Chapter 8: Failures, Follies and Faults

AN: Some lines for Dumbledore taken from his speech at the end OOTP. Entire paragraphs done so put in italics. Those and Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling

Dumbledore had not slept. He doubted many of his colleagues had as well. He was proven right when he walked up to Gryffindor Tower. Sitting at the foot of the stairs of the boys' dormitories was a cat. He waited a moment before speaking to it. He did not want to be made a fool of again. (None of the other staff would let him forget the several times he mistook another cat for Minerva.) However, it occurred to him only Mrs. Norris would still be at school and this was not her.

"Shall you be resigning your job at Hogwarts to be a guard cat?" he tried to joke as he sat on the stone steps beside her.

The cat glared up at him before transforming into a woman who's glare was just as frightening if not more. "I'm thinking about it."

Dumbledore sighed which made the Transfiguration Professor prickle as she straightened her back and looked away. He reached to pat her hand which made her even more tense. "I suppose you are planning to get Harry and run then?"

"Possibly."

"Is there no way I can dissuade you?" he asked earnestly. His blue eyes sparkled with a mix of guilt, hope and pleading as he turned to her. "May I at least apologize before you leave?"

McGonagall pursed her lips. It obviously hurt her to go against her long-time friend and mentor in such a fashion. Dumbledore waited patiently as she thought on her answer. It took a minute before she sighed, her shoulders releasing some tension. "I'm not sure you deserve the chance."

Dumbledore sighed as well. "You may be right. I have waited too long to say something, or to even look at what has been happening around me. So I ask you this not for me but for Harry. Before you take him from this safe haven and his friends let me apologize. Let me do this for him."

There was silence for another few moments between the two professors on the stone stairs. For a moment Dumbledore's mind wandered enough to question why his second-in-command liked to sit on hard stone in her cat form instead of the comfortable chairs of the common room. He did not have the chance to come up with an answer before McGonagall huffed, drawing his attention. "Very well. But if you talk to him I must be there as well."

"But of course."

She nodded and both stood up, heading to the dorm in which Harry slept. She stood at the door for a few moments contemplating how to wake the boy. The doors to the boys dorms were rarely closed, so it was a surprise to see the barrier there. McGonagall sighed and decided to knock, giving the door a few loud raps. She was content when she heard the hooting of an owl, then a boy's voice telling said owl to calm down.

There were a few noises, then a second later the door opened to a tired looking boy. He looked up at the professor with an unsure expression. She decided to make the first move, smiling gently. "Good morning, Harry."

"Good morning Professor."

"You slept well I hope?" she asked.

Harry looked surprised by the question. He nodded quickly and looked down. Judging by the tired bags under his eyes he was not as well rested as he pretended to be. She sighed and nodded, then started down the stairs before changing her mind. She turned suddenly, her robes sweeping along with her and reached out to grasp Harry's shoulders.

Harry flinched away for a millisecond before relaxing. McGonagall almost did as well, her usually steady expression shaken. She schooled herself and made sure she had the boys attention. "You are not alone in your confusion. Professor Dumbledore would not tell his reasons. He is downstairs now waiting, where he will give us both an explanation."

Harry's eyes widened and snapped down the stairs. "Oh."

"He has needed to do that several times over the past twenty four hours. I do not understand his reasoning. I do not agree with it. When I brought you here from King's Cross, I made you a promise." As she spoke, Harry's eyes turned back to her now looking at her almost hopefully. "And if I get my way you will never see those miserable excuses for human beings again."

"I get to stay?"

McGonagall scowled. "As I said, the professor seems to have changed his mind and policy. I know he had planned on making it temporary, but hopefully I have changed his mind. If he hasn't, it will not matter. You will not be going back anyway."

Harry nodded and satisfied, she did as well before turning back down the stairwell. When she reached the bottom she fixed a glare at Dumbledore before moving out of the way to allow Harry to walk forward.

Dumbledore smiled welcomingly at Harry and gestured for him to come sit. Harry did so apprehensively. The entire time McGonagall time stayed protectively over his shoulder, continuing to give Dumbledore threatening looks. The Headmaster seemed to ignore her and turned to Harry. "Harry, I welcome you back to Hogwarts after your short time away. Your trip went well?"

"Yes," Harry nodded agreeably.

"Good. I expect Professor McGonagall gave you quite the surprise." McGonagall narrowed her eyes at her colleague for this statement. He smiled kindly at her in response. "And I suppose it gave you many questions as well. I shall guess the chief one is why you have been returned to Hogwarts. Am I correct?"

Harry nodded again.

Dumbledore gave him an inperceptible once over before continuing his monologue. "Well then, I suppose the story begins the night you faced Lord Voldemort to rescue the stone. Your friend Mr. Weasley had a few words to say to me, but what interested me most was his statement about your dreams."

"My dreams?" Harry said in surprise before he could stop himself. He stopped and looked at the man across from him guiltily. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It is no issue. It is an unexpected answer. Why would I return you to Hogwarts because of dreams? The idea first came to me when we spoke in the Hospital Wing. You told me about a dream you had. Then I responded that these dreams were most likely memories. As it is a bit strange, to simply put it, to remember the occurrences of something that happened when you were less than two years of age, I became interested. I garnered this needed study, I needed to figure out what the appearance of these dreams meant and why it is you have them. I could not do this with you at the Dursleys I had you returned to the only other place, I thought safe. Hogwarts."

"You want to know about my dreams?"

"That topic has become a matter of less importance," Dumbledore said somberly. "Because I learnt of something I've rarely heard in my long life. Do you know what that was Harry?"

Harry shook his head. Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I was informed I was wrong. The Dursleys were not safe. Hogwarts had not been safe. You were put in danger in both these places because of one person. Not Lord Voldemort, but me."

Harry looked at him confused. "Professor?"

"I owe you a proper apology. An apology, and an explanation of the mistakes of an old man. I am sorry I did not see my folly. This fall, when you arrived at Hogwarts you seemed, safe and whole, all as I planned and intended when I left you at the Dursleys ten years ago. Again, during our conversation in the hospital wing I explained the protection you were under there. Your mother's blood keeps you safe. It casts a protective barrier. One that has kept you safe for the past ten years of your life. At least, this is what I thought."

"I still don't understand," Harry said looking up at the professor confused. "You told me being at the Dursley's kept me safe from Voldemort."

"Yes. The protection was at least strong enough for that, yet still it faltered. You admitted this yourself, having seen strange people, other witches and wizards, who should not have been able to approach you. The Wizarding world wanted to see you.

"This was another reason I thought to place you with the Dursleys. You deserved a normal childhood without the pressure of fame and the expectations of the great magic that would come from the boy who defeated one of the most feared wizards of all time.

"However, in seeking to protect you from the over-abundance of attention, I made sure you were given a life with the opposite, neglect." Here Dumbledore looked up, his eyes swimming with guilt and tears. His hand shook as he reached out to grasp Harry's, bringing the boy's eyes to meet his own. "And this is where my apology really starts. Eleven years ago I was warned of the Dursley's unsuitability by the woman standing so protectively behind you."

Harry looked over his back to McGonagall. "You?"

"Yes. And I was right. I am only sorry I did not do more to keep you from living in a cupboard for ten years," she said with some anger and sadness choking her voice. "I could have checked in on you. I might have known before. Yet, I did nothing. I am just as guilty."

Harry blinked up at her and then at Dumbledore looking between them confusedly. "I thought you knew?"

"What?" McGonagall said looking at him shocked. "Of course not. I would not let any child go through that with my knowledge. What would give you that idea?"

"The letters," Harry said softly. He sunk further into the crimson cushions as he looked down. "They were addressed to me, to my cupboard."

Dumbledore sighed. "I am afraid we had no knowledge of your plight. The letters are addressed by a magical quill, working solely on its own. So Professor McGonagall holds no blame here."

"I believe I do," she said. "I should be checking those letters before they are sent out."

"A matter to address later," Dumbledore told her sternly. He turned back to Harry. "So as you see, I am the one at fault. I was warned, and yet I left you on that doorstep knowingly. At the time, the world was in chaos and my priority above all was to keep you alive. Voldemort's supporters would want revenge. Many of them were still at large – and of those plenty of those are almost as terrible as he. I had to make a decision, one that would impact things that happened in the years ahead.

"As dangerous as Voldemort's followers were, I knew he would return, though not when: ten, twenty or fifty years. I was sure, once he did, he would not rest until he killed you. You witnessed that last week."

He could see McGonagall starting to pay more attention, as the man she worked with gave more reasons for some of his decisions than he had for the past decade. He ignored it in favor of continuing his story. "I explained this partially to you before. I knew that Voldemort's knowledge of magic is perhaps more extensive than nay wizard alive. I knew that even my most complex and powerful protective spells and charms were unlikely to be invincible if he ever returned to full power.

"But I knew too. Where Voldemort was weak. And so I made my decision. You would be protected by an ancient magic of which he knows, which he despises, and which he has always, therefore, underestimated—to his cost. I am speaking, of course, of the fact that your mother died to save you. She gave you a lingering protection he never expected, a protection that flows in your veins to this day. I put my trust, therefore, in your mother's blood. I delivered you to her sister, her only remaining relative."

"But if it works on love…." Harry trailed off looking away for a moment. When he turned back his face was steeled. "She doesn't love me."

"Perhaps not," Dumbledore agreed watching McGonagall rub the boy's shoulder comfortingly. "I had hoped she could. After all, she took you. She may have taken you grudgingly, furiously, unwillingly, bitterly, yet still she took you, and in doing so, she sealed the charm I placed upon you. You mother's sacrifice made the bond of blood the strongest shield I could give you."

"I still don't—"

"While you can still call home the place where your mother's blood dwells, there you cannot be touched or harmed by Voldemort. He shed her blood, but it lives on in you and her sister. Her blood became your refugre. You need return there only once a year, but as long as you can still call it home, there he cannot hurt you. Your aunt knows this. I explained what I had done in the letter I left, with you, on her doorstep. She knows that allowing you houseroom may have well kept you alive for the past decade.

Harry frowned. "I knew she knew about magic, but she knew about this?"

"Yes. Sadly, she did interpret the meaning of giving you a home in the same way as I. I said so before, but I chose to ignore any warnings or signs. Hagrid said something when he delivered your letter. For several years, your neighbor Arabella Figg has been reporting to me saying you and your family were perhaps not the happiest together. Yet, according to all reports you were living a normal life, and a safe one."

"Mrs. Figg is a witch?" Harry gaped at Dumbledore.

"Not a witch. She is something called a squib, a child born to wizard parents with no magical powers of their own. She has been doing jobs for me in the muggle world for years. She was all too happy to watch you for the past five or six years.

"The fault there is I never checked on you myself, nor looked further into the suspicions brought to my attention. I was satisfied when you arrived at Hogwarts. You seemed to be a normal boy despite the new attentions, shying away from them in fact. You have risen magnificently to the challenge that faced you, and sooner—much sooner – than I had anticpated you found yourself face-to-face with Voldemort. You survived again. You did more. You delayed his return to full power and strength. You fought a man's fight. I am…prouder of you than I can say."

Harry blushed and looked down, though one could still see the small smile tugging at his lips. "Thank you."

"Yes. You rose up and showed all of us, especially me, what a wonderful person you have become. Even with all your hardships, you have not succumbed to darkness and hate like many before. Instead you embraced this new world, found your friends and feelings like love and hope. This is where the problem lies."

"What do you mean?" McGonagall asked suspiciously. "Would you rather he go around cursing people like You-Know-Who and yelling at anyone who dares speak to him?"

"No. All I meant was in Harry's acceptance of his place in our world, the Dursley's was no longer Harry's only option for a home. He had found one here, at Hogwarts. The already weak wards were broken, as proved to me by the findings of the last day. You could never feel at home there again. This has left you vulnerable, without protection during the summer."

"So, I'm not going back?" Harry asked looking at Dumbledore confused. He turned to McGonagall hopefully and it was when he heard her sigh of relief he realized the older man was nodding.

Harry wanted to cheer. He was confused and bewildered, but the knowledge he would never have to return to his aunt and uncles was almost everything he had ever dreamed about. Then a thought crossed his mind, "So what now?"

"As I said, you are a special case requiring special protection. Still, you are a child, only eleven, much too young to have faced as much as you have. The mental and emotional burdens placed on you as an orphan, exasperated by your time with your aunt and uncle, not to mention Lord Voldemort. He has been weakened by your encounter, and therefore, Hogwarts will be safe for now. It will give you the chance to be safe, as well as for us to figure out these dreams of yours, and for me to earn your forgiveness," Dumbledore said letting the first tear drop into his beard, which shook with a sad chuckle. "I may not earn it, but I will try. I shall be working to find other options for protection, but until then Hogwarts will welcome you as your home."