A/N: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE. Returning to school hit me like a truck and I've had a lot of trouble getting my regular routine back on track, which is really stressful for me. But I'm back now, I hope! I think from here on out expect updates once every two weeks. It's a little easier to manage until my schedule works itself back out and I fall into a new routine. Anyways, here's some angst and fluff mixed all together along with your daily reminder that James Potter is the most wholesome human on the planet
The first weeks of term passed quickly and uneventfully for Lily. Aside from some small incidents with pure-blood students (and, okay, mostly it was Snape and his gang of idiots), the beginning of September was full of school work, James Potter, and not much else. Quidditch had begun too, of course – and now that Lily was both roommates with Marlene and sort-of-dating James she found herself at almost every Gryffindor practice. She didn't mind much, she found with surprise. She had always enjoyed Quidditch well enough – but something about it was different when it was her almost-boyfriend flying around and looking spectacular.
Plus, the Marauders would often sneak into Hogsmeade after practices for a round of butterbeer, and they'd let her use the Map to keep lookout. She had been disapproving at first – but honeslty, it was their last year and what would happen if they were caught? It wasn't as though she had parents to tell, anymore. Plus, Madame Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks didn't mind when they came through. If anything, she seemed to find the four Marauders charming.
At the moment, she was sitting on the Quidditch stands with Remus, Peter, and Mary as the noise of practice buzzed around them. James had retained his Quidditch captaincy along with his Head Boy badge, and he was currently ordering Sirius and Marlene – the team's two beaters – around.
Remus had his Transfiguration book open on his lap. They were supposed to be studying together during the practice – Lily was already feeling up to her forehead in school work and James was the least helpful person when it came to studying, really. Studying had quickly devolved, though – Lily was feeling off, anxious and sad and who-knew-what-else. She wasn't even really sure why, except the obvious – the world was horrid, her parents were dead, and her sister hated her.
"Alright?" Remus muttered from beside her. She turned her head to face him, doing her best to smile. Remus looked worn and tired, too. So did most of them, if she were being honest. Tension in the school was thick, especially after their first publication made its rounds. There hadn't been any fallout about it yet, but Lily was sure it was still to come. Even the Marauders were cautious – uncharactersitically for them, they hadn't pulled a single prank yet this year.
"Yeah," Lily responded. Remus put his arm around her and squeezed in a quick hug.
"They're done," he said as he let go. Sure enough, the Gryffindor team had landed and were heading towards their change rooms. The group of four stood – Lily followed Remus down from the stands and onto the pitch.
She drew her sweater around her as they reached the ground. It was beginning to get dark earlier, and she hadn't expected it to feel so cold this early in the evening. Lily shifted closer to Remus. His body temperature always ran warm, perhaps because of what he was – she wasn't sure, but either way, she had often used him as a source of warmth during the chilly Hogwarts winters over the years.
"Cold?" asked a voice from behind her. James was standing just behind her, followed a few paces behind by Sirius and Marlene, who were speaking in excited voices. She wasn't sure how she hadn't heard him come up behind her. Perhaps she had just been too absorbed in shivering to notice.
"A little," she said with a genuine smile this time. She brushed her hair back from her face self-consciously. James always managed to make her feel self-conscious in a way she never had before.
"Too bad you're not a witch," he said with a quirked lip. "Then you'd be able to use a spell to warm yourself, and that would just be cheating."
Lily huffed in annoyance, feeling stupid. Of course she could have used a spell, but even after all these years sometimes she still forgot that she could just…do things. Just like that, with the wave of a wand. It seemed too easy.
"Berk," she settled for saying. She gave James a playful slap across his chest, smiling in spite of herself.
"You're supposed to offer her a jacket," Sirius said as he and Marlene approached. He stooped low in a swooping bow before swinging his jacket off his shoulders and holding it out to Lily. Normally Lily would have taken it, just to make fun of James, but –
"Get that away from me!" she squealed. "That smells."
Sirius just shrugged. "Blood, sweat, and tears, Evans. That's what it takes to make a Quidditch player like me."
"A little shower every once in a while wouldn't hurt, either," cackled Peter. This earned a snort from Mary and even a giggle from Marlene.
"It's true," Marlene said, flashing Lily a grin, "We work so well together because I can always smell him on the pitch."
Sirius gasped in horror and collapsed to his knees. "You wound me, McKinnon." Marlene simply rolled her eyes while Remus reached out an arm to help him up.
It was sort of funny, Lily acknowledged. She was also pretty sure the show from Black was mostly because she had seemed off lately – not that he needed an excuse to be dramatic, but still. In fact, she could see both Peter and James watching her. Peter just out of the corner of his eye, but James had both his eyes on her. She tried for a smile, to act as if she had been laughing the whole time, but couldn't help but feel that she was failing miserably.
"Why don't we skip the butterbeers today, so Smelly over here can bathe?" James asked. He smiled at Sirius teasingly, but his gaze quickly darted back to Lily. She looked down at her shoes, unsure how to act.
"Oi!" Sirius said, but everyone else was already laughing.
"I think we have some stuff in the dorm anyways," Remus said.
The group started moving back towards the castle, more subdued than they typically were after a practice. Lily couldn't help but feel that it was somehow her fault, that she was dragging down the atmosphere of the group. Marlene's arm was around her shoulders, the taller girl holding her tightly which she found comforting. James was on her other side – she tried to ignore the feeling in her stomach every time their hands brushed as they walked.
It was nice being with everyone, usually. But right now she wanted nothing more than to just curl up in her bed with a good book – or maybe with Marlene to talk about how she was feeling.
"I'm thinking about skipping this one out," Marlene said into Lily's ear suddenly. "Just going back to our dorm and starting some school work. What do you think?"
Lily nodded. "I'll join you," she said to Marlene, then turned to James. "I think I'll go back to our dormitory with Marlene," she said to him. She didn't miss the disappointed look that flashed across his face, although he hid it quickly. Strangely, it made her chest warm. "I just need some rest, I think."
"Alright," James said, his usual charming smile already back on his lips. "If there's anything I can do for you…."
"I'll let you know," she said.
The rest of the walk to the Gryffindor common room was quiet, except for whatever small argument Sirius and Remus were having, but Lily couldn't hear them well enough to pick up on the details. She was surprised and pleased, however, when James leaned over to brush his lips across her cheek before she and Marlene parted ways with the group. She could feel herself blushing furiously, and knew Marlene noticed.
Marlene jumped on Lily's bed as soon as they entered their room. Alice was nowhere in sight, likely off somewhere writing to Frank, and Mary was still with the boys and Peter. Lily threw herself down beside Marlene, so they were lying side-by-side facing the top of her four-poster.
"I saw that," Marlene teased in a singsong voice. Lily's face heated even more.
"The whole common room probably saw it," she grumbled, although she wasn't really upset. She mostly felt off – a weird combination of melancholy and sad and giddy at James's sort-of-kiss.
"Still!" Marlene squealed. "He needs to ask you out and be done with it, already."
Lily shrugged self-consciously. She didn't really want to talk about it, if she were being honest. Because really – why hadn't he asked her out yet?
"What's wrong, really?" Marlene asked. Lily had been silent for too long.
"I just-" she paused, searching for words. "I just want to be able to tell my parents," she said, then. "About James, about Operation Daily Prophet, about the lot of it, really. About Snape being an arse and Black being not-so-bad. About my classes, even."
"Oh Lils," Marlene sighed. "I'm sorry." Marlene's hand gripped her own suddenly. "I know it's not the same, but you could write to my mum, you know. She loves you."
Lily turned to smile softly at Marlene. "I think I'll do that, actually," she said. It wasn't the same, not even close, but maybe it would help satisfy her need to have an adult looking out for her. "I just wish this year could be normal."
"Me too," Marlene said quietly. "Me too."
They talked until there was nothing left to talk about, drawing the curtains of the bed closed when Alice and Mary came in. The other two knew better than to be upset by this, Lily and Marlene did it often through the years when they were upset – greatly preferring the company of each other. By the time they drifted off to sleep, Lily felt almost peaceful.
Her inner peace lasted through part of the next day – all the way through potions with Snape and Herbology, which Lily secretly hated although she was quite good at. Right up until lunch, actually, when she found herself on the way to the Great Hall with Sirius, Remus, and James – Marlene, Peter, and Mary having had Care of Magical Creatures before lunch while they had had Arithmancy.
James was saying something about Hogsmeade the next month – their first Hogsmeade trip of seventh year – and a prank the Marauders were going to pull on Filch as he checked permission slips. Lily personally thought it was quite risky to prank Filch of all people, but it wasn't as though she could stop them.
They turned a corner into a quiet side corridor on the second floor – it was hardly used, but James and Sirius were convinced it was a faster way to the Great Hall. It was as if, upon passing into the hallway, they had passed through a barrier of some sort. Suddenly, they could all hear laughter. Laughter and sobs.
James was the first to take off running, followed by Sirius. Lily started to follow, but was stopped by Remus' hand on her arm. "It's Snape. Snape and Regulus and some others." He was holding the enchanted map – the Marauders Map – in his hand.
"Shit," Lily breathed. Anger was boiling her blood, but she was concerned, too, for how Sirius would react. She and Remus took of running as well, almost at the same time.
Following the sounds took them down two more corridors – these were clearly never used, lined with locked classrooms and crumbling stone. Sirius and James were at the very end of the corridor, shouting at the backs of some retreating Slytherins. Before the group turned the corner, Lily identified Snape easily – she knew him like the back of her hand, after all. A sick feeling twisted in her stomach.
She pulled up short just behind Remus, breath coming in short gasps as she struggled to catch it. Remus had the map open again, likely watching the path the retreating Slytherins were taking. He had a hand on Sirius' arm, as if to stop him from chasing after them.
"Lily," James said. "Come here."
He was in the classroom on the left side of the corridor, so she stepped in, too, nudging the door open wider as she went. The first thing she saw when she entered was James kneeling on the floor. The next thing she saw was the broken body he was kneeling over. She couldn't hold back a gasp.
"She's alright," James said, turning to face her. "She had some broken ribs. I just put her to sleep. I don't know if I can fix them." His hand came up to rub the hair on his head agitatedly.
"Let me see," she said, stepping closer. The girl was small – tiny, even for a first year, and wearing Slytherin robes. Lily cast a quick diagnostic spell. James was right, she had some broken ribs and was in shock, but nothing worse.
"What happened?" she asked. Then, turning her wand to the girl's ribs, she said softly, "Brakium emendo." It didn't heal her ribs completely, the diagnostic spell showed, but they were a sight better than they were before. "Ferulo," she cast, watching the magical bandages wrap around the girl's midsection. It didn't escape her notice that James was silent, avoiding her question.
"We need to get her to Madame Pomfrey," she said, turning to him, then. He looked upset, more upset than she had ever seen him.
"I'll take her," he said. "And get Dumbledore and Slughorn, too. D'you think – could you stay here and wait for us to come back? Stay with Sirius?"
The look he gave her was pleading. "Are you alright?" she asked instead.
"No, I'm not," he responded. Lily was surprised, almost, at his candidness. "But Sirius is worse, and this girl is worst of all. I just – need to help her."
"Alright," Lily said quietly. They were both still bent over the girl. She leaned back slowly – leaned into James despite herself. "We should wake her first. She shouldn't be in much pain."
James nodded and cast the counterspell to his sleeping charm. Lily didn't recognize the spell – tried to remind herself to ask him about it later. The girl stirred slowly and blinked her eyes open, recoiling immediately when she set eyes on James and Lily.
"It's alright," James was the first one to speak. "You're alright. I'm James and this is Lily. Is it alright if I take you to Madame Pomfrey."
The girl's eyes simply widened, and she shook her head. Lily tried to supress a sigh and shifted to sit cross-legged beside the girl, nudging James to do the same.
"I'm Head Girl," Lily said, "and James is Head Boy. We want to help, but we need to take you to Madame Pomfrey. If you'd like, I can conjure a stretcher so James can take you without touching you." The girl shook her head emphatically again.
"I could bring Madame Pomfrey here?" James asked. His hand was ruffling through his hair again – the girl was watching his jerky movements, clearly fearful. Gently as she could, Lily took the hand that was in his hair in both of hers, not letting go when he dropped it to his side. He gave her a wobbly smile that warmed her, despite the circumstances.
The girl shook her head "no" again. Lily sighed. "Just go get Pomfrey," she said. "I'll sit with her."
He nodded and squeezed her hand before standing up. The small girl flinched as he stood but otherwise didn't react. She could hear hushed voices as James exited into the corridor outside before Remus and Sirius entered the room. The girl made a small squeak.
"What's your name?" Lily tried as the boys approached them. The girl just shook her head again.
"Don't want to talk?" Remus asked. He sat down beside Lily. She could feel Sirius hovering somewhere behind them.
The girl shook her head again, but Remus just smiled in response. "That's alright. Are you muggleborn?"
For the first time, the girl nodded her head – although it was only slight, and she was regarding Remus with fearful eyes.
"So is Lily," Remus said. Lily tried to give an encouraging smile to the girl, but was sure it came out more as a grimace. "And my mum's muggle," Remus continued. The girl seemed to relax, now. She was looking back and forth between Remus and Lily with wide eyes. Slowly, she reached out to touch Remus' arm. It took Lily a moment to realize she was touching the scar there – a scar that Remus explained away as a dog bite, but that she and the Marauder's knew was the bite of Fenrir Greyback.
Instead of looking alarmed, Remus smiled down at the girl. Lily felt warmth grow in her chest for him. "When I was very small I got attacked," he said gently. She jumped slightly as a hand came down in her peripheral vision to land on Remus' shoulder, but it was just Sirius. Remus seemed to ignore it. "It was scary, and I got this scar. But I'm alright now, see?"
The girl tugged on Remus' arm. He leaned down, seeming to sense what she wanted, bending his head close until his ear was next to her mouth. She must have said something, because he smiled softly at her before shaking Sirius' hand off his shoulder so he could move to sit next to the girl.
After a moment, Lily decided to leave them to it. Especially once she looked and Black properly and saw the look on his face for the first time that night. He looked…almost destroyed.
"Black," she muttered, "Come on." She grabbed him by the arm before waiting for a response, drawing him from the classroom. He followed silently as she lead him through the back corridors of Hogwarts, looking for a specific place.
Finally, after a fair amount of doubling back and feeling lost, she found it. The fourth floor secret passage. Without preamble, she pushed the mirror aside and pulled Sirius in behind her, lighting blue-bottle flames for each of them.
"What is it?" she asked, pulling him to the ground beside her. "Something happened that you didn't mention before, what is it?"
"Don't think Dumbledore will be thrilled to find the Head Girl ran off from the scene of the crime for someone like me," his tone was angry – aggressive, almost.
"Remus and James can handle it well enough," she responded, doing her best to keep from rising to his bait even though his comment had irked her. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"
"Eloquent, Evans," he said, but she felt him slump beside her.
"I know you're not angry at me," she said in response. "So what is it, then?"
He sighed. "Do you think…do you think we may be doing more harm than good?"
"What do you mean?" Lily asked. She turned to face him, crossing her legs underneath herself. He gave her a wavering smile as she did so, before turning to study his blue bottle flame. He had let his hair grow out over the summer, it grazed his shoulders and shrouded his face in black waves so she couldn't see his expression.
"Reg, he-" Sirius sniffed, almost as if he was crying. Lily put a tentative hand against his shoulder, surprised when he didn't immediately push it away. "He said that it was our fault. That Snape and his gang were targeting muggleborns because of our stupid paper."
"They would have anyways," Lily said with a sigh. She was shocked that they had figured out so quickly that the Marauders were part of Operation Daily Prophet. None of them had hidden their involvement, of course, but none of them had advertised it either. Lily was fairly sure none of the teachers even knew who was behind it. But of course Snape would suspect the Marauders, he always did.
"Would they?" Sirius asked. His voice was so full of self-loathing it startled even Lily, who was quite sure she was accustomed to all the Sirius Black moods in existence.
"They would. He only said anything to make you feel…well, feel like this," she said, more confidently than she felt. "Avery and Mulciber are gone but I bet they left Se- Snape a nice list of people to terrorize. We're doing something good, I know we are."
They sat for a moment in silence before Sirius raised his head abruptly. His eyes were red, as if he had been crying. "I need to ask you something," he said. He turned to face her, causing her hand to fall from his shoulder, so they were sitting with their legs crossed and knees touching.
"What is it?" she asked, feeling oddly anxious. She had never seen Sirius, well – so serious about something.
He took a deep breath that looked fortifying before he spoke. "Do you think I'd be like him. If I were in Slytherin, I mean. Do you think I'd be like Regulus?"
Whatever she had been expecting, and she wasn't sure what she was expecting, really, it wasn't this. She held her hands out between them – Sirius only hesitated a moment before taking them. She squeezed tightly.
"I know you wouldn't be like Regulus," she said confidently. She was confident, too. Whatever Sirius Black was, he wasn't a person who went around tormenting children for the fun of it.
"You can't know that, though," he said, as if prepared for her answer. His hands were on hers like a vice grip. "It's just one thing. Just a measly difference of sorting. If I were a Slytherin, if I were around them, I'd be just like him."
"You wouldn't – I know that for sure," Lily responded, feeling suddenly fiercely protective. "You would not be anything like them. You know how I know?" he shook his head slightly, barely a movement, eyes focused on her.
"I know because being a Gryffindor doesn't make you a good person. There are plenty of vile Gryffindors. You've made so many choices to become the person you are now and none of those have to do with your house." She squeezed his hands back. "If you were going to be like them, you'd be running around with them regardless of your house. Alright?"
She wasn't sure how it happened, but suddenly Sirius was crying – really crying, hand still gripping hers hard. She disentangled herself carefully, crawling forward to lay her arms around him in a sort of awkward hug. She had never seen a boy cry before (except Remus, but she hardly counted him) and wasn't really sure what to do. But he leaned into her embrace, let her stroke his hair carefully while she tried not to break down herself simply because everything was too much.
It could have been minutes or hours later when the passageway door opened behind them. Sirius was leaning on her shoulder. The tears had worked themselves out, mostly, except for the occasional hiccup. He didn't move when it opened.
"Alright?" asked a voice she recognized as Peter's.
"Been better," Sirius said wanly. He had an arm around Lily's shoulders, which he squeezed before disentangling himself. "How's the girl?"
He had clearly been crying, but the other three boys didn't seem to mind when they stepped into view. Remus sad down beside Sirius on the passage floor almost immediately, taking his hand. "She's alright," he said, as Sirius absently played with his fingers. Lily was almost amused, although she couldn't quite figure out why. "Madame Pomfrey fixed her right up. Her parents are coming to pick her up any minute now."
"Pick her up?" Lily asked.
"She's going home. I heard Dumbledore talking about Beauxbatons before I left. Sounds like she might go there instead," Remus said with a sigh.
"And the group that hurt her?" Lily asked, feeling her anger build – at the world, at the situation, at a young girl being scared away from Hogwarts simply because she was born to Muggle parents.
Remus gave her a careful look from Sirius' other side. "Two months' detention and banned from Hogsmeade for the year." Sirius let out a sudden, harsh exhale as if he had been hit.
"That's it?" Lily asked. She sounded calm, but it was as if it wasn't her. As if someone else had taken control of her body and mind and she was just watching, consumed by anger and fear and dread.
"You know Dumbledore," James said with a harsh sigh. "Believes in second chances."
Sirius scoffed thickly. "And third, and fourth, and fifth.."
"It's shite," Peter said. "He's never been harsh enough, especially not on Snivellus. They should have been expelled!"
"Suspended at least," said James. He sounded tired – more tired than Lily had ever heard him. She wanted to reach out to him, to say something, but it felt as if she were far away from everyone – down a long tunnel from the rest of the world.
"He's barmy," Pete said firmly. "Too old for the job, I reckon. McGonagall would have dealt with it properly."
She saw, still from a distance, James give Peter a wan smile. "Maybe," he said. "I think Dumbledore is doing the best he can. Imagine the uproar if he expelled a bunch of Slytherin's all together."
"Yeah?" Pete asked. He sounded angry, more angry that Lily had ever heard him, even. "Well there won't be any uproar for any of the muggleborn or half-blood kids who are hurt while those bastards run around the school."
James opened his mouth as if he were about to speak, then closed it again, nodding at Peter instead. "You're right, Pete. I didn't think. I'll speak with Dumbledore tomorrow. Maybe dad, too, since he's on the Hogwarts Board of Governors. Someone should be looking out for the muggleborns."
"I think it's time we go somewhere more cheerful," Remus said. "Dorms, anyone?"
Peter nodded eagerly, and Sirius smiled at Remus before whispering something in his ear. They stood, but Lily couldn't seem to get up along with them. She still felt far away.
"You lads go," she heard James say. "I'll catch up with you."
Suddenly his hands were in front of her, pulling her to her feet and to his side as they watched the other three walk through the passage door. Sirius' hand was still in Remus's, both leaned in together. Pete was on Remus' side – he gave a quick glance back with a small smile for James.
"We're letting them come to terms with it," James said, squeezing her around her shoulders.
"Remus and Sirius," he said carefully. "They fancy each other, it's pretty obvious."
It was like her mind came back to her body all at once. Lily was slammed with all the emotion she had been keeping at back. Through the waves of sadness and pain, all she could say was. "Uh, they what?"
It was the wrong thing. James turned to her, looking cautious and almost angry. "Look, you don't have a problem with it do you? Because if you do-"
"No!" she exclaimed hurriedly. She could feel her face burning. "I don't care – I mean, I do, but not like that. I just…" She trailed off, feeling everything building in her chest become more than she could handle. To her mortification, she burst into tears.
She felt James gather her up in his arms. "Shit Lils, I'm really sorry," he said as she cried into her chest. "I thought you were staring at them because- of course you wouldn't care, of course this was terrible timing. I'm an idiot."
Despite herself, Lily felt giggles build in her chest. Soon, she was laughing and crying all at once, although even to her ears it sounded hysterical. James didn't comment on it, he just held her until she calmed.
"It's just too much," she said finally.
"Of course it is," James said into her ear. "Everything you've been through, it would be too much for anyone."
She couldn't say anything, just nodded numbly into his chest.
"Thank you for taking care of him," he said, after a moment. "Sirius, I mean."
"Of course," she said. She understood, sort of, what he meant. It often seemed like he and Sirius were brothers, but somehow more. Maybe that was just what it was like when your best friend was also your brother, though – Lily certainly had no idea.
"I was thinking we could maybe go to the kitchens," James said, then. "I bet they have ice cream. Or hot chocolate. And we haven't eaten, so maybe we can just have ice cream and hot chocolate for dinner. I'm sure the elves wouldn't mind."
In spite of herself, Lily giggled again – properly this time. She separated herself from James slightly so she could look up at him. His hair was everywhere, skin dark in the dim lighting, but his eyes were brighter than ever in comparison.
"I'm sorry," she said suddenly, becoming aware of her warm, tear-streaked face and her puffy eyes. "I must look frightful."
James' hand ghosted her cheek. "You look beautiful."
Lily could feel her heart beating hard in her chest, felt as if she were running a marathon. "I bet you say that to all the girls," she forced herself to say.
James let out an amused huff that wasn't quite a laugh. "Only to Sirius – and don't tell him I think you're beautiful. He gets jealous."
Lily smacked his arm lightly but before she could say anything else James had leaned into her, crowding her against the wall behind her. Her eyes shut automatically as his lips grazed hers. He pulled back too quickly. She could hear his heart racing as fast as hers. Feeling bold for a moment, she reached up and grabbed his shirt, keeping him from moving back.
"Oh?" James asked, sounding dazed. She didn't wait for him to say anything else, instead pulling him back down towards her again.
This time, when his lips met hers, he didn't pull away. Instead, he pushed closer. Lily felt him move his hands, one in her hair, the other lightly on her hip. She slowly let her grip of his shirt go to lay her hands flat on his chest.
His lips became more forceful on hers – she let hers open under the pressure, grazed his lower lip with her tongue. He leaned in close to her, his chest pressing up against hers and she had almost stopped thinking – when her stomach grumbling caused James to pull away abruptly.
"Okay," he said breathlessly. "Wow."
"Wow?" she asked. She definitely sounded more composed than she felt, because she didn't feel composed at all. She was shaking, nerves on fire with want and she wasn't really sure what to do except to kiss him more, now.
"Wow," he said again. "We need to get you some food."
She snorted despite herself. She had to admit, she was hungry. "I'm not ready for the real world yet," she said instead. It was true – she didn't want to face anyone else. Not right now, when she was feeling so fragile and, apparently, had just finished snogging James Potter.
"Not the real world," he said, "Just the kitchens." He brushed his lips against her cheek.
"This always happens when I'm upset," Lily said with a sigh, despite a voice in her mind telling her to just shut up and go with James.
"What does?" he asked. He took a step back so he was no longer leaning over her. She missed the warmth immediately.
"You know what I mean," she said instead.
He sighed, ran a hand through his hair. "I don't- are you saying you'd like me to kiss you more? Or not at all?"
He looked so confused she couldn't help but smile. "Which do you think, you berk?" Lily asked lightly.
"I'm not sure," James said – and was she imagining it, or did his voice sound shaky? "I'm hoping you mean you'd like me to kiss you more, because I'd like to kiss you more."
She stepped toward him, filling the empty space, needing to be as close as she could. "Yeah," Lily said. "That's what I meant."
"Well, then," said James, his usual charming smile back. "Your wish is my command." He winked at her, so she slapped him on the arm. Just because she wanted him to kiss her didn't mean he wasn't infuriating.
"Food first," she added, when he didn't move.
"Of course," he said. "After you."
He gave her a mock dramatic bow, gesturing toward the exit of the passage. She laughed – for real, this time.
Maybe the world was ending, and they were all sad and everything was horrible and Lily was horribly alone and didn't know how to go on. Maybe nothing was worth it anymore. But at least James Potter wanted to kiss her as much as she wanted to kiss him.