It occurred to Roxanne that she had never before seen Megamind truly angry. Irritated? Yes. Annoyed? Certainly. But never actually angry.
"What part of 'get out' did you not understand?!" the blue man banged his fist on his work table, making some of its contents rattle. "I told you— I told you— to announce the evacuation and then leave! What on earth took you so long?!"
"I said I was sorry, okay?!" Roxanne protested. Singed, bruised, and holding an ice pack to her swollen cheek, she didn't particularly feel like enduring a lecture.
"Sorry? Sorry?! Roxanne! You were hurt! You could have been killed!"
"I was trying to help!"
He snarled in frustration. "I should never have let you go in there!"
"Let me?!"
"It was far too dangerous!"
"You go into dangerous situations all the time!"
"Roxanne, I have been fighting my entire life! I was raised by some of the most dangerous men in this city!"
"Look, either we're in this together or we're not!"
He turned on her, eyes wide. "Are threatening to dump me?!"
"No! I just— Megamind, I love you. I want to be a part of your life! All of your life!"
"And I'm trying to provide that! But you make it very difficult when you won't do as I ask! Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?! Do you have any conception— any at all— just how terrified I am every time you go into these situations?!"
"That's my choice, not yours!"
"It's like an icy fist grabs my insides and twists!" He grabbed her shoulders. She was surprised to see moisture shining in his green eyes. "I have nightmares about what might happen to you! Nightmares, Roxanne!"
"Megamind..." she whispered.
"You're a strong, independent woman! I get that! I respect it! But I can't lose you! I can't! I gave up being a villain because of you!" he was shaking. "I found my place in society because of you! I am the defender of this city and a better man because of you! Without you none of it means anything! Don't you understand that?!"
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry."
"No! Don't apologize! Don't ever apologize for being yourself! I don't need you to be sorry! I need you to be safe! I need you to understand that there is a difference between courage and recklessness!"
She could feel hot tears gathering in her own eyes now. Clenching her fists, breathing deep, she tried to hold them back.
Megamind looked struck. "Oh, Roxanne, Sweetheart, no, don't cry. Please don't cry." He wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face into her hair. "I… God. I'm a monster."
"Shut up," she said into his shoulder. "No, you're not."
"Yes, I am. I should never have yelled at you. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry. Please, Darling… I just… My heart almost stopped when I realized you were still in there."
"I worry about you too, you know."
"I know you do."
She turned her face to press her uninjured cheek against him, breathed in his fresh, warm scent. "I worry, but I know you still have to do what's right, and so do I."
"Everybody does, Sweetheart, or they should. You're brave. Very brave. But sometimes you cross a line and do something too… rash."
"And you don't?"
"Darling, I take calculated risks. There's a difference. And it's necessary. But you don't have to. This city… It doesn't have to be your responsibility to protect it, and it's not fair for me to expect that of you. It's not your burden to bear."
"Maybe not, but I want to help you bear it."
He sighed. "And if you didn't, you wouldn't be the woman I love. Even so, there's a part of me that almost wishes I could treat you more like a damsel. It's an oxymoron, isn't it? You're precious to me because you're so bold— so full of life and courage and righteous vigor— and yet I want to protect you because you are precious to me."
"I love you, too."
He kissed her forehead gently. "So, let me try this again. No yelling this time. What took you so long in there?"
"Um..."
He lifted a black eyebrow. "Roxanne?"
"The good news is I think I got some evidence that will help us figure out Ares' next move."
She could feel his arms tense around her. With an effort, he relaxed.
"And how, exactly, did you do that?" he asked evenly.
"I, um, kind of got a hold of Ares' cell phone."
"You did WHAT?!" He took sucked in air, blew it out slowly, and spoke in a calmer voice. "You did what?"
Drawing in a fortifying breath of her own, she told him. Megamind was staring at her by the time she finished.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I told you not to engage him."
"Technically I didn't. And we need information. I'm an investigative reporter. Getting information is my specialty."
"Right," he sighed deeply again. "Right. Well, I suppose there's no point in worrying over what's already done. What did you find?"
"I sent it all to my own cell phone. Once I turn it back on, I can—"
"No! Don't turn it on!" he said quickly. "I asked you to keep it off because cell phones are too easy to trace."
"You have one."
"I've heavily modified it."
"Oh."
"I can do the same for you, but in the meantime, just bring it here." He spoke into his holowatch. "Minion, I need you in the workroom."
"Right away, sir!"
"Eleven injured, four of them seriously," Minion reported as Megamind removed the SIM card from Roxanne's smartphone and opened a panel on his supercomputer. "Extensive damage to part of the building. No one confirmed dead. Gregory Holt, the Pyro Tech, was shot twice but survived. His condition's still critical."
"I call that a win," Roxanne said.
"Indeed," Megamind said, motioning Minion out of the way.
"I wonder why Ares didn't kill him?" Roxanne mused. "With all you've told me…"
"Brainbots found him gagged and tied in a supply closet," Megamind explained. "And surrounded in what my analysis proved to be petroleum distillate. I think Ares wanted to ensure he was alive to burn to death."
Roxanne shuddered.
"Sweetheart," Megamind stopped what he was doing and turned to her, taking one of her hands in both of his. "It's over. Holt is alive. It's alright." he grinned with dark triumph. "We gave Ares a great big Metrocity Middle Finger!"
Despite herself, she smiled. "Okay."
"This is a night he will count among his greatest failures!" He turned back and started tapping the keys. "His grand revenge turned into some burned curtains!"
"And some injuries," Roanne reminded him. "And a destroyed stage. And a damaged roof."
"Excuse me, the roof was my work!" Megamind activated one of the other monitors. "But that's not the point. Ares has a reputation for never missing his kill. He wanted death, and we brought his body count down to zero. He wanted to make a statement about the horror that awaits those who cross him, and we turned it into a statement about our ability to protect this city. He uses fear like a weapon, but tonight we disarmed him," Megamind looked at her, a smug smile on his lips. "Tonight we reminded the world he is just a man." He brought up a new window. It looked like Roxanne's phone screen.
She'd forgotten about the wallpaper image.
Megamind grinned at his lover, all serious concerns melting from his face. In that moment, Roxanne loved him all the more for finding such bright, overwhelming joy in so small a thing, even in the midst of chaos and danger.
"I didn't know I was your background!" he said.
"Who else?"
"Oh, I don't know… Kittens? Rainbows? Kittens on rainbows?"
"Tempting, but I'd still rather see you."
"Would you?" his grin broadened.
"Hmm," she agreed. "And the more of that gorgeous blue skin you're showing, the better."
"Oh, really?" He lifted one eyebrow. His expression shifted to promise sinful delights while a dark gleam lit his eyes. "After the night you've had, I believe you could use, shall we say, some downtime?" his grin sent delicious warm tingles through her belly. Minion choked loudly enough to raise bubbles in his tank. Megamind ignored him. "When we are done here, Miss Ritchi," he continued. "I would like your assistance with a little… experiment."
"Experiment?" she gave him one of his favorite crooked smiles, the one that said she was envisioning what was beneath all the black leather and liked what she saw.
"Oh, yes. Several. Extremely vital experiments. While I learned quite a lot from my original source material online, I've been doing some truly fascinating additional research— the Karma Sutra, the Perfumed Garden— and there are so very many things we need to try. For science, you know."
"Of course."
Moving closer to his lover, the blue hero purred: "We really have no choice, I'm afraid."
"We practically owe it to the scientific community," Roxanne agreed, tilting her face up for his kiss.
"Ooookay, this is awkward," the henchfish said.
Megamind cleared his throat. "Right. Let's, ah, just get on with this, shall we?"
Roxanne was looking at her alerts. "Oh, God, I have twelve missed calls from Andro."
"Who is Andro?"
"Oh, now who's jealous?" Roxanne gave him a saucy grin.
"Tease," Megamind pecked her on her uninjured cheek. "Seriously, who is he?"
"Andro is Isandro, my new cameraman."
"I certainly hope he's less..." he gestured vaguely for a word, "stalky than the last one."
"Don't worry. We're just friends. He's a sweet guy, but he'd be more likely to fall for you than me."
"Ah." Megamind tapped a few more keys. "We can check your messages once we're done with this, before I—"
Minion clapped his mechanical hands over the sides of his fishbowl, though it couldn't have done anything to block sound.
"La-la-la-la-la! Not listening!" he said.
It was amazing how many emotions Megamind could convey with an arched eyebrow. This one was clearly sardonic amusement.
"I was going to say: 'before I remove the SIM card.'"
"Oh," Minion had the good grace to look sheepish.
"This looks like the plans for the device we found," Megamind said. "And these are instructions for wiring a residential breaker box. What's this?" He'd reached the photos of the house. "Dingo!"
"Dingo?" Roxanne asked.
"I think you mean bingo, Sir," Minion added.
"No, no, I've looked it up. They're definitely called dingoes." Megamind gestured dismissively. "But that's really not important now. This is it! This is his plan! Ares must really be on fire about this job because now he's planning to burn a house down! And that can only mean one thing: this is his target! It wouldn't be hard to cause an electrical fire. I wonder why he hasn't made his move yet?"
"You said he doesn't kill children," Roxanne suggested. "Maybe his target has kids."
"That would explain it… It's still winter break, so they would be home." He began typing again, and images started rapidly flashing across the screen.
"What are you doing now?" Roxanne asked.
"Running a search through all the real estate photos on record to see if we can find— Aha!" It was a slightly different angle, but the house in the image matched the ones Ares had taken.
"Dingo," agreed Roxanne.
"Please, Miss Ritchi, don't encourage him," Minion implored.
Megamind rolled his eyes. "Haven't you ever heard that ridiculous song, the one about the farmer who had a dog and Dingo was his name? Dingoes are dogs."
"The dog's name was Bingo, Sir," Minion insisted.
Megamind was too busy typing to respond. The screen filled with information that Roxanne, after a moment, recognized as a tax record. "475 Brimming Brook Road," Megamind said. "As of last April, it was the home of Rodney Johnson, widower, claiming one daughter as a dependent. It looks like he's been there for the past three years. What do you think the chances are he still is?"
"I'd say they're pretty good, Boss," Minion answered with a fishy grin.
Roxanne was wide-eyed. "That address is familiar!" She started searching through the newspaper clippings hanging from strings. "There was a break-in at that location a few days ago!"
"A break-in?" asked Megamind. He followed her as she snatched the article down.
"Yes, but nothing was taken."
"Hmmm… It's possible he tried to reach the target before. I think you may be right; he must have realized there was a child."
"The article said the family was away from home at the time."
"Even so, family photographs or toys on the floor could have been enough to make him withdraw and regroup. He'd want to set off the trap when the girl was away from home." Megamind paused. "The question is: what did this fellow do to earn someone aiming Ares at him? I've never even heard of this Rodney Johnson. From all I've been able to gather, Ares' usual victims are people like politicians and crime bosses, high rollers. So why this man?" He typed a few keys. "Huh. He's a lawyer. It would be interesting to know what cases he's currently working on."
"Whatever the reason, at least this means we still have time," Minion's expression was triumphant.
"It's too soon to claim victory just yet," nodded Megamind. "But now that we know the plot, the target, and the location, we finally have the upper hand. All we need is a plan." His trademark evil laugh rang through the room. "Ares, I will make you rue the day you ever dared to set foot in Metrocity! And it's all thanks to my— what?"
He'd noticed the looks on Roxanne and Minion's faces.
"If you're about to say it's thanks to your genius—" Roxanne began, hands on her hips.
"I was going to say: 'thanks to my brave and resourceful girlfriend.' Really! The two of you!"
"Better. That's much better." She smiled. "So what is the plan?"
"I'll think of something."
"In the meantime, is there anything else we need to do before I check my messages?"
Megamind stepped aside and gestured toward the keyboard. "Be my guest. It uses standard Unix commands for low-security tasks like playing media." At the look on Roxanne's face, he added: "Control-shift-O to open an application, control-enter to select, L to play in the regular media player, or aplay to play in the command line."
"Right..." she said doubtfully.
"Come here. I'll show you."
The first couple of messages were fairly standard. "Checking in, Roxie. They said you weren't coming in today, so I wanted to make sure you're all good… Now Harold says you won't be in for a week. Do you have the flu? You'd better not have the flu. I got sent out with Leonard instead today. I swear that man has the charming disposition of a rabid bulldog. Save me! Seriously, though, I just wanted to see if you were okay. Call me if you need anything… Chica! You missed the best Christmas party ever! Michael Thompson got plastered and went ballistic on Weather Girl Barbie! Hope you're feeling better..." Soon, however, the messages became more concerned. "Okay, now they say you might be out all month? Roxie! What is up with you?! You'd better call me!… Is everything okay? Cause I am really getting worried. I'm starting to think you're dead in a ditch somewhere. Fair warning: if you don't call me I will come by your apartment tomorrow. Don't think I won't... I warned you! I just went by your place and they said you've been away for almost three weeks! Oh my God, Roxie, Are you in the hospital? I am crazy worried now! Call me back! I mean it!"
The final message, however, had a completely different tone. "So," it started in a conspiratorial voice. "Harold took me into his office and told me privately that you are in some kind of witness protection thing... and you're staying with Big M!—"
"Big M?" Megamind lifted an eyebrow.
"First," the message continued. "you know, you could have let me know you were alive. Second, what witness protection thing? Are you in some kind of trouble? Third: oh, my God, Chica. Oh. My. God. Did you move in with him?! You moved in with him! And you didn't tell me?! Roxie, as your devoted cameraman and friend, I am going to need all the details! You have got to call me. Like right now. Call me right now. So glad you're safe! But, for real, call me!"
Megamind was staring at the screen with a slightly shell-shocked expression on his face.
"Okay," Roxanne admitted. "Andro can seem a little overwhelming at first, but really he's just got a huge heart and a zest for life."
"Big M?" Megamind asked again.
Behind him, Minion was struggling not to laugh.
"It's better than what he used to call you."
"Do I even want to know?"
"M&M."
"For 'Mega' and 'Mind.'" he stated more than asked.
"Well, that and because of the time you sent me—"
"The two-pound bag of blue M&M's. I remember. Oh, it isn't that funny, Minion!" he added as his friend lost the battle for self-control.
"If it makes you feel any better," Roxanne told Megamind, "he only nicknamed you to tease me." She blushed and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Well, before you and me, I was known for being Miss Professional: all work all the time. When Andro first came to the station, that was still my reputation, and I think he gets a kick out of seeing the effect you have on me. He says you're good for me."
"Oh, really? I'm starting to like this fellow," Megamind propped his chin on one hand and gave her a wry smile. "Tell me more… Just how do I affect you?"
Her face burned brighter. "Um, apparently I get all dreamy-eyed and distracted when you're around—"
"That is true," offered Minion.
"I get a goofy grin on my face whenever you do something nice for no reason—"
"True."
"Everyone can always tell when you've sent me a flirty text because I blush like a schoolgirl—"
"Also true."
"And I've actually started making friends at the office since I started dating you."
Megamind looked at Minion, who shrugged.
"Well," the former chuckled warmly, returning his attention to Roxanne. "Your new cameraman obviously has sense, at least. I'm glad to know your bad good boy affects you so powerfully. Or am I your good bad boy?"
"I think it depends on your mood—"
"Ah."
"And how tight your leather pants are."
"And I am done with this conversation!" said Minion, throwing up his hands and starting away. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the basement. Wearing headphones. And banging pots together."
"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Filet Minon," Megamind nudged his friend with an elbow. "Both mine and Roxanne's bedrooms are completely soundproof."
"But the workroom isn't," Minion turned and crossed his mechanical arms over his chest. "Neither is the control room. Or the dining room. I still haven't forgiven you for that, by the way."
"Minion—"
"We eat off that table!"
"I did clean it twice."
"We eat off that table!" Minion reiterated with feeling.
"No," Megamind said pointedly. "We," he gestured between himself and Roxanne, "eat off of that table. You," he pointed, "eat by pouring things into your bowl."
"Well, I still like to sit at the table while I do it!"
"I'm sorry, Minion," Roxanne laid a hand on his fur-covered shoulder. "You're right. I've been really inconsiderate. You live here too, and you were here before me. I should make more effort to make this less awkward for you. I'm sorry."
"Well," Minion sniffed, and cast a meaningful look at his master. "At least one of you cares about my feelings."
Megamind was rubbing his temple. "Of course I care," he sighed. "I'll tell you what, Minion, take the rest of the night off."
"Really?"
He dug out his wallet and handed over a couple of bills. "Go see a late movie or something. My treat."
"Thank you, Sir!"
"Be sure you use your holowatch!" Megamind called after his retreating back.
Roxanne peeked around Megamind to be sure Minion was out of earshot before saying: "It's a good thing he didn't find out about the washing machine."
"That was a lot of fun," Megamind agreed. "Who knew the spin cycle could be so exciting? It's still before ten o'clock on a Friday," he added, switching mental gears in that quick way of his. "Would you like to give your friend a call?"
"I thought you had… plans?"
"Indeed, but it's hardly a decent experiment if I don't make a few preparations. Besides," he added with a purr and a sultry eyebrow lift. "We're likely to be gathering data well into the night. Ah, yes! There's that schoolgirl blush!"
She laughed and swatted him lightly. "Okay. Do you want me to use your phone since mine is forbidden?"
"No need, I'll add a profile for you on the video call system," he answered, tapping away at the keys.
"And that's secure?"
"Very. Both the program and the encryption are my own, and I update them regularly. It would take a person of monumental genius to infiltrate them, and there are backup security measures for that highly unlikely event."
It took three rings for the call to be picked up. A handsome Latino man with stylishly shaggy hair and small silver loops in each ear appeared on the screen.
"Roxie! You were all over the news!"
Roxanne smiled. "Hello to you too, Andro."
"What the hell have you been up to?! I just saw you on the nine o'clock flying over a burning building with Big M! Are you playing hero now?"
"She's hardly playing," Megamind informed him. Roxanne loved the slight defensiveness in his voice on her behalf. He might not like her joining him on his adventures, but he wouldn't let anyone disparage her efforts.
Andro noticed Megamind in the background for the first time. "The man himself!" He enthused. "I've been trying to get Roxie here to introduce us for weeks! I'm guessing since she was wearing some sort of supervillain couture that she didn't get herself kidnapped again?"
Megamind shook his head. "She helped save a crowd from a burning building."
"And did she have a boxing match while she was doing it?" Andro gestured at Roxanne's cheek.
His friend snorted. "Pretty much. People were panicking and I punched someone's elbow with my face."
"You're okay, though, right? I mean, nothing worse than that?"
"Yeah, Andro. I'm okay."
"I'm glad, but... Listen, Roxie, between you and me, I'd keep the whole 'willing participation' thing quiet for now. Harold called, and he is pissed. Wants to know what you mean by saying you have to hide out with your blue beau, and then going and making a public scene."
"He called you at home?" Roxanne asked.
"Yeah, wanted information. Made it out like he was looking for an angle on the story, you and I both know he doesn't do research himself. I'm telling you, Chica, he is livid. I put the idea into his head that maybe you had a suit for extra safety, not because you planned to go all sexy sidekick, but still, you need to play it safe for a while."
"I'll speak to him," Megamind promised. "I'll explain that we're trying to resolve the issue so you can return to work."
"I don't know, Big— Uh, Megamind," said Andro. "He's not too happy with you right now, either."
"I don't doubt it. Even so, if he wants to rain down his wrath upon someone, I'd rather it was me than Roxanne."
Andro looked back to his friend. "Complete dreamboat. I'm telling you."
"That will give me a chance to remind him that he might want to stay on the hero's good side, just in case something similar happens to his building," Megamind added with his best supervillain grin.
For a tense moment, Roxanne thought her friend would take him seriously, but then Andro burst out laughing. "Oh, man, if it comes to that, just say the word! I will plant a friggin' pipe bomb!"
Megamind crossed his arms, but there was a smile playing around his lips when he said: "Did you seriously just admit to planning an act of terrorism in front of the Defender of Metrocity?"
"Sure did!" Andro said carelessly. "I'll put it right in the fourth-floor men's room. Then they'll finally have to fix that damn toilet." He looked around. "Oscar. Mike. Golf—"
"Oscar did what?" Megamind asked.
"OMG," explained Andro. "Roxie, is that the Evil Lair?!"
"It isn't evil anymore," Roxanne reminded.
"Is that the Good Evil Lair?" Andro corrected. He grinned brightly. "You really DID move in with him! Talk, Chica! I need details! No, wait, hold on! News like this requires martinis!" Andro jumped up. Roxanne could hear clinking in the background. "Keep holding! I'll be right there!" he called. A moment later he was back with a glass. "That's better," he stopped, and then gave Roxanne a look. "Okay, the way this whole gossip session thing works is that we both have drinks. Where's yours?"
Megamind snapped his fingers in the air and a brainbot flew over. "Bring Mommy a martini." he glanced over at his lover. "Dry, neat, or—" he cocked a suggestive eyebrow. "Dirty?"
"Uh, Neat," she answered flatly, smiling a little at the look of mock disappointment on his face. The little robot buzzed off, chattering.
"They make martinis?" Andro looked back and forth between the other two. "And you're Mommy?" he added to Roxanne.
"Minion is an excellent cook, but his cocktails are weak," Megamind explained. "Don't tell him I said that."
"My lips are sealed," Andro promised. "But, seriously, Mommy?"
Megamind smiled. "I updated their programming shortly before Roxanne came to stay with me. It seemed only fitting. Well," he added as the brainbot return with the requested drink. "I'll let you two catch up. Come upstairs when you're done, Sweetheart. I'll be waiting." He kissed Roxanne's cheek and strode away.
"Waiting upstairs?!" Andro looked like he'd just gotten a puppy for Christmas. "Roxie! You little minx!" he grinned. "Are you banging Big M?!"
She felt her face grow hot, and, before she could catch herself, ran a nervous hand through her hair.
"You ARE!" gushed Andro. "It's about damn time! I've got to tell you, Chica, if some man treated me the way he treats you, I would be all over him like white on rice!" He sipped his martini. "Well?"
"Well, what?"
"What do you mean, 'well what?' Uh-uh, don't you give me that shy violet look. You do not get to keep something this important away from your friend. Spill it!"
"I mean, things are pretty serious."
Andro took another sip. "How serious is 'pretty serious?'"
"Well, you know, I just…" Roxanne looked into her glass. "It's not like any other relationship I've ever been in. It feels… really right."
"Uh-huh," Andro waved an expected hand. "Details! Details!"
"Everything just clicks… It's comfortable and exciting and… Have you ever felt like someone saw you— I mean really saw you: cracks, flaws, and everything— and still thought you were wonderful?"
"I wish! Go on."
"This sounds stupid, but… I can't really remember what life felt like before him. It's like he's always been there. When he's not around, I… Oh, I don't know… I feel jumpy and empty and… Gray. It's like someone took the sun, and when he comes back, everything is in full color again."
"Chica, you are head over heels!" Andro gushed. "Has he used the L-word yet?"
"Love?" Roxanne's smile felt gentle. "Everyday."
"And you've said it back?" he eyed her. "You'd BETTER have said it back!"
"Of course I have!"
"Roxie, I am so jealous! I'm happy for you!" Andro looked it, too. He was beaming.
"I'm really glad to hear you say that."
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I just worry… Sometimes people can be so judgmental…"
"And you think they would have an issue with you two," Andro stated flatly. "Chica, do you have any idea how many people in this city would love to be in your shoes?"
"There are a few, but the majority probably—"
"Uh, Roxie, there are websites."
Roxanne's eyes grew wide. "Wow… Okay… That's a little creepy."
"It's the price you pay for dating a celebrity." Andro sipped his drink again.
"Yeah, but I know not everyone can feel that way. No matter how many fans he has, no matter how much good he does around the city, no matter how much I love him, even, some people are still only going to see that I'm human and he's not. They'll think it's weird… They might even hate us for it."
"You're talking to a gay man. Preacher, meet choir," he gestured with his glass. "Let me tell you something: it's true, some people are going to be sanctimonious assholes, some will even be downright cruel. But you know what? You can't please everybody, and you can't live your whole life according to other people's opinions. At some point, you've got to just acknowledge that, in the end, no matter what anyone else says, this is your life, not theirs, and you've got the right to live it. Otherwise, you'll just be living a lie. Look, Roxie, nobody chooses to fall in love, it just happens, and when it does," he shrugged. "You love who you love. The people who really care about you are going to keep caring about you even if they don't totally get your relationship, and they're the ones who matter. So you just do you."
Roxanne was embarrassed to feel tears pricking her eyes. "Thanks, Andro… I think I really needed to hear that."
"Hey, that's what I'm here for!" He paused for another drink. "Now, official disclaimer: I'm about to go into Mom Friend Mode because I need you to do something for me."
"I won't know if I can until you tell me."
"Fair. I need you to promise me that, whatever happens, you will not lose him."
"I wasn't planning to," Roxanne chuckled.
"I'm serious! They say all the good ones are gay or taken, but let me tell you, there aren't that many good single gay ones left either. He loves you, he makes you happy, and he actually seems like a great guy, as far as I can tell. You have managed to find one of the last truly good men in this city, so no matter what happens, no matter what people say, you'd better not let him go. If you do," Andro pointed emphatically at the screen. "I will personally come and slap some sense into you."
"Okay, okay," Roxanne held up her hands in mock surrender. "I won't give him up."
"I'm holding you to that." her friend insisted.
She smiled. "You won't need to."
"Good." There was another pause as Andro took a larger than normal gulp. "Okay, I have to ask, you know I do. What's Big M like between the sheets?"
She felt her fiery blush creep down her neck. "He's, um, pretty great. Really great—"
"Okay, but is he like, you know, other guys?"
She looked at him.
"Hey, how often do you find out your friend is doing the horizontal tango with an alien? I mean, does he have… normal stuff, or, like, tentacles or something?"
"Andro, he's a mammal."
"Right. No tentacles, then… So… Really great, huh?" he waggled his eyebrows. "This is your chance to gush, so don't blow it."
Roxanne couldn't help it. She giggled. "Um, wow. Okay," she said after a fortifying swallow of her own drink. "He's… ah… very flexible. And attentive. And… Let's just say your nickname for him has new meaning now."
"Ooh, la la!" Andro laughed. "Chica, I'll be right back. I'm going to need another martini!"