, he made his way back to the bathroom, soundlessly closed the door behind him, and proceede to scream into his clothes.

.

"Sorry about that. Didn't know I was that tired..."

Dory nodded, looking somewhere to my right as he sat on the foot of his bed. He's been avoiding looking at me for a while now. Did I snore or something? I know I'm not a drooler... maybe I kicked something of his?

"'S fine," he grunted, still looking away. He vaguely gestured in the air. "You must be tired since it's your first week. You can crash into my bed if you want." Then, as if realizing something, asked as he finally met my gaze, "Which barracks are you at, by the way?"

"C-37, third floor." Which was nice, if a bit packed. I was glad enough to get a top bunk, and my things were kept safely in my locker with at least three traps if someone tried to open it. "The guys there are fine, but it's sometimes too noisy."

"You can't sleep with the noise?" He asked, not unkindly. If anything, he looked troubled but knowing.

I shrugged, which was true. I had no difficulty sleeping anywhere back at home. The clinic was quiet, but full of activity; Partys Bar was always rowdy, though I could still nap on the counter; Garp's vacation house was more of a death maze with the amount of papranoid Revolutionaries there, which was why I slept at Dragon's room more often that not—both because of the silence and his tendencies to slip away; and the Dadan Family's hut was full of snores and moving limbs with my brothers holding me close.

The only reason why I could feel uncomfortable is because I don't feel safe. Sad, but true. There was no one I was close with at the barracks, the Marines I served were nameless people I'd forget after my task is done, and the only people I considered as friends were Vice-Admirals busy with pirates and the Fleet Admiral who I spent the rest of my time with.

Sensing my mood, Dory bumped his arm with mine, and quirked up a smile. "Hey, want to grab some food? I heard there's a new joint downtown."

Grateful as I was, I shook my head. "Ah, I can't. Perhaps next time? Fleet Admiral Sengoku must be wondering where I am now."

"The Fleet Admiral?" He repeated, disbelieving. "You're working directly under him?"

I hummed an affirmative. "I'm more like his messenger-slash-secretary, but yes."

His brows furrowed. "And you're still in the barracks?"

I poked his cheek, and he looked like he had no idea what to do with that. So I snickered and said, "We all can't be Captains, sir."

Scowling, he shoved me off his bed and I fell on the floor, laughing. Huffing at me, he crossed his arms and threatened, "You pull my rank at me again and I will follow up to my threat."

"With cold water? Ohhh, I'm scared."

"No," he narrowed his eyes. I stopped laughing, head tilted. "With the glitter some dumbass decided to was good to prank me with."

Rolling away from ground-zero, I sprinted down the hallway as Captain Diez Dory ran like a predator after prey.

.

"I see. No wonder you're disheveled."

I grinned at Sengoku's raised eyebrow, messy as I was with my rumpled uniform, windswept hair, and undone neckerchief. Dory had grabbed for it like a cat aiming for yarn, but I managed to dodge at the last second and slam the door to Sengoku's office on his face.

From the swears I heard behind the doors, I might've hit his nose.

"I was running for my life, sir!" I gasped. "I didn't know he was a Zoan, truly!"

And it was true, though his reaction to my leaning towards the water made more sense now. He must've been a Devil Fruit user since then, clumsy dinosaur that he is.

(I ignored the remembrance of yellow bruises on his torso, and tried not to imagine running Stratus through his father)

With a short guffaw, Sengoku reached out a stack of papers that I winced at. Those were a lot, at least three weeks worth of work. Who was the unfortunate victim of this harsh endeavor?

Gleaning something from my expression, Sengoku snorted, "It's Admiral Aokiji, but I assure you he deserves every minute of it. Irresponsible brat..."

Noticing his sour mood, I took the papers and saluted, "Don't worry, Fleet Admiral. I'll make sure he's done in a week."

Not wanting to get his hopes up, Sengoku waved me away with instructions on where the Admiral's office was.

.

The Marineford's Blue Pheasant was a man with powers capable of freezing the ocean, a cool personality borderlining on laidback, and one of the strongest Marines of this generation.

He was also nowhere to be found.

The Marine nearby had told me, with righteous amounts of sympathy, that Aokiji was off cycling somewhere in the Grand Line. I was about to ask how, remembered Devil Fruits, and called bullshit.

"You should just wait for him to come back," he tried to lessen the blow, but by his own expression, even he knew how unlikely he'd be coming back soon. "Or ask the Fleet Admiral to call him...?" Seeing my glare, he backpedaled. "Never mind!"

Dismissing him without a glance (to which he gladly took and ran away), I ran my fingers through my hair and clicked my tongue when I recalled I had cut it.

Cycling, huh?

Placing the stack of papers on a desk devoid of any mess, not for the lack of trying, I looked out at the office window and let my eyes bleed gold.

A simple Moonwalk would solve this little problem soon enough.

.

Aokiji, also known as Kuzan by those he was close to, was in peace.

He had found an uninhabited island not too far from Marineford, and had hunkered down for a nap with his coat folded as a pillow under his head.

Catching pirates was tiring, but reporting back to Headquarters was even more tiring. Nevertheless, he resolved to call in. After a nap, or two.

"There you are."

Minutely freezing up, he gave no outward reaction to show his surprise and instead lazily opened an eye to see the newcomer.

The boy, barely a man, was wearing a Marine uniform with short, wavy hair and a benevolent smile upon a fair face.

Aokiji fought down the urge to shiver.

"Admiral Aokiji," he started, saccharine. "Fleet Admiral Sengoku has ordered for you to come back and complete your paperwork, due three weeks ago." Form a perfect picture of a soldier's rest, he continued, "And I'm here to make sure that you'll finish it within a week."

A week? You gotta be kidding me. Not voicing out his thoughts, he turned around and answered, "Sure, sure. I'll do it after I take a nap. Don't worry."

Most Marines sent after him were too weak-willed to talk back, or too hotheaded that he froze them to cool down as he napped. This one looked calm, but Aokiji would 't be surprised if he left immediately.

To his surprise and dismay, he didn't. "I don't believe you, sir."

"Have you of little faith to your superior officer?" He drawled.

"Yes," was the quick reply. Which, ouch.

Sending a disgruntled glance over at the other, he shot back, "You must be new, huh?"

Unperturbed, the Marine readily parried his words, "Not new enough to know a lazybum."

"Feisty. You a Lieutenant?"

"Seaman Recruit, also Fleet Admiral Sengoku's secretary." Ah, shit. This is bad.

"The Fleet Admiral?" he echoed, not bothering to hide his sincere awe. Must be really strong or really smart to catch the old goat's eye. "Nice. Congrats, kid."

Without missing a beat, he answered, "If you have time to converse with me like this, you must have enough time to start with your paperwork."

Brutal. Definitely Sengoku's type of guy. Also, Aokiji has to admit he has balls of steel, but this is getting annoying. "Nope, sorry. Busy with Admiral business."

"I didn't know sleeping in the job was an Admiral's business," he sharply countered. "How low the mighty has fallen. I wonder what the Fleet Admiral will say?"

Shoot my heart and dig my grave, will ya? "Alright, that's enough. Threatening a superior officier is well within the realm of treason." Not that he would report him. No, it's too troublesome. "Leave while I'm still asking nicely."

"This is you asking nicely?" The Marine—he should get his name, that mouthy brat—spoke, unimpressed coloring his features. An eyebrow was raised, like a disappointed parent. "The pirates you encounter must be small fry if they comply, then."

Oh, that was good. If it were anyone but him, he'd buy this one a drink. He looked cute, too. Pity.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," and he turned the ground into ice, watching as it crawled from the frozen grass to the Marine's shoes—

He disappeared in a blur and, not expecting that, his Observation failed to warn him of the pinprick pain on his neck, and he blacked out.

(Sniffing, Baccara carried the downed Admiral over his back and said to no one, "I've met far more stubborn men than you, Mister Admiral. And they were Monkey D.'s."

Laughing at it all, the Voices chittered)

While the sight of a small slip of a man carrying the famous Ice Admiral would be the news of months to come, Baccara paid no mind to the whisperings and jostled the unconscious man. Staring up at the stairs, he looked at his deadweight burden and dragged him upwards with his head hitting each step, much to the onlookers' horror.

.

Aokiji woke up to a throbbing head, a drowsy tiredness that didn't come from his naps, and a familiar Marine with a smile that would give him nightmares.

"What the fu—" he then remembered the sequence of events before he fainted, and pointed an accusing finger at the perpetrator. "You knocked me out."

Unashamed, he nodded, "I knocked you out."

"And you used Shave."

"And I used Shave."

"Are you just going to repeat everything I say?"

"Don't ask stupid questions then."

Eye twitching, he put down his hand and saw that he was behind his desk. His paper-laden desk, to be exact. He also had a pen at hand, and he can't remember if he even had this type of pen. It looked like a simple ballpoint one. What the fuck.

"Does Sengoku know this?"

Seeing as there aren't enough traitors in Aokiji's life, the Marine nodded again. "Yup."

He cursed.

Mullishly sending daggers at his minder for the day, he took the top portion of the stack of papers and asked, "I should at least get your name. You know, to put you in my hitlist."

Still unshaken, the Marine dutifully replied, "Seaman Recruit Noir, sir."

Biting down the urge to throw the ballpen at that Noir's smug face, Aokiji signed the papers while he bemoaned the unfairness of it all.

Seaman Recruit Noir was unmoved, and said that if he tried to take a nap, he'd use something stronger than Propofol the next time they'd meet.

Dully noted, Aokiji sneered inwardly.

.

Sengoku looked at the stack of papers I had, then at the slouching (more so than usual) Admiral who was burning me with his non-existent fire powers via angry hazel-brown eyes, before asking, "What miracle did you pull off and how."

I merely beamed, "Propofol."

Hissing at the mention of his downfall, Aokiji moved away from me.

Sengoku laughed, loud and relieved, "I should've assigned you to him long ago! Now I know why you are truly Garp's protégé! Bwahahahaha!"

"You're Garp's student?" Was the flummoxed question Aokiji spoke to me for the first time in the past five days. I let him sleep during the extra two.

Grinning in a way that had made lesser men pee their pants at Partys Bar, I simply inclined my head at his inquiry.

Looking a bit better but green around the gills at the same time, he let a smile overtake his face before mentioning, "Hey, Sengoku. How's the rest of my buddies doing? Are their paperwork all done?"

Contrary to what I was expecting, Sengoku looked like the cat who caught the canary and the cream. "No, but I'm sure Baccara can fix that for me?"

Saluting in the middle of Aokiji's deep chuckles, my eyes curved into upside-down crescents. "By your word, Fleet Admiral Sengoku."

(Somewhere around the Grand Line, two certain Admirals suddenly felt a chill down their spines, and an inexplicable need to run far, far away)

.

Admiral Kizaru was easy to find.

He didn't bother hiding himself, tall and yellow and sticking out like a sore thumb. He was, funnily enough, in the South Blue where Ms. Rouge came from.

"Admiral Kizaru," I purred, not missing the bead of sweat that fell from his forehead. He had nowhere to escape from in this junkyard of metals and scraps. Not unless he used his Devil Fruit ability, which would be risky due to the amount of reflections around us. "Fleet Admiral Sengoku has ordered for you to complete your one-week's worth of paperwork. If not, I will use any means in... persuading you to do so."

I let my grin take a sharper image. "Effective immediately."

Gulping, the Admiral scattered into atoms of light, and I started to hunt.

.

Admiral Akainu took in the situation before him.

Admiral Kizaru: chained (with seastone), nursing a bump on his head (haki), bit scruffed up with cuts (fast, swordsman) and pouting (defeated).

Newcomer Marine: slightly dirtied, devoid of a coat (lower-ranking, stronger than he looks), saber present (the swordsman), holding the chain connected to Kizaru's cuffs (resourceful, given permission to use force) and smiling as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

Slowly, he fell into step with the unknown hostile and followed.

"How scary," Kizaru whispered to his fellow prisoner, making Akainu glare at him with the wrath of a thousand suns.

.

"I'd ask you to marry me, but you're too young and frankly, Garp would kill me if I did."

Setting down the stacks of glorious, completed paperwork (given to me with an unrepentant smirk and a murderous scowl), I tapped my foot and proudly joked, "I apologize, sir, but you're not my type." Successfully earning another bark of laughter reminiscent to Garp's.

"Well, I should reward you for a job well done. You've exceeded my expectations and tested out of all of the training Headquarters could give you, so it would only be right."

Taking something underneath his table, my eyes widened as he handed me a neatly folded coat that was a stark reminder to me of Garp's position. Only that it was simpler and as large as I was.

With a slendor that I didn't really take not of from Sengoku, he announced, "Well done, Captain Noir! I look forward to your continuous streak of successful jobs!"

My surprise only lasted for a minute or two, and then I let the coat rest on my shoulders with a weight that signified it's worth.

I was a Marine, yes, but it hadn't really sunk in until now.

Saluting, I answered back, "Captain Noir reporting in, sir!"

Guess who's climbing the ranks now, Dory!

.

AKSJSHJAJS I'VE BEEN GRINNING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS, I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED!

Question time!

Does Baccara have a title like the other Marines do?

Not yet, but Garp's men calls him "Little Sheep-in-Wolf's Clothing", or "Sheep" in short. Which is funny, but true. Doubly so when you remember that Garp is a Dog.

Shanks/Makino/Mihawk!?

:)

Art for your OCs?

Here ya go!

And that's it! Here's the bovnus for AO3 readers (I'll post these at tumblr, don't worry)

Edit: should I make a Baccara-answers-ask-blog in tumblr or no?