First of all, thanks to everyone who always send me those lovely reviews - they always make me smile! Second, I would love the read some reviews again they always gave me some motivation to keep writing!
Jethro took in these words before he even understood the message. Pregnant. He looked at her with big eyes and swallowed hard. Silently, she sat in her chair and stared at the papers in front of her. She felt frozen, even Gibbs and Ducky could no longer interpret what was going on inside her. Not a word had left her lips for a good twenty minutes. Should they do something?
"Jen.", Gibbs said softly, passing the redheaded woman's desk. "Jenny.", he repeated her name a bit louder and stopped next to her chair.
"I've made an appointment for you both at the hospital, a very competent colleague will see you and take care of you.", Dr. Mallard explained and examined Jen thoroughly. "He is already expecting you."
She turned her head towards him, looked straight into his face and swallowed hard. Her eyes were still a little reddened and her skin was pale. The pathologist knew just how much Jen would have wanted it not to be like this, and yet he was sure that she would be a very special mother to her baby. As hard as it was, she had to go through it.
An agonizing silence lay in the dark room. Her heart was beating quite fast and her excitement was clearly visible. With her hands crossed over her stomach, she lay in the chair, staring up at the ceiling and could feel Jethro caressing her forehead tenderly with his thumb. It was not really reassuring, she thought and closed her eyes.
"Here we have it.", said the physician, looking at the redhead and the silver fox. "Are you ready?" asked Dr. Connor and reached for the movable screen.
Jenny slowly opened her eyes, lifted her head slightly and glanced restlessly at Jethro. He nodded encouragingly and in his eyes she recognized the anticipation of seeing the little fetus and hearing its little heart beat. She nodded at the doctor's question and looked at the screen with big eyes.
There was a small black dot that looked like a gummy bear. Of all the things one could see here as a trained doctor, it was the head that was most visible; everything else was just an outline. Your baby! Her eyes were shining, they started to shine when she recognized the little creature and when she suddenly heard the heart beating, she was completely surrounded. Her heart became so warm, and she felt an incredible feeling of pure love.
"Your baby, a product of your love."
Full of fascination Jennifer Shepard stared at the screen and listened to the wonderful sounds, the heartbeat of her child. Never did she think she would develop such strong feelings for something or someone, even though this something was not even known.
"Everything looks fine, the baby is fine.", he said and smiled at them both.
"Then why am I felling so bad?", Jenny asked quietly mumbling and put her head back on the pillow. "I have the feeling I spend 90 percent of my day in the bathroom."
Her doctor nodded, "Nausea in the first weeks or months is completely normal and harmless, but I still can't get around it; also from your rather pronounced nausea with vomiting; a hyperemesis gravidarum cannot be ruled out.
The man received questioning glances, not incomprehensible, after all, he simply threw technical terms around. "It is a pronounced, insatiable form of morning sickness which causes the expectant mothers to vomit regularly throughout the day and often into the night, even if the stomach is already empty.", he explained both and put his examination material aside.
"And that means what?"
"Usually it should subside by the end of the 14th week of pregnancy, but in some cases it can of course continue until the 20th week of pregnancy. In the really rare cases, one or the other woman suffers from it until the birth."
It wasn't exactly the answer Jennifer had hoped for, but it didn't have to mean that she was one of those rare women, maybe she was lucky after all and would only be tormented with it until the 14th week of pregnancy. Hope died last, she heard from deep inside her.
"I doubt that you are one of these women, of course it is serious that you suffer so much from this symptom, but I would like to observe this until the 14th week of pregnancy before we start therapy to control the nausea."
Nodding Jen agreed with him.
"I won't take any more blood, as Dr. Mallard has already done this. The examination would be ready, you will get the pictures and the next ultrasound will take place between the 18th and 22nd week of pregnancy and the last one between the 30th and 34th week.", said the man and printed the pictures. "Observe the nausea and if this does not improve but stays the same or even worsens, call me immediately, then we have to act.", he explained and noted his private phone number on the business card.
When the specialist handed the pictures to the lead investigator, said goodbye to Jen and Gibbs and left the room, Jethro handed the redheaded woman her clothes.
"Hey.", he said quietly as Jen walked past him, fully dressed, to the door. He stopped her by gently stroking her arm and wordlessly holding the ultrasound images in front of her nose. "I'll drive you home, okay?"
Wordlessly, she agreed. Never before had Jen looked forward to her bed as much as at this moment. She was in every conceivable kind of pain, she was dog-tired and wanted to sleep through the night until morning. Would she manage this?
"What am I supposed to do now? She's pregnant, Ducky..."
Sighing, he walked up and down the kitchen, thinking hard about what to do now, but he couldn't find a satisfactory answer. How could he, when just a few hours ago they were talking about a possible pregnancy and now the responsibility in her body was growing.
"I cannot answer that, Jethro."
"I love her, I truly love her, but..."
"And why do you keep lying to her? You're married, you lie to her and you go home to Stephanie every day?"
He shook his head, "It's not like that. Of course, when Jen came back to NCIS three months ago, I was still married to Stephanie; but our divorce was already final. She lived with me for a short time and I still wore my wedding ring."
"Just like you did at Caitlin's funeral."
"No."
"Then how did the ring get in the bed?"
Jethro rolled his eyes. "I wore the suit when I met with our lawyers and I put my wedding ring; for whatever reason, in my pocket. I forgot I had the ring in there and it must have just slipped out of my pocket."
"And what was in Paris at that time?"
"I was in a engaged with Stephanie, we were going to get married and then the long term assignment in Europe came between us, and we postponed the wedding. Jen and I had, you know, worked closely together and over time something developed. She was so beautiful, eager and one of the best agents I ever worked with. I fell madly in love with her, even though at first I struggled with it because of Stephanie and I regret every single day that I let her go."
It became quiet around both men. Ducky was visibly relieved to see how sincere Jethro was, now all he had to do was explain the same thing to Jennifer, unless it was already too late.
"Is it true?" they both heard the soft voice of the redheaded woman.
Jethro quickly turned to the kitchen door and discovered the woman carrying his child, leaning tiredly against the doorway. Her look spoke volumes.
"Every single word, Jen."
"Why not now? Why do I have to get pregnant after months of you treating me like dirt, so that you can be honest with me?"
"Because I'm an idiot and I don't deserve your love and trust.", he said gloomily and walked closer to her.
"It's about time you finally realized what an idiot you've been.", Jen murmured softly and mustered him.
Their bodies stood close together, just like in the washrooms in the office. She stared at his lips, just like he did. The warm breath of the other caused a pleasant tingling in their bellies, making their hearts beat in time. Unlike what his heart said, he finally did what his head told him to do! He didn't kiss her, it wasn't the right time and besides, the wounds were too deep to let everything be forgotten with a kiss. Jethro took her firmly in his arms, pressed her tightly against his body and stroked her back. This feeling that she let herself be pulled into his arms of her own free will and now snuggled up tightly against him was indescribable, and he wouldn't exchange it for anything in this world.
"You know my number, call me if anything comes up.", Ducky said quietly and grabbed the chief investigator's shoulder. "Can I talk to you in private?"
"I'll be right with you.", Gibbs whispered into Jen's ear and kissed her cheek.
As soon as they were both out of earshot, leaning against the front door and making sure that the redheaded woman could not hear either, the pathologist began talking.
"Don't do something you might regret, treat her well."
"I know how to treat her."
"Are you sure? The last few months looked pretty different."
Jethro sighed and mused him, waiting to see what his next sentence would bring.
"Let her fall in love with you again, it would do you both good; show her why you love her and make her happy, happier than she was in Paris."
Waiting, Ziva was sitting in her D.C. apartment. After what she had witnessed today, the brunette Mossad officer doubted very much that Jen would contact her. Judging from her conversation, she knew at least Jenny wanted her here at NCIS — she could hardly say the same about Tony, McGee and Gibbs, and she didn't want to start with Abby...
Ari was her brother, half-brother to be exact, and after all the incidents that were, she could understand if the team was suspicious of her; but Ziva was also just a person who didn't want to admit that her brother was doing all these things. Had she known, she would have done everything in her power to prevent it. She would have earned her trust somehow, it would take time, but she would succeed!
"Where is the boss?" Tony asked curiously and drummed with his pen on the table.
"Gibbs isn't coming.", Ducky answered the young man's question as he walked past the table group.
"How do you know that?"
"Since when do you question it? The Anthony DiNozzo I know would pack up and leave immediately."
"He has a point.", McGee mumbled.
"He is not doing well; I have been watching this since Kate's death."
The office became quiet, Ducky and McGee musing Tony thoughtfully. There was a spark of truth in his words, but only Ducky knew the reason behind this conspicuous behavior. It was only a matter of time before one of them would say something to both, he thought and went back to the table groups.
"Just like the director, they both seem pretty worn out, exhausted — just odd.", he added, and it didn't take long before it clicked in his head.
"Does it have something to do with Indiana? Kate's funeral. Had they had something going on but broke up shortly after? Is that why Gibbs is in such a bad mood?"
Shaking his head, Ducky looked at both youths. Tony's thoughts were pretty much true, except that Jenny and Gibbs never had a real relationship, and yet they parted ways painfully. He was not allowed to say anything, but he did not want to betray Gibbs' trust or that of the red-haired men.
"Go home, if you must know, then the time will come.", he said.
"Ducky, come on, we all suffer from this..."
"I can at least tell you this much that neither of us has or had a romantic relationship with the other." These were his last words before the pathologist went back to autopsy.
In two months at the latest you would see clearly what was going on between the two of them, he thought and waited patiently for the elevator.
What remained were two stunned agents who had little to do with information like this. But what could they do? Gibbs and the director were both pretty scary people, and it was better not to upset them, and if they heard about this conversation, they could emigrate!
"How do you feel?", he asked, and placed a cup of tea on the bedside table next to her bed. "Is the nausea a little better?"
Wordlessly she shook her head, opened her eyes slowly and looked at the man sitting on the edge of the bed, tired. "I think it'll subside.", she whispered and sat up in bed.
She ran her hand through her hair and had to swallow hard at the smell of the hot drink. Her stomach was still queasy and smells were her worst enemies. She had never been a passionate tea drinker anyway, and would never become one again, but it was still her only option; coffee in her current condition would only provoke this unbearable nausea once more.
"Could you open the window?"
He nodded; "Of course. I'll close it as soon as I leave."
Brooding, she sat in bed, holding the cup in her hands and staring wordlessly at the contents. There were more beautiful things, she thought. Peppermint tea, her worst childhood memory next to chamomile tea, but it helped against nausea and that's what she wanted, wasn't it? She had to get through it and the faster she took the first sip, the less nauseous the last ones would be.
"It's only a few weeks Jen.", Gibbs said, and went back to the bed, sat down next to her.
"Do you think we can do this.", she asked somewhat uncertainly, turning her head a little to one side to look him in the eye. "Can we raise a child?"
In silence, Gibbs glanced at the redhead. Would they make it? Many years had passed since Kelly was born, he had grown older, and after everything that had happened between him and Jen, he didn't know the answer to her question. He could never have imagined that he would become a father again, especially not at this age. It was a new challenge and the question if both of them were up to it would remain open.
"I know it doesn't look like it at the moment, but I know that you will be a great mother for this child and that we both can, if we pull ourselves together."
"I need a man by my side who won't lie to me as soon as the sun comes up in the morning. I need someone who stands behind me, accompanies me through this pregnancy and above all I need a man who is honest with me."
"I know I've been giving you a hard time these past few months, but I promise you that I can be that man."
"Then show me, don't always promise, just show me.", she whispered hotter and looked him straight in the eyes.
Jethro reached for her hands, squeezed them tightly and chose his next words very carefully.
"What should I have said to you? That I have a fiancée and will marry as soon as I get back to the States, but fell head over heels in love with you? You didn't deserve that, Jen."
"But this is what I deserve?", she asked incredulously. "You broke my heart, toyed with my emotions."
Shaking his head, he answered in the negative, drying her tears. The knowledge of being responsible for this pain literally killed him. He shouldn't have lied to her, telling her the truth as soon as she got back to D.C. How he would love to kick himself in the back for that, but time could not be turned back; even if he would like to.
"Please believe me when I tell you that if I could turn back time, I would do it immediately. I didn't know how to tell you, I wanted to do it as soon as we were on the plane but you had apparently talked to Stephanie on the phone before and I didn't have the chance to do it anymore.
"You've had the chance long enough, Jethro."
"Should I have told you before we kissed for the first time? Before you and I made love for the first time?"
She sighed, let her head fall into her hands — massaging her temples — and tried desperately to suppress her tears, but they could not be stopped. With every sentence he said, her heart bled more and more. She wanted the truth, but now she got her truth and couldn't hear it? It didn't fit together!
"I loved you, immediately — until today — I couldn't stop it. I loved you so much, I wanted a future with you, to share my life with you and leave Stephanie but you left without giving me the chance to explain.
"Stop...", she gasped hotter and lifted her head back up. "Please."
"Come here.", he said in a low voice and pulled her into his arms.
Yes, the truth hurt, but the lies before that hurt even more. Maybe he should have told her about his fiancée, but she would never have gotten involved with him afterwards and that's exactly what he wanted to avoid. Jethro acted on his own sentiments then, without paying attention to his former partner, with fatal consequences that now caught up with her presence. Would both of them ever manage to have a normal relationship? Could he follow Ducky's advice and let Jenny fall in love with him a second time?
Like it? Hate it? Please let me know :)