Thankfully, Gust managed to sleep a couple of hours before the alarm went off. Still, not being able to sleep as he should the last couple of days was starting to take its toll on him. He'd had this weird dream where Rose somehow shared his newfound feelings, and where he managed to not freeze and kissed her. At least, he thought it was, until his gaze stopped on the blue heart knot tied to his right wrist.
He quickly sat up in bed, now fully awake, just to stare at the handcrafted thread in full panic.
It hadn't been a dream, and the realization made his heart race on an erratic rhythm. Yes, she made a heart knot for him, yes, he was very fond of her and very much wanted to kiss her again… but now what? What was he supposed to do with this situation he had gotten himself into? This was the reason he had been avoiding the topic completely, in a state of mind that he would cross that bridge when he got to it ( if he ever got to it), but now he was standing in the middle of it with the sheer realization he was afraid of heights. He didn't know how to woo, he wasn't interested before, heck, last night was his first attempt at a kiss too. And speaking of which, what if he screwed it up and Rose was just kind enough to not comment on it? How did he manage to trick the kindest girl in town to believe she was interested in him? How was he going to be able to look her at the face after that night?
And then he remembered she was under that same roof, which worsened his panic. He practically ran to the shower and started scrubbing his hair without waiting for the water to warm, he had to leave before anyone else woke up, before she woke up, and before he was obliged to give explanations. It was the quickest, coldest shower he could recall having. He rushed his entire routine, completely skipping breakfast.
By the time he made it out of his house, the sun was just starting to show up, but he still ran to his office. His hands were shaking and he fiddled with the doorknob, and when he managed to get inside, he leaned his back against it.
"This is unexpected", Albert's voice startled him. He completely forgot his best friend usually arrived at the office way earlier than him everyday. The dark-haired man was assessing him, brow arched with worry. "Is everything ok?"
"I…", he trailed off, unable to find his voice. He had to take a few deep breaths to calm down enough to actually talk, while Albert was staring from a safe distance, the worry never leaving his eyes. "I don't know." he finally babbled.
"What's wrong?" Albert approached him, deciding it was now safe to get closer without pushing Gust to the limit. Not that he wasn't on it already anyway. How was he going to get help if he couldn't ask for it in the first place?
Albert seemed to read him and waited patiently for him to open, at least, until he saw his wrist.
"Holy shit." he muttered under his breath.
Gust was disheveled, with deep dark circles under his eyes, his hair dripping wet, and his inability to talk, not to mention he practically ran from his house to go and hide in his office. QQ wasn't even with him this morning. It didn't take much to Albert to put two plus two.
"You don't know what to do, don't you?" he sighed, clearly having made the correct assumption.
Gust ran a hand over his damp hair, getting it messier than it already was.
"That's an understatement." he retorted. Gust half expected for him to burst out laughing, but he just seemed worried.
"Talk to me", Albert put his hand on his shoulder and guided him over his worktable, making him sit.
Albert looked at him expectantly, giving him time to build up the courage to speak. Gust finally gave in and sighed.
"I… I don't know where to start," he admitted reluctantly. He was so overwhelmed he was having a hard time following his own thoughts. He knew the logical path was to just ask for help, but help for what?
"Why don't you start with what makes it easier for you?" his best friend added with a sympathetic smile.
"Easy?" he wondered. There was no "easy" thing about it, so he started with the most obvious statement. "I don't know if I am made for this. Dating. This. " He rolled his eyes. The more he thought about what he'd done, the more childish his reaction seemed to himself. Albert chuckled.
"You see, dating is not that hard, Gust. You just have to find things and places that both of you enjoy and then you get to spend time together," he answered nonchalantly. Gust wondered briefly if it was ok to ask Albert, considering he hadn't been able to continue a relationship for more than a couple of months. "The way I see it, you already did the hardest thing of it all; making someone you like, like you back."
"Yes, and I'm sure I'll screw it up." Gust bluntly stated. Albert gave him a thoughtful look.
"Do you regret it?", he simply asked.
"What? No-I… Quite the opposite," Gust stammered in panic. He didn't regret it, if he was honest with himself, he had been relieved to know she felt the same, even happy. Still, he was worried. "But what if she does?" he softly asked.
"Look Gust, there is no way for you to know how Rosie feels if you keep avoiding her." Albert made his way up to him and squeezed his shoulders reassuringly. "I have a feeling about what's bothering you. But she already took the first step, now it's your turn to meet her in the middle." he smiled sympathetically. "Invite her on a date, go have fun and talk with her."
Gust nodded in defeat.
"And please go to sleep. You look awful."
Gust entered his house quietly, and was relieved to see no one. He figured his dad was already at work, and Russo was probably shopping at the central plaza. It was still pretty early, so he was sure Ginger was still asleep, and Rosie had had a bad night so he figured she was as well, or at least he hoped she was.
He got to Ginger's bedroom and slipped a small, white envelope under the door. He then headed to his own room in search of a suitable pair of clothes. Once he was packed, he gathered up the brooch he'd bought in Walnut Groove. Knowing it was securely in his pocket, he left the house as quickly and as quietly as possible, on his way to Albert's
If he wanted to talk with Rose, it was for the best if they were alone. He didn't want to talk with his family, at least not yet, not until he got to talk with her. His plan was simple; he'd left a note for Rosie to meet him at his door at 19:00, he would take her stargazing and they would talk. As friends, he could choose not to tell her the things he was certain would drive her away, as lovers, it wasn't fair for her to be in such a blind relationship. If everything went well though, he would have the opportunity to be a decent man and take care of her. If not… well, at least Rosie wouldn't waste her time on him. Either way, his worries would end that day, for better or for worse.
He crashed on Albert's couch after leaving his clothes hanging on the back of a chair. It was a dreamless sleep, his body was exhausted from everything in the past few days and his brain had been on constant overload. When he woke up a few hours later, he found a package from Django's, along with a note from Albert that only had one word:
Eat.
He opened the package, grateful that it was still warm, the smell of the food made him remember he hadn't eaten anything since last night. It was one of his favorites: Baked rice with chicken curry, and it was accompanied by a jar of apricot juice. It was one of those times where he noticed how lucky he was for having Albert as a friend.
He devoured his meal, eating so fast he wasn't enjoying it as much as usual. When he finished, he took a glance at the clock and sighed, his nervousness returning with full force. He suddenly regretted how quickly he'd eaten, his stomach now queasy.
It was time to get ready.
In the end, Rose had chosen to wear a long-sleeved deep blue dress. It wasn't as if she had much of a choice, Albert only brought dresses for her since the stitches were prone to get caught in the clothes making pants a very inconvenient option. Either way, she didn't like the worried look Gust gave her every time he saw her bruises. She could cover most of her bruises with clothing but the one under her eye was a whole other story. She and Ginger had attempted to cover it with makeup, and while it looked faded, it was still there.
Admittedly, she had been surprised when she'd found the envelope. It had her name in beautiful, elegant handwriting, and the note inside was brief.
"Meet me at the door at 19:00. Don't be late!"
Of course, she'd had to explain everything that had happened to Ginger before she could ask for help, and it had been embarrassing to say the least. At first Ginger had been a little bit mad that she hadn't waited for her to go and plan a confession, but when she told her it was probably for the best it had happened that way (alone, with no one seeing and with the opportunity to go as if nothing had happened at all), Ginger gave in. Instead, she asked for every single detail, which had Rose overwhelmed with embarrassment.
As the clock hit 19:00, she hesitantly opened the front door. In all honesty, she wasn't surprised to find Gust already waiting for her. He wore a salmon sweater with a white and beige checkered shirt underneath and black pants. A long, light brown jacket rested on his arm. If Rose had to describe him with a word, she would probably use 'handsome'. She looked at him sheepishly, convinced he could see the blush under her freckles, that very much matched the blush under his. She walked towards him, and when she was closer, Gust cleared his throat and looked everywhere but at her.
"I.. Albert gave me this whilst in Walnut Groove. I have no use for it, so you can have it." he handed her a green and blue crystal brooch.
She marveled at the delicate work, and she gently ran her fingertips over the golden accents. Rose muttered a small "thank you" and she put it on over her heart. Rose wasn't entirely convinced Albert gave it to Gust, but was willing to let it slide for the time being, smiling warmly at him. It wasn't the first time she'd received a gift from him, but this time it was not a gift out of necessity.
Rose was startled when Gust approached her and gently caressed the bruise under her eye with his thumb.
"How are you feeling?" he inquired, finally looking at her eyes.
"Surprisingly good," she replied honestly. Gust let his hand slide off her cheek and nodded.
"Then let's go." he extended his arm and she laced her fingers onto it.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"To the church." he simply stated.
They walked in silence up to the entrance of the ruins under the church, where Gust stopped. By this time, Rose already knew his intentions; if he didn't let her go downstairs, he wasn't going to let her go uphill all the way to the church. Without much debate, he leaned down, placed her arm around his shoulder, and picked her up easily in his arms.
With a good pair of legs, the trip all the way up was fifteen minutes long. She was curious as to what they were going to do there, but decided not to ask yet, since she felt Gust was less talkative than usual. She was merely content with being able to be in his arms as close as this, his musky scent was something she was mesmerized with. When they got to the top, he gently let her down near a large rock.
"So… what are we doing here?" she finally asked, giving in to her curiosity.
"Stargazing, of course," he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Gust took a seat on the rock, and left his jacket on a side, then patted at his side as an indication for her to sit down. She smiled at him and complied. When she looked up, she was taken aback. Right there, on top of the church and away from the lights of the small city, the stars seemed brighter and closer, and not just that, somehow she had the feeling there were more. She absent-mindedly got up and walked a few steps forward, as if she was trying to reach them.
That's when she felt Gust's hands embracing her from behind, dragging her with him back to the rock. She was now sitting on his lap, his arms still draped over her.
"Gust?" she asked while trying to look back, but Gust was adamant on keeping her still.
"Please stay like that," he begged, a hint of prayer in his voice.
It was the same tone of voice he used when he'd asked her to take care of herself, raw and emotional. She stopped trying to turn, fixing her gaze at the distance, and then nodded.
"If… if you are going to be my partner, there is something I need to tell you", his voice was just above a whisper, but she could hear him perfectly, his breath tingling on her ear.
"Okay", she answered in a low voice. By now, she was starting to worry. He sighed before he continued.
"There was a time where I hated Ginger. When she was born, I blamed her for the death of our mother, and I ignored her existence. I hated her so much that, when I was fourteen, I left for Atara," Gust could barely maintain his voice steady, but he continued anyway. "I wasn't planning to come back at the time. While studying there I… realized I've been blaming her for something she didn't have control of, but I didn't know how to fix things with her. When she…" Gust trailed off, his voice breaking. Rose put a hand over one of his and gave him a little squeeze. She already knew what he was referring to, Ginger had told her herself. "I just… I had to come back."
She felt Gust slide his hands off her, and she found that simple act worrisome. Still, she waited patiently for him to continue. She knew he wasn't a man of words, unless something really bothered him.
"I don't know what concept you have of me, Rose, but I've abandoned my family. That's the type of man I am," he mumbled. "I understand if you don't want to continue being a friend." Gust had his hands in a fist over his knees, so tight she could see a faint whiteness on his knuckles.
Rose got up from her spot and finally turned to look him in the face, her brows furrowed. She could tell he was expecting for her to be mad at him, because he was trying to keep his expression neutral, and when she raised her hands he closed his eyes, as if he was expecting a hit. Instead, she cupped his head in her hands, and Gust opened his eyes in surprise.
"How are you so smart and yet so silly?" she found herself asking. "Why did you even think I would step back?" and if she hadn't known how much trust it had cost him to open up, she may have laughed at his puzzled expression.
"But I…" he trailed off in his confusion.
"Yes, Gust of the past made very stupid decisions. But I… think there was some logic behind that, even if childish. I mean, you were a child", she shrugged, not moving her hands from his cheeks a bit. "But you grew up, you learned from your mistake, and most importantly, you came back ."
She hoped she got her point across. She thought he was worried because of what happened with her dad, but she sincerely thought Gust had learned from his mistakes, and faced them. She wished her dad did the same, but knew otherwise.
Gust seemed to think about it, and then covered one of her hands with his.
"Are you sure you are okay with me?" his voice carried a bit of hope, yet sounded hurt.
She smiled warmly at him, and softly stroked his skin with her thumbs.
"I like this Gust. Grumpy? Yes. But also smart, passionate and caring. You are a lot more than your mistakes." he looked very much like he would like to argue, so she did the only thing she'd wanted to do since the night before.
She leaned and kissed him softly.
Notes: If you read till here and you wish to, please leave a comment! (I don't bite, and I try to reply to each one)They help me to keep my motivation on the worst days and they certainly make my day. I want to make clear that you don't need to in order for me to keep writing, it just helps me to get out of my writing block. Please be safe!