here's the big boy chapter i promised, also general update, progress has been steady in spite of it all, i just broke 25k on this baby and i'm not even halfway through so here's hoping i actually finish something for once in my goddamn life :)
xxx
Alice came to slowly, her head swimming, her body like lead. She tasted iron on her tongue, and thought she would vomit before clamping down on her sickness by clenching her teeth together. She blinked several times, clearing her eyes of the blurs left behind by sleep, and tried to sit up. Her head spun, her stomach kicked, and she lay back down as quick as she dared. Closing her eyes, she extended her awareness outwards, searching for the familiar pulse of Owen's consciousness since Jack's remained hidden from her. She found it, along with those of Gwen, Ianto and Tosh, and she assumed from this that Jack had to be there as well. She wanted to go to them, to ask Owen about the previous night, what he had found at the Rift, and how she had arrived back at the Hub, in Jack's bed, with no memory of what had happened. However, her body clearly wasn't up for the task of standing and walking, so she willed herself back to sleep, the knowledge of his and the others' presence enough to stay her curiosity, for the moment.
xxx
Jack stared at his team and struggled to find a good place to begin.
"Alright, look," he said, deciding to go for the direct approach. "I haven't been completely honest with you about certain things. It's time for that to change." His team exchanged collective looks. "When I disappeared…I went to visit an old friend. He was the same person who entrusted Alice to me. Now here's where it gets complicated. This person…this man…is an alien. His name is the Doctor. He's over 900 years old and he's the last of a race called the Time Lords. The Time Lords were one of the oldest races; they had jurisdiction over the laws of Time itself and kept watch over the universe, but never interfered with its workings. They were wiped out in the last great Time War with the Daleks. Now the Doctor upholds their legacy by traveling the universe and, well, occasionally interfering in the affairs of other civilizations to protect them from harm. He was there at Christmas Day and the Battle of Canary Wharf."
"How does this connect to whatever's going on with the Rift?" Tosh asked.
"Owen? Would you care to tell the others what happened last night?"
Owen explained to the team what he had encountered with Ash. By the time he finished, the they all had incredulous looks on their faces.
"Why is she still here?" Gwen spat. "We should throw her out! She's obviously a danger to the whole planet!"
"What good would kicking her out do?" Ianto countered calmly. "If she's as dangerous as you think, we're better off keeping her here, where we can watch her closely. Besides, if we put her on the street, she's bound to run into trouble."
Tosh and Jack nodded in agreement, and even Gwen was mollified.
"Look, Alice's presence isn't our main concern right now," Jack said firmly. "We need to find out what was speaking through her and how she's connected to the Rift, and the first step to discovering that is identifying her species. I'm in contact with the Doctor, and I'm sure he'll be able to help us. He's traveled space for a lot longer than any of us have been around, and he raised Alice. He should be valuable to us."
The team exchanged apprehensive looks, but they silently agreed to follow Jack's lead.
"What do you need us to do?" Ianto asked.
"I want someone watching the Rift at all times," Jack ordered. "Tosh, you can take the first shift. Everyone else, start sifting through the alien databases. I've already left a record of Alice's characteristics and abilities, as well as a list of species that share some of those traits, so you'll have an idea of what to go on. I want to know what she is as soon as possible. Alright, get to work!"
The team scattered to their respective positions. Owen, however, lingered.
"Yes?" Jack raised his eyebrows at him
"Will she be alright with this? Telling the whole team about her, I mean."
Jack's eyebrows went higher. "It doesn't matter," he said. "This is a lot bigger than her."
Owen nodded, recovering himself. "You're right," he said. "I'll just…get to work then." He turned away and busied himself with a monitor, but he still had a strange, pinched look on his face. Jack smirked; clearly, Owen still wasn't quite used to the idea of caring about other people yet.
Jack left the team to it and went upstairs to check on Alice. She'd still been in a dead sleep when the team arrived; Jack had wanted to wake her so he could ask about the events of the previous night, but in the end he'd thought it best to let her be. It was better to let her rest than run the risk of her getting ill—she was an alien, after all.
Alice was where Jack had left her. As he approached the bed, he saw that her eyes were open.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Fine, I suppose. A bit dizzy still." She frowned up at him. "What happened?"
"Do you not remember?"
"I remember going with Owen to investigate the Rift activity, and I remember waking up here. Nothing in between."
Jack stared at her, at a loss. He hadn't expected this. He'd hoped that she would be able to give the team more insight as to what had happened, but now they had less than nothing. Sighing, he sat on the edge of the bed.
"Owen told me that when you two got to the Rift point, something seemed to…possess you, Alice. He said that your eyes glowed and when you spoke to him, it sounded like there was another voice mingling with yours."
Alice had sat up, her eyes fixed on his face, her expression set. "And what did I say?"
"You said…you said that the Doctor's daughter will destroy the universe."
Alice was silent for a long time, her eyes wide but staring at nothing. When she finally looked up at Jack, he was startled to recognize something like fear in her face.
"Do you have any idea what's going on?" she asked in a small voice. Jack sighed.
"Not a clue. Honestly I was counting on you to remember what happened to you so we could get some more information. The only thing we can say with any certainty is that it's no coincidence that the Rift started acting funny right after you showed up."
"So the strange Rift activity...is because of me?" Jack spread his hands wide.
"That's what it looks like, based on what happened last night. But we still don't know anything for sure." He paused and his expression softened when he saw the tense, anxious look on her face. "I'm sorry. I know this is a lot to take in all at once." He touched her shoulder. "I want you to know that your...involvement in this isn't going to change the way you're treated around here. You're still a guest, not a suspect or a prisoner. We're in this together, alright?"
Alice nodded slowly, her expression still far away. Jack hesitated, unsure if she wanted to be left alone or not. "Alice? Are you alright? Anything I can get you?" She shook her head, the movement as lethargic as before. Though her countenance was smooth as a stone Jack saw a struggle in her eyes, alien as they were.
"I want…" she started, then stopped, her mouth twisting as anger broke across it. "I want…"
"You want to talk to the Doctor," Jack realized aloud. Alice's head whipped around as she fixed him with a hard stare, looking half relieved that he'd spared her from having to say it and half cross that he'd figured her out.
"...Yes," she admitted reluctantly.
"That can be arranged," Jack said. "We can give him a call later tonight once this place empties out a bit."
Alice's hands twisted in her lap, the relief at being able to contact him nulled by the corrosive feelings towards him that still churned in her gut. Thing seemed to be going from bad to worse and his decision to leave her with Torchwood was looking more shortsighted by the minute. She was too proud to ask him to take her back, but part of her secretly hoped that it would only take a brief explanation of the situation for him to acquiesce. After all, if her presence on Earth spelled danger for the entire planet, wouldn't that win out over his reservations about traveling with her? At the very least it might get her out of this dump and stashed somewhere more palatable.
Jack was watching her closely, searching her face intently for further signs of distress...or anything else.
"I'm okay, Jack," Alice said without looking at him. "And I feel normal. No one possessing my body except me."
"Sorry." Jack smiled ruefully. "Forgot who I was dealing with for a second." He relaxed a little more when Alice flashed a tight smirk back at him. "Shall I leave you alone, or do you want come join the others?"
Alice made a face. "I doubt they've missed me much."
Despite what everyone else said about him, Jack wasn't always inclined to be a meddler; but sometimes he simply couldn't resist.
"Owen has," he said, suppressing a sly smile. "You gave him quite a fright." He was gratified to see her cheeks turn pink.
"He's an idiot." Alice sighed, stood up, and stretched. "I suppose I'll come join you. I want to wash first though."
"Of course." Jack paused in the doorway. "Alice? One last thing. I told the team the truth about you, about who you are and who the Doctor is. I had no other choice. They can't be of much use in figuring this out if they don't have all the facts." He recalled Owen's concern earlier and added in spite of himself, "I'm sorry I couldn't ask your permission first."
"It's okay," Alice replied, nonplussed. "It doesn't make a difference to me. Not like they—" she jerked her head towards the window—"can trust me any less than they already do."
"You got me there," Jack admitted. "Alright, you get cleaned up and I'll see you down there."
Alice lingered where she stood after he left, turning over all that she'd heard slowly in her mind. As she pondered, she extended her awareness outward and touched lightly on each of the team members in turn. They were all busy, their minds buzzing like a beehive as they concentrated on their individual tasks. Alice hesitated, then delved a layer deeper, searching for the emotional current in each of them that related to her specifically. Ianto and Tosh were wearily neutral and Gwen lay coiled in predatory anticipation.
It was about what Alice expected. For some reason, however, she couldn't bring herself to part the veil that guarded Owen's emotions. She recalled their conversation in the car, his tight-lipped fury, how every word out his mouth sounded like a set of teeth gnashing. His reactions to her probing fascinated her, but now wasn't the time; she had to find out exactly what happened at the Rift, and to do that she would need him compliant.
Alice took her time in the shower, letting the hot water strip the dirt and sweat from her skin, its massaging pressure re-energizing her body and spirit. After she washed and dried she stood naked in the bathroom, absently examining her reflection in the mirror while she decided which dress to wear. She was beginning to understand that by human standards she was quite lovely, even if her alien qualities were somewhat off-putting. This could be used to her advantage, but Alice also knew that she would have to be careful. Human emotions were particularly volatile with regards to romantic relationships, and if she overplayed her hand she would only set herself up for an especially dangerous failure.
Alice ended up choosing a button-up navy blue sun dress with a scoop neckline and capped sleeves. The darker color offset her hair and eyes dramatically and she felt it was a more mature look than the powder blue dresses she'd worn previously. When she was dressed and ready, she took a moment to center herself using a breathing exercise that the Doctor taught her. Then she squared her shoulders and left the bedroom, ready to make her appearance.
When the opening and closing of the office door announced Alice's presence on the balcony, the heads of the team all swiveled in her direction, as she had expected they would. She kept her expression pleasantly mild as she surveyed the tumult of their emotions. None of them knew what to say to her. To their collective surprise, Tosh was the first to speak up.
"Alice! How are you feeling?"
Alice was taken aback. "I'm fine," she replied. "Better now."
"That's good. Jack said you can't remember anything from the Rift?"
"No, not a thing." Alice descended towards where the rest of the team were grouped.
"Bloody brilliant," Gwen hissed under her breath. Alice's gaze flashed sharply over to her. She could feel Jack's eyes on her from the shadows where he stood and she knew she should leave it alone. But if there was one thing Alice couldn't stomach, it was responding to provocation with silence.
"Sorry?" she asked Gwen sweetly. The air between them seemed to thicken as they glared daggers at each other. It was obvious from the tension in Gwen's voice when she responded how much effort it took to maintain her self-control.
"If you have nothing useful to contribute," she ground out, "Then why are you here?"
If looks could kill, a bolt of lightning would have flown from Alice's eyes and disintegrated Gwen where she stood. However, Alice's outer calm didn't slip even for a second.
"I live here," she said lightly. "I can go where I please." Gwen didn't respond, but as Alice turned away the other woman's thoughts were practically screaming at her. Arrogant cunt, if I was in charge you'd be thrown in the brig immediately and that would be the end of it. "You're not in charge, though, are you Gwen?" she said without turning around. "Jack is, and unless he says otherwise, I can move about freely. Isn't that right, Jack?" Alice turned her smile on Jack, who looked back at her with steely eyes, his arms folded over his chest. She didn't have to read his emotions to know that he was displeased, but she hadn't crossed any lines so he couldn't exactly reprimand her.
"That's right," Jack said tersely. Alice smirked at him, satisfied with her performance. She crossed the room and sat down on the couch, crossing her legs under her, and turned her attention back to Tosh.
"So, find anything new?"
Tosh gaped at her for a moment, but quickly recovered her composure. "Not much, unfortunately. Rift's been quiet all day, nothing unusual in the news or the papers, not even any reports about the lightning. That's the worst thing about the Rift, really. Sometimes the only thing you can do is wait."
"The lightning…?"
Tosh's eyes widened. "Oh! The lightning that came from the Rift last night. Owen can fill you in."
Owen, who was slouched so far down in his chair that he could barely be seen behind his desk, jumped and sank even further. Alice's appearance on the balcony had literally taken the wind out of him—if she'd looked stunning to him before, she was drop-dead gorgeous now, but Owen could not reconcile this with their interactions up to that point. He knew what to do with beautiful women, but a beautiful alien woman who could see into his mind and heart and also terrified him was something else entirely. When he felt, rather than saw, Alice's eyes turn to him, a hot flush crept up his neck.
Alice could sense his confusion without even having to reach her awareness in his direction and it thrilled her. Complicated emotional reactions were more savory than simplistic ones, and seeing herself reflected in Owen's turmoil tasted better than any exotic alien food she'd ever eaten. Though Alice had never learned to be vain, that he found her attractive caused a bell to toll deep within her, a high clear note she'd never known before. That would require further examination, but it would have to wait until she was alone.
The rest of the team had turned back to their work (Ianto had never looked up from his except briefly when Alice emerged on the balcony). Alice caught Jack's eye, and he gave her a long look and lowered the walls around his mind so she could hear his thoughts: I appreciate the decorum, but you and Gwen are going to have to work your shit out eventually. Alice shrugged and flashed a smile at him, as if to say all in good time—but it would be on her time, not his.
Satisfied that she could proceed without any undue attention on her, Alice got up off the couch and crossed the room to Owen's desk in med bay. It was the very thing he'd been dreading. If he could have sunk lower in his seat without sliding out of it completely, he would have; as it was he wished that he could vanish into the floor. She stopped in front of his desk, and he was grateful for the barrier between them.
"Hi," Alice said simply.
"...Hi," Owen mumbled without looking at her. He hesitated. "Feel alright?"
She shrugged. "Well enough. Do you mind?" She gestured at the other chair behind Owen's desk, which was shoved haphazardly in a corner by the file cabinet. He shook his head—it was more like a spasm really—and sat up straight, supposing that if the interaction was to be unavoidable he might as well get it over with.
Alice dragged the chair over beside him and sat down. Owen still couldn't look at her, preferring to fix his eyes on a bundle of wires snaking out of one of the instruments beyond. Naturally Alice didn't miss his skittishness, and she smiled inwardly. One little poke couldn't hurt.
"Are you okay?"
Owen started. "Fine. Why'd you ask?"
"Oh, it's nothing, I just can't remember the last time I saw someone put so much effort into avoiding eye contact."
Owen could only shake his head as a wave of heat escaped from beneath his collar. With effort, he met her gaze, and his stomach flipped. Even when they were not suffused with an unearthly glow, her eyes were so obviously inhuman. In different context he would have loved to look at them under a microscope.
"Happy now?" he asked tersely. Alice hit him with the same 40-watt smile she used on Jack when he was irritated with her. "Good," Owen grumbled, feeling himself blush again. Fucking christ, what was wrong with him? "Now what d'you want?"
"I want to know what happened last night. To me, at the Rift." As soon as the words were spoken, all the mischief fled her countenance. Owen relaxed a bit at her serious expression. Now that they were on to business, maybe he could hold a conversation with her without feeling like he needed to run or hit something.
"You don't remember anything at all?"
Alice shook her head. "I remember everything up until we started walking up that hill. Then, nothing."
Owen sighed. "When we reached the spot on the map, there was a bolt of purple lightning going from the ground to the sky over and over again. As soon as you saw it you...changed. Your eyes started glowing and you spoke in a voice that wasn't entirely your own. You said something about a storm from beyond the seas of time...the collision of past and future..."
"And I said that the Doctor's daughter will destroy the universe," Alice finished for him. Her mouth was a bitter line.
"Care to shed some light on that last bit?" Owen asked. Alice shook her head.
"I have no light to shed. If I'm to destroy the universe I have no idea when or how. Although it seems like my being here was all that really needed to happen."
"You should call your Doctor and tell him to swing by and pick you up," Owen said sarcastically. "And tell him that as a doctor myself, I quite resent the implication that he's the only one worth caring about."
Alice raised her eyebrows at him sardonically. "You're a doctor? How'd you manage that one? Bribery? Sexual favors?"
Owen snorted. "I got in on my own merit, believe it or not. Although I won't deny that last."
"Humans must have low standards."
This time, Owen had to bite back a bitter laugh. "You can say that again." Alice felt his suppressed amusement with satisfaction, though his failure to counter her jabs at his skill in medicine brought on a twinge of guilt. Something else occurred to her that only increased the unpleasant feeling.
"You were the one who brought me back here."
"Carried you, actually. And partway up the hill because you weren't wearing any bloody shoes."
Alice fixed him with a stare so lengthy that Owen had to resist the urge to squirm under her gaze. But instead of further needling him or kicking down the door to some long-buried and ugly part of himself, she only said, "Thank you."
Owen couldn't stop his eyebrows from shooting up in surprise. He scanned her face for a hidden grain of malice but there was none; in fact, he saw in her eyes a barely veiled contrition. Her sincerity disconcerted him as much as her devilry did, if not more so. He shrugged uncomfortably.
"It was nothing. Not like I could've just left you there."
"But you could have. You could have left me for dead and lied to Jack, just like you could have let me cut my feet walking on the stones." Alice paused. "Some might say I would've deserved it after how I treated you."
Now it was Owen's turn to stare. Her apparent remorse threw him completely off-balance—which, he thought, might be her aim to begin with. But the longer he looked at her the less he believed in his own suspicion. Her eyes were unveiled but everything about her posture suggested anxiety, from her hands clenched into fists over her knees to the tightness around her mouth. If her body language was a performance, she was putting quite a lot of effort into it. By the time he realized he'd let the silence hang for too long and also that she could read his mind, Alice was already opening her mouth to speak.
"I didn't really expect you to believe me. It's fine, honestly you'd be wise not to trust me." She stood up. "Thank you though, Owen. Really."
As she walked away, Owen realized that the last time she used his name was when she'd spoken at the Rift. He shuddered and turned away, hunched over his desk with his arms on the table.
Little did he know that Alice left the interaction feeling as unsettled as he. She told herself that she'd just been trying to win him over because he was the most malleable member of the team, that she needed someone in her corner who she could trust to help her achieve her own ends, that she didn't really care about his feelings or what he thought of her. However, despite spending all her life with the Doctor, Alice was not very good at lying to herself. The contrast between the anger she saw coiled tight within Owen, the way he spoke to her in the car, and his actions on the hill were baffling to her. She was learning that aggression did not always beget ruthlessness, and Owen's lack thereof held a mirror up to her own face. The reflection she saw there was not a flattering one. Inside her there was a constant push-pull between her own power and the way she'd been raised, and in that moment it was the Doctor's gentle hand that won out, drawing a sensitivity out of Alice that she hadn't known was there. Eclipsing her conflicted feelings about the Doctor himself was the intense discomfort that accompanied her display of vulnerability. She resolved to keep a tighter hold on herself and stay as aloof and emotionally removed as she could. Things were already complicated enough as it was.