Cosima

May 18 2018

She shouldn't have kissed her, Cosima berates herself a little on what is ending up to be a long walk home alone. Also probably shouldn't have talked about sex or virginity at all. Likely a mistake. Not good for easing Delphine in to anything.

It had changed things, Delphine had suddenly been less playful, less receptive to her.

"Too far, too fast." Cosima mutters to herself. Thinking about her planned dinner that she'd now eat alone. It's not like she really planned on seduction. She wasn't even sure she had enough food in the house to offer Delphine a reasonably impressive breakfast if she were to stay the night.

She feels lucky she didn't tell any friends about her date with Delphine. Still, Delphine had kissed her, had closed the gap. There was still something there. Cosima smiled at the thought.

Her phone rings as she approaches her building. "Hey mom."

"I tried calling earlier." Sally tells her. "Your uncle Dominik had a heart attack. Gene's flown out to be with him."

"Shit. Another one? So wait… Dad's in Boston?" Cosima tries to put it all together. Maybe she should have answered the phone earlier. It's not like Delphine would have cared. But she didn't want to kill the mood that ultimately kind of killed itself.

"Yes. Dad is in Boston with his brother." Sally repeats. "Are you alright, Cosima?"

"I'm fine, Mom. Are you on the boat?" Cosima attempts to play it cool. She's not taken her mother's calls before. She doesn't need to explain everything.

Sally chuckles. "Yes. But I'll be heading home soon. Sailing isn't as much fun without your father."

"Right. Everything is fine. Research is going well." Cosima goes to the easy topic first.

"I'm really proud of you, honey." Sally tells her. "I know I don't say it enough. But even with two academic parents, you carved your own path. I just wish…"

"That I called home more often? I know." Cosima acknowledges. They were all so self-consumed. The whole Niehaus family. Even her stupid cousin Alexander.

"So… what have the last two months been like?"

"Umm… well… funny story really. Delphine showed up at work. I mean you probably don't remember Delphine…" Cosima wonders how to give her mother a quick cliff notes version of this story. She might as well spill with what she has in mind.

"Wait… Delphine Cormier? The French girl?" Even Sally seems to remember and she'd only met Delphine the once.

"You remember Delphine?" Cosima cannot contain her surprise. She didn't think her parents would remember Delphine in the long train of girls she'd paraded in and out of their home, and in and out of her bed.

"Cosima… You drove all night just to pick her up in LA and bring her back to our house and then she stayed over in your room for the better part of four days before going back to France. I remember Delphine." Sally sighs. "Nice girl. I mean, you two got a bit loud. But… you were teenagers. Dad and I just… looked the other way. Let you have your fun."

"Right." Cosima nods, finally reaching her apartment. "Well she's now Dr. Delphine Cormier, MD, PhD… and doing her postdoc with Dr. Yamashita."

"You share lab space?"

"Some of it. So we're in close proximity." Cosima explains without explaining. "We… We went out for brunch today. To catch up."

"So… I take it she's not married." Sally laughs. "Picking up where you left off?"

"Nope." Cosima sighs, even though she suspects her mother is only joking. "She has a doctor boyfriend back in France though. Or she says she does. The whole thing seems hella weird."

"Cosima…" Her mother sighs at her in a way that exudes exasperation. "Just be careful."

"Why?" Cosima shoots back, not really willing to entertain her mother's concern. "You and dad used to go to swing parties! Are you seriously judging me right now?"

"Because I remember the pining and the tears. And you're not teenagers anymore. And if her boyfriend shows up, then what? Think it through. You don't know her anymore. You knew the young girl, you don't know what she became." Sally tells her impatiently. "As for swinging, let it go, Cosima. It's not a big deal what dad and I used to get up to."

Cosima bristles at being parented on the far side of 30. "Right. Anything else?" Nor does she want to delve into awkward teenage memories of that discovery.

"No. I'll update you on your uncle tomorrow. Don't make any travel plans until I do."

"Wait…is he like… dying?" Cosima wonders. It is a possibility, but somehow she'd been too distracted to really think it all through.

"He might." Sally responds honestly. "If you get a chance, text your dad. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye mom." Coisma hangs up just as she collapses onto the couch. She laughs softly to herself at the thought. Even her mom had remembered. But what good did that do now?

Cosima covers her hands with her eyes and wonders if it's too early in the day to get stupidly stoned and not think for a while. Quiet her mind and try not to obsess over Delphine for a few hours. She rummages around for a pre-rolled joint and a lighter, then sits down on the floor. At least she has this sort of release. This sort of satisfaction. Cosima tries not to admit, even to herself, her disappointment. After all, it would only look like desperate pining.

She lays on the floor finishing her joint. It's peaceful, she lets her body rest feeling the solid wood floor against her back. Her mind drifts though, back to Delphine, and she cannot resist remembering. The look on Delphine's face in the shadowy back of the CRV, the little noises she made for her, clutching at her body. Delphine's hair, loose light brown and curly to her shoulders. Delphine's hair dyed blonde and carefully styled, curls just down to her neck. Delphine sitting next to her on the beach, laughing before kissing her breathless. Delphine striding through the lab with purpose, her high heeled boots clacking on the floor. Delphine grabbing her hair, and whimpering as she tasted her. Delphine at the aquarium, leaning in to close the gap, to kiss her back.

She gives in, and hikes up her dress, both buzzed and aroused, she lets her fingers wander past the band of her carefully chosen undergarments. She lets herself dwell in the fantasy, touching herself gently. Almost tentatively like...

Cosima knows somewhere in the back of her mind that she shouldn't be doing this. She shouldn't be indulging this fantasy. She's not even sure which Delphine she's fucking in her head. But she lets her memories mix with fantasy. The expression on her face the first time she'd pushed inside her. The way she thinks Delphine would eagerly take her now, eyes glazing over with pleasure as her body tightens. As she promises her that she can do anything Delphine could want. That there would be so much pleasure, for both of them.

She imagines Delphine wanting her. Wanting her mouth, then her fingers, and finally, a toy. Delphine riding her to climax on the couch. Delphine moaning her name.

Cosima climaxes to the thought, her weight settling solidly back onto the floor once more. She is definitely in trouble if she's thinking about buying a toy like that with the two of them in mind. Cosima wipes her fingers off on her skirt absently, noting she doesn't feel remotely satisfied. She might be starting to pine. Again .

End of July 2007

Cosima leads her preteen charges through campus with the practiced ease of weeks of practice. She keeps her energy high and contagious, almost chaotic, Delphine had called it. But it was effective. It kept the girls engaged.

"OK, kids, swim time." Cosima leads them to the changeroom, passing them off to two of the day counselors, Jennifer and Beth.

"Bye Cosima." A few of the girls chorus and she goes to sit in one of the plasticy couches not far from here. After this, they'd have lunch together and go back to lab activities. It was a chemistry focused week, Delphine flourished in that almost as much as the biology activities. It was great to watch.

"Cosima…" A soft familiar accented voice calls to her,

Cosima shudders, and looks up to see Delphine striding towards her. Her thoughts of holding Delphine, of kissing Delphine, will have to wait. She wants to know what it's like. All of it. And she has to wait. And Cosima Niehaus has never enjoyed waiting. It's only been a few days, and while she feels like they're closer, they've done nothing more than kiss softly at night when they're certain no one else is around. Even so, it wasn't enough. How could it ever be enough?

"I thought you were setting up the chem activity?" Cosima looks up delightedly.

"I was but I finished early. We have until after lunch. Walk with me?" Delphine looks down at her hopefully and Cosima feels her heart respond.

"OK." She quickly scrambles to her feet. "So… what are you doing on the weekend?"

"I… I don't know yet. It'll be our last one." Delphine looks over at her, her expression both sad and hopeful.

"You know, it...it doesn't have to be the end." Cosima says quickly, following Delphine across campus.

"What do you mean?" Delphine asks. "Are you talking about… long distance phone calls and Skype?"

"Well, like, shorter term, L.A. - it's not that far from San Francisco… And I have a car." Cosima reminds her. "I mean the drive will suck yes. But I can come visit you. Even after it's done. As long as you're at your uncle's place anyway."

"You will?" Delphine blinks at her.

Cosima nods quickly, trying to reassure her. "Of course! I really like you, Delphine."

Delphine looks at her like she's going to kiss her. But she doesn't. Cosima notes, she watches the française hold herself back. It feels sad. Unnecessary.

"You know, it's… it's pretty safe here." Cosima tells Delphine reaching out to stroke her face.

"Safe to be… a lesbian?" Delphine fills in the blanks without prompting.

"Yeah… It's pretty safe. San Francisco even more so. It's… it's ok to kiss me here if you want to." Cosima doesn't want to beg, doesn't want to pine anymore to have Delphine in her arms equally enthralled.

"Where do you want to go?" Delphine looks at her, chewing absently on her lip.

"Let's… throw our sleeping bags in the back of the CRV… just drive. Go find some great beaches. Eat delicious food. Bring a map. Get fish and chips. Whatever. Just… drive away together." Cosima doesn't think she needs to spell out everything. She suspects Delphine knows. Suspects Delphine can easily read between the lines, and know that they will end up naked and entwined sometime during this trip. How could they not feeling like this?

"Drive off into the sunset?" Delphine jokes.

"Exactly. Let's… have one perfect weekend." Cosima urges her, stroking Delphine's cheek softly when they've stopped. "I want to have everything with you."

She's quickly kissed in response, Delphine closing the gap, a little nervous at first, but relaxing as they kiss. Cosima pulls back first, and lays another soft kiss against perfect full lips.

"Oh." Cosima sighs. She looks up at Delphine who does seem equally enthralled.

"Yes." Delphine tells her. "I will go anywhere with you."

"Good." Cosima breathes, leaning in for another kiss. She knows this is happening, and she can wait. She can wait a few more days.