Author's note: This episode's probably the longest one yet. I also tried to add a fight scene (though it might be mediocre). Enjoy.
(The Legionaries notice Shaydon's been disappearing a lot lately. Their search for him leads to quite the discovery.)
The Legionaries (sans Shaydon) are gathered around a table. Chenjala looks a little hungover.
Drake: Before this meeting begins, I'd like to say…(glares at Enzo) Enzo, you're never buying any drugs without our permission ever again.
Chenjala growls at Enzo.
Enzo: Frick.
Drake: Anyway, the reason we're gathered here is because Shaydon's gone missing.
Avery: Y'know, it feels like he's been disappearing a lot lately.
Gaxon: Fortunately, while we do not know exactly where he has gone, I could use clairvoyance to determine what direction he has departed in. We simply require one of Shaydon's posse-
Avery zooms offscreen, and returns with one of Shaydon's kunais.
Avery: Will this work?
Gazon: This will suffice.
He grabs the kunai and concentrates.
Gaxon: (points northeast) He traveled in that direction.
Drametha: So, he's in the UK. Now, how are we going to get to him?
Avery: Shut up and get in the van!
He shoves everyone into the Legionmobile, shoves it into a cannon, then gets in, launching everyone to the UK. Thanks to his toon physics, they're unharmed by the impact, and stumble their way out.
Duchy of Ranalia, 1:00 PM
Drake: Ugh...warn us the next time you do that.
Drametha: Here we are...Ranalia. Home to the Ranal race.
Enzo: A'ight, we're here. What are we gonna do n-holy frick, look at dat ass!
He approaches a regally dressed Ranal, and grabs her from behind.
Enzo: Mind tellin' us where our friend is, good lookin'? I'll make it worth y-
She kicks him in the groin.
Ranal: Unhand me, lech.
Enzo falls to his knees.
Enzo: Ow, my-
Avery picks him up and throws him straight into the castle.
Avery: Begone, Ass Eater! Okay, now that that asshole's outta your hair, you mind if we ask a few questions?
Ranal: Um...okay, then.
Avery: (pulls out a crayon drawing of Shaydon brooding) Have you seen this man?
Ranal: Oh, him? That's my partner Shaydon.
Chenjala: Shaydon's dark, mysterious secret is...a girlfriend?
Ranal: You must be Avery and his other friends. I am Lauren Ipsa, Duchess of Ranalia.
Avery: Nice to meetcha, Your Grace! You're lucky to have ol' Shade, just lettin' you know.
Gaxon: On the subject of Shaydon, we need to know his current location.
Lauren: (somber) Oh...my mother recently discovered our interspecies relationship...he's currently held prisoner on her orders.
Drametha: But as the duchess, can't you simply pardon him?
Lauren: Mother has forbidden me. I'm honorbound to obey. (she has a realization) Although...she did not forbid me from allowing someone else to break Shaydon out.
Avery: Whoo! Don't you just love loopholes?
Drake: Alright, it's settled. We'll enter the castle with your permission and set Shaydon free. (dramatically points up to the sky) Legionaries, legionize!
Lauren looks up, confused as to what he's pointing at.
Drametha: It's his catchphrase. He does this every time we set out on an adventure.
The Legionaries and Lauren proceed to the castle's entrance. A few guards block the way.
Lauren: Stand down, everyone. They are guests.
The guards do as told, and the Legionaries enter.
Meanwhile, in the castle's basement, the Grand Duchess of Ranalia is conversing with a battered and smitten Enzo.
Grand Duchess: So, you are a member of these…"Legionaries"?
Enzo: Yup.
Grand Duchess: And you are disturbingly eager to betray them?
Enzo: Anything for a pretty babe like you!
Grand Duchess: You are fortunate my husband has passed, Troll. You may possess valuable knowledge on my daughter's...Yamixian lover.
Enzo: You mean Shaydon?
Grand Duchess: Yes...him. The Legionaries are likely planning on breaking him out as we speak.
Enzo: Want me to be your white knight, baby?
Grand Duchess: That would be appreciated. Now, as for our other guest...
Familiar Spanish voice: Don't worry, Su Alteza Real. My traps should make quick work of them. You won't even need to lift a webbed finger.
Meanwhile, the Legionaries and Lauren are browsing the castle's prison for Shaydon's cell.
Chenjala: So, how long have you known Shaydon?
Lauren: A few months, actually. I met him when he was out doing assassin work. I encountered an enemy assassin, and subdued them with a well-placed kick. Shaydon had apparently been hired by a commoner to protect me, and was intrigued to see me defeat the enemy assassin before he even arrived. We bonded over our mutual interest in thanatology, and eventually...our relationship grew deeper.
Chenjala: Aw, how sweet, you fell in love...over death and gore.
Drametha: You don't have the right to judge her. You find blood enamoring.
Drake: So, uh...what can you do?
Lauren: Aside from being a master kickboxer? You see, we Ranals can secret an antibacterial mucus from our hands-
Avery: -like soap?
Lauren: Yes. And much like soap, through training, we can learn to shape our mucus into bubbles. They're highly resilient to non-piercing weapons, and with a moment of concentration, we can make them burst.
Avery: Niiiice. Hey, I think I see Shaydon's cell!
The group approach Shaydon's cell.
Lauren: Shaydon!
Shaydon: Lauren! Looks like you met my friends, huh?
Avery: Yep! Now, let's get you outta this stone ocean!
Suddenly, gas begins to pour into the room.
Drake: Damn! They knew we'd be here!
Avery: Why, Drake?! Why didn't you see this c-
They all fall unconscious. When the group come to, they're all in cells, with Shaydon and Lauren nowhere to be found.
Drake: Ugh...yep. Should've seen that coming.
Familiar Spanish voice: All according to plan. (chuckle)
Drake: Zito.
Zito Bandito: That's right, enemigo! The Grand Duchess paid me to set up gifts for you! You like 'em?
Avery: I'm gonna kick your ass! (begins banging on the glass) ...just as soon as I can get outta here.
Zito Bandito: You fool...the glass is enchanted!
He laughs and walks away.
Avery: What could they be doin' to Shaydon and Lauren?
Gaxon: Likely an act of chronic and sustained cruelty.
Cut to the throne room, where the Grand Duchess has positioned Shaydon's cell above a vat of acid, and forced Lauren to watch. Enzo's clad in a suit of armor, simping after his new lady.
Grand Duchess: You have stolen my daughter's heart, Yamixian scum. Now, I will steal your life. Lower his cell!
A guard pulls a lever, causing Shaydon's cell to slowly descend towards the acid.
Lauren: Mother, you mustn't! He-
Grand Duchess: He is sub-Ranal, Lauren. You were a fool to love him. Come to think of it, you were a fool since the day I laid you. No, you are not simply a fool. You are mere dirt. A waste of oxygen. You are no daughter of mine.
That last statement echoes in Lauren's mind. Gradually, her somber expression changes to a determined one as she realizes that, since she's been disowned, she's technically no longer honorbound to obey her mother.
Lauren: Thank you.
Grand Duchess: No, wait-
Lauren delivers a jump kick to Shaydon's cell with enough force to slam it into a wall, busting it open.
Shaydon: You've still got it. (chuckle)
Grand Duchess: Troll! Stop them!
Enzo: Get rekt, bois! ELELELELELELE-
Shaydon throws a ball of dark energy at Enzo's arm, causing a shell of dark matter to form around it.
Enzo: Ow, my arm! It's cool. I could kick your asses with one hand, anyway!
He tries (very poorly) to aim his rifle with one hand, and Lauren produces a bubble in response.
Enzo: Wait…a bubble? Seriously, a bubble? (laughs hysterically) How...how the frick are you gonna hurt me with that?
Lauren kicks the bubble like a soccer ball, sending it flying into Enzo and trapping him in it.
Enzo: What the hell?
He attempts to shoot his way out of the bubble, but fails.
Enzo: What kinda bubble is this?
Lauren: So long, Arse Eater!
The bubble begins to float up to the ceiling as Enzo uselessly bangs on it.
Grand Duchess: Utter imbecile...guards! Seize them!
(Cue battle music: https/m./watch?v=cpNcZ_fRIJ8)
Shaydon and Lauren stand back to back as waves of guards pour into the room.
Guards: Sorry, Your Grace. Her Royal Highness' orders!
Shaydon: I think we can take them. You think we can take them?
Lauren: You always think we can take them.
Shaydon: Yes, I do.
Lauren: Then let's do this.
Meanwhile, the other Legionaries are working on escaping their cells.
Avery: What are we gonna do? Our powers are useless on these things!
Drametha: (summons the Prometheus) Who says we need powers to bust out?
She begins to slam the sides of her cell, causing it to swing until it breaks off its chain. The other Legionaries do the same, and succeed as well.
Drake: Alright, let's move out!
They head down the hall and run into Zito, who's munching on a bag of Zitos.
Zito Bandito: Uh...wasn't expecting it to be that easy. Regardless, welcome to your doom, Legionaries!
Several guards pass them and run into the throne room.
Zito Bandito: What the hell-
The Legionaries barrel past him.
Zito Bandito: Hey, come back here! I'm not finished with you!
The Legionaries enter the throne room to find Shaydon and Lauren fighting off several guards. Lauren's delivering several refined kicks, while Shaydon's unleashing a flurry of katana slashes.
Drake: Mind if we join the fun?
Shaydon: Go right ahead.
All of the Legionaries proceed to unite alongside Lauren, though more and more guards are pouring in.
Drametha: Lauren, are your bubbles conductive?
Lauren: Yes, why do you ask?
Drametha: Drake?
Drake: Way ahead of you, kid.
He forms a lightning spell in his hand.
Getting the idea, Lauren pirouettes, producing a cyclone of bubbles around the Legionaries. Drake fires the lightning spell at one bubble, and the electricity quickly arcs to the other bubbles, forming a minefield of electrified bubbles, making short work of the remaining guards. With all the guards gone, Drake dispels the lightning. Suddenly, Zito arrives with a tommy gun.
Zito Bandito: Enjoy this next gift, muchachos!
He opens fire, and the Legionaries show their preferred means to deal with a crazed gunman (to show off their powers, of course). Drake and Gaxon telekinetically swerve the bullets around themselves. Drametha takes advantage of the Prometheus' armor to shrug off the bullets, while Chenjala does the same with her exoskeleton. Avery just dances around the bullets a la The Mask. Shaydon enters his incorporeal form and lets the bullets go through him, while Lauren grabs a bubble and uses it to catch the bullets.
Zito Bandito: You don't like lead either? (pulls out a grenade launcher) How about I give you some gunpowder, then?
He fires a grenade at the Legionaries. Avery just grabs it and throws it back. Though Zito's suit protects him from the blast, it still knocks him off his feet.
Zito Bandito: Ugh...I'll be back...I guarantee it. (he teleports away)
The Grand Duchess gets up, finally deciding to take matters into her own hands.
Grand Duchess: ENOUGH! First you sway my daughter to impurity, then you humiliate my knight, incapacitate my guards, and DESECRATE MY THRONE ROOM!
Drametha: Well, you're the one who made the decision to unjustly imprison a member of a team of A-list superheroes. Royalty or not, it was guaranteed to blow up in your face. The fact that you treat your daughter like crap only made us want to beat you up even more.
Grand Duchess: Silence, human! And Lauren, I-
Lauren: No.
Grand Duchess: What?!
Lauren: No! I am not obliged to obey you anymore!
Grand Duchess: AS YOUR MOTHER, I COMMAND YOU TO-
Lauren: I'm no daughter of yours, remember?
Grand Duchess: Silence! You will be punished alongside these criminals for your insolence!
She extends her tongue and wraps it around the group, attempting to strangle them with it.
Grand Duchess: Insipid Legionaries! You were fools to channel the all-encompassing might of a Ranal! After your deaths, your families will come next! Mark my words-
Drake looks at the acid vat and gets an idea. While the Grand Duchess is distracted with her gloating, he picks it up with his telekinesis, and dumps the contents onto her tongue, dissolving it and forcing her to drop them. Lauren then shoots a tiny bubble into her mother's exposed wound. Undeterred, she draws a sword...and is suddenly struck by paralysis.
Chenjala: What did you do to her?
Lauren: (with an unfittingly sweet smile) It's quite simple, really. I inserted a bubble into her bloodstream to give her an embolism.
Chenjala: Shaydon, your girlfriend is disturbing.
Shaydon: She's adorable.
He and Lauren indulge in a PDA.
Avery: I'm happy for him, but…ewwwww.
Up at the ceiling, Enzo's still stuck in the bubble, ogling Lauren.
Enzo: Nice ass, froggy.
Shaydon throws a kunai at him without looking, popping the bubble, sending him to the ground, and smashing the dark matter covering his arm.
Enzo: Ow, my face!
Drake: So, what are we gonna do about her?
Drametha: Well, considering I planted a live camera on Lauren, just in case we got caught-
Lauren: When?!
Drametha: -her mom's crimes are now public knowledge. Cyberchoker, how many views have we got?
Cyberchoker: "Grand Duchess Ipsa disowns daughter" has...approximately 1.5 million views.
Drametha: Yeah, the kingdom's gonna tear her a new one.
The Grand Duchess can only move enough to scream something unintelligible at them.
Avery: As for you guys on the floor...sorry we had to beat you up.
Guard: Ugh...it's alright. Since that wench can no longer talk, we don't have to listen to her. As for the destruction you caused, however...
Lauren: You are all pardoned.
Shaydon: So...you wanna join us? Officially, this time?
Lauren: Yes.
Drake: Welcome aboard.
Avery: Yeah, nice!
While everyone celebrates, Gaxon places handcuff constructs around Enzo's wrists.
Gaxon: You still owe us your services, Enzo.
Enzo: Frick.
Shaydon: Wait. Aren't we gonna have to drive all the way back to the US?
Drake: Oh, yeah.
Legionaries: Uuuuuuuugh...