Day 82
"...Top analysts are in disagreement over the long-term implications of the recent plunge in the stock market..."
Shego dumbly listened to the newscast from her place in the chair, which she had moved to be against the opposite wall from his bed. The oleander poison was taking its sweet time working out of her system, and she had resolved to keep her distance from Drakken just in case it somehow transferred. He didn't need any health complications.
She found herself frowning more and more as she listened again to the circular talk of the flavor-of-the-day expert, attempting to sound knowledgeable when most of what she had heard so far was opinion from people who just wanted to talk. It was amazing to her that the most reliable information she had found regarding anything in the current situation had come from Drakken.
The mad scientist was currently sitting up in bed coughing. The laptop was on his lap, and Shego could see the sheen of sweat on his forehead even from her post against the opposite wall. The dark circles under his eyes were deeper and his skin looked almost translucent, which combined made him appear almost ghostlike... But for the moment, she wasn't insisting he rest.
Largely because, she had spent an inordinate amount of time resting herself since they had returned to the lair after her impromptu excursion a day and a half prior and she just hadn't had the energy to make him. Her cough had returned with a vengeance after spending too long out in the elements, the morning sickness was near-constant, and the oleander poisoning made her feel even worse.
That afternoon after sitting in silence with him for over three hours as he frowned at the laptop screen, she'd left the room in frustration. She had taken a long, soothing shower and then dressed in her favorite pajamas. After that and a hot meal, microwaved though it was, she started to feel a bit like herself again. But returning to Drakken's room later had brought back the depression that she hadn't realized was settling in around her.
The bedroom had completely lost any connotations of love or desire, or even evil as she looked around at the small hill of laundry, the trash bag next to the bed full of napkins (they had run out of tissues), the endless drone of the news on the TV above, and the coughing blue man in the bed staring at the laptop.
So Shego sat with uncharacteristic silence and stillness in the chair except when she coughed, watching him work. There was one thing pressing through the weight of hopelessness however that kept her from just giving into the desire to go to sleep until it was all over. It was her other reason for allowing Drakken to work, despite the fact that going out had clearly overtaxed him.
She was still waiting for his verdict on whether or not the two antihistamine pills she had taken would hurt the baby.
She looked down at her hands in her lap with a grimace. Some of the scabs were still present from the damage she had done to herself, but those that had already healed and fallen off had left pale white scars in their place. They looked like polka dots over Shego's palms and the backs of her hands. She hoped her face wouldn't suffer the same disfigurement, but the more she dwelt on the prospect the easier she found it was to give in to despair.
A rasping cough from Drakken brought her still-swollen eyes back up to look at him. She was surprised to find him watching her as he reached for a napkin. The stern set of his face had relaxed.
"Doc?" she said, not bothering to sit up.
As he replied, every word was separated by several coughs.
"The...antihistamines...are...harmless," he said. "You can...take...more."
Shego glanced around the room until she spotted the discarded pharmacy bag on his vanity. And then a mental war began in her mind. She should get up and take another pill... It would probably reduce the risk of more scarring. But something was pressing in the back of her mind, repeating over and over... 'What's the point?'
Drakken's coughing subsided and he looked at her curiously. "Shego?"
She looked at him. After a moment she slowly rolled her eyes and stood up, crossing the room to the vanity. For some reason...she didn't want him to know how miserable she was feeling.
She got one of the antihistamine pills and swallowed it back with a drink from her water bottle, and then she leaned back against his vanity with a sigh. She glanced up at the TV where a camera was panning over empty grocery store shelves.
"Shego?" he repeated.
She started back to her chair. "What's the point? I'm still gonna end up looking like a green Easter egg."
When she sat down, her brow rose in surprise as Drakken began pushing the blankets back and getting out of bed.
"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously as he approached her pharmacy bag.
He leaned against the vanity and coughed as he reached inside the bag and pulled out the tiny bottle of eye drops. He clutched the bottle as he hunched lower over the table, the coughs shaking him almost down to his feet.
Shego leaned forward, worry for him starting to break through her despondency, when his coughing finally began to subside. Shaking, he straightened up and started toward her with the eye drops.
With a sigh and a frown she held out her hand to take them, but he didn't give them to her. Instead he stood next to the chair and unscrewed the cap from the drops.
"What are you—?"
"Tilt your head back," he said quietly.
Shego's jaw worked for a moment before she complied, her brow furrowing. She tried to open her eyes wider as Drakken prepared to put the drops in, reading the bottle for the dosage. She peered up at his concentrated expression and surprisingly steady hand until the cold drops hit each of her eyes in turn. She blinked to work the medication in, and as she raised her head she found her eyes moistening for a different reason altogether.
"You're supposed to use these every day for two weeks," Drakken said as he screwed the cap back on the bottle.
Shego stared without focus at the bed, biting the inside of her cheeks as a lump began forming in her throat. A moment later her vision was filled as Drakken knelt in front of her, his concerned eyes staring straight into hers.
She looked away.
His hands suddenly holding one of hers brought her gaze back, and she watched as he lifted her scarred hand to his lips and kissed it. Shego frowned, but couldn't stop the tears that had begun to sting her eyes.
Drakken stared at her, his expression a mixture of worry and nervousness. But a moment later his gaze dropped as he kissed her hand again. He kissed her knuckles each in turn, and then down the backs of each of her fingers. He uncurled her hand and kissed her palm, and then the inside of her wrist.
He looked at her again, as if asking for permission, and Shego struggled to keep the frown on her face even as her lips began to tremble. He ignored her expression and slowly kissed up the inside of her arm, pausing at the warm, sensitive skin at the inside of her elbow. She felt the slight tickle of his tongue before he continued up toward her bicep.
"You're gonna get this rash," she managed to say as her throat tightened.
He ignored her again, pushing up the sleeve of her t-shirt to kiss her shoulder. His lips lingered there and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to feel the tender touch as a shaky breath escaped her lips.
Suddenly the touch was gone as he broke away to cough, and the wall of anger and depression she had been building started to crumble as her hands tightly gripped his shoulders.
"You should be resting," she said hoarsely when his coughing fit subsided, a tear rolling down her cheek.
His frame was shaking and unsteady as he turned back to her, his gaze resolute. He took her hands in his.
"Come...come to bed with me," he said nervously.
Too many emotions swirled within her at the kind insistence of his voice, the gentle authority in his eyes, and the tender way he held her hands as if they were glass and might break. Her lips trembled and she didn't know what to do as everything inside her seemed to collapse under a tsunami wave of passions, both good and ill.
Her lips parted to speak, but she couldn't form any words to say. His eyes grew more worried as he slowly pulled her to her feet and they walked the short distance to the bed.
Shego let him sit her down, and then scooted with him toward the middle of the bed. The discomfiture in his eyes was growing as he was clearly trying to figure out what to do next. She solved his problem for him by leaning across the distance and kissing him. Her heart began racing as his response was immediate and sensual, his tongue slipping between her lips to caress hers.
She breathed in sharply through her nostrils and hummed her desirous approval, pulling him closer with a hand behind his neck...
She broke away as a cough suddenly racked her frame, turning her back to him as she leaned down with her forearms on the mattress. Tears slipped from her eyes as she again slipped down into the internal pit of misery she had dug for herself.
A moment later Drakken's hands were lain gently on her back, and she heard him cough too. She couldn't bring herself to look up again. There just...
"There isn't anything to hope for," she heard a voice say. She knew it was hers, though it didn't sound like anything she would ever say. "I just want my life back."
His arms encircled her from behind, one around her shoulders and the other around her waist, and his cheek rested against the top of her head. She shuddered as she tried to measure her breaths and stop the stream of tears that had begun, leaning into his heat. The realization of just how thin he was as she pressed into him helped her focus, and her control quickly returned. She breathed slowly as she absorbed the feel of him, his touch in that moment seeming like everything she had wanted and could ever want.
"Shego?" he said softly.
She turned to face him and brought her hands up to grip his shoulders. He glanced away with a slight frown, and then brought his gaze back to meet hers. A slight anxiety was added to his eyes as he did.
"Th-think about it... There must be...millions of people like us, right now," he said slowly. "We just have to...go on."
His words were a sliver of light penetrating the dark cloud over her soul. He wasn't nearly as good at motivational speeches as he was evil monologues, but...every word was sincere. She turned and coughed into her shoulder, clinging to his words as the dark cloud threatened to push them out.
"You kept me alive."
She stifled her cough and looked up.
"I think about it, every day... You're what I'm hoping for."
Shego felt a familiar anxiety rise in her chest. It was time... There may not come another time... To talk about what they were.
She slid her hands up and laced her fingers behind his neck, glancing away apprehensively. "Um... You might not remember... Probably don't, since you were delirious... But...a few weeks ago you said that... You said that you love me."
She held her breath as she looked up and found Drakken looking anxious as well. She realized she was expecting denial, or an excuse, or something to reason away everything he had done in the last few minutes that was demanding she open the doors of her heart. It was a risk she wasn't sure if she could truly take.
He took a slow breath in through his nose, and then let it out. "I remember."
Her brow lifted slightly.
"I remember...you were cooling me with ice, and I kept telling myself to, 'live, live, live,' because of..." His gaze dropped, and Shego knew he meant the baby. "But I was so tired and thought each time I fell asleep...I might not wake up again. And I didn't want to die without telling you."
He glanced away at the last, a hint of fear in his eyes. Shego felt a disquieting sense like electricity course through her as she took a nervous breath.
"So...you do love me?"
Drakken looked back sharply, and then had to turn away again to cough. Shego lightly rubbed his neck as she waited, worry settling into the pit of her stomach.
"Yes!" he said when he looked at her again. The sudden shock in his eyes began morphing into fear. "You do... Um. You said...that you love me?"
"I do," she said quickly.
His jaw worked for a moment, and he coughed lightly into his shoulder. "Why?"
Her brow furrowed lightly. Why? She hadn't...tried to itemize any reasons. But as she looked at him, his eyes were growing more concerned. She wondered if he had the same locked door around his heart that she did.
"I don't know," she admitted, feeling her anxiety manifest as tension in her shoulders. "I just...want to be with you all the time, and...talk to you, and hear you talk...and try to take over the world with you."
Her gaze fell and the worry in her stomach grew as she felt the explanation was wholly inadequate. Who talked about love like that?
"Oh, and...you're cute," she added, glancing back up and blushing as she said it.
She watched him cautiously and found his expression to be something of complete bewilderment.
"You like hearing me talk?" he finally said.
She nodded as she turned to cough into her shoulder.
"But you're always making fun of..." he trailed off as he seemed to be searching for a word.
Shego tried to follow his thoughts and arrived at, "...Everything?"
He nodded.
Shego considered. "Just when your plans are dumb."
Drakken frowned. "So all of them?"
He lifted his hands to her shoulders as if to push her away, but then hesitated. Shego held her breath until he replaced his arms around her and then they both sighed.
"If you'd ever take my advice, then maybe they wouldn't be..." she muttered.
His frown deepened as he took in a sharp breath. "You...just...why don't you... Nyah!" he said over her head, pulling away and crossing his arms over his chest.
Shego felt the pain she had feared so much rush through her heart's door like a stampede, trampling that fragile part of her that she didn't yet understand. She threw out anger in defense.
"Like you've ever done anything to suggest you love me," she argued back, crossing her arms and legs and turning away from him.
She felt the renewed prickle of tears in her eyes as she sat hunched forward on the bed, the tension in her shoulders and neck increasing. What had happened? It was only minutes ago that he was kissing her arm and melting her anxieties with little more than the look in his eyes.
A minute passed. And then...
"Shego?"
His fingers touched her arm, and she coughed to hide her sniffle.
"I'm sorry. And I don't...really know why I love you either. But I, um... I love everything about you. I always have."
Shego grimaced as she kept her face steadfastly away from him. Why did he have to be the bigger person and apologize? When he hadn't even really said anything that could be considered 'wrong' between them that needed apologizing for.
"...Shego?"
With a growl of frustration she turned and flung her arms around him, knocking him back onto his elbows as she kissed him fiercely. After a moment of shock he kissed her back, pushing himself up and then grabbing her shoulders tightly.
When he inevitably pulled away to cough Shego looked at him through narrowed, angry, and frustrated eyes. His own were annoyed, hurt, and a bit worried. When his coughing fit subsided she hit him once in the arm with her fist.
"I just love you, okay!" Shego said, her shoulders shaking as a sob threatened to burst from her chest.
Fear pricked like a knife at her tender heart as he looked like he might push her away, his eyes revealing the battle still going on in his mind. But a moment later he was kissing her softly, and his hands gently guided her to lay down on the bed. His weight soon covered her, and she wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him as she cried into the the soft caress of his lips.
"...And reports from around the world today have the death toll at over 11,000..."
Day 85
Shego emerged from Drakken's bathroom with her wet hair wrapped in a towel and his robe surrounding her body. She had all but moved into his room while taking care of him, and by that point it just made sense to shower there too. She could keep a better eye on him that way.
To her relief and joy, he seemed to need less and less watching with each passing day. For the last two days he had voluntarily left his bed to shower—actually shower, not sit in a bath—and returned both times not looking like the effort of simply standing upright had sapped all of his energy. He had started eating more too, and that morning had eaten what could almost be considered a normal-portioned breakfast for a man of his size.
As Shego crossed the room to the laundry pile for some clean clothes, she glanced at him. He had put on sweat pants and a t-shirt after his shower, and combed his hair but not tied it back. It was still slightly damp, the ends wetting the shoulders of his shirt. He sat cross-legged on the bed on top of the covers and was intently studying something on the laptop screen. If he weren't still so thin and pale, she might not have known he was sick.
Shego smiled softly and took off his robe, tossing it onto the bed. She watched him glance at it and then her, and then do a double-take as she bent over the laundry pile. Her body, still wet from the shower, glistened as she searched amid the various clean sheets and his clothes for her own. Knowing he was watching her almost made her forget about the white scars that dotted her skin.
When she found a large t-shirt and straightened up, the look he gave her pulled a laugh out of her chest. Something between shock and lust and annoyance was in his eyes as he stared at her, slack-jawed and arms hanging limply at his sides.
She pulled the comfortable t-shirt over her head and shook her wet hair out, and then set about finding her underwear and pajama pants. Drakken let out a loud, shaky sigh.
"Shego..." he whined.
She chuckled again, her lips twisting into a smirk.
"What?" she asked innocently.
He had risen up to his knees, the laptop sliding away and almost off the edge of the bed. Her voice brought him back to awareness and he sat down quickly with a low growl, crossing his arms as his eyes narrowed in frustration.
"Don't worry, I'm coming," she assured him as she slipped into her pants.
"Then why'd you get dressed!" he snapped.
Her smirk grew. "You could stand to learn a little patience."
He grabbed fistfuls of the blanket he sat on and yanked it up to his knees, his knuckles whitening. He pinched his eyes shut as he turned his face toward the ceiling. "I don't want to be patient!" he protested.
Shego knelt on the bed and started crawling toward him.
"Someone's feeling better," she quipped.
Drakken reached over and hurriedly closed the laptop cover, pushing the device further out of the way on the bed and then opened his arms to her.
"What? Got something to hide?"
His annoyance apparently had faded, and he smirked at her. "I'm giving you my full attention."
"Good. Because I miss being close to you."
She saw him blush as she started propping pillows up against the headboard, and then he scooted back to sit up against them. After their tearful make-out session a few days earlier, something was definitely different between them. And in that moment she didn't feel any apprehension about their undefined relationship. She snuggled into his side and he settled his arms around her, squeezing her affectionately before frowning at her wet hair.
"Haven't you heard of a blow-dryer?"
"And have my hair break up and fall out? No thanks."
She watched his eyes turn up toward his hairline as his brow furrowed in concern, and she shook with silent laughter.
The TV was on as always, and Shego looked at it through half-lidded eyes as her head dropped on Drakken's shoulder.
"Anything new? Like a vaccine, or a miracle cure?"
Drakken shook his head, glancing briefly at the laptop before sighing. "More countries have quarantined... And those that haven't have ordered people to stay away from each other. I think...we can get used to living like this."
Shego felt a familiar pang and darkness in her heart. She forced the enslaving thoughts away before they could take hold by sliding her hand down Drakken's chest. He blinked at her in surprise as her hand reached his waist and then after a pause moved lower still with purpose.
"Ohhhh..." he groaned, tossing his head back and bumping it hard into the headboard. He didn't even react. "Shego..."
"I think someone's definitely feeling better," she grinned as she climbed over his lap to face him.
He looked at her and fairly snarled as he dug his fingers into her thighs. "You shouldn't have gotten dressed!"