Chapter 8 – The Dark Path Ahead

DISCLAIMER: We do not own Star Wars or any of the characters in it, though we wish we did. xD

Author's Note: The worst is just beginning for Anakin...

~ Amina Gila

It's not until Anakin has successfully used the Force to attach new wires inside his hand that Obi-Wan speaks again. "I'm sorry I never saw anything sooner," he says quietly, while Ahsoka continues to maintain her unspoken vow of silence. "I should have sensed something was amiss. I asked him several times if I could train you without the Council's permission, and he refused. He insisted that you were doing well and to give you Jedi training would prevent you from settling into your new life."

Anakin snorts. "Well, it was the truth – from a certain point of view," he allows, remembering Dooku's old saying. "If you had trained me, I would have been incapable of becoming Darth Vader." He gives him a sardonic smile. "That would have been an untold tragedy I am sure."

A surprised laugh escapes Obi-Wan. "That is very true," he agrees before becoming serious. "I should have done something. I should have realized that Palpatine wasn't acting normal."

Anakin rolls his eyes. Seriously? Why is Obi-Wan blaming himself for this? He hopes this isn't normal Jedi behavior, because guilt, like any negative emotion, draws people to the Dark Side. "There really was nothing you could have done," he reassures the Jedi. "Sidious never would have allowed anyone to interfere with his plans, and if you had become suspicious, I have no doubt that I would have been ordered to eliminate you."

He sees Ahsoka wince, and she glances up, her blue eyes meeting his before they skirt away, back down to the floor. He tries not to let it bother him that she's not saying anything, but he realizes that there's much for her to take in. It's probably not easy for her to accept everything that has just transpired. She was probably hurt worse than Obi-Wan since they had become friendly. Why does he always have to hurt the people he cares for?

Obi-Wan nods in silent resignation, gaze focusing on Anakin's arm. He's just finishing reattaching the plating, and it seems to be fully operational, at least for now. When they reach Serenno, it probably wouldn't hurt to have it looked it or replaced altogether, but it's no longer necessary. "Your arm. How did you lose it?" asks the Jedi Knight.

Anakin debates whether or not he should tell him. Somehow, talking to Obi-Wan, even if its about something unrelated to what happened to him earlier, has a calming effect. He no longer feels nearly as eager to murder someone. He shrugs slightly. Why does it matter if they know? They already have accepted that he's killed Jedi. "It happened during my first mission," he tells them slowly. "I was fourteen."

He draws on the Force, keeping his emotions locked behind a durasteel wall in his mind, voice emotionless as he continues. "Sidious sent me to eliminate two Jedi, a Knight and Padawan, who were interfering with our plans." He pauses, pushing a stray tool back in the box and individually bending each of his fingers to ensure they're functioning properly. They are. "The Padawan was surprisingly easy to eliminate," he comments mildly, reaching for the leather glove.

"The Knight was much harder, especially after the Padawan was dead," he continues, pulling the glove snugly over his arm. "I lost my hand to him in the ensuing lightsaber battle." He feels much better telling them the story. It's been years – true – but there are still times when the incident haunts him. The Padawan had only been a child, hardly older than him at the time, and killing him had felt so wrong. He could sense the Force scream in protest as his life drained away. He shudders inwardly, pushing the memories back as he continues the tale.

He silently reaches for the Dark Side, letting it flood through him, giving him power and bleeding his eyes yellow. Its touch is comforting, and it helps him crush the guilt. He will never admit to having nightmares from killing Jedi, but he undeniably does. He doesn't want anyone to know about his weaknesses, his guilt. There are times when their faces haunt his mind, and he's sometimes grateful that he wasn't raised as a Jedi, because it would have been like killing family instead of an enemy.

He shakes the feelings away, burying them deep within a box. Guilt is a weakness, one which others will exploit. He knows this. Sidious has drilled it into his mind from day one. He can feel Ahsoka's muted shock through the Force, but she isn't moving to back away from him. Obi-Wan has far more control, and if he's horrified, he doesn't show it. "So, you failed?" he queries.

A bitter smile inches onto Anakin's face. "No, I didn't," he replies. "The Jedi was too certain of his victory when he cut off my arm. He was too full of a desire for revenge, too close to the Dark Side's delicious power, to realize that I was still a threat. He underestimated my power." He leans back against the wall, crossing his arms. "Force lightning is a powerful weapon," he finishes in a smug tone.

"How can you use it?" demands Ahsoka, the first time she's spoken to him out of her own free will since her capture.

"Why wouldn't I?" he wants to know. "It's a powerful tool which most of my… targets don't expect. It takes them by surprise and gives me the upper hand."

"Because you know what it feels like," she replies bluntly.

He shrugs nonchalantly. "So? They deserve it."

"How can you even say that?" she hisses sharply. "They're not monsters like the Sith!"

He meets her eyes, the sheer intensity of his gaze preventing her from looking away. "Do you think I care?" he snarls. "If they hadn't been foolish enough to get in Sidious' way, they could have lived. It's their own fault."

"You – !" Ahsoka begins, anger surging up like a tidal wave.

"Ahsoka," Obi-Wan interrupts her. The sound of his voice snaps her mouth shut. "You can't judge him for this. It's not his fault. It's ours." Ahsoka scowls, staring down at the floor and resuming her sullen silence. Presumably, since she didn't argue, she agrees with Obi-Wan. Anakin can only hold onto that hope.

Obi-Wan meant every word he said, and that floors Anakin. He's showing little, if any, hatred or anger towards Anakin. If anything, his blue-gray eyes are betraying a hint of sympathy, of understand. That is far more than Anakin could ever have hoped for. The realization does something, igniting an emotion within him that he doesn't dare name for fear of what it might be. Hope. Affection. Happiness. All of those are forbidden for him.

Needing a distraction, Anakin stands up, picking up the toolkit and returning it to its rightful place. He doesn't want to finish the story – the rest is exceedingly painful for him – but he still hopes that maybe Obi-Wan will be able to understand what he's been through making him who he now is. He stares down at his hand, slowly moving it around. Over time, he's gotten used to it, but he occasionally misses the feel of the organic limb he used to have.

"When I lost my hand, Sidious was furious," he comments, hardly even sure why he's confiding something so personal to Jedi. "He considered it a failure and forced me into grueling lightsaber training for another year in addition to some other… less pleasant punishments." Remembering the aftermath of the mission ignites his anger once more, and it burns at him, likely turning his eyes yellow once more.

He remembers everything. He remembers being beaten – through the Force, of course. Sidious wouldn't lower himself to doing it physically – immediately after his return, being called a weakling and failure. He remembers being locked into the Force resistant cells, in the dark, for days on end. He remembers being forced to fight off numerous training droids set on murder mode and being injured badly. Why? Why him?

He lets out a shaky breath, hoping that his inner turmoil isn't obvious to Obi-Wan's probing gaze. He turns sharply, walking to the cockpit without another word and waiting for them to reach their destination. He doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. The last conversation aroused enough unpleasant memories as is.

He sits down in the pilot's seat, staring at the blue and white streaks of hyperspace without really seeing them. A numbness has gripped him once more, sucking away his ability to react emotionally towards his memories. He considers them again, probing them, playing them in his mind, feeling it all with a sort of apathy that he rarely experiences. They can't hurt him. They're just memories, after all. What can – and assuredly will – hurt him is Sidious.

He's still sitting there when the alarm goes off, and the ship emerges from hyperspace. On automatic, he pilots the ship down to the surface. He needs time to rest and recover himself. He'll be fine in the morning. As the ship lands on the platform, Anakin feels the familiar rush of soothing Force currents from the planet. This place has always been somewhat of a home to him. As he moves towards the hold, he feels Dooku's Force presence waiting outside.

He pushes the button to lower the ramp, turning towards Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. "Come," he instructs roughly. "We must go." Neither of them protests, though Ahsoka looks far from happy. Maybe she'd entertained a hope that he wouldn't actually carry through with his instructions.

Once he knows they're following, he strides down the ramp after grabbing their lightsabers. Dooku is standing on the landing platform, arms crossed, expression unusually grave. The sight makes Anakin's heart sink down somewhere near his toes. The Count shouldn't be wearing that expression unless something is wrong. Very wrong.

Dooku's eyes look him up and down before he sighs. "It's clear Sidious was most unhappy with the recent turn of events," he comments, stepping forward to greet Anakin. Is it really that obvious? Force, what does he look like?

"Not very good," Dooku tells him, making him start. Are his shields weakening? "Yes," the Count confirms. "You need some rest, Anakin." As if he didn't already know that. Dooku sighs again, his blue eyes shining with sympathy. "Let me assure you that Sidious was not much happier with me, though I believe I have straightened out the situation."

"That would be a first," mutters Anakin, letting out a long breath as he hands the three lightsabers over to the MagnaGuard accompanying Dooku. To his surprise, Dooku pulls him into a hug, an exceedingly rare occurrence. He only ever does it if he thinks that Anakin really needs the comfort, so he takes the time to savor the feeling while it lasts.

"We are in a bit of a situation," Dooku informs him. His expression conveys little other than the serene calm the former Jedi always seems to exude, but through the Force and their bond, Anakin can feel his worry. "Sidious wishes that you be confined with the prisoners."

Being electrocuted on the spot would have been a far less torture. For a moment, Anakin can't even speak. "No – no, you can't do that," he stammers out, taking a few steps back.

"I don't have a choice," replies Dooku quietly, sorrow in his eyes. "Sidious was very clear. He told me that if you refused, I am supposed to call Asajj. She's still on Naboo." She'll hurt your mother until you agree. The words don't need to be said. He squeezes his eyes closed, breathing ragged. He hasn't been in them for a long time, but whenever he is – though those occasions are rare – he is always left alone with his thoughts.

"Please," begs Anakin, staring at Dooku beseechingly. "Don't do it."

Dooku is shaking his head before Anakin even finishes talking. "And what would I tell Sidious? He will know the truth," he replies. "You won't be alone, and you won't be in restraints this time. I'll be down there every day until Sidious arrives here."

"He's coming here?" demands Anakin, already on the verge of panic.

"He didn't tell me," Dooku soothes him, "It was an assumption."

"I – fine," mutters Anakin, caving in to the inevitable. Alone in the dark with only his mind to keep him company. The darkness of his soul devouring him alive, plaguing him with ceaseless nightmares… "Just… can you find Boba?"

A flicker of surprise crosses Dooku's face before his lips thin. "Sidious will not be happy," he warns Anakin. "He was very clear on his opinion of your relationships with Jango and Boba."

"But he's only a child!" Anakin protests.

"I'll do it," Dooku agrees, "But Sidious will be upset. Once I find Boba, I will bring him to see you before I send him to Naboo to live with your mother, okay?"

Anakin nods numbly. "'Kay," he murmurs.

Dooku seems torn but restrains himself from offering further comfort. "Come with me," he instructs Anakin, motioning to Obi-Wan and Ahsoka who were silently standing behind him. He wonders what they think of him now, having seen the truth about him. He feels exposed – more than he has in years – and he loathes it.

Anakin follows Dooku in a sullen silence as they walk through the mansion, down to the basement. He dreads this area more than words could ever describe. He lived many of his worst memories down here. A sense of darkness pervades the entire area, clinging to the walls like some type of living thing. He shivers when he feels it. The training room right down the hall? That was where he was taught how to fight with a lightsaber, where he was injured very badly time and time again.

Dooku stops, using the Force to open the door to the holding cells. It opens with a clang that echoes through the empty hall. Anakin shudders. If it were up to him, he would run as fast and far as possible. Dooku pauses, looking at him silently. "I'm sorry, Anakin," he murmurs gently.
"I'm so sorry this has to happen."

"Get it over with," mumbles Anakin, expression pinched.

Dooku looks at him a moment longer before opening the door to the first containing cell. "Who would you rather stay with?" he asks.

Anakin bites his lip, pointedly not looking back at Obi-Wan or Ahsoka, before shrugging. Dooku sighs again. "Alright. Master Kenobi, if you wouldn't mind?" he queries, motioning to the cell. For a moment, Anakin thinks that Obi-Wan is going to say something, but he doesn't, silently stepping forward and into the cell. Dooku waves a hand, and the Force restraints come loose. He motions to Anakin, so he enters as well, watching as the ray shield comes up.

Across the hall, Dooku puts Ahsoka in the other cell and removes her Force restraints. Now that the Jedi have the Force, Anakin can feel their presences far more acutely than he did before. Both cells are small, with only a few blankets in a corner on the floor, and a door opening to a small 'fresher. He takes consolation in the fact that Dooku left the light on in the hallway, providing some illumination.

He hates the dark. He hated it when he was a young child, but he hates it even more now. Darkness reminds him of the days – weeks? Months? – he spent trapped in one of these cells. Terror. Pain. Regret. Guilt. Anger. The emotions linger in the air, tainting it. The dark reminds him of himself. There's nothing light in him. Not anymore. He's dark in the Force. Now that he's here on Serenno, he lets the protection slip away, baring his true Force signature for the Jedi to feel, and he can sense both of them prodding at him.

He looks around the tiny cell again, backing into a corner and leaning against the wall before sliding down to the floor and drawing his knees up to his chest. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. Being here brings back too many bad memories, and they're suffocating him. Sidious knew it. Of course, he knew it, but he did it anyways, because he's a sadist.

It's laughable, in retrospect, to think he really could have become a hero. There's nothing heroic about being a murderer. The silence – the overwhelming, oppressive silence – is torture in and of itself. There have been times he could swear he heard some of the voices of his many victims as they screamed for mercy he refused to grant. That makes him as bad as Sidious, and isn't that thought simply revolting?

"Don't dwell on it," Obi-Wan's gentle voice breaks through his dark musings, and he raises his head to look at the Jedi. Oh, right. His shields were failing, and he guesses that everyone can hear his thoughts now if they're listening carefully. Or maybe it's the result of the faint Force bond he has with the Jedi Knight, he's not sure.

"Mmm… like there's anything else to do down here," he mutters sarcastically.

"I can help," Obi-Wan offers. "You don't have to let him get to you. I know it will be hard, but you can do it."

Anakin scoffs. "Don't – you're delusional. You haven't seen the things he's done. You can't just… get over it. It stays with you, and you're not like me. You haven't… done what I have."

"It's not impossible to let it go," Obi-Wan answers after a moment.

"Mmm hmm," mumbles Anakin sarcastically, resting his forehead on his knees again, wrapping his arms around them. "And I suppose next you're going to tell me that the entire Jedi Order is coming here to rescue you."

He hears a quiet sigh, but Obi-Wan doesn't say anything. "And you'll be doing it too," Anakin adds after a moment. Maybe he couldn't bear the silence anymore, or maybe he just wanted to give them both a warning. "Both of you. I know. He'll make you kill. And you will."

"I won't," Ahsoka insists. He senses her standing just on the other side of the ray shield, but her voice is raised so they can hear her from across the hall. "I won't give in to him."

"Then Obi-Wan will suffer needlessly," Anakin answers dismissively. "You will both give in eventually. Just like I did. You can't avoid his machinations forever."

"I'll refuse," she asserts.

"He'll make me kill you," Anakin warns her, "And trust me when I say that sometimes, actions can irreparably damage." Maybe his tone betrays something other than the emotionlessness he's been striving to maintain, but he senses a spike of – is that concern? – from her before she falls silent. He hardly knows, and frankly, he doesn't care right now either. It's all he can do to hold back the memories and thoughts and just… be.

"I wish I had known sooner. I would have done something." When he speaks again, Obi-Wan's voice is barely audible.

"No use crying over something that's gone," Anakin grumbles, "And don't you dare apologize even one more time for something you didn't even do. I mean it."

"Fine," Obi-Wan relents, "But I'm still sorry."

"'S not going to get you anywhere," Anakin retorts, voice slightly muffled. He doesn't want to talk… or do anything really. If he could miraculously disappear, that would be nice, but he can't. He closes his eyes. There's nowhere to go. He's trapped here for the indefinite future with two Jedi. What has his life come to? It could have been worse, he supposes, and he realizes with growing dread, it can still get worse.